First Love
by DRWPJT
Summary: Some people spend their whole lives searching for love, others stumble into it completely by chance. Nicola "Nikki" Shepard was devastated when her childhood sweetheart left Mindoir, but fate is a fickle creature and in the long run it was probably for the best. Starting with brief snapshots on Mindoir and other events pre-ME1 then hopefully continuing throughout the trilogy. F/F
1. First Sight

"Nicola, NICOLA SHEPARD! Are you even paying attention?" The teenager slammed the front legs of her chair down onto the floor in frustration, tearing her gaze away from the window and back onto the miserable old bat at the front of the classroom. It was a beautiful sunny day outside and she would much rather be out swimming or hiking or even helping her father work in the fields... _**Anything**_ but be stuck inside this stuffy building!

"As I was saying," Mrs Lewis continued pointedly, "the first mass relay was discovered in 2149 and was activated by a group of explorers led by Jon Grissom-"

"That's why we fought the turians wasn't in?" Some smarmy punk interrupted from the middle of the room.

"Not quite Bobby, you're thinking of the Relay 314 Incident in '57. This was much earlier and..." _History! Pfft, who even gives a frig about history?_ Shepard thought as she let the voice fade into a constant drone in the background. _Whoop-de-doo people did stuff_. It was all in the past, she'd much rather focus on the present. How about they let **her** do something interesting for a change, rather than having to waste away her life with school.

Checking the teacher was suitably distracted she leant back in her chair once more, overriding the mag locks so she could tilt far enough to look out the window again. The ONLY redeeming feature about history was that it coincided with the year above's P.E class, and her seat had a perfect view of the netball courts.

...

"Looks like you've got another admirer Nikki." Her father's voice tore her attention away from her work in the field as they focused on bringing in the harvest, sun beating down mercilessly on their backs, neck protected by her shoulder length black hair. She gave a groan.

"How many times do I have to punch these pricks before they get the hint I'm not interested?"

"I don't know kiddo, you never know you might be interested in this one." She shot him a glare but he simply smiled and nodded his head in the relevant direction. Knowing from past experience that he wouldn't shut up until she at least looked, she turned her head, dismissal already on the tip of her tongue. It died in her throat as she saw the two girls sat a short way away from the rest of the group. While the rest of the girls in the crowd were drooling over the muscly and in some cases not so muscly boys, these two had their attention on her. They weren't from her class but she realised with a start that she recognised them: Wing Attack and Goal Defense. She turned back to her work with a blush.

"Well?"

"Well what?" She didn't look at him. Didn't need to in order to know there would be a grin spreading across his face. A look in his eye that said: 'you know what'. She sighed. "They were _giggling_ Dad, they're probably just sat there making jokes about me."

"If you're not interested that's fine honey, but I'm telling you from experience, she is definitely interested in you. So don't let fear hold you back."

"I'm not scared!" The response was instant as he knew it would be.

"No? Then why don't you go over there and talk, don't have to do anything else, just go say hi."

"I'm working."

"Field will still be here when you get back."

"If she's worth anything I'm sure she can hold on until the fields are finished." Thomas laughed to hear his own words, spoken so often to his eldest son when he tried skipping work, quoted back by his daughter.

"So, we're agreed. If they're still there when we finish this field you'll go talk." She scowled at his trap but snuck another quick peek over her shoulder.

"Fine. I'll say hi. That's all."

In retrospect he should have seen it coming Thomas thought, struggling not to face palm as his daughter nodded at the two girls, said 'hi' and then kept on walking. He sighed, Nikki was a good kid, a much better worker than her brothers and he really was proud of her, but sometimes... She was just absolutely hopeless!


	2. First Contact

There was a difference between being able to drive and being allowed to drive. She'd been practicing on farm vehicles since she hit her teens, the colony was fairly relaxed about things like that, on her parents' land it was her parents' rules but on the public roads there was this stupid thing called laws. _Just a few more months_ , Nikki thought as she picked up the pace on her morning jog to school. Sixteen felt both so close and so far away, a bit like this last push in the 4 mile run each day. She **could** just catch the school bus like everyone else of course, but that was often just as sweaty as running in, only without the benefit of getting in early enough to use the showers in the locker room before first period. Besides, running kept her fit. Well OK, so boxing, hockey and regularly helping out on the farm would probably be more than enough to keep her fit regardless, but... her thoughts were interrupted as she caught sight of a car on the side of the road. She slowed her pace as she got nearer, the hood was up, hiding the driver's face and all she could see was a rather feminine looking arm.

"Do you need a hand?" Breakdowns weren't exactly an everyday occurrence but neither were they rare and she'd helped quite a few people out over the years. Yet another skill borne from being an atypical Daddy's girl. When she was little she'd do anything to spend time with him and he had been more than happy to pass his mechanical skills on to her when the boys hadn't been interested.

"You know cars? That would be amazing." The mystery driver stuck her head round the hood and Nikki found herself looking into the smiling face of Goal Defense.

"Uh, sure... Let's take a look." It was a simple enough fix, just a couple of wires that had somehow gotten loose and needed reconnecting. "There that should do it."

"Thanks, you're a miracle worker." Goal Defense over exaggerated as the car started back up, Nikki letting the hood back down. "You go to Jemison right? Hop in, I'll give you a lift. Name's Trish by the way."

"Err, Nikki. And it's OK, you don't have to-"

"It's fine, I'm at Jemison's too. Junior year, you're sophomore right?" There should have been more than enough time by now to recover from her run but Nikki's heart was still racing as she settled in the passenger seat, Trish continuing to ask questions as she drove. Nikki answered her on autopilot, her attention caught by the way the wind blew through the other girl's long brown hair, the sun making it shine golden like autumn leaves. _Brown autumn leaves obviously, not the sickly yellowy greens or reds you get from some trees and..._ a laugh pulled her out from her tangent and she refocused on that smile, _the way it made her whole face light up and those bright blue eyes that shone as they looked... oh crap, she's looking at me!_ Nikki pulled her head round, blushing furiously as she focused out the window on the passing scenery for the rest of the journey. Thankfully it wasn't long before they were pulling into the school parking lot.

"Hey Trish." The voice spoke before the engine was even switched off, startling Nicola once more. She was fairly certain it wasn't her voice. Like, 85% certain.

"Hey Alice!" _Alice? Who the fu... OHH! Wing Attack is Alice._ The other girl walked over from where she'd been leaning against a wall, eyes darting between the two occupants in the car. "Alice this is Nikki. Nikki, Alice. Can you believe it? Sophomore year and Nikki's already Centre-forward on the school hockey team." _Wait how does she know about that? I can't even remember what we were talking about. What the hell else did I tell her?_

"I should umm, go get cleaned up. Nice to meet you Alice and err, thanks for the ride Trish."

"You're welcome. Thanks for fixing my car."

"Err, yeah, sure. Anytime." As the youngster moved nearly out of earshot she just caught Alice asking:

"Well?"

...

"Tell me you at least got her number Nick? Nick?"

"Come on Nikki, you've got to be kidding. Loose wires? That's not a fault, she was totally trying to get your attention. I can't believe you blew it! How did you not see that?"

"Now, now boys. Leave your sister alone and finish your supper." Thomas interrupted even though he somewhat agreed with his son's sentiments, he silently shook his head in despair.

...

Nikki couldn't get that face out of her head, she was so beautiful and captivating. It was hard to be certain when the daydreams were so prolific, but she was sure she was seeing her around school more often as well. Not that she did anything about it. Their sole conversation of note had been in the car and she could barely remember it. It wasn't that she didn't **want** to talk. She wanted to blow the other girl away with her sharp wit and amazing repartee, but every time she actually saw her she got tongue-tied, too nervous about embarrassing herself to risk speaking at all. She lacked courage.

...

Nicola had only been walking but still slowed her pace slightly as she caught sight of the increasingly familiar red convertible on the way home from school. The hood was up again and Goal Defen- Trish, was sat on top of the passenger side door swinging her lovely long legs back and forth.

"Hey Nikki, can you believe this?" The younger girl felt a tug at the corner of her mouth and dropped her eyes down to the ground, subconsciously biting her lip before closing the distance and looking under the hood.

"Did you check the wires?" She asked as Trish jumped down and came to stand beside her.

"Yep, it's definitely not the same thing as last time I can tell you that much."

"My brothers think you did it on purpose the other day, that you were umm, trying to get... someone's attention."

"Smart guys your brothers... What do you think?" Nikki didn't say anything straight away, leaning in further as she caught sight of the problem. She straightened up with a hand full of bolts, finally managing to look the smirking older girl in the eye as she held out the evidence.

"I'm starting to think they might be on to something. Do you have a torque wrench?" Trish didn't even bother pretending to search the toolbox as she held out the necessary tool, Nikki smiling as she took it and ducked back under to work.

"Only starting to?"

"Yeah, well... umm." There was an awkward silence before Trish started laughing.

"You have no idea how to flirt do you." Nikki blushed crimson as she focused on tightening the bolts.

"Ermm... No, not really no."

"Well... If you want we could go to the drive-thru this weekend? Maybe you could pick up some tips from the vids."

"Drive-thru huh..." Nikki's eyes briefly made contact before darting away again, a smile curling hesitantly round her lips. "You sure your car can go that long without breaking down?"

...

 **Author's note:** Wow this story got attention quick, really rather humbling considering how little you got in the first chapter. Hopefully you'll continue to enjoy. Just in case there is any confusion for the purpose of this story the driving age on Mindoir is 16, Shepard is currently 15, Trish is 16 and in the year above at school. (Hopefully I got the American class names right, it's always confused me how it works. I would just use grade/year numbers but so many countries start at different ages that even numbers could lead to confusion.) Their school is named after Mae Jemison, the first African-American woman in space.


	3. First Date

"You are **NOT** going out dressed like that young lady!"

"Daaad! When'd you get so stereotypical?" Thomas had to hold back a chuckle at that, if only she knew.

"It took you this long to get a date, I'm not having you strike out on the first innings. There's casual and there's casual. Now go upstairs and find something else to wear."

"I ain't wearing a dress Dad, don't even think it."

"Honey, unless your mother kept the one your Great Aunt Hilda got you for your 3rd Birthday I doubt you even **own** a dress! Now go try again." This time when his daughter came back down she was dressed in her best pair of jeans and a shirt with just the right ratio of smart to casual. It was certainly an improvement but the nerves rolling off her as she paced the room were practically tangible.

"Nikki... **Nicola!** " That got her attention. "She asked you right?" A nod. "Then stop worrying. You already know she's interested in you, so just be yourself." Any other potential words of wisdom were cut short by the sound of a car coming up the drive, Thomas forcing himself to stay in the house as his little girl went outside. He was immensely glad he'd had a practice run at this with the boys, but despite all the equality progress in the galaxy over the centuries some instincts were just hardwired into the brain and he was suddenly discovering a new level of respect for his Father-in-Law all those years ago.

...

" _They like someone who's not afraid to take charge."_ The B-movie protagonist explained to his lovestruck sidekick up on the big screen. _"Plan a date, take some hostages, overthrow a government and burn down their ex's house. Maybe buy them a puppy."_

"So, Uhh... You remember saying I could get tips from the vids..." Trish glanced over out the corner of her eye, copying when Nikki twisted in her seat to find a better angle to try and see both screen and date.

" _Honestly? Does that actually work?"_ The partner asked on screen, Nicola raising an eyebrow as if the question was her own.

"Well I know **I** wouldn't say no to a puppy."

"Awesome, where's the nearest government building? Let's go!" They descended into laughter, Trish throwing a playful punch at her arm. Nikki caught the fist as it tried to retreat and gently uncurled the fingers, Trish smiling indulgently as she watched the youngster play with their hands. She felt the abrupt tension the moment the other girl realised what she had been doing and prepared to pull away, only then taking control as she gave a reassuring squeeze, interlocking their digits. Nikki turned her attention back to the screen but allowed her hand to remain wrapped up, they sat silent a moment before Nick asked with forced casualness: "So... you got any houses needing burning?"

"Two exes, no burning required. Probably not a great idea anyway, one of their mother's a firefighter the other's got a cop for a dad."

"So, uh... why'd you settle for a farmer's daughter?" Trish laughed before realising it wasn't a joke but a question asked in earnest. _Seriously, settled? Have you_ _ **looked**_ _in a mirror lately gorgeous?_

"I don't pick my dates based on their parents!" Actually she hadn't picked anyone before, both her previous partners had been the ones to ask and while the attraction had certainly been mutual, neither of them had made her feel quite the way Nikki managed with a simple smile. There was something adorable about how shy the teenager got when her nerves overcame her and yet at the same time Trish kept getting glimpses of the witty, almost cocky, personality hiding underneath and she found **that** Nikki positively intriguing. To have such an enthralling personality wrapped up in sun-kissed skin, held together with well defined, toned muscles and topped off with such a beautiful face, the only truly worthy question was how come nobody had snapped her up before.

"Oh that's a good one!" Nikki suddenly opined about something happening in the vid, tilting her neck at an awkward angle to face Trish but with her eyes scrunched shut as she parroted. "What colour are my eyes?"

"Brown" Trish shot back without hesitation, while the character on the screen in front of them failed the test.

"You sure?"

"Yep. Lovely, warm, chocolaty brown." There was a snort.

"Miss Mills must love you."

"Actually, no. Apparently my stories are... How did she word it? Ah, yes: 'technically detailed to pinpoint accuracy, but closer to an instruction manual than descriptive prose. On the rare occasion an adjective makes its way onto the page it is often lacking in inspiration, resulting in cliche after cliche'."

"No imagination eh? Terrible." Nikki shook her head despairingly, her eyes narrowing in concentration before holding a finger up to recite her own end of term report: "Nicola may not have as much natural proficiency for literature as in some of her other subjects, but if she put as much effort into her written work as she does her excuses, there could be a significant improvement in her grades." The laughter this caused was only in part for her words and partly for the impression of the prim and proper teacher.

...

"OK... Strangest non human food you've ever eaten?" The vid's end credits were still rolling as they walked over to the food courts, a couple coming the other way clutching a tray of something a luminous green colour prompting Trish's question not long after they left the car.

"Hmm... Asari gumbo. It was alright, texture was a little rubbery." Trish made a face of revulsion. "My brother got hold of some hanar mindfish last year, but Dad burst in before anyone else got to try it. Think its the only time I've ever seen him properly angry, he snatched the bowl away and just started yelling. John shrunk back with this look of pure terror, apparently he thought Dad was a two-headed, fire-breathing krogan! It was 3 days before he stopped tripping. My parents would take turns to check up on him every couple of hours and each time, as soon as they knew he was OK, they'd try to do something to freak him out." They shared a chuckle, Nick at the memory and Trish at what her imagination conjured up from the words. "What about you?"

"OK, I'll admit... I'm a bit of a coward, **but** I have a good reason. When I was nine I visited my Dad on Arcturus station and helped myself to chocolate from his desk... Turned out it was dextro. I was sick for a week, really put me off trying alien food."

"Your Dad's in the Alliance?"

"Was. He died when I was 12."

"Oh... I'm sorry. I can't even imagine..."

"Yeah it was hard for awhile, never really stop missing him but- Oh stop looking so scared! I'm not going to break down crying, it was years ago, I can talk about him."

"Oh good. I have **no** idea what to do if you suddenly started crying." Trish tilted her head, trying to decide whether now was a perfect opportunity to segue into the concept of hugging or if that would just scare the other girl off. Before she could make up her mind Shepard asked another question: "What's your favourite memory of him?" It caught her by surprise and she must have paused too long before answering as Nikki started to apologise.

"No, it's OK, I'm just thinking. It's a good question." She smiled as a particular recollection entered her head. "When we were winning at paintball but he got thrown out for 'improper conduct'."

"What? You can't just leave it like that, details!"

"He got a stick, covered it in paint and then kept creeping up behind people to 'slit' their throats." Her fingers made the appropriate air quotes, "People kept moaning that it wasn't fair. They didn't seem to appreciate that it should have been harder than simply shooting them from a distance. Whhiiiich is what he did after being kicked out... Converted a sniper rifle to fire paint, found a high point outside the grounds and shot anyone who tried to flank me."

"Nice!" They were nearly at the building now and Nikki lengthened her stride, subtly at first then increasingly noticeably as Trish kept matching the pace. The older girl glanced bemusedly out the corner of her eye, trying to work out what the sophomore was up to, Nikki practically darting the last couple of steps to hold the door open triumphantly. Trish shaking her head with a smile as she realised that without having made any specific conscious decision she'd been the one holding open the few doors they'd encountered that evening.

Inside was packed and they took a moment to look around and decide what they wanted to eat. Although still a relatively small colony, the drive-thru was a popular location and contained probably the second largest food court on Mindoir with a mixture of local businesses and bigger, galactic level restaurant chains such as Pizza Planet present. Glancing over to ask Nikki's opinion, Trish noticed she was biting her lip, finger tapping away nervously.

"What is it?" Shepard turned with a devilish glint in her eye, gaze briefly locking on before darting away again, tapping increasing in speed. The brunette arched an eyebrow inquiringly: "Come on, what?" Nikki turned her shoulder slightly, almost protectively, her face somehow managing to seemingly flinch and smirk at the same time as she stated:

"There's no queue at Dextro Dave's!"

...

 **Author's note:**

Sorry for the delay on this one, I blame Trish for deciding on a drive-thru movie date set only a couple of days after the last chapter when I had zero ideas for that scenario. It did set up Nikki's closing line of the last chapter perfectly though so I'll let her off. It was only when I saw a picture on FB with the 'take charge' quote I used for the film (originally 'guys like girls who' but I rewrote it without any gender pronouns) that I finally got some inspiration. I would credit it but there wasn't any credit on the post I saw. Once again I'm not entirely sure what's coming next, I keep getting ideas for scenarios after Mindoir but before the trilogy and even a couple of ideas for during the trilogy itself, but this early development stage while they're still teens? Nada. Hopefully a) you're still enjoying it and b) my muse starts giving me ideas in the correct chronological order for once so I can do another chapter. Just in case there's any doubt Nikki is NOT the same Shepard as in my other story, despite them both being colonists, and I currently intend to drag Nikki through the games, muse willing.


	4. First Week

Despite the success of her first date Nikki still got butterflies every time she caught sight of Trish at school. It was a week of smiles as they passed in the corridors, of sitting together at lunch, of just holding hands and talking rubbish. Little, innocent things that shot a thrill of unexplainable nerves and excitement through her nonetheless. And then of course there was their new morning routine:

"Do you want a lift?" Nikki was already grinning, had been since she first heard the now familiar purr of the red convertible's engine creeping up behind her. She glanced to the side as the car pulled level with her, Trish's teasing smile beaming back at her. She shook her head and put on a spurt, sneaking ahead of the vehicle for a grand total of 4 seconds before Trish put her foot on the gas and shot ahead, stopping about 50 meters further up the empty road. The older girl shifted to lean out over the back seat, waiting for Nikki to get closer before calling out once more: "You sure? It's like 40 degrees out here."

"Be hotter later." Nikki ground out as she ran past. Trish swiveled back round and restarted the car, obliterating the youngster's temporary lead and trying to match pace with her, a surprisingly difficult task. "Go any slower and that car's going to stall."

"Then you'd have to stop and fix it for me."

"Fix a stall? If you can't manage that you shouldn't be driving!" And so the banter would continue until one of them feigned offense, Trish speeding away distraught or Nikki turning and running the opposite direction for a bit in disgust. Then it would all be twinkling eyes and repressed laughter next time their eyes met and the same game again next morning.

On Monday the offer of a lift had been genuine and made towards the very start of the journey, by Wednesday however Trish had accepted Nikki either wanted or needed to run and restricted her disruptive activities to the end of the route, on that last little desolate stretch before civilisation started to appear and they had to be safe and sensible again. Thursday had been the hottest day of the summer so far, which may explain why the usually low-crime colony experienced it's first ever drive-by shooting as Trish rolled past firing a water gun. Friday saw Shepard engage in some pre-emptive selfdefense, checking the road was its usual empty self before unloading with a small water pistol of her own, her aim in serious need of improvement. It was a good thing there was no school on Saturday or who knows what form of retaliation it might have brought. Before they could get to the weekend however there was still one more day to get through and Friday night was Fight Night on Mindoir, always had been always will be.

...

All other considerations faded as Nicola felt the familiar pre-fight buzz, unlike the other, more recent butterflies, **these** jitters were old friends and she knew just how to handle them. Everything always seemed to just click into place as she shadow boxed in the dressing room, the calm before the storm. Her storm. Every tingle of nerves cast in to the pit of her stomach then wrangled under control, converted into raw energy and tempered, ready to be unleashed upon her opponent. Tonight it was Guzman. 5-3-1, not her record, **their** record. It had been nearly a year since they last fought, but there was only so many amateur fighters in her age and weight class on Mindoir, rematches were common. So far Nikki was in the lead against this particular rival and she intended to keep it that way.

Familiar music blasted out and she started her walk to the ring, the sights and sounds of the crowd washing over her like a tidal wave. It was an experience that had swept her up and nearly drowned her on her debut years ago, but now she was more experienced and knew how to flow with it, to be carried along in the current while keeping her head above the water. Through the ropes, through the intros, through the referee's final instructions.

"... and no naughties with the head. Good luck, shake hands and back to your corners." The bell rang and suddenly there was no crowd, no thoughts, there was only her and her opponent.

Double jab, right cross, duck beneath a hook, body shot while you're down there and rise with an uppercut. Everything flowed smooth. Guzman landed a couple of shots on her gloves but Shepard fired right back. _On your toes, on your toes. Box, box, box._ She wasn't even sure if the corner was shouting or if the familiar mantra was replaying in her mind from all the times it had been drummed into her through the years. The bell rang.

"Looking sharp kid. Her right hand guard's starting to drop low but don't fall for it, remember that's how she got you last year." _Bell_. Punch and move and block and counter and duck and move and punch. Over and over, a constantly moving, constantly changing flow and _bell_.

" **Hey Nikki!** " She peered out the ring at the shout from her younger brother, "Del Toro just walked in." She shouldn't have looked, it didn't matter who was watching, even if it **was** Mindoir's biggest boxing legend turned promoter. All that mattered in a fight was what was in the ring, she **knew** that, but still she turned her head to look.

"Hey, focus!" The slap from her coach brought her attention back forward but not before she caught the faintest glimpse of blond. A second later her head was turning back round as her brain registered it. Blonds were rare, the only one she'd ever seen in person was... Alice, and there right beside her sat Trish. She felt her stomach do a summersault. The bell rang.

Her mind was racing. _What was Trish doing here? Neither of them had mentioned the fight, had she? Then again it was hardly a secret that she boxed, she'd been boxing for years. Come on, Trish might not even be here for you. What for Guzman? No stupid! But there's plenty other fights, she might just be here as a generic fan, there ARE fight nights here every week._ Punches were coming through now that she would have avoided normally, her fists fighting back on autopilot. A big right hook, stumbled her back a couple paces into the ropes, a cut opening up over her eyebrow. It woke her up and she managed to turn her opponent, landing a couple of shots of her own before dancing away. The bell rang.

"What the hell was that kid?" By rights she knew she should have got another wake up slap, but the coach was too busy working on the cut with cotton swabs. No medigel allowed, traditional cut stopping techniques only until the match was over.

"Come on Nikki!" She recognised her father's voice at ringside, caught sight of the telltale orange glow of an omni-tool. "I didn't bribe those nurses so your mother could watch you lose!" Those words seemed to have the desired effect and the last round was better, focusing on her opponent and casting away all other thoughts once more, although she never quite got back into the rhythm of the first two rounds. As the bell rung for the final time the referee had no hesitation raising her hand, the roar of the crowd lifting her even higher.

"Trish! What are you doing here?" The boxer asked after fighting her way through the crowd, adrenaline still pumping through her veins.

"Supporting our Henry here on his debut," she nodded down at a small boy, his bright blond hair leaving no doubt which of the girls he was related to. "We were just on our way out when they announced you. You were pretty impressive."

"Nah, I was way off in the last two rounds. You should see me when you're not watching!" Before anyone could comment on the wording they were interrupted by the rest of the Shepard clan.

"Nikki get over here! Mom wants a word." She flashed an apologetic smile at Trish and after confirming their original plans for the weekend were still a go, the teenagers went their separate ways.


	5. First Kiss

The lights and noise of the machines clamored for attention as they strolled hand in hand through the arcade, making detours occasionally whenever a game caught their eye. Driving, shooting, air hockey, pinball, they might not have used every machine in the place but from a category standpoint they pretty much played them all.

"Aww, that's cute." Trish exclaimed suddenly as they passed a claw machine filled with stuffed toys.

"Do you want it?" Nicola asked, fishing into her pocket for some tokens. Before she could protest, Shepard already begun maneuvering the joystick. Despite her reservations that the machines were always rigged, Trish couldn't help feel a small thrill of hope and anticipation as the claw descended around the purple penguin plushy, replaced by a wave of disappointment as the talons scraped over the toy rising empty handed. She released a soft sigh, preparing to walk on, but Nikki was already slotting in another token.

...

"Are you always this stubborn?" Trish asked as she leant against the glass of a neighboring machine. They were nearly out of tokens, or at least, Nikki was almost out. She'd offered the other girl a chance to use some of her tokens a couple of times but had been declined. She was pretty sure if she was here with friends or family she would have walked off in frustrated boredom by now.

"Probably" Nikki shrugged, waiting for the empty claw to rise once more before glancing over, a guilty look suddenly shooting across her face. "Sorry, this can't be much fun for you, what do you wanna do?"

 _Oh it's not SO bad,_ Trish found herself thinking. _At least I have something cute and adorable to look at... and I'm_ _ **not**_ _talking about the stuffed animals._ She nearly said it as well, but what came out was: "Can I have a go?" Surprise flashed across Shepard's face, she hesitated a moment as if she was about to say something before shrugging and waving her forward.

"Stand there." Trish commanded, pointing to a specific spot. Suspicion flashed across the youngster's face but she did as she was told, just so happening to cut off the security camera's view of Trish as she activated her omni-tool.

"You're not!?" Nicola's eyes jumped wide in surprise.

"What? It's not **really** stealing, we paid more for the tokens than the toy's worth." Nikki couldn't think of anything to say as a blue and cream striped tiger arose in a metal embrace, making its way across the container and dropping into the reward chute. Trish knelt down to claim her prize, large grin plastered across her face. It faded as she stood, turning towards Nikki, noticing the incredulous look frozen on her face.

Perhaps she'd gone too far hacking the machine, _was it the questionable morality of the act? Or did Nikki think she was showing off? Or showing her up when she'd just spent so much time and money trying to win the traditional, legal way? Or..._ While her brain careened around at a hundred miles an hour her body continued functioning alone. An eyebrow raised and she shook the toy, all of a sudden a laugh broke out, her girlfriend's face collapsing into a smile.

"Well **I** could have got the tiger, I thought you wanted a penguin."

...

They fell panting and laughing onto their backs at the top of a hill. Even though she'd been the one to start the trouble Trish was struggling to understand how quickly things had escalated, how easy it had been to get caught up in the thrill of the illicit. When the arcade's security finally cottoned on to them and she'd yelled to run she certainly hadn't expected Nikki to throw the giant pink bunny at a guard. The rest of the plush prizes had quickly followed suit, thrown into the air to provide a distraction as they legged it.

She let her head drop to the side, taking in the heavy rise and fall of Nikki's chest, her face flushed with exertion. The youngster's head likewise twisted to face her, smiling as she lifted her far hand up, showing off the purple penguin gripped victoriously within.

...

"You keep looking at it, does it bother you?" Nick was still on her back but Trish had rolled onto her side, she forced her gaze away from the cut eyebrow from the night before's fight, she hadn't realised her stares had been that obvious.

"Not really. Does it hurt?"

"Not really."

"So... do you enjoy getting punched in the face?" Nikki chuckled faintly.

"I like **boxing** , usually I try and do this thing where I **avoid** getting punched back too much."

"What went wrong?" Trish asked reaching out a hand and lightly tracing the cut, Nikki's breath hitching slightly at the contact.

"I got distracted."

"So are you saying this is my fault?" They both seemed unaware of how the distance between their bodies was slowly reducing a fraction at a time.

"I wouldn't blame you exactly." Nick's heart was racing as she gazed into bright blue eyes.

"No? You just think it would be safer if I wasn't there in future."

"I think it was more 'cos I wasn't expecting to see you. Why? Do you **want** to watch me get beaten up?"

"That depends how distracting you think I'll be, you could always try doing that thing where you don't get punched." Trish teased, closing the remaining distance and placing her lips to the wound. "There, all better." It had been perfectly chaste, more of a peck than anything sensual, but as she pulled away she noticed an unfocused look to Nikki's eyes.

"You know they have medigel for that right?" Nicola murmured quietly but she didn't sound entirely with it.

"Hey, you OK?" Trish asked softly, suddenly worried. Nikki had been so confident and sure all day that she'd forgotten about the younger girl's inexperience and nerves. The full extent of the physicality in their relationship so far had been hand holding, arm punching and shoulder nudging. She watched as the shock slowly faded into a smile.

"Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine..." The smile suddenly changed from shy wonderment to a cocky grin. "Next time I'll have to try for a busted lip!"

"That can be arranged!" Trish laughed in relief, cocking a fist and winding it back playfully before opening it back up and laying the palm against Nikki's cheek. She tilted her head, gaze flickering between brown eyes and lush lips as she asked the silent question.

Heart pounding so hard she felt sure it was trying to escape via her throat, Nikki swallowed nervously, giving a slight nod of consent. Trish was slow and cautious as she closed the gap once more, searching the younger girl's eyes for hesitation or discomfort, any sign she'd changed her mind. There was a moment of rigidity as her lips pressed against the sophomore's, no more response than if she were practicing against a mirror or arm, just as she wondered if she'd made a mistake there was movement as Nikki copied the elder's actions, hesitant and uncertain but very much willing as they gently pressed their lips together.


	6. First Strike

One of the arcade security guards had recognised her from boxing, _the price of fame_ she thought bitterly as she sat on the couch with the cops questioning her. She admitted to getting frustrated about sinking nearly double the credits that the prize was worth without reward and resorting to hacking the machine. Described how surprised she'd been that it had worked and how she'd got carried away by the thrill of it. Argued that by throwing the toys away before leaving the building they hadn't **technically** removed them from the property and so it wasn't **really** stealing, even offering them the chance to search the house for proof (Luckily Percy the purple penguin was stashed on the other side of town with Trish). Before finally explaining how she had since deleted the hacking program from her omni-tool.

Fortunately the burly security guard she'd 'assaulted' didn't want to press charges, presumably not wanting to give evidence in court about how a girl had knocked him over by throwing a giant, fluffy, pink bunny rabbit toy at him. Throughout it all Nikki kept her eyes on the floor in shame. The shame was genuine enough, she had felt the wave of disappointment that washed through her father when the police had made their purpose at the house known, but it was also in the hope they wouldn't catch her lying through her teeth... so far no-one had been able to identify Trish.

"If you didn't know her before that day then why were you hanging around together?"

"She's pretty, why wouldn't I agree if she asked to hang round with me?" After a long, disbelieving silence in which she refused to break, everybody looked over to Thomas, Nikki with bated breath.

"I'm sorry, I've not been paying as much attention as I should to who the kids have been hanging around with lately. That **will** be changing obviously." Nikki was careful not to allow the relief to show on her face, at various points of her life her father had claimed he would always be there for all his children, but she hadn't been convinced that would include lying to the police on their behalf. _No,_ she suddenly realised with even more pride, _technically NOT lying. Just being extremely careful with the use of words. He didn't actually clarify_ _ **what**_ _he was sorry about, or explicitly state he didn't know who she was with._

In the end she was lucky; her young age, never being in trouble with the law before, the rest of the Shepard clan's pristine records and good standing within the community, her willingness to admit guilt and show remorse, _outstanding acting skills,_ and extenuating circumstances _you what?_ allowed her to escape with a ban from the arcade, a note on her file that would disappear when she reached 18 if she hadn't committed any further crimes and whatever punishment her parents deemed suitable. Nikki stayed in the lounge as her father showed the police out, one of the officers lingered and she could hear their conversation in the hall.

"Thanks for using the kid gloves Ken, I appreciate it."

"No problem Tom, can't be easy for them with Hannah in the hospital." _Wait, that's the extenuating circumstances? That's not why-_ Nicola nearly stormed out to inform them her actions had nothing to do with Mom, but was wise enough to stay put. She was in enough trouble right now. "How is she?"

"Good... I think. Shouldn't be too much longer before she can come home." There was an almost disbelieving chuckle and Nikki could picture her father shaking his head. "Strange to think aliens hadn't even been **discovered** when we got married, now they're helping us produce experimental treatments for medical conditions that don't even affect non-humans."

"Welcome to the new age, Tom. Sure as hell beats shooting the crap out of each other."

...

It was a couple of days later that the red convertible crunched its way up the drive. Nikki had been rather despondent since being grounded but had yet to voice a complaint. Thomas was finding it rather difficult, he'd always felt his role as father was to make his family happy. Sure some would argue that his role should have been to raise them into responsible adults and he tried to do that too, but it simply ate him up inside that his child's misery was a result of his actions.

It would have been easier if she'd shouted and screamed at him about it not being fair, that way he could put his foot down and point out that actually, nearly being arrested really did warrant some kind of punishment. But she just accepted her fate in silence and he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold out.

It hadn't taken long for the missed calls and messages to start piling up on her confiscated omni-tool, all from the same number. He hadn't opened any of them but the subject headings had progressed from the likes of 'hey', through to 'are you OK?' and finally into 'at least tell me you're not dead?' He'd almost felt sorry for the girl on the other end until he remembered she was the reason his darling daughter was in this mess in the first place. Not even dating for a fortnight and he was already getting a visit from the police, that was beyond unacceptable.

He caught the brief glimmer of hope and happiness that shone in Nicola's eyes at the sound of the car but as she looked at him and saw his face and body language practically demanding: 'stay inside while I deal with this' the light had faded from her face and she slunk off to her room.

...

Thomas stood with his arms folded outside the front door watching the teenager carefully. He recognised her from that day in the field and was regretting ever having pointed her out to his daughter. She was older than Nikki and had a confident air about her, that had probably helped with leading his daughter astray. When it became apparent he wasn't going to speak and no-one else was coming out the brunette's confidence seemed to fade ever so slightly and she tentatively made her approach.

"Hi, is Nikki there?" He nodded his head in silence, it was a couple more beats before, clearly struggling to retain an eye roll, she asked: "Well can I see her?"

"She's grounded." A couple of emotions passed over the teen's face among them relief and understanding that her messages hadn't simply been ignored. She limited her response to a simple:

"Why?"

"We had a visit from the police, she confessed to hacking the machines in the arcade." He shrugged as if it was nothing, keeping his tone neutral, trying not let his anger out.

"What? Why? She didn't..." The confusion faded into something stronger as the brunette straightened and looked him in the eye. "Well you can stop punishing her Sir. She didn't do it, I did."

"If she didn't do it then she lied, and is still grounded." Thomas stated evenly, still managing to hide his emotions. He'd been certain Nikki hadn't done it but had no choice but to punish her when she confessed, now his mind couldn't decide whether to be relieved that she was innocent or frustrated that she'd been willing to risk everything for this good for nothing temptress- _Who would have got off scott-free if she hadn't just come clean to you... Dammit, they're as bad as each other!_ It was all too easy as children to get carried away and have little pranks snowball in severity, he recalled a few the boys had got caught up in, and as for his own youth... He suppressed a sigh, analyzing the girl in front of him's reaction as he tested: "Would you be willing to repeat that in front of police officers?"

...

"What you doing?" The enquiry came round the open door frame, aimed at the disgruntled body flopped on its back on the bed.

"Nothin' I'm grounded ain't I." Came the reply before Nicola suddenly shot up into a sitting position, eyes wide in surprise as her brain suddenly processed what her ears had heard. "Trish! What are you doing here?"

"Your father let me in." Confusion swept across the youngster's face.

"So... am I **not** grounded anymore?"

"Oh no you're still grounded, but your dad felt I should remind you that the exact wording of your punishment was that you were 'confined to the farm except when required to leave for school or work' and **apparently** the farm is pretty big..."

...

 **Author's note:**

I have no idea what happened in the last chapter, when I first came up with the idea of this story it was for a civilian love interest having to put up with all the weird stuff Shepard goes through while helping keep her grounded, she was supposed to be the calm dependable one and I just wanted to do a little back story for them together on Mindoir to explain how she actually managed to spend enough time with a civilian to have something more than a one night stand. But here we are and Trish keeps being a cocky little rebel.

Hopefully now Shepard's dad's stepped in and had a word she'll sort herself out. I'm aware you don't really get much of their conversation but I was really struggling to get believable dialogue for the scene, rest assured they had a deep and meaningful conversation before he let her in the house.

Anyway hopefully we can get back to the nice relationship building up between the two, the next chapter certainly has promise if I can pull it off, after that the chapters are going to start having more time passing between them in world so don't be surprised if there seems to be jumps of progression in their relationship. As always let me know if there's anything in particular that you like or dislike and I hope you're still enjoying it despite it's slight detour.


	7. Chapter 7

"What do you mean you can't swim?" The shocking revelation had Nikki pushing herself up onto her elbows as she glanced across at her girlfriend beside her, sunbathing in one of the already harvested fields.

"I... can't swim! What's so hard to understand?"

"But... it's swimming. How can you not know how to swim?" Nicola seemed to be having difficulty grasping the concept and her lack of understanding was pushing Trish on to the defensive about the perceived defect.

"Do **you** know the Sidonis-Kader algorithm?"

"No, but a) that's complicated, and b) I'm not going to drown if I don't know it."

"Hey I know how to not drown! I just can't swim." They sat staring at each other, both unwilling to either back down or apologise before Nikki suddenly jumped up, offering her hand out.

"That's it, come on. I'm teaching you to swim."

"What, now? Come on Nick, you're still grounded."

...

"It'll be **fine**! Stop worrying and come on." Thomas heard his daughter's protests in the background as he answered him omni-tool.

"Hey Mr Shepard," Trish's voice rung out once he'd made his presence on the call known. "We were just wondering if the lake counts as being on the farm?" _'We'? Didn't sound much like a joint decision to check to me._ He paused thoughtfully, ownership of the lake had always been an iffy subject with the local landowners, it had eventually been decided that each farm's territory ended at their respective bank and the lake itself would be usable by all but owned by none. _Which Nikki knows!_ He was glad his talk with the older girl seemed to be having the desired effect but his own daughter seemed to be more and more willing to push at the boundaries set upon her. He couldn't just back down, she still had another week of being grounded left, but at the same time he remembered how every time his own parents had imposed limits on him as a kid it had just made him more resentful and rebellious.

"Officially it's not Trish. However since you were both good enough to check," he knew Nicola hadn't planned to, he also knew she could hear him and that the perceived assumption that she'd always do the right thing would guilt trip her into doing right next time far more effectively than reprimanding her for not. "I think as long as Nikki doesn't touch any other bank but ours then an argument could be made that she hasn't stepped anywhere that isn't the farm."

"Thanks Mr Shepard you're the best!"

...

"This is NOT a good idea Nikki. What if something goes wrong?"

"Come on, you told me you knew how to not drown!" The youngster teased treading water several feet away from the bank. She became serious as she saw the brunette still standing, fully clothed on the edge of the bank and swam back over to her, tapping the top of her foot. "Hey, sit down a moment so I can reach." She smiled as Trish complied, stretching one wet hand out the water to hold her girlfriend's dry one.

"Look, I'm not going to pull you in here or make you do anything you're not comfortable with, but I promise you you'll be safe. I won't let anything happen to you." Her other hand had come up to gently caress a cheek and Trish impulsively leant forward for a kiss, Shepard's body lifting slightly out the water as she happily reciprocated. Suddenly Trish felt a damp hand push her chest back as Nikki pulled away from her lips with a smirk. "Careful, don't want you falling in... Just think about it OK? I'm going to swim over to the other side and when I get back either I've gotta get out or you're coming in."


	8. Chapter 8

Trish had quickly become a regular at the Shepard farmstead and Thomas soon found his initial misgivings fading. It was clear that both teens were happy together and the older girl had obviously taken his words to heart. It couldn't have been easy for them to spend the start of their relationship confined to the farm, unable to get away and do the typical dating things and yet the Stewart girl hadn't moved on to easier pickings like he'd half expected her to.

His other worry, that Nicola would stop working in order to spend more time with her girlfriend, was also proving to be unfounded. Instead they settled into something of a routine, Trish turning up just before lunch so they could spend the break together then when the farmhands returned to work sometimes she'd drive off, returning again in the evening, but more often she'd sit at the side of the field with a datapad or fiddling with her omni-tool until Nikki was finished for the day. It was no real hardship to make another portion of the evening meal, after all John's girlfriend was often present as well and they had the option of eating out.

The two girls would often join in with family game nights, go out together around the farm or just head up to Nikki's room to chill out. Admittedly that last, (ok and quite often the second) would involve a silent warning look from him to the elder but... Thomas took a quick glance at the clock before returning his attention to the pouring rain outside the window, the girls were cutting it very close.

The school holidays had come round by the time Nikki's punishment expired and Thomas made sure she got plenty of days off. It would have been so easy for them to go overboard with their new found freedom and it was true they spent as much time as possible out and about; town, the drive-thru and god knows where else, but there had been no more brushes with the law and they always made it back on time. Although thinking about it that may have been in part due to the lack of an actual curfew. He was pretty certain: 'Be back by a sensible time' and 'let me know if you change your plans' didn't exactly count. It was just typical that the one day they'd been given a deadline, it looked like they wouldn't make it. He finally caught sight of two shapes running towards the house, an implosion of noise as they burst through the door, their clothes saturated and hair drenched from the storm outside.

"You're late."

"What? No! You said 3 o'clock, it's only seven minutes to!" His dripping daughter protested vehemently.

"I said we were leaving at 3. You need to have a shower and a change of clothes or you'll catch cold. There's not enough time." He softened his voice. "I'm sorry Nikki, we won't be long."

" **It's not fair!** " He bit back a chuckle. Grounded, omni-tool confiscated and a note on her police file for masterminding a crime she was merely accomplice to, not a peep. Not allowed to come to the spaceport... Well at least she had her priorities straight. He looked at the soaked through Trish:

"Make sure you both get clean and dry." She nodded and he turned away before pausing to shout over his shoulder, "and make sure you use **separate** showers!" As he headed towards the car where the boys were already strapped in waiting, he could hear the older girl trying to calm Nikki down and lead her upstairs, but mostly he could hear his daughter:

"But we were on time! It's not fair, it's not my fault. I didn't make it rain on the way back... Hang on... What was he going on about separate showers for? How else are we supposed to shower?"

...

The flickering light of the TV screen provided enough illumination to see the sleeping teens curled up together on the sofa, they looked so peaceful and content. If the quiet giggling of his sons as they crept into the room was anything to go by it wouldn't last long. They paused, looking not quite over at him for a moment before jumping the girls, his eldest pulling Trish out of the melee with a hand over her mouth. The sibling play fighting had been all fun and games for years but they had quickly learnt that any suggestion of Trish being hurt or upset removed all trace of friendliness from Nikki. Speaking of his daughter, she finally noticed the other details of the room, releasing Mark from a headlock with a shove to keep him away from her as she lurched over in roughly his direction with young Kevin still clinging to her shoulders.

" **Mom!** " Thomas winced slightly as she practically collapsed around the wheelchair enveloping the woman inside in a tight hug before springing back as if she'd been shocked. "I didn't hurt you did I? Sorry-"

"It's fine Nick, it'll take more than that to hurt me."

"She _means_ , she's on so much pain medication she can't feel a thing." Thomas corrected.

"Careful darling, _**you**_ can still feel pain." His wife countered threateningly before turning her attention upon the stranger in the room. In any other circumstance she would have been furious at the sight of someone elbowing her son hard enough for him to double up, but considering the awakening she'd just witnessed she'd make a one time exception. "Are you going to introduce your friend to me Nikki?"

"This is my **girlfriend** Trish. Trish this is my horrible, evil mother." The older girl's lips twitched as she held back a smile, both at the chosen emphasis and the obvious affection she'd already seen on display for the 'evil' woman.

"Nice to meet you ma'am."

"Ma'am? Such manners, you must be new here. Hannah's fine. If I want to feel old I'll look at this rabble. Now then, I suppose congratulations are in order." Trish was wondering about the use of the word 'suppose' when she realised the conversation was no longer aimed at her but the woman's husband. "You didn't kill any of them while I was away after all..."

"Mom thought you'd been food poisoned to death in the car." Kevin told Nikki in a very loud whisper. "That's why you weren't with us, dad had deaded you."

"Killed Kevin, not deaded, that's not a real word. I thought your dad had 'killed' her."

"It doesn't matter what the word is." Thomas interrupted, noticing the guilt and regret rising on his daughter's face at not being there. "And my cooking is not that bad!"

"Well you know what they say, 'whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger'." John joined in on teasing his father and if she hadn't spent so much time around the Shepards Trish would have been either very confused or rather worried. She thought Thomas's cooking was actually pretty good, but then again she also knew the family were always joking about.

"Oh I know all about that, I've been on hospital food for months now. I think I'm capable of making an accurate judgement as to which is worse. All I need is a sample, care to make us some dear?"

"As long as you're sure your life insurance is up to date then fine." Thomas added to the jokes being fired at his expense, "Shepherd's pie coming right up. Staying Trish?"

...

"I thought Shepherd's pie was made with potato?" Trish murmured quietly to Nikki as she looked at her plate and the chicken, mushroom and cheese pie wrapped in puff pastry upon it. She was surprised to feel her girlfriend stiffen beside her but before she could analyse what she'd said or done wrong they were interrupted.

"I'm a Shepard Trish, any pie I make is Shepherd's pie." Thomas retorted, her remark clearly not as quiet as she'd hoped. There were groans in all directions from the children at the terrible dad joke and Hannah simply shook her head with a smile. The incident put her firmly in the spotlight however as her girlfriend's mother turned to address her.

"So I'm curious Trish, baseball bat or shovel?"

"Erm, what?" Now she was really confused. The comment came completely out of nowhere and without a sense of context she wasn't entirely sure whether or not she was being threatened.

"My daughter. Did you hit her round the head with a baseball bat or a shovel?" There was a groan beside her and a quick glance to the side revealed a reddening Nikki hiding her head in her hands. "She was pretty oblivious and hopeless when I left, you must have done something to get her attention."

"My car **may** have purposefully broken down on the way to school so I could talk to her."

"And that was enough?" There was clear disbelief in the woman's voice and Trish was inclined to be offended on her girlfriend's behalf until she remembered just how awkward and naive Nikki had been. She caught sight of the silent 'kill me now' Nicola mouthed across the table to her amused brothers and their subtle but delighted shakes of the head.

"Well... It worked the second time..." Hannah laughed.

"Oh, I like you." It was as if a weight had been lifted from the collective shoulders of the people around the table and they all started breathing again. Which was absurd because Trish hadn't even been aware of any tension until it lifted.

"Well I guess it's official then," Thomas stated, "you're part of the flock now." Groans and insults were hurled through the air in response to the pun but Trish didn't care, her attention caught by Nicola's shy smile.


	9. (Not quite First) Birthdays

Nikki had struggled to come up with present ideas for Trish's birthday. Sure she'd bought her stuff before but that was different, that was little spur of the moment things on random, insignificant days. This was the first time she'd had to get her girlfriend something for a specified gift giving day. A day with expectations around it and other people around to judge her on them. In the end she'd settled for two gifts, a small piece of jewelry her family had helped pick and a book.

She'd liked the stupid book idea at the time, thought it would be a laugh, but now as she glanced round at Trish's extended friends and family she was getting somewhat nervous; there was a slight possibility of the book getting her slapped.

While the Shepards were a large but compact, tight knit family, the Stewarts were the opposite. Normally it was just Trish and her Mum on Mindoir but the event had pulled in relatives from across the galaxy and it was the first time Nicola had seen most of them.

"Your Uncle's sorry he couldn't be here but he couldn't get leave so soon after the promotion." Somebody informed the birthday girl, handing over a well wrapped box as Nikki snuck closer to the central group.

"It's OK, I understand. The Alliance-" An involuntary gasp cut off Trish's reply as she opened the gift. "If he sends presents like this he can miss ALL my birthdays!" For a brief moment Shepard found herself pulled by conflicting emotions, happiness at the obvious joy on her girlfriend's face and a twinge of jealousy that it hadn't been her to cause it.

The jealousy faded quickly however as Trish entered full geek mode, excitedly spouting off facts and figures concerning the new top of the range omni-tool she was in the process of attaching to her wrist. Her old model placed carefully, almost reverently, into the box for safe keeping. As Nikki looked at some of the other already open presents, many of which had a decidedly 'stereotypical 17th birthday present for girls' feel about them, she was glad at least one of Trish's distant relatives had paid attention to her girlfriend's actual interests.

" **Nikki!** " Her wandering attention was pulled back in a rush as Trish finally noticed her and launched herself into the youngster's arms, Nicola having to twist them both into a twirl to prevent the momentum knocking them over.

"Happy Birthday beautiful." The resulting kiss caused Nikki to blush, not from the public display of affection itself, but rather the assorted noises from the assembled adults which mostly consisted of themes along the lines of 'Aww!' A shy smile graced her lips as they rested their foreheads together, fingers brushing as she passed the smaller of the two parcels over. Trish barely had time to flick a finger under the first strip of sellotape before they were interrupted by a twenty-something year old male.

"Your mum says it's time for the cake. Presents were supposed to be handed in to the table." He directed the last bit at Nikki, conveniently overlooking the many gifts already handed directly to the birthday girl by guests.

"I'll go when I'm ready, a few minutes difference won't be the end of the world." Trish stated, shooting a withering glare at the older relative.

"But your mum said-" The death stare proving ineffective she looked apologetically at Nikki before gesturing at the larger, hard looking package the younger girl was still holding.

"Is that breakable?" Nicola shook her head bemused, offering no resistance as Trish took it gently from her before spinning round and thumping the man on the shoulder. "Sean. {thunk} Leave {thunk} us {thunk} alone. I'll be there {thunk} when I'm {thunk} ready." He grabbed the makeshift bludgeon and hurried away, depositing it on the relevant table among a pile of other gifts. Trish twisted back round to her girlfriend with a sigh, completely missing the amused sparkle in the eyes and the way Nicola had to bite her lip to hold back the laughter as she launched into an apology.

"Don't worry about it." Nikki interrupted popping a finger on the elder girl's lips to shut her up. "At least I know you're making good use of my present." Her smirk was returned by a groan. "Come on, we should head over."

"Not yet. I want to open this first." She held up the small parcel, unwrapping it carefully while Nikki watched nervously. Wrapping paper removed, she glanced up at Nikki's face as she popped the jewelry box lid up, eyes dropping down to look inside. "It's beautiful..." She lifted the chain out, cupping the pendant in her palm as she inspected it closer. "What is it?"

With an incredible display of self-control and tremendous willpower Nikki managed to refrain from the obvious reply of 'a necklace', and the almost as bad answer of 'a heart and crown'. For once actually responding to the question somebody meant to ask rather than the words they uttered, knowing her partner was referring to the strange green and yellow 'gem' in the centre.

"It's heather. Dyed and pressed together, each one's supposed to be unique." Trish held the necklace out, lifting up her hair with her other hand and Nikki obeyed the unspoken command to put it round her neck. "Do you like it?"

"I love it. Thank you"

...

Nikki hadn't intended to abandon her girlfriend. She'd stepped away for a brief moment to get some juice and when she came back the birthday girl had been abducted by yet another group of relatives. She wandered around the party, completely at a loss what to do before catching sight of the telltale blond hair of a member of the Cooper family. Strolling over she was pleased to find Alice and others from school that she could actually talk to without risk of upsetting some strange family power balance.

The peace didn't last long however. Her name being yelled was both the first she knew of the fact that Trish had started opening more presents, and the sole warning before she was hit from over twenty feet away by a copy of 'The Beginner's Guide to Car Mechanics'. Alice was the first to move, picking the book off the floor and chuckling when she saw what it was.

"How dead am I?" Nikki asked as the blonde looked over her shoulder towards the birthday girl.

"Well... she's smiling now at least, but I'd watch out if I were you." Nikki nodded glumly but the older girl's prophecy was forgotten about by the next day. It took a while longer for her to learn that her girlfriend was of the 'forgive but don't forget' variety; Trish waiting until Nicola's own birthday before enacting her revenge.

Despite being the more significant number of 'Sweet Sixteen' Nikki's party was a much smaller affair, nobody flying in from offworld to see her. She was however surrounded by her family at the dinner table when she opened a birthday book of her own, to everyone else's great amusement... 'Flirting for Dummies'.

...

 **Author's note:** You may have noticed Shepard's birthday slip quietly into the last paragraph, she's now 16 and the clock is ticking towards the end of Act 1. Also that Nikki's mother is addressed as Mom and Trish's mother as Mum. There's no real reason for this but it isn't a typo. Hope you're all still enjoying.


	10. Chapter 10

[Can you pick me up?] Nikki was already attempting to remember where she left her car keys, smiling as she typed a response to her girlfriend.

[Your wish is my command :) Where are you?] Keys in hand she cast about for socks and shoes, pulling them on as her omni-tool buzzed.

[Home. Don't get out the car, be ready to hit the gas.] She frowned as she left the house, ever since her birthday they'd been splitting driving duties but something didn't feel right.

[I'm on my way. What's happened?] There was no reply. Not for the first time Nikki found herself cursing the distance between their houses as her imagination span out of control. Stopped at a junction she tried again. [Trish? You OK?]

...

Nikki's heart was in her mouth as she cruised down the drive, nerves tense and senses straining, not knowing what to expect but ready for anything. Her eyes searched the shadows for danger, or for Trish she wasn't sure which, but there was no sign of either.

The house seemed silent, a single light on downstairs as she pulled up outside. She reached for her omni-tool to send a message that she was here but her girlfriend burst through the front door before she'd even started typing.

Moments later a tall silhouette was visible in the hallway, an utterly bewildered Nikki shouting a warning. Trish didn't even break her stride, omni-tool glowing orange as her fingers slid over the interface, the door behind her shutting with a hiss seconds before the figure reached it.

"Go!" Trish practically threw herself inside the car, Shepard obeying automatically despite having no idea what was going on. A small amount of relief filled her when the person locked inside the house started shouting, while not easing her confusion it put paid to some of the more nightmarish scenarios concocted by her brain on the way over when she was finally able to identify Mrs Stewart's frustrated tones:

"Trish get back here! Patricia Stewart! **Nikki!** "

...

"Thanks for the rescue." Nikki had been casting occasional side glances at her partner the entire way but it wasn't until she pulled into an empty car park on the top of a hill that Trish broke her silence.

"Anytime... What was all that about?" Nikki jerked her head back the way they'd come but Trish shook her head with a sigh, reaching out to trace Nikki's face.

"Nothing... Please? I don't want to have to think about it just yet." The lie was as obvious as the fact that she saw right through it but Nikki merely nodded after a brief hesitation.

"Ok..." She struggled to think of another topic to discuss. "What was that thing you did with your omni-tool? All the doors flashed red."

"Mid range burst to override all the doors on a specified frequency, can be set to open or lock."

"Really? You managed that from your omni-tool? How's it work?" Nicola knew if she could get her girlfriend talking about tech she'd speak and think about nothing else. It was the perfect distraction. Unfortunately the older girl misread her intentions.

"Oh no! Your dad will **kill** me if I teach you that!"

"What you're allowed it but I'm not?"

"Hey neither of us is exactly allowed it." Trish admitted. "But I got bored and wanted to see if I could make the software from scratch. There's hundreds of downloadable lock hacking programs on the dark net so I knew it **could** be done, I just had to work out the necessary coding. You see each lock manufacturer has about twenty different..."

...

"My mum's got a new job..." They'd been out for hours now, one distraction leading to another until they descended back into silence, led on the grass watching the stars. Apparently Trish was finally ready to face facts. "It's... it's on Earth." The hand that had been tracing circles on her shoulder paused a moment as Nikki processed the information, Trish rolling over to face her. "I don't want to go."

"Then don't. Stay here with me."

"I can't Nikki. I want to, but I can't."

"You're seventeen, you can do what you want!"

"Not according to the law. Systems Alliance parliament dictates the age of human majority is eighteen-"

"Screw the Alliance, this is Mindoir. Look if you need a guardian then ask my parents, you can stay with us. They'll agree to it, I know they will."

"It's not that simple Nick."

"Then I'll come with you!"

"And do what? There's no farms left on Earth Nikki and even if there were, you're even younger than me."

"We'll figure something out. Don't worry, there's still time to come up with a plan... I'll think of something..."


	11. Chapter 11

Thomas Shepard sighed as he watched his daughter sitting a short distance away from the rest of the farm workers during the lunch break. She had been moody and detached ever since the Stewart family had left Mindoir. It was understandable, Trish had been her first love. Thomas wondered if it was his fault, he had pushed her to talk to the other girl, encouraged her to give it a go... No, the time they'd spent together had been the happiest he'd ever seen her, that was NOT something he was going to feel guilty about. First heartbreak was something just about everybody had to go through at some point, it was just unfortunate that they'd been pulled apart before their feelings had a chance to run the course.

His ruminations were broken as people started standing and pointing, a shape growing bigger against the sky. They weren't due a supply drop for another month, the weather forecasts hadn't predicted meteor showers, it was too big to be a shuttle, and Alliance ships always waited in orbit. A separate shape became visible, then another. Some of the men had their omni-tools out now, although he wasn't techie enough to know what they were doing.

"Batarians!" The call sent a chill down his spine.

Despite having lived most his life in a pre-contact galaxy he had done his best to raise his children to be free of prejudice, not to jump straight to stereotypes when dealing with people, but batarians? Multiple batarian ships entering atmosphere could mean only one thing. That wasn't being specieist, it was being a realist.

"Nikki!" In seconds his middle child and sole daughter was in front of him ready and alert. There was a pool of emotion behind her eyes but he didn't have time to analyse it. "Nick, go get your mother. Take her somewhere safe."

"What abo-" She tried to interrupt but Thomas guessed the question before she asked.

"I'll get the boys. We can all meet up later."

"Where?" A pause as he mentally flicked through possibilities. It needed to be defensible but escapable, hidden but where the whole family could find each other, and most of all, somewhere where the rest of the colony wouldn't run and lead the batarians right to them.

"Twelfth Birthday." A nod of understanding and she turned, sprinting away without another word.

...

Smoke clawed at her lungs as she ran through the house. Miss Mills would probably find it symbolic; the childhood home in flames as the last vestige of innocence and childish illusions came crashing down. It would just be a number to Mr Turner, or possibly a venn diagram; 'homes wrecked on a sunday' in one circle, 'buildings destroyed by fire' in the other. Mrs Lewis probably wouldn't even consider it worth mentioning; just one more farm lost to conflict, insignificant in the greater annuals of history, a mere footnote to the raid. A noise caught her attention.

"Mom!"

"Get out of here Nikki!" Fear enabled the older woman to raise her voice louder than usual as she caught sight of her daughter through the smoke, moving closer to both her and the raging inferno behind her.

Nicola ignored her, crouching down and lifting fallen debris off the elder woman. It was a pointless action, on average it usually took Hannah a good five minutes to walk from one side of the house to the other with her sticks and that was when there wasn't any additional hazards present.

"No, I'm not fucking leaving you!"

"Language." Speaking hurt but the admonishment was instinctively on her lips before she could even think.

"I won't swear if you don't die." Nikki attempted to barter and a wheezy chuckle escaped Hannah's lungs. Her daughter had a stubborn streak a mile wide and they didn't have time to argue, it was clear if she wanted her child to reach safety there was only one way it was going to happen. She mentally prepared herself for the agony that would come with moving.

"Deal."

...

"Nikki wait." For a moment Hannah thought the teenager wasn't going to listen as she glanced over and kept moving, one arm wrapped round her mother's waist, the other holding onto the arm responsible for shifting most of her weight onto the youngster's shoulders. Once they reached the shelter of the garden wall she stopped and helped her down into cover.

"We should head to the barn." Hannah pointed towards the relevant building, Nikki's gaze following her arm. "There's weapons there, we might need them."

' _Far away_ ', it wasn't a description Nicola had ever associated with the barn before, but she did now. ' _Wrong direction_ ' was another one. The pain and fatigue were obvious on her mother's face and they still had a long way to go. There was no point dragging her across there, it was too open, nowhere to take cover, would take longer and leave them further away from their objective than their current location.

However her mom had a point, she might not have any real weapons experience to speak of but today having guns might make the difference between life and death. Actually neither of those options seemed so bad anymore, it might make the difference between liberty and slavery.

"I'll get them, wait here." Hannah opened her mouth to protest but Nikki beat her to it. "Take a moment to catch your breath. Dad said to meet him and the boys near Palmono point and we can't exactly drive up." _Even if the cars_ _ **weren't**_ _a blackened heap of burning metal._

"OK, the locker code is 7-23-11-8." Hannah saw her daughter's lips move as she silently recited the numbers in an attempt to memorise them, then abruptly stop mid-cycle as she realised the link that would guarantee easy recollection. A single nod signified receipt of the information before looking analytically back across the empty yard.

"Stay down, I'll be right back." With that she turned, running towards the barn, ears filled with noise from the crackling fire and the distant sound of fighting from the direction of town. Her fellow Mindoirians clearly had no intention of simply surrendering to their fate.

Nikki's nerves strained in anticipation of the shouts of discovery or bark of much closer gunfire she expected to interrupt at any moment, but she made it to the heavy doors in one piece. Despite never being allowed inside the gun cabinet, or perhaps because of that fact, Nikki knew exactly where it was located and headed straight there, inputting the code on the keypad. She was slightly surprised by just how many weapons there were inside, hunting rifles sitting side by side with shotguns for pest control and numerous pistols occasionally carried as personal protection if Thomas had to go into town when he knew a ship of less savory reputation was in port.

Nikki eyed the array before her, searching not for the prettiest or meanest looking weapon, but for any that felt familiar. There was no point taking a gun that looked like it could blow a hole in the wall if the recoil would break her wrist. No doubt if Kevin was here he would be spouting off the relevant stats for each weapon, her younger brother currently going through a gun craze phase, but she had to go off instinct and memory of less than a handful glass bottle shooting, gun 'safety and respect' lessons.

In the end she settled for a couple of pistols and a shotgun having considered taking more but not wanting to weigh herself down too much. It would be a long trek to Palmono point and she would have to carry or at the very least support most of her mother's weight for a lot of it. Leaving her behind wasn't an option she even considered.

The weapons could still be useful to other people if they found them though. She didn't want to leave the chest open incase the batarians were the next ones to show up, but at the same time if they could help the colonists... Her eyes settled on a nearby datapad and decision made she scooped it up, closing the chest before typing out:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

John, Mark, Nikki and Kevin

Anyone who worked on the farm should be able to break the code, same with the neighbours and any friends of the family. It was the best she could do, with luck it would help someone. She paused thoughtfully, she knew why her father had chosen the meeting place he did, he didn't want them in the middle of a group of refugees making a tempting target for the batarians to hunt down but... She added another line to her message:

The Shepard's invite you to celebrate Nikki's 12th birthday

It had been a small family affair, not many people knew the details. She hoped the second clue would be too cryptic for any casual passersby, but if any of her brothers turned up at the house without running into their dad on the way, and if they were sensible enough to check the barn, then they should know where to head next. Satisfied she saved the message, turned the datapad onto power save mode, placed it just above the keypad and left the building.

...

The cave was relatively hard to find if you didn't know where to look for it but remarkably easy to remember once you knew where it was. The giant stone with the lightening bolt shaped crack signified they were getting close and they headed to the left, (or east if giving instructions to people coming from differing directions). Two and a half minutes later Nikki disappeared, scouting the first tunnel before heading back to help her mother inside. Hannah was clearly at the end of her endurance, the day's activities far surpassing the physios recommended limit of three to four hours walking or light exercise per day. It was pure Shepard stubbornness that kept her going now. Not so much her own but her daughter's. It was a parent's duty to protect their children, but with no way to convince Nicola to leave her behind the only way to ensure her daughter's safety was to make it there herself. So she dug deep, each step a minor victory and a challenge to go one further until finally the rock opened up into a large cavern.

Nikki placed her carefully down on the ground, eyes searching for any external injuries before sweeping the cave. Bounding seemed the wrong word, there was no joy in her daughter's step as she moved briskly in an almost bounding like motion to the underground river that dissected their hideout, slowing only to collect a selection of metal cups left behind on a previous visit. Three mugs in each hand, dipping them into the water before hurrying back.

It was a battle of wills, pig headed versus stone headed. In the end Nikki drunk one cup to shut her up while forcing her to drink the other five, before heading back to refill them. In retrospect it was a rather stupid and pointless display, it wasn't as if the water supply was limited, but they had each been caught up in caring, worrying for the other's wellbeing and wanting them to be taken care of first. Hannah watched her daughter with a mixture of pride and concern as she crouched down at the river's edge.

...

 _Twelfth birthday_. _Dad said to meet up where we went for my twelfth birthday_. Nikki eyed the river speculatively, there was an underwater tunnel that led to an even deeper cavern. THAT had been what was special about her twelfth, being allowed down that passage for the first time, Thomas acknowledging that she was good enough, her lungs big enough, to make it through. It would be even more secure in there, there was always a chance no matter how remote of someone or something stumbling into their current cave but only a handful of local potholers knew about the other.

 _What if the others are already inside?_ There was no way her mother would be able to make it, not in her current state. _I just need to know if they're in there, then I can come back and help Mom._ _ **No**_ _._ The realisation hit her clearly. Her family were either in there or they weren't, knowing wouldn't change the facts. If they were then they'd be safe, if they weren't then she was just wasting time. She could check later but there were more important things to take care of first. Decision made she downed another cup of water, refilling the whole set before making her way back to her mother.

...

Something had changed by the time her daughter stood back up, it was subtle but as she strode towards her Hannah had a feeling she wasn't going to like what happened next. It started off fine, Nikki making sure she was alright and as comfortable as possible, then she asked if she'd be ok on her own for a bit and Hannah felt her heart sink. After everything she'd gone through to make sure they got to safety, Nikki was going to head back out and she hadn't the strength left to stop her.

She'd protested of course, but her daughter calmly and rationally explained how she had to make sure they hadn't left any tracks for the batarians to follow. How afterwards she was going to head up to the lodge a couple of miles away and see if she could find any supplies. They had escaped the fire with their lives but nothing else and they'd need more than water to survive.

"Nicola..." It made sense but she'd be remiss if she didn't try one last time to keep her daughter safe. Two years ago she would have been able to talk her out of it. Three years ago she still had the physical capabilities to stop her, but now... Nikki looked back at her unflinchingly with steely determination in her eyes and Hannah sighed. "Be careful love ok?"

She nodded and Hannah was left alone with a pistol and six cups of water while her daughter strode out to face the chaos with a pistol, a shotgun and her wits.


	12. Chapter 12

Trish had cried seemingly non-stop for days when her father died, breaking down as soon as she heard the news, but no tears fell for the people of Mindoir. It was too big, too incomprehensible. She was in the cafeteria when the breaking news came over the vid screens. At first she didn't pay much attention, food and social interaction was all that mattered to the hundreds of teenagers in the room and she was no exception until she heard the word 'Mindoir'. She froze in the queue until someone prodded her forward and she continued on autopilot, selecting a meal and making it back to her regular table all the while completely numb to the outside world.

"Hey Trish, are you ok?" One of her new friends asked and she nodded wordlessly, eyes not leaving the screen. Rachel turned to follow her gaze.

"Shit, you're from Mindoir aren't you?" Understanding and concern streaked across her face as the brunette gave another nod. "You still got family there?" Trish shook her head, finally managing to force some words past her tight throat.

"Mum's here on Earth, think today's Helsinki."

"Oh, that's alright then." Rachel flashed a reassuring smile and returned to her conversation, content in having done her part, unaware of the sheer depth of despair embroiling her friend. Trish's family might have been safe but what about Nikki? Alice? Henry? Thomas? Mr Connor at the corner shop? Every friend and acquaintance she'd known, loved or hated in the past five years?

The first couple of days she lived with an optimistic sense of denial, hoping against hope that the people she cared about would be OK. Sure, there was bound to be some casualties in town, but the Alliance would respond and save the colony before anything bad could happen to her friends. That hope faded more each day as further reports came in. New Amsterdam, the youngest and southernmost settlement, was quickly reclaimed and had come out relatively unscathed, but the further North the rescue teams went the worse the reports got.

By the time she started recognising locations on the news it had been days without finding human survivors, everyone either dead or enslaved. It had only been 13 years since first contact but humanity had heard the horror stories about batarian slavers and now Trish found herself hoping with every ounce of her being that all her friends were dead.

As the latest news report showed 'scenes some viewers may find disturbing' of slave pens at Jemison she finally broke down.

...

Nikki was also watching the slave pens but without the luxury of a vid screen and several solar systems between them and her. It was her third day staking out the hospital and she wasn't entirely sure why the batarians were using it as a stronghold.

Sure she could understand why others would use it; sterile rooms, plentiful drugs, but neither of those resources were being utilised as the batarians pulled captives out of the cages and cut into their heads without anesthetic in the courtyard. The screams tore through the air, chilling her to the bone. At least one of the houses along the perimeter had a pile of vomit inside from her earlier recons but she was starting to become desensitized, her brain shutting out the horrors, refusing to process it in self preservation.

A couple of times she thought she caught sight of familiar faces but so far she had been lucky enough not to spot anyone she knew by name. She didn't know how she would cope with that. The thought of seeing one of her brothers down there... she quickly derailed that train of thinking before she charged the compound with a shotgun. She'd be dead before she reached the perimeter and her mom still needed her. She had to face facts, it had been over two weeks and no one else had made it to the caves, the chances of survival were slim but she had to hope. She knew her family would have fought and even if they didn't survive, death **had** to be preferable to what was going on down there. She wouldn't wish that fate on her worst enemy, not even Trevor McCauley who had bullied young Kevin for three weeks before the rest of the Shepard siblings had found out and enacted their revenge.

Smiling at memories of violence, that wasn't a good sign. Nikki needed to focus. She needed to get inside that hospital. Well ok, getting in **could** be easy, as easy as walking up to the gate in fact. It was getting out again that would be the tricky part and she had no intention of approaching until she had a plan. She needed one soon though, her mother's health was deteriorating fast.

The first few days she had scouted out more remote locations; farms and lodges, cabins in the wood, she had managed to acquire enough food to last them a month and a variety of pain killers. Her mother's condition was rare however and treatments rarer still. Nikki couldn't even pronounce the names of the drugs she needed, but she'd seen the labels often enough to recognise them when she saw them.

She could picture them right now on her mother's bedside cabinet and cursed herself for not picking them up while they were in the house. _They had just been in the next room!_ Of course her guilty memory conveniently ignored the part where both the room in question and the corridor leading to it had been on fire.

The sound of gunshots startled her from her daydream. It had been a common enough sound at the beginning of the raid but had mostly petered out as the local resistance fell and everyone was either captured or killed. The batarians certainly didn't bother shooting slaves in mercy killings, Nikki didn't know if they actually took pleasure in their victims suffering or if they simply didn't care one way or the other. Either way, after nearly dying out completely for awhile, gunfire had started becoming more common again in the last few days. She didn't know why and wasn't entirely certain if she cared. Hopefully it could be useful though.

She peered back out the window, searching for any openings, any newly exposed gaps or weaknesses she could exploit while the batarians were distracted... Nothing. If anything the batarian defensive position had been strengthened in response to the disturbance.

A noise behind her had her turning in panic, she saw the assault rifle swinging through the door towards her, the armoured body holding it and the inhuman face, her finger tightened reflexively on the trigger and a shotgun blast blew the figure off its feet. A distant part of her brain was aware of a faint flicker as a shield took the brunt of the damage, but before she could finish her attacker off return fire erupted from the doorway, forcing her to roll away.

"Cease fire!" The body on the ground called out. "Cease fire damn it, it's just a kid." The shooting stopped almost immediately but Nikki didn't relax just yet, her heart pumping fit to burst as adrenaline coursed through her veins. Her floored adversary raised a gauntlet to his face and a helmet was removed, revealing just a single pair of brown eyes staring out at her from a human face. She nearly dropped the shotgun in surprise but her survivalist instincts managed to keep hold of it while her brain struggled to process the sudden turn of events.

"It's ok kid, we're Alliance. Everything's going to be fine." The man's words helped calm her even as part of her brain called him a liar, _how could anything be fine after all that had happened?_ He sat up slowly, taking care not to spook her. "I'm Lieutenant Zabaleta, what's your name kid?"

"Shepard." She lowered her weapon but raised it straight back up when another figure entered the room.

"Damn it Higgins, take your helmet off." The soldier obeyed and Nikki slumped to the floor, back against the wall, body shaking as the events of the past two weeks finally caught up to her. She could make out murmured orders in the background as marines searched the rest of the building and Zabaleta started speaking again. "Hey Shepard? Is it ok if we use your house as a base for a bit?"

"Not my house." She tensed as the lieutenant and another man drew closer and they stopped, hands raised placatingly.

"Easy Shepard, we're not going to hurt you. We need to check if you're injured, is it ok if doc scans you?"

"Doc?" Her forehead crinkled up in thought, "No I'm fine." She suddenly leapt to her feet, startling the soldiers. "Doctor! You've got to help my mom!" The medic and Lieutenant Zabaleta shared a look, glancing between the teenager and the sight of the hospital courtyard turned slave pens that was visible outside the window she'd been at when they entered, drawing the obvious conclusion.

"Shepard," the medic crouched down to her level, voice automatically switching to the special bedside manner reserved for bad news. "We can't go rushing in and mount a rescue, the batarians will blow up the cages if they think they're going to lose. We'll try and save her but I can't promise anything, we have to take things slowly, plan to precision."

The lieutenant had turned away while 'Doc' McCoy spoke. There was no way he could have known about the bombs at the first slave camp they'd assaulted, but it still weighed heavy on his conscious. Knowing or not, his orders had resulted in the deaths of at least 60 colonists. The rest of the campaign, having to watch the batarians carry out their barbaric torture and load slave ships under their very noses, impotent to help while they tried to visually locate every bomb and every detonator, plan every second of any attempted rescue and ultimately failing again and again... He wasn't sure which was worse.

One thing was for sure, he doubted he'd ever forget what happened here. The medic had finished speaking but there was no comeback from the kid. He'd expected an angry outburst, insistence that they do their job or blame for failing, that had been the common theme among the all too few that they'd managed to save further south. The silence was deafening forcing him to turn back round. There was only confusion on the kid's face and then suddenly it was as if she was visibly hit with realisation.

"Oh no, she's not in _**there**_! Up the woods. She needs help, she's ill." It sounded like a trap, an ambush. Get a distraught child, split the enemy's forces, lead them to a secluded place and hit them while their guard's down.

He eyed Shepard carefully. He couldn't see any head wounds, any sign the batarians had already caught her and implanted her with a control chip but that didn't guarantee anything. They might have a family member hostage, promising the child they'll be safe if she cooperates. Or she might not even be from Mindoir, she could have been taken years ago in an earlier raid, brain washed into believing her master's cause and willing to do whatever they asked of her. He had no way of knowing for sure and it didn't really matter, whatever he did was likely to come back and bite him on the ass but he was a firm believer in the mantra 'better to regret what you did than what you didn't do'. If there was even a slight chance of Shepard telling the truth then he couldn't just leave another civillian to die. He couldn't save everyone, but someone, anyone... He needed that right now. It was worth the risk.

"Ok McCoy, take two marines and go check it out. Make sure you stay in radio contact."

...

Hannah's breathing was laboured, specks of blood hit the floor when she coughed, floating in and out of cognitive thought. At first she hadn't been certain if the fog in her brain was caused by her condition or a side effect of the pain meds Nicola had found, but every now and again she'd find her mind sharp without the accompanying agony and knew her condition had deteriorated past the point of no return.

She had done plenty of research with Thomas when she was first diagnosed. It had been scary reading and she had made him promise; if she ever reached this stage and asked for it, he would allow her the dignity of death. If her husband was here she may well have chosen that route by now but he wasn't. It was just her and Nikki. Her daughter would struggle enough when she succumbed as it was, there was no way she would add to her burden by asking that of her.

 _Speak of the devil,_ she thought as she saw the teenager reenter the cave, eyes roaming for danger even here. Hannah stiffened as two more figures entered behind, relaxing almost immediately as she recognised the Alliance armour. One of them stopped, turning to guard the tunnel while the other followed her daughter who really was bounding over this time.

"Mom, I found a doctor!"

"Technically I'm just a field medic, but I should be able to help." The man smiled, omni-tool brightening to life on his wrist as he tapped a few buttons. "James McCoy, is it alright if I take some scans ma'am?" She nodded her consent while pushing an empty cup forward.

"Nikki, can you get me some more water please?" The happiness vanished from Nicola's face replaced by a frown as she picked up the cup. Carefully, but with enough force to make her point, she placed another of the 'within easy reaching distance' full mugs in its place before rising and heading to the river. Hannah watched her go with a sad smile.

"Good kid you've got there." James observed as he started the scan but a hand on his wrist attempted to stall his movement.

"It's terminal, don't waste your time." He glanced down at his patient but her attention was still fixed on the girl at the river, his omni-tool was continuing to feed him information and it was a wonder the woman had survived this long. "How are things out there? Is it over? Will Nikki be safe?"

"It's nearly over but not quite. She'll be safe I promise."

"Good, good. Then I have one last favour to ask. I understand if you can't..."

...

" **No! That wasn't the deal!** " Nikki raged, pain and betrayal burned in her eyes, mixing with the imminent grief.

"In future get a signed contract." Her mother advised weakly. Her heart wasn't really in it but it was the kind of thing Thomas would have said. Besides it **was** good advice for later life and it was her last chance to give her daughter any of that. "Always keep a copy and always read the small print."

"But we made it. We can get your meds now. You can get better." She was pleading now, desperation clear in her voice. Hannah wondered if she was being selfish, but her mind was set now, dragging things out wouldn't make it any better for either of them. Yes this would hurt Nikki, but that would still happen no matter when she stopped breathing.

"I'm sorry Nick but it's too late. I can't get better anymore, I've gotten too ill, been off the drugs for too long." She saw the change in her daughter's eyes and quickly headed it off. "Oh no, don't you **dare** think like that! This wasn't your fault Nikki, none of it. You were brilliant. Whatever you decide to do with your life, you're going to be amazing. I'm proud of you Nick, don't ever forget that."

"There's no other way?"

"No, it's a matter of days now anyway. Only difference is longer pain." Nicola nodded reluctantly, eyes glistening with the first pricks of tears. She clutched her mother's proffered hand so tight it hurt but Hannah wasn't about to tell her to stop, instead she merely signaled she was ready to the Alliance medic and he stepped forward with a full syringe.

...

 **Author's note** : Phew, that was one hard chapter to write, hopefully I've done it justice and not ended up with something cheesy or over the top, or you know... plain old crap. A number of times I nearly cancelled this chapter and just jumped straight to the next one, but I didn't want you mistakenly thinking Hannah was still alive.

The story most certainly doesn't end here, in fact if you told me when I posted the first chapter that it would take me 12 chapters to get off Mindoir I would never have believed you, it was only supposed to be a small introductory background on the characters. I hope you're all still enjoying this and I promise the next couple of chapters won't be as dark. (I haven't actually written the next one yet, but it won't be as dark).


	13. Five Years Later

**Earth - Five years later**

Trish was carefully weighing up her options. It had been 10 months since she graduated from university and more than a few since she was offered a full time position at the tech company she had done her internship at. At some point she'd have to take her mother's advice and give serious thought to which country or planet she wanted to settle down in and what company she wanted a career with, but tonight she was interested in much more mundane things.

Her attention, along with about three-quarters of the bar, was caught by the lady in a red dress making her way down the stairs. It was a very nice dress to be sure, but the woman inside wasn't to her preferred tastes so she let her eyes drift on, taking in the contents of a rather nice and rather tight pair of jeans.

The bar was heaving with people, military and civilians alike, and even out of uniform she could mostly tell them apart. It wasn't long before a clamoring racket had Trish glancing over to find two marines chugging from yard glasses as their comrades cheered the men on. There had undoubtedly been bets on the result if the cries of dismay were anything to go by, although it didn't seem to make much difference as they all picked up shots from a tray in the centre of the table, downing them with gusto. There were more than a few good looking people in that crowd but if their clothing was any indicator then they'd left the barracks with other intentions than trying to pull tonight.

...

Trish was crossing the dance floor on the way to the bar when she was caught by a passerby who decided to skip the usual pleasantries and attempted to start grinding with her. She was enraged and repulsed but sadly not entirely shocked. She attempted to get away, politely at first, in this day and age _sometimes_ that was enough. Of course this time, like a lot of the time, it didn't work and she had to shove them away. When they came right back she was forced to employ a slap but that just seemed to spur the drunk on rather than deter them. _Great one of those._ A lot of other women would start panicking about now but Trish had one final, surefire trick up her sleeve, quite literally in this case. She just needed to reach her omni-tool and...

"You know, I could be wrong, but I don't think she's interested." A voice interrupted, followed by a solitary pair of well toned arms pushing distance between her and the 'dancer'.

"Oh, what makes you think that?" Came the malevolent reply.

"You mean aside from body language, the dagger glare and the slap?" The voice was strange, somehow it managed to sound carefree and lighthearted, potentially amused even, and yet it _**still**_ contained an undercurrent of warning. Unfortunately the warning seemed to go right over the intended target's head, her savior clearly noticed too, suddenly switching tactics, her voice lowering dangerously. "Aside from **all** that, there's the fact she's with me."

Trish suppressed a groan, this particular white knight routine had been in existence for decades, centuries even, although bizarrely it often worked. Right now it was 50/50 whether her knight was a genuinely good person or someone who saw the situation and decided to turn it to their advantage, hoping for a 'reward' from a grateful damsel. Either way, it was rare to sell the act without at least a kiss.

Trish tried to prepare herself mentally, it was important not to show surprise or disgust when the stranger kissed or the game would be up. She could deal with the knight once they were away from the creep. The truth however was that she **was** surprised, no matter how well she hid it, when instead of a kiss the other woman simply took her hand, intertwining their fingers "Come on dear, let's go."

Hand holding had to be the least invasive thing the woman could have done, and yet in a world of easy, care-free sex it was possibly the most intimate action Trish could think of. Sure, sex with strangers would involve roaming hands everywhere, but holding hands was something restricted to people you had actual affection for, it was a strange, twisted thought that threw her through a loop and she hadn't even seen her knight's face yet. She could feel slight calluses on the hand as she was led away though, a sure sign of someone who worked with their hands, or possibly fired guns.

"Sorry about that." The _I'm 98% sure she's some kind of military_ woman said as she let go of her hand and Trish's suddenly felt cold and empty without the contact. "I've never understood why but some people seem to think being with someone else is the only **possible** reason anyone could turn them down... And yet most the time the people thinking that are the ones you couldn't imagine _**anyone**_ sane wanting to be with..." She shook her head as if it was one of the greatest mysteries of the universe and Trish would have laughed if she didn't have a very important point to make.

"Thanks but it was under control. I didn't actually need rescuing." The _probably a_ _soldier_ looked over at her appraisingly, gifting her with the first sight of her face and suddenly Trish decided she wouldn't have minded terribly if she **had** been kissed. While the media had a fascination with blue or green eyes preferably combined with blonde or red hair, she'd always had a weakness for brown eyes and this pair were staring out of a very attractive face.

"I didn't say you did, but at least this way they wake up in the morning and have to go to work with a raging hangover like the rest of us. Not take it easy in some hospital bed all week." This time Trish did laugh.

"That's your idea of justice?" The raven haired beauty was saved from having to answer by the barmaid asking for their order. Trish jumped slightly at the intrusion and silently chastised herself, she'd been so caught up in the other woman's presence that she hadn't even noticed they'd made it to the bar.

"Twelve shots of tequila, five lagers, three bitters, two apple ciders, one pear cider, a G&T, stick something on your own tab for when your shift's finished and..." The woman looked at her eyebrow raised inquiringly, Trish didn't need asking twice.

"SoCo and lemonade."

"... a SoCo and lemonade." She repeated. There was a slightly awkward silence as they waited for the drinks. Trish desperately scanning her brain for something to say but coming up empty. In the end her mouth decided to come up with something itself, never a good sign, and her ears strained to inform the brain what disaster they'd just fallen in.

"I take it you're not driving tonight then." _Idiot, thanks mouth._ For a moment the woman looked at her as if she'd grown a second head before releasing a chuckle.

"It's not **all** for me." She clarified the obvious. "Pretty sure they'd kick me out the corps if I downed that much solo... Mind you, I'd be a barracks legend for generations!" She said the last part as if it would almost be worth losing her job for. _Called it, military. Yeah thanks, wasn't exactly hard to work that one out brain._

"For the record though: no, I'm not driving." They were moving again, the soldier now carrying a very large tray of drinks. They stopped at a small, empty table, the SoCo removed from the tray and placed in front of her. To her surprise the mystery lady than opened her hand, offering her a choice of several still individually wrapped twirlers from the bar. It was a testament to how far technology had come (and at the same time how much society remained the same) that the small sticks that changed colour if drugs were detected in a drink were available en masse and completely free in so many bars.

Normally Trish would pick a couple up herself whenever she got a drink and she found it disconcerting that she'd been too distracted to do so. The soldier before her was either insanely thoughtful and considerate, or engaged in some kind of double bluff. She looked at the selection of twirlers before her, it was always possible one of them could be fake, there were psychological tricks to get a person to pick the item you wanted from a selection of seemingly identical objects and Trish couldn't for the life of her remember what they were. She took the whole selection, rolling them in her hand, throwing them haphazardly onto the table and picking one at random, opening it up and sticking it in her drink.

"Well, I hope the rest of your night goes better." The stranger picked the tray back up, turning to leave, completely throwing Trish through a loop for a second time. Sure, not every hot lady on Earth was gay and even those who were were allowed to have different tastes and standards. But she'd been sure she'd caught this one checking her out at least once, even if she had been relatively discreet about it.

"Wait, what! That's it? You save a woman from a creep, buy her a drink and then just walk away? Most people would consider that a very good start." The woman turned back towards her with a surprisingly shy smile.

"Well... you've already had one bad experience for the night, figured I best quit while I was ahead." Trish snorted.

"Quit while you're ahead?... Better not let your CO hear you talking like that soldier! Besides, I expect you're a much better dance partner than grinder creep."

"Actually I don't dance. At all. In any way."

"Never?"

"Never. **Can't** dance in fact."

"Really? Is my next line supposed to be I'll teach you? Very smooth." Confusion swam in those chocolatey eyes a moment before they lightened as she laughed.

"Wow, I did not think of that one. I think you vastly over estimate my flirting skills."

"Oh? Are you going to tell me you can't flirt next?" Before the soldier could respond an overly muscled and heavily tattooed arm came down between them.

" **Shepard!** What happened? You're supposed to be getting the drinks." _Shepard... No, surely not_. She took a closer look at the woman opposite, past the short cropped hair and the slightly paler skin, properly looked at the shape of her nose and curve of her lips. She had aged certainly, was more world-weary perhaps, eyes looking older than their _what must she be now twenty? twenty-one?_ years, but there was no mistake. How had she not noticed? _Well probably cos I thought she was dead!_ As the man departed with the squad's drink tray Shepard turned her attention back on her.

"Nikki?" The soldier gave the slightest nod of agreement as her eyes narrowed in bewilderment before jumping wide open with realisation.

"Holy... Trish!?" A large smile covered the marine's face as she shook her head in disbelief, index finger on her right hand rubbing over her left eyebrow in what Trisha remembered used to be an unconscious sign of embarrassment in her former girlfriend. "Wow... I am **so** sorry... I can't believe I didn't recognise you." There was a beat where they just stared at each other, drinking in the familiarities and slight differences of time before Nikki came back with: "I blame your new hair style."

" **My** hair! What about your hair? What happened to it?" Without any thought Trish reached forward brushing her fingers through the short hair. It had been at least three, probably four, times longer last time she saw Nikki.

"It got cut." There was that trademark Shepard smirk and for a moment it was like they'd never been apart. For the third time that evening they were rudely interrupted, this time the sounds of smashing glass breaking their reverie. Trish suddenly noticed her hand was still on the back of the youngster's neck and moved away. Five years was a long time. She'd had multiple relationships since then, no doubt Nikki had the same, perhaps even with more success. Besides, even if her ex was single... people changed and feelings faded, she couldn't expect to just pick things up where they left off. She searched for a safe topic.

"So, uh... the marines. Never figured you'd join the Alliance."

"Yeah... Me neither... Family farm didn't have the same appeal without the family." Her eyes went distant and haunted, a sad edge creeping into her voice and Trish cursed herself. The melancholy didn't last long however, it was almost as if Shepard wrapped it all up in a blanket and threw it out the window.

"Got in as a mechanic actually. All those Earth street runaways and bored colonials in search of excitement just want the combat roles, leaves the Alliance screaming out for skilled craftsmen."

"So does that mean you don't actually have to be in the middle of the fighting then?" Trish asked.

"Ha, no, they've still got that lovely 'Every marine's a rifleman' slogan. **Especially** when the grunts break their IFVs in the middle of battle and need a recovery vehicle to tow them out. What about you though? Last I saw of you, you thought writing complex software code was a hobby."

"Yeah... turned that hobby into a degree, then a job. Still not sure how."

"You're brainy Trish. Always were." Their conversation drifted then, covering all sorts of topics and it seemed like no time at all until the call went out for last orders and they had to leave, waiting outside for the taxi rank to refill after the sudden mass exodus.

"So, uhh... It was real nice seeing you again Trish." Just like that the brash, confident marine was gone, replaced with the nervous teen she remembered so well from her youth.

"Same. You want to meet up again some time? Grab some food or a drink or, I don't know, something?"

"Yeah. I'd like that."

"You free Saturday?" All of a sudden Nikki's face dropped.

"Shit, I can't. Sorry Trish, I... FUCK! We're shipping out tomorrow... or, well, later today now I suppose. This was the farewell piss-up. Here's to three or four weeks tee-totalism until someone gets a distillery set up onboard." She raised her hand in an imaginary toast. "I... Sorry." Trish felt her heart sink. To find Nikki alive and well after all these years only to lose her again the very same night... She did NOT appreciate fate's sense of humour. No. Of all the bars in all the galaxy, the odds of running into each other like this had to be pretty slim, no way was she going to miss her chance.

"Well... How about when you get back? Do you have an email or anything? We could keep in touch."

"Yeah. I'd like that." She repeated and it was hard to tell what shone brighter, Nikki's smile or her omni-tool as she brought it up to forward Trish the details, just as a cab pulled up to separate them once more.

...

A lot of the crew seemed to be suffering from lingering hangovers Shepard noticed as she stowed away her gear in her newly assigned locker. Her own head surprisingly hadn't been too bad, probably as a result of all the talking interfering with what should have been prime drinking time. Her jaw on the other hand ached with a burn she was more accustomed to on her arms or legs after a heavy workout, she couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed and smiled so much in a single night. A notification rung out on her omni-tool and she glanced down to read it.

[Hey, so I had the weirdest dream last night. Turns out you're alive and joined the army. How crazy is that!? - Trish Stewart]

[That is **so** weird. How does your brain even come up with such insane ideas? I mean really, army? I'm Marine corps, Oorah! :) - Nikki 'Not a zombie honest' Shepard]

...

 **Author's note:** There we go, a whole chapter without any death and destruction. You didn't even have to wait 5 years for the reunion like the characters. Good news is I not only have plenty of ideas for the next section of the story but several chapters with first drafts or at least half written so we _should_ be good for weekly updates for this story for a while. I would also like to apologise to eurodox59, I just realised the last review I got from you was about how every new chapter put a smile on your face and then I churned out the three darkest, miserable, heavy chapters of the story so far back to back, it wasn't deliberate I swear. Rest assured that while Shepard is destined for great tragedy in her future, the next few chapters are all light.


	14. Chapter 14

Lance Corporal Shepard was cursing up a storm as she led on a creeper board underneath the M29 Infantry Fighting Vehicle. Just how anybody had managed to damage a Grizzly this bad without even engaging in hostile action was beyond her comprehension.

A message alert on her omni-tool had her rolling her way out and carefully standing back up. She fully expected it to be either new orders, someone requesting an update on the Grizzly or, possibly as an outside chance, one of her comrades asking if she was up for whatever activity they had planned for the evening. She was therefore surprised to find it was in fact from Trish; after years of not knowing anyone outside the service she was still somewhat amazed at the concept of civilian contact. She looked around the cargo bay for officers to make sure she wouldn't get in trouble before settling on a nearby crate to open the message.

[Just finished work. How's your day been?]

[Ongoing] Nikki took another quick glance around then leant down and snapped a picture of the damaged chassis, sending it to Trish with the query: [You still got that book I got you for your birthday?]

There was a pause but considering the message had to join the nearest comm buoy, zip through two star systems, get read and repeat the return journey she was fairly certain Trish had replied instantly upon receiving it. Shepard's smile at that thought faded into a grimace when she actually read the reply.

[Have you tried omni-gel?]

[Do NOT talk to me about omni-gel! I spent 4 hours clearing off the stuff those idiots on the ground put on. It's only supposed to be a temporary fix to keep things functioning until you're out of danger, putting omni-gel on top of omni-gel on top of omni-gel on top a major problem won't actually mend it!]

[Touchy subject? Well I'm afraid I'm all out of ideas, the only other thing I know that works is to stand around looking helpless until a beautiful woman shows up to fix it :) ] Shepard laughed.

[Don't think that's gonna work, all the other mechanics on this ship are ugly ass men.]

[Ugly? Terrible. Can't they court martial people for that? Damaging the good reputation of the Alliance for being full of fit people or something? It's strange though, I'm sure I heard something about a hot mechanic on your ship. What was her name... Nadia... No, Vicki... What was it?]

[Don't think I've seen any Vicki's about. She can't be that impressive if you can't remember her name. Your plan doesn't seem to be working by the way, looks like I'm going to have to be my own heroine and fix it myself. I gotta get back to work but thanks for making me laugh.]

[Anytime. Good luck]

...

It was late when Shepard's shift ended. She heated up an MRE and found a table in the mess before opening up the latest message.

[Well today sucked. Tell me about your day so I can remember how much more awesome my job is than yours.] As was becoming so common lately, Nikki felt her mouth turn upwards into a smile at the email. Taking her omni-tool off her wrist, she balanced it carefully on the table so she could type and eat at the same time.

[Sorry for the late reply Trish, been stuck on door duty all day. 8 hours of standing around doing nothing but saluting officers when they walk by. I swear one of the Lieutenants just constantly does loops round the ship to piss us all off. So what happened? Or is it covered by one of those corporate non-disclosure contract thingys? I swear your employer is more secretive than mine!]

...

[Hey Trish, just to let you know as of tomorrow we're going to be out of range of regular comm buoys. Might take a couple of days to get any messages and another couple days for replies to get back to you. Not that you have to message me or anything, you're not under contract, just that if you do then don't think I'm ignoring you if you don't hear back for a while.]

[Woo-hoo! Peace and quiet at last. I'll finally be able to watch TV at night without being interrupted by your messages all the time :) Thanks for the warning. I know you can't tell me where you are but I'm not stupid, 'out of buoy range' means either outside council space or at the very least away from major shipping routes. Be careful alright, don't do anything stupid.]

[Dammit! There goes my plan to have all the craftsmen hijack the ship, launch a tank out the cargo doors and play giant space ping-pong with the guys on the Berlin.]

[I want video.]

...

[Ouch, time stamp on your message is 3 weeks ago. Sorry for the delay, only just got it, I was planetside with a convoy of M29s. Ship had to leave orbit to deal with something in the next system so we lost our fast-boost-link to the comm network. Hopefully you've sorted it now but if that guy's still being a dick you should consider sabotaging his pride and joy. You said it was a '64 Solexa right? If you replace the G34 clips with a B23-12 it will still work perfectly safely but it'll make a horrible high pitch noise when ever he goes above 50. Should stop him speeding til it gets fixed and the two parts look so similar that it won't be picked up on a basic servicing.]

[Wow long time no see. Glad you're still OK. It's all been sorted, couple of co-workers got involved but I'll keep your advice in mind if it happens again. Do I **want** to know how you know that? And what the hell are _**you**_ doing planetside? I thought I told you not to throw vehicles out the cargo bay door :) ]

[Umm no, I believe your words were 'I want video'. So here you go - **[Error... File size exceeds data allowance...]** Sorry, joking. Nothing that fun :) Alliance survey teams on an uncharted world get a marine escort just in case and a token mechanic to keep all vehicles maintained. Which of course meant I was **far** more busy than the infantry grunts.]

...

[So... It looks like I'm going to have to go apartment hunting in San Francisco...]

[You got the job? That's amazing! See, I told you you had nothing to worry about in the interview. So proud of you. So, uh... these omni-tools you're going to be working on... civilian or military lines?]

[Ha, sorry Nikki, Aldrin Labs non-disclosure agreements are even tighter than at my last job, no way I can tell you what I'm working on. However on a completely different subject and entirely hypothetically, as a soldier what **would** you like to see improved on your omni-tool?]

[Haha, hypothetically ay? Pretty sure every MOS is gonna have a different answer to that question. Front line troops probably want better shielding but I mostly use my omni-tool in the workshop, biggest thing for me would be better processing capabilities. Wait... Am I doing your job for you? Do I get paid for this? :) ]

...

[It's official, we've finally changed course and are heading back to Earth. Just a few months left on this tour.]


	15. Return to Port

Shepard stepped out of the airlock and took her first steps back on planet Earth. Striding purposefully through the crowded dock, her sole duffel bag of possessions slung over one shoulder, she tried to ignore the family reunions of her compatriots going on all around her.

It was always strange returning after a tour of duty and suddenly finding out you'd spent months working and living in close proximity to people with names like Brian, Chloe and Amir. She planned on dumping her kit at the nearest barracks and heading into town for a drink but those plans quickly changed when she heard a shout as she neared the exit.

"Nikki!" She twisted her head round in surprise at the familiar voice and saw the brilliant smile framed by golden brown hair walking towards her.

"Trish, what are you doing here?" Her quizzical expression morphed into her signature grin as she queried: "This **is** Vancouver right? The pilot didn't drop us off in the wrong city?"

"No it's Vancouver alright. It's also a bank holiday weekend so I thought I'd make the most of the extra couple of days off work and welcome you back. Unless you've got something else to do of course?"

"Of course I've got things to do." Trish hid her disappointment well but the soldier still caught it, holding back her smirk as she continued: "At 0600 on the 17th I've got roll call and... Nope, think that's it for plans actually."

"The 17th?" The brunette looked at her in disbelief, "that's two weeks away. You've got no plans for two weeks?" The raven haired marine shook her head with a grin.

"Not unless you want to go grab a coffee?"

...

"Where'd you get that?" Trish asked curiously as Shepard returned to their table carrying the drinks. Nikki followed the pointing finger to the new insignia on her sleeve and deadpanned:

"Quarter Master gave it to me." Trish bit back a sigh, in retrospect it hadn't been the best wording for the question.

"Very funny _Corporal_ , don't get literal with me, you know that's not what I meant. You never mentioned getting a promotion."

"Sorry, it was pretty hectic at the time and by the time everything got back to normal I forgot."

"Forgot you were promoted?"

"No forgot to tell you, it was just after I got that commendation." Trish raised an eyebrow.

"That commendation which you _**also**_ forgot to mention?" Nicola was looking sheepish now, hand rubbing the back of her neck.

"It was nothing. I didn't want to worry you."

"If it was something you thought might worry me then it couldn't have been nothing Nikki. Come on I know you're safe now, so unless it's classified you can spill."

"Fine, but they blew it completely out of proportion." With a resigned sigh she activated her omni-tool searching for the relevant file before offering it out for Trish, the civilian's eyes widening as she read:

To L/Cpl Nicola Shepard

FOR HEROIC ACHIEVEMENT WHILE SERVING AS MECHANIC WITH NO. 2 SQUADRON, 3rd BATTALION, 108th MARINES. WHILE ON PATROL, THE CONVOY CAME UNDER FIRE FROM ENEMY FORCES AND THE LEAD M29 WAS IMMOBILISED. WHILE THE REST OF THE CONVOY CONTINUED ON IN AN ATTEMPT TO ENGAGE THE ENEMY FROM A MORE ADVANTAGEOUS POSITION, L/CPL SHEPARD VOLUNTEERED TO STAY BEHIND AND FIX THE VEHICLE. UNDER HEAVY FIRE THROUGHOUT, SHE SUCCEEDED IN HER EFFORTS ALLOWING THE M29 CREW TO EVACUATE. BY HER UNSWERVING DETERMINATION AND COMPLETE DEDICATION TO DUTY, L/CPL SHEPARD REFLECTED GREAT CREDIT UPON HERSELF AND UPHELD THE HIGHEST TRADITIONS OF THE SYSTEMS ALLIANCE MARINE CORPS.

"Wow... That's nothing is it?"

"I was just doing my job."

"Uh-huh. Tell me, were you in the vehicle that got hit?"

"No."

"So you got out of a perfectly functioning vehicle that was heading **away** from the kill zone-"

"Well yeah but-"

"And people were shooting at you?"

"I mean, _technically_ I suppose so, but I had a tank between me and them. Most the shots hit the Grizzly. And I wasn't the only one in danger, only the main gunners stayed in the vehicle, the rest of the crew were outside providing cover fire with their rifles. They didn't get any recognition." Trish shook her head with a smile, a familiar but long forgotten pull sparking inside her. It wasn't the 'you're gorgeous' feeling that she'd already experienced at the docks earlier that day, but rather the 'you're amazing' feeling she used to get back on Mindoir. She reached across the table and squeezed the other woman's hand.

"Face it Nick, you went 'Above and Beyond'. You don't have to be embarrassed that someone recognised that."

"Ah come on! I've got two weeks off, let's talk about something else. How long are you in Vancouver? Where are you staying? Normal people talk."

"I fly back Monday evening. I'm staying at my Uncle's place while he's out the country and I'm not convinced you have **any** idea what counts as 'normal people talk' anymore."

"The weather? I don't know."

"The weather?" Trish chuckled. "That's a short conversation. It's Vancouver. It's cold. End of."

"Finally! Thank you! Do they play spot the Mindoirian with you too? Everywhere I go it's 'come on Shepard, it's summer.' No, no it's not. It's barely autumn. I'm pretty sure I remember **winters** that were warmer than this back home."

"Why do you think I chose the San Francisco office and not New York. Have you suffered an Earth winter yet?" Nikki mock shuddered in response to her question.

"Ugh, ice is supposed to be in refrigerators NOT the ground. Oh and while we're on the subject, hockey is supposed to be played on **grass**!"

"Careful Nick, I'm pretty sure insulting hockey's a treasonable offense in these parts."

"Hey I'm not insulting hockey. Hockey's a great sport, I love hockey! I just don't believe it should be played on ice."

"Why do I get the feeling there's a story behind this bizarre display of prejudice?" Trish asked and there was suddenly a very suspicious silence. "Ohoo, there is isn't there? Come on, it's no use looking like that! You forget how well I know you Nikki." The marine shifted awkwardly in her chair, arms crossing defensively across her chest, as she attempted to stare her ex down. There could only be one winner however and her head dropped fractionally as her hand rose up to rub an eyebrow.

"Let's just say that when I enlisted they asked if I'd ever played any sports at a competitive level... and when I said boxing and hockey nobody bothered asking the poor colonial rube, from a planet where all ice is manmade, which version she meant. Or any other basic questions like: 'have you ever actually worn skates before?'" Trish burst out in laughter.

"Please tell me there's video?"

"Bloody hell, I hope not!"

"Want me to check the extranet for you just in case?" She waved her omni-tool teasingly.

"I want you to change the subject..." Nikki grouched, before deciding to do it herself. "So, what are we doing tomorrow anyway? Surely you didn't come all the way up here for the weekend without at least a rough plan? A marine might get the wrong idea otherwise." As soon as she said it the younger woman glanced away blushing, suddenly fascinated by the pot of sugar sachets on the table. The insinuation was rather tame compared to some of the bawdy conversations she'd had with her comrades over the years, but they hadn't been with civilians and **certainly** not with her childhood sweetheart. Both women were immediately aware of the large, 'elephant in the room' sized topic that had somehow avoided being mentioned in their months of long distance communication. Each thinking: _Surely she would have mentioned by now if there was a significant other in her life... wouldn't she?_ Trish decided it was time to roll the dice once and for all.

"Or the **right** idea. You never know, if you play your cards right..." Shepard looked back up with a hesitant smile, a single rub of her eyebrow belying the relaxed, controlled voice as her face morphed into a cocky grin.

"Hmm, well I have got pretty good at Skyllian Five... or are you thinking more Happy Families?"

" **Nikki!** " Trish slapped her arm but there was a smirk on her face, she hadn't been shocked at the comment so much as the idea of it coming from the adorably awkward and hopeless Mindoirian she'd known all those years ago. She paused a beat, watching the marine closely as she retorted, "Go fish."


	16. Chapter 16

"So... if you've not got any plans until the 17th, do you want to come back to San Francisco on Monday with me?" They had been wandering aimlessly, arm in arm, simply catching up and basking in each other's presence but her words brought the soldier to a halt. Trish briefly wondered if she was coming on too strong, taking things too fast, but then they didn't exactly have a lot of time in which to take things slow. Besides it wasn't as if she was inviting a complete stranger home, "I mean, I've still got to go work during the day, I understand if you don't want to, especially since you'd be alone in a strange city all day but you could, I don't know... be touristy..."

"Be touristy?" Nikki chuckled and Trish just knew she was in for some teasing now. She didn't terribly mind though, there was something about the subtle shift in body language and a general vibe in the air that made her believe she knew what the end answer was going to be, she just hoped she was right. "I can't remember the last time I had fun going somewhere just to 'be touristy'. Really not your best argument there."

"Hmm, well... it's also warmer than Vancouver." Trish stepped closer, eyes cast down as she fiddled with the collar on the marine's uniform. She wasn't used to being nervous or uncertain in these situations, usually she practically radiated confidence and certainty, but she found herself desperately hoping she didn't do anything to mess this up. A finger under her chin lifted her head up so she could look into teasing eyes, a half hidden smile still visible on the soldier's face.

"Now **that** is a much stronger argument. I'm starting to consider it."

"And I do get a couple days off. Plus the evenings would be free..." She trailed off as Nikki closed the remaining gap between them, resting her forehead against her own.

"OK, you talked me into it." The kiss started off tender but it soon heated up, a neediness overcoming them as they rekindled the embers of a flame that had never truly been extinguished. Eventually they had to pause for air but the break was short lived, lips crashing together once more as if their continued existence depended upon it. Shepard was unsure which of them let loose the soft moan but it helped bring her attention back and she pulled away gently.

"Trish... We should stop this while we still can."

"Maybe I don't want to stop." She was light headed but just about aware enough to catch the small smile on the marine's face.

"Me neither, **but** call me boring... I don't feel like spending my leave in jail for indecent exposure." Trish slowly came back down to earth, becoming aware of their surroundings once more, the old couple sat on a park bench watching them with knowing smiles, the teenage boy looking at them wide eyed and practically drooling. She took a reluctant step back.

"Maybe you're right... To be continued?" Nikki's response was to throw an arm round her shoulders with a laugh as she dragged her back into a walk.

"Oh yeah. **Definitely** to be continued."

...

"Shit!" It was the sight of the uniform that did it. When she heard the front door of the apartment opening her first instinct, after the almost compulsory expletive, had been to grab something to cover Trish up with. A noble gesture which would have been much easier to accomplish if they'd been on a bed instead of the couch. As the newcomer entered the living room a flash of blue and gold caught Shepard's attention, years of training automatically taking over and causing her to instinctively leap to her feet, snapping to attention before her brain could even attempt to process the situation. As the marine stood ramrod straight and completely naked apart from her dogtags in front of an Alliance Admiral, she couldn't help but think that this particular deeply engrained drill was the complete **opposite** of a lifesaving reflex.

"Uncle..." Nikki didn't dare glance back to see if Trish had managed to cover up yet, a mantra of swear words sweeping silently through the inside of her head. A subtle clearing of the man's throat put paid to any hope of any further back up from that direction. She rather hoped the situation was as unexpected for him as it was her, she really didn't want to think what it meant about Trish's love life if it was a regular occurrence, he certainly hid his shock well though. The ever so slight break in composure hidden within a fraction of a second.

"Name?"

"Corporal Shepard, 108th Marine Corps, SIR!" She rolled out, reverting to the familiarity of protocol to navigate the choppy waters, not shifting her gaze from a spot on the wall directly ahead of her and several inches to the right of the officer. Then he stepped directly into her line of sight and she felt the blood in her veins freeze under his icy blue stare. _Oh, Fuck. You've got to be shitting me! Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!_

She'd known for years that Mrs Stewart's younger brother was in the Alliance, remembered hearing from Trish how her uncle had been promoted to Rear Admiral... but at **no** point did she ever recall **anyone** saying the relative in question was THE mother fucking 'Hatchet' Hackett, mustang of mustangs and legend of the First Contact War. _**Shit!**_

Shepard did the only thing she could in the situation: kept her face blank, eyes front and didn't move a muscle. The Admiral's gaze however was free to roam and he took in the discarded clothes on the floor, the leftover takeout and empty bottle of wine on the table, his eyes hardening as they finally focused back on the marine in front of him.

"I suggest you double time it out that door Corporal and never come near my niece again."

"Sir, no Sir!"

"Excuse me?" The voice oozed danger but Nikki didn't back down.

"Trish is a civilian Sir, fraternization regs don't apply. I'm aware you can still bust me a hundred different ways to Sunday and understand you being protective of family Sir, but with respect, it's not your decision to make. If Trish wants me out her life now or at any point in the future then I'm gone, but until that day I believe she's worth fighting for Sir."

The silence seemed to drag out for eternity as Hackett's eyes bored into her. He had been protective of the girl since her father died he would admit. Not **overly** protective as far as he was concerned, just... justifiably so. He'd run off more than a few hopefuls over the years; the powerful combination of his death stare and the violent scar across his face weeded out more than a few on their own. Some contenders would promise to leave his niece alone only to attempt to keep seeing her behind his back, those were the cowards he hated most. Others had voiced a similar opinion to the marine before him; that neither his position as Uncle or Admiral gave him a right to interfere in his niece's affairs, however it was the first time he could remember a prospective partner listing Patricia and not themselves as the person who's decision mattered.

"You've got balls Shepard, I'll give you that."

"I think we can all see that's not the case Sir." The perfect deadpan delivery was followed immediately by shocked widening of the eyes as Shepard realised what she had said and to whom. For the first time in the conversation Hackett caught a glimmer of pure panic break onto the woman's face, lasting the briefest of seconds before schooling it back into the perfect parade ground mask.

A smothered giggle audible from his niece drew his attention, fortunately she had managed to cover up all the areas he had no desire to see on a blood relative. He analysed her face and body language closely, she was far more relaxed than should be expected considering the situation, but still with an undercurrent of anxiety that, if he read her right, had more to do with concern over what he'd do next rather than embarrassment of being caught. Her eyes practically begged him not to mess this one up for her, but there was also something else in those blue orbs that he'd never seen reflected there with anyone else before. His eyes flicked back to the marine.

"If you ever hurt her..." He subjected the woman to his best death glare but she didn't even flinch.

"I'll be the subject of unimaginable and entirely justified retribution. Message received and understood Sir." He eyeballed her a little longer, searching for the slightest hint of deceit or maliciousness. Finding nothing he graced her with the slightest of nods.

"Dismissed Corporal." Shepard threw an immaculate salute, pivoting in a parade ground perfect about face and marching towards the door.

"Corporal!" She froze. "Put some clothes on before you leave my house."

...

 **Author's note:**

And now you know who gave Trish that omni-tool for her birthday! How many of you saw that one coming? I have a confession to make: the second part of this with Hackett was actually one of the first chapters I wrote when I started this story, in fact Trish's birthday chapter was specifically written as an explanation for why Hackett and Shepard hadn't already met. It's gone through several drafts, in the original Private Shepard discovered the infamous relative after reuniting with Trish in a bar following her passing out parade. However I decided I wanted more time to pass before they got back together even if it was unseen, that way they had more time to develop as people and get some more life experiences apart so that they can know what they have is special and not just falling back together because it's easy and familiar.

Anyway, I hope you're enjoying reading as much as I'm enjoying writing, I plan to keep this rated T but my understanding of the rating system is purely based on what I've read on here, not only did I grow up using a different rating system but we completely ignored the one we did have. I remember playing GTA (rated 18) at a friend's house when we were only 11 and film ratings only meant you couldn't watch it at the cinema and someone else had to buy the DVD for you. What I mean to say here is that I'm not entirely sure where the line is and if at any point anyone thinks the rating needs to be upgraded just let me know and I'll change it.

Oh and for those that don't know 'mustang' is a military term for an officer that started their career as an enlisted soldier, so by the time the games come round Shepard will be one too.


	17. Chapter 17

"Hey you." The voice that picked up was sleepy and slow and Shepard made sure to keep her voice soft as she replied.

"Hey babe... mhhm, I could get used to this." She'd left San Francisco late the night before and today was to be the first time they were apart following a whole two weeks together. Well, more or less, Trish had still had to work during the day but they'd made the most of every moment they had together. Nikki wasn't sure if it was her words or her tone of voice or just Trish's brain finally waking up enough to process earlier details but there was sudden movement and her view of an only _partially_ duvet covered body transformed into a face.

"You're vid calling? You never vid call!"

"Never been close enough to not get lag before." She replied with a shrug and a smile. Trish's own grin faltered slightly as she caught sight of the uniform. Nicola sure looked good in it, but after two weeks in civvies (the majority of which they'd had to go out and buy) it was a sobering reminder that they wouldn't get to see each other in the flesh again for a very long time.

"Have they told you what your next posting is yet?"

"Yeah, I got another week here in Vancouver to make sure my EVA and zero-G training is still up to date before I ship out though. Hey do you remember stargazing on top your house back on Mindoir?"

"Yeah... Why? What's that got to-"

"Shh, I'm reminiscing." The look on Trish's face had the soldier biting back a laugh.

"You what?" _Oh I_ _ **definitely**_ _need to use vid call as much as possible._

"Reminiscing, you know: to recollect, remember, revisit..." The glare was priceless. "What? You spend as much time staring out the window during Standard literature and language as me you're bound to pick up a few synono-nonono-nyms." The civilian's laugh brightened up the room even though they were nearly 1300 kilometers apart.

"Wait, why look out the lit class windows? That was just the parking lot."

"Trish, I looked out **all** the windows at school! History had the best view though."

"You're an idiot."

"Yeah I know, but I'm your idiot." It rolled off the tongue without any thought and Trish felt her heart warm.

"Yes you are and I love you for it."

"That reminds me, reminiscing!" Any negative thoughts that might have threatened as Nikki completely glided over her admission barely had a chance to be felt before they were overtaken by a swirl of confusion at her next words. "Do you remember what you said when I asked how much you loved me back on Mindoir?" Trish was completely lost now as she desperately tried to think back, eyes widening suddenly as the memory hit.

"That's not fair, we were teenagers! I didn't know you were going to grow up and get a job traveling all across the galaxy."

"Come on, tell me what you said then... Please?" She looked at the screen and the wide smile shining back at her, the glint in the eye that made her just know Nikki was up to something and she sighed in defeat.

"I said I love you to the moon and back."

"You never said which moon."

"What? Nick... It's too early for this, my brain's not working yet. Does all this reminiscing have a point?"

"My next posting... Luna base 3." Trish's mouth opened and closed as she tried to think of a response, finally settling for a groan.

"All that... I hate you!"

"Love you too babe." The only response was a lifted arm and raised middle finger towards camera and the mechanic couldn't resist chuckling.

"That's it. I'm not talking to you anymore."

"Yeah right. I give it a week. One week of looking up at the night sky, watching the moon shining back at you and thinking: 'I wonder what that insufferable bitch is up to now."

"What'd be the point of looking at the sky? You don't even ship out for a week!"

"Details Trish, details." She waved a hand dismissively. There was another groan on the San Francisco side as an alarm started blaring, Trish flopping her arm around until she hit the right button to silence it.

"I've got to get ready for work."

"Hey I'm not stopping you!" Nikki grinned and it took her a moment to process what she was seeing as a pillow flew towards the camera, looking very strange happening an inch above her wrist and cutting out about a foot away from her, the image suddenly changing to a tilted view of the bedroom floor. She couldn't have stopped laughing even if she wanted to. "Was that supposed to hurt me?"

"No, it was supposed to shut you up. I warned you my brain doesn't do mornings... I've got to go, can I call you after work?"

"Sure. Send a text through first though in case I'm busy. Have fun at work."

"Yeah right. Hey Nick?" she waited for an acknowledgment before she continued. "We should vid call more often." The marine's face lit up.

"Definitely."


	18. Luna Posting

For the majority of earthborn marines Luna wasn't just the big bright shape in the night sky but the location of their first (non-simulated) zero-G training. It was the place where the training wheels came off, the lack of atmosphere turning what had seemed like trivial mistakes back on Earth that surely didn't deserve that much shouting and beasting from the Drill Sergeants, into potentially fatal experiences.

Having enlisted in the Traverse, Shepard's training had been conducted in different far flung locations and this was her first trip to Luna, she couldn't help a sense of awe at the sight of Earth glinting in the sky. The crisp blue shape mottled with greens, browns and swirls of white cloud was stunning against the dark black of space. She may have been a native Mindoirian but the sight of humanity's birthplace was truly breath taking.

It took a couple of minutes of admiration before she recognised the shapes she could see as the American continents and the realisation that somewhere down there was Trish. She raised her omni-tool to snap a picture and attached the file to a message, only pausing when she had to think of some text to include. _'I can see you'_ or _'I'm watching you'_ both seemed a little creepy, she briefly considered the minimalistic _'Boo!'_ before settling for: [Well hello there beautiful.]

It wasn't until after she sent it that she suddenly remembered that they no longer shared a time zone and she was still desperately trying to work out the time difference when a notification popped up. [Well hello there] The nearly word for word reply was accompanied by a picture of a gibbous moon, large against a star specked sky, and followed almost immediately by [Are you free to talk?].

...

Luna was certainly a strange posting Nikki reflected as she looked around the gift shop for a suitable present for Trish. Despite her work days revolving around keeping the training base's squadron of tanks and IFVs in top condition there was actually relatively little military presence on the moon. The vast majority of the 4 million population was in fact civilian, the opinion being if an enemy got this close to Earth there wasn't a lot a surface defense force on the moon could actually do and it would be a better use of Alliance personnel to keep them on the fleets, use Arcturus station as a choke point for the Charon relay to prevent unauthorised ships reaching the Sol system in the first place, and on Earth itself. The original settlement had been founded in 2069 with the intention of mining Helium 3, then the discovery of eezo changed the course of technology, suddenly rendering a resource countries had been willing to kill over relatively unimportant and obsolete. There was still some mining and industry present but an estimated 36% of Armstrong's economy was tourism based.

Normally the semi-permanent staff of the training base didn't get out much but they'd finally waved goodbye to the last load of boot camp recruits and had a couple of days to themselves before some spec op troops were due to arrive for advanced training. The maintenance crews for both ground and flight vehicles had decided to requisition, _well... more like liberate, umm... 'test drive'? That's it. They needed to 'test drive'_ a couple of vehicles just to make sure they were fully functioning for the training exercises ahead and some how Nikki had ended up dragged along to the Apollo museum.

A smart thinking entrepreneur in the early days of colonization had swept the moon's surface for any remaining 20th century visit debris and had acquired the majority of the ascent and descent stages left behind from Apollos 10 through to 17; as well as the Lunar Rovers from Apollo missions 15, 16 and 17. They had combined these with a variety of vids and photographs to make some interactive displays, including a mock up of the Kennedy space station mission control. Even Shepard had to admit it was pretty impressive, even if she didn't bother reading much of the handy info along the way as she focused on the pre-eezo vehicles. It hadn't been long before she ended up in the gift shop.

There was the practically compulsory "My [insert here] went to [insert here] and all I got was this lousy t-shirt", available at all good tourist attractions across the galaxy. There was the frankly awful: "I was the man on the moon". Then there were pictures of famous historical astronauts, photos or schematics of early space ships. Posters and stills for the earliest known sci-fi film "Voyage dans la Lune" by Georges Méliès with a bullet like space capsule sticking out of the moon's eye, available in both colour and black and white prints plastered on every gift imaginable... So far however Shepard's personal favourite was the 'Luna Dairies' series featuring a cow in an old fashioned space suit and bubble helmet, complete with the slogan "Best cheese this side of Hollywood." Her browsing was interrupted by a commotion near the door, three Alliance uniforms with familiar looking occupants scrambling excitedly into view.

"Hey Shepard, did you know they're renting out replica Apollo Rovers?"

"Let me guess, you've broken them already?" There was a flood of denials and a particularly emphatic 'not yet' as the mechanic rejoined them with a grin.

...

"So, umm... Please don't get mad at me babe, there's something I probably should have told you..." It was a good job the basic functions of the human body worked on automatic, Trish wouldn't have known whether her heart rate was supposed to double or stop completely when she heard those words. "Last time we had a night out in Armstrong we ran into these asari scientists at one of the bars... I didn't mention it before because nothing happened, but it's starting to freak me out now. They keep trying to invite me out to play golf. I can't work out if it's supposed to be a euphemism." Trish burst out laughing.

"Oh god, it is isn't it? I keep saying no but they keep asking. I don't even know what they mean!" Tears streamed helplessly down the civilian's cheeks at the look of pure panic and confusion on Nikki's face. She tried to reassure her girlfriend but couldn't get the words out, merely shaking her head in amusement. "What? What am I missing?"

"I'm sorry Nick... You actually had me worried for a moment there." She nearly broke down in hysterics again but pulled herself together when she saw how lost and bewildered the soldier looked. "It's probably because of your name." Apparently her explanation didn't ring any bells, then again that should hardly be a surprise, the younger woman had readily admitted how little attention she used to pay to Mrs Lewis in history. "You know, Alan Shepard? Second human in space, fifth man on the moon? First person to hit a golf ball outside the Earth's atmosphere. On, coincidentally, the moon. That place where you, Corporal Shepard, are currently based. They probably think you're related." Relief and understanding dawned.

"Oh! So when they say golf, they just mean golf?"

"Yes dear. It's not a euphemism. You can go out and play golf with asari if you want to and I won't get jealous."

...

"Bloody hell Nikki, what happened? It looks like someone dropped a crowbar on your face!" Shepard winced, silently berating herself for not checking if the call was just audio or video as well before answering. She didn't argue as she obeyed her girlfriend's hand signals, angling the camera for a better look at the purple and blue bruising across her jaw.

"No, just a fist. The Spec op guys are dicks-"

"They hit you? What the hell for? Have you filed a complaint?"

"Calm down Trish, one question at a time. He's in the punishment block as we speak and they're just sore losers. No sense of humour either." There was a groan from the Earth side of the vid-link.

"What did you say?"

"Hey! A moment ago you were willing to rip through the Alliance's best and meanest for me, now you're assuming it's my fault!" The indignation was clear in the soldier's voice but there was no sign of guilt or remorse as Trish raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

"Are you going to try telling me he still would've hit you if you'd kept your big mouth shut?"

"Well... Ok, no, probably not. But there's a bloody long back story behind it...

*,,,*

The sound of the interior airlock doors opening had Shepard looking up from her job replacing a cut fuel line to see the recovery vehicle driving in with yet another M29 casualty on the back. A tilt of her head had the technician that had been helping her running over to assist the driver with unhooking the Grizzly as the vehicle's crew filtered out the hatch and back to the barracks. She finished her own task, making sure her tools were clean and secure before heading over to check it out.

"They can shoot and they can kill but they can't drive for shit." Shepard muttered as she surveyed the assorted debris that had turned up in her workshop over the last two hours. She was startled by a deep rumbling chuckle and turned to find a dark-skinned man in his late 30s had managed to sneak up on them despite wearing a suit of heavy armour.

"Think you can do better Corporal?" She stiffened into a salute, there was no visible rank insignia on the armour but the N7 logo on the chest guaranteed he outranked her.

"Shooting and killing? No Sir. The driving? Hard to see how I could do any worse. Erm... Can I help you with something Sir?"

"Just checking if the Grizzlies will be ready for 0300."

"How many do you need?" She was already calculating work times and which jobs she could siphon off to other people in her head. It was a tight deadline that guaranteed she wouldn't be sleeping tonight but she couldn't exactly tell an N7 no because of that.

"Ten." She winced.

"I'm afraid I can only guarantee you seven Sir, possibly eight, I haven't had a chance to run diagnostics on that one yet." She pointed towards the newest casualty, aware that everyone else in the workshop had stopped working, focusing on her conversation as they pretended to be busy. For the first time in the posting she wished there was someone who outranked her in the garage so they could have this discussion instead of her.

"If you push the exercise time back four hours I can get you one more Sir, but that's the best I can do." She awaited the enraged blowback of how she should do what she's told and get it done but the man seemed relatively calm, as if he was doing his own mental arithmetic of how to get around the limitation. Unfortunately her mouth didn't know when to stop moving. "Love to get you more Sir, but I'm afraid I only have one pair of hands."

"Really? What about the others?" He raised an eyebrow inquiringly, indicating the other mechanics hanging around, all making surprisingly little noise for a working garage.

"Smyth and Singh are flight mechanics." She gestured to the two gods in human form, helping scrape off the hated omni-gel despite the fact that they were perfectly entitled to sit around on crates watching and muttering 'not my department'. "They're only qualified to work on shuttles and fighters, not ground vehicles. Garcia's still an apprentice, he can do the basic work but your guys insist on breaking things in creative ways. At the moment I've got him replacing burnt out clutches and brake pads. Of course I could just give him a toolbox and tell him to do whatever he thinks is right but I can't guarantee the vehicles won't fall apart or explode on you if I do that. I certainly won't be able to sign off on them."

"So it's just you then?"

"Near enough Sir, Kuznetsov is fully qualified but doc won't let him out the infirmary."

"OK, I get the picture. I best let you get on with it, as many as you can manage Corporal."

...

Shepard stood outside the door, datapad in hand, psyching herself up. There were so many reasons she shouldn't attempt what she was about to do but they'd already 'acquired' a few spare parts from the other Luna bases and were still going to run out. Short of going around the garages in Armstrong that worked on the civilian VT7 variant and 'commandeering' their stock, she couldn't see any other way. She knocked.

"Come in." She entered briskly, stopping before the instructor's desk and snapping a salute. "At ease Corporal, Shepard wasn't it? What can I do for you?"

"Yes Sir, I need you to sign a requisitions order please Sir." His eyebrow shot up.

"It's my understanding that there's already a system in place for such things. Why aren't you going through the chain?"

"I've already worked through my monthly quota of parts and put in several extra request forms Sir, the first ones arrived no problem but the later ones are being delayed. I was kind of hoping an N7's signature would speed things up a bit. After all without the parts I won't be able to maintain the vehicles needed for your training exercises."

"Did they say **why** there's a delay?" There was a notable hesitation before she answered.

"Not exactly Sir, there was an... implication, that we shouldn't need any more yet. After all the monthly quota is usually ample and we've gone through twice as many parts in half the time."

"I can read between the lines Corporal but it's tiresome, speak freely. I didn't earn my N7 by being an expert at everything, I earned it by becoming an expert on a lot and knowing when to listen to others on the things I'm not. You're basically saying my trainees can't drive."

"Not **exactly** Sir, I'm sure they're all capable of passing driving tests on Earth... More that they're not driving properly for zero-G and they have so little understanding of what's behind their vehicle that they don't think about it. For example... Say your rifle overheats, it's an inconvenience sure, but you just swap to another weapon and wait for the heat sinks to cool back down. It's as if they're driving with a fighting mentality, but if you burn out a clutch then that's dead. Nothing in the world is going to make that part safe to use again, not even omni-gel. Speaking of which... someone should inform them that the myth about the 'miracle properties' of omni-gel are largely an advertising lie. If the first batch of omni-gel doesn't work then it means it's not going to fix the problem, not that you just haven't used enough of it. All the additional three or four pouches does is make it take longer before we can start fixing the problem back in the garage."

Shepard finally paused, fighting the urge to rock slightly on her heels as she realised 'permission to speak freely' or not she probably shouldn't have said quite so much to someone so much higher up the chain of command than her. Instead of any of the vast variety of expressions she may have expected however the officer merely studied her analytically.

"Maybe we can help each other out Corporal. I have been trying to get my superiors to make advanced zero-G and plus-G driving mandatory much earlier in the N program without success. My proposal is this, I authorise your requests for parts and you take on my trainees in a driving challenge. You seemed pretty confident you were better than them in the garage." _Balls, he remembered that. Wait, how does this help him out?_ The confusion must have slipped through her mask.

"If a corporal beats the brass's golden boys then maybe they'll understand what I've been trying to tell them... and even if **they** don't, personal pride will dictate the current batch at least will seek improvement." _Well that's just great for you but I still don't see what's in it for me?_

"Of course a challenge is nothing without stakes, so when you win I will ensure my men scrape all omni-gel off their vehicles after exercises before they can head to the mess." It was certainly tempting but Shepard wasn't a _complete_ idiot.

"And what if I lose?"

"I thought you were confident in your abilities?"

"I am, but with respect Sir, the whole point of your MOS is that you don't play fair. I'd rather know the stakes going in than be surprised later." To her surprise he actually allowed a slight chuckle.

"Fair enough... If you lose... My men may apply their entire combined quota of omni-gel on the vehicles, broken or not." _Shit, talk about double or nothing. Ah well, what the hell, not my problem... if I lose the rest of the mechanics will kill me instantly._

"Only if it's applied on the last day of training, not before."

"Agreed. So do we have a deal?" Shepard considered a moment longer before accepting the instructor's outstretched hand.

"Yes Sir I believe we do."

*,,,*

"Well I'm not going to bore you with a turn by turn commentary, but naturally I won **and** without sustaining any damage to my vehicle." Nikki finished telling Trish her story with a particularly smug look on her battered face.

"So... You won the race and they punched you? That's not the whole story is it?"

"Couple of them broke down again."

"Ah... Go on."

"Well... I took the recovery truck out to pick up the vehicles..."

"Mhmm."

"And I asked them if they wanted a lift back to base..."

"Or?"

"Hey! How did you know there was going to be an 'or'?"

"This is you we're talking about Nick, there is **always** either an 'and' a 'but' or an 'or' involved." Shepard smirked, not even attempting to deny that one.

"Ok, so I asked if they wanted to be towed back OR if they'd rather drive the truck back while I fixed the Grizzly, then I'd drive that back and **still** beat them a second time!"

"You didn't." Trish groaned. "Talk about adding insult to injury. You actually said that to a bunch of N7s?"

"NO! I'm not THAT stupid, give me **some** credit. I'm not suicidal... They were only N3."

"Ohhh, they were only N _Three_! That makes it all ok then. Did you at least learn a valuable lesson?" Trish asked in a rather condescending tone.

"Yeah, yeah I know. Always keep my guard up and be ready to duck." The civilian laughed.

"No doofus, I meant don't insult the spec op guys."

"Pfft, or at least only do it over comms..." Trish shook her head.

"Well look on the bright side, you may have to mess about with medigel for a few days but at least you get a break from omni-gel."

"Bah, I think that N7 bastard was playing me the entire time."

"I thought you just said they were only N3s?"

"Yeah no, the _trainees_ are only N3, their instructor's an N7. Anderson baited that trap perfectly and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I don't have to mess about with omni-gel anymore but now I've proven my superiority over his guys and got their respect, they want **me** to teach them how to drive properly. My days just got a whole lot longer."

...

 **Author's note:**

Thanks to everyone who's followed, faved or reviewed, it really does encourage writers to keep going. To be honest Nikki and Trish are such a delight to write that I might even be able to keep going without the encouragement, but if nothing else it reminds me to concentrate on getting the next chapter in the story done instead of being distracted by the random scenes that pop into my head for years ahead in the timeline. While I'm confident I've got those two well enough characterized in my head to be happy writing them, it was a bit weird trying to include other characters again. Obviously it's necessary to progress the story, so far we've followed Shepard from naive teenager into confident marine but she still needs to get from military mechanic to spec ops. I'm not sure if I'm happy with Anderson's dialogue here or not, at times it seems a bit too casual and pally. I know he ends up being viewed as a mentor for Shepard by the time 2183 rolls around, but it still seems out of place behavior for between an officer and a lowly corporal. Hopefully it's not too bad and it's just because I'm not confident in writing him yet.


	19. Just Desserts

All Trish wanted to do after work was put her feet up and relax, unfortunately she had to get the house ready for Nikki's return the next day. By the time she reached the front door she had decided that dinner would be the first microwave meal to come to hand, but as she entered her ears picked up the faint strain of music and her nose was assaulted by a tantalizing smell that did nothing to curb her mounting hunger.

There was of course always the slight possibility of a particularly inept or confident burglar being in the house, but the whole 'anti-crime' concept of breaking-and-decorating had for the most part been a 60s fad that died down. No, Trish had her own suspicions about what was going on. Crossing the threshold to the kitchen a light smile graced her lips as her eyes landed on her beloved marine, still in uniform, tending a multitude of pots and pans on the stove. Nikki's head turned round, eyes seemingly lighting up with happiness as they landed on Trish, her first words spoken seemingly without any trace of sarcasm or irony:

"You're back early, dinner won't be ready for another half hour." The vid calls had been a godsend, each one truly amazing, but they were nothing compared to the real thing just standing there. The urge to rush over and jump into her arms was almost unbearable, but she was highly aware of the hot stove and boiling water, the last thing she wanted was to burn her lover. Instead she leant casually against the doorframe, if Nikki could fein nonchalance so would she.

" _Yeah,_ because I wasn't expecting you back until tomorrow and **I'm** the early one?" Nikki responded with a carefree shrug.

"Heard a rumour of a private shuttle making the trip, pretty much begged, bribed and blackmailed my way onto it. I can leave now if you want? Come back tomorrow when I'm supposed to?"

"Oh I would never be that mean... you can finish cooking before you go!" Shepard smirked, turning back to her work and Trish took the opportunity to sneak up behind her, wrapping her arms round the soldier's waist and snuggling close, head resting on her shoulder. "So, what you making?"

"Shepard's special surprise."

"Oh really? And what's in it?"

"Meat, rice and sauce with a dash of spice and a handful of vegetables." Trish could tell the quest for more information was a battle she wouldn't win.

"Sounds good... I can already guess dessert."

"Really? I hadn't decided yet. It's between apple turnover and-..." Nikki trailed off, understanding dawning as she shuddered under the kisses to her neck. "Oh you cheeky minx! Control yourself when I'm cooking please."

"It's not **my** fault. You're the one who turned up without warning, in my kitchen, after months away **and** wearing that sexy uniform."

"Oh I see, so if I want to avoid harassment next time I come home I should change into civvies first?"

"Well I can't guarantee you won't get ravaged simply by turning up but there's no harm in trying. Ooh, one of those old fashioned long aprons with nothing underneath, that might work." Shepard barked a laugh.

"I know what you're doing you know and I'm not falling for it. You're trying to distract me and sabotage my cooking so you can claim to be the better chef!"

"Foiled again!" Trish pressed one last kiss to her girlfriend's jawline before releasing her and going to make a drink. For a moment the boiling kettle and sizzling pans were the only noise in the companionable silence.

"So... you'll never guess what I managed to get hold of." Such a claim was almost certainly true but Trish still had to appear to try.

"Uh, the complete works of Agatha Christie?" Nikki just shook her head. "Ooh, a Ming dynasty vase?"

"What would we even do with one of them? No, much better... Bananas!" There was an impressed gasp before Trish thought to seek clarification.

"Hang on, do you mean bananas or **bananas**?"

"Nope, real, proper, honest to soil, organic bananas. None of that fake, mushy, cube crap. They're in the bag over there." Nikki would have sworn her partner teleported she moved so fast. The half made coffee forgotten on the work top.

"Can I have one?"

"That **was** kind of the idea when I bought them." The soldier was still stirring the pots, just about able to see Trish in the corner of her eye. She spun round suddenly when she noticed her peel it and take a bite. "Wait, you're eating it raw!?"

For the briefest of seconds Trish panicked, thinking there was something wrong with the fruit. She quickly dismissed that idea, confident that Nikki would never bring anything dangerous back without at least warning her first. That analysis was confirmed when she looked in Nikki's eyes, instead of concern for her safety the marine looked more like a child who'd just witnessed someone kick a puppy.

"How else am I supposed to eat it?" _Yep, kicked a puppy, pissed in the fish pond and then stolen all the candy_.

"How else... Not 'I'm too hungry to wait' or 'I just prefer it that way', but 'how else do you eat bananas?' You seriously don't know?" She sounded so incredulous that Trish had no comeback. "My **god** , I'm living with a barbarian! That's it, dessert is cancelled."

"What! Which version?"

"Both types! All of them! No other desert is acceptable until I have initiated you in the ways of the banana. I'm going to need some chocolate, preferably with nougat or caramel in, possibly some..." _This is like when she found out I couldn't swim all over again..._ Trish thought as Nikki continued listing ingredients for various banana orientated meal plans. _Mind you those lessons_ _ **were**_ _fun._ "Of course for savory you just can't beat fried banana and tuna... I think I'm going to need some more bananas." _This is getting out of hand_.

"You're seriously willing to risk turning down guaranteed sex tonight to teach me about bananas?" It sounded even more absurd out loud. There was a pause and for a moment Trish thought the soldier would backtrack like any sane person would do.

"Well... I've survived this many months without it, I'm sure one more day won't kill me."

"And what makes you think you'll only have to wait one more day?" Her own body was protesting the threat even as she spoke it, she caught a momentary glimpse of worry on Nikki's face before it disappeared behind a grin, two parts cocky to three parts salacious:

"Oh after you've tasted what I can do with bananas, you'll do anything for me babe." There was no containing the laugh that erupted from her, the corners of Nikki's lips twitching in response as she struggled not to join in.

"Is that so?"

"Mhmm." Nikki's eyes were sparkling with mischief and Trish couldn't seem to tear her gaze away. Fortunately she had other senses and she caught a whiff of-

"Your Shepard surprise is burning." Nikki spun around with a curse, muttering about sabotage as she worked to salvage the meal. "Thought you weren't going to fall for that?"

"I didn't! It's all part of the plan!"

"You planned to burn the food?"

"... That's the surprise! Adds flavour and er... crunch."

Trish smiled. Vid call was all well and good, but nothing beat the real thing.

...

 **Author's note:**

Breaking and decorating is a nod to Sir Terry Pratchett, I'm pretty sure it was in Soul Music, but it could have been another book, definitely part of the Discworld series though. The rest of the chapter is pretty much a result of me realising I had some spare bananas and deciding to recreate my favourite pudding from childhood, then wondering what these two would do with the recipe. If anybody's interested you want to put some water in a frying pan, make a little boat out of tinfoil, peel the banana, slit it lengthways then push chunks of chocolate in the gap (Mars bars, double deckers and galaxy caramel are among my favourites, but anything that melts well and has more than one texture should work), pop the food in the tinfoil, heat until it reaches you're preferred level of gooeyness and enjoy.


	20. Chapter 20

"Honey I'm home!" There was none of the usual mad flurry of limbs, no impassioned assault of hugs and kisses, there wasn't even a long suffering sigh and roll of the eyes at the choice of greeting. _She must be in the bathroom,_ Nikki thought as she went to set the shopping bags down in the kitchen. However there was still no sign of Trish by the time she'd put everything away and a quick search of the house found her in the living room, eyes glued to the TV. Nikki recognised the show as one Trish had introduced her to the first time she stayed over, before the posting on Luna. She knew it was her partner's favourite but was still a little put out that she chose to look at the TV over her. Then again nobody was perfect, it was almost slightly endearing actually. Besides, in the grand scheme of things an obsession with a TV show was a fairly minor fault to have. At least it wasn't drugs or hookers. Nikki couldn't help teasing her about it though, just because she chose to accept facts, didn't mean Trish had to know.

"OK, note to self: don't bother coming home when Hooves & Harlots is on."

"It's not called that."

"Oh I'm sorry, 'Ponies and Prostitutes'." That at least got her partner to look at her, although the price was a laser sharp glare, the marine refused to break under the pressure however and instead she dared to utter: "Madams and Mares'?" Trish shook her head in defeat as she returned her attention to the screen and Nicola smirked in victory. "Horses and Whor-"

"Nikki sit down and shut up or I'm kicking you out!"

"You might want to wait for an ad break before you throw me out, you might miss something." As if to prove her point the rider of the brown colt finally caught up to the runaway filly, catching hold of it's reins and bringing it to a halt.

" **Shepard!** " The soldier shut up and sat down.

She didn't complain as Trish pushed and prodded her into a more comfortable position for them to snuggle up together, receiving a belated peck on the cheek. Her own attention was soon drawn to the events on screen. They sat entwined, surrounded by a companionable silence until the rider returned to the barn. Jumping down from her mount with a splash of mud, she led the runaway horse back into it's stall before pressing the thankful owner hard against the wooden door, capturing her lips in a searing ki-

"Wait! What? I thought she was with Ysabel." Shepard couldn't help interrupting, fortunately Trish didn't seem to mind so much when the disruption was a question about the plot.

"That was months ago babe, ohh you missed the whole thing with her and Lana."

"Lana? What the accountant? I thought Lana was with Frankie!"

"They broke up."

"Seriously? They were good together. Is **anybody** still with the same partner as the last time I watched this?" Trish actually had to stop and think a moment before answering.

"Mike and Helen are still together."

"Well of **course** Mike and Helen are still together, they'll be together til death do them part. My money's on double assassination by the way, eventually they're going to get frustrated enough to hire outside help... How **did** Mike survive the poisoning?"

"He still had an antidote from the time he tried to poison her."

"Ah..." There wasn't really a lot else to be said, Shepard supposed the show would make more sense if she watched it more often but she couldn't imagine ever enjoying it as much as Trish seemed to.

...

"-passes to Tyra T'Sansis, only 132, this young maiden has long been touted as one to watch-" It seemed a little silly to listen to the live sports coverage on her omni-tool when she was actually at the game, but Shepard wasn't too proud to admit she wouldn't have had a clue what was happening without it. There was a grace and beauty about biotiball, but it was also mercilessly complex and Nicola had given up trying to work out why some tackles were classed as fouls while other, more dangerous looking moves were considered perfectly legal. Her confusion about what was happening was limited to the pitch however, she understood the reasoning behind hosting a primarily asari biotiball tournament on Earth despite not yet having any native teams. Sport had long been a uniting factor among humans, bringing them together even as it divided them on which side to support. Shepard had only been 3 when First Contact was fought, but was into double digits by the time human biotics started manifesting on a regular enough basis to be properly noticed by the public as anything more than rumours and conspiracy theories. They were different and people were always afraid of what's different. So many people still treated biotics as freaks. With luck events like this would help change people's views, as well as provide kids just discovering their abilities with hope. A positive outlet for their skills and possible role models, even if they **were** asari. IF of course, anyone could get their heads round the rules long enough for the sport to gather a fanbase. Nikki couldn't imagine having chosen to come if Trish's coworker hadn't been ill and offered them his tickets, but despite her confusion she was still enjoying the experience. The high pitch beeping of a pager alert caught her attention but a glance down at her omni-tool failed to reveal a message.

"Hey pumpkin, I got to go." A voice just behind and to her right answered the question of the noise's origin.

" _ **Again?**_ "

"Yeah, **again.** I'll take a cab, leave the car so you can get home-"

"So generous!" The words themselves could be taken multiple ways, Shepard could imagine her and Trish using them in jest but here they sounded far more frustrated than teasing.

"Come on, you knew... Ugh, you know what, I don't have time for this!" Nikki felt her row of chairs shift slightly as the giant of a man pulled himself up, making it several seats down the aisle before he was interrupted.

"Wait! Be careful OK?"

"Don't worry I will be. Hey, I'll be back before you know it."

"WHOO! Did you see that?" Trish's call pulled Nikki's focus back to the game, her sense of unease fading along with the memory of the interruption as she became fully submerged in the high octane sport unfurling in front of her.

...

"And that tackle on what's her face... number 7."

"It **was** pretty awesome, but I still don't get how that wasn't a foul-"

"It wasn't dangerous-"

"She threw her 20 foot into the air!"

"Yeah but it was _controlled_ Nick. There was no risk of head, neck or spinal injuries on landing, that's what it's based on."

"You got the rest of the rule book memorised too?"

"Nearly." They sported identical smirks as they strolled arm in arm down the road, pressed as close together as they could while still maintaining a decent walking speed. "Oh and that charge in the second half! So fast it was like lightning!"

"You know it's starting to sound less like you enjoyed the game and more like you've got a crush on T'Sansis."

"Aww you jealous? Don't worry Nick, you've got something she'll never have."

"Oh, what's that?"

"Brown eyes." There was a snort.

"So all it would take to lose you is an asari with contact lenses? Good to know." It was meant to be joke, she'd said it teasingly, but she couldn't help a flicker of doubt as the words left her mouth.

"Never!" She missed the rest of Trish's reply, drowned out by an angry hubbub of the crowd ahead, people shouting to check out the news. Curious they pulled the channel up on their omni-tools only to be greeted by the dreaded scrolling text: ' **Breaking News** '

"-identity not yet confirmed, but these pictures remain the last transmission received before communication was lost with the Vetus system. So far Alliance..."

" _Batarians_." Trish turned towards the sound of the low growl, she'd seen a lot of different emotions on her partner before but never the strange volatile mix that was there now. She could make out anger and sorrow but it was hard to pick out all the different elements that combined together on her face as a scowl. Hesitantly she placed a light hand on the soldier's arm.

"Hey, you Ok?" The darkness cleared from Nikki's eyes slightly as she turned to face her, offering up a reassuring half smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." The smile faded. "It's the poor sods on Elysium you should worry about." A shake of the head kicked out the remaining negativity before it could fester, replacing it with, well not quite positivity, but at least a certain amount of practicality: "Come on, there's nothing we can do about it out here. You're sure this is the right way to the restaurant?"

...

They'd just made it to the front of the queue to be seated, and were waiting on a waitress to make it back and show them to their table when the beeping was heard once more, this time accompanied by a faint vibration on Nikki's wrist. The message was short enough for her to read twice in no time at all, glancing back up in time to see the apprehension clear in Trish's eyes.

"You've got to go?" The soldier nodded.

"Recall notice, return to unit- Hey, where do you think you're going?" Trish had turned to leave the restaurant, reluctantly resigned to their fate, but Nikki forestalled her. "I've got 36 hours to report to Vancouver, it's what? A seven hour journey? Let's say for argument's sake that **all** the fleets have been called to arms and traffic will take twice as long... that still leaves us with plenty of time to eat. Come on, let me at least have one last good meal before I end up back on the MREs."

It was Trish's turn to flounder in a tide of emotions; worry and concern for her marine, uncertainty over what Nikki would be forced to face, anger at the fact their already rare time together was being cut short, regret over the selfishness of that last thought. Somehow she managed to dig deep and force a smile on her face, ignoring her racing heart. Shepard could see the stress building in her partner's eyes but there was nothing she could do to help dispel it. Without a word spoken out loud they both resolved to make the most of the next few hours. Ignore the inescapable reality and pretend for a brief moment that it was still a normal day. There would be time for teary goodbyes later.

...

 **Author's note:**

And here we are: the most paragon Shepard I've created being one of a very select few NOT to be Hero of Elysium. One origin story down, two to go, which will it be? **I** know the answer to that but I'm afraid you'll have to wait a little longer to find out. Hooves and Harlots is the title of an episode of Xena, I seem to be making a habit of getting distracted by something really random and turning it into dialogue for these two but hey ho, better than suffering writer's block.


	21. Hurry up & Wait

"Nikki? I wasn't expecting to hear from you this soon."

"Yeah well, nothing was happening, thought I'd grab one last vid call while I still can."

"What do you mean 'nothing's happening'? I thought it was supposed to be all 'hurry, hurry, quick, quick, emergency war footing'!"

"Well yeah it was... now it's hurry up and wait. You know what it's like: you plan a night out on the town then just as the last person turns up and you're all ready to leave, someone realises they've forgotten their lucky condom and-" Shepard was interrupted by an involuntary snort.

"Lucky condom!? What is that? Like every time they wear it- wait... you know what, I really don't want to know." Nikki's look of confusion morphed into horror as realisation hit.

"Eww, that's nasty! I did not think that sentence through before I said it. Ugh, and I really wish I wasn't thinking about it now. That's disgusting. What were we talking about?"

"Everyone's there ready to leave and someone forgot something. So what, did they forget to bring the guns?"

"Oh no, they remembered the guns... It's the ship we're waiting on!"

"You're joking!"

"Nope. Hundreds of marines and no ship, look." She twisted her arm so Trish could take in the sea of Alliance blue uniforms loitering around the docks. She noticed something a couple of bays over.

"What about that one over there? Why don't you see if you can sneak onboard that."

"Which... Oh, the Talvisota? No thanks. I'll wait." They both knew there was no choice in the matter, the Alliance had designated which ship Nikki was to be stationed on and there could be no swapsies. That didn't mean they couldn't joke around though.

"Oh, so you're being picky now."

"Come on, it's a frigate." The soldier spoke the word disdainfully. "Sure it's one of the best, but they're tiny, you can't fit more than a single Grizzly in the cargo bay, I'll wait. Besides it's not like I'm going to get bored, they provided us with some light reading." She waved a data pad in front of the camera.

"What is it?"

"Hmm, let's see..." Nikki made a show of scrolling through the contents as she answered. "Classified, classified, Rules of engagement. Classified, clas- no wait, another copy of the regs. Good job they don't print them out anymore, we'd have enough to make a life size model frigate. Classified... then the rest is just the usual pre-deployment forms: will and testament, that sort of bollocks." Trish's easy smile faded.

"Lovely and light. That must do wonders for morale, isn't it a little ominous?"

"Nah, just standard procedure." Shepard dismissed, seemingly unfazed. "Normally you get it a couple of days before you ship rather than on the docks but whatever. At least they give you a copy of your old one to edit now, instead of expecting us to come up with it all again. Most people just read through and hit resubmit without changing anything. Although..." For the first time the marine showed signs of hesitancy, rubbing the back of her neck.

"What is it?"

"Well... I'm not too sure the best way to... fuck it! Do-you-want-to-be-my-emergency-contact?" It came out as a garbled rush, Trish thought she heard it correctly but wasn't entirely certain.

"Umm, what?"

"You don't have to of course. I mean it's not as if I'm going to need it anyway and I've always just kept that whole 'next of kin' section blank before-"

"Nick slow down sweetie, it's alright. What would I have to do?"

"Nothing, they already know all my medical restrictions and preferences. They would just contact you if, well they won't but... you know..." Trish felt as if an invisible hand was squeezing inside her chest, making it hard to breath as she finished the unspoken implication 'if Nikki dies'. She did her best not to let her uneasiness show.

"OK, you can put me down."

"Oh good, cos I already gave you all of my physical crap in the will and that would just be awkward if my hoodies showed up without you knowing why." Shepard's voice was light despite the highly claustrophobic atmosphere and Trish wasn't sure she appreciated the soldier's dark humour right now, but she forced herself to respond in kind.

"Well that was close, I was just about to tell you to be careful but if I get your hoodies, well..." A peal of warm, genuine laughter rung out, it was a truly wondrous sound, Trish had always liked it but she never truly appreciated it before today. She should have kept things light, continued joking around and try to catch that glorious sound again, but her curiosity had been roused and she couldn't help asking: "What did you do about all that stuff before?"

"Hmm? Oh! I've always had my money set to go to charity, the guys who helped out Mom. That's not changed by the way, if you were considering hiring an assassin to get rich quick." There was that brilliant smirk and Trish wondered how Nikki could remain so cavalier about it all. "Never bothered putting anything down about physical possessions before. Not as if I had many and there was no one to dump them on so I never really thought about it. I suppose the Alliance would've just thrown it away or donated it to a charity shop or something, I don't really know."

A loudspeaker crackled into existence but the words were drowned out by the noisy response of the marines all around.

"Sounds like that's my ride..." In the background Trish could see people standing up, collecting their kit and generally getting ready but Nikki didn't seem to be making a move to join them. She wondered if the soldier was secretly just as nervous as she was, just better at hiding it.

"You don't seem to be in much of a hurry."

"Hah, I'm not. This isn't my first ship posting, I know how this works, it'll take ages for everyone to board, might as well make the most of a few more minutes relaxing. Besides all that rushing to be first is pointless. There's no 'first come first served bonus', all the important decisions like the hot-bunking system gets worked out for us. I mean sure if I hurry I might be able to get a locker 30 metres closer to the sleeping pods, but that's about it." The conversation trailed off, Trish unable to think of a response until she noticed the way Nikki was watching her.

"You ok there Nick?"

"Hmm, yeah. Just trying to save you up here." She tapped her forehead with a finger.

"Pretty sure I gave you some photos."

"Yeah but it's not the same."

"No, it's not."

"I think Luna spoiled us, it's going to be hard going back to text only communication."

"No argument here. Still, I'm glad we had it."

"Yeah... I should probably go..."

"OK, take care of yourself."

"I will, you too."

"Love you."

"Love you too..." Trish watched as Nikki stood and picked up her kit.

"Hadn't you better hang up?"

"I thought you were going to hang up." Nikki stated as she started walking towards the boarding queue, making no effort to end the call.

"No, you hang up first."

"Why don't we both hang up? On three, ready?"

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!" They each stared pointedly at the other, raised eyebrows doing the job of accusatory words.

"You know there's another comm in the house, I could totally call my uncle and ask him to order you to hang up."

"Ooh, low blow! You wouldn't? What the hell am I talking about, I wouldn't put it past you. I can just imagine it, it'll come over the loudspeakers: 'Corporal Shepard, hang up the vid call! You have ten seconds to comply or face court martial'. You'll visit me in the brig right?" Trish laughed but refused to give in.

"Only if you hang up first."

"Fine, you win. I guess this it then. I'll see you when I see you."

"Stay in touch."

"I'll try... Bye." Nikki's face vanished as she finally cut the connection and Trish was left alone with her thoughts.


	22. Chapter 22

"Attacks on our colonies will not be tolerated. Relief work is already underway and our engineers are helping to stabilise the structural damage to Elysium in preparation for rebuilding, but rest assured those that fled will not escape. We will find them and we **will** bring them to justice." It was always strange seeing her Uncle Steve on TV. Trish had caught sight of him a few times in the past, taking part in parades and memorial services, normally if given a choice he tried to avoid having a speaking part. She had no doubt he'd made plenty of speeches to the men and women under his command, and sometimes he'd read out pre-prepared statements to the press but they tended to be short and to the point. He preferred action not words. Her uncle's face disappeared, replaced by that of the newscaster's: "Admiral Hackett went on to praise both the professionalism and quick reaction times of the Alliance fleets and the grit and determination of the colonists who held out against the attack in a medal ceremony earlier today..."

Trish scanned the faces of the assembled marines as the camera panned across the crowds, hoping for a glimpse of Nikki but couldn't see her. She didn't even know if her girlfriend was planetside. The mixed species conglomerate of slavers and pirates responsible for the attack had apparently been unprepared for the speed and ferocity of the Alliance reaction force. The first wave of ships blasting the enemy vessels from orbit like fish in a barrel, F-61 Tridents launching from carriers to engage in low atmosphere dog fights while marines were dropped on the capital city of Illyria, fighting their way through ground forces to relieve the beleaguered defenders.

By the time the second wave arrived enemy forces were already attempting a scrambled retreat, the third wave turned out to be unnecessary and held back at the Charon relay awaiting further orders. The only logical explanation for the one-sided beating was that the pirates had expected to be in and out much quicker and had spent their credits on personal weapons and armour rather than ship upgrades. They likely would have been as well if it hadn't been for the actions of-

"Private Orion, who defended the North East sector single handedly for 9 hours before finally succumbing to his wounds shortly after relief forces reached his position, was posthumously awarded the Star of Terra..." The biotic looked so young in the picture they showed, smiling proudly in his uniform. As they launched into a retrospective of his far too short life she found her mind drifting back to her own smily marine, wondering what Nikki was up to now. It wasn't long before her omni-tool was out, composing another message to send despite the fact she hadn't heard back to any of the other ones she'd sent in the last three days.

...

[Hey babe, thanks for the messages, they mean a lot. Sorry I've not had a chance to reply to them earlier we've been real busy. Afraid I can't tell you what with, you know how it is. I miss you too... and now I've spent too long trying to figure out what to say and I'm needed again. Just gonna send this as is, will try again later. Love you, Nikki]

Trish read and reread the message so many times. She was glad Nikki had sent the half written message anyway instead of holding on until it was finished and polished, it had been wonderful to receive something from her marine and know she was safe. Even if she had to stop her mind from getting carried away with speculations over just what Nikki had been needed for that had resulted in the early sending.

...

[You will be pleased to hear that I am bored. Now I know what you're thinking Trish, you're going to try and deny it and claim that you're really sorry to hear that and you wish I had something to do, but let's just lay it out a moment: If I'm bored then in means a) I'm not currently in combat and b) I've finished doing every possible task I need to do with the vehicles so it's been awhile and we're not expecting anything in the next couple of hours either. Therefore I'm safe - You're happy I'm safe - you're happy I'm bored. See?

Oh, and I totally get what you said in your message about you thinking of me at really random and awkward moments, it's been happening to me too. Just the other day I was working on one of the M29s and I thought: 'I wish Trish was here scrapping off this omni-gel instead of me!' Nah seriously though, I know I don't get to message you anywhere near enough but I do think about you a LOT. I'll try and message more often but can't promise anything. Love you, Nikki]

[I'm not entirely sure why I'm replying, you seem more than capable of filling in my part of the conversation! :) I **am** glad you're safe and well, for the moment at least. Contrary to your opinion however I do hope you find something to do and don't have to stay bored for too long.

Otherwise next thing I know I'm going to get a message about how you decided to count how many separate components are needed to make a cruiser and was busy dismantling the ship from the inside, while traveling at FTL speed, in order to count the parts and everybody onboard is slightly dead now all because you were bored.

Maybe you should find a hobby. You know you could always try and catch back up with the show... Lana and Frankie are back together now. Love you too, Trish]

[Ha, you know me too well! I promise I'll start small, maybe start with counting how many nuts and bolts are in a grizzly, at least I know how to fix one of them if I mess up. Much as I know you love Hooves & Harlots I'm afraid I'm going to have to give that one a pass. Seriously though, they're back together? Frankie's a bigger idiot than I thought! Love Nikki]

[I thought you liked Frankie and Lana? You know I'm keeping track of every time you insult my show right? When you get home you will be punished.]

[Promises, promises. I honestly don't know whether to be worried or excited, are we talking like withholding of chocolate rations or something a bit more _physical_? I need to know how many more times I can insult Hooves  & Harlots before I end up dead in a ditch somewhere.

And yes, I admit I **did** think Lana and Frankie were good together, until Lana cheated. The amount of crap she put Frankie through, I'm sorry, but Frankie's an idiot for accepting her back. If I was ever stupid enough to do something like that I'd expect you to kick the crap out of me, not take me back after I dragged you through hell just cos I said I love you...

Aaaaand now I got to sign off this message saying I love you, good going Shepard... Miss you lots and lots, Nikki]

...

[Hey Trish, I know this is going to sound really random but if Mount Everest was declared the tallest mountain on Earth in 1852, what was the tallest mountain before then?] Trish looked bemusedly at the message on her omni-tool, trying to work out why she'd been asked. With a shake of her head she opened up the extranet to do some research.

[Alright Nick, I have no idea why you want to know but before 1852 the tallest mountain on Earth was Kangchenjunga. It's also in the Himalayas like Mount Everest but was later proven to be only the third tallest mountain on Earth with an elevation of 8,586m. Oh and in case you're wondering it's taller than anything on Mindoir. Have they blocked extranet access on the ship or are you just too busy to check?]

[Ha, you're wrong! I thought you were supposed to be clever! Before 1852 the tallest mountain was Mount Everest, it was still the same height even if it hadn't been measured by anyone.]

[Seriously? I put actual research time into that and you were just messing about? I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be mad right now.]

[Aww I'm sorry babe, please don't be mad. I wanted to message you but couldn't think of anything to say. There's got to be only so many times I can type 'I love you, I miss you' before you get bored reading it.]

[Alright I forgive you, and for the record I never get tired of reading your messages. I miss you too. Love Trish]

[That's good to know because I seriously love and miss you so much and I never know what to write. It used to be so much easier on the vidcom, at least if I fucked up and said the wrong thing I could apologise straight away, but I never know how things are going to come across on text. So... if I got two candles of equal wax content but one was a long, thin green candle and the other was a short, fat blue candle, which would burn longer? Just curious. Love Nikki]

[Really, again? Whatever happened to that Lance Corporal "I better quit while I'm ahead" Shepard I met in a bar the other year? If this is like the last question you asked me then I'm going with neither, candles burn shorter not longer. So is this a thing now? Am I going to get weekly riddles? Love Trish]

[Not that I mind! Just re-read my message and thought I best make it clear, I have NO problem with this being our thing. - Trish]

[Weekly? You want **weekly** riddles? Guess I'm going to have to talk to the Sphinx more often. If you don't hear from me for more than a fortnight assume my brain imploded from his sneaky twisty ways. The risks I take for you, it's a good thing I love you, Nikki. (PS She got promoted... and a girlfriend. I'm still not sure which one to blame for the attitude change)]

[The Sphinx? Is that a person or one of those strange military slang words you guys seem to have for everything? Oh and formerly Lance Corporal Shepard has a girlfriend now!? Why am I always the last to find out about these things?]

[Fine, Private Spinks. When a man with a surname like that confesses he likes riddles what else are we supposed to call him? It can be hard work talking to him sometimes. Still at least he knows when to turn it off, could just imagine it in battle: What has fins, is shaped like a discus and about to kill us all? GRENADE! We are talking about the same Corporal Shepard right?]

[Black hair, brown eyes, about your height... Terrible sense of humour. **No** taste in TV shows... I think she's supposed to be a mechanic.]

[Must be a different one. The one I'm thinking of has an **awesome** sense of humour!]

...

[Sorry I got no idea what time it is over there but are you free to talk? As in like audio call, lets say between now and the next 15 minutes?]

"Nikki, is everything alright?" There was badly disguised panic audible in the civilian's voice.

"Yeah of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

"You mean other than the fact you asked me to call in the next 15 minutes when we've been text based for months? I thought you were in hospital!"

"Oh, OH! No, I'm sorry, I didn't think about how that would sound. I just wanted to hear your voice, I've missed it."

"Just my voice?" Trish's voice became coy as the fear faded.

"And the rest of you."

"Missed you too, you sound tired."

"Ha, I **am** tired! I'm supposed to be sleeping right now but I heard we were going to be passing a comm buoy, figured it would be worth being tired for, I missed your voice."

"You said that."

"Sorry."

"It's alright, you can say it as much as you like, I missed yours too."

"Well **clearly** not as much as I missed you. I missed your voice, I missed your voice, I mis- Wait this isn't right, why am I doing all the talking? I called you to hear YOUR voice!"

"I think you'll find I called you."

"Well I would have called if you messaged that you were free instead of panic calling."

"Yeah right, I bet you did it on purpose."

"I didn't I... We're not seriously going to spend our time arguing about who called who are we?"

"I don't care what we're talking about as long as we're talking. If you've got a better topic then I'm all ears."

"I hope not! Your ears are nice but I happen to like your eyes and that cute little nose... Your boobs are still boobs right? I know I said I'd love you no matter what but if your tits and fingers and toes are all ears now I might have to change my mind."

"What are you even-... you're stupid!"

"And you're made of ears! I bet that's the reason you didn't vid call, you didn't want me to see you."

"What? You said audio call!"

"Yeah, yeah blame it on me." Even without video Trish could hear the smirk in her girlfriend's voice.

"Hey I'm up for vid call if you are?"

"The lag's probably going to be terrible but we can try if you want." Trish fiddled around with the settings on her omni-tool until Nikki's face popped up on screen. The image quality was awful, grainy and distorted but after all this time she didn't care, it was practically a miracle to be able to see-

"You look like shit!" There was a loud, genuine laugh from the other side.

"Thanks babe, I've been waiting months to hear you say that! You look good. Slightly blurry, but your eyes and nose are the right shape at least. Although... This angle doesn't answer the question about your boobs..."

"No chance Nick, I'm at work." There was a tutting noise.

"If you're at work shouldn't you be, I don't know... Working?"

"I took an early lunch."

"How early?"

"Quarter to ten."

"Ouch, you're going to be so hungry later. Sorry."

"It was worth it."

"You say that **now**..."

"Nikki, it was worth it."

" **Shepard!** " A new voice came over the comm but it took a couple of seconds for the video to catch up to events.

"Ger off Badger!" Nikki's face suddenly disappeared from sight as a pair of uniformed arms descended into frame, large meaty hands angling back up to ruffle her hair.

"There's a poker game in engineering tomorrow night, you in?" Nikki freed herself from the man's grip, lips moving in protest completely out of sync to the audio.

"Can I think about it? I'm kinda busy right now." There was a low whistle.

"Damn, not bad Shepard." The man stared forward into the omni-tool, finally noticing Trish on the vid call and pursing his lips.

"Come on man, I don't crash your calls with your wife... Hang on, ain't you supposed to be in med bay?"

"Fuck that! 'S full of sick people... Besides they needed the beds." Trish tried not to dwell on the implication of his words but this time she couldn't help but notice the soldier's bandage as he leant closer to the camera to tell her: "This gorgeous marine saved my life you know."

"This marine's gonna **end** your life in a minute, fuck off!" He chuckled, ruffling her hair again before walking off, calling over his shoulder:

"Eighty credit buy in, be there!"

"Shout it a little louder Badger! I don't think the XO heard ya!" Nikki turned back to the camera, burying her face in her hands. "Sorry 'bout that babe, so much for my 'everyone not on duty will be asleep' plan."

"It's alright... So Badger huh, do I **want** to know how he got that nickname?"

"No, you really don't. I've heard about five different versions now and I don't think any of them are clean."

"He says you saved his life?"

"We all make mistakes... Aww come on Trish, it was a joke! Yeah I probably saved his life, he'd have done the same for me. Any of the guys out here would."

"The news reports are terrible, how bad is it out there really?"

"Well the cabbage mechanics can't cook to save their lives. Not sure how many more times they can feed us pasta and meatballs for breakfast before we mutiny. I did try breakfast blocks for a bit but we ran out of Full English last week, only got continental blocks left. Let's just say 'croissant flavour' really isn't the same when the texture's all wrong."

"Nick, you know that's not what I mea-"

"How about you? How's the work on that top secret thingy-mijig going?" Trish took the hint and dropped it with a sigh.

"It still needs field testing but all the simulations so far suggest I've managed to enhance the realtime software capabilities of the thing I can't talk about by an estimated 1.7%"

"I have no idea what that means so I'm just going to assume that's impressive and that you're super awesome." The civilian laughed, her amusement short lived as the video quality degraded further before cutting out altogether, static starting to affect the audio.

"Wow, those private corporations and their non disclosure agreements sure are powerful! You didn't even tell me the project name!" Shepard teased before going serious. "We must be going back out of comm range, I'll have to go."

"OK, take care of yourself Nikki. I'm glad we talked. Now go get some sleep, you need it."

"I will, for both points. Have-... at work... love you."

"I love-... too. Sweet dream-" The heavily static line finally cut out completely leaving behind an oppressive silence in its wake.


	23. Xmas special

"So, there's probably a better way to tell you this but... I think there's been an administration error." Nikki's voice held no clues as to what was about to come next and Trish knew her imagination would run rampant if she didn't find out quickly.

"What is it?"

"Well, I don't know how because it certainly shouldn't have happened but... it looks like we've got two weeks leave over Christmas."

"You're coming home?" The disbelief was audible in her voice, she'd been expecting the reveal to be something far worse.

"I'm coming home." The confirmation warmed Trish's heart. She wanted to hug Nikki tight in her arms again, to scream and jump up and down like a child at the good news... and to hit her idiot lover repeatedly until she promised not to scare her like that again. Instead she settled for asking in what she hoped was a calm and collected way:

"When?" Ok, so maybe it came out a little more desperate than she'd intended, there was a slight chuckle on the other end of the call.

"Well I lose a couple days traveling but I should be back early evening on the 19th." The older woman tried to bite back the groan but failed. "What, what's wrong Trish?"

"Nothing, just that that's the night of the work party. I'm sorry Nick, I can't get out of it. I won't be able to pick you up."

"That's alright. I know where you live, wait you haven't moved have you?"

"No."

"Right, good. I'll make my own way home then. Think of it this way, you'll have something to look forward to when you get back. Might even let you unwrap one of your presents early."

"I can't wait. It's going to be so good to see you again." There was a soft hum of agreement before they fell silent, each with their own thoughts of the other. Then all of a sudden: "DAMN IT! Why'd you have to say it like that? Now I **really** can't wait! Hey Nick... are you somewhere private?"

"Why? You alright babe? You sound a little hot and bothered." Trish might have bought the other woman's concern if it wasn't for the last sentence, but she knew Nikki knew exactly what she was doing.

"Yes or no Shepard, are you alone?" There was the sound of badly repressed laughter, sometimes she **really** hated her marine.

"Hmm, are you horny for me Trish?"

"Just answer the question!"

"Yeah I'm alone. Wish I wasn't though." In just three sentences her voice had gone from teasing to serious to soft and tender. "Wish I was back home with you. The things I'd do to you if we were together right now." Trish smiled as she made herself comfortable.

"What would you do?"

"Well, for starters..."

...

Trish was struggling to enjoy herself. The party wasn't that bad, the food had been amazing, the drinks only marginally overpriced, in fact for this part of town they were practically cheap. All in all as far as work dos went it was pretty good. That couldn't stop her constantly checking her omni-tool though, desperate to know if Nicola had made it home. She knew her ship had made it to Arcturus the day before yesterday but from there the crew would split ways, seeking passage on any ship or shuttle that would get them to the right planet in time to spend the holidays with their loved ones.

"My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful woman in here. Wanna buy some drinks with their money?" Trish spun round, ready to lay into the poor unfortunate soul who had dared to interrupt her musings, pulling up short when she was confronted by mischievous brown eyes and the traditional smirk. She barely managed to restrain herself from jumping the marine, taking an involuntary step forward before keeping her distance to give her eyes room to roam over the vision before her.

"Does that pick up line actually work?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure yet. It's either 100% effective or 0% still waiting to find out." Trish was dimly aware of the admission that she was the first person Shepard had tried the line on but her brain was distracted by something else she'd seen in her initial inspection but failed to properly process at the time.

"What is that?"

"Wrapping paper."

"Well thank you Captain Obvious. Is there a reason it's around your arms?" Nicola emphatically pointed a finger, providing a brief warning that she was about to state a rather pedantic point.

" **Not** captain, I'd have my insignia on my shoulders if I was a captain." She shrugged, letting her finger drop back down. "Some of the lads thought I should be more festive and I refuse to wear a silly hat." Trish silently vowed to make sure her marine ended up wearing a silly hat at some point during the holidays before suddenly experiencing a strange sense of deja vu. She run a finger experimentally over the gift wrap, seeing if Shepard would say or do anything to stop her. The only thing that happened was her grin got broader.

"Is this supposed to be my early christmas present?" The hand attached to the arm she wasn't holding suddenly disappeared into a pocket, reappearing a moment latter with a small wrapped _something_.

"Well originally it was supposed to be this, but I guess your plan works too. Your choice, which one do you want?" Blue eyes flicked calculatingly between the tiny parcel, the ridiculously wrapped bicep and her girlfriend's face.

"Whichever one I choose now I still get the other one as well right?"

"Mhmm, on the 25th." The brunette froze incredulously for a moment before darting into action.

"Well that settles it, I'm not waiting that long! I'll have this one tonight thank you." She run her finger down Nikki's arm, using her nail to pierce a slit through the wrapping paper, keeping her gaze on her partner's face and watching as her grin grew bigger and bigger until there was no more room for expansion. When she reached the end of the paper her eyes followed Nikki's as they flicked teasingly down to her arm. She doubted she'd be able to pass the involuntary gasp off as a sigh, but she did her best to make her voice sound closer to exasperated disappointment than giddy pride as she stated: "This is becoming a habit."

"What, being promoted?"

"Not _telling_ me you've been promoted." Shepard had the decency to look a little bashful.

"Originally it was only acting Sergeant, I didn't say anything incase I was demoted back to Corporal before I saw you. They didn't make it official until we reached Arcturus yesterday." Trish wasn't stupid, she knew they would have shipped out with the right number of Sergeants and the only reason for a temporary promotion would be if Nikki's predecessor had been killed or badly wounded. Once again she found herself wondering just how much combat Shepard was finding herself in but she tucked the knowledge away for future use, instead of making a big deal of it.

"That explains a lot... I take it you're only an Acting adult as well? You certainly seem to get demoted back to big kid often enough." There was a pleased laugh of agreement.

"There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. Now speaking of grown ups, you never did answer my question about getting a drink."

"Oh that's right, you were attempting to be some random person picking me up in a bar weren't you... I'm sorry I'm seeing someone at the moment." The soldier's face fell.

"Oh, Ah, right... Sorry... Umm" Trish cursed herself as she saw the multitude of expressions streaming across Nikki's face, fist briefly tensing at her side before being forced loose. "I, uh... " Trish caught her hand, halting her.

"I've not seen her for 9 months but she said she'd be waiting for me at home tonight." Realization dawned across her face.

"Really? What's she like?"

"Hmm, about your height, black hair, beautiful brown eyes. I'm **told** she has an awesome sense of humour and I **know** she has no taste in TV."

"She sounds great."

"Well... She has her faults too. Keeps turning up on different days or places than we agreed on, **never** tells me when she gets a promotion..."

"Terrible, dump her, go out with me instead." Trish laughed, thankful her ill-considered tease hadn't ended badly.

...

"Nikki!" The soldier's arms flailed helplessly as she was enveloped in a massive hug by Trish's mother who had emerged from the house to greet them. A desperate glance towards her girlfriend revealed no small amount of amusement and absolutely zero aid. Tentatively she responded with an awkward pat on the back and managed to secure her release. "When Trish told me that you- well... It's good to see you again. Merry Christmas."

"And to you." They made it into the house before being attacked once more, this time by a streak of orange fur threading between their legs. Trish picked up the mewling creature fussing it until it broke free and stalked its way over to Nikki, rubbing a soft head over her legs.

"You know Trish, I think this is the first time you've brought someone home that Mufasa hasn't hissed at."

"Hear that? The cat likes you Nick, you must be a keeper."

"Oh good, if he didn't were you going to dump me?"

"No chance, usually he hates just about everyone."

...

"I think I broke the cat! Is it supposed to make this noise?"

"What noise!?" Trish's head appeared round the living room door in concern.

"Like a mark two eezo engine with a faulty capacitor." Trish hurried closer, kneeling down beside where they sat on a sofa to listen to the cat before slapping her partner lightly on the arm.

"That's purring Nikki! Didn't you ever have a cat as a kid?" A shake of the head was her sole reply. "Any pets at all?" Another shake.

"I had _brothers_ , if they count?" Trish laughed.

"I said pets not animals, pets are supposed to be tame." The cat suddenly got up and raced towards the front door, despite having ignored the entry of the vast majority of the Stewart clan so far.

"Hi cat, still not dead?" A gravelly voice intoned.

"STEVEN! How many times have I told you not to speak to Mufasa like that!"

"I thought you said he wasn't coming?" Nikki whispered to Trish urgently as the siblings discussed the perceived inappropriateness of wearing a uniform in the house versus the definite lack of acceptability of an Admiral being seen on a troop transport in a christmas jumper.

"I said we never **know** whether or not he's coming to anything until on the day."

"Well this isn't going to be awkward at _all.._."

"Relax Nick, he'll be fine."

"Easy for you to say, are we going to spend next Christmas with your boss? Look I'm sure your Uncle Steve is a great guy, but Admiral Hackett is scary. You know the troops call him 'The Hatchet' right?" She trailed off as he entered the room, Mufasa curled contentedly in the crook of his neck and pawing at the shoulder of his freshly donned dark green xmas jumper. Despite the multitude of relatives in the room he still seemed to notice them instantly.

"Shepard."

"Sir." With them both out of uniform there was no need to salute but there was still a respectful inclining of heads.

"Knock it off you two, no rank in the house." Trish's mum said as she bustled in behind her brother, still on a high from her recent victory in the clothing war.

"Give the kid a break Molly, they don't cover Christmas-ing with an Admiral in basic."

"Thank you Sir."

"What did I just say Nicola?"

"Come on! That's just generic respect! Trish used to call my dad Sir all the time and he was a civilian."

"I used to call your dad 'Thomas' Nick."

"Yeah, eventually." She shook her head with a sigh but the quirk at the corner of her lips gave her away as she grumbled: "All those times I took your side against your mum when we were teens and this is how you repay me... Just wait until the next time you need help with anything."

"Hey Nick can you give me a hand in the kitchen?"

"Sure what do you need?" The soldier asked, standing.

"To prove a point." Shepard's face dropped as she realised she'd been played, she was too busy mock pouting to notice the almost smile on the admiral's face.

"That's it, I'm taking the cat for a walk."

...

"A couple of ideas spring to mind but I'd have to take a look at it to know for sure. What wheels are you using?" Trish smiled as Nikki chatted away about cars with her cousin Sean, the mechanic in her shining through. The civilian was just glad to see her relax around her family. Well... mostly. She hadn't missed the occasional glances shot between her favourite uncle and favourite marine when they thought the other wasn't looking during dinner, speaking of which...

"How's my favourite niece doing?" She wrapped the man in question in a hug before answering.

"Very well, very happy."

"I noticed. Now this girlfriend of yours, I don't suppose she plays chess?" Trish laughed in relief, for a horrible moment she'd thought the conversation was going to devolve into one of _those_ talks.

"Not yet and no, you can't teach her. There's a reason you never had to serve a posting as an instructor in your career **ever**!"

"I seem to remember doing a pretty good job teaching you to beat your daddy."

"Yes and now I get to use those skills to beat you. Do you want to play best of three or best of five?"

"I guess that depends how many boards your mum has in the house."

"Come on, can't you two play a game the rest of us can join in with for once?" Another relative inquired. More people joining in the debate until they finally reached a collective decision.

"Nikki, do you want to play?" Trish called out, waving the box lid for Summam Beli for clarification but only receiving a blank look of confusion in return.

"What is it?"

"Turian strategy board game." Sean informed her. "Think galactic scale Risk but a lot more complex. That's the 2160 edition, it contains 'a new playable race and human territories'."

"Sure, why not. Anyone got a copy of the rules?" Molly searched noisily inside the games cupboard before pulling out a bigger, heavier companion box and passing it over, the marine opening the lid to reveal a solitary item. "Well shiiii-uuugar... I think even the regs are smaller than that!"

"Only just." Hackett confirmed as Shepard started skim reading.

"Steve what race do you want to play?"

"Oh I can adapt to any of them, why don't the civilians pick first."

"Nick what about you, want to choose a race?" Nikki looked up from halfway through the chapter on race specific bonuses.

"You heard the man, civilians first." She went back to her reading, determined to at least not be the first to lose, until finally there were only two class options left. Despite still being a little wary of her girlfriend's uncle she couldn't help but ask him: "So batarian or turian... Wouldn't it be considered treason if you help either of them capture Earth?"

...

 **Author's Note:**

Well, that's the last chapter of the year. Hackett's actions and reactions were a lot easier to predict and write in his first appearance but hopefully you like it. Also for the record, Trish and Hackett's idea of 'best of three chess games' is three played simultaneously not consecutively, because they're that hard core, hence the enquiry about the number of boards. All that's left is to wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, solstice or any other winter (or summer if you're in the Southern hemisphere) holiday you may or may not subscribe to and I'll see you all (metaphorically speaking) in the New Year.


	24. Summam Beli

_Note to self: make sure the krogan and turians never form an alliance._ Hackett thought as Thessia fell to a classic pincer movement. _They would be unstoppable._

It wasn't surprising that Trish would help her girlfriend navigate the tricky intricacies and sharp learning curve that was Summam Beli. What **had** been surprising however was how much of the inquiring eye flicks had been initiated by the novice player. What had started as Trish suggesting Shepard move that piece over to that space had quickly evolved into the soldier asking: _what if I go here and you go there, then when they do that we'll do this, would that work?_ All to frequently Trish would give a subtle nod, _yes it would, let's do it_. On one occasion she shook her head instead, receiving a faint frown of confusion in return. Hackett was extremely interested to see how his niece would manage to convey the fact that a salarian special forces team had disappeared on that spot eight moves ago and was waiting for people to forget about them so they could launch an ambush using just her eyes when a look of understanding crossed Nikki's face, signaling she'd remembered on her own and she preceded to outline an alternative plan.

The admiral was beginning to wonder whether she was a ringer. Even with Trish's tutelage early in the game and the rulebook sat beside her, a mere novice shouldn't be able to pick up the complexities of the game this quickly. It would be more believable if the youngster was an officer, the academy would have taught her enough about battlefield strategy that she could adapt to fit within the confines of the game's structure and rules, but an enlisted marine? He could certainly see how she'd got the battlefield promotion if she was as quick thinking in the field.

The part of him that had faithfully served the Alliance for over 20 years couldn't help wonder if she was wasted in a mechanic's role. He forced his mind away from that train of thought; the moment Molly had found out about Corporal Shepard she had made him promise not to interfere either way, to allow both the soldier's career and his niece's relationship to progress naturally, no sabotage and no helping hands.

 _Looks like Trish didn't get the memo about not helping,_ he thought wryly as Sur'Kesh fell.

The best bit was that the rest of the players seemed completely oblivious to the genius that was being concocted above their heads. Attention fixed firmly on the armies on the board or distracted by snacks and goings on outside the table, instead of focusing on their fellow generals and their talking eyes.

...

It had to be the unluckiest sequence of dice throws in Stewart gaming history as Trish failed first her clans cohesion check, causing a civil war among her pieces, and then the majority of her regeneration throws, seeing her formerly unstoppable army wipe itself almost to extinction. With the nearest krogan support on the other side of the galaxy, Shepard became a purely turian problem, and Hackett had plenty of experience defeating turians. Of course he wasn't so presumptuous as to forget that **these** turians were being commanded by a human, so he wasn't taken by surprise by the exceedingly un-turian move Shepard pulled. It might even have worked against another player at the table, but it would be a poor day when an Alliance Admiral was bested by a sergeant in a game of strategy.

Still she fought back well, and with Trish practically out of the game, the few other remaining Stewarts took the opportunity to gang up and attempt to enact vengeance for several years of batarian military slights and multiple decades of Hackett gaming superiority. He was privately pleased with the way Shepard took advantage of the chaos to regroup and rebuild, it showed a level of planning that was sadly lacking from their civilian opponents whose spontaneous and uncoordinated assault had amounted to little more than suicide.

They did make a noticeable dent in his forces however and with Trish still engaged in her own private battle with the dice it would be interesting to see Shepard's reaction. If she was overawed by his success defending on multiple fronts she would stay focused on claiming the now empty territories and improving her own forces, but if she was smart she would attack while he was still weakened and not allow him the same chance to rebuild. Of course, Hackett wasn't an Alliance legend for nothing. If this were truly the mechanic's first time playing Summam Beli (and assuming she didn't have a photographic memory) then...

There were multiple other ways he could win if she didn't go for it of course, but this would be the quickest resolution. He spread his forces out to cover more planets as if to rebuild quicker, over reaching in one quadrant that unfortunately left him vulnerable if for some _bizarre_ reason she chose not to consolidate her own position.

He could see the hesitation as she noticed it. The doubt that it could be a genuine mistake and the scrolling through an internal checklist of possible countermoves on his part. He didn't let anything slip through the poker face he'd worn all game.

"Why do I get the feeling this is a trap?" She queried as she finished moving the last of her pieces, despite undoubtedly having run the same mental simulations he had and concluding that nothing short of exceptionally unlucky dice could prevent her victory. _Well, bad dice or..._

"You should trust your gut more."

"What did I miss?"

"Class attributes I'm afraid. Know your enemy, but before that know yourself. You're leading turian troops on an ice world."

"Cold, of course. Well played."

"And you, I have a hard time believing that was your first game?"

"Ah well, I've not played _Summam Beli_ before, but I **have** played Kal'asi and Corock-so, I noticed enough similarities to not be completely useless."

...

"Well I survived, I'm totally taking that as a win." Nikki stated as they settled into bed. Trish smiled and pulled her close enough to plant a chaste kiss.

"You did more than survive sweetheart, you impressed him too."

"I'm not sure I'd go that far."

"You know he asked me to teach you to play chess?"

"Please no, that's horrifying! One on one with... just no! Please?" Trish chuckled at her partner's reaction. "Hang on! I **know** how to play chess!"

"Do you now?"

"Yes! Set up the pieces on the board, white moves first, both players take turns moving a piece at a time and then **YOU** win." Trish couldn't help another soft laugh as she snuggled closer.

"That's the basic principle yes."

...

 **Author's note:**

I know I know, I said no more updates until the New Year but there was a request for more of the Risk style board game and I got ideas for it and so I ran with it. See what happens when you write reviews. I did think about giving Shepard the batarians to play with, especially since it would have the First Contact vet playing turian. However I started thinking about what Trish was up to and I couldn't miss the chance of some foreshadowing.


	25. Chapter 25

"Well ain't that a sight to inspire confidence eh Badger? Final boarding call and there's a mechanic still fiddling with our ride." Nikki popped her head out, smiling at the familiar voices. All the vehicles being used in this op had been signed off as fit for duty when they'd first come back aboard and had yet to see any combat this year. Add to that the fact that she'd personally conducted Preventive Maintenance servicing on each and every one of them since then and she **knew** there was nothing wrong with any of them.

She also knew there would be more than a couple of the troop leaders who either trusted her word, or were just too plain stupid and lazy to bother with the BDA (Before, During and After operation) checks but she wasn't one of them. If she was on a ground crew she always carried out checks on her vehicle, no matter how many times she'd signed off on it in the workshop beforehand. The whole convoy was already set up in drop formation in the cargo bay and marines were finally making their way to their assigned places, some in drips and drabs carrying their gear with them like her two squad mates, and others already fully suited and booted, the whole squad walking together like the crew of the Grizzly next to hers.

"Aww shit, I'm not stuck with you again am I? Hey Harris! Your squad's looking awful green, I'll swap you two old hats for a couple raw recruits." The man in question glanced over.

"Who've you got in mind?"

"Taylor and May."

"Hell no! I'll take the rookies any day. I like to reach the battle with my sanity and eardrums intact."

"Aww, come on Killjoy, you know you love us really."

"That's **Sergeant** Killjoy to you Taylor. Watch yourself Shepard, don't let them near the radio controls or they'll have the volume limiters switched off before you can blink." Harris disappeared, his men following him inside and Nicola pulled on her gauntlets, finally noticing a new face standing nervously behind May.

"Hey Badger, whose the greenhorn?"

"Private Lambert, Rodgers replacement. Lambert meet 'Triple-check' Shep."

"He only calls me that cos he can't count higher than three."

"Damn did I hear that right? We got sheep **and** lambs in this tin can? We must be heading to a slaughter." Nikki refrained herself an eyeroll as Bulsara came round the corner, explaining the difference between sheep and shepherds was not worth it, besides she suspected he already knew and she could see Lieutenant Deacon coming up not far behind.

"Sir. " _Just my luck to end up with a butterbar in my truck._ She watched the officer run what he probably hoped would look like a critical eye over the vehicle but it was clear he didn't have a clue what he was looking at.

"Is she good to go?" Shepard nodded and Deacon and Bulsara sequestered themselves away in the front driver's compartment, leaving the rest of the squad to squeeze into the back.

"I never know what's worse, an officer navigating or the idea that they might decide to try and drive."

"At least all he's got to do this time is follow the tank in front."

"Pfft, I bet a hundred credits we end up lost and separated from the unit."

"I ain't taking that bet."

...

Everybody handled the ride out to an op differently; the checkers engaged in an endless cycle of equipment checks starting with their rifle, moving onto pistols and any other weapons, omni-tools, ammo pouches, environmental suit seals, backup shield generators and back onto the rifle. Once or twice was fair enough but some of these guys managed twenty or thirty cycles between the drop point and the target location.

Then there were the chatterers, spewing a constant verbal diarrhea of shit, whether it be speculation about the current mission, recollections of a past mission or some random meaningless crap about their life. The strong silent types needed no explanation although they seemed to come in two main categories; the ones exuding calm confidence and the ones that were just plain creepy. Then of course there were people like the ones she was currently confined with.

Shepard watched Taylor jam away on an invisible drum kit, Badger displaying an impressive air guitar beside him, it wasn't long before her head started bobbing to the beat as she tried to imagine the sound they weren't making. The duo laughed when they noticed, not at all fazed when she flipped them the finger and she turned to the only other person in the vehicle.

"You alright there Lambert?"

"Nah, battle virgin." Came the interruption before he could reply for himself. "Don't worry pork chop, when the bullets start flying at you you'll be too pumped to be scared." Shepard shook her head in despair.

"You **do** know that pork and lamb are supposed to taste different right?"

"Not in Alliance ration packs they don't." Shepard chuckled with the rest of them, she'd have to give them that one. However before she could come back with another retort Lambert finally joined in with a completely different conversation.

"What do you think happened to the pioneer team?"

"Well I'm not paid to think-" Badger mock glared at the snide 'just as well'. " **But** , I'd put my money on slavers."

"Certainly a lot of the bastards about these days. Hey Sarge, you ready to kill some more batarians?"

"I'm **always** ready to bring down slavers, whatever the species." While she had every right to hold a prejudice against batarians it always surprised her how willing others were to overlook the presence of krogan, turian and even human mercenaries during the assault on Elysium.

"Is it true they don't have hearts?" The more experienced squad members smirked at Lambert's naivety, taking the opportunity to have some fun at the kid's expense and test the boundaries of his gullibility. It took more than a few minutes for Shepard to remember she was _supposed_ to be the responsible one.

"Alright, alright that's enough. Ignore their bull Lambert. Batarians have hearts, but it's on the right side, slightly lower down than on humans. They also have smaller gaps between the ribs, it's more like a sheet of bone than a cage. Add to that the armour and shielding... You're much better off aiming for the head, right between the top eyes. Unless you're fighting hand to hand in which case you want to stick an omni-blade through the top left eye..." She trailed off at their expressions. "What? Didn't you guys get taught this shit at boot?"

"35 degrees." Taylor backed her up, everyone's attention jumping to him. "Ideally you want the omni-blade to penetrate the eye at a 35 degree angle. Gunny Ellison right?"

"Yeah, that man was real keen on making sure you remembered what killed humans might not work on other species."

"Did he have any advice on krogan?" Taylor and Shepard glanced at each other before stating in perfect sync:

"Run like hell and hope your shields hold up!"

...

"So why Badger?" Lambert asked, the carefree attitude of the rest of the squad was finally breaking down his barriers, allowing him to relax and his confidence to build. May's face visibly lit up at the prospect of someone new to tell the tale to.

"Well, I was posted out on Tiptree..." Taylor and Shepard shared a silent glance, Nikki holding up seven fingers, Taylor merely shook his head indicating he had her beat, then flashed all ten fingers before holding up another two, _twelfth variation_.

{How's everyone doing back there Sergeant?} Lieutenant Deacon's voice came over her private comms. Shepard took another quick look round the back, Lambert looked like he was about to throw up from Badger's latest origin story.

"We're all good Sir."

{Good. Tell the men we're five kli- no wait, four klicks out from the beacon}

"Roger." She cut the connection and turned to the rest of the squad. "Game faces on, we're nearly at target."

"Fuck's sake, I just got to the good bit." Badger grumbled but carried out orders anyway.

{Approaching-} The vehicle trembled, comms cutting out without warning at the same time as they were lifted into the air, all they could do was tuck their chins against their chest and brace themselves against the sides as they tumbled back towards the ground at completely the wrong angle. Shepard's eyes widened as she caught sight of the metal bubbling just behind Taylor's head and she pushed him out the way just as it melted completely, leaving a hole of daylight visible.

" **Move!** Everybody out!" The training kicked in as they exited the vehicle, immediately looking to set up security. Shepard checked inside the driver's compartment as she passed but a quick peek was enough to confirm that neither of the grisly remains would be joining them. Once in cover her eyes fully roved the battlefield, a handful of Grizzlies were still mobile, turret guns firing at the towering monster, but the majority were in the same situation as her own. Upturned, the crews scurrying around like ants.

"What the fuck is that thing Sarge?" Lambert quavered and she couldn't begrudge him the fear audible in his voice. A glance behind revealed the grim and determined faces of Taylor and May with their weapons at the ready. Safeties off, trigger fingers straight, awaiting her orders. She had a job to do and the first stage in accomplishing it was making sure everybody believed it was possible.

"I don't know, but it sure as fuck ain't slavers. When we get back you better pay up Badger."

...

 **Author's note:** Apologies for any inaccuracies or moments of unbelievability. I'm not sure when the next updates will be I'm currently writing the next 4 chapters simultaneously depending on which one I'm in the right mood to handle. In case you hadn't noticed Shepard's squad names come from a certain group of rock royalty and there's a few extra references to the band thrown in too. I'm not entirely sure why, but I already had Badger so my strange and twisted brain considered it a logical step. It's just the names I stole however, the personalities and actions are in no way a reflection of their namesakes.


	26. Akuze

Anderson strode through the maze of corridors with purpose, people moving out of his way in a sea of salutes. The ship he was attached to had been about to embark on a routine patrol when he'd been pulled from the detail without warning and without explanation, usually that meant something had happened somewhere else that the normal troops couldn't handle and they needed an N7 to fix it.

As he neared the briefing room he was surprised at just how many familiar faces were present. It looked as if every active N7 not currently on assignment was there, queuing up to be relieved of their weapons before entry. He knew without a doubt that it would be a very slow queue and that was before he saw the argument at the front.

"You'd think he'd learn you can't take weapons into a brass briefing by now, but every time he argues about that damn knife." A familiar voice said behind him and he greeted the latest addition to the queue without turning.

"Ryder."

"Anderson." Years of practice had him able to withstand the urge to fidget in frustration or boredom but as they continued to NOT move in the static queue he reached for anything to fill the empty time with, even if it had to be something as mundane as small talk.

"So... How's the kids doing? Sara and... Scott wasn't it?"

"Yeah. They're good. Growing up far too quickly for my liking though..."

...

"Gentlemen, ladies, thank you all for coming. I'll get straight to the point, four days ago members of the 108th marine corps responded to a distress beacon on the planet Akuze, fifty marines went down to check it out, only one made it back. What you're about to see is helmet cam footage from that engagement, it's not pretty, but it's all the details we've got on this new threat. We're trying to talk to the other council races, see if any of them have encountered it or anything like it before, but in the mean time we need to come up with a strategy to use against them in the future."

"What are the chances he means: 'as soon as you come up with a viable plan we're sending you in'?" Came the quiet mutter from the back as the techs queued up the video footage for playback.

...

"There. Possible weak spot." Ryder called, shining a laser pointer on his omni-tool at the screen. The techs paused and then rewound the footage, everyone concentrating on the highlighted area as the battle resumed.

"Good catch. Mark that spot as a probable." The 3d holo-model off to one side of the main screen acquired a shiny new red targeting dot but it looked very lonely on the seemingly impenetrable enemy. The helmet cam they were watching suddenly ceased moving, the marine wearing it diving out of the way of an acid spit and into cover at the last possible moment.

"You crazy Sarge?" came the inquiry from the man already occupying the small crater.

"Maybe. Cover me a moment I think I saw something." She ran back out, firing a burst of rifle fire on her way to the dubitable cover of a melted M29 chassis. Switching her ammo over to tracer rounds she activated the unit wide comm: "Concentrate fire on my target."

She leant out to fire and Anderson noticed humorless smiles appear on the faces of several audience members as the bullets illuminated a path straight to Ryder's weak spot. It had been a good catch from the safety of a briefing room but to have noticed it in the midst of the chaos and carnage of the battlefield was even more impressive. The remaining marines switched their aim to target the same spot and the monster disappeared back under ground. However any relief the combatants might have felt was short lived as it popped back up in the foxhole she'd so recently vacated, what looked vaguely like a human body visible in its jaws.

"Orlov! Fuck!" The moment of audible frustration was brief, quickly replaced by small arms fire and a hastily thrown grenade that didn't seem to do anything against the beast other than get its attention. She had to dodge another acid spit and kept running, zigzagging randomly as she radioed: "If that bastard grabs you, you're already dead. Try and throw a grenade down its throat on your way!" She slid behind a rock formation, a marine who'd been providing covering fire for her ducking back in response to another projectile vomit of acid flying in their direction.

"I think you made it angry Shepard."

"Really Badger? I hadn't noticed." As they crouched down, Shepard catching her breath and Badger waiting for his rifle to cool down, sustained fire from another direction caught the monster's attention, undoubtedly saving their lives as it turned to face the more pressing threat. "I think we need bigger guns."

"Echo squad had the new Storm shotgun, you wanna get up close and personal with that thing be my guest."

"I was thinking bigger than that."

"Now what's she looking for?" An N7 murmured quietly to their little group as the camera panned around. A telltale flash of blue light caught their attention and the camera was moving, running across the battlefield before hunkering down beside another marine.

"Lim! Reckon you can flip a Grizzly?"

"I can try."

"Good, on me." The head lifted slightly, scanning the assorted debris, presumably noting things the video viewers weren't privy to because suddenly an arm pointed out at one of the M29s: "There, that one." A quick check that the monster was still otherwise engaged and then they were treated to another running cam sequence.

"Wait a second." Shepard entered the front compartment and started fiddling with wires and turning dials in a manner that was not only untranslatable to Anderson but seemed absolutely ludicrous in the middle of a firefight. He was aware of quiet whispers a few rows over as a couple of the engineers tried to figure out what she was doing. "Ok, Badger I want you on turret. Lim if I'm right, the moment you flip the IFV it's gonna be gunning for us, you can jump in or run like hell but whatever you decide, do it fast."

"I'm with you Sarge." The video bounced as the Sergeant nodded an acknowledgement and then the whole world seemed to turn upside down as she clambered awkwardly into the driver's seat, strapping herself into the harness so gravity wouldn't pull her straight back out. The biotic looked at her incredulously. "You sure you want to be in there when I flip it Sarge? I don't even know if I can."

"Well I'm not gonna be able to climb in and get her started up in time afterwards." Was the answer as she double checked the vehicle was in neutral. "You guys ready? We're only gonna have one shot at this." They signaled their confirmation and the world tilted once more, this time accompanied by a bluish tinge. As soon as the wheels touched the planet's surface the marine's hands were moving, hitting the starter button and as soon as was feasibly possible switching to first gear.

"In."

"In." As soon as the second confirmation was uttered she put her foot down, pulling away fast and only just in time, the radar suddenly showing a new contact appear out of nowhere in the position they'd held just moments ago. There was a sharp cry of alarm and muffled swearing from the back.

"Status?"

"Shield's are still at 98% but there's a fucking hole through the armour!" Lim reported.

"You hit?"

"Negative." The next half hour was witness to some of the most intense and impressive combat driving Anderson had ever seen. The sergeant switching seamlessly between aggressive and defensive driving strategies as required, depending on the gunner's calls of 'Ready', 'Firing' or 'Cooling'. The only other chatter inside the vehicle was Lim's updates on direction and distance as they desperately awaited any sign of where the burrowing monster would surface after its many disappearances. The dancing and dodging of beast and acid came to an abrupt halt when Shepard suddenly pulled hard on the steering wheel, only just avoiding being impaled by the rising monster.

"Shit! Fucker's learning my moves!"

"Then do something it won't expect!" He couldn't speak for their adversary, but if the muffled cursing was anything to go by, Anderson was willing to bet that the crew of the M29 certainly didn't expect to suddenly be hurtling at great speed, in a straight line, directly towards the monster. To their credit they may well have set a new Alliance record for the time it took for the turret to adjust its aim and resume firing.

...

At long last the monster fell dead. Exhaustion was the primary emotion on the crew's face as they clambered out the Grizzly, other survivors limping over to join them, a disbelieving sense of wonder that they had succeeded hanging in the air. From the once fifty strong platoon there was a mere sixteen soldiers left, each one bloodied and tired. It took a few moments of looking at the assembled privates and corporals before her for Shepard to realise what Anderson had already noticed, she was the highest ranking person left alive. The camera rose as she pulled herself back to her feet, offering brief congratulations before issuing them with new orders.

"Hopkins, Washington, I want you to keep eyes on that thing. For all we know it could have some krogan style regenerative, voodoo magic shit. It so much as twitches, start shooting and the rest of us will join in." The marines in question nodded, unslinging their assault rifles as they went to find a better vantage point. "Stitches, crack open the medi-gel and get to work. Langton, Jellicoe, McLeod check if there's any more survivors and make sure there's no sensitive information left in the vehicles. While you're at it gather any grenades, water or medi-gel you find. Blondeel reestablish comms with the ship and give them a sitrep. The rest of you establish a perimeter best you can and stay alert, I want a two man crew in that Grizzly at all times, who knows what else this delightful tourist spot has waiting for us. Badger with me."

"What's the plan Shep?" He inquired quietly once they were out of hearing range of the others. "You know they can't extract us from here." The video footage bobbed once more as she nodded.

"The drop point was the nearest LZ the analysts could find, we need to get back there. You saw the state of the men, no way they can hump it that far, and even if we strap people to the roof we're not all going to fit in one Grizzly. We find some more that still work, or failing that I'll fix one up if need be and then we get the hell out of here."

...

"Stand to! Stand to!" They had more warning the second time as they felt the ground tremble beneath their feet. Shepard rolled out from underneath the IFV she was working on, dropping her tools and pulling out her weapon. She could see the others running towards cover or climbing into turrets of any Grizzlies still standing. Any hope of repeating their previous miracle was limited however, there was something about the way their only mobile Grizzly was moving that made her doubt its current driver was up to the 'out-dodging an acid spit' level of driving.

She ran mental calculations on her current job's finish time. No, it simply wasn't possible, her vehicle would be immobile for the battle too, if she wanted maneuverability she'd have to use her legs, if she wanted decent fire power she'd have to be a sitting duck... She grabbed the extra webbing of grenades that McLeod had issued to everyone, she'd only taken hers off so she could fit underneath the chassis to work, and then clambered into the vehicle's turret, raking her eyes across the valley for any clue as to where the monster would surface.

She caught sight of Badger running towards her, still lugging the heavy machine gun she'd sent him to strip off one of the crippled M29s. The mounted gun's cooldown times had been the biggest problem in their earlier fight and they had decided to jury-rig an extra weapon onto the turrets of their chosen extraction vehicles. But it was too late now, he'd be better off dropping the excess weight so he could run faster.

Even as she thought it another idea entered her head, they were the furthest away from the beacon that had originally been their objective what felt like a lifetime ago, a mere twenty meters away the ground started sloping up into the side of the valley, and so far she'd only ever seen their adversaries surface from flat ground. If they took the HMG up there, they'd have better firepower than their assault rifles, better chance of dodging on their legs than inside the stationary turret and plenty of rock cover everywhere to hide behind. Of course the plan's viability depended on the enemy's actions.

A mere six hours ago she wouldn't have spared a second thought to the subtle change she felt around her, in fairness she didn't think twice this time either, wasting no time on analyzing what it was her senses had picked up on, but merely responding instinctively to the threat, dropping down into the interior gunner's seat with a speed and precision that could only be accomplished by the muscle memory from a hundred training hours or a single near death experience.

Her quick reflexes saved her, she undoubtedly would have been killed if her head was still sticking out the cupola as the vehicle rolled over 450 degrees. Fortunately the angle left her with an escape point and she managed to crawl out the metal tomb, dragging her rifle with her. Concussion was still a serious concern however and Badger arrived on the scene to find her disorientated, covered in dozens of small cuts and bruises but alive. Aware how lucky they'd been that the monster had kept going and not stopped to inflict further damage, and mindful of how quickly the situation could change, he helped get her into the cover of the nearest rock formation on the slope, sitting her down before holding up a hand.

"Shepard! How many fingers?" He was perturbed when her gaze stayed distant instead of focusing on him, but then she reached up and grabbed him, rolling them both to the side as acid struck their former hiding spot. He saw the paint ripple on his arm, then the ceramics begin to melt and he quickly ripped off his bracer before the acid could reach his skin, thankful that it had merely been splash damage and not a direct hit. An involuntary scream of pain drew his attention down and he'd swear he froze for several long minutes at the sight of a patch of Shepard's armour bubbling.

Fortunately the rest of the world must have frozen with him because when the Alliance reviewed the helmet footage there was only a split second of hesitation before he scrambled into action, unlocking the relevant suit clasps as easily as if they were his own and peeling off her chest plate, revealing the reddening skin of her lower abdomen already attempting to blister. He upended three canteens of water, attempting to wash away the acid before it could make it's way deeper into the sergeant's body and ripping open an entire pouch of medi-gel, it spilling haphazardly onto the wound.

"I'm fine. Go." The pain was evident in her voice as she spoke through gritted teeth and he shook his head. "That was an order! Move!" He followed the angle of her eyes in time to see one of the two monsters heading their way and had to admit if he stayed there they'd both die. Even if by some miracle it changed direction, the pair of them couldn't defeat the giant beasts alone, especially not on foot. If he joined the others maybe they had a chance of killing the enemy first. Maybe he could even lead it away from Shepard, then he could deal with her stubborn ass later. Decision made he pressed the medkit into her hands.

"Don't you dare die." Picking up his rifle he turned and raced towards the heavy machine gun that he'd abandoned mere minutes ago. Shepard fumbled with the first aid kit trying to treat her own injuries, more as a distraction from the inevitable rather than out of any real hope of survival. She never did figure out if it was her brain or body that ultimately gave out first as she slipped into unconsciousness. Even as her senses stopped receiving input, her helmet camera continued to record.

Four days and several solar systems later Anderson watched as the marine he knew of only as 'Badger' reached the usually turret mounted machine gun and lugged it out onto the flat ground of the valley floor, setting it up on some rocks and opening fire on the giant worm still approaching the unconscious sergeant. It disappeared into the earth and knowing what would happen next Badger stood and ran, zigzagging and praying that he'd be able to relocate before it broke the surface. His prayers went unanswered as the ground beneath him broke and he raised up into the air, staring into the very jaws of hell. The adrenaline coursing through his veins allowed his brain to store every sensory detail of the experience, despite no longer having a need to; He would never have a chance to recollect it. Even with his odds of surviving at zero, he didn't give up, performing one last act for his comrades, priming one of the grenades on his webbing. When it went off it triggered a chain explosion with the rest of his miniature armory, ripping the creature apart from the inside.

His sacrifice helped level the playing field for the final round to one acid worm versus nine marines. Unfortunately with subpar weaponry, immobile vehicles and no leadership the result was a foregone conclusion.


	27. Hospital

It hurt so much to see her marine bruised and battered in a hospital bed, it had only been a handful of weeks since she saw her last, laughing and joking and full of life, _No!_ Trish reminded herself, looking at the ECG monitor: _She's still alive._ Despite the steady pattern she had to look away from the screen, filled with an irrational fear that that if she stared too long it would flatline like in the vids. How could a year with limitless potential go downhill so quickly? Her co-workers hadn't even had time to break their New Year's resolutions yet.

Work had been pretty good about the whole thing really, legally they hadn't had to give her any time off at all. Well technically they hadn't, but at least they'd let her work from home instead of the office and well... people used to say 'home is where the heart is' so she worked from Nikki's hospital room. Tried to anyway. It was hard to stay focused. She knew she wouldn't concentrate any better at the office though, at least here when the worry and insecurity took her she could look up and check the monitors.

The nurses had been amazing as well. There was accommodation set up for family members of patients elsewhere in the same wing, but most the time she fell asleep in the room, waking up with a blanket round her. They only kicked her out when they needed to change the bandages or perform other medical duties. She couldn't help wonder how much of that was standard practice or if she was getting special treatment because of her uncle, but right now she didn't care.

...

Nikki awoke with some confusion, her last conscious sight and her next completely at odds with each other. Her beleaguered brain just about processed that she must be in the ship med bay or an infirmary of some sort, but it short circuited when she caught sight of Trish asleep in the corner. _No! She shouldn't be here. It's not safe! She_ _ **can't**_ _be here. Is she here? Maybe I'm hallucinating._ She had to know for sure and stood cautiously, determined to march over there and find out. If Trish vanished as she got nearer or her fingers passed right through her when she tried to touch her then so be it, but she needed to know, and if she **was** real, well, in that case... She collapsed to the floor with a clatter as her traitorous body mutinied against her.

"Nikki!" Trish woke instantly at the noise, her eyes jumping automatically to the bed and then to the figure on the floor beside it. She rushed over in concern, completely forgetting about the button to summon the nurses in her haste. "Nikki, are you OK? Are you-" As soon as she was within reach the soldier grabbed hold of her arm, a fraction too tight at first but instantly loosening.

"Trish? You're real. What are you doing here? You shouldn't be- why are you here?" Shepard paused for a second as she struggled to get her thoughts in order "... **Where** is here?"

"We're at the Arcturus Military Hospital and I've been waiting for you to wake up." Trish stated simply, skipping past all the doubts she'd had that her girlfriend might not make it. "How are you feeling?"

"Numb." The answer came back after a brief moment of consideration. "They must have me on the good stuff." A hand wandered curiously towards her bandages but Trish noticed and intercepted the wayward hand with her own, intertwining their fingers and giving a reassuring squeeze. The distraction worked, Nikki's attention focusing on the point of contact.

"Do you think you can make it back to bed or should I call the nurses?" An involuntary smile threatened to break through as she saw the look of confusion as Nikki looked away from their hands and back to her face. "You fell remember?"

"I didn't fall." Nikki grumbled as she accepted Trish's help to stand. "I was attacking the floor." This time there was no stopping the quirk of her lips at the thought of such a ridiculous concept.

"Well I think the floor won."

"Didn't." Came the stubborn reply and Trish quirked an eyebrow. "Alright, we'll call it a draw." With Shepard safely tucked in bed she placed a chaste kiss to her forehead. Just as she was about to pull away the soldier gripped her arm, the look in her eyes when she glanced down almost stopped her heart. The urgency reflected in her voice as she asked:

"What about the others? How bad are they hurt? They made it right?"

" _Please don't ask me for more details Trish, I can't give them to you." Her uncle had said when she finally saw him. "That mission became classified to high heaven the moment we found out. I shouldn't even tell you this much but you need to know. You need to be prepared, Shepard... Nicola... She's the only one that made it back alive."_

She really didn't want to be the one to tell Nikki. She didn't even know **how** to tell her. For a brief cowardly moment she considered pretending she didn't know. Let someone else break the news. Someone trained in delivering messages of doom. Someone who... but she'd hesitated too long and the grip tightened on her arm.

"Trish, **tell me**."

"I'm sorry, Nick. I'm so sorry. They're dead."

"Who is?"

"Everybody Nick."

"What about Badger?" _Badger..._ as bad as it sounded she had barely given a second thought about the rest of the squad. She knew they were dead but she hadn't known them personally and she was so caught up worrying about Nikki that she hadn't thought about the wider implications. Not until she heard the name and remembered seeing the man on vid call. _He had a wife._

"I'm sorry Nick, he didn't make it."

"What about Lim? Selby?"

"They're all dead, everybody's dead Nick." She felt a tear spring in the corner of her eye as she watched understanding sink into Shepard's face like a stone. The soldier remaining dry eyed even as her gaze hardened and went distant.


	28. Trouble in paradise

At long last Nikki was discharged from hospital and allowed to come home. Trish fussed around her like a mother hen, carrying bags, opening doors and generally trying to be as helpful as possible. She was so busy trying to be useful that she missed the flicker of annoyance that passed across Nikki's features as she followed her inside. The rest of the evening saw a pattern emerge, every time Nikki went to do something Trish was right there by her side, offering to help or just straight out doing what needed to be done without consultation. The soldier remained quiet, the subtle twitch on her face the only sign of her discontent, she lasted two days before she exploded.

"STOP DOING THAT! I'M NOT A FUCKING INVALID!" Trish paled at the sudden outburst, Nicola had never raised her voice in anger at her before and all she'd done was get a cup down from the top shelf. Shepard seemed just as shocked. Her eyes screamed sorry but her mouth stayed stubbornly silent, jaw clenching in a determined line. For a moment they just stared at each other before Nikki turned to walk away, freeing Trish from her trance. The civilian darted round to block of her partner's escape.

"Oh, no. You don't get to shout at me then just run away Nikki." The marine tried to keep walking but Trish refused to back down, earning herself a sharp glare in the process. For the first time in her life she worried that Nicola might hurt her, then the soldier glanced away, running a hand through her hair. The anger evapourated leaving pure, unadulterated frustration in its wake.

"Do you have any idea how annoying that is? You acting like I can't do anything myself?" Trish looked down at the floor, she hadn't thought of it that way before, she'd just wanted to help.

"No Nick, I don't. How can I when you don't tell me?" It was the soldier's turn to stare at the ground. "I'm sorry ok? Look I'll make you a deal, I'll try not to barge in and let you do things yourself, if you promise me you'll ask for help if you need or want it with anything ok?" She looked back up and they matched each other's hesitant gaze, Nikki gave a tiny nod.

"Ok."

"Ok... and Nikki? I don't know what I'm doing here, this is all new for me too, just... Please tell me if I do something wrong... don't shout at me again."

...

Trish took off her nice warm winter coat as she entered the toasty, central heated apartment and went to turn the kettle on. She sighed in frustration as her hand reached automatically for a cup only to be met by empty air. Nikki had promised to empty the dishwasher while she was at work today. It took only a moment to pull open the machine and pick up a mug but it was the principle of the thing that bugged her. Sure she knew Nick still wasn't 100% and she made constant allowances for that, but this was well within the physio's recommended limits. At the end of the day if her girlfriend specifically said she'd do something was it so unfair to expect it to be done?

Drink made she wandered into the living room, expecting to find her partner sprawled in front of the TV but the room was dark and empty. Annoyance faded into concern as she finally spotted her, sat outside on the small balcony, staring off into the distance. Quietly sliding the glass door open, she shivered as she stepped out into the cold, a fine drizzle of rain hitting her face.

"Nikki? Why don't you come on in before you catch your dea-... self a cold." Trish suggested, catching herself part way through the sentence. She needn't have worried, Nikki didn't appear to have heard her. "Hey, you okay?" The soldier blinked, refocusing on her.

"Hmm? Yeah, just thinking."

"Maybe the rain's a good thing after all, wouldn't want your brain to overheat." She teased lightly but there was no Shepard smirk, no outraged defense or witty comeback. "Credit for your thoughts?"

"Keep your money, trust me they're not worth it."

"Sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"OK..." Trish fidgeted slightly, she never knew how to handle these situations. "Well... If you ever change your mind I'm here for you."

"Seriously, I'm fine." Nikki's lips quirked up in an imitation of a wry smile as she reached towards Trish, entwining their fingers and issuing a small kiss to the back of the hand before adding almost as an after thought: "Thanks though."

"No problem... Can you at least come be maudlin inside? You're freezing." The soldier glanced round as if only just noticing her surroundings.

"Yeah, right. Sorry."

...

Trish was used to spending months at a time apart, but she had never felt so alone in their relationship than when they were in the same room. Nikki had grown increasingly distant, both emotionally and physically. On a basic level she understood. All she knew about the 'incident' was that Shepard's squad had discovered something new and Nikki had been the only one to make it back.

Sometimes she questioned the validity of that statement. The times when she stared into her partner's eyes and struggled to see even a glimpse of her lover inside. The times she looked at that familiar face and saw nothing but a stranger. Trish wasn't a psychologist but she knew what Nikki had been through would take a toll on any mind. Oh yes she understood alright... on a basic level. That didn't stop it hurting on a personal level though.

They still shared a bed at night, but it felt like that was all they shared, and it was rare for Nikki to still be beside her when she woke. Sometimes she got up in the middle of the night to find the bed already empty, a light on under the study door. She didn't even bother going in anymore, she knew what she'd find and it was too painful to keep dragging herself through the same hopeless routine. Nikki would be sat at the desk or stood by the window, a glass of whisky in one hand, the rest of the bottle within easy reach. If Trish attempted to hug her or hold her, make any sort of physical contact, comfort her in any way, Nick would shrug her off and wordlessly move to another location. It didn't take long for Trish to take the hint and restrict herself to the doorway. It also didn't matter what she said: 'are you ok?' 'having trouble sleeping?' 'is there anything I can do?' 'nightmares again?' The answer always came back the same: "I'm fine." Requests for her to get help, pleas for her to talk, either to herself or anyone else, preferably a professional, were always returned with: "I said I'm fine Trish". She knew she wasn't fine of course, did Nikki? Surely she must know too? Trish wanted to help but she just couldn't find a way in.

It wasn't all dark and bleakness though, they still had their good days. Trish had been so hopeful the first day she came home and found flowers outside the door. She had no idea what changed within Nikki to allow it, why this was happening, particularly now. She had to take a moment to compose herself after reading the simple note: I'm sorry. I know I've been a nightmare to live with recently.

Trish felt her throat tighten in emotion as she entered the house and she nearly broke completely when she found another set of flowers in the middle of the hallway: I love you. She didn't even notice the faint smell wafting through the house until she reached the kitchen and found Nikki cooking spaghetti bolognese. Sure it wasn't the most complex or time consuming dish in the world but it was the thought that counts and besides, Nikki's bolognese was amazing.

The marine turned at the sound of her entry, nervousness clear in her eyes and Trish smiled. They actually talked over dinner. Sure it was meaningless small talk, Trish's job was too confidential and Nikki's potentially inflammatory for table talk and they could hardly talk about current affairs; not when all the news was talking about was the Anhur rebellions. Batarians and humans fighting over slavery, the Alliance and Hegemony both watching on with interest, both strictly prohibited from interfering in the independent planet's affairs by the council. That wasn't a topic Trish wanted to talk with Nick about, not when they so rarely talked. So instead they mostly discussed the latest biotiball news or the trailer for the new Blasto reboot.

"Leave the dishes." With a glass of wine in one hand, she gently tugged the marine closer. The kiss was hesitant and uncertain, Nikki still unsure of so much inside her own head. Trish could feel her floundering and tried to reassure her, both through the kiss and the hand gently caressing her cheek. It seemed to work, Shepard's confidence doubling as her lips reached in for another go. They parted once more with tentative smiles, Trish flicking her eyes towards the stairs in silent question. She didn't even realise she was holding her breath until her partner gave a small nod.

It had been so long since they'd been intimate, Trish wanted nothing more than to jump her lover right now but she forced herself to take things slow, allowing Nikki to dictate a pace she was comfortable with. Their affections remained soft and tender as the soldier cautiously unbuttoned the brunette's blouse, pressing gentle lips to each newly exposed section of flesh.

A soft moan escaped her and Trish could wait no longer, pulling off Nikki's shirt in a single motion. She couldn't help the audible gasp and sympathetic wince of her eyes as she properly saw the scars on her marine's abdomen for the first time, neither could she miss the way Nikki stiffened in response. Fingers traced the textured craters left behind by third degree acid burns, followed by soft lips pressed against the join where ghastly wound and naturally smooth skin met before the soldier pulled away.

"I'm sorry Trish, I... sorry." Nikki sat down dejectedly on the end of the bed and Trish knelt on the floor in front of her, hand softly cupping her partner's face.

"Shh, it's okay... We don't have to do anything... Please just talk to me." She felt the marine retreat further in and mentally cursed herself.

"I'm fine." She let her hand fall.

...

"Hey babe." Nikki answered the prearranged vid call promptly, looking smart and shiny in her perfectly pressed uniform.

"Hey sweetie. So... how was the first day back at work?"

"Weird." Came the response and Trish had to look pointedly at her to get her to expand. "Well, there wasn't much work involved for starters. It feels like half my day was spent with the M.O- err, the doctor." Trish smiled, she always liked it when Nikki suddenly remembered she was speaking with a civilian and started translating. She probably should remind her girlfriend that she came from a military family and was raised on acronyms, it was rare for her to need the translations, but then again where would be the fun in that.

"Got given my work pattern as well. That's going to be even stranger to get used to, they're giving me weekends off like a normal person." Trish snorted, not even thinking as a response left her mouth automatically:

"You and normal, there's two things I never expected to hear in the same sentence."

"Hey! You calling me abnormal?"

"Ah come off it Nick, you're not normal, you're not abnormal, you're just you. Face it, we'd both get bored if you were normal. So, anyway... does that mean you'll be coming home on the weekends?" There was a shrug.

"If you've not had enough of me yet."

...

"Hey babe, what's the problem?" Trish breathed a sigh of relief as Nikki stepped out of the Alliance marked skycar that had pulled up behind her stationary vehicle. For awhile she'd wondered if her girlfriend would actually show up or just send a tow truck in answer to her distress call.

"You're the mechanic, you tell me." She had dared to hope that going back to work would help with whatever issues the soldier was still silently struggling with. The sense of purpose and steady routine focusing her mind, less free time resulting in less moping time. The presence of fellow marines providing her with a support group who had similar experiences and better understanding of what she'd been through than some civilian and just maybe she'd be able to talk to them.

Trish's dreams were short lived. As the weeks passed she came to realise that the only thing about Nikki that had gotten better was her ability to hide the symptoms. She watched the soldier pull a toolbox out the back and wave the Alliance driver away, walking round the front and sticking her head under the hood to take a look. Trish knew the exact moment that she located the fault, there was a deep audible exhale.

"Really Trish? We're not kids anymore."

"No, we're adults. So why don't you act like it and talk to me?"

"Oh the irony, she tells me to act like an adult after sabotaging her own car to lure me out here. Yeah, real mature Trish."

"What? Back on Mindoir it was the only thing I could do to get you to stop and talk, so excuse me for hoping it might work again." Nikki said nothing as she pulled a torque wrench out the toolbox and started fixing the vehicle. "Look... I get why you don't want to talk to me about what happened, but can't you at least talk to me about other stuff? The day to day, what you're doing, how you feel, anything! Sometimes I feel like you're cutting me out of your life. That..." She trailed off with a sigh, not even sure if Nikki was listening. "It hurts you know? Seeing you like this and not being able to help, it physically hurts me Nick."

"Never meant to hurt you Trish." Came the soft reply but the marine didn't look up from her work.

"I know that Nick, but it's happened anyway. Whatever you're going through we can face it together. I'm not running Nick, I just need you to let me in." There was a long silence before:

"I'm not sure I know how." The civilian breathed a small sigh of relief.

"We'll figure it out, the first step is you've got to want to."

"And the second step?"

"You've got to talk to me." There was the tiniest incline of the head and Trish decided to push her luck, start with something small. "So... How's work?"

"It's..." there was a shrug. "I don't know... boring I guess." Trish kept her face neutral as her brain churned away in the background. Even though the whole point of this whole facade had been to get Nikki to talk she hadn't truly expected it to get this far. Out of all the possible scenarios she'd envisioned, the potential responses Nikki could have given, 'boring' was not one she'd planned for. "I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with it."

"So what are you thinking? Do you want to get out? Leave the Alliance?"

"Hell no! It's bad enough at the moment, stuck training apprentices. I think I'd go mad in the civilian sector." Trish struggled to get her head round the words, you're not happy in but it would be worse out? How's that even... A sneaky suspicion entered her mind.

"You want to go back out there don't you? Active duty, combat, the whole lot?" Nikki paused. For a moment she looked as if she'd accidentally revealed classified information and was awaiting a death sentence for treason. Finally she admitted:

"Yeah. Yeah I do." Trish's heart clenched in fear as she thought about her partner going back into harm's way.

"Why?"

"Because I..." There was a weary sigh, "I'm not sure I could explain it in a way that would make sense to you." She gave a wry smile before her tone suddenly became bitter. "Not that it matters. They won't even give me a damn ship posting and I know I passed the psych tests, for once in my fucking life I revised."

"Revis..." Trish repeated, barely able to process the meaning. All promises to try and stay calm during the discussion flew out the window as understanding struck: "You stupid fucking idiot Nick! You didn't think that maybe you're not getting the postings you want because they know you're not being honest with them? You can't just give a shrink the right answers! That's not how it works! And what the hell are you hiding to need to lie in the first place?"

"Nothing! I'm fine." There was no holding back the frustrated groan at the sound of that tired cliche but finally inspiration hit.

"Then prove it! If you really think you're fine then see a professional, just once! Answer every question truthfully and if they come out at the end of the session and tell me you're fine I'll never bring it up again." The internal struggle was clear on her partner's face. It was obvious she'd finally made a dent in Nikki's defense but she could still sense she was about to lose. "Why not Nick? Can't you at least tell me why you're being so stubborn about this?"

"Because I can't afford to have that shit on my record! What if they give me a medical discharge? Or ground me? Have me stuck on Earth postings for the rest of my life or..." Bingo. Finally. Trish was both relieved to have the truth out in the open at last and disappointed in herself for not guessing the truth sooner. It was so simple, so obvious, so stupid...

"We're not living in the dark ages Nick. It's not an automatic discharge anymore. If they got rid of everyone at the first sign of PTS they'd probably be down a whole fleet! You're strong Nick, you're a fighter and you're bloody stubborn, but you need to try a different tactic. It's not weak to admit you need help. Hell, after what happened they're probably just waiting for you to have a meltdown. Owning up and getting professional help might even get you a posting sooner."

"I don't know Trish, I don't know if I can take that risk."

"You don't have to go through Alliance channels, there are plenty of private sector psychiatrists who'll keep the details confidential, some of them are vets too so you don't have to worry about explaining stuff to a civilian who might not understand." She could tell Nikki had reached her limit for the day, if she kept pushing now she'd lose her again and undo all their progress, she needed to wrap things up. "Just... Think about it Nikki ok? And I don't mean say you'll think about it just to shut me up and then instantly dismiss it. Actually think about it... Please? For me."

...

Author's note:

I know I've simplified a lot of complex subject matter here for the sake of the story and also taken a few liberties with regards to the timeframes of how long these things take to develop, be recognised for what they are and the people involved to finally be willing to seek help. Having said that in the past couple of decades huge leaps have been made in the 'notice, accept, get help' process from averaging over 24 years in 1994, down to under 12 years in 2004 and apparently now averaging between 2 and 4 years for many Iraq and Afghan veterans so who knows, in the century plus wait we have until the events of Mass Effect are set maybe things continue to progress until a couple of months is a perfectly reasonable time frame for a soldier to accept they need help in. (Statistics courtesy of Combat Stress, the UK's biggest charity for veterans mental health issues).

I know a lot of Mass Effect stories like to throw in a PTSD story arc but I really can't see how Shepard can survive Akuze and just walk it off without side effects, it's the main reason I don't normally choose Akuze as the background for my Shepards. Anyway it was both interesting and challenging getting the balance right on this chapter, hopefully I succeeded, I had drafts ranging from Trish being a candidate for sainthood, never seeming to get fazed by Shepard's shit, right the way up to a far more explosive version where Trish walked out, Nikki fell even further apart and the next time they saw each other was when Trish was called to bail her out of jail. (Gives you an idea how long I've been working on this, that was the behind the scenes reason for Shep asking Trish to be an emergency contact in chapter 21). None of which I expect many of you care about so moving on... I know you all like light, sappy Shep and I promise she's not gone completely. They will still be able to be dorks together even if they are both expected to behave increasingly adult. There will be joy! Hope you're all still enjoying.


	29. Chapter 29

Trish waited apprehensively in the clinic's waiting room. It was probably designed to be cosy, a couple of sofas and chairs of varying comfort levels spread around the low coffee table. A small kitchen worktop and shelves set off to one side with a couple of posters; one warning the water was hot and the other informing visitors that the price of tea or coffee was to hand wash the dishes yourself. She'd read them, and the various leaflets dotted around advertising support groups and 24 hour helplines multiple times, studied the board of smiling headshots of the clinic's practitioners but nothing helped quell her nerves. It had been easier when Nikki had been there, focusing on small talk and keeping the marine calm had distracted her from her own concerns. Even though it had been her idea to get help, even though she'd had to go through so much to get Nikki to agree to come, even though to all intents and purposes she'd 'won', she couldn't help but feel on edge now that they were actually here.

She caught sight of the familiar hoody coming back down the hallway and stood up. There had been a time when she could read Nikki's emotions like an open book, but after Akuze she'd become far more closed off and restrained. Trish was getting much better at deciphering the small signs but she still struggled sometimes and now was one of those moments where she couldn't quite pinpoint her partner's feelings. Before she could decide on the appropriate wording for her questions Nikki interrupted.

"Come on, let's get out of here. I want something to eat."

...

'Something to eat' apparently translated into ice cream. It probably hadn't been the original plan but they'd stumbled upon a kiosk not long after leaving the clinic. They walked on, licking their cones in silence before Shepard finally broke it with a sigh.

"I'm surprised you've not imploded yet. Go on, I know you're dying to ask."

"How was it?" A shrug was the only response and Trish bit back on her frustration: _why give me permission to ask and then not answer? No, wait... you've got permission but it's still up to you to find the right question._ "Do you think it'll help?"

"I don't know yet." The soldier's voice was faint and almost vulnerable as she answered with another shrug. "I've got another session next week." Trish reached out and gave Nikki's hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Thank you. For giving it a chance. I... I know it's not easy for you so... thanks."

"Yeah, well... It's cheaper than a divorce." The bizarre reply took Trish completely by surprise for a moment, then she smiled as she recognised Thomas Shepard's old catchphrase. _Why would any man go with his wife to watch some sappy musical instead of down the pub with his mates?_ It's cheaper than a divorce. _Why build a bird table and multiple nesting boxes for the garden_ _by hand_ _?_ It's cheaper than a divorce. It was the well worn mantra of a hard done by husband. Or at least, it would have been if not for the glint of mischief in his eyes whenever he said it and the accompanying amused sparkle mirrored in Hannah's each time she heard. More often than not his face would morph into the signature Shepard smirk that his daughter had inherited, the same cheeky grin that Trish longed to see on her partner's face again.

"Nikki, we're not married."

"You could have mentioned that an hour ago, I could have saved myself a lot of hassle, AND some money!" Trish laughed, as far as jokes went it was awful but it had been so long since Nikki had joked or teased about anything that she didn't care. For once she didn't second guess herself or waste time worrying about potential consequences, instead she followed her instincts, wrapping Nikki up in a tight hug. She felt the marine tense for a second before relaxing and hesitantly hugging her back.

"What's this for?"

"I missed you."

"But I've been right here."

"Yeah, well... I missed you anyway. You and your bad jokes."

...

As the weeks passed Trish became much more comfortable with the waiting room, making herself at home on the sofa with a cup of coffee and engrossing herself with datapads and her omni-tool. She was so busy constructing a report on which microprocessor would be best for the next generation of bluewires that she didn't even notice Nikki approach until a shadow appeared over her.

"I diagnose obsessive fixation, or is it workaholism? I always get those two mixed up." Trish hit save before standing up with a smile, the jokes had slowly started getting more common but she still treated each one as a gift.

"How did it go?"

"Fine, doc wants a word with you though." Shepard nodded to a man far enough away to give them the semblance of privacy but probably just within range to hear their conversation.

"What, me? Why?" With her attention on the psychiatrist Trish missed the delicious smirk that crept over her partner's face.

"Well I don't know for certain, but I **think** they may be considering sectioning you." Trish nearly gave herself whiplash with the speed her head twisted back round, the evil grin now almost fully encompassing Shepard's face. "After all you **choose** to live with me, you must be crazy."

...

"What would you think about a tattoo?" They had been lounging lazily on the bed, just basking in the simple act of existing in the other's presence. Trish raised her head off Nikki's chest at the question so she could get a better look at her partner's face, as far as she knew Nikki had never displayed any particular interest in tattoos before.

"Are we talking about for you or for me?" The soldier pointed a thumb at herself, shifting slightly in that subtle but oddly specific way that Trish had deciphered as meaning she was thinking about her wound again. Realization struck and the civilian was hit by a wave of emotion, she was glad that Nikki was finally ready to accept and reclaim her own body and honored that she cared enough to ask what she thought, but at the same time wondered if that didn't slightly defeat the object of the exercise. The point was to give the survivor control over their body back, not pass the decisions on to someone else.

"It's your body Nick, you can do what you want with it."

"Yeah but you're the one who's got to look at it." Hope sprung then. Their love life had definitely improved but Nicola was still far too self conscious about her scar, any attention to it tended to put a dampener on their activities and she always made sure it was covered back up before they went to sleep. Trish knew she probably shouldn't push but she couldn't help it, she promised herself she'd be careful and back off at the first sign of discomfort.

"Hopefully I'll get to do more than just look at it." She raised their entwined hands to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Nikki's hand to make her point clear. The soldier's hesitation and unease was equally clear.

"That... I..." It was Nikki's turn to take control of their hands moving them closer to her, stopping a little way from her but not relinquishing her hold as she sought out eye contact. "That might take a little longer." She admitted as she mirrored the earlier kiss.

"Don't worry, I can wait." Trish smiled at the silent compact they'd just reached, brushing her thumb reassuringly over her partner's hand, that was enough pushing for one day. "So, do you know what you want?" She asked, changing the subject. "For your tattoo?"

"I'm not sure, maybe. I did think about a phoenix rising but that seems a little too cliche. Now a **dragon** would be pretty badass! Flying in and breathing fire, laying waste to all before it... Not sure if you'd like that though..."

"I'm surprised you're not going for both!" The soldier's face turned wistful.

"Now there's an idea! The dragon burns the scar into existence and the phoenix rises from the ashes..."

"Chinese dragon or western dragon?"

"I don't know. You're putting far more thought into this than I've done yet. I'm still kind of expecting you to say no."

"Why would I do that? I mean maybe if you decide on a stick dragon..."

"There are stick dragons?"

"Yes and you're not getting one. They look silly, you wanted badass remember." Nikki chuckled, turning her head to kiss the nearest available piece of flesh, in this case the top of Trish's arm.

"You're sure you're ok with this?"

"Well... I do have one condition..." Nick nodded at her to continue. "It has to look awesome." The soldier smiled softly.

"That I can work with." Agreement made they fell back into a comfortable silence, this close together Nikki couldn't help but stare at Trish's face with open admiration, wondering how she'd been so lucky. She'd nearly forgotten about their conversation when out of nowhere:

"Colour or black and grey?"

"Black."

"What-" Nikki laughed, she placed a finger on her partner's lips to shush her, along with a quick nose kiss before rolling away and picking her omni-tool up off the bedside table.

"If you're going to keep asking questions we might as well start looking." She rolled back into position, raising an arm so Trish could snuggle closer, allowing them both to look at the screen and they spent the next couple of hours curled up, looking at pictures on the extranet.

...

 **Author's note:**

Figured some of you would be dying for a lighter one by now. I would however like to reassure the other half of my readers that I'm not going with a 'well I did the PTSD chapter, that's all sorted and I can move on now' approach. Nikki may be getting better, but I've not just clicked my fingers and cured her just like that.


	30. An Invitation

Time passed and life got better. Not magically all at once, but gradually, a piece at a time, through hard work and perseverance. Monday to Friday Nikki lived on base, fixing broken engines and replacing burnt out clutches, occasionally getting to do a complete overhaul of a vehicle. She'd taken up boxing again in an attempt to get some sense of adrenaline flowing but it wasn't the same, not even when she started training with the mixed martial artists. The weekends mostly made up for it, leaving base after work on a Friday night and going home to spend time with Trish.

They were getting on a lot better now that they'd relearnt how to talk with each other. It had taken some time, adjusting their relationship to the new circumstances they found themselves in; working out new needs, expectations and boundaries, but it had been worth it. They were stronger than ever, and as for the sex... Well... That was absolutely, without a doubt, one hundred percent-

" **Private.** " Shepard stated with a note of finality and a hint of warning when asked by her shrink. Their sessions had dropped in regularity and he was content to conduct most of them over vid call instead of in person now, but he still liked her to check in and 'touch base' every now and again. Even if there wasn't anything in particular to discuss. She let her face relax again. "It's good though. We're doing real good."

And it was true, life was good. Sure there were still nights when she'd wake in a cool sweat and have to quietly slip out to the study, trying her hardest not to disturb Trish on the way. However where once she'd relied on alcohol as a crutch to see her through the darkness, now she'd hit the switch on the newly installed kettle instead. The drinks cabinet still served its purpose but instead of a selection of whiskies, vodka and the odd brandy, it now contained her personal stash of assorted herbal teas. The taste and smell helping to ground her and override the memory of the unique stench of thresher acid that threatened to drag her mind back into the darkness, a strange scent that reminded her of chlorine, honeysuckle and something else she couldn't quite identify. She'd even risked potential ridicule by taking a couple of boxes of tea back with her to the barracks in case she was affected on a week night. Occasionally she'd have a bad day but she was in control. Yep life was good. She was living the dream. She was... fucking bored!

It was the one thing she hadn't really discussed with Trish. Not properly at least. Not since that first day. Trish liked to think of it as 'breakthrough day' but for Nikki it would forever be remembered as 'mean nasty lady tricked me with childish tricks (and I still love her despite it) day'. The brackets **may** have been added as a result of a 'look' but she'd got a smile and a kiss out of it so it had been worth it. Point was Trish knew she wanted to get back out there, to do the parts of her job that weren't included in a civilian mechanic's job description. What Trish DIDN'T know however was the amount of transfer requests to active duty units Nikki had submitted. What she didn't know couldn't hurt her and after all they always came back the same: [We regret to inform you that the unit in question does not currently have any vacancies for someone of your rank and MOS]

It was frustrating as hell but there was nothing she could do about it. So she focused on her work and on her training, picking up as many amateur fights as she could along the way, and she ran. Boy did she run. She went for a run most days, sometimes twice a day, going out again in the evening if something pissed her off at work and she needed to clear her head. Normally however it was morning runs, before a shower and breakfast, unless she was scheduled for PT or morning formation of course. She wasn't willing to risk being late for one of them.

It was during one such run that she experienced the third crossroads moment of her life, although she didn't realise it at the time and it would sound absurd later:

1) Batarians share their cultural traditions with the humans of Mindoir,

2) Spat on by a thresher maw,

3) Went for a run.

Crazy but true. Each of those moments had multiple possible outcomes that could have changed the course of her life and career, putting her on a completely different path to the one she was destined for. For once at least, this particular defining moment didn't have an instant death option. However she didn't know any of this at the time, she simply felt a presence behind her and saw a flash of red and white in her peripheral vision as someone fell into step beside her.

"Shepard, thought I recognised you." It took a moment for her to identify the other jogger's voice, it had been over a year since she'd heard it and their conversations had mostly been brief and always work orientated. _Anderson._ Some gut feeling told her this was no coincidental run in. She kept her pace even and her head facing straight, allowing the occasional glance out the corner of her eye.

"Sir."

"A little birdie told me you keep putting in transfer requests."

"It's ok to talk to animals Sir, but usually when they start talking back it's considered a bad sign." _Shit, why'd I have to go and say that? Back talking an officer's not going to improve my chances of getting out of here._ Fortunately he chuckled, merely upping the pace a fraction, Nikki matching the switch in tempo seamlessly.

"Just how badly do you want to get back out there Shepard?" Her brow furrowed.

"Is this supposed to be a test Sir? Are you hoping for some pithy macho bull like 'I'd kill for it'? I don't know the secret handshake or the magic passcode but I want it Sir."

"Do you want it enough to go through hell at the Villa?" She halted in surprise at his words, turning to look at him, but the N7 didn't stop for her or even slow down. She had to sprint to catch back up with him and as she dropped back down to his pace she noticed he'd upped it again.

"The Villa? You mean 'the villa' villa? Rio de Janeiro?"

"That's the one. Vila Militar, home of the Interplanetary Combatives Training program. We'll be putting a fresh batch of trainees through the wringer in just over a month's time. Do you want in?"

"I thought only officers could be recruited for N-School?"

"Usually you'd be right. In over twenty years of ICT history there have been only two exceptions to that rule. We're willing to make you the third."

"Why?"

"Akuze." She'd known as soon as she'd asked the question, it was obvious really. "You don't have to give me an answer this instant of course, take a couple of days to think about it and let me kn-"

"I'll do it."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"You know they won't take it easy on you because of your rank? If anything they'll come down harder on you."

"Thresher maw didn't take it any easier on the lower ranks either Sir, don't worry I can handle your training instructors."

"I'll do you one favour and one favour only Shepard, I won't tell the rest of them you said that." He didn't say anything else for a while, merely watching her appraisingly as they ran. "OK. I'll arrange the paperwork."

...

"The Villa? Isn't that like super spec ops school or something?" Trish queried.

"That's the one." The mechanic smiled.

"Fuck, Nikki... Do you know what that means?"

"I know right, it's so-" She trailed off as her brain caught up to her ears and she processed the distinct lack of excited pride in her girlfriend's voice. Not even repressed, like how she used to pretend to be mock disappointed at not being told about her promotions sooner. No the emotion hiding in Trish's voice sounded remarkably close to... Panic. Shepard suddenly felt an inexplicable feeling of dread that she'd somehow just messed up.

"Jesus Nick! Wasn't nearly dying once enough for you?"

"What? Ah, come on, it's not like that Trish. I thought we'd talked about this?"

"No, we talked about you going on active ship postings. Your old job back, combat and all. NOT switching to a full time combat role. And not even just with the infantry but full on 'shit's hit the fan, everything's gone to hell, call in the N guys' level of combat."

"Well ok yeah, missions might be tougher, but you get better weapons, better training and sometimes you even get intel on the mission before you start it. You have no idea how often my mission briefs used to be: 'someone's activated a distress beacon, we have no idea why, go find out'. Sometimes the only intel we had was whether we'd be landing on a planet or docking with a ship. At least if spec ops dock with a ship they normally acquire the blueprints for it first... And none of this is convincing you in the slightest is it?" She sighed as Trish shook her head. They sat in silence for a moment before Nikki broke it with another sigh. "Well I'm here. I'm willing to talk. I'm keeping up my side of the bargain, I just... I don't know what to say Trish..."

"... Is this truly what you want to do?"

"...Yeah. I'm sorry Trish but yeah. I can't stay here teaching apprentices the quickest way to scrape off omni-gel and that screws are 'righty tighty, lefty loosey' my whole life."

"What if that wasn't your only two choices. What if you were out on a ship posting somewhere, the kind of job you wanted a couple of weeks ago, and this guy came up to you and offered you the villa, would you still want it then?" There was a pause as the soldier gave it due consideration.

"I think I would."

"OK then."

"What do you mean 'ok then'?" Nikki frowned.

"Ok then, do it."

"Hang on. A moment ago you didn't want me to do this." It was Trish's turn to sigh as she stared at her partner a moment as if she was weighing something up in her head and waging an internal war with herself. She finally made a decision.

"Cards on the table time? Everything out in the open?" There was a moment's hesitation, fingers tapping a small, fast, nervous rhythm, then Shepard gave a curt nod to continue. "Akuze scared me Nick, I honestly didn't know if you were going to make it out that hospital room alive and I don't want to ever have to go through that again... **but**... You're a marine. I knew that when we got back together. Marine's run into danger, I can't just wrap you up in cotton wool the rest of your life, no matter how much I want to keep you safe." Shepard looked contrite at her partner's confession, unsure how to respond.

"You could always try bubble wrap. Bubble wrap could be fun."

"You'd start running into walls just to see how many bubbles you could pop." Trish dismissed but she couldn't help a light smile forming at the mental image.

"Probably." Nikki admitted before releasing another low exhale. "I hurt you without meaning to before Trish, I don't want to do it again... If you're not ok about this I need to know now. Tell me not to do it and I won't. Hell tell me to leave the Alliance and I'll leave and... Well... I don't quite know what I'd do but I'd find something."

"You'd really give it all up for me?"

"I don't want to lose you Trish. I know I don't deserve you and I don't know how the hell you put up with all the crap I've dragged you through these past six months, so yeah... ask me to choose, my job or you, and I'll choose you. If that's what you want then all you got to do is give the order." Trish allowed herself the faintest bittersweet smile before shaking her head with a sigh.

"You wouldn't be happy Nick." The soldier shrugged as if it was of no importance. "Just now, talking about the villa, before me and my big mouth had to ruin everything... that's the happiest I've seen you in months..." Shepard opened her mouth to protest, but the civilian raised a hand to stop her, determined to get through what she wanted to say without interruption. "You've always supported me, when I wanted this job but didn't think I had enough experience it was you that convinced me to apply anyway. You've never asked me to give up anything for you. The least I can do is the same. Just... promise me you'll be careful. Promise me no matter how bad things get you'll always talk to me, you won't shut me out again. Promise me if you find yourself no longer getting job satisfaction you'll find a way out... You promise me all that and I won't stop you Nikki."

"I promise I'll be as careful as I can be, I'll talk about whatever you want as long as it's not classified and if I stop getting job satisfaction I'll find a way out." Nikki repeated, Trish smiling at the additional subclauses. It was close enough. In fact it was better than a word for word repeat, it meant her girlfriend was actually thinking about what she was saying and making sure her promises were feasible rather than just going through the motions in order to appease her.

"Ok, good. Right... That's settled then." It was as far as she was concerned but she couldn't think of anything else to talk about and the silence was in danger of getting awkward. She knew if she didn't come up with a new topic Nikki would start overthinking the last one. "So... do you want make up sex?" Nick laughed in surprise at the abrupt subject change, eyes lighting up in amusement before the grin faded, eyes roving her partner's face analytically.

"You're sure about this?"

"Sex? Of course, I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it." Nikki rolled her eyes.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know... I'm sure." A small smile curled hesitantly on the soldier's lips.

"I love you."

"I know."

...

 **Author's note:** Ending dialogue chapters can be hard. Thanks to everybody who's followed and favourited so far, this is now officially my most popular story, hope you are all still enjoying. Feel free to leave a review, they're always appreciated no matter how small and constructive criticism is as welcome as praise.


	31. N1

"You all got here in different ways. Some of you broke so many records at the Academy that they sent you straight here, some built up a long and steady reputation of excellence out in the field over many campaigns, and others are here based on a single action. Some of you impressed the brass, some of you impressed _us_." There was no doubt in Shepard's mind that the three N7s before her considered the last option harder than the first.

There was no Anderson in the welcoming committee, she didn't recognise either of the two men or the woman stood with their hands clasped behind their back in the 'at ease' position at the front of the mess hall. While the rest of the 200 plus soldiers present in the hall were dressed in BDUs, the trio just wore combat pants and a simple black t-shirt with the coveted red and white stripe on the right arm and N7 logo on the left chest. Despite the simplicity it made for an impressive and inspiring sight.

"It doesn't matter how you got here, what you've done or who you think you are. You are **all** just trainees now. You no longer have a rank, hell for the next 15 weeks you don't even have a name." It wasn't until that moment that Shepard realised the instructor's t-shirts served a dual purpose. She had been highly aware, even with everyone's insignia removed before admittance, that she was the only non-officer present, but she suddenly realised that some of the 'trainees' may well even outrank the instructors in the real world.

"Perform well enough and maybe we'll remember your name when writing out the N2 course invites. You'll have to be good though... Hell, half of you won't even make it through tomorrow. Welcome to the Villa ladies and gentlemen, tonight I suggest you eat well and sleep well, because tomorrow we welcome you to Hell."

...

" **Good morning and welcome to Hell!** " Shepard bit back a groan. Not, as one might expect, as a result of the early start or the preceding racket of mess tins being clashed loudly together, but rather at the awfulness of the instructor's opening line. She was half way through rolling off her bed to stand to attention as had so successfully been drilled into her during basic, when she realised she wasn't actually on a bed but the ground, and she sure as hell didn't remember going to sleep in an environmental suit either! Her senses instantly went on high alert, as she took in her surroundings.

She was alone on rocky, uneven terrain and the sky above was the deepest of blacks only found in uninhabited space with zero light pollution from sentient made sources. _A moon? Asteroid?_ A short study of the stars against her (admittedly low) astrological knowledge provided no clue other than to confirm they weren't in the local cluster any more. _Not Mindoir's star system either._ The voice returned and this time she was awake enough to notice it came through her earpiece.

"The more observant among you may have noticed, this isn't Brazil!" _No fucking shit,_ Shepard thought as she noticed a pack tethered down a couple of meters away and went to check it out, being very careful not to let anything float off in the low gravity environment. _There's no way they managed to put me in a suit and fly us out here without waking me up, they must have drugged us. In the food? No, too many variables, no way to control dosage. Injection or gas? Doesn't matter. Past is past. Focus on what's important._

She found an omni-tool and booted it up, directly patching her enviro-suit's remote data signal into it: _Let's see... just under 5 hours worth of oxygen left_. She set an alert for 20 minutes and 5 minutes before she was due to run out of air and continued searching the 'tool for anything useful... _no navigational data and no extranet connection... Well that would have been too easy. What_ _ **does**_ _it have?_

Even as she worked she kept listening to the voice broadcasting over the comm frequency, just in case he actually said something useful. _Like what we're actually supposed to do out here. Ah, there..._ She nearly bypassed the cartography program as she scrolled through the list of installed applications. It wasn't something they were taught to use in Basic, but fortunately reading the name was enough to trigger a faint memory of being attached as mechanic to a survey team during a previous ship posting. They'd used the program on uncharted worlds, it hadn't been her department so she was by no means an expert, but 3 weeks stuck in a Grizzly with the same people doing the same job each day was enough to pick up a few things. It utilized an advanced form of radar, _or was it lidar? Shit I can't remember, ah well doesn't matter, point is..._ It wouldn't tell her where she was and she couldn't use it to navigate in the traditional sense but it would fill in the immediate area around her as she moved so she could trace her route back if needs be, and at least she'd know if she started walking around in circles.

"The sole objective of today's exercise is to survive. You all have 4 hours worth of oxygen in your suits, the test doesn't end until the last person runs out of oxygen." _Wait, what?_ She double checked her own readings, definitely closer to five. _Well they've got to be cautious I suppose, just in case someone doesn't know how to take their own readings. They don't want people cutting it too fine and dying out here, think of the paperwork._ She set another alert for the time they reckoned she had left, just to be safe.

"Anything less than 12 hours is an automatic fail. Dying is **also** an automatic fail. Don't do it. You have two flares, green if you're done and want a lift home and red for emergency evac..." _Ok, so all I have to do is either find more oxygen on a barren asteroid or come up with a way to make the existing lot last at least three times longer than normal. Simple right?_ In the far distance she thought she saw a green flare shoot up on her 10 o'clock. _We did_ _ **not**_ _cover this in Basic._ _That is true, but_ _ **so**_ _not helpful right now. Come on brain think._ Another flare, 1 o'clock. _What happened to old school training where they taught you things BEFORE testing you on them? Good question, sadly irrelevant. Come on! Plans, ideas, anything._ 7 o'clock. _Yeah I got nothing._ A shuttle passed over head towards one of the flares and she absentmindedly made a note of it's flight path on her omni-tool. _Nothing here. Nada._ 3 o'clock, red. _Well, I guess that settles it then... No other way..._ 12 o'clock, green. _Got no choice... Yep, looks like it... Fine... Right... Okay... So I've got just over 4 hours to find someone else who DOES have a plan._

...

"Sir, we've got a problem." The N7 in charge of overseeing the exercise walked over to the technician who'd called out. He wasn't worried about the high number of tap outs, it was expected and planned for, deliberate even. So many people came to N training having prepared for forced marches and other traditional tests of physical endurance, that would of course be included later, as would dummy missions to test tactics and lessons on some of the more specialist skills required of an N-operative that the majority of trainees wouldn't have had an opportunity to learn anywhere else in the Alliance. However before they spent time and resources training people up they needed to know what would happen when that training failed, how they would handle situations that couldn't be planned for, when there was not only no easy way out but not even an obvious hard way out.

What the N program was really interested in, what made their graduates 'the few', was a character trait that could never be taught. It may lie dormant, hidden and unknown until such time as it was needed, but a person either had it or they didn't. He looked at the technician's screen, a quadrant of the training area mapped out, dots representing trainees beginning to clump together in small groups.

"What's wrong?"

"We've just lost five tracking signals, all suit data, comms, the lot." It was top of the range equipment, the chances of one of them failing was unlikely but possible, five however? One of the trainees had to be deliberately jamming the signals.

"I want ids on whose missing, I take it they were all together?" A nod. "Get me a transcript of the last few minutes of audio we captured off their armour mics before we lost contact." It was mere moments before he was given the requested information.

 **{5923-AC-2826:** Have any of you been recording the shuttle flight vectors?

 **5924-AV-2984:** Yeah

 **5926-CD-5689:** No

 **5899-ZA-8954:** A few, at the start.

 **6017-BD-0096:** I programmed my omni-tool to record them automatically, why? What are you- You're thinking of triangulation?

 **5923-AC-2826:** It's a long shot I know but-

 **5899-ZA-8954:** No, it's no good. Maybe if they were only doing one pick up in each run, but they've been picking up multiple evacs at a time, plus we're talking N-school. There's no way those pilots are flying straight lines back to base each time.

 **6017-BD-0096:** There will still be hot spots though. Areas with more concentrated activity, and if we remove the flare locations from the data-

 **5923-AC-2826:** Wait, you can do that?

 **6017-BD-0096:** Retroactively? No, but luckily I had my omni record flare locations as well. With the two data maps I can overlay them-

 **5924-AV-2984:** How did you even-

 **6017-BD-0096:** If you want I can teach you, but it'll have to wait until after we're not running out of oxygen. Point is I should be able to narrow it down to a couple of possible locations. You're sure this is worth our time?

 **5923-AC-2826:** There's got to be an ops centre monitoring us and one way or another they've got to have enough oxygen to be sure of outlasting the rest of us. It- Shit! Idiot! Riley, Meyer, you're the engineers can you block any signals the five of us might be giving off?

 **5899-ZA-8954:** Fuck! Why didn't I think of th- **}**

"They're going to attack us." The N7 smiled to himself, an action which didn't reassure the technicians in the room. It wasn't the first time trainees on the N1 course had resorted to this plan and it wouldn't be the last, but it had been a few years since anyone pulled it off. He looked down at the personnel records linked to the missing trackers.

[Malhotra, Vihaan (5924-AV-2984) Meyer, Nils (5899-ZA-8954) Riley, Lee (6017-BD-0096) Rizzi, Susan (5926-CD-5689) and Shepard, Nicola (5923-AC-2826)]

...

 _They were all just trainees_ , she repeated to herself. It didn't matter what they did or who they'd been before coming to the villa. So _**why**_ was Anderson's warning about the risk of them being harder on her for not being an officer feeling so prophetic? Of course everybody got a certain amount of hazing, she wasn't the only one. It just felt like her's was more extreme and physically demanding than the others.

The amount of times they'd stumbled into a rest camp after a 20 hour training session, more than ready to claim the four hours of exhausted sleep they were allowed before being woken back up to go back out again, only for some bastard to call out '2826 with me' and she'd have to spend an extra hour reading some book, or coming up with a battle plan for x number of men to achieve such and such an objective using this map/3d model/intel photos while everybody else got to sleep.

She hadn't seen Anderson since he'd offered her a place at the villa. She wasn't sure if it was because the N7s had some kind of rotation for stints as an instructor or a set plan for who did what and he just dealt with N3s, or if he was simply on active duty assignment somewhere else, _or protective custody so I can't kill him!_ She couldn't help feeling he was somehow responsible for her most physically grueling hazing, after all how would the other instructors know about her pet hate? It had started in week 4 and it just hadn't stopped.

"Sniper rifle, pistol and shotgun. One 24 hour rat pack, three packets of medi gel, six packets of omni gel-"

"Hold up a minute." Instructor no.1's read out of their personal inventory for the next three days was interrupted by asshole instructor no.2 "Trainee 2826 doesn't like omni-gel do you? Thinks it's a worthless piece of shit, that doesn't fix anything. There's no point her carrying that much around all day if she's never going to use it." There was a sadistic smirk as he halted in front of her.

 _Oh fuck, they're going to sabotage something of mine aren't they? I'm going to have broken equipment and no way to fix it all becau-_ "Here you go Two-Six you can carry this tomorrow instead. Why don't you take a look, make sure we've not missed anything out."

 _Shit!_ Shepard thought as she looked at the heavy rollout canvas toolbag he offered her. _At least it's not in a metal toolbox I suppose._ Most military nuts and bolts of the 22nd century came in one of four sizes, so why she'd need **twelve** different sized spanners she had no idea. There was also a vast assortment of other tools with a varying amount of practicality. _Can we go back to the 'not having any way to fix your sabotage' idea?_ Of course she knew better than to say she wouldn't need them.

"Thank you Sir. Don't suppose there's a left handed screwdriver in there?" _On second thoughts maybe_ _ **that's**_ _why I keep getting hazed. I really need a new filter between my brain and mouth, my current one seems to be defective._

"Believe me Two-Six, for you I could find one."

...

 _This is pure fucking torture!_

 _Well that_ _ **is**_ _kind of the point of SERE training._

 _I'm not talking about the stress positions, although this is_ _ **really**_ _starting to fucking hurt right now._

 _Quit whining, it's a tickle compared to thresher acid._

 _I remember and I'm not moaning about the pain, you have no idea how hard this is for me right now._

 _ **I**_ _have no idea? I am you! You realise talking to yourself is the first sign of madness right?_

 _Shh, it's fine, as long as we don't say anything out loud we can still pass._

 _Still counts as madness._

 _Yeah well, if I am I totally blame it on that fucking boots poem. Man if that Kipling bloke weren't already dead I'd kill him. Hey did they just turn the flashy lights off or have we blacked out again?_

 _No pretty sure they turned it off, they'll be back with more questions soon._

 _Why haven't they turned off the siren?_

 _Err... I think they have... I think that's just our ears still ringing. Do you think we could sneak a drink without drowning next water boarding session?_

 _I told you not to think about being thirsty!_

 _I'm not I-... that was the door, you ready?_

 _Yep, ready._

 _Good, now just shut up and let me handle this._

 _Hey! My answers are much better!_

 _Don't you fucking dare, I'm pretty sure we nearly got kicked out when you answered in Batarian last time._

 _Come on, all I said was "I can't answer that question"._

 _Yeah and that's probably the only reason we didn't get a red mark, I'm pretty sure 'oh, so you can speak Batarian then?' was our one and only warning not to piss around._

 _Pfft..._

 _Look, please? We're nearly through this, we've come too far to lose now._

 _Ok, okay, I wasn't planning on giving up either you know._

"How are we feeling today?" Shepard stayed silent as the interrogator entered the room. She didn't recognise the guy, they must have swapped them all around again. "Can I get you anything? Food? Water? A doctor perhaps?" So they were finally going with the friendly approach, tough luck, she stayed shtum. He released a sigh and sat down on a chair in front of her.

"Well can't I at least know who I'm talking to? You're allowed to give me that much right?"

"Shepard, Sergeant, 5923-AC-2826"

"Shepard, ok Shepard and who's your commanding officer?"

"I can't answer that question."

 _Pretty sure it ends in 'bastard' though._

 _Shush, you promised._

 _Hey I said I wouldn't_ _ **say**_ _anything, you didn't say I couldn't think._

 _I hate you brain._

"Are you sure? I can get a message to him, help you get out of here." Silence. "Come on, you just have to tell me who your commanding officer is and this will all be over."

"I can't answer that question."

 _You should have asked for a tape recorder, this is going to get_ _ **so**_ _repetitive... AGAIN!_

"OK, how about something else. What are you doing out here?"

 _I dare you to say: 'I'm on vacation'._

 _ **No**_ _._ "I can't answer that question."

 _You're no fun anymore._

 _This ain't a damn vid brain, I'm not risking failure by goading them. The rules are simple, NO other answer._

"What are your mission objectives Shepard?"

"I can't answer that question."

 _Wait a minute, didn't you and Rizzi reach the objective? Something about a 40 mile trek while evading capture from the guys on the N5 course? If you made it why are you here?_

 _Don't be stupid brain, you can't pass a SERE course without some interrogation, no matter how well you do on the Survive and Evade parts._

 _Then why didn't we just get captured earlier and save ourselves the trouble?_

 _Because they didn't tell us in advance what the exercise pass conditions were, now shut up I missed the question._

 _Meh, not like it matters, you know the answer._

 _True._ "I can't answer that question." A full blown punch knocked her head to one side and forced her full attention back to the cell. She just had time to recognise the recently entered second man as her regular interrogator before she was dragged along the ground. Today's newbie looked at her apologetically.

"I'm sorry Shepard. You should have let me help you when you had the chance." Pain flared across her shoulder and she had to bite back a smile. _Back to business as usual then._

...

ICT training had certainly been hard, no doubt about it. Not just physically but mentally as well. It had been worth it though. Of the 268 trainees to start the program she was one of of only 24 to graduate with the Summer '77 intake. _And that was just N1._ They'd get a short break, be appointed new units and general duties before joining up with the survivors of the winter intake to tackle the N2 course. It was possible to defer a year or longer if you wanted to, but Nikki couldn't imagine she'd decline the invite. Not unless she was on tour when the course began.

"Shepard!" It seemed strange to hear her real name coming out the mouth of 'Asshole Instructor no.2' or 'Sir', but there he was, walking towards her with a smile. She'd seen a great many smiles on that man's face but never before one that seemed quite so benign. For some reason the prospect of him being nice put her on edge even more.

"Finally found that left handed screwdriver you were after." He pulled out a gold coloured figurine about one and a half times the size of a regular screwdriver and handed it over to her. She assumed it was only gold plated but whatever metal was the base was pretty damn heavy.

"Let me guess Sir, you're going to add that to my kit when I come back for N2?"

"Don't tempt me Two-Six. Don't tempt me. Could only get hold of it as part of a set, came with a pair of brass balls. I'd offer them to you but I don't think you need them. What do you reckon, should I give them to Meyer or Dubois?" She found a grin of her own spreading out to match his.

"I don't know, that's a close one Sir. You could always keep them, never know when you might need them." He glared at her, face stern, but she thought she caught the faintest glimmer of amusement in his eye.

"Get out of here Shepard before I change my mind. I've got N4s to torture in a couple of hours. Stupid masochists keep coming back for more."

...

"THAT, is not the uniform I handed in when I arrived." Shepard stated as they tried handing her back something with gold on it.

"Of course not. We can't have NCOs walking around claiming to have survived the villa now can we." _This can't be happening, it's got to be a prank._ While she had been vaguely aware of the possibility of being commissioned after her stint at the villa, it had kind of slipped her mind during everything else that she'd endured in the past 15 weeks. She'd certainly expected them to still make her jump through all the usual hoops first though, at the very least a fast track course at the Academy.

"But I've not even been to officer school! Are you sure you're allowed to just bump me up like that?" _There's no way I can be a butterbar now... I still know how to read a map for starters!_ She could just imagine Badger laughing his head off in the afterlife: 'they made Shep an officer? That's it, no more driving for you!' The woman behind the desk shook her head, unaware of the private mocking Shepard was receiving inside her mind.

"We can give you 10 weeks at OCS if you want, but it'd be pretty pointless. Why make someone do an A-level maths exam if they've got an engineering degree? What did you think all those extra hours were for?"

For once in her life Shepard was speechless. The idea that the extra hell and sleep deprivation she'd been subjected to was merely to fill a gap in her education that everybody else had already received elsewhere, rather than for more vindictive reasons... _actually kind of makes sense in hindsight. Could have bloody told me though. And that toolbox was NOT anything to do with Academy training._

It was a bit like with Rizzi she realised. She'd assumed the instructors penchant for throwing things at the biotic came from some deep seated prejudice and desire to make her quit. However there was no denying the improvements to the strength and speed of Rizzi's barriers since the start of the course. While she had never seemed scared or wary of her powers like some biotics Shepard had served with, they had often been kept as a last resort, the lieutenant eager to prove she could handle things the 'normal' way as well as any other soldier. Now such preferences were immaterial, her barrier flaring instinctively at the first hint of danger, an extra level of protection the 'normal' N1s could only dream of.

Giving up (for the first time in over 3 months) Shepard accepted the new uniform and everything that came with it. It did however leave her with some important decisions to make. Such as: should she call Trish now and tell her about the promotion, or wait until she saw her?

...

 **Author's note:** Phew that was longer than I was expecting. I got part way through writing and suddenly remembered Anderson's ANN interview in the Citadel DLC discussed day 1 of N training and had to include it. As for the SERE training (Survive, Evade, Resist, Escape/Extract) I really hope that came out OK. Obviously I don't know what it's like but I remember the G.I Jane film scene, I don't know how much of that is just Hollywood or what it's like in other countries but she would probably have failed SAS training where they are (allegedly, according to my internet research) only allowed to answer with: name, rank, serial no. date of birth and all other questions can only be answered with "I can not answer that question". While I don't doubt the hell it is to try and get through that training, after surviving so much pain in the past and with Nikki's lip, I imagine not going all GI Jane and giving mocking answers as a coping strategy would be the hardest part for her.


	32. Chapter 32

The shuttle was full of noise as it lifted off away from the Villa towards Galeao International Airport, the newly designated N1s chatting about their plans now they were free, scrolling through the personal omni-tools they had finally been reunited with and catching up on three months of emails and lost contact with the outside world.

Nikki was unusually quiet as she took in her empty inbox. Well that wasn't entirely accurate, there was plenty of junk mail, and notifications from the Alliance confirming her commission and change of MOS. She tried not to read too much into it, but part of her couldn't help worry if Trish was still upset about her decision.

What if a lack of message now developed into a lack of Trish when she got back? Trish had said she was ok with it but what if she'd changed her mind? Or it might have been a test from the start and she'd failed and screwed up her relationship by putting her job first.

 _No, we talked about it, she might omit a detail and hide something from me but she'd never lie to my face. Then why... What if something's happened to her? She better be alright. Someone would have told me if she wasn't right?_

Despite the communications ban at the Villa there were still emergency channels in case of a family death or disaster. In that situation the trainee would be called off somewhere private to be given the news and a choice: stay at the villa and keep with the training, or go home with an open invitation to start the course again at Day 2 with the next intake. It hadn't happened so Trish must be fine, _but then why hasn't she..._

Mind you the civilian still had a living family, just because the soldier had her girlfriend listed as emergency contact didn't mean the paperwork was mutual. If something had happened it would be up to Trish's mother whether or not to let her know. Uncertainty swirled through her head as she raised her wrist to access her omni-tool once more, it looked like it was up to her to reinitiate communication but how to go about it? _Prepare for the worst and hope for the best._

[Hey babe, really hope you're ok? I've not heard anyth-] She stopped, deleting the half written message, hand reaching up to rub an eyebrow as she glared at the empty screen for inspiration.

...

Trish looked at the first message she'd received from Nikki in three, nearly four, months. As far as postings went the training course had actually been quite short. Sure she'd gotten used to her partner coming home on the weekends but she'd always known it wouldn't last, that that style of posting was the exception rather than the rule, and she'd been through much longer separations before.

Ok so they weren't actually going out during that first long ship posting back in '75 but Luna was 6 months, and after the scrambled response to the Skyllian Blitz it had been 9 months before she saw her soldier again. This time had felt harder despite the relatively short duration, even during their most busy moments on Luna they'd managed at least one vid call a week and some form of communication each day.

Even during the Blitz when they were so far apart and Nick was regularly engaged in combat assignments they had managed to keep in semi regular contact via text based messaging. So many times in the past 15 weeks she'd wanted to message Nikki, ask her how she was doing or some random insignificant question that popped into her mind. Share some bizarre fact or joke she'd heard that day, but she knew there was no communication allowed at the Villa and she hadn't wanted Nikki to be swamped with old messages when she finally got her 'tool back.

Didn't want the soldier to feel guilty about not replying when she hadn't been able to, or to worry that Trish could no longer handle being alone. She was a strong independent woman, she could cope just fine. Even if she **did** have an entire folder of unsent draft messages for the other woman. None of which mattered now, the long wait was over and she had the evidence in her hands.

[Hey Trish, hope you're ok, I made it! So I know you probably want to hear all about it, (or maybe you don't, I don't actually know). Anyway, we can talk (or not) as much as you want when I get back. I learnt all kinds of new stuff while I was away, even did a bit on codes and ciphers, of course you're much cleverer than me so I'm sure you can break any code I use, why don't you take a look?]

There followed a vast array of tiny pictures, it had taken Trish awhile to decipher them to begin with. The first sequence were a picture of an eye, a box with a tick in it and a white building that looked quite fancy with a veranda out front. _Eye, tick, fancy building... I passed villa!_ Then there was a new line with another set: Wave, sheep, email sign, aeroplane, question mark... _Sea ewe at plane? See you at the airport?_ Next was an old fashioned analogue watch face that Trish really hoped was showing the correct time for when Nikki's plane was due to arrive or else she could be waiting forever. Then another eye, a heart and a sheep. _I love you_. The final line took her awhile to work out, but gave her the biggest grin when she did.

At least, she was 80% certain she'd translated correctly, she doubted she'd have worked it out if she hadn't been raised part military. It was a rectangular shaped platter with a block of butter on it followed by a shepherd's crook. She copy and pasted the last two images into a new message before pausing to think about her reply.

...

The nervousness Nikki had felt since leaving the villa had only doubled after sending the message and tripled once more when she finally heard the notification signifying a reply. It all faded the moment she opened it and saw the neat little pictograms inside. _Butter bar, shepherd's crook. Wave, sheep, email sign, watch face. Heart_... The last word was the only one in the message to be typed out using traditional letters, presumably her girlfriend couldn't think of a relevant picture.

[Lieutenant Shepard. See you at eight. Love Trish] While she loved the fact Trish had taken the time to keep her little game going she suddenly found herself lacking the necessary patience and hurriedly typed out: [See, told you you were clever. Love you too - Nikki]

[Wow, quick reply. Where are you? You free to call?] As soon as she'd read it Shepard was hitting the dial button, barely a single ring passing before her girlfriend answered.

"I'm at the airport in Rio and no, I **definitely** can't call right now."

"Idiot. Please tell me that isn't actually how spec ops encrypts their secret messages?"

"I could tell you but then I'd have to quote cliche vid lines at you." The glorious laugh was somehow an even sweeter sound than she remembered. "So uh hey, I've been thinking... if it's alright with you can we go out somewhere when I get back? I mean not necessarily straight away, the instant I get off the plane get back, but at some point while I'm home? I want to take you on a date. It's been ages since I've done something nice for you." Trish smiled at the slight undercurrent of hesitancy in Nikki's voice as if she was worried about the civilian saying no. _As if._

"Of course we can! Do you have anything in particular in mind or is it supposed to be a surprise?"

"Ah, about that... can you plan it? I did check a few things out but there's no decent concerts this weekend and no biotiball games and I kind of ran out of ideas of things you'd like to do."

"Wouldn't that make it me taking you on a date?"

"No, I want to take you out. I'm paying for everything, you just get to choose where to go, make sure we actually do something you'll enjoy. Bonus points if you manage to look surprised when we turn up." Trish shook her head with a chuckle. _My girlfriend, the last romantic._

"You really can't think of anything I'd enjoy?"

"Well I don't actually know what San Francisco has to offer. I mean I know some great bars and clubs, but I can't dance and I'm not supposed to drink anymore so that kind of rules them out. And I know about the hills and trams but that's not exactly date material is it? And we did Alcatraz before I went off to Luna..." She shrugged even though Trish couldn't see her. "I don't know... you've lived there for years now, there's got to be something you want to do but never got round to?"

"Alright I'll think of something."

"Great! Crap, that's my boarding call, I got to go. See you in a few hours?"

"You bet."

...

They were lucky it was a civilian plane with only a handful of military personnel onboard, Trish wasn't sure she would have identified her marine as easily if she'd been among the usual swarm of uniforms, and not just because of the new outfit. When she finally picked Nikki out she noticed she'd lost weight, not enough to be scrawny, just enough to be noticeable. The body mostly balanced it out with slight gain to the already toned muscles but it was most obvious on the gaunt looking cheeks. Speaking of her face, the yellowy brown of an old bruise was still visible around one eye, although it it didn't stop the eyes lighting up in joy as they caught sight of Trish. An infectious smile spread across her face, one the civilian quickly mirrored as they walked towards each other, meeting in a hug in the middle.

"You look amazing." The soldier confided.

"Thank you. You look..." She trailed off, pulling back slightly for another look and searching for the right word: _happy, battered, full of life, exhausted,_ "...Triumphant."

"Well I **did** pass."

"And with flying colours. You've finally got your insignia on your shoulders." Insignia that she instantly started playing with, she just couldn't seem to help it whenever she first saw her partner following a promotion.

"Still not Captain." Shepard teased, picking up on the reference to her last promotion.

"Not yet." Trish teased right back.

"Oh please don't. It's bad enough being a butterbar, I had to transfer flights in Vancouver, nearly got a sore arm acknowledging all those salutes."

"Really? You've just got back from the Villa and the first thing you do is moan about how tiring saluting is?" Nikki chuckled in acknowledgement.

"Alright, alright, point taken. It's just weird is all."

"As weird as officially being an N guy?"

"I think you mean officially being spec ops. I've got a few more courses to go before the old hands will let us be called N guys, to them N1s are classed as N babies... Ooh random subject change, I got you a present." She pulled out a see-through duty free carrier bag. "Sorry it's not wrapped, and it's a little crap and..." she handed it over but Trish didn't have a hope of thanking her as she continued with her excuses. "Only I didn't get a chance to go shopping and I didn't want to miss my plane and-"

"It's ok Nick you didn't have to get me anything, I knew the Villa wasn't likely to have a gift shop."

"Ha they missed an opportunity there, they could have had postcards and 'I survived the Villa' merchandise or 'I can't answer that question' t-shirts. Oh man, I've totally got to get an 'I can't answer that question' t-shirt."

"In-joke?"

"Yeah, I can tell you about it later if you want. Can we go get something to eat? I honestly don't know what's worse right now MREs or plane food."

"Poor baby, 4 months of nothing but MREs, it must be horrible."

"Well, that's not entirely true... we did get to spend a week on RDA tablets." Trish laughed as they headed towards the exit.

"How long have we got this time?"

"Two weeks."

"We best make the most of it then."

"My thoughts exactly."

...

 **Author's note:** For those who haven't read my other fic (or just forgot, it was only a throw away line in there as well) RDA (Recommended Daily Allowance) tablets are small pills scientifically constructed to contain the exact nutritional value recommended for the average human to consume each day in order to be healthy. Most commonly used in spec ops survival kits and emergency aid relief packages or anywhere the acquisition and storage of food may prove to be problematic. While effective in providing what the body needs, people prefer not to use them unless they have to as their small size means psychologically you still feel hungry, the stomach is still empty so increased risk of acid reflux and it also leaves taste buds feeling unsatisfied.


	33. Chapter 33

"This is actually pretty accurate," Nikki stated as they began trekking through an artificial rainforest in the so called 'safari museum', originally built as an upgrade to, and then finally becoming a replacement for, the old San Francisco Zoo. "Nowhere near as hot and humid as the real thing of course, but enough to get the idea across and it **looks** pretty much spot on." Trish had been a little surprised that her partner had chosen this habitat first, figuring she would be bored of jungles by now after her stint at the Villa. Although the surprise was apparently too late to earn her bonus points.

They had compromised slightly over the whole 'who is taking who out' aspect and instead of fully planning everything for her own date Trish had given Nick a datapad full of options that were acceptable and told her to pick one. The idea had been for her to still not know exactly what would happen, while giving Nikki the confidence of knowing that yes Trish would enjoy her decision. Plus leave plenty of ideas in reserve for the future. In typical Shepard fashion her girlfriend had been determined to try and squeeze them all into the two weeks to give her the best possible time and Trish had been forced to remind her that she still needed to go to work on some of those days and there was plenty of time to spread them out over future shore leaves.

Her introspection was broken by sudden, fast movement in the corner of her eye. There was a flash of orange and a bestial roar, but before she had a chance to react or even any time to process what she'd seen she was grabbed and spun round, coming to rest behind her marine. She peeked over Nikki's shoulder just in time to see a life size animatronic tiger come to a stop in front of them. A haptic display popping up beside it to allow access to photos, information and videos on the creature. Brain catching up to what happened and noting the way Nikki had instinctively reacted to put herself between the imagined danger, she couldn't help teasing her.

"Well done, very impressive, now what's your plan to beat the dangerous beastie without any weapons or armour?"

"I hadn't thought that far ahead." Trish could feel a faint wave of self-conscious awkwardness rolling off the soldier for the over the top reaction and decided not to embarrass her further, or at least, not just yet. Instead she leant her head round and kissed her on the cheek, whispering:

"Thank you for protecting me from the non-existent threat."

"You're welcome."

"In future you should probably think about your own survival first though." There was a non committal grunt as Nicola fired up a video clip and pretended to be throughly enthralled by it's contents. Trish taking the opportunity to hug her from behind, the last of the N1's tension fading away as she relaxed in the civilian's arms. "They look magnificent, imagine what they must have been like in real life. Do they have any pics of the babies?"

"The babies were called cubs apparently." Nick informed her as she found the relevant file, smiling at the instant exclamation of cuteness.

...

Twenty minutes after leaving the tiger behind, Shepard proved her ability to follow orders when they triggered another big cat display. As the patchy tan coloured predator moved towards them, she pushed the civilian towards it and set off in the other direction, cackling hysterically and pushing herself up into the branches of a nearby tree.

"Idiot! You know they can climb right?" Trish yelled behind her, the twinkle in her eyes assuring her she wasn't in too much trouble. She had just turned back to the display, filled with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge when-

"What the fuck!" She faced the noise just in time to see her girlfriend scramble hurriedly out the tree, a telltale orange glow revealing another display. "Who the hell puts a snake in a tree?" She burst out laughing as Nikki strolled over with as much dignity as she could muster.

"Mother Nature Nick. Mother Nature puts snakes in trees." The marine huffed and decided to change the subject:

"Find anything interesting on spotty here?"

...

Three species later Nikki realised that they weren't going to be seeing everything today. There were multiple ways to experience the safari depending on personal preference, with most people choosing which animals they wanted to see in advance and the attraction's optional app to their omni-tool plotting a route showing how to get between them efficiently.

The app could also be used to customize the experience with options on whether to trigger animal encounters that weren't on your 'to see' list when setting off the proximity settings. Somewhat naively they had decided to forego the route planner and simply wander the grounds, leaving it completely to chance what they'd find. Every time they triggered a new exhibit Trish would become engrossed in the display, devouring every piece of information she could find.

As Trish stared enrapt at the explanation of how the nocturnal Aye-aye used it's long thin middle finger like a woodpecker's beak to search for grubs inside trees, Nikki started browsing the extranet on her omni-tool, by the time they were informed how superstitious Madagascan tribes used to believe the Aye-aye was a death dealing demon that should be killed on sight she had just finished upgrading them both to an annual membership pass.

...

"That bad huh?" Nikki didn't even have to ask how the meeting went. Today was the day Trish presented her proposals to the board. Proposals that would see the bluewire's shield bonus double. She had been so excited this morning as she left for work, it was a sharp contrast to the angry, irritated woman who returned.

"Too expensive. It could make the difference between life and death in combat for our troops and it's too fucking expensive!" She raged, flopping down onto the sofa in defeat. "Ever wondered how much a soldier's life is worth? Not that much apparently."

"Relax babe, we're used to it."

"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE USED TO IT!" Nikki smiled at the outburst, safe in the knowledge that the anger wasn't aimed at her.

"Oh but we are, it's in Murphy's regs and everything: 'Never forget your weapon is made by the lowest bidder'. It's right in between 'when you have secured an area don't forget to tell the enemy' and 'friendly fire isn't'."

"What other pearls of wisdom did Murphy set for you?"

"Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at." Trish shook her head despairingly but Nick caught the faint twitch at the corner of her mouth. "Oh and a very important one, 'the enemy only ever attacks on two occasions: when you're ready for them and when you're not!'" Trish's response was more of a scoff than a laugh but she'd take it.

...

"You know there's these people called dentists you could go to." Trish stated, swirling the wine around in her glass above her empty plate as she waited for Nikki to finish eating. She wasn't sure if it was coincidence or if they somehow subconsciously paced themselves against each other, but normally they'd finish their meals within a couple of minutes of one another. She'd been dimly aware yesterday that it took Nikki longer than normal to finish, but they'd been talking so she hadn't paid much attention to it until she noticed her falling behind again tonight. Then she'd paid closer attention and started noticing the microscopic clues.

"Why bother? It only hurts when I'm eating, it's not a problem the rest of the time."

" _Yeah_... Next thing I know you'll be saying your lungs only hurt when you breathe! Believe it or not teeth aren't supposed to hurt at any time Nick." The soldier shrugged nonchalantly as she swallowed another mouthful, piling more food onto her fork as she answered:

"Normally it stops hurting on it's own, just needs a bit of time is all. I'll give it another couple of weeks, if it's still hurting after that I'll think about it." Trish shook her head despairingly but said nothing as she took a sip of wine. Shepard took another bite, nearly managing to hide the slight grimace at the sharp jolt of pain as a piece of food hit the problem tooth.

"Come on this is stupid, just because you can deal with worse pain doesn't mean you have to. It's not even like you have to pay, the Alliance has dental plans you know?"

"Yeah right, I'll go in with one sore tooth and come out with half my mouth missing and needing dentures. I'm pretty sure they still use pliers and no anesthetic." This time there was a quirk to the corner of Trish's lips even as she shook her head again.

"You are **far** too stubborn."

...

"I knew I should have got everything ready last night... Seriously, where's my uniform?"

"I don't know, have you tried the study?"

"Why would it-" Nikki trailed off as she remembered _**exactly**_ why her uniform would be sprawled across the other room in pieces and decided to change questions instead. "How do I not have a spare one here?"

"Probably because you went straight on leave after getting promoted. Can't you just wear an old one?"

"I think people might notice. There's a difference between Sergeant no.2s and Lieutenant no.1s you know." There was a snort and Nikki turned quizzically towards the sound, she shook her head with a sigh as she realised what it was that her girlfriend found funny. "I swear your mind's as dirty as a marine's sometimes."

As great as the sight of her partner in her underwear was, Trish decided she best get up and help. Although admittedly that decision may have been swayed by the fact that Nikki had left the room and she could no longer just lay there watching appreciatively from the bed.

By the time she made it to the study Nikki had acquired and put on some trousers, spotting the hat under the desk she went to collect it just as the civilian's alarm went off. "Great, and now I've got to get ready as well."

"At least _you_ can wear what ever you want at work." Nikki dismissed good naturedly as she searched for the rest of her uniform.

"We **do** still have to look smart you know."

"Pfft, just rock up in a t-shirt with an MRI scan of your brain on it, you'll be fine." Trish laughed, putting the hat on her still topless girlfriend along with a kiss which was instantly and happily returned. After probably too long and nowhere near long enough the soldier pulled away. "You know this is **exactly** what got us into this mess in the first place!"


	34. Chapter 34

It was a fact of dating service personnel that just because you had something planned in advance didn't mean you'd get to do it. Trish would never say she exactly **liked** that element of her relationship with Nikki, but she understood and accepted it. So after half an hour had elapsed since their vid call had been scheduled and she still hadn't received any kind of explanation or apology, she didn't bother getting angry. Sure she was disappointed, she'd been looking forward to it all day, but it was hardly the first time it had happened and she knew it wouldn't be the last. Instead she made herself a hot chocolate with marshmallows, made sure the volume on her omni-tool was on max in case Nikki finally tried to call and curled up on the sofa to binge watch her latest guilty pleasure.

Four episodes later she was struggling to keep her eyes open, the clock on the wall informing her it was nearly tomorrow already. Giving up and calling it a night, she was halfway through brushing her teeth when she was startled by a far too loud message alert as an email made it to her inbox.

[Hey babe, I am so so sorry. Something unexpected came up at work. Any chance we can try again same time tomorrow? Let me know. Love Nikki. (P.S. Hope I didn't wake you, sorry) ] Trish finished getting ready for bed, snuggling under the duvet before typing a reply.

[Figured it was something like that. You ok? I'm busy tomorrow, if you plus two hours to the start time I should hopefully be free. It's ok, didn't wake me, just turning in now.]

[Plus two hours copy that. Hopefully we can get tomorrow to work out. Don't worry I'm five by five, so's all my guys. Night then, sweet dreams.]

...

"Sorry about last night." Nikki apologised again as soon as Trish answered the call, the civilian giving her a subtle once over to check for wounds, relaxing when she didn't find any.

"It's alright."

"So, uhh, I know it might seem random but are you still wanting a puppy?" There was something slightly off in her partner's voice but she couldn't work out what it was.

"Yes I am." She hedged cautiously, she'd been thinking on and off about getting a pet for a while now and while there were plenty of lower maintenance, much more logical options, her heart kept coming back to rest on a dog.

"You haven't got one yet have you?"

"No, but-"

"Oh good!"

"That's it? You're not going to let me talk about it?"

"What? No no no, wait babe, I didn't mean it like that. I just wanted to make sure you didn't already have one, I might have found you a possible candidate. Ramirez bring her over!" Shepard turned her head and raised her voice on the last sentence and there was a pause before another pair of arms entered frame, carefully depositing a small bundle of fluff on the table. "What do you think?"

"Where did you find her?"

"Remember that unexpected job last night? Ghost ship. Little critter here was the only living thing onboard. Well... Unless you count the flora, two cacti plants and a bonsai tree, they've already found new homes though."

"The plants found homes before the puppy?"

"Well uh... I err... _**may**_ have pulled rank on the rest of the response team to get you right of first refusal." The soldier looked sheepish, rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment and Trish couldn't hold back her laugh.

"What happened to 'I'm not going to be one of those bitches who goes around pulling rank all the time'?"

"You kept saying you wanted a dog!"

"I did! I do. This isn't going to turn into one of those horror vids where it turns out the only reason she was found alive is to act as host to some creepy malevolent being so it can escape to civilization and find more prey is it?" Nikki smiled but offered neither confirmation or denial as she simply shrugged.

"Med team did a full check up, there's starting signs of malnutrition but otherwise healthy and no abnormalities. We've still got a long way to go before we next make planetfall so I'm sure if it is a demon dog it'll start picking off crew members before then." The soldier's face suddenly grew more serious. "You **can** say no if you don't want her you know. There's plenty people on the ship willing to adopt her. Pretty sure the only reason the captain didn't pull rank on me is because her husband's allergic."

"Does she have a name? The dog, not the captain I mean." Shepard smiled at the way Trish felt a need to clarify.

"Not yet, you can pick one if you decide to keep her."

"Let me see her paws, I want to know how big she's likely to get." The camera tilted to fulfill her order, showing off fuzzy black and tan paws on a spotless mess table. "Great, now any chance I can see them next to something I actually know the size of for comparison?" The camera moved back to its original position, Nikki picking up the pup and holding it up to her face, extending one paw out and placing it over her lips. "You can quit with the puppy eyes."

"Don't be silly, she can't help it, she's a dog!"

"I meant you doofus!"

...

"I decided on a name. What do you think about Judy?" Nikki didn't look up from playing with the puppy in question as she answered with a slight shrug.

"Whatever you want babe."

"You don't like it."

"It's fine. I said you could choose, didn't I."

"What's wrong with Judy?"

"Nothing!" Trish fixed her partner with a look. "I just... wouldn't have minded something a little more badass. Judy's fine though."

"A name doesn't guarantee personality traits you know. Besides, two dogs named Judy have won the Dickin medal." She got a blank look of confusion at that but it was one that translated into 'if you're going to talk about this then please explain more' rather than 'shut up with all the confusing crap'. "It's a gallantry award for animals created during the Second World War. That was before the first human in space by the way."

"I know. I do know _**some**_ history."

"Just making sure, I know how distracted you used to get in Mrs Lewis's class." There was the faintest hints of a blush as the soldier ducked her head down with a smile.

"So, what did the Judys do to earn their medals?" It was the first Nikki had heard about any of this but she knew if Trish had learnt this much she'd have researched much deeper into it as well.

"One of them was one half of a pair of boxer dogs called Punch and Judy who saved two British officers in Israel from an armed terrorist, getting severely wounded in the attack, and the other was a mascot on a Royal Navy gunboat who had all kinds of crazy adventures. Including surviving two sinking ships, trekking through 200 miles of jungle, three years in various Japanese P.O.W camps. She saved lives, not only helping drowning sailors reach floating debris but distracting guards for the prisoners and warning about tigers and elephants..." She trailed off, her eyes glistening with unshed tears as she thought back to the heartbreaking details of hardship and heroism in the book she'd downloaded purely out of curiosity. Nikki had a smile on her face as she saw the passion with which Trish spoke.

"Okay I take it back, Judy's a great name for a dog. I love it. It's like a secret badass name, nobody will suspect how awesome it is but we'll know... Nuh, uh, get back over here Judy." The soldier raised slightly from a sitting to a kneeling position in order to overcome the puppy's attempt to wander off and cause trouble. "So did you find all this out before or after I secured you a dog?"

"Well it- Hang on, are you guys playing with a sock?"

"Yeah." The civilian groaned in despair. "What? There's not exactly an abundance of dog toys on Alliance warships you know."

"I know sweetheart but you couldn't have chosen something other than an item of clothing? If you're not careful she's going to think all socks are toys, it'll be a nightmare."

"Oh, sorry babe I didn't think of that. I'll find something else tomorrow. Cobb had a baseball but it's too big and hard for her tiny mouth at the moment. Maybe I should hijack the ship's comms, ask if anybody has any little balls I can play with." There was an instant snort.

"Maybe don't word it **quite** like that."

...

Trish watched the steady flow of uniforms disembarking from the ship, desperately trying to catch a glimpse of her marine, but it was actually Judy she saw first. It was lucky Nikki had sent her an almost constant bombardment of photos because she doubted she'd have recognised it as the same tiny ball of fluff she had seen on vid call so long ago. Although thinking about it she highly doubted there were TWO dogs on an Alliance vessel. Then her eyes drifted up, meeting those of the lieutenant holding Judy's leash and she pretty much stopped thinking altogether. She no longer noticed the people around them, the dropped leash, the instantly obeyed order to sit and stay... They finally let their mouths part for air but didn't relinquish their hug and Trish rested her head on Shepard's shoulder, gazing contentedly out at the rest of the docks before her attention was drawn to one thing in particular.

"Umm... Nikki?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are people saluting the dog?"

"Ah..." The soldier twisted her head round to see, sure enough a steady stream of enlisted personnel were slowing as they passed in order to salute. The young puppy nodding an acknowledgement back at each and every one of them. "... It's a long story."

"What did you do this time?" Trish demanded with a long suffering sigh.

"Hey! It wasn't actually my fault this time... Mostly..." Trish just stared her down, eyebrow raised disbelievingly. "Well... You know how the navy's such a stickler for regs and traditions right?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Well after you decided we were going to keep her, me and Judy started spending more time together. If I wasn't on duty she'd be with me." Trish had noticed their growing bond even in the photos. "She even started kipping on my bunk and... Well what with me being in officer's quarters..."

"They made the dog an officer?" One corner of Nikki's lips quirked up as she nodded.

"Ensign Judy Shepard." There was a beat, her half smile evolving into a full face grin as she deadpanned: "She's got dogtags and everything!"

...

"Then there was the case of whether or not singing 'Hey Jude' at a dog counts as disrespecting an officer." Nikki continued regaling Trish with the nonclassified highlights of her latest tour, as they made their way back from registering Judy at the vets.

"Seriously? Surely there were more important issues for the navy to focus on than that."

"What can I say? There's a lot more down time now I don't have to constantly fix and maintain vehicles. It was a very serious discussion among the ground team over a game of Skyllian Five."

"Alright I'll bite, what was the verdict?"

"Well we decided that it would depend on whether or not the officer in question felt offended."

"And how did you determine that, did you ask her?"

"We tried, but between Cobb waving his baseball around trying to get her to follow the movement and nod, and Vakas trying the same thing with food to try and get her to shake her head, we felt any answer was void due to attempted coercion and decided it depended on whether or not Judy had a sense of humour."

"And how did you decide if she had a sense of humour?"

"Oh that's easy, she was sleeping with me and didn't attempt either suicide or murder, she must have a sense of humour!" Trish burst out laughing, before a devious thought occurred to her and she struggled to stifle her chuckles long enough to force the words out.

"Wait... She was _**sleeping**_ with you? They brought this up as evidence and didn't try to put you on a fraternization charge?" It was well worth it, Nikki's jaw dropped, face blushing before she released a guffaw of laughter.

"That is brilliant! My new squad suck for not picking up on that. Badger would totally have pounced on the frat card."

...

"Nikki, what's wrong with your dog?" She'd be honest, that wasn't the first thing she'd been expecting to hear when she walked through the door with the food shopping. Especially when she hadn't been able to hide the large, brightly coloured water gun sticking out the top of one of the bags.

"Uh oh, my dog already? I could have sworn she was ours when I left the house."

"And I thought you said she was already trained?"

"She is! Don't tell me you've broken her already?" Shepard tried to tease but a look at her partner's face warned her off that idea. "What's the problem?"

"She won't sit, or come when I call, or listen when I tell her to do something."

"You sure you're using the right words of command?"

"Yes, I've got your list right here." She waved her omni-tool as proof.

"They worked fine on the ship... Why don't you show me?" The civilian walked to the other side of the room to get the puppy's attention,

"Judy, sit." Nothing happened.

"Hmm. Maybe make it sound more like an order? Let me try... Ensign, **sit!** " Judy obeyed immediately and Nikki turned back to her girlfriend with a grin. "See?"

"Seriously!?" Nicola's grin instantly evapourated.

"What?"

"That's how everybody's been instructing her on the ship?" She nodded nervously, sensing Trish was upset with something she'd done but having no clue what it could be. There was a deep sigh. "You trained her to respond to her rank not her name?" Understanding dawned and Nikki face palmed.

"Sorry, I didn't think... sorry... I'll retrain her, she's still young enough, it should be fine and-" She was cut off mid sentence.

"You could have just **told** me you didn't like the name Judy you know. You didn't have to sabotage her training." Nikki's eyes widened in panic, completely missing the mischievous look that had appeared in Trish's pale blue orbs.

"I didn't! I swear it wasn't deliberate babe, I promise. I didn't think. I've not had a pet before and, and... and... I sure as hell wouldn't use her rank if I was going to do it on purpose! That's just stupid. I mean, what if she got a promotion?" Trish wasn't able to contain her laughter any longer.

"Calm down sweetie, I've already forgiven you." She gave the lieutenant a quick peck on the cheek to prove it and Nikki took the opportunity of their closeness to grab her partner's hand, entwining their fingers and brushing her thumb over the back of the hand apologetically.

"I'm sorry. I will try and retrain her before I go back to the villa I promise."

"Don't worry about it. It's fine." Trish's attention finally drifted over to the shopping bags, focusing on the bright blue and orange plastic that she didn't remember putting on the list. "Oh God, what've you bought now?" Nikki smirked. **That** was what she'd been expecting to hear when she walked through the door!


	35. Anhur

"Shepard, I need a driver. Want the job?" The lieutenant looked up from where she sat soaking up the sun with her fellow survivors of the latest level of N training to see Anderson walking towards her. He'd worded it as a question not an order, but still... she'd be an idiot to turn down the chance to work with an N7 of his calibre.

"Are we talking to the airport, or a different country... Out of system?" _Ok, so thinking about it the airport's pretty unlikely since he could just jump in the shuttle with the rest of us when it gets here but still..._

"Out of system... Eagle Nebula. Officially unofficial N mission."

"Sure, why not. Just give me a minute to make a call. Let the missus know I'm not coming home tonight after all." He nodded and settled against a nearby wall, pulling out his omni-tool to finalize their transport and equipment. Where they were going it was important not to be carrying Alliance gear. He wasn't **trying** to eavesdrop but despite her wandering a little way off to the side and keeping her voice low, he couldn't help overhearing her side of the conversation.

"Hey babe, I'm afraid I got some bad news... What? **NO!** Of course I passed thank you very much!" Anderson fought to keep the smile off his face at the indignation in the freshly graduated N4's voice as she dialed it back down to the original soft tone.

"I won't be able to make it back tonight, one of the big bosses wants me for a job... It's out of system that's all I know so far... I don't know, if I had to guess maybe about three, possibly four weeks... Yeah I know, sorry. Look at it this way you get time to think of some good forfeits for when I get back... Uhh no, it's always been one forfeit per week... no you don't get one a day if it goes over three weeks... alright, alright, fine. Damn I'm going to regret ever agreeing to this aren't I? Just do me a favour and make sure they're all legal this time... Shit I think boss man can hear me, he's smiling... No Trish, officer's don't just smile for no reason... Yeah yeah, I know, I'm not a proper officer. Look I should go... Yeah I'll be careful, I'm always careful... Hey, that was **not** my fault! Okay okay, I promise to be careful. I really gotta go though, love you... Yeah I'll let you know when I know... Love you too, bye." She finally hung up the call and walked over to Anderson with a look in her eye that said 'don't you dare' but he just couldn't help it.

"Boss man?"

"Yes Sir?" The audio response was professional and neutral sounding, but if looks could kill then it was a good thing he was already in body armour. He wasn't done yet though.

"Manage to get your permission slip signed Shepard?"

"Aww hell, I am **so** going to regret this aren't I... Uh, Sir." He laughed.

"Come on, let's go. I'll fill you in once we're in transit."

...

"We're supplying weapons to batarians?" The N4 tried her hardest to keep her voice neutral, to hide the stinging accusation behind her words as she looked at the photo of their contact. Judging by Anderson's narrowed eyes she'd failed.

"No, we're supplying weapons to the abolitionists." She stayed silent, managing to bite back her almost retort of: 'Looks a lot like a batarian to me.' She wasn't _**that**_ stupid. Unfortunately she wasn't able to stop the defiant spark in her eyes in time.

"Is there something I should know Shepard?" Despite the apparent vagueness of his question it was obvious what the N7 was asking. The recent events at Torfan were on everybody's mind right now; how an Alliance officer dubbed 'The Butcher' by the media had refused to accept the batarian slavers' surrender and ordered them slaughtered, Anderson wouldn't want to risk a repeat on his watch.

She carefully weighed up her options, seriously considering telling him 'no, no problem, everything's fine. I was just a bit surprised is all'. Or maybe just be flippant: 'Tyra T'Sansis just became the eighth highest scorer in biotiball history despite being three centuries younger than anyone else in the Top Ten'. His deep penetrating gaze assured her he'd see right through it though, and she knew he wouldn't appreciate any attempt to deceive. She gave a soft exhale, voice quiet as she admitted: "I'm Mindorian Sir."

He hid his reaction much better than her. Either that or she missed it during the brief second of introspection where she wondered if it was good or bad that simply naming her home planet was enough to answer such a question. At least it saved her from having to recount specifics.

"I'm sorry Shepard, but it doesn't change the mission. If you're going to have a problem with the objectives or trouble following orders on the ground I need to know now." She shook her head but Anderson looked far from convinced.

"How much do you know about Anhur Shepard?"

"Sir? Not a lot, only what I've heard on the news. Garden world, been engaged in a civil war between slavers and abolitionists since '76." He nodded, _at least she didn't say batarian slavers._

"It's much more than that. It was founded in 2165, when the batarians still had an embassy on the Citadel. The Alliance and Hegemony were both petitioning for colonization rights in the Traverse and independent colonists from both species put forward the idea of cohabitation. It was a trial idea and in the beginning it worked. It worked right up until the moment a human so called businessman decided to legalise slavery, on paper out of deference to batarian culture but completely ignoring the part where most of the colonists left the hegemony to get away from those traditions. The civil war is being fought by two groups, the Na'hesit are pro slavery and made up of batarian traditionalists and humans. The abolitionists are likewise made up of both humans and batarian colonists. Each side also makes extensive use of mercenaries of all species. Raz is one of the leading abolitionists. On Anhur you can't work out who the good guys and the bad guys are by counting the number of eyes."

"I promise not to shoot anyone unless they're shooting at me or I'm ordered to. Good enough Sir?" Anderson's exhale wasn't quite a sigh but it was close.

"Try to keep an open mind Shepard, a lot of people like to say 'they don't have a problem with aliens they've just never met a good one'. Well on Anhur you might just meet them." She opened her mouth to protest; she **didn't** have a problem with aliens, just slavers, and it wasn't _**her**_ fault most batarians were slavers. She thought better of it. Holding her hands up in a gesture of surrender.

"It **won't** be a problem."

...

Despite her assurances Shepard couldn't help the way her skin itched as she walked through the camp. She'd never been this close to armed batarians without them trying to kill or enslave her before and she was seriously outnumbered if they tried something. She knew the itch was purely psychological, like how her scalp tickled when Trish talked about her colleague's daughter's school having an outbreak of head lice, or people feeling better after taking medicine that was actually only a placebo. That knowledge still didn't stop her from having to divert brain power into consciously making sure her hand didn't stray too close to her sidearm.

She'd been a little wary of leaving their vehicle unguarded in the compound's main car park, especially considering it contained all the military supplies they'd brought with them, but Anderson hadn't hesitated so she followed his command without complaint. He had done this before after all. She did lock everything and set it so her omni-tool would receive an alert if anyone tried tampering with it though, that was just good old-fashioned common sense.

"Goliath, it's good to see you again!" Came the loud call from a human walking towards them in armour so scratched, battered and covered in grime that it was hard to tell what its original colour had been. Despite the disheveled appearance Shepard could tell from his body language and the behavior of the people around them that he was a person of some importance in these parts. A batarian moved in perfect sync beside him but even with her limited experience identifying individual batarians she knew it wasn't their contact. Snot coloured skin instead of the sandy tone with rusty patches that Raz had had in the photo. Once the duo were close enough the human spoke again, this time in a much lower voice. "We have a problem."

"I should have known. People are only ever happy to see me when they've got a problem." Anderson replied, nodding when the human gestured for him to enter a nearby tent. "Aries wait here. Play nice." Shepard rolled her eyes but stayed put, turning her back to the tent and sweeping her eyes across the camp, senses on constant high alert for the first hint of trouble. She tried to ignore the snot green batarian that had remained outside with her but couldn't help tensing when he moved closer.

"Relax _'Aries'_ , orange band good, green band is your enemy." If he were human she might have shared a smirk at the knowing emphasis he put on her call sign as he pointed at the rag tied round his arm, instead she simply nodded to show she understood. Race wasn't the only difference among the variety of soldiers in the camp, it seemed no two armours were the same and the flash of orange cloth or paint on the arms were the only proof that they were all gathered to fight for the same cause. "Shooting or seeing?" She was as surprised by the batarian's continued attempt to strike up a conversation as she was confused by his words.

"Uh, what? Sorry I don't understand."

"You carzihald," She frowned as her translator fumbled over the word while he pointed at her. "Is it because you used to fighting us or you watch batarians do bad things?"

"Both." Her voice was clipped and brusque. She didn't want this conversation and she sure as hell wasn't giving him any more information no matter how much Anderson told her to 'play nice'. Something must have slipped through her mask though because the batarian nodded sympathetically before pointing to himself.

"My mother was a slave, am told father was an idiot. High born, fell in love, died liberating her. I was born free because of him." He shrugged carelessly. "Slavery's bad."

"On that we can agree." He chuckled, picking something out of a bag and eating it before offering the bag out to the human. Shepard eyed it suspiciously.

"Only poisonous to turians," he reassured her. "You're **not** turian are you?" Shepard chuckled despite herself.

"Not that I know of." She reached in and pulled out the peace offering, it reminded her of a humbug in appearance only with purple and gold stripes. She popped it in her mouth, sucking just once before spitting it out in a hurry. "Urgh! What the hell is that?"

"An acquired taste." The batarian deadpanned as the mixed species assembly of mercenaries and freedom fighters burst out laughing.

"Is that its official name?" Shepard asked, grabbing the offered drinks flask without hesitation and gulping down the cool nectar within without sparing a second thought to whether or not it was poisoned. Before he could respond Anderson's curt voice carried out the tent:

" **Aries get in here!"** She passed the flask back to snotty, only then realising she didn't know his name, and hurried into what was, from the inside, easily identifiable as a temporary command centre. Maps and computer terminals littered every surface, boxes piled high in the corners but it was empty of people apart from the two men and herself. Despite requesting her presence Anderson seemed to be ignoring her, engaged in a heated though whispered debate.

"You know that's well outside my mission parameters. If the council ever found out-"

"Oh come off it Goliath, the council would flip anyway if they found out your employers were supplying us."

"Don't try threatening me Marcus, it doesn't suit you."

"I know, I'm sorry, but the situation is critical. None of my people could pull off a rescue and he knows everything! If he breaks under interrogation... Hell even if he doesn't... If word gets out morale will plummet. We can have all the weapons in the galaxy, but our cause will fail without people to use them. We can't afford to have the men lose faith." Shepard stayed silent, simply absorbing the information both heard and implied from the conversation until Anderson finally lifted his head to look at her and provide an update.

"Mission's compromised. Raz was captured by the Na'hesit. Marcus seems to think the two of us could get him back. Thoughts?" She managed to hide her surprise at being asked for her opinion, taking a moment to think through what she knew. The Council had been very clear when it forbid both the Alliance and Hegemony from getting involved in the independent planet's civil war.

Sure there had been rumours of the Alliance secretly supplying the abolitionists with weapons for their cause, just as there were suspicions that it couldn't be mere coincidence that nearly every Na'hesit soldier was equipped with either a judgement pistol or terminator assault rifle, weapons only manufactured by Batarian State Arms. But there was a wealth of difference between allegations and proof.

"I take it Raz knows who pays us yes?" Both men nodded. Some people would say that complicated things but it actually made the decision remarkably simple. _If there was even the slightest chance the batarian might talk..._ She shrugged with feigned nonchalance.

"Well I don't know how they worded it to you Goliath, but I'm pretty sure my orders were to give the supplies to Raz. If he thinks he can get out of a deal by getting himself captured he's got another thing coming. I say we drag his scrawny ass back here and make him take the guns."

...

"You sure about this Kerrik? Last chance to back out." Anderson asked the batarian as Shepard careened the VT7 exaggeratedly out of the line of fire of the abolitionist vehicles following them. Their shields kept flickering on and off and they had pre-damaged certain sections of the armour before they set off, being particularly certain to knock out their comms in the most visible way possible.

They finally saw the small Na'hesit convoy they were looking for, making sure to hold direction long enough to be noticed and for the pro-slavery group to be certain they were trying to escape the enemies behind rather than leading them into battle, before turning towards them. The Na'hesit took the bait, three AX-9s peeling off to intercept the abolitionist vehicles who quickly turned and fled while Shepard tucked themselves safely into the rear of the convoy. It wasn't long before someone came to check on them.

"Why aren't you responding to the radio, are your ears defective human?"

"My ears! What about your ears? I've been requesting reinforcements for the past half hour." The turian looked at her in disbelief before taking a closer look at the vehicle.

"Well there's your problem, your comms are bust."

"My comms are bust? You've got to be kidding." Shepard followed his outstretched arm to the proof. "You can fucking see that? You can see that and you're asking why I'm not fucking responding? I was wrong it's not your ears that are the problem, your fucking brain's defective!" He opened his mouth to protest but she didn't give him a chance. "Fuck it, I don't have time for this shit! Just tell me where I got to drop this shit-stain off to collect my bounty." She gestured to Kerrik trussed up like a turkey with Anderson 'guarding' him and the turian's mandibles flared in surprise.

"That's the Eight of Spears! What- How... You can leave him with me. I'll take care of arrangements."

"Sure. You got the 50,000 credits on you?" Strangely enough he didn't. They discussed things a little longer before he gave in, telling them to see 'Taliz' when they all got back to base.

"Is she always like this?" The turian asked Anderson as he finally turned to leave. The human simply shrugged.

"No. Right now she's being nice."

"You have my sympathies."

"He don't need your gorram sympathies, he needs a new comm and some armour plating." The turian moved on, muttering about 'females' and Shepard resealed the hatch, shutting them off from the outside world. There was silence inside for several long seconds before all three of them dissolved into laughter.

"Damn that was beautiful."

"Best decision I ever made making you spokes-merc for this little jaunt."

"The look on his face!"

...

Someone must have radioed ahead about the Eight of Spears being captured because there was a sizable crowd growing by the time they pulled into the Na'hesit stronghold. The dash of green paint on their vehicle and armour, plus arriving amidst an official and expected convoy, being enough to see them waved straight through defenses that even the N7 would have struggled to overcome without incident. They disembarked, Anderson being deliberately rough as he frogmarched Kerrik through the crowd to where Taliz was supposed to be.

The batarian that rose to meet them had bleach-bone coloured skin and didn't even acknowledge the two humans as he scanned his omni-tool over the abolitionist. The tool pinged as it confirmed his identity and a second later a gunshot rung out. Anderson didn't even flinch as his prisoner hit the ground but Shepard reacted instinctively; pistol out and aimed at the shooter a split second before her brain reminded her they were supposed to be undercover, were definitely surrounded and outnumbered and she better fix things **now!**

"You better not be trying to cheat me out my bonus. He was alive when we brought him in and I expect to be paid accordingly." She said flatly, playing the merc card to the full. Laughter broke out among the throng, easing the tension back a notch, the batarian tilting its head slightly to the left. Shepard copied the gesture, paying close attention to the direction to make sure she signaled respect rather than insult, that would not go down well with the current audience.

"Of course. Silahra, the credit chits." The N4 holstered her sidearm as a female batarian walked forward, it wasn't until she'd accepted the money and the alien turned away that she noticed the telltale scars of a control chip implant on the skull. She forced herself not to visibly react, hoping she was successful. If any of the Na'hesit noticed her disgust they didn't mention it.

"Alright people, show's over. Everyone back to work. Goro, patch this Kra'tash up. I don't want him dying before interrogation." Kerrik's bleeding but not quite deceased body was lifted from the ground as the crowd dispersed, Anderson and Shepard vanishing along with them. Infiltration had been a success but now they had to wait until dark before they could launch the rescue and escape parts of their plan. At least it would give them time to fix the damage to the VT7.

...

If life was a vid she'd be creeping between shadows as she stealthily made her way though the enemy's lair. That would be far too suspicious if she was spotted however, so instead she trusted to the green band round her arm and the mild notoriety she had gained as the merc who captured the Eight of Spears to see her through and walked confidently through the mostly empty corridors as if she owned them.

She kept her hands free, all weapons safely holstered so as not to look like a threat, but make no mistake she was heavily armed, ready for combat at a moment's notice and with not a single weapon traceable back to the Alliance. Scimitar shotgun from Elkoss Combine the Terminus based volus weapons manufacturers, banshee assault rifle from private turian security firm Elanus Risk Control, and best of all the judgement pistol from Batarian State Arms. Say what you like about the batarian bastards, they knew how to make a good gun.

Fortunately they were less adept at electronic locks, linking them all into a single frequency that Anderson had found the open command code for earlier in the day. It was pathetically easy security, presumably relying on the vast merc army outside to keep anyone from getting in. Still, not having to crouch down and waste several minutes hacking each door individually on her omni-tool helped with the whole 'looking like she owned the base' thing.

The Villa had ensured she could read batarian well enough to navigate by, but it wasn't much use when the Na'hesit hadn't left any handy directional signs in the corridors. Instead she relied on the intel they'd acquired, until her ears informed her she'd successfully reached the interrogation wing. The screams revealing that along with security the Na'hesit had skimped out on sound proofed cells. A flanged voice indicated the presence of a turian and Shepard checked the corridor in both directions before pulling out a talon knife and inching closer to the door.

"In case you haven't noticed you're running out of eyes. Let's try again, where did you get the weapons?" A hoarse, involuntarily shriek of pain covered the sound of her entry, taking the scene in with a glance. Neither the batarian strapped screaming to a chair nor the one 'playing' with him noticed as she snuck behind the turian, sticking the knife between the weak point in his plates for a silent takedown just as her instructors had taught her.

The remaining inhabitants of the room still hadn't noticed her but she knew that would change if she moved towards them. The angle was wrong for her preferred 'instant kill' target but she threw the knife anyway, gaining enough of an advantage to charge across the room unimpeded and plunge her omni-blade through his top left eye. Both hostiles down she double checked the corridor was still clear and shut the door before turning her attention to the prisoner.

Blood and bruises littered his face and body making identification tricky. The top left eye had been disfigured by acid while where each of the right eyes should have been there were now merely empty sockets, leaving just the bottom left functioning, albeit it looking a little bloodshot.

"What's your name?" The solitary working eye fixed on her, any hope of rescue fading as he took in her armour.

"Go to hell Na'hesit scum!"

"I'm not Na'hesit, and it's the only question I want answered." He snorted disbelievingly but answered anyway, after all his torturers knew who he was already, it was why they'd made sure he hadn't died yet.

"Raz."

"Can you walk?"

"What happened to just one question?"

"Bloody hell, first Kerrik now you. Nobody told me Anhur was a penal colony for batarian comedians." Before he could reply she triggered her comms to give Anderson an update. "Goliath, package secured but damaged. No sign of horse yet." A double click on the comms indicated the N7 had heard but couldn't answer verbally. She started pulling out packets of medi-gel as she analyzed the battered batarian.

"Why couldn't you be a damn turian or asari, I know first aid for them." She grumbled halfheartedly as she rubbed the miracle cure across any open wounds she could see and hoped for the best. She was just releasing him from his bonds when the comms crackled back to life.

"Aries, horse is secured. Do you need help moving package? Over."

"Negative I can manage. Go get the engine running." She handed Raz a knife to hide up his sleeve, mainly because she'd hate to be unarmed in his position but didn't quite trust him with a gun, and silently hoped she wasn't about to be stabbed in the back.

"This is going to hurt." She warned before pulling him to his feet and positioning his arms behind his back although leaving them untied. "Come on. We're just a regular prisoner and escort going for a stroll."

...

"Remind me why we went for the version **without** a turret gun?" Anderson was busy tending to the two batarians in the back as Shepard drove, trying to ride the fine line between maneuvering enough to avoid the worst of the enemy fire and limiting the jostling of their wounded VIP. The explosive distraction they had prepared earlier in the day to help with their escape had taken out most of the armoury and a fair chunk of the motor pool, but those vehicles that survived the blast were quickly manned and sent after them, the head start over their pursuers shrinking minutely each time she had to adjust course.

"Because we're supposed to look like regular mercs." He knew where this was going of course, he probably shouldn't have answered, she already knew the answer and was just being facetious.

"And who's shooting at us?"

"Mercs."

"Right, and what are they shooting at us with?" _Turret guns._

"Aries, I picked you for your driving not your lip."

"Oh don't worry Goliath, I'm providing the lip free of charge." A wheezy chuckle escaped the batarian and Anderson couldn't help the faint smile on his lips. Usually the only people willing to banter with him under fire were First Contact era N7s, a rather select group whose number grew smaller every year, it was rare for them to be teamed up together on a mission and he hadn't realised how much he missed it until he was paired with the youngster. Satisfied he'd done all he could for Raz, he picked up his rifle and headed for the hatch.

...

"Goliath, switch to shotgun, brace for impact and prepare to fire 7 o'clock low." The sudden order was so calm, collected and above all sure of itself that he didn't dare question it. Not the fact that there was currently nothing on his seven, or that it was issued by a subordinate. He switched weapons and waited, the adrenaline in his veins making it seem like longer than the handful of seconds it probably actually was. He noted how they veered slightly to the right then Shepard slammed on the brakes, not quite hard enough to stop completely, yanking the steering wheel to one side, bumping one of their overshooting pursuers off course into a second vehicle and sending them crashing into the canyon that had suddenly appeared seemingly out of nowhere on the left.

She continued maneuvering and all of a sudden his seven o'clock was no longer empty, lining up perfectly with the narrow slit in the driving compartment of one of the AX-9s, he took the shot, killing the asari driver and wounding the batarian navigator beside her. Shepard put her foot down and they were speeding away, back in the direction they'd come from, leaving chaos and confusion in their wake.

It wouldn't last of course. The Na'hesit would regroup and resume their hunt but at least they'd thinned the pack. With luck they'd enter comm range of their abolitionist allies before long and be able to call down reinforcements.

...

For the second time in as many days Shepard found herself driving into a militant camp as part of a convoy, an excited crowd gathering due to news about her passengers. She struggled not to flinch under the congratulatory pats on the back, she knew they just wanted to show their thanks, but it was still a swarm of random, unknown batarian hands reaching out at her. She couldn't help that the contact made her uneasy, her fight or flight instinct sending adrenaline coursing through her veins. All she could do was control her reactions and hope nobody noticed. The horde parted for Marcus who failed to hide his wince at the sight of Raz, bloody but unbowed.

"You look like shit."

"You **sound** like shit." Came the battered batarian's reply.

"Come, let's get you a doctor." There was a groan.

"Haven't I suffered enough?" There were chuckles from just about every warrior within hearing distance. Some things truly transcended species. With their mission complete the two N operatives turned back to the truck, hoping to slip away unobserved. Their plan failed, the one-eyed batarian being the one to notice their escape attempt.

"Wait! How can we ever repay you?" The duo shared a glance, Anderson shrugged, Shepard smiled.

"Just make sure you win."

"We should probably at least give you medals or something."

"Medals, what for? We were never even here." Raz tilted his head in the batarian gesture of respect, Kerrik replicating the action beside him, followed by large chunks of the crowd. When something similar had happened in the Na'hesit camp, Shepard had responded how she felt necessary in order to maintain her cover. This time it was genuine as she looked unflinchingly into his single remaining eye and tilted her head left.

...

 **Author's note:** I know I know, how dare I give you a Trish-less chapter! However at some point the council's going to ask for Spectre candidates and I doubt the top of their entry requirements is going to read as: must be able to make their girlfriend smile, have a wicked sense of humour, be a great kisser and apologise profusely. No, it's much more likely to read: must be a badass, able to pull of impossible deeds with bonus points to unorthodox strategies and tactics.

Plus, back when Elysium happened without Shepard a few of you felt I was leading Nikki towards Torfan and I felt one way or another it was time for her to acknowledge those feelings/issues. At the moment I estimate about four or five more chapters before we reach Eden Prime and the games, although that may change if I suddenly have a muse attack with something new. As always let me know if there's anything in particular you like or something you felt didn't work.


	36. Chapter 36

They strolled contentedly through the park, Trish wrapped around Nicola's left arm while her right threw tennis balls for the dog with a plastic launcher. A blue glow caught their attention through the trees, immediately followed by a shriek and moments later panicked shouting.

"Stay there! Don't come any closer. Get down on the ground! Stand still! Don't come any closer or I'll shoot."

"What- What's happening too me?"

"Jesus Nick, that's a child." The soldier had gone on alert the moment the light appeared, but at that she pressed the ball thrower into Trish's hand.

"Stay here!" She was running before the words finished leaving her mouth, but Trish ignored her command and was hot on her tail. They broke through the tree line, Nikki sticking her arm out to halt her so they could take in the scene and observe what was happening for a moment rather than just rushing in headlong with no clue.

A young girl stood wreathed in blue light, tears streaming down her face as she stared in panic at her hands. The dark energy feeding off her emotions and flaring wildly, evoking even more fear and trapping her in an unbreakable cycle. The space directly around her was empty as people fled the scene, but true to human nature a fair few had stopped and turned to watch once they reached what they hoped was a safe distance. The closest remaining person appeared to be an off duty security guard, his pistol pointed at the perceived threat despite the uncertainty and conflict clear on his face between protecting the rest of the public and having to point his weapon at a kid.

"I want my mummy!" Trish's heart went out to the child, she could only imagine how scary it must be for her right now. She thought puberty had been bad but at least you got a bit of warning from adults before it happened and the knowledge that sooner or later everyone had to go through it. The percentage of human biotics however was still microscopically small, even if you removed everyone born before First Contact from the statistics. Galactic entertainment programs had gone someway to normalising the _**concept**_ of biotics to a degree, but it was still largely seen as something that happened to other species. Something strange, dangerous and alien. For every child at school who found it 'cool' there would be another three that would call her freak.

At least the Alliance was starting to get better with their handling of the matter. The Ascension program at Grissom Academy included civilian instructors and was merely highly encouraged for newly manifested biotics, rather than strictly mandatory like BAaT had been a decade ago. Trish suddenly realised Nikki was no longer beside her.

"You know, my mummy always used to say 'I want doesn't get', does yours say that?" The marine asked casually as she closed the distance. To an outside observer it would have looked like she'd completely ignored the gun being held menacingly behind her but she had moved deliberately in an attempt to block the security guard's line of sight on the child, more than aware of the fact that increased nerves could lead to itchy trigger fingers and knowingly putting her own life on the line to protect the biotic. The girl looked over at her in shock, trying to process her random question but coming out with:

"Who are you?"

"Me? I'm Nikki, who are you?"

"Jasmine."

"Did you come here with your mummy Jasmine?"

"Yes, but I lost her and I can't find her and, and..." Sobs broke through once more, the biotic glow flickering and brightening uncontrollably as her emotions overflowed. "I don't know what's happening."

"Hey it's alright, why don't you sit with me and we wait for your mum to find us? Do you like ice cream?" The girl nodded. "What's your favourite flavour?"

"Chocolate."

"I bet you I can get us ice cream without moving from here."

"No you can't."

"I can too!"

"Can not!"

"Ok, I'll prove it... **Oi, Trish! Get us some chocolate ice cream would you please babe!** "

"That's cheating!"

"And?"

Trish had no idea what her girlfriend was up to and wasn't particularly thrilled about leaving her alone in a potentially dangerous situation, but she wanted to help and knew that below the carefree facade there was a sharp analytical mind that _probably_ had a plan. Even if she suspected it was most likely a harebrained one. Plus she knew it was nothing compared to what the soldier faced on a regular basis at work, although that thought was only half comforting.

With Judy on her heels she set off at a jog for the nearest food vendor, thankful that she used this park often enough to know where they were located. When she got there she realised the tactical error in not leaving the launcher with Nicola and had to tuck it under her arm as she juggled the ice cream cones in her hands and made her way back, Judy foraging ahead to find her other owner.

"Get off dog! What've I told you, only do that to Trish." Came the loud surprised voice as Shepard squirmed under the wet nose that prodded her in the neck, just behind and slightly below her ear, followed by an enthusiastic tongue. The human trailed off into a quiet mutter as she added: "I should never have taught you that..."

"Is she yours?" Jasmine asked as she reached over, the large puppy happily moving over to the source of greatest attention.

"Yep, her name's Ensign."

"Oh no it isn't!" Came a warning voice as Trish caught up with them, pushing her way past the still rather uncertain security guard, who had at least pointed his gun down at the ground, even if it wasn't holstered. She carefully transferred the two chocolates over to her girlfriend who in turn handed one to the young biotic as she cheerfully retorted:

"Oh yes it is." There was a groan.

"Great, you've turned us into a pantomime."

"You started it," Trish opened her mouth to protest and promptly shut it again when she realised what she was about to say. "Why don't you sit down babe your blocking the sun. This is my new friend Jasmine."

"Trish, and that mutt you're stroking is actually called Judy."

"Judy... Ensign. po-tay-to, po-tah-to. Same difference."

"Not even remotely."

"You're funny." The child laughed, no longer glowing as she sat eating ice cream and stroking the dog, thoroughly distracted from her predicament by their antics.

"It's a gift." Nikki responded glibly.

"More like a curse." Trish amended promptly.

"To-may-to, to-mah-to" was the infuriating reply and if they'd been alone Trish may well have smeared ice cream in her partner's face, the knowing twinkle in her eyes suggested Nikki had read her mind and that if they'd been alone she'd reach over with her mouth and steal some before she got a chance. "Anyway... before someone had to distract us with food we were about to be super awesome detectives!"

"I apologise for bringing you food, it won't happen again."

"But what if I want you to?" It was very almost a whine, although it sounded rather put upon to her, like she was playing it up for the audience.

"Maybe. If you ask nicely... aaand if you let me join your super awesome detective squad."

"Hmm... I don't know, should we let her?" Nikki asked the biotic who merely shrugged. "Well I suppose we could give you a test, see if you're good enough... Reckon you could hack into the local CCTV?"

"Why can't you manage?"

"Course I can, I'm just practicing the art of delegating... Plus you'd be faster than me." Trish didn't answer verbally, merely smirking as she activated her omni-tool, it wasn't long before she was scrolling through the city's footage, tracing Jasmine's steps back until she was seen with another woman and then playing it forwards again, following Jasmine's mother to trace down the location and reunite them.

...

 **Author's note:** Remember how on my last note I laid out how many chapters I had planned before we reached the games? Well... I apologise for this dark and angsty chapter and we'll reach Eden Prime when we get there (aka: 'Oh, hi muse, where did this fluff come from?') And yes, consider that a warning that there will be a very dark and heavy chapter before we reach Eden Prime, I've had it in mind for months now but not gotten very far on writing it, partly because I hadn't reached that part of the story yet but also largely because I keep worrying about doing it justice. Anyway, if there's a slightly longer gap than usual for either the next chapter or the one after don't worry, I've got two chapters on the go which (with a bit of minor tweaking) could probably fit in either order, depending which I finish first and I'm definitely not giving up, merely making sure I (hopefully) get them right.

Thanks for all your follows, favs & reviews, particularly the guest review from Ryan, I always wonder if I get the action scenes right, especially as I don't write them as often, so I'm glad you think I got the balance right.


	37. Relapse

"Wow that looks awesome even from out here, you have the best ideas." Nikki opined as they turned into the carpark and properly saw the indoor waterpark, different coloured tubes sticking out of the rectangular building at all kinds of weird angles. "It has been far too long since I went swimming."

"You sure you remember how?"

"Oh please, _**I**_ could swim before I could drive!" It wasn't the most impressive boast compared to say swimming before walking, but it was obviously supposed to be a tailored tease. Especially when the soldier continued with: "If anybody in this car is going to drown it's not going to be me. You sure you're going to be alright in there?"

"Don't worry about me, I had a good swimming teacher." Trish replied feeling generous. She could have kept the banter going longer but was in a hurry to get in there and have fun.

"Uhh, I disagree... not good, great."

"Sure, whatever you say 'Your Greatness'."

...

Knowing what they had planned for the day they had gotten dressed that morning over the top of their swimsuits. It made changing quicker and Trish was already shoving her stuff in a locker, joking about how slow Nikki was being, when their fellow swimmers left the changing rooms. The familiar aroma of public pools trickled through while the door was open and Nicola suddenly cut off half way through her sentence. Trish turned to find her standing frozen and tense, eyes gazing unseeingly into the distance. She had a pretty good guess what was happening but no idea why. _Why here? Why now?_ She fought to quell the rising panic, that wouldn't help anybody, she just had to stay calm and do what she could to help. However there was a world of difference between knowing the theory of what to do in a hypothetical situation and putting it into practice when reality reared its ugly head.

"Nikki, are you alright? Can you hear me?" She had to override the instinct to reach out and touch her, she knew her girlfriend would never hurt her, but she was less sure if Nikki would actually realise it was her. Who knew what the soldier thought she was experiencing right now, her brain might translate her contact into that of an enemy. "Nick? I don't know if you can hear me sweetie, or what you're seeing but we're at the swimming pool. It's Trish, I'm here and we're at the pool Nick."

She couldn't think of anything else to say so she just kept repeating the same information over and over again with no idea if it was helping or not, but figuring it couldn't make things any worse. At least, she hoped not. Just as suddenly as she disassociated Nikki suddenly returned. It wasn't like waking up from anesthetic though, she didn't just resume talking right where she cut off. Instead her eyes returned to clarity, darting round before focusing on Trish, her body breaking into a cold sweat.

"You ok?" There was a nod even though her fingers were opening and clenching repeatedly with nervous energy. "You just had a flashback didn't you?" It was more of a statement than a question, there wasn't really any room for doubt, but there was still a second of hesitation as if Nikki was considering denying it before she gave another terse nod.

"Yeah... Shit, I thought I was past this." Trish had known they weren't, even though it had been so long since Nikki last had a nightmare. The soldier's therapist had made it clear to both of them that there was no cure for PTSD, only management techniques. She wasn't sure if that particular dose of reality would be welcome right now though and she certainly wasn't going to lie and offer false hope so she decided to ignore the topic completely and focus on something more useful.

"Do you know what triggered it?" Nikki shook her head.

"No. I... Fuck... I don't want to lose my job Trish. I've come too far to lose my job to this bullshit." She didn't even want to think about what it meant that THAT was Nikki's first concern.

"Don't worry about that right now. We just need to work out what the trigger was and then-"

"I DON'T **KNOW!** " The flash of anger came out of nowhere, Trish flinching slightly as her partner lashed out and punched one of the metal gym lockers in frustration before slumping down on the bench. "I... Sorry... I just- I was talking to you and then I was on Akuze, there wasn't any warning, I was just there with the stench and the..." She looked up suddenly, "Smell, I thought I smelt acid."

"The chlorine?" Trish asked, her brain racing as she sat down cautiously on the bench opposite.

"I don't know... maybe... It's not quite the same smell but yeah, close enough I guess." She trailed off into silence and Trish didn't push her any further, giving her time and space but still keeping a close eye on her to make sure she didn't drift off again. Eventually she had to intrude though, they were in a public place after all, they didn't have unlimited time alone.

"What do you want to do now?" There was a shrug.

"I... I want to pretend this didn't just happen... I want to hide in a dark room where nothing can get me. I want to find the part of my brain that's so damn stupid and useless and cut it out my head and throw it away..." Trish's concern multiplied at that one and she looked like she was going to interrupt but Nikki kept speaking before she had a chance. "I want to go in there and have a go on that awesome water slide, I want to punch the water repeatedly until it leaves me alone. I..." She finally trailed off, eyes flitting quickly between the corners of the room, though whether it was to check for danger or reassure herself of her surroundings Trish wasn't entirely sure.

"Ok... Which do you want to do first?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to talk to Phil?"

"Not really."

"Nikki..."

"I know, I won't hide it. I've got a catchup session this week anyway. I just... Not right now. Please?"

"Ok..." She nodded her acceptance, they sat silent for a long time before Shepard randomly grumbled:

"I can't believe you're on first name terms with my shrink." Trish felt the corner of her lip twitch up at that first real sign of her Nikki.

"I can't believe you're not. Wait, wait, I totally believe you're not." It was Shepard's turn to smile although it quickly faded, her voice soft and insecure

"You know, you can start running any time now."

"You're going to have to try a lot harder than that if you want to get rid of me." There was a flash of gratitude in Nikki's eyes before it faded to regret.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm so rubbish, that I've got to ruin everything and..."

"Shh sweetie, you've not got anything to be sorry about. If anything it's my fault, I chose to come here, I didn't think about-"

"No, you couldn't know... Hell, I didn't even fucking know... Stupid fucking brain, why couldn't my trigger be boiling cabbage or something? I **like** swimming! Why'd it have to be something I like?"

"I don't know. Maybe the universe hates you," she made damn sure her voice was obviously teasing on that one, last thing she wanted was to accidentally make Nikki think the world was out to get her. "Or maybe it's making sure you have the motivation to seek help and get it sorted."

"What if there isn't anything that can help?"

"Then we go to the seaside to swim, or find ourselves a lake. We'll work something out. Just talk to Phil first see what he suggests." Nikki nodded, too drained to argue, before suddenly glancing up with her brow furrowed in confusion.

"How has nobody else come in yet? We've been here ages. We should probably go."

"We should also probably get dressed."

"Ok, I'm definitely ill, I can't think of a joke." Trish smiled anyway as she stood to get her clothes, a gentle touch on her wrist halting her causing her to stare down into deep brown eyes. "I haven't said thank you yet have I?"

"No, but you don't need to... Besides you said sorry lots, it evens out."

"Still, thank you. I know... I know you didn't sign up for this when we started out."

"No I didn't, but like I said: you're not getting rid of me that easily."

...

 **Author's note:** Back on track. This wasn't THE dark angsty chapter I promised you (that's coming up next) but it is one of the ones I had planned. For those wondering why chlorine is her trigger I point you to chapter 30 where thresher acid is described as having 'a strange scent that reminded her of chlorine, honeysuckle and something else she couldn't quite identify'. No it doesn't describe the smell of thresher acid in the ingame codex but I planned to write this chapter. Must admit I'm slightly worried whether or not Nikki would be allowed to continue frontline service with a trigger like that, but lets just assume the other species don't use chlorine as a weapon and her nice shiny, non-Alliance shrink will help her 'break the link' on the trigger. If you don't like that answer I'll pull the 'it's the future, things change' card, after all scientists are already dabbling with experiments involving mice and lasers to try and physically remove links between memories and experiences and learned responses while keeping the individual memories preserved. If that still fails I'll pull the 'it's Bioware's fault' card; they're the ones who gave default Shepard the sole survivor background and then made them have to deal with thresher maws in every single game.


	38. Chapter 38

"I'll put in for emergency leave, I can-"

"Nikki, no!"

"But-"

"Don't you dare! You've only got another two weeks until you graduate, don't throw it all away because of this. Besides, even if you left right now it would still take a full week before you got home."

"One week's better than three. I should be there for you Trish-"

"Damn it, this is exactly what I didn't want to happen! I shouldn't have told you Nick, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have distracted you, I don't want you-"

"Don't want what? Me?"

"Shit, no Nick. That's not what I mean sweetheart! If I had a magic button that teleported you here in a minute flat I'd be spamming it so hard right now!"

"Sorry that was... What do you need me to do?"

"Just stay on the line?" The soldier nodded even though the call was audio only.

"OK, I can manage that..." Shepard hesitated, this conversation really would be better in person rather than over the phone. _Or never_. Never needing it would certainly be her preferred choice but that was no longer an option. "Feel free to tell me to go to hell if you don't want to talk about this right now but... what do you want to do about it?"

"I don't know, I just... I don't know..."

"Way I see it we only got three choices. You can give birth and then put it up for adoption, keep it, or have an abortion."

"What would you do?"

"I'm sorry babe, I really wish I could help but you've got to make this decision yourself. You're the one who's got to live with it. I don't want to influence you and then you regret your decision, then you end up blaming and resenting me and... Whatever you decide I'll support you 100%"

"We've never even discussed having children..."

"Well, I wouldn't say I was exactly opposed to the idea of having them one day. Ok, so maybe 'one day' is a little closer than I thought, but I can adapt, if that's what you want?"

"And it wouldn't bother you that it's not yours, that it... that it..." Nikki yearned to make a joke, something along the lines of 'babe I've been trying to get you pregnant for years' or 'I don't know how to tell you this but I've not got the right parts'. Such flippancy had long ago ingrained itself as part of her personal defense mechanism and coping strategies, but she knew it wasn't the right response to help her partner so she bit back on the urge.

"Trish, listen to me! The only thing it would ever be is **your** kid. I can love your kid no problem. But what I don't want is for every time you look at it for you to be reminded of that horror, that bastard, that..." She trailed off as she felt the impotent rage rise inside her and she tried to quell it. All her training, everything she'd done and all the crap she'd suffered, she liked to tell people it was to protect humanity's interests and make the galaxy a safer place. That was the official line after all and it stopped them bothering her for a deeper answer. There was also the fact she was good at it and happened to enjoy it, among many other reasons, but when days were bad it helped make all her sacrifices feel worthwhile. Now she wondered what the hell was the point if she couldn't even protect the woman she loved. To think that someone could, that someone had... she couldn't even _**think**_ the R-word without wanting to commit grievous bodily harm.

"You still there Nick?"

"Yeah, I'm still here. Sorry, I just feel so useless on the other side of the galaxy. You alright though?" She winced as soon as the words left her mouth. _Of course she's not, talk about a stupid question you fucking klutz._

"I wouldn't go as far as alright, I feel like shit. I'm coping though. Mum's here, she's been great. I just keep thinking if I... if only..."

"Hey, enough of that. This was **not** your fault."

"I know, I really do, but I can't help it. I just keep replaying it in my head, over and over." Nicola knew what that felt like, being trapped in your own personal hell of memory and regret, but despite her experiences she couldn't think of anything to say or do right now to make it better.

"You sure you don't want me to come back?"

"I'm sure."

"Ok. If you change your mind you let me know. I'm serious, I'll drop everything if you need me."

"I know you would. Can we... Can we talk about something else please? I don't want to think about this right now."

"Sure..." Her head was swirling, still trying to process the news, but she desperately tried to think of a lighter topic to provide Trish with a break and distraction, aware that she'd probably thought of nothing else since the incident. "... Do you think Judy would like a stuffed pyjak?"

"Probably. Why have you seen one somewhere?"

"Yeah loads, I just need to find a good taxidermist."

"NIKKI!"

...

"Trish, you still awake?" Shepard asked quietly after several long minutes of story telling had passed by without interruption, shallow breathing was the only sound heard in reply. "...Ok, if you don't say anything I'm going to go... I love you babe, no matter what. Take care of yourself alright? Night..." The soldier disconnected from the call and gave a long, low exhale. She pulled herself to her feet but had to take a moment, leaning against the table to collect herself.

" **FUCK!** " Her fist snuck out, thumping the surface as she finally gave voice to the tumultuous emotions that she'd kept bottled up inside her for the last two hours in order to be strong for Trish. She felt an almost overpowering urge to sweep her arm across the desk and knock everything over, to break something, to let loose her frustrations on some inanimate object that couldn't feel pain and utterly destroy it. Unfortunately the only item present was the emergency contact comm set and even in her current state she was rational enough to know that was a bad idea. If she trashed that then Trish wouldn't be able to get hold of her if she changed her mind. She tugged a hand through her hair, focusing on her breathing.

She certainly wasn't the first soldier to find out their partner was pregnant while on deployment and she wouldn't be the last. At least she got to skip a few of the usual uncertainties that plagued her colleagues when they found out. She knew with a hundred percent certainty that she wasn't the father and was just as certain that Trish hadn't cheated on her, she nearly gave in to maniacal laughter at the incongruity that both those statements could be true at the same time.

Maybe if the call had been about some asari at work getting pregnant and claiming it was Trish's, or she'd been diagnosed with something nasty and Nick should get herself checked out just in case, then maybe she'd entertain the notion of doubt, but this? No way. Not even if she'd been completely wasted was there ever any chance of Trish giving consent to a human male. Not that she had been, merely walking home alone after staying late at work. Something she'd done a hundred times before without any problem.

One thing Nikki couldn't help wonder about though was whether or not her partner would even have told her if not for the pregnancy. After all it had happened weeks ago and she was only finding out about it now. The explanation that Trish didn't want to distract her was plausible enough, N6 training was dangerous and difficult enough to pass even if you were fully focused, but then what? Would she have told her as soon as she got home or waited? Not wanting to destroy the triumphant mood. What if she kept waiting and waiting for a suitable moment to bring it up and it never arrived? How long would it have remained secret?

Nikki suddenly realised she wasn't even close to getting her head on straight and mentally bitch-slapped herself before striding out the communications tent, only to find Anderson waiting outside. She grudgingly accepted that she'd rather it was him there than one of the other instructors but she really wasn't in the mood for condolences or platitudes. Fortunately he must have read her mind, skipping such trite questions as 'are you alright?' or 'what happened?' in favour of the standard emergency contact protocol during villa training:

"Do you want to go home?" She shook her head with a slight scoff.

"Want? Yes. Gonna? No." He nodded briskly before clapping her on the shoulder.

"You need anything just ask. Whether it's a sparring partner, some range time or just a good old fashioned chat..." He paused a second, then when she didn't say anything he decided to add: "Though if you need a shoulder to cry on I may have to delegate." It did the trick, a small snort breaking out before she could stop it and a wry smile gracing her lips.

"Thanks Sir, appreciate it."

...

Trish still worried whether or not she'd made the right choice. The decision plagued her every day. It was too late to change her mind now though. The soft, gentle and above all completely unconscious smile that appeared on Nikki's face every time her fingers brushed over the bump (which was often) or eyes flicked over to check on her (which was even more often) was enough to quell most of those concerns, but it still couldn't ease her nerves. She was about to become a single mum. Oh sure, she wasn't _actually_ single... but she might as well be.

She had no doubt Nikki would make a great parent when she was home, but that wasn't all that often, she was too busy off being a hero. Trish had no doubt her girlfriend would resign if she asked her to, but she didn't want to ask. She was also pretty certain Nick would suggest it herself if Trish brought up her concerns. It was a nice thought but Trish knew her marine too well, she'd miss it. Maybe not straight away, but at some point she'd regret it if she left. It was bad enough that her own life had been turned upside down because of that bastard, she wouldn't let it impact on Nikki anymore than she had to. It would all work out. Her own father had always been away on deployment and her mother had managed to raise her just fine. It just meant she appreciated the time with him all the more. _And then he died._ She quickly banished that thought. It was alright to be nervous about this, everybody got nervous during a pregnancy, even normal pregnancies that weren't as a result of-

"So... I'm not quite up to speed on the whole parenting thing. Is there a specific time we're supposed to have the talk?" Trish smiled at the intrusion into her thoughts. Nick always seemed to sense when she was drifting into darker territory and pulled her back before she could get too lost in there.

"Which talk?"

"You know... names and stuff."

"Why, you got any ideas?"

"Not really... We could just call him 'kid' for the first three years, let him pick his own name, or 'you'. 'You' would work."

"Pretty sure they make us choose something for the birth certificate." She paused, not entirely sure how Nikki would react to her next suggestion. "I was thinking maybe Thomas?" A swirl of emotion flitted over her face too fast for even Trish to decipher before it settled into a small, sadness tinged smile.

"What about your dad? He could be Frederick Thomas... Stewart."

"Oh no! I don't think so Shepard!" The sudden outburst clearly threw the marine, despite being used to nearly everybody else she knew calling her by her surname, her girlfriend only used it when she was in trouble or wanted something done right this instant. She glanced down at the bed, fiddling awkwardly with the duvet covers before meekly looking back up.

"Umm, so err... I'm not sure if you're mad at me or want the kid to have my surname?" The annoyance evapourated immediately, replaced by a smile. That was another conversation they'd never had before, a subject they should probably discuss sometime, first however she needed to make something abundantly clear.

"I'm sorry Nick, I didn't mean to shout at you... Can we blame it on hormones? It doesn't matter which surname we use, the initials will be the same. I don't really want my son to have the initials F.T.S."

"Why not?"

"Really Nikki? You're the big marine, I'm surprised you're not laughing already. 'Fuck That Shit'?" The soldier's lips curled into a grin then.

"Well maybe if you're quick you'll be able to marry a Williams or a Watson before he's born. Then he'll be 'For The Win'. I know a Wachowski you might like."

"I've got no problem with having an S at the end... We don't have to go with Thomas if you don't want to."

"Well we're not having Bill or Ben, I have enough B.S in my life. What do you think kid?" Nikki slid down so her face was level with Trish's stomach placing her hands on the bump along with a tender kiss. "Do you want to be Thomas Frederick?" Her eyes flicked back up to Trish's face and a moment later Trish felt a particularly heavy kick, before she could say anything Nikki's face lit up with the widest grin she'd ever seen.

"I felt that... I actually felt that." Her voice was low and full of awe as she knelt on the floor looking up, eyes wide with amazement. "Hey there little guy, can you do that again?" She laughed, completely enthralled as she moved her hands around almost like a game of pat-a-cake, or a boxing coach working the focus mitts. Trish smiled at the sight until she had to groan at the feeling.

"Err, Nick? Any chance you could wait until our son is on the outside before you teach him to fight?" A guilty look crossed the marine's face as she glanced up.

"Sorry." Her attention was quickly drawn away again however, pressing yet another kiss to the bump. "You hear that Thomas? You got to stop now, let mummy get some rest... No no no no, that question didn't need answering, stop kicking... Hey when you get out of there we're gonna have to work on the whole doing what you're told thing... Look, please just stop before mummy kicks my ass." Trish couldn't help but laugh at the panic on Nicola's face as the small life inside her insisted on making its presence known.

...

"I don't want to go back to work" the soldier grumbled, flopping face first onto the bed despite having already taken the dog for a run, bringing Trish breakfast in bed, showering and getting dressed into her uniform. Trish smiled.

" 'Fraid you got to sweetie... Unless you want me to shoot you? Then you can get a medical discharge and I get to keep you here as my personal slave."

"But then you'd be a slaver and it would be my job to put you down."

"No it wouldn't, you'd already be discharged, keep up slowpoke." Trish wished they could have had this little bout of silliness yesterday when they had plenty of time to keep it going, rather than now when there was a risk of Nikki missing her shuttle, she didn't want that. Well... mostly... partly... rationally with a tiny little bit at the back of her mind. The larger part of her brain would have been quite happy to kidnap Nikki and keep her here beside her forever. She doubted the spec ops soldier would put up much of a fight. Especially with the way she'd managed to maneuver herself closer, hand ending up in its now almost default position on Trish's belly. Her voice was low as she murmured:

"I can hardly believe that the next time I see you Thomas is going to be on the outside." It _**did**_ seem a little surreal, Trish silently agreed, as she entwined their hands. "Promise you'll send me pics?"

"Of course! I'm almost insulted you felt the need to ask. I'm gonna send so many baby Thomas pictures that your ship's comm system will crash." Nikki smirked in response.

"Not just him, you too. I want to see both of you."

"You realise I'm going to look awful right?"

"Lies, you'll look beautiful."

" **Nobody** looks good during labor, it's messy and ugly and horrible."

"Nonsense, I've seen you look beautifully tired, beautifully stressed and beautifully enraged. No matter what, you're always beautiful to me." Love and admiration shone out of blue and brown eyes alike, even as Trish tried to refute her partner's claims:

"Hmm, maybe I should give the medical corps a call, I think there might be something wrong with your eyesight. You **have** seen me in the mornings right?"

"Mmhmm, beautiful mess."

...

There wasn't a power in the universe that could have stopped Shepard when she heard the news. Not even Trish telling her not to come would have worked this time. Not that Trish had called. That had been the first warning that something was wrong, when she'd answered the call and heard Molly's voice when it was still far, far too early to be good news. They'd been on shore leave on some backwater colony called Ferris Fields when she found out. She knew what she should have done, filled out a form for emergency leave and submitted it to her CO for approval. That would have taken time though and there was a cargo ship bound for Earth due to depart in less than two hours. She barely gave it a second thought, slipping onboard with ease and stowing away without the crew being any the wiser. After all her villa skills had to come in handy for something.

First thing she did was disable the locator on her omni-tool so she couldn't be traced, then she spent the next several days of transit flipping between denial and conducting scientific experiments into whether or not it was possible to will something into being. Not the universe rewinding and fixing the mess, she wasn't naive enough to think she could do that, no matter how hard she wished it. But something small like the ship moving faster? Surely she had enough will power to force that one through? FTL speeds felt far too slow right now. Her impatience continued upon making planetfall. Instead of waiting around for a plane, she got hold of a car and drove, stopping for traffic lights and pretty much nothing else until she reached home.

...

It hurt more than thresher acid. A tiny part of her brain tried to tell her that if a maw popped up right now and spat on her she might rethink that statement but it was immaterial. Right here, right now, it fucking hurt. Sure she didn't think she was going to die like she had with the worm, but that just meant there wasn't a foreseeable end to the pain in the near future. She hadn't felt heartache like this since those last few days on Mindoir. Still she kept her feelings hidden, merely tightening the hug as Trish broke down in her arms. She couldn't think of any words of comfort as the grief poured freely down her partner's face, no reply to the cries of anguish, not until they finally resolved themselves into a faint mantra of: 'I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry'.

"Shhh, hey this isn't your fault babe. None of this is your fault. I'm just glad you're ok." It was like a switch was flipped in the civilian, the marine left helpless against the sudden rage, fists pummeling weakly against her chest.

"That's all you care about? That I'm ok? What about Thomas? I bet you're glad he's dead. This must make things easier, it must be so fucking great for you, you never wanted him, he wasn't yours. Well he was my son!"

"Trish, that's not what-" She didn't stand a chance against the flood of raw emotion, she could have stopped the ineffective assault easily enough but she barely even felt it. Rooted to the spot in shock, even as her partner turned towards the stairs with a final cry of:

"Just leave me alone!" Nikki finally broke from her trance, taking the steps two at a time as she chased after her, reaching the bedroom door just in time to see the lock flick to red.

"Seriously!? You know I can hack doors as well, right?"

"Go away Nikki." She nearly ignored her, reaching for the omni-tool on her wrist until she heard a final word whispered right on the edge of hearing: "...please..." Shepard felt her heart ache all over again at that tiny sound, warring with herself whether or not to obey. She finally slumped to the ground, back to the wall, angrily brushing away the moisture that dared to gather at the bottom of her eyes seeking an escape. Her brain whirred, developing and dismissing potential courses of action until she felt a nudge on the back of her hand, glancing down to find Judy watching her with doleful eyes. She reached down automatically to stroke the canine behind the ears. Unable to withhold a slight smile as she caught a soft spot and Judy's leg twitched uncontrollably.

"Alright, come on pup. Let's go for a walk."

...

'Walk' had quickly turned into jog, had turned into attempting to escape life's problems by outrunning them and leaving them all behind. Running usually helped clear her thoughts, but there was still too much whirling around inside her head. She tried focusing on her breathing and her stride, on each foot striking the ground, pace quickening as she did so until Judy was struggling to keep up. A chime on her omni-tool had her pulling to a halt. A quick glance was enough to reveal it wasn't who she so desperately wanted it to be.

[Shepard, I heard. For what little it's worth I'm sorry. Anybody asks I scooped you up for a classified op in the Traverse, already informed your CO. I'll let you know when I'm back in Alliance space, don't let me regret it. Anderson] Nikki was stunned, sure he'd taken her out on a few more missions since Anhur and they always had each other's backs in the field but she'd never expected anything like this. He was an Alliance legend, one of the first villa graduates, an N7 for almost as long as she'd been alive, it didn't make sense for him to risk his career for her. It was humbling and a little scary, although a far nicer wake up call to reality than MPs turning up at the house to drag her away. She didn't have a clue how to answer though, she gave her panting companion a quick head rub before turning round. It was something to think about on the way home.

...

"Trish, can we please just talk?" The bedroom door was still locked when she got back. Shepard did a quick scan for life signs to make sure her partner hadn't snuck out a window or something, she didn't want to waste her breath talking to an empty room. "Come on babe, I know you're in there... At least come get something to eat." She was beginning to get a better perspective on the hell she'd dragged the civilian through after Akuze, but just because she could see the similarities in behaviour didn't mean she appreciated them.

She did remember how she just wanted to be left alone though, and how she'd resented what at the time had felt like Trish's continuous pointless intrusions. With a sigh she left to shower, coming back again an hour later with a tray laden with a mixture of old favourite foods and new cravings. She didn't even try to speak this time, merely placing her offering on the floor, taking a picture and turning to leave as she sent the photo to Trish's omni-tool with a message [I'll be downstairs if you need me, please eat something]

...

"Nikki?" The soldier looked up from her spot on the couch, curled up with the dog watching she-didn't-even-know-what on the tele. Trish stood in the doorway, arms wrapped around her stomach. At some point night had fallen and the flickering TV was the only light in the dark room, Shepard turned her attention back to the screen. "I'm sorry, I never should have said that. I... Can you ever forgive me?" Nicola nodded but said nothing.

"Please don't give me the silent treatment. I know I deserve it but can you just shout at me if you're mad?" A small part of her briefly considered letting her partner stew, paying her back for the treatment of the last few hours. Guilt followed immediately after that thought and she sighed, speaking in a low voice:

"I forgive you... and I understand, I really do. I don't blame you for anything. Can't just pretend like it didn't hurt though." She finally looked back at her and the civilian could see the same pain in those bone dry deep brown eyes as was contained in her own tear stained face. "I know Thomas wasn't mine Trish, no part of me in him or him in me but... damn it if I wasn't going to raise him like he was. I was all in on this one. There is **nothing** I wouldn't have done for him."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Me too." Nikki raised her arm and Trish took the silent invitation, joining her on the couch and snuggling in close, clinging on tight as they sought comfort in each other's arms.


	39. Chapter 39

"Trish wants to plant one of those memorial trees."

"What do you think about it?" Dr Phil Holstein asked and wasn't at all surprised when the woman in front of him shrugged. Shepard talked a lot more openly with him now then when they first met but if she truly decided she didn't want to answer a question there wasn't much he could do to make her. That was the problem with spec ops soldiers, SERE training not only made them able to withstand physical torture but also taught them to recognise and ignore the more subtle manipulation techniques that his profession often used to make people want to open up, in fact she was more likely to clam up completely if she spotted them in play. Rumour was that the later villa graduates even had courses with former asari commandos, learning to put up effective mental defenses in case anyone ever forced a meld to try and steal intel. Non-consensual melds were one of the greatest violations of asari law, but considering the types of people N-forces went up against it made sense for their soldiers to be prepared for it in case of capture. "Well?"

"If Trish thinks it'll help her then we do it. Simple as that."

"You're concerned it won't help." It was definitely spoken as a statement rather than a question.

"I didn't say that!" She hadn't had to. Phil gave her a pointed look but said nothing and she sighed as she glanced down to her hands. "I don't know doc. I guess... I guess I'm worried she'll fixate on the tree instead of moving on."

"That's always a possibility," he agreed, "but a slim one. Most of the time these memorials help people find closure, a way to say goodbye. It might even help you too. All you talk about is how Trish has been affected by this, what Trish wants, but how do you feel? What do you want?"

"What I want doesn't matter."

"Of course it does."

"Yeah well... what I want is impossible... Or illegal..." Nikki trailed off and they sat in silence for awhile, the soldier desperately trying not to fidget under that damn shrink gaze of his. "I know what you're trying to do doc and you know it pisses me off."

"I get paid the same regardless of whether or not we talk, but I can't help if you don't open up."

"Fine. Thomas was like a light, the one good thing to come from a shitty situation. With him gone, all we got left is the darkness, the pain, an endless supply of might have beens. Is that what you want to hear?"

"I just want the truth, what do you want?" Shepard glared before making a helpless gesture with her hands.

"I want to rewind time. Fix everything, make it so Trish doesn't have to go through this pain. Like I said, impossible... I'm not even sure how far back I'd go. I want the kid back, to raise him, have a family again. Then other days I wish he'd never existed in the first place."

"That's an understandable response. And the illegal part? Last I heard there weren't any actual laws against time travel." Phil already had a pretty good idea of the answer but still needed it to be said out loud.

"I want to find the bastard responsible for all this and rip him limb from limb for what he did to Trish. I get so pissed whenever I think about it, never wanted to kill someone so bad before."

"And do you think Trish would want that? For you to kill for her?" There was an involuntary snort.

"You forgetting something doc? Trish ain't stupid, she knows what I do for a living."

"There's a difference between doing your job and vigilantism."

"I know. I didn't say I _**liked**_ feeling this way. Just giving you your facts. Hell, it's probably a good thing I don't know who did it. I mean... I don't want him to get away with this... I want him caught before he does it again to someone else, but right now? The wound's still too raw... I'm not sure I trust myself not to do something I'd regret if I had that information... All in all, I think I'm better off focusing on Trish's wants and needs at the moment." Phil nodded, he would have to keep an eye on this, make sure she didn't bottle it up and let it fester, but it was a good first airing and he could tell from her body language that he wouldn't get anymore on that topic today.

"And on that note, how are you two getting along on the intimacy front?"

"We're still in the trial and error phase, working out what's safe and what's not. She wants to, I want to, but you don't always get what you want."

...

" **Get off me you bastard!"** Nikki immediately stopped everything she was doing and backed away, giving her partner space.

"Trish babe, it's me. It's Nikki." The older woman was shivering and Nikki wanted to gather her up in her arms and hug her tight until everything was better. She knew that was the worst thing she could possibly do right now though. Trish wouldn't feel protected but trapped, so she kept her distance.

"Nikki?"

"I'm here. Do you want me to initiate Op Bubbles?" The smile that had accompanied the name when they first came up with the response plan was missing, but Trish nodded and Nick reached carefully over into the bedside cabinet and pulled out a scented candle, making sure it was the right flavour before lighting it and padding quietly out to the bathroom. She started running water for the bath before hunting down more of the same candles and setting them up around the room, adding a relaxing bubble bath to the water. She dipped a hand in to check the temperature before turning the taps off and heading back out to get Trish.

"It's ready for you." She held out a hand, offering but not demanding her partner to take it and refusing to take offense when Trish ignored it and pulled herself to her feet alone. "Do you want me to send Jude in?"

"No." She shook her head but then hesitated, "... do you want to come in?"

"As long as you want me to, sure. Just tell me what you need."

...

"Sorry." It was the first time Trish had spoken since she'd submerged herself underneath the water, resurfacing to engage in her little ritualized washing away of bad memories. Nikki could appreciate the symbolism but knew if she tried something like this after one of her flashbacks it would just piss her off and put her even more on edge. Everybody was different however and what mattered was that somehow this seemed to help Trish relax and ground herself.

"It's alright. At least we know not to try that one again."

"I'm sorry." Nick knew her partner was about to trap herself in a cycle of guilt and despair, in the past she would have simply said 'you're forgiven' and given her a kiss to prove it, but she was highly aware of the fact Trish still hadn't touched her since they entered the bathroom. She wanted to make sure Trish was the first to reinitiate contact in case she inadvertently triggered her again. Still, she had to do _something_ to break the cycle.

"Well, so long as we're apologising for things then I should probably mention... I ate that chocolate cake in the fridge."

"You didn't? That was supposed to be your birthday cake!" Out of sight behind Trish's shoulder, Nikki smiled to herself as her partner took the bait.

"I thought you said you were gonna bake it yourself this year?"

"I did, that was it! It took me months to source all of the ingredients!"

"Oh... Well it looked so professional I assumed you must have bought it." There was an exasperated groan from the civilian. "Are you angry at me?"

"Yes. Out of all the edible things in this house, why did you have to eat that?"

"I was hungry... and it was calling to me. Just sat there taking up space, looking all tempting like."

"Did you at least enjoy it?"

"Enjoy what?"

"The cake."

"I don't know, I haven't had any yet."

"But you just said-" Trish cut off mid sentence as she turned in the tub and caught sight of her marine's teasing face.

"April's fools." Lips twitched at the corners as annoyance and amusement fought for dominance in those pale blue eyes, but there was no more sign of the haunted darkness within and that's all Nikki cared about right now. Anything else was a bonus.

"You're a couple of days late for that."

"It's still April."

"You **know** that's not how it works." A shrug and a smirk were the only response, but concern suddenly entered Trish's features as she noticed the goosebumps on her still naked partner's body as she knelt on the floor outside the tub. "You must be freezing!" She reached a hand towards Nikki's arm to test her theory and while the soldier had no intention of shying away from the touch, she didn't want to deal with another wave of guilt either.

"What this? This is nothing. I remember one time, in N training, we had to run naked across Siberia."

"Liar."

"What me, lie? When have I ever lied to you?"

"Uh, the cake."

"Wait, the cake is a lie?"

"Bosh'tet."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It... I don't actually know. It's a quarian curse word but I don't know the exact translation. It's aimed at people or things a lot though. I just liked the sound of it."

"Hmm, Bosh'tet. It **is** a good word. When'd you meet a quarian?"

"I know what you're doing you know."

"Really? What's that?" Trish shook her head, refusing to answer, knowing Nikki would have some smart-ass comeback ready to deny her accusation with, instead she simply reached over and entwined both their hands.

"Thank you... for being you." Nikki gave a reassuring squeeze.

"You're welcome. Now about this quarian... you seem to be avoiding the question, do I need to get jealous?" Finally there was a laugh.

"Bosh'tet."

"Yeah but I'm your bosh'tet... Whatever the hell that means." They fell into a companionable silence, Trish finally relaxing enough to close her eyes.

"I don't think I can stay here Nick."

"Well, I didn't want to mention it but you **are** starting to prune... you're not talking about the bath are you?" Trish shook her head.

"This house, my job. Everything hurts too much. I'll just be sat at work and out of nowhere I'll get an anxiety attack about how I'm going to get home or I have to go into the study for something and I remember about how we were going to turn it into a nursery for Thomas. Everybody keeps saying I need to give it time and I'm trying but-"

"Well I'm not everybody, I'm not going to say that. I don't want you to give this time, I want you to give it **thought**. Aldrin Labs has offices in other cities, you can get a transfer. Think seriously about whether or not you think it'll actually make a difference, and where you'd rather be, once you're certain you've made a decision you'll be happy with then we can move. Just don't say 'anywhere but here'."

"Pretty sure you're supposed protest and argue more."

"Why? You've got to do what's right for you, and it's not like my job roots me down here, I'm hardly ever home anyway."

"You're not just agreeing to make me happy are you?"

"No. Well a little, but not like that, if I disagreed I'd tell you. For example, I don't want you to switch to the head office on Armstrong. Luna's a great place but it wouldn't be fair on Judy. The others? New York, Mumbai, Tokyo, I got no problem with any of them."

"What if I didn't want to stay with Aldrin anymore? If I wanted to go offworld? Brand new start." Trish was relieved when her partner didn't answer immediately, quietly thinking through the implications before giving her response.

"No space stations. It's got to have breathable atmosphere, no planetwide environmental hazard warnings. I want to be able to get home and take the dog for a run without having to get into protective gear. Other than that, if you're happy and Jude's happy then I'm happy."

"That's it? That's your complete criteria?"

"I mean it would be nice if it was within a three days travel radius of Arcturus, that way if I got a week's leave I'd be able to pop round to visit and still get back before they class me AWOL, but it's not essential." Trish still seemed hesitant and Nikki sighed. "Look, the galaxy's a big place and you've got the brains to do anything you want, you can go anywhere. So, do some more research, narrow it down to the top three or four that you like and then we can talk it through some more. **Or**... start applying for jobs you like the sound of and see where they send us. Plan?"

"Ok. Plan."

"Good, cos this floor is cold and my leg's gone to sleep." Trish laughed.

"Is it as bad as Siberia yet?"

"Don't know, I did my cold training on Antibaar..." Shepard suddenly flinched, closing her eyes just in time to avoid the water that hit her face. She reopened them with a grin, her own hand dipping into the tub. "Careful babe, don't start something you can't finish."


	40. A new home

**Author's note:** I know I normally stick these at the end but I didn't get an email saying I'd posted a new chapter last week and I discovered a few other stories I follow had updated without me seeing an email as well, so if anybody doesn't remember a conversation in a bathroom I suggest you go back a chapter. That's all, hope you enjoy.

* * *

"It's in the Euler System, Arcturus Stream." Trish stated as she sent the relevant extranet link through to Nikki's omni-tool. "I know you wanted to talk about it some more once I narrowed things down a bit but the company's eager for an answer on whether I'll take the job."

"Hey, we're talking now ain't we?" Shepard stated as she leant back in her bunk, scrolling through the information. "Hmm, the main colony's older than me. That's good, means they'll have solved all those annoying little teething problems."

"Because you never have problems with your teeth anymore." Trish couldn't help commenting but Nikki ignored her.

"Gravity, 1.14g, that's good... Finally! Somewhere warm."

"You don't think it'll be too hot do you?"

"Babe I'm Mindoirian, I'd happily go swimming in the sun but no-one's found a way to get me back out again yet." Trish chuckled, she never knew how her girlfriend could come up with so many quips so quickly and seemingly without effort, but her ability to make her laugh was one of the many, many things she loved about the raven haired marine. "Besides I'm sure there'll be air con inside the buildings. Now whether or not **you** can handle the heat after so long on miserable old Earth remains to be seen. It's your call babe, but from where I'm sitting it looks perfect, certainly can't get any closer to Arcturus and still be habitable. Well, not without enviro-suits at least. What about the job, is it something you actually want to do? I don't want you settling for something mundane just because the location's right."

"Ha, hardly. It's with Kassa Fabrication."

"Kassa... I thought they specialised in armour?" Nikki queried as she pulled up a new extranet search.

"They do but they're branching out into omni-tools. Brand new division and I'll be project lead. I get to design a brand new product from scratch, no more trying to improve someone else's shitty design."

"Hey, don't insult the bluewire babe, I'm talking to you on one after all."

"Yeah, I know. Note the half second lag even without video, you're only one relay jump away it shouldn't be that bad, and it would be even worse if I didn't fiddle around upgrading it every time you come home. You've got the most advanced bluewire in the galaxy right now and I could still make something better."

"Well, sounds like now's your chance. You- Ooohh... Tell me you get staff discount?" There was a laugh.

"What've you found?"

"Armageddon shotgun. That's some impressive stats."

"I'd save your money a little longer on that, they're working on an improved model, even more damage and better cooling systems so it doesn't overheat so quick."

"Need someone to field test the prototype?"

"They're not at that stage yet. I'll pass the message on if I take the job though."

"If? What do you mean if? Why wouldn't you? Think of the discount! Come on babe, I mean... the location's perfect, you **sound** excited about the job, what's the catch? Is it a shit salary or something? "

"Hmm, money's a little higher than what I'm on at that the moment but not massively so considering the extra responsibility. If it were still on Earth I'm not sure it would be worth it but it's predominantly an agri colony, food's cheaper, housing's cheaper, the whole cost of living is lower. Still trying to work out how exactly the taxes work, but I think financially we'd be much better off."

"Then what's the problem? They don't make employees take a vow of celibacy do they?"

"Ha, no. I just... want to be certain. Like you said, it **sounds** perfect. With our luck? I don't quite trust it. It almost seems to good to be true."

"Maybe. Or maybe it's just time things went our way for once. Look... Don't let me or anyone else pressure you. You're the brains in this relationship, do some more research, dig a little deeper, make sure the office isn't built on top of a sinkhole or something. Check out your other options and make the decision that's right for you. Just... don't let fear hold you back from something awesome. Ok?"

"Ok. Thanks Nikki."

"Anytime, that's what I'm here for. How long have you got to accept the offer anyway?"

"Two weeks. Then they'll want me to start within a month."

"Shit. I won't be able to get time off to help you move."

"I know, don't worry. There's these people who's entire job is to move other people's stuff around."

"Yeah, I suppose you could do that. You looked into houses yet?"

"Briefly, not properly though. I wanted to do that together. At least send you the estate agent's links so we can talk through them, find something we both like. Most of it seems to be prefabs, but still..."

"Yeah I'd like that. It'll take time though, what are you going to do in the meantime if you accept?"

"I can stay at a hotel for a bit. Put most my stuff in storage, mum's willing to look after Jude for a month or two." Nikki smiled, for someone who wasn't certain about accepting Trish had sure put a lot of thought into how to make this work.

"Hotel's aren't cheap."

"Yeah well, Kassa's offered to pay the first month while I get settled into colony life."

"Damn, they really want you to say yes. We're talking a proper hotel right, not some dive?" There was a ping on her omni-tool and she looked down at the link to the hotel website, she gave a low whistle. "Do you think you could negotiate for three months and a double bed? I'm sure your mother can look after the dog a bit longer." Trish laughed but cut off when she heard another alert on Nikki's tool, she hadn't sent anything else. There was a moment's silence before the soldier gave a whispered: "Shit," and Trish had a pretty good idea what was coming next.

"Sorry babe, I got to go, duty calls."

"Ok, be careful." She knew better than to ask what was going on and no matter how much she hated it when their talks were interrupted she knew there was no point arguing about it.

"Of course, I'll text you later. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye." She severed the connection, taking a moment to refocus on what she had to do today rather than what Nick might be about to get into. She glanced down in surprise as her omni-tool pinged, for a moment she thought it was just junk mail then she realised the advert had had the company slogan replaced with the words [Staff discount?] and she shook her head with a smile.

...

There was a knock at the door and Shepard just managed to avoid hitting her head on the work top as she stood up. She knew it wasn't Trish, not only did her partner have a door code but she was still living at the hotel and had work today. Nikki had hoped to surprise her this morning before work, but she'd still been stuck in orbit trying to land. Then she'd had to drop Judy off in quarantine, they'd have to wait another day before they could pick her up, but it was better than the months of quarantine that had been necessary on Earth back in the 20th century and that had just been for traveling between countries! Still, that was no bad thing, at least it gave Nick time and space to get everything set up in the house. She finally made it to the front door, opening it to reveal a young lad with blond hair, well ok, so he was probably mid twenties, about her age give or take a couple years at most, but he **looked** young. He held out a hand.

"Hi, I'm Ben, I live next door."

"Shepard. Uh, I mean Nikki."

"Alliance huh?"

"That obvious?"

"Kind of... plus my cousin's in the marines, he's got one of those tops too." Nikki chuckled at her own oversight. The heat of the colony had allowed her to forgo her usual hoody and jeans combo in favour of shorts and a tank top. However after so long on Earth her wardrobe currently lacked diversity in that particular department and the clothing in question was part of her PT kit.

"Riiight, what can I do for you Ben?"

"Err, actually I came to ask if you needed a hand with anything?" The soldier looked bemused, almost incredulous at the idea that there might be anything she might not be capable of doing herself. "Not that you need any help obviously... I just saw all the delivery men clear out far too quickly to have helped set up and... Well, it's my day off and there's not exactly anything else to do around here..." She looked at him appraisingly before shrugging.

"Hell, who turns down free labour? Can't guarantee you'll be any less bored though. Come on in, you can pass me my tools. If you're good I might even let you move some heavy boxes later." He shot her a wondrous grin and traipsed in after her, she was already maneuvering herself into the small gap she'd vacated earlier but only after making sure her top was tucked in so it couldn't ride up and expose her scar. Didn't want to give the kid nightmares after all. Or maybe it was more she wasn't in the mood for questions and awkward pity from a stranger.

"So is there really nothing else better to do around here?" Nikki enquired as Ben stood awkwardly above her waiting for instructions. It wasn't that he regretted coming in or anything, just that with her head under the counter he was left with the sight of vast quantities of bare skin and very well sculptured muscles and he wasn't quite sure where to look. The thought that she could probably kill him without breaking a sweat wasn't as much of a turn off as it should have been either.

"Well there's a paintballing site on the other side of Joughin we can go to sometime if you like?"

"Pliers." He jumped to obey her request. "Sorry, I've only got a couple days leave to sort out the house for Trish and Jude then I'm back to the fleet."

"Oh, never mind then..." He felt a trickle of disappointment before he replayed her words, counting the number of names and finding a new spark of hope. "Hey you want to go into town tonight instead?"

"You got somewhere in mind? Crosshead screwdriver, the little one."

"Yeah, the Tavern plays live music Tuesdays and Fridays, most the time it's pretty good."

"Tavern, huh? Real original name. I'll have to check with Trish, but I don't see why not."

"So is Trish like your sister or-"

"Girlfriend."

"Oh, OH... I didn't realise you were gay." Nikki noticed something in his voice and frowned in confusion. _It's the 22nd century for fuck's sake, what's your problem?_

"Alliance don't give a damn whether or not we **are** straight, so long as we can **shoot** straight."

"Shit no, that's not what I meant, it's all cool. I just... assumed you were single."

"Assumed... are you calling me ugly now?"

"NO! I..." He groaned, burying his head in his hands in despair and mortification, unable to see the teasing twinkle in her eye that gave away the fact she wasn't really upset, even if it had taken her far too long to cotton on to where the conversation was heading. Despite now knowing it was pointless Ben found himself admitting: "You're beautiful, I was trying to ask you out." There was silence as he stewed in his own foolishness, the soldier not quite sure how to respond. She remained silent as she started wriggling herself back out, glad at least to be able to cross one more thing off her to-do list. It was Ben that ended up speaking first yet again:

"So uh... Trish **and** Jude, have you got a kid or are you guys poly?" There was a sharp peal of laughter that left him even more bewildered before she brought herself back under control enough to explain.

"Jude's a dog. I suppose you could argue she's our fur baby but we're definitely not sleeping together. At least... Trish **better** not be sleeping with her! Now do you want me to requisition a shovel or are you going to stop digging?"

"Yeah that might be a good idea." He murmured and Shepard finally took pity on him.

"Tell you what Ben, I won't tell Trish you hit on me so long as you promise to never try and hit on her." He nodded still embarrassed and she lightly punched him playfully in the arm, he looked up to see a devilish grin on her face. "Now, don't get the wrong idea here or anything, but do you want to help me make the bed?" He chuckled ruefully as he accepted her hand up and they went back to work, throwing the occasional joke or insult at each other along the way.

...

Nikki lay on her back on the hood of Trish's car with her eyes shut, basking in the late afternoon sun with a smile on her face as she waited semi-patiently. At least... she _**hoped**_ it was Trish's car! Her partner had decided against importing the old one from Earth and got a new model instead and since Nikki still hadn't seen any pictures of it yet she couldn't be 100% certain she was sprawled across the right vehicle, it matched the description though. An increase in background noise signaled an end to the work day, unknown voices chattering away as people entered the carpark, engines starting up and cars driving away. After a couple of minutes the sounds faded back to their previous quiet levels but she refused to entertain any doubt about her plan's chance of success. Even if a traitorous part of her brain **did** start running through contingency options. An extremely close, but relatively quiet, thud was her only warning before she sensed a presence climbing onto the car and heard a familiar voice.

"You lied to me... Again!"

"Did I?" Nikki asked without opening her eyes.

"You said I'd get to see you and Jude on the 24th, today's only the 23rd."

"Well that's hardly lying, you **will** see us on the 24th. I never said you **wouldn't** see me today." She finally twisted her head towards the voice and opened her eyes to reveal Trish laid on her side next to her. The older woman trying, and failing, to look annoyed. "Hi."

"Hi." Trish moved closer for a kiss, Nikki rolling her body over to match the angle of her head as she happily reciprocated. They parted, gazing into each other's eyes, Trish gently brushing hair out the soldier's face. "You know, one day you're going to do this once too often and I'm going to be very disappointed when you don't turn up early."

"If you want me to stop doing it you only have to ask." Came the soft reply and Trish shook her head.

"Well, seeing as you **are** here, what do you want to do now?"

"Lots of things, but there are cameras in the carpark." Nikki shot back without missing a beat, earning herself a laugh, a light shove to the shoulder and a peck on the cheek all in response to the same sentence. Before either of them could come up with a comeback they were interrupted by the gurgling of a stomach desperately trying to seek attention. "So, what do you want to do for dinner? We could go back to your swanky hotel and order room service or I can knock something up at home?"

"You already did a food shop?" Nikki nodded and Trish held an internal debate. A few weeks ago it would have been no contest but by now she'd sampled every interesting sounding meal at the hotel and she always enjoyed anything Nick made for her. She briefly wondered whether culinary expertise was hereditary before dismissing it as unimportant. "Let's head home, I want to see what you've done to the place."

...

"So... I probably should warn you. I may have made a _slight_ tactical error earlier." Nikki stated as they entered the front door. _Oh no, what's she done now?_ Trish wondered. Picturing broken furniture that Nikki was determined she could carry on her own, or wet paint or glue from where she started a project without checking how much time she had left or how long it took to dry.

"Did you forget to make the bed?"

"No, I made the bed."

"The shower? We better have a working shower." Nikki chuckled.

"All essential electrical appliances are installed and working... Except the TV, I've not even started on the living room yet. I did say 'slight' remember. I just saw something while I was shopping and had to get them for you, buuut I kinda forgot I hadn't finished unpacking yet." They finally reached the kitchen and Trish pulled up short at the sight, desperately trying not to laugh as Nikki wrapped her up in a hug from behind, resting a chin on her shoulder. Before her was a simply stunning set of flowers. Placed in the very centre of the kitchen table... In a blender. "I don't suppose you can remember which box you packed the vases in?" Trish finally lost her battle, laughing as she twisted her head round to gift a kiss.

"They're beautiful... What are they?"

"Flowers." Came the predictable response, the teasing tone making clear that she did know the actual answer but was just being facetious. "Ow, no need to elbow me in the dragon."

"Aww, want me to kiss it better for you?"

"Not if you actually want me to make some dinner tonight." Nikki warned, before answering the original question. "They're Common Irssal."

"Common to where?"

"Thessia. Give them a smell." Trish followed her partner's instruction, inhaling a pleasant honey like fragrance.

"Mmhmm, now I want pancakes." Nikki laughed, finally releasing her hold round Trish's waist as she headed for the fridge.

"Good thing I did a food shop then." She paused, turning round with a bottle of milk in one hand and eggs in the other to check: "Is that madam's final order?" Trish nodded before suddenly changing direction and shaking her head with a smirk.

"Concerning the food at least." There was the faintest hint of a blush across the soldier's face as she turned with a grin, heading to the counter to start mixing the ingredients together. Trish followed, mirroring their earlier position in reverse as she wrapped her arms round the younger woman. "This is perfect. Thank you."

"Careful, I've still got time to burn the pancakes."


	41. Chapter 41

Shepard stepped out of the command tent and into the allegedly organised chaos of the forward base, her brain busy trying to concoct contingency plans for all the varying scenarios that could occur as a result of the gaps in the intel reports that the mission had been planned on. Anybody else would have walked into someone by now, but the red and white stripe on her armour seemed to work wonders at clearing a route for her and it wasn't long before she was in the section of camp where the strike teams spent their down time.

She felt a prickle of annoyance when she noticed the camera drone, knowing full well that Alliance Media Ops wouldn't have given permission for the press to enter that particular section of camp. Her irritation only grew further as she recognised one of her men speaking to the reporter, clearly using sentences bigger than 'no comment', although it faded somewhat as she got close enough to hear the actual words.

"You see the enemy attaches microscopic cameras to the pyjaks and then train them to infiltrate Alliance camps and gather intel..." She almost wanted to wait and see how long the soldier could keep the story going before the reporter caught on, but unfortunately she had a job to do.

"Sergeant, you know the rules! No talking to the press without a warrant." The man looked suitably chastised even if he hadn't been divulging anything important, or true for that matter. Although it did back up a few of her suspicions regarding the recent Westerlund News broadcast that had claimed the instigator of the Skyllian Blitz, Elanos Haliat, was on the run disguising himself as various different species. With one notable alias being a turian named Sandy Claws. "Now go grab your gear and round up Echo squad, we've got another pyjak nest to clear."

"Yes Ma'am!" The Sergeant's eyes sparkled with suppressed glee at her continuing his fake news story as he spun away from the camera and started running. She turned to follow him but was stopped by a hand on her arm. A glare was enough for the reporter to rapidly remove it.

"Excuse me, uh... ma'am," If Shepard wasn't losing patience she might have been amused at the way the woman failed to decipher a rank from her armour. "Can I have a word?"

"Oh sure, you can have two words, 'comment' and 'no'. Arrange them in any order you want." She marched off and it didn't take long for her to begin shouting to her team. "Kassovitz, what the hell are you doing? ... Tough luck, I order you to lose that bet right now and grab your shit, you planning on letting the enemy die of boredom? Let's go!"

...

"Intel says they're moving merchandise through here but didn't say what." Shepard started the briefing as soon as the shuttle lifted off, hoping to get to the good bit before the rest of the nine man squad realised they were leaving orbit and started protesting the idea of withdrawing from the current war zone. She pointed out the relevant planet on the star charts before flipping to orbital photos of the target. "If it's drugs we destroy them, if it's slaves we bring them home."

"And if it's weapons?" Gurung inquired.

"A little bit of column A, a little of column B." Shepard missed who exactly came out with **that** remark but her money would be on either Elwick or Mercer, she decided to glare at them both equally.

"You all know what the regs say about looting, I better not catch anyone breaking them." Nobody bothered responding with 'don't worry, you won't catch us' but the understanding was certainly there. Truthfully she didn't care if the odd expensive weapon mod remained unaccounted for, her men deserved quality gear, sometimes it could quite literally make the difference between life and death, and if the Alliance wasn't willing to foot the bill for it then she could live with the occasional bouts of temporary blindness. So long as no-one took the piss. Anyone attempting to take anything strictly illegal in Citadel or Alliance space however would quickly find themselves in hot water and a military tribunal. Same with trying to make a steady income on the side.

"As I was saying, we're not getting backup on this one. They start pulling troops off the ground here or moving ships around, the enemy's going to notice and bolt. Now intel's sketchy at best but that's nothing new so, here's what we're gonna do..."

...

A double tap to the head broke his shields and ended the helmet-less batarian's life, Shepard quickly ducking back down behind cover as she searched for a new target. The enemy had been caught by surprise and despite their apparent intent to fight to the bitter end they had barely slowed her squad down.

A flicker of movement in her peripheral vision caught her attention and she turned in time to see a sniper relocate to a position with perfect sight lines on Elwick. She didn't have a clear shot and not enough time to move to get one, so she raised her omni-tool sending an overload and a prayer in the turian's direction, both seemingly hit the mark as the tech attack managed to knockout his shields and overheat the rifle before he could fire. He was obviously a pro, wasting no time messing around trying to fix it, instead simply dropping the useless weapon and drawing his sidearm but it was too late, Mercer hitting him with a shotgun blast as he flanked his position. All targets down they kept moving, securing the base room by room until they were all clear.

"Teams Two and Three security. Team One sweep for intel, double check for booby traps before you touch or hack anything. Medics sta-" It turned out she didn't need to give the medics orders, they were already carrying out their duty. Scanning the captives for injuries from outside the cages so they'd know what order they'd need to be treated in, and it seemed they'd already discovered something serious.

"Boss! She needs an emergency crike now!" Nikki glanced at McKendrick's glowing omni-tool display and back at the cage.

"I can't disarm the bomb that quick. Is it safe to move her closer to the bars." The answer was a firm negative. Nobody wanted to just sit and watch a child die when they were so close to saving them but they had no other choice, opening the cage doors would see them all blown up.

Shepard's eyes landed on a salarian inside the cage, she was by no means an expert on judging alien ages but she'd guess around ten/eleven. Not the oldest captive but then again salarians matured quicker than other species and while the rest were still in shock his eyes suggested he'd already processed everything and, maybe not come to terms with it, but at least understood what was going on. With a simple: "get me a trache tube" to the medic she waved him over, removing her helmet as she knelt by the bars.

"Beth's condition serious, no time for you to help, need me yes?" The youngster accurately surmised and Shepard simply nodded.

"I need you to cut an incision into her throat, put your hand through the bars and I'll show you where." She took gentle hold of his three fingered appendage and ran it across her bare throat, stopping at her thyroid cartilage. "Feel that yes? OK, now down here, feel that?" She paused at the cricoid cartilage, waiting for him to nod before moving back up again. "I need you to find those two points on her and then this bit in the middle, just here you feel that? I need you to make a vertical cut this long and this deep." She help up her fingers to demonstrate the appropriate sized gap, nodding when he copied with the same length.

"Very good, then the same again horizontally and you have to put this tube in her throat." Mac handed her a trache tube and scalpel and she passed them through the bars in turn. "Think you can manage that? Very good." The salarian scrambled over to the girl and Shepard nodded encouragingly as he looked over to check his positioning.

"You know the odds of this working are slim right?" The medic warned in a hushed tone. "Even with someone trained it would-"

"I know but you got a better plan? I'll take a one in a hundred chance of success over one in a billion that a miracle will magically make her not die without oxygen."

"And if it fails? Getting the kid involved, he could end up with some serious guilt issues, you think about that?"

"He's salarian, he's a quarter of the way through his life cycle already, hardly a child by their standards. Besides they've been slaves for months Mac, they're gonna have to have compulsory counseling sessions regardless." The medic shook his head but remained silent.

"Now what?" The salarian called out, the soldiers breathing twin sighs of relief as they saw the girl's chest start rising again.

"Now, I disarm the bombs. Mac will talk you through anything else."

...

"No comment." Trish hadn't been paying any attention to the TV in the corner until she heard what sounded like a familiar voice.

"No comment." A different voice. She wondered if she'd imagined the first one but looked up anyway. The report claimed to be breaking and live at the scene of an Alliance victory, two soldiers carried a stretcher with a young human girl led out on it, other children of various species moving in the middle of a squad of helmeted, black armoured troops.

"No comment." Yet another voice claimed as its owner passed the camera. Each soldier in turn issuing the same refrain until:

"Hi Mom." Trish couldn't help a smile at that, _there's always one._ She couldn't see the speaker's face through his helmet but he'd sounded young, although not as young as the turian getting a piggyback on his shoulders or the asari clutching his hand as she walked beside him.

"Copy that, thanks Eagle. Get out of here, we'll find somewhere to hole up." The voice that had first caught her attention suddenly spoke again and she was pretty certain it was who she thought it was. That certainty solidified as the camera moved to focus on the speaker, revealing N7 armour. "Alright folks, you heard the man. Get them back to objective 2 and dig in, I'll get dipshit." The camera seemed torn between following the about facing squad or the dashing leader, but decided to follow the N7 as she headed towards its owner.

"Can I ask a few questions?" The reporter immediately jumped to work, solidifying the accuracy of his new nickname.

"No you ca- ... You're actually broadcasting live? I don't believe- You idiot! Fine, give it here." It was subtle and Trish doubted anybody who didn't know Nikki personally could have picked up on the deception, but she knew all her partner's minute tells and was certain the soldier had known full well from the start that the camera was broadcasting. She didn't know what or why, but she was convinced that meant the N7 was already carrying out some complex scheme. The woman onscreen touched a button and her helmet de-tinted, finally revealing the familiar face.

"Hi slavers! Congratulations on tracing this broadcast signal, you're either moderately clever or insanely stupid. Now I know you're sitting up there in your silly little spaceships with all your silly little guns, and I know you're just itching to get your base and all your merchandise back, but I'm afraid if you want these kids you got to go through me... Now if you were smart, I'd recommend finding an Alliance patrol to surrender to, _**but**_ if you got a death wish then come on down. My men and I will be happy to oblige. Oh and if those idiots at Intelligence are watching, I've got three words for you: Delta-Delta-Five. If you want to live come with me and stop broadcasting." That last was aimed not at camera but the reporter directly and seconds later the video cut to black, switching hastily to a news anchor in the station somewhere completely different who certainly wasn't ready for it.

"Uh... We'll have more on that story as it unfolds." _Not if Nikki gets her way you won't._ Trish thought briefly, before her thoughts went tumbling down far more worrying paths.

...

"Good thing we didn't blow the demo charges yet." Shepard stated casually as she strode into the formerly enemy base. "Alright, we're switching up the teams. Mac, Wizzo and Big G, Team Three, take the civvies and hole up in that crashed ship a couple klicks south. Maintain radio silence, I want you completely dark, Wizzo will scram and jam. Same code phrases for success and duress as before, if we genuinely need to update your orders the authentication code will be 'Sarah Jane called'. Kassovitz, Little G, with me, the rest of you Team Two. We're going full on Lemmy Johnson."

Despite how random her words must sound to anyone else, her squad knew exactly what she meant and started getting to work reinitiating the base's defenses. The two medics grabbed either end of Beth's stretcher and started moving, Wizzo and the journo helping herd the rest of the children, but the eldest turian broke free, racing up in front of her.

"I want to help, I can fight!" Shepard looked the youngster up and down.

"You sure about that? You look a couple months shy of boot camp to me."

"I can fight." She held back a sigh at the repetition, she knew it was important not to judge aliens by human standards: asari in their nineties were still equivalent to human teenagers, salarians were nearing the end of their lives in their forties and so had to mature much quicker accordingly. All turians in hierarchy space went to boot camp at age 15 and many important families gave their own children a head start in military training much earlier. That knowledge didn't stop her from seeing a kid that needed protecting though. It also didn't stop her recognising the determined look in his eye, the one that declared if she didn't give permission, he'd try his luck at something dangerous anyway.

"What's your name?" She caught herself before she said 'kid'.

"Barro, Astur Barro. I can fight."

"I believe you. I'm not asking if you can fight Astur, I'm asking if you can follow orders? _**My**_ orders." He nodded and part of her hated what she was about to do."Ok then. Repeat after me: I Astur Barro, swear upon my honour as a turian to do my duty to the hierarchy. To defend our land, protect our people and help our allies. As long as blood flows through my veins I shall not falter. To disobey a legal order is to mutiny, to give an illegal order is calefricum." Shepard was privately pleased when she pronounced the turian word perfectly, not only was there no direct translation but it had taken four members of Blackwatch half an hour to explain the full significance of the concept to her training cadre. Out of everything she'd learnt during joint species training ops she certainly never thought the thing she'd first find a practical use for was the turian pledge of allegiance. The few members of her team not busy weren't looking so impressed, but she wasn't sure if it was due to her knowing the words or agreeing to the boy's request. The turian however was standing to attention, practically radiating pride as he spoke the words. No longer repeating them but reciting them with her in perfect sync.

"Until my service is up I shall live and breathe by the code. Death before dishonour, service before self." Astur finished with a salute and Shepard returned the gesture in the turian style. She allowed him a moment to bask in his private glory before handing over a pistol. Reassured when he completed the appropriate safety checks before holstering it.

"Ok, Barro. You're with Team Three, protect the civilians. Wizzo will be your section lead, carry on." She saw the feeling of betrayal in his eyes, if he'd been human he'd have protested and whined about wanting to fight on the front lines, but it was a legal order and he'd made his pledge, as a turian there was nothing he could do except mutter:

"Yes ma'am" and dejectedly slink away. It was now official: she felt like an evil little shit. She quickly banished the thought from her mind, there was a job to do.

"Alright, I'm gonna go booby trap the rear exit tunnels. You got thirty minutes to finish making this place a death trap then we're moving out." It was true that the base was the most defensible place on the planet but her team had already proven that it could be breached and as the saying went: 'make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out'. They didn't have the numbers or the food supplies to withstand a siege, besides they were called strike teams for a reason, they might as well play to their advantages.

...

Trish was fine. Seriously. She hadn't expected to hear anything from Nikki for a couple more days anyway. The lack of messages was nothing unusual. Normal actually. Expected. It was perfectly fine, and so was she.

Ok so she _nearly_ murdered Ben when he visited and almost gave her a heart attack, ringing the doorbell like that instead of giving his customary secret knock. And she _appeared_ to have developed a habit of holding her breath whenever she answered a call regardless of whether it was at home or the office, but that didn't _mean_ anything.

She was used to Nick being out of contact for long periods of time. Often she didn't even know if Nikki was on an op or just bumming around the base bored, waiting for something to happen. Most the time she could get away with kidding herself it was the latter, but even on the occasions when Nick had been called away mid call for an op and she knew for certain that shit was going down, it wasn't normally quite this worrying.

Then again Nikki didn't usually go on galactic television and practically scream 'come on then if you think you're hard enough!' to every piece of outlaw scum in the sector. Trish had already accepted the fact that their scheduled phone call wouldn't be happening and instead of setting an alarm to make sure she had time to pee and get a drink and get comfortable before the call like she normally did, she surfed random vids on the net, desperately trying to ignore the fact there might be anything wrong. She was therefore startled when her omni-tool rang right on time. Her breath catching as she answered, hoping it wasn't the Alliance.

"Hi babe."

" **Nikki!?** "

"Uh, yeah... you expecting someone else?" Came the slightly confused but mostly teasing response. It certainly didn't sound like one of those awful cheesy and impractical moments in the vids where the overwhelmed soldier called to confess their love and say goodbye.

"How long have you been back from your mission?"

"I don't know, about eight or ten hours. Why?"

"You didn't think to message me?"

"Why, it's wednesday ain't it? We already had this call scheduled, I start messaging you randomly you're gonna assume something's wrong and start worrying." Trish could just picture the casual shrug that accompanied that statement.

"So... You didn't want to worry me?" She didn't even attempt to hide the incredulity in her voice.

"Yeah, what's wro- Hang on... How do you even know I was on a mission? I didn't tell you about this one."

"Uh, I saw your little interview on the news." Her eyebrows raised pointedly even though there was no video to convey the fact to Nikki.

"Interview? I haven't- Shit! Fuck... sorry babe, I forgot about that."

" **Forgot!?** How the hell do you forget about something like that?" Trish finally lost it, her voice getting higher.

"I was kinda busy! As I'm sure you can imagine if you saw that broadcast." Trish finally calmed down slightly, feeling guilty as she realised she hadn't even asked yet:

"Are you alright? Did you get them all out?" Nick sighed morosely.

"Not quite, nearly... One of the kids didn't make it. 'Infection arising from complications after emergency battlefield surgery'. Might have made it if we got her to a med bay quick enough but, well..."

"I'm sorry... At least you saved the rest of them. What about your team?"

"Nothing medi-gel and a good shrink won't fix."

"And you? You alright?"

"Of course. I'm five by fi- No, wait... You know how you're always moaning that I say I'm five by five all the time when I never use the rest of the scale?" The relief residing in her chest was instantly shot down and replaced with worry. "Well five by three, I sprained my knee." Even on an audio only call Trish could see that damn grin across her partner's face as she groaned in reply.

"You are **rubbish** at this whole reassuring me thing."

"Sorry."

"I still can't believe you forgot about sticking your middle finger up at a bunch of slavers on live television."

"I didn't actually stick-" It was Nikki's turn to groan. "Would I be in more or less trouble if I lied and pretended I had amnesia from a concussion?"

"Depends on whether it's true or not."

"Sorry who are you? What are we talking about again?"

"Very funny Nikki. Ha, ha, ha. I'm dying of laughter."

"Really? Sounds more like you're planning ways to kill me. I might have to start wearing my armour round the house." The soldier sighed, suddenly growing serious again. "I really am sorry Trish. I apologise for being a hopeless, unthinking idiot and making you worry longer than you had to, it won't happen again."

"What won't? Being an idiot, daring an entire slave syndicate fleet to attack you on live television or not messaging me to let me know the moment you were safe?"

"Uh... the last one?" Trish couldn't help a faint chuckle, no matter how much she wanted to be pissed at Nikki she just couldn't manage it for very long.

"Alright sweetheart I forgive you. For future reference, if you think there's even the slightest chance of the media leaking your whereabouts or actions then I'd much rather get a message out of nowhere saying you're fine when I didn't know you might not be, rather than be worrying over something I saw on the news ok?"

"Ok. I'll try and keep it in mind." Trish smiled, finally starting to fully relax and de-stress for the first time since she saw the news report. They started chatting about anything and nothing, and were still talking when her omni-tool chimed with a message. She glanced down and burst out laughing when she read:

[So... you may have seen me on the news a couple days ago. I don't want you to worry I'm perfectly safe now. Oh and some weird stuff's been happening with military omni-tools recently, you should ignore the time stamp on this, it was **totally** sent ten hours ago. Love you, Nikki. (Sorry)]

...

 **Author's note:** I wanted Shepard to be known by the public for something other than Akuze. It always bugged me slightly, "oh you had a deeply traumatic experience? We're going to keep talking about it to your face, saying how cool and awesome you were during it, you don't mind do you?" That and (in this story at least) Akuze is classified. Spectre's and important people will know about it, but not the everyday grunts and civvies. They might vaguely have heard a few rumours about what happened but not who was involved.

The other reason for this chapter is a trial run for when we get to the games and need to cover the missions without completely ignoring Trish, if you have any opinions on whether or not you think it works let me know. Do you want more action/less action? Nikki to talk more about what's happened and how she feels about the mission to Trish or just solely use her as a distraction, messing about and not telling her anything about what's going on? I know some things will be classified but she can make hints and vague generalised statements. Things like: "sorry babe can't talk about it, lets just say the politicians are being arseholes again. Load of no good, backstabbing..." etc

As always: hope you're still enjoying and yes I know I'm well past the timeframe I stated a while back for Eden Prime. It will **definitely** happen before the end of June but it won't be the next chapter.


	42. Chapter 42

[What do you think?] That's all the message said. There was no clue or warning about the deviancy about to occur. Just those four simple words and a picture of a black dress. So, Nikki gave her honest opinion.

[Ooh, that is sexy!]

[So you'll wear it?] The feeling was much like that time they'd been ambushed by a mixed krogan and hanar mercenary squad: Shock, horror and a desire to laugh hysterically. At least with the ambush her best course of action had been clear.

[Umm... I think you have the wrong number, this is your OTHER girlfriend. The one who DOESN'T wear dresses!]

[Oh silly me, so it is! I thought I was talking to the girlfriend who agreed to accompany me to the tech awards.]

[Yeah about that... You didn't say anything about a dress, I think I'm cleaning my rifle that night.]

[Don't even think about it Shepard, I believe your words were 'I wouldn't miss it for the world'.] There was a far longer pause than normal with no comeback and the sunbathing Trish started to worry she was going to get the text version of the silent treatment. Either that or an essay. Eventually her omni-tool pinged with an audio file, already cued up to play part way through, she opened it and was instantly met with music.

{I would do anything for love, anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do THAT!} Trish burst into laughter as the song built to a crescendo and when it ended she jumped straight past the marker to the very beginning for another listen. The noise soon caught the neighbour's attention, Ben coming out into the garden with a smile.

"I didn't know you liked Meat Loaf?"

"First time I've heard it. Nick just sent it to me." His face faded to a concerned frown.

"Everything ok between you two?" Instead of explaining she scrolled up a bit and held her omni-tool out so he could read the conversation. When he finished he looked up with a devilish grin: "Just tell her I'll go."

"Well now, that could work." Her fingers rapidly typed across the interface. [Nice song. Don't worry about it then, Ben's agreed to be my plus one.] The reply was instant:

[The hell he is!] The co-conspirators smirked to each other but a second message quickly followed the first: [Hang on, does HE have to wear the dress? If so I want pics and you have my blessing. Have fun guys.]

"Damn!" They looked at each other for inspiration, Ben opening his mouth to say something and wordlessly closing it again several times before Trish started typing again. He craned his head for a better view, eyes widening as he read [Ben will wear one if you do]

"What? No! Don't send that, I didn't agree- ... ... ... I hate you."

"Come off it, don't tell me you don't want to see Nikki in a dress too."

"Well yeah, but-"

[Guess that settles it. No dresses.]

[Come on sweetie, you knew it would be a formal bash, you didn't think you could turn up in a hoody did you?]

[No, but I've got this thing called no.1 uniform that I thought I could wear. I seem to remember you saying I looked good in it.]

"She does look pretty good in it."

"Who's side are you on here Ben?"

"What!?" They continued debating among themselves, completely forgetting about the need to send a message back until Trish's omni-tool rang with an incoming call. She hit the accept button.

"Ben, if you're there do me a favour and sod off. I need to speak to Trish a moment." Was the less than cheerful greeting.

"Sodding off." The man replied before quickly scurrying away.

"Nikki! That wasn't very nice, what's got into you?"

"What? I want a private conversation and I don't have time for small talk. What's all this dress business really about babe?"

"It's just a dress Nick. It's not some dark sinister plot or something, I just thought you'd look good in it. I've never seen you in a dress before."

"Yeah, there's a reason for that."

"Which is?" Trish prodded after a moment of silence made it clear the soldier wasn't going to expand upon the topic on her own.

"I just don't like them... No, it's more than not liking. I'm not comfortable in them. That... doesn't really explain it either..." This time the civilian kept quiet in the pause, knowing her partner was trying to think of the right words to use. "It's... It's like my entire body is screaming at me to get it off right now. I don't know why, it just is. It's like a claustrophobic person being trapped in an elevator, I can't think about anything else except getting out."

"I didn't know... Guess if I want to see you in a dress I'll have to practice my photo editing skills then." Trish teased, earning a tension easing chuckle.

"Sorry babe."

"It's alright. You **are** still coming right? I don't care what you wear as long as you're there."

"Yeah I'll be there. Wait, did you just say I can wear whatever I want? Does that-"

"No hoodies!" Trish quickly amended as she saw where her girlfriend was heading.

"Damn, nearly... What about-"

"It's got to be smart dear, and you **know** I mean formal smart not clever smart, before you start going through your smart-ass quotes t-shirt collection."

"Fine, fine. I'm sure I can find **something** to wear."

...

Nikki possessed many varied skills, unfortunately sitting quietly and patiently for long periods of time didn't appear to be one of them. Which was a little strange when you thought about it, after all she didn't seem to have a problem with silence and stillness when waiting several days in the same spot to launch an ambush. Maybe she just needed something to focus on, she could do with a hobby. Right now however her near constant fidgeting and random mouth or finger generated sounds were bugging the hell out of Trish, no matter how hard she tried to ignore her girlfriend and concentrate on debugging the problematic algorithms. She subconsciously smiled as she noticed the slight irony, before finally losing her patience as her partner blew up her cheeks and hit the sides of her face to noisily force the air back out.

"For crying out loud Nick, just go outside!"

"But it's raining." Came back the childish pout.

"Then go round Ben's house or something." The soldier slunk out without another word and Trish breathed a sigh of relief as she focused back on her work. She felt a little bad that she was ignoring Nick after she came all this way for her, but she really wanted to get this finished before the award ceremony. It felt like mere minutes before she heard Nikki's voice again and for a brief second she wondered if the N7 had merely hacked the clock, there was no way it had been three and a half hours already! Although it might explain why she was hungry. She glanced up as the dastardly duo entered the room, halfway through what sounded pretty close to an argument, and she tried not to laugh at the sight that met her eyes.

"I don't know what you're upset about Ben. It's short, easy to maintain, out of your eyes and above all free. It ticks all the boxes."

"It's lopsided! I can't believe you slaughtered my hair!"

"What did you expect asking a marine to cut it? Killing things is what we do!"

"I didn't ask, you offered."

"I only offered because you kept going on about it being too long. Trish said you've been moaning about your hair for months. You **could** have said no. Or better yet, paid a professional to do it."

"I assumed you knew what you were doing!"

"First rule of life: Never assume."

"Children, please!" Trish groaned, she had been so close to the solution but now she felt the answer, and her sanity, slip through her grasp. "Why are you back already anyway?"

"Figured I best bring you some food, I know you forget to eat when you get wrapped up in a project." Nikki stated, producing a takeaway bag with a flourish and looking about as smug as a cat who's dragged in a pigeon. That simile became far too accurate when Trish opened up the containers to find only a handful of egg fried rice left, the grains of rice far outnumbered by peas. It was accompanied by a solitary chicken ball, HALF a pancake roll and an almost decent sized portion of chow mein. Although that last probably had more to do with Nikki's penchant for always buying three times more noodles than rice rather than any actual attempt to leave her some.

"Thanks... I think." For a moment Trish wondered why they couldn't have simply come in when the food first arrived and had the meal together, then she realised that would mean putting up with their annoyingness the entire time and decided she much preferred this scenario. Nicola's seemingly bizarre actions often tended to be well thought out and make a strange sort of sense if you just applied a completely different type of logic than normal to them. Still, she felt an eyebrow raise of its own accord as she examined the pancake roll, noticing bite marks along the edge instead of the clean cut of a knife. "You're lucky I love you."

"Love you too babe." Nikki cheerfully intoned as she gifted her with a kiss to the cheek, before turning to walk back out. "Come on Ben, off we fuck. See you tonight babe."

...

Ben had been wrong. Nikki didn't look 'pretty good' in her Alliance dress blues. She looked drop dead gorgeous and sexy as hell. Of course it was possible Trish was biased. Considering the amount of attention her girlfriend seemed to be attracting from other quarters however, she doubted her assessment was too far off from reality. She supposed she couldn't blame people for looking, Shepard was stunning and they were only human after all. Well... and asari... aaand she was no expert but there had to be a question mark about that turian by the bar... Ok, so they were mere mortals, and if she hadn't been lucky enough to capture the soldier's heart she'd be checking her out too (hell, she had and she still was). No, while she wished they were a bit less obvious about it, she could live with people devouring her partner with their eyes. Safe in the knowledge that she'd be the only one who got to devour her for real later. What **did** threaten to piss her off however, were some people's subtle attempts to flirt with her N-baby (Nikki's assertion that: as a level 7 she was an official N-guy now and no longer an N-baby, had been wholeheartedly ignored by Trish). She had thought it had been pretty clear when they entered that they were together as more than just an escort, but as soon as her boss pulled her away with a brief 'can I borrow Ms Stewart for a moment' the vultures had begun to circle, desperate to usurp her position.

Part of her wanted to be annoyed when Nikki didn't immediately shoot down their advances, then again they **were** subtle, she didn't think her hopeless Mindorian had even cottoned on to what was happening. Nicola had always struggled to distinguish the difference between flirting and playful banter, tending to interpret all but the most obvious advances as the later. So Trish was content to reserve her irritation for the perpetrators and not take it out on her blissfully unaware partner. It certainly helped that throughout the entire evening the only ass she caught the N7 checking out was her own.

She'd been away for far too long now though, she decided as she witnessed the purple crested harlot attempt to give Nikki a drink for the fourth time. _If you're going to make a pass at her then at least pay attention to her! How can you have still not noticed she's not drinking by now?_ Trish thought enraged. She made her excuses to her current social circle and headed back over, taking a slight detour along the way to request an empty cocktail glass from one of the servers as an idea popped into her head.

...

"What about this one?" One of the soldier's many admirers inquired, pointing to another of the ribbons on her chest as Trish crept up unobserved behind the group.

"Distinguished combat medal."

"And what did you get it for?"

"Sorry, that's classified." Trish smirked at the response but the rest of the crowd weren't as impressed by the answer, clearly they'd been hoping for some heroic tale of daring do. Admittedly even the heavily censored and highly abridged version she'd been given when she'd asked about it had been rather dashing. Still she figured now was as good a time as any to interrupt.

"Can I tempt you to a cocktail?"

"No thanks I-... **Trish!** " The clearly automated response cut off mid sentence as Nikki recognised her voice and turned round. The polite, careful smile that had adorned her features since being separated, swept aside by a much more genuine grin. One that only grew when she finally looked down at the contents of the cocktail glass in the civilian's hand. "Oh, that is **brilliant!** It's even got one of those little umbrella stick things!" She immediately picked up said umbrella, using it to skewer a chunk of cheese, pineapple and one of the mini cocktail sausages out of the glass and into her mouth.

"Mmm, best cocktail ever! This is why I love you babe." It might be childish but Trish would admit to feeling great joy and smugness at the looks that overcame the other hangers-on as they finally realised they had no hope.

"Because I bring you food?" The soldier shook her head.

"Because you're smart, sexy and bring me food. I liked your speech by the way... Slightly disappointed you didn't use mine."

"The one that started: 'peers and peasants, thank you for finally acknowledging my genius'?"

"Yeah, it would have been awesome. Still, never mind... Can we go get more cocktails?"

...

The thing about Nikki not drinking was that she didn't have to suffer hangovers the next day, Trish grouched as she woke up just before midday with a dry throat and a sore head. It just wasn't fair. Then again at least Nikki **used** to drink, so she was aware of the hell that was the morning after and it appeared today she was being considerate rather than crashing noisily round the kitchen under the guise of 'kindly' making her breakfast in bed.

Instead the house was silent as Trish reached for the water and painkillers on the bedside cabinet that she had forgotten to leave out the night before. Beside them led a datapad and once she was sure the light from screen wouldn't burn out her retinas she turned it on.

[You're alive! I'm going to take Jude round Ben's so we don't wake you. Call or message me if you want anything. Love Nikki P.S - I ate the last of the bacon. If you want me to make a breakfast that utilizes this magic ingredient please make it very clear so I can steal Ben's before I head back. P.P.S - Your award's in the kitchen. I know last night you said you didn't need it when you had me but I figured I'd carry it back anyway, just in case sober you had a different opinion.] Trish smiled, briefly considering calling her partner back to wait on her. The painkillers seemed to be doing their job however so she decided to get up and hunt Nikki down herself. She found the pair of them in Ben's garden. The civilian trying to work on his model army while the soldier flicked through something on a datapad.

"I don't get the point. You're the only one on the colony who does this so you can't exactly play with them against anybody."

"I can play games on the extranet, just select an army and which units I want to field and then it mocks the whole thing up digitally."

"But then why bother spending all that money on the models if you don't need them for the game?"

"Because I like to, painting them's relaxing. At least, it is when you're not here." If the jibe was supposed to shut her up it didn't work.

"You should get one of these." Shepard declared, holding the datapad up to show him something. Ben glanced up briefly, shrugging before returning his attention back to his task.

"Can't, wrong army."

"But it looks badass."

"I already have warbikes... Page 83 if you want to look." Nikki flicked through the pad and Trish belatedly realised it was a catalogue she was scrolling through.

"Meh, they're boring, you should get the others. Just leave the people out and put in the riders from your own side."

"Doesn't work like that, you can't just use units from other armies!"

"Why not? Half the merc groups in the Terminus use AX-9s even if they're not turian and more and more are getting hold of VT7s. As for shuttles even batarians _inside_ the hegemony have been known to use kodiaks."

"Will you shut up if I give you a model to paint?"

"Nope."

"What if I ask you nicely?"

"Doubt it. Hey these spiky dudes would look awesome on your tank."

"They're not even the same species! I can't have them in my army."

"That's a little racist."

"It's not! It's a fictional game with made up species that existed long before First contact and you can't just mess with the lore. Besides I'm not building a merc group, it's an official army. You don't have any aliens in the Alliance."

"Not sworn in as marines and supplied by us no, but there are plenty joint operations where we train and fight together with other species and we're always pinching each other's kit. You could totally have platoons from different armies fight alongside your main force."

"Look it's my army and I'll do what I want. If you think a mixed merc army would look good then get your own models."

"No thanks, looks far too boring."

"You're just saying that because you don't have the patience to sit still long enough to work on them. Probably just as well really... it's far too fiddly for you to be any good at."

"Fuck off, too fiddly!" Came the incensed reply and Trish considered interrupting before things became too heated. However despite the seemingly antagonistic relationship between the two of them, they always seemed more than happy in each other's company. "Anything you can do I can do better." All of a sudden Trish realised what it reminded her of: the interactions between the Shepard siblings all those years ago on Mindoir. The thought brought a smile to her face and a lump to her throat and she quickly retreated, not wanting to interrupt them. She was more than happy to continue eavesdropping though.

"Bet you the tank on page 3 you can't."

"That's a crap bet, I don't want a tank."

"Just as well, seeing as you're going to lose."

"I'm not poncing about with your stupid models."

"You just don't want to admit there's something I'm better at than you."

"You're very cocky for someone who hasn't even seen any evidence of my skills, you know I used to be a mechanic right? I can fiddle with things just fine when I want to."

"Oh sure, a mechanic, and how is that a demonstration of skill? You just slap omni-gel on things."

"You did **not** just... Oh, that's it. Give me that paint brush, you're going down!" Ben shook his head with an impish grin, holding the brush out of reach.

"Not so fast, you got to build one yourself first." She glared at him, before reaching out for the glue instead, completely unaware how wrong her silent assertion was that the miniature figure would be both her first _and last_ model.


	43. Eden Prime

"I've not got long, we'll be hitting the mass relay soon." Shepard let her body relax, leaning slightly against the back of a chair as she stood with arms folded in the comm room. The hologram of her partner flickering slightly but no lag as they managed to hold a realtime conversation across multiple star systems. Somehow she'd managed to get away with wearing the more comfortable and practical basic uniform rather than the formal dress blues that every other officer onboard seemed to currently be sporting.

"It's a beautiful ship Trish, I'm just not sure what I'm doing on it."

"Come on _Commander_ , you deserve it."

" _ **Deserve**_ more paperwork, yeah great. I swear, if this is your uncle's idea of nudging me into a non-combat role I'll..."

"Relax. You're far too good at your job for that. No matter how much I'd prefer it if you were safe."

"Trish..."

"Yeah I know, I'm sorry Nikki, I shouldn't have said..." She was interrupted by a clock alarm in the background and she held back a groan. "I've got to get to work."

"Ok. We're going to be comms dark for a few days, nothing serious, just fully testing the new systems. I'll message when I can. Love you babe."

"Love you too sweetheart. Take care of yourself."

"Always." She left the comm room with a spring in her step, even after all these years the sight of Trish, even just in holographic form, always brightened her day. She acknowledged the nods and salutes of the crew as she made her way through the CIC to the cockpit, noting Nihlus standing in her target spot and stopping just behind him. If she wasn't entirely sure what **she** was doing on the ship that went double for the turian spectre.

"Approach corridor locked in, relay is hot. We're a go." Shepard felt the strange sensation inside her that she always felt during a relay jump. Everybody who experienced it described it in a different way but the closest thing that what she felt reminded her of was a sudden stop in a too fast elevator, only sideways. The stars changed in the blink of an eye as they were instantaneously transported to another part of the galaxy but she had barely two seconds to take in the new sky before they were accelerating again, the whole visible spectrum blue shifting before them as they returned to FTL speeds. It was a magnificent sight and one so few people got to see. Unless you were on a ship with an observation lounge or had a job where you were allowed in the cockpit, most other ranks would never get the chance to witness it. Barging in to use the window if she wasn't on duty during a jump was one of the few abuses of her rank she allowed herself, ever since first experiencing it two years ago. Somehow the novelty still hadn't worn off.

"Alright next relay is in two hours, so unless you've got a reason to be here..." Shepard smiled at the pilot's attempt to clear the room without blatantly giving his superiors an order.

"See you in two hours Joker." She turned on her heel, noticing as she did how the spectre followed her. She wasn't in the mood for his games so when she reached the CIC she stepped up to the galaxy map where Anderson was proudly surveying his new domain, throwing him a crisp salute.

"Sir." Out the corner of her eye she continued to watch Nihlus who, without a handy excuse to stop anywhere in the CIC, had to keep walking. The slightest quirk to the captain's lips told her he'd cottoned on to what she was doing.

"Come to give a status report on the cockpit Commander?"

"Aye Sir. View from the window confirms the fancy tech isn't lying, we really have blue-shifted and Joker hasn't broken anything yet, neither the ship nor himself."

"Very good. Carry on."

"One more thing Sir, is there a reason Nihlus is shadowing me?" He'd been hoping she wouldn't ask about that, he didn't like hiding things from her but he had his orders. He wouldn't insult her by denying it or calling her paranoid though.

"Sorry Shepard, all information regarding the spectre's presence onboard is classified on a need to know basis." If it had been Rizzi in front of him she'd probably say something along the lines of: 'but I'm an N7, I **need** to know.' Malhotra would have just nodded with a brisk: 'understood'. Kai Leng would probably have tried to threaten the information out of him, but then Leng was always a loose canon. Nobody at the villa mourned when he was kicked out the service. Instead the brass had chosen Shepard to be here and she gave a carefree shrug as she leant back against the rail, her lips morphing into that damn smirk of hers.

"Classified, riiiight. Are we talking twenty questions classified or I've got to go apply my villa skills to your computer classified?" They both knew she wasn't usually so casual with ship-side superiors but years of having each other's backs on ground missions had established a bond that overcame 'little things' like regs and the chain of command. She never questioned orders and was professional in front of others, so he tended to let it slide. Mainly because most the time he enjoyed their banter. He shook his head, focusing on keeping his lips under control and managing to force something that hopefully looked like a glare on his face.

"Don't you have something else to be doing Commander?"

"Not really. I'm off duty, you've got the deck, nobody's shooting at me and _**someone**_ forgot to pack a Mako for me to tinker with. I'm not fussy you know, I would have accepted a Grizzly. 'Loves long hikes in the countryside' sounds great on a dating profile but looses its charm when you're under fire." He couldn't hold back the laugh at that, startling a few people nearby, including Lieutenant Alenko who must have been within hearing distance of the previous remark as he made his way towards the cockpit.

"Sorry Shepard, I know you like your toys but we need the space in the cargo hold." He noticed his slip up the same time he noticed the change in her grin from teasing to victorious.

"So we're picking something up. What's the payload Captain?"

"I can't answer that question." Her smile switched to positively evil upon hearing the old staple villa response and she moved closer, lowering her voice so only he could hear as she recited:

"Boots-boots-boots-boots, movin' up and down again."

"I'll move my boot up your arse if you're not careful Shepard."

"Seven, six, eleven-"

"One more word and I'll pump that foul poem into your sleeping pod speakers all night, every night for the duration of this posting." She chuckled, holding her hands up in surrender and taking a half step back.

"I'm good thanks." Her attention was drawn to noise behind her and she half turned to see the doctor had finally succeeded in tracking down the youngest member of the ground team, only to be cornered in turn and subjected to incessant questioning. "Please tell me I was never that young Sir."

"Only if you tell me the same."

"You? Hell Anderson, you were old when Jesus was a lance corporal."

"I walked straight into that one. Go, dismissed, find someone else to bug. I've got a ship to run." This time her salute reeked of cheeky mockery instead of crisp professionalism as she turned to leave. He knew a few officers who would have cried insubordination at that but he just shook his head with a smile.

...

Two hours later she was strictly professional as they briefed her in the comm room. The only thing that could even potentially be interpreted as cheeky being the glib, 'I already figured that out' when the turian informed her their mission was more than a simple shakedown run. Anderson thought she took the news of her testing for potential Spectrehood in stride, but it was hard to be sure, her face remaining completely neutral with no more emotion than if he told her to storm a bunker or infiltrate an enemy stronghold. He didn't see her reaction when Joker forwarded the distress call, too busy focusing on the video himself, but an independent observer might have noticed how completely they mirrored each other. Eyes narrowing in concentration, scrutinizing every millimeter of the screen for details, eyebrows raising and frowns furrowing at the exact same moments. The video was awful, shaking so much as to be indecipherable. Chaos and confusion was rampant as marines fought and died, but without ever getting a glimpse on camera of who was firing at them.

"Joker, reverse and hold at thirty-eight point five." Anderson ordered just as Shepard opened her mouth intending to request that they rewind a couple of seconds. The monstrous ship revealed on screen was like nothing any of them had ever seen before, the three spec ops soldiers sharing a silent glance as the possibility of a first contact scenario crossed their minds. The other alternative, that one of the existing galactic powers had managed to build something this big and completely different from all existing ship designs without even a rumour leaking was just as bad. "Commander grab Jenkins and Alenko and suit up, Nihlus we'll meet you in the cargo hold. This mission just got a lot more complicated."

...

Shepard snapped the last of her colossus armour into place, the traditional N7 paint job of black with red and white stripe distracting the casual viewer from the fact it wasn't standard issue. While a lot of villa graduates bought their own weapons and armour few could afford anything as impressive as what she was wearing. While all decisions concerning Trish's career had always been left up to the civilian, there was no denying Nikki had benefited greatly from her girlfriend's ongoing employment by Kassa Fabrication. Despite being light armour, the colossus had better shields and damage protection than even the most advanced models of heavy armour that Aldrin Labs supplied the Alliance with. Of course she could have had even more protection if she went for a medium or heavyweight version but the lightness meant she could stock up on an abundance of weapons and extra kit and still march all day without feeling over encumbered. It had become a running joke of Anderson's that she had a gun for every occasion.

"The mission's yours now Shepard." The man in question stated as Nihlus exited the ship alone at drop point one. She nodded, physically and mentally prepared as much as humanly possible for the mission ahead. Which admittedly was nowhere near as prepared as normal considering there was absolutely zero intel to plan with. Still, while she preferred to have a solid plan with multiple contingencies ready to deal with as many variables as possible, she had more than enough experience of just winging it on missions as well. She just couldn't help herself as Joker brought the ship in to hover over the second LZ though, a hand going to Anderson's shoulder as she leant in to shout above the noise:

"Hey, Sir! That looks like a perfect spot for a mako drop!" The captain shook his head with a wry smile as he yelled back:

"Get out before I throw you out." The short jump down to the ground was more than enough to become fully professional once more, the team kneeling down in a tactical formation and sweeping the surroundings to check for hostiles as the ship lifted off from their position. Jenkins' earlier lust for 'some real action' fading when faced with the prospect of finding it on his home planet.

They were several klicks out from the dig sight and moved out at a steady pace with the corporal on point, sticking close to cover and taking extra care rounding corners but it didn't do any good. The adrenaline that had been flowing through her veins in anticipation spiked when Jenkins suddenly went down with no warning, the quick pulses of light and his death scream the first signs of the two drones that had appeared seemingly out of nowhere. In the background her brain made note of the fact their presence hadn't appeared on her HUD, that they were like nothing she'd ever seen before and seemed to utilise some kind of pulse weapon technology. None of that got in the way of her main focus however, laying down fire with her assault rifle until they disintegrated into multiple little non-hostile pieces. She ceased firing but remained crouched and alert for what seemed like eternity to Alenko before she signaled the all clear and he rushed to Jenkins' side. It was obvious even before he reached the marine that he was too late. He looked up to find Shepard had moved to a new position but was still scanning their surroundings, covering him as he closed the eyes of his fallen comrade.

"Ripped right through his shields. He didn't stand a chance." The commander nodded an acknowledgment of his words, having already made the same assessment. She'd mourn later but right now she was still on mission so she compartmentalized, it was yet another skill she'd had plenty of practice at.

"Mark the navpoint, we'll come back for him later. Right now we need to focus on getting that beacon."

...

They'd destroyed several more of the drones and were nearing their target location when they finally heard signs of life and resistance, the familiar staccato of a standard issue kessler pistol. They crested the hill in time to see a soldier clad in white and pink phoenix armour destroy one of the drones then keep running, pulling herself behind the cover of a rock formation as she gasped for breath, being followed by something new. Shepard quickly switched weapons to her sniper rifle, dropping prone and aiming center mass while the biotic started hurrying down the hill to assist the unknown woman. The commander's first shot knocked one of the robots over, a hole ripped clean through it's chassis but it remained functional, trying to claw itself back to its feet. With no knowledge of the bipedal machine's... _is it still anatomy if it's not organic? Whatever..._ Shepard didn't want to risk overheating her rifle while failing to discern its weak spot so she switched aim to the second synthetic, disabling it with a similar shot so the others would be able to rain hell upon both targets without having to worry about incoming fire. She added a few more shots of her own and once both hostiles were thoroughly incapacitated she made her way down the hill to rejoin the others, seamlessly switching back to her assault rifle on the move. She saw the other woman's eyes widen slightly at the N7 on her armour, stiffening to attention but thankfully not issuing a sniper check salute in the middle of a combat zone.

"Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. You the one in charge here ma'am?" She nodded an affirmative, catching Kaiden's signal that the chief was free of serious wounds out the corner of her eye and signaling him to keep watch as she pulled the other woman down behind the rocks to continue their conversation in comparative safety.

"Commander Shepard. What's the situation Williams?"

"We were patrolling the perimeter when the attack hit. We tried to double back to the beacon but were caught in an ambush. I've been fighting for my life ever since."

"So far we've only seen the drones and those two, have you seen anything else? Any organics with them?" The chief shook her head.

"No ma'am, I think... I think they might be geth." That was a surprise, although thinking about it she supposed she could kind of see the quarianiness of the bipeds' design. For a brief moment she regretted not paying better attention in history at school, but she quickly dismissed the thought when she realised it was highly unlikely Mrs Lewis covered where to shoot a geth to ensure maximum damage in her classes anyway. Her Alliance instructors had also failed to impart such potentially useful information, it probably had something to do with the fact that:

"The geth haven't been seen outside the Perseus Veil in over two centuries." As Kaiden reliably informed her.

"Doesn't matter, they're here now. Let's concentrate on stopping them taking the beacon. Williams I could use a third, you game?" The chief nodded and they set out once more, all desperately pretending they couldn't see the spikes the geth had used to impale the colonists in what they assumed must be some kind of sick psychological warfare.

...

The dig site had been empty, the spikes turned out to have a far more horrifying purpose than simply twisted decoration and the handful of survivors pointed them in the direction of the spaceport. Which was how they ended up looking down at a set of phantom armour lying in a puddle of blue blood.

"Well... shit..." Was all Shepard could think to say as she noted the single gunshot to the head from close quarters. The wound was wrong for a sniper rifle and there was no way a geth could have got that close to the spectre without being detected. Her suspicions were validated a moment later by a nearby dockworker who only narrowly managed to avoid being shot by the marines as he revealed himself and claimed another turian, Saren, was responsible for the murder. Shepard knew the name of course. At times it felt like half the turians she'd met in Blackwatch seemed to revere him and want to be just like him. The way they told it he was like the ultimate blend of Rambo, Batman, Riddick and the Terminator, although they claimed not to understand any of the humans' cultural references.

She marked the dead spectre's position on her nav and updated Anderson on the situation before forging ahead once more. The giant squid / claw ship raising to the air made her worry that they were too late but the fact there were still geth opposition present made her feel there was something they were still protecting, something worth pushing forwards for. She found that something on the other end of the train tracks. Something she hadn't seen since her villa training days and she swore out loud once again. Nuclear warheads attached to an explosive charge, each one enough to blow up an entire city block and on a timer. Completely illegal in Council space of course, for some unknown reason they always seemed to be sold in pairs and had a nasty penchant for blowing up early if any attempt was made to scan, hack or overload them, leaving the good old fashioned screwdriver and pliers as the only way of disarming them. Unless you knew the correct 24 digit override code and were confident you'd get it right first try. You _**wouldn't**_ get a second. Saren had been kind enough to leave her four of them, along with multiple geth platforms including a sniper and a couple with heavy weapons. _And I didn't even get him a card._ It was a miracle the three of them were still standing at the end of it and needless to say the commander's sweat wasn't just from the running around.

She was operating on fumes by the time she found the beacon, but she didn't let that prevent her from searching the rest of the docks before radioing the Normandy that the objective was secure. Green light suddenly appeared and she turned to find the Lieutenant being dragged towards the beacon. She didn't know what was happening, didn't waste time trying to figure it out or what she was doing. All she knew was she'd lost enough people today and she sure as hell wasn't losing anybody else as she ran towards him and jumped, intending to use her momentum to push him out the way. It half worked. Kaiden went sprawling away onto the deck but now she was caught in the beam, pulled closer and closer, her head reeling in agony as if her skull was being crushed together in a vice and being ripped apart by a claw hammer at the same time. Visions streaming through her head on fast-forward. Technically she was still conscious, but she was completely unaware of the beacon exploding, launching her across the air and landing heavily on the ground a short distance away were she finally, mercifully, passed out.

...

 **Author's note:** And here it is at last, over 40 chapters later and I finally make it to the first game's prologue! Thanks to everybody who has read, followed, fav-ed and especially reviewed so far, it really does encourage writers to keep going when we know people are enjoying our work.

Just in case anybody wanted some clarification about Shepard's class in this, I'm cheating slightly and going with the Andromeda power system where you can put points into anything regardless of specialty. She is not, and never will be, a biotic but she is trained to reasonable proficiency in all weapon types including offensive and defensive use of an omni-tool. (Top 5 in her class for pretty much everything but the only thing she was actually no.1 at was the driving courses and possibly bomb disposal. Yeah there are better Alliance snipers out there, better close quarter specialists and people better with electronics, but they all tend to have a significant weakness in some other area. She's the best all rounder). Also it really bugged me how they even have a line of dialogue in the game from Ashley saying 'every marine a rifleman, every rifleman zee-gee certified' and then proceeded to make the badass N7 unable to use an assault rifle if you chose the wrong class. So yeah EVERY member of the alliance can use assault rifles including Kaiden (I know he can in ME3 but not ME1). Ashley uses BOTH sniper rifles and shotguns as well as her assault rifle and everybody else will use the weapons they're assigned in ME3. If a squadmate has an ability in an early game and then loses it in a later game then they get to keep it if necessary for the purpose of this story. As for equipment and talents, Nikki's been an N7 for years, she has plenty of both. Think of it like playing New Game+ except so long after your original playthrough that you can't remember what's going to happen next, but you've got a vague premonition it's about to go to shit.

Oh yeah, the bit were Shepard is talking to Anderson about boots and numbers, she is actually quoting from a poem called Boots by Rudyard Kipling, which is played on repeat during several different countries military SERE training. It is vaguely mentioned in the N1 training chapter that she was nearly driven mad by it and as a fellow N7 Anderson also suffered through it. They're basically just pissing about and threatening to torture each other (in a good way. Like friends do). If you ever have any questions just ask and I'll do my best to answer them. (Not the one about 'where do babies come from?' though... Everyone knows it's test tubes.)


	44. Chapter 44

"Doctor? Doctor Chakwas! I think she's waking up." Nikki was already regretting the action under discussion, her head throbbing from the moment she regained consciousness. At least the voice let her know where she was and she slowly and cautiously sat up, swinging her legs to the side of the bed, as the familiar sight of a medical officer's uniform came into view.

"You had us worried there Shepard. How are you feeling?"

"Ever hear that phrase: ten pounds of shit stuffed into a five pound bag? I got the hangover from hell and I don't remember drinking." There was a chuckle, though she wasn't sure who's it was. "How long was I out?"

"About fifteen hours. Something happened down there with the beacon, I think."

"It's my fault. I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way." Her brain finally ID'd Lieutenant Alenko and she risked turning her head to look over her shoulder and answer him.

"Not your fault, you had no way to know what would happen. Although maybe it's time the Alliance considered making 'stay away from strange glowing objects unless you've been trained in them' a standard operating procedure."

"Actually, we don't even know if that's what set it off. Unfortunately we'll never get the chance to find out." The doctor put in, always one to resort to facts. Shepard's feeling of being out the loop must have shown on her face because the lieutenant gave a brief update on events since she passed out. Nikki barely had time to thank him for carrying her back to the ship when Chakwas interrupted once more.

"Kaiden, can you go let the captain know she's awake please." THAT certainly caught her attention and she gingerly twisted her head back round to fully focus on the doc as the lieutenant left the room.

"Getting rid of the subordinates when there's a perfectly good comms unit on the ship? How bad are we talking doc?"

"Physically you're fine, but I detected some unusual brain activity, abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement, signs typically associated with intense dreaming..." She trailed off and Shepard suddenly realised where she was heading. _Ah, right._ She gave a non-committal grunt.

"I saw... I'm not sure what I saw... It wasn't one of mine though doc. I always know what's happening in mine, recognise what I'm facing, even if I can't stop it. This? I couldn't identify any of it. I mean sure there was a pretty strong sense of death and destruction but beyond that..."

"Hmm, I better add this to my report. It may- Oh, Captain Anderson." They both turned at the quiet swish of the door opening.

"How's our XO holding up?" He was probably asking the doctor but Nikki answered anyway.

"I'll live... Assuming Trish doesn't kill me if she finds out."

"Don't you mean when?"

"Shh, let me have a couple minutes of denial please Sir." Doctor Chakwas hid a smile as she recognised their familiar little routine. It was certainly better than the last time she had the two N7s together in her med bay; Shepard berating the 'stubborn bastard', telling him if he didn't want to see the doc he should have made sure he could walk back to the ship on his own instead of her having to carry him. The elder's instructions to drop him off: " _in the mess, or the showers, or anywhere else, I'm fine"_ being rebuffed with a: " _sorry Sir, I'm choosing to ignore that order on account of you being delirious from blood loss_." While she would be quite content to not have to see either of them in a professional capacity, the doctor had to admit that (wisecracks aside) the youngster tended to be the more cooperative patient of the two. While everybody left in the room technically had _**some**_ medical training, the captain still looked across at Karin for a second more qualified opinion.

"All the readings look normal. I'd say the commander's going to be fine."

"Glad to hear it. Can I speak with her in private?" The doctor nodded and headed out to get a cup of tea in the mess, the tone in the room changing as soon as she left.

"Did you manage to retrieve Jenkins?"

"Yes. Nihlus too. I've informed next of kin and taken care of the paperwork." Shepard nodded, unsure whether she was grateful or not. Letters of condolence were one of the hardest parts of her job, but then again she deserved the penance for failing to bring everyone home in the first place. She sighed, massaging her head on the sides.

"I never should have stuck him on point." Anderson's voice instantly hardened as he cut off her pity party:

"That's bull, it wasn't your fault and you know it. Jenkins was a trained recon specialist, he had local knowledge and the mission was time sensitive. Point was exactly where he should have been. I've read Alenko's report, I'd have done the same damn thing." Nikki perked up a bit at that before frowning as she noticed the wording.

"Read? I would have thought you'd have watched back the helmet cam footage as well by now?"

"Nothing but static. I don't know if it was some kind of geth jamming technology or it was electronically wiped when the beacon overloaded... I've got a couple tech's looking at it to see if we can recover anything but so far zilch. I won't lie to you Shepard. Things look bad. Nihlus is dead, the beacon was destroyed and geth are invading. The Council's going to want answers."

"And if we give them the truth then we're accusing their top agent of going rogue without proof." The commander quickly cottoned on. "Shit, Council's not going to like this. Neither will the Hierarchy. Hell half of Blackwatch would be willing to duel for Saren's honour, he's a living legend to them."

"Exactly. I know he's had it out for humanity since First Contact and I'd be the first to condemn a lot of his tactics, but an overt attack on a colony? Allying himself with the geth? That's extreme behaviour even for him. It just doesn't make sense. All I know is it had something to do with that beacon. You were there just before it self-destructed. Did you see anything? Any clue that might tell us what Saren was after?" Shepard glanced at the floor.

"Just before I lost consciousness, I had some kind of... Shit, I really wish I could think of a better word for it but... vision." She looked back up to find Anderson pacing in thought.

"A vision? A vision of what?"

"Not sure. It was about as clear as that distress call we picked up in orbit, but I think I saw synthetics slaughtering organics. Butchering them."

"Synthetics? The geth?" Shepard merely shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe, but they weren't like the platforms we faced on Eden Prime. I didn't recognise the organics they were fighting either. Four eyes, but not batarians. The head shape was all wrong to be them."

"We need to report this to the council Shepard."

"And tell them what exactly? I had a bad dream? You know how they'll interpret that!"

"Sorry Shepard, I already contacted the ambassador to try and get us an audience with the council based on the rest of the team's mission reports. We don't know what information was stored on that beacon. Lost prothean technology? Blueprints for some ancient weapon of mass destruction? Whatever it was Saren took it. He has the secrets from the beacon and an army of geth at his command. We've got to warn them." Nikki nodded resignedly. "The ambassador will want to see us as soon as we reach the Citadel. Full dress blues Commander."

...

Their journey from the docks to the Ambassador's office was largely conducted in silence. For some reason the captain had insisted the entire ground team be present and Chief Williams was feeling rather out of place. Not just because she was in the heart of alien _(galactic)_ civilization. There was also the fact that she was the only enlisted marine present, walking beside three officers, two of them N7s, one of them a living legend and the other a rising star and potential spectre candidate. If all that wasn't enough then there was the fact that everybody else was wearing dress blues and she was in standard uniform. Sure she had a good excuse, there wasn't time to collect her belongings during their departure from Eden Prime, but it still left her feeling substandard to the soldiers around her. Eventually they entered the last elevator on their route, she found it strange that Citadel elevators broadcast the news, although the current report wasn't particularly interesting and she ended up zoning it out pretty easily as they went up and up and up. She was brought back to the present by the captain finally speaking.

"How's your head Shepard?"

"Manageable, thank you Sir."

"Really? Only I heard you tried to convince Chakwas to confine you to medbay for a further twelve hours." There was a self deprecating chuckle from the commander.

"She saw right through that one Sir. Told me I wasn't getting out of dealing with the politicos that easily and she'd either confine me for two weeks or not at all."

"I'm not sure whether I should be more upset that you-" He cut off suddenly without warning and in the elevator's reflection Ashley saw both N7s eyes flick towards the ceiling. "I swear we never had this much trouble with the press during First Contact."

"So much for the 24 hour embargo after notifying next of kin." Shepard remarked bitterly. It was only then that Ash realised the news had switched to a report on Eden Prime and how the geth had wiped out the Alliance's planetary defense force. The commander turned to face her.

"Williams, I don't know what you were doing while I was out cold but if you've not told your family you're ok yet I suggest you do it. They hear that they're going to worry themselves an ulcer."

{The colony itself was saved by a rapid response team from the SSV Normandy who was in the area on a shakedown run, although even they were unable to escape without casualties} There was a quiet but vehement curse.

"You too Alenko." The only person who didn't pull up their omni-tool was Anderson, however the doors opened before Ashley could think what to write and they marched out, Shepard the only one who actually sent anything in time. Mainly because she already knew what to type: [5x5 - N] It was short but she knew Trish would understand, both the message and its brevity. She also knew she'd have to send a better message later, but it would be enough to stop her partner worrying.

...

"Well that was a waste of time." The commander opined as they reentered the elevator after the meeting, Captain Anderson having already left with the ambassador.

"At least they're conducting an investigation, that has to mean something right?" Kaiden enquired optimistically.

"Yeah right, that's the worst attempt at a token gesture I've seen in years. Two days to conduct an investigation on the actions of a spectre? I bet even what he had for breakfast is classified. No, the whole thing's a farce and we get front row seats." The lieutenant looked like he was going to protest but Ashley silently agreed. She didn't say anything though, still wary of drawing too much attention to herself for fear of the officers realising she didn't just have the surname Williams but actually was **A** _'Williams'_ too. She couldn't help but speak up when they left the elevator though. It may be her first time on the Citadel but even so she'd already noticed a few details.

"Uh, ma'am? Where are we going? The Council tower's that way."

"I have often been informed that I'm a one woman army Chief, and an army marches on its stomach. It also happens that I know where to find a salarian with a deep fat fryer who does things even the Scots never thought of." Ash was too shocked at the audacity of the first statement to even worry about the idea of an alien making her food. She'd think the woman conceited if she hadn't already seen the N7 in action. She shared a glance with Lieutenant Alenko, the man shrugging, equally bemused. The commander just laughed. "Relax, we've got a few more hours before the hearing, I'll make sure we're not late."

...

Turns out not even N7s were infallible. The hearing was already underway by the time they finished climbing all the stairs, although that might have been slightly due to Shepard stopping to talk to the turian in charge of the C-Sec investigation. She was however spot on with her prediction of the result, the Council dismissing their claims with ease. Shepard seemed far more irritated when Udina tried to blame Anderson for the case being thrown out than when he'd been accusing her of screwing up her spectre candidacy, but they finally managed to bring the conversation round to what they were going to do next. One thing led to another and now, somehow, they were crouched behind a wall outside Chora's Den, under fire from a couple of would-be turian assassins.

Kaiden activated his biotic barrier as soon as the shooting started, they hadn't been allowed weapons or armour on the Presidium and hadn't even thought to suit up when hitting the Wards. Of course as a biotic he was never entirely helpless but he was all too aware that the two women he was with were defenseless. He glanced to his right to check that they were both alright and in cover and saw the commander crouched with her back to the wall, fiddling with her omni-tool. She was suddenly covered by an orange light that shaped around her, not form fittingly so but bulky looking, reminding him of football shoulder-pad armour back home. It was like nothing he'd ever seen before and as she raised up slightly to send an overload towards their adversaries he hastily amended his earlier thought: _the_ _ **Gunnery Chief**_ _was defenseless._

"Williams stay down and keep an eye on our rear, let us know if anything comes up behind us. Alenko start wearing their shields down with overloads. How good's your stasis?"

"Not great ma'am." He admitted guessing her plan. "I certainly couldn't hold both of them and only hold one for a couple of seconds. I could throw one and lift the other? I can hold a lift for about twenty/thirty seconds."

"Which is it Lieutenant? Twenty or thirty?" She asked sending out another tech attack with her omni-tool before crawling prone across the floor towards the right so the enemy couldn't see her movements.

"Consistently twenty-six." He didn't make out the words of her grunted response but another quick glance was enough to see her raise to a crouch, still carefully staying below the wall as she assumed the stance of a sprinter in the starting blocks.

"Whenever you're ready Alenko." He launched a throw powerful enough to knock his opponent against the wall, but making sure he had enough energy in reserve to hold the lift as Shepard sprinted towards the enemy position. The first turian was already dragging himself to his feet as she charged into him, omni-blade flashing as the momentum crashed them both back to the floor. The second was struggling against the dark energy surrounding him, the difference between a stasis and lift highlighted as he managed to flail enough to point his shotgun in the right direction.

"Commander!" The biotic's warning came too late, the first shot stopped by the strange orange protection she wore, the second significantly slowed but able to penetrate to the unarmored body beneath, the third, fourth and fifth plowed into the now defenseless body of the turian that the N7 rolled between her and the incoming fire. There was no sixth shot as the weapon overheated and Shepard reached round to unholster her former adversary's pistol, firing up into the floating figure. She stopped as soon as it was dead and Kaiden dropped the remains to the floor. He just had enough presence of mind to check for any further targets before hurrying over to assess the damage to his leader, by the time he got there she had already activated comms.

"Anderson, watch yourself, we just got hit... Unknown, two turians, barefaced. They were well armed but shit discipline, if they'd just held fire another 30 seconds we wouldn't have had cover to get too... Well I've got me some guns now, but I certainly wouldn't mind my armour... Aye, aye Sir, you too. Shepard out." As soon as the call ended she handed out the deceased's weapons to her squad. Giving both of them assault rifles, Ashley one of the shotguns and Kaiden a pistol, keeping the other shotgun and pistol for herself. They weren't as nice as her own armory but they were clearly much higher quality weapons than the other two marines were used to. Ash certainly perked up once she had a gun in her hands, while she could still be killed it was nice to now have a way to fight back. Thinking about their still lacking defense reminded the biotic of the strange light and he just had to ask about it.

"Prototype technology. Still very hush hush." Came the response. "I was supposed to be field-testing it in conjunction with my armour but when the shooting started I thought: hey what's the worst that can happen?"

"How does it work?" He couldn't help asking. As soon as the words left his mouth he remembered himself and expected to receive some kind of reprimand about it being classified, but instead the commander simply looked bemused.

"Uh... I press some buttons?" Kaiden looked flabbergasted at the idea she didn't know what she was playing with while Ashley laughed. "Come on, let's find Harkin."

...

Harkin pointed them in the direction of Dr Michel's med clinic and after a brief pit stop to armour up they were on their way. They walked in to find a decidedly testy situation: five armed humans threatening the doctor to stay quiet while the C-Sec officer crept along a small divide. Their entry immediately made things worse, one of the men pulling the doctor and turning her into a human shield, the turian popped up in a flanking position, putting a clean shot through the hostage taker's head and from there it was a much simpler shoot out. It didn't take long for all the opposition to hit the floor, although one of them was screaming far too loudly to be dead. Shepard conducted a brief Q&A session with Garrus, the doctor and the injured man all involved in giving answers before the turian offered his services against Saren explaining:

"He's a traitor to my species and needs to be stopped."

"Well, well and there was me thinking you were a bad turian the way you ignored the order to stop investigating." Shepard grinned and it only grew when he tried protesting. "Relax Garrus, I know plenty of 'bad turians', Blackwatch is filled with them. Good people. In fact with that headshot earlier I'm surprised you're not with them." She noticed how he straightened slightly, standing taller at the compliment of his skill. Looking around, she also saw how Kaiden seemed to be fading slightly from having to push his biotics so hard earlier and made a decision.

"Alright, Alenko stay here and guard our little songbird. I'll talk to Anderson, get him to send a couple of marines down to escort him to the brig incase we need his testimony later. No offense to C-Sec Officer Vakarian, but my last witness on this case mysteriously vanished." To his credit the turian didn't protest, simply nodding silently. Her omni-tool interrupted any further orders and she muttered a brief: "Speak of the devil," before answering.

"Shepard, I've been speaking with our old friend Barla, turns out Saren's managed to piss off the Broker and one of his agent's has been helping him. Nightclub owner, name of Fist."

"Yeah I just found out about Fist myself, was about to head over."

"Be quick about it. The Broker's sending a krogan bounty hunter to take him out. Urdnot Wrex, red armour, clawed face, can't miss him. He's being questioned by C-Sec at the moment so you can get a head start but that situation won't last long." Shepard was sure she recognised the name from somewhere but she didn't dwell on it, signaling for Williams and Vakarian to follow her as she started heading back to Chora's Den even as she continued talking with Anderson.

...

Their second visit was vastly different from their first. The club's loud, pumping music and sensuous dancing was replaced with the pumping of shotguns and a dance of death. At least the civilians had all cleared out, it would have been a massacre if they'd been caught in the crossfire. Eventually they reached Fist himself, the hardman crumbling as soon as his twin assault turrets fizzled out under a barrage of overloads. He not only surrendered but confessed everything with minimal prodding.

"You bastard. Where's the meeting?" Shepard fumed when she heard he'd sent the young quarian into a trap. His answer wasn't good enough for her and she pointed her pistol at him threateningly. "The markets are pretty fucking big Fist, give me the navpoint." He complied and she lowered her weapon.

"Let's go!" Before she could turn a shotgun blast rang out, smattering Fist against the wall. The squad instantly spun, two assault rifles and a pistol coming to rest on the krogan standing nonchalantly by the door. _Wrex._ Shepard made a mental note to train her new squad to always have one person turn around and watch their six when she was talking to someone. She'd gotten so used to it being automatic behaviour with her old team that she'd forgotten to issue the order, she had to remember these guys were new to her command and not make assumptions.

"What? I waited until you got your information." The krogan rumbled, noting casually that while the two with assault rifles were aiming rather pointlessly at centre mass, the human in the middle with the pistol was actually aiming somewhere that would hurt his species. She was also looking extremely pissed. He was willing to bet she was responsible for the dead krogan bouncer he'd passed on the way in. In fact considering the death toll outside he'd been rather surprised to find just two humans and a turian responsible for it all. It was rather impressive. He took a step away from the door to give them room to pass. "Don't you have a quarian to save? Tick, tock, tick, tock." She actually growled and he got the impression he'd done something to seriously offend her. Although whether it was an insult to her specie's culture or her personal morals he didn't know. Other than their fight against the turians he hadn't paid much attention to the latest squishies to emerge on the galactic scene a couple of decades back. However the flaming rage he expected to see in her eyes was tempered and controlled by a cool calculating professionalism and he was certain she was processing all available information she had on the situation (such as the fact he was here for a job and if she was it they wouldn't be talking) even though it only took a couple of seconds for her to raise her pistol. _Smart, signaling a lack of hostile intent but quicker to reaim on a krogan than if she'd lowered it like she did for Fist._

"Come on." She reiterated to her squad, pushing past him, the others followed her example albiet somewhat more nervously and he went to work collecting information. He was no hacker but sweeping up all the datapads he could see and pulling out any computer drives to hand over to his contact was normally enough to keep the Shadow Broker happy, if he/she/they wanted more finesse then he/she/they would have assigned him a tech head for the job. The sound of renewed gunfire caught his attention. _Fist's backup must have arrived, tough luck for him, they're a little late._ He finished what he was doing before heading back out, seeing the squishy's command of battle was even more impressive live than it had been when analysing the dead bodies on the way in. It was a joy to watch. However he liked a good fight and the human's actions had prevented him from getting the one he'd been expecting on the way in so he couldn't help joining in on this one. He charged into the fray with his shotgun singing and in the background he could hear rapidly changed orders as the human capitalized on his unexpected diversion.

"Wrex! Watch your Seven!" The yell came and he was momentarily confused by the human's remark. _What did numbers have to do with battle? He had a quad but that was something completely different, he couldn't think of anything he possessed seven of_. Her message became clear, even if the language did not, when he felt his armour take a hit from just left of behind. He spun with a roar to take care of the problem, only to see the human in question snuff it from an overdose of weapon's fire. The fight didn't last much longer. It had been fun though and Wrex didn't question it when he found himself jogging alongside the strange squad towards the navpoint of the quarian's meeting place. The human leader shot him a brief look but said nothing as they focused on making it to their objective in time.

They made it in the nick of time, the quarian throwing out a grenade and diving out the way of the assassin's attack as they rounded the corner and joined in the assault. For all their high-tech armour, the two salarians and solitary turian stood no chance against the onslaught, and it was soon time for introductions. Tali's information certainly sounded like something his employer would be interested in, however his orders had only been to take care of Fist. With how jumpy the quarian was after the setup and how protective the newly identified Commander Shepard was acting towards the kid he decided it was better not to attempt to acquire it. He would certainly be looking into his boss's files on this Shepard though.

...

A small army of C-Sec officers were waiting on the border between the Wards and the Presidium to enforce the no guns rule. The prohibition was fairly strict with the only exception being Spectres and members of C-Sec. Wrex was fairly certain there was a less official 'no krogan' rule as well but he wasn't willing to test it. There was no way he was letting the pyjaks at C-Sec touch his guns anyway so he decided to part ways with the strange group and hunt down his contact in a different ward. He smiled to himself as he heard Shepard state poker faced:

"Officer Vakarian, thank you for letting me borrow your pistol earlier. You best have it back now." While handing her own sidearm to the turian, to the whelp's credit he didn't falter in his acceptance. She relinquished the rest of her weapons easily enough, though kept her armour, stating that it was purely defensive not offensive in nature. It wasn't until the rag-tag unit were through security and headed towards the embassies that she casually added: "Of course anything can be weaponised if you throw it hard enough."

...

Udina hadn't been too impressed by her arrival in his office although he soon changed his tune when she revealed the incriminating evidence that Tali had recovered. The young quarian had been nervous at first but by the end of the meeting was volunteering her services in the fight against the geth. Shepard discreetly checked Anderson was ok with the idea before giving provisional permission depending on the ship's chief medical officer agreeing. While the quarian's technological skills and knowledge would undoubtedly be great assets, she wasn't willing to risk the kid's life if the doc didn't feel confident patching her up. The captain chuckled at her conditions.

"If I know Karin she'll jump at the challenge." The good doctor was certainly the most certified in the Alliance for alien physiology although he doubted even she had any official training on quarians. The turian also immediately offered to help hunt Saren and Anderson had to remind them all not to jump the gun. They still had to present the new evidence to the Council, listen to their verdict and obey their orders on the matter. Still if things went the way he expected, his protege was about to surpass him, and he couldn't be prouder of the younger N7.

...

The newly designated Spectre was heading back to her newly designated ship after the hearing turned ceremony when she spotted Wrex leaning against a pillar. Not that the giant krogan was easy to miss.

"Shepard. I'm coming too." Her eyebrow raised at his bold statement.

"Is that so?"

"You need me Shepard," _yeah like a fish needs a bicycle,_ she thought as he lay out his reasoning. However she had finally realised where she knew his name from. Several times over the years she'd engaged in intense research sessions on thresher maws, every recorded incident involving them, studying their moves, comparing different species tactics against them, seeing what worked and what didn't. Two maws working in tandem had wiped out 90% of an asari huntress cadre with several millennia of experience between them. Survival on the whole seemed to be down to luck, the preferred method of engagement an orbital bombardment. Even that wouldn't work if they retreated back under ground. The sole exception to the galaxy wide advice of 'stay the hell away' was the krogan. They actually organised hunting parties to go after the beasts, very, VERY large parties sure, but still. Then there were the stories about trial by combat: on foot, in small groups, against the wildlife of Tuchanka. These were not judicial proceedings however but held some kind of cultural significance for the krogan, although she was still somewhat unclear on the details. Little information came out from Tuchanka, and what did was mostly a resort of STG spies rather than volunteered by the krogan themselves. If she knew nothing else about thresher maws, this detail alone would be enough to convince her they were bad news: a krogan who got a maw for his trial didn't have to kill it in order to be victorious, he just had to survive for half an hour. In fact the last krogan to kill a maw on foot, from the outside, was one Urdnot Wrex. She longed to pick his knowledge of the beasts. "-and if nothing else I make a good bullet sponge." The warrior in question finished making his case to join her team.

"That's what shields and cover is for." She dismissed before sighing. As much as his exploits intrigued her on a personal level, she wasn't about to risk her crew by having a loose cannon on board. "Look I'm not questioning your fighting skills, I admit I'd be hard-pressed to find someone better, but I need to know you'll follow my orders. Not sometimes, not if you were going to do that anyway, but whenever I give an order you follow it. I'm not having you pull anymore stunts like you did with Fist."

"That wasn't a stunt, I killed him."

"Yeah, I kind of noticed. **After** he'd surrendered. I thought the biggest insult a krogan could give was to declare someone not worth killing?"

"It is but I had a contract on him. I always finish a job."

"Do you have any more ongoing contracts I need to be aware of?" The giant lizard shook his head and she stared him down appraisingly. "What about your work with the Shadow Broker? How do I know you're not just coming onboard to spy on my ship?" The krogan laughed.

"I'm sorry, but krogan spies! We're not exactly discreet." The commander didn't seem amused so he shrugged. "The Shadow Broker already knows everything he wants to about your ship. Would you like to see the blueprints?" The human's eyes narrowed as he brought up the relevant file on his omni-tool.

"Tell me why Wrex? Why do you want in on this?"

"I'm krogan, we love to fight, and I get the feeling this is going to be the best fight of the decade." She shook her head, that calculating look back in her eyes.

"Don't give me that stereotypical varen shit. I may never have met a krogan scientist but I've run into a couple of architects and engineers before. I know you're not all bloodthirsty mercs. What's the real reason?"

"Exactly that. My people were once proud warriors sure, but we were capable of so much more. All the galaxy sees when they think 'krogan' is mercenaries or bodyguards. Did you know there's not a single krogan in C-Sec? There's multiple hanar and elcor, even a few volus, hell you humans were only discovered a quarter century ago and you're already swarming their ranks. I wasn't lying when I said this fight's going to be big. Saren already has an army of krogan at his disposal. Those whelps aren't worth the title krogan but all the galaxy will see is us as the bad guys again. You've already got a turian and a quarian on your crew, let me have a chance to show my people on the right side of history for once. For all those weirdos who don't want to be warriors but get abused for wanting to use their brains just because they're krogan..." He faded out, not entirely sure where the speech was going. He had thought he'd given up caring for his people a long time ago but the words had come straight from the hearts. The human was still looking at him and he felt as if she was weighing up his entire being. She nodded once.

"Ok. But consider this your one and only warning. If you endanger my crew or disobey my orders I **will** drop you off on the nearest planet, regardless of whether or not it is considered habitable." He chuckled at the threat and yet didn't doubt her for a second. He nodded in agreement to her terms and she smiled, holding out a hand. He glanced bemusedly at it for a second before remembering the human custom and shaking it. "Welcome aboard Wrex."

...

 **Author's Note:** I know I made a few changes such as in the game tech armour isn't available until ME2, but by then it's widely available with Eclipse forces having access to it (possibly others as well, I can't remember) so as far as I'm concerned it's perfectly feasible for prototypes to be in circulation 2 years prior, especially with Nikki having 'connections' with cutting edge tech corporations. Yeah I know it's only available for sentinels and Nikki's not biotic, but I already explained I'm using the ME:A power system where she can potentially use any tech ability regardless of it's usual class restrictions. As for why, if anybody has ever played the Citadel DLC as a sentinel not only will you have realised tech armor CAN work over civilian clothes but it looks awesome too. As for not having weapons on the Presidium I just find it hard to imagine they let military personnel from varying species (particularly non-council ones) wander around fully armed among all those politicians. The risk of assassination or attempted coup is just too high. Yeah, they probably should have rearmed before heading down to Wards though, that was just stupid. Just like how stupid it is in the game that every time you get in an elevator in the middle of a mission your squad holsters their weapons. What if the doors open to reveal an ambush!?

Finally the biggest change: Wrex. I absolutely love Wrex as a companion in the game and assure you that he and Nikki will be becoming great friends. However it just doesn't make sense from a paragon point of view with the information you have at the time to let a bounty hunter, that works for the Shadow Broker, that you know next to nothing about, and who just gunned down a currently unarmed man who had just surrendered, access to your top secret Alliance vessel without question. The krogan themselves are also highly one dimensional in the trilogy compared to the diverse characters shown in Andromeda but the krogan like Kesh, Vorn and even Rorik are out there in the Milky Way somewhere at this point in the timeline. They may be hidden, scattered and looked down upon among the huge stereotype of krogan only being suitable as bouncers and warriors but they're out there somewhere.

Up next: Trish's response to her girlfriend's news.


	45. Chapter 45

"I hear congratulations are in order." Trish stated as she answered the call.

"Uh, what?" Nikki was temporarily thrown off balance, she'd been stuck in a purgatory of paperwork for what felt like eternity, and hadn't had time to call since before Eden Prime.

"My girlfriend, first human Spectre." The newly appointed spectre's face fell.

"Dammit, I was hoping to be the one to tell you that." She practically whined.

"Sorry Nikki, press beat you by a couple of hours. My work colleagues were asking if it's **my** Shepard in the news and of course **you** hadn't told me anything..." The older woman was teasing but clearly milking this for all it was worth. She had been at home when the five by five message reached her, she'd taken one look and gone back to getting dressed for work, safe in the knowledge that her partner was ok and blissfully unaware of whatever it was that the N7 had felt the need to reassure her about. It wasn't until she reached the office that she heard about the horrors of Eden Prime and could only imagine how much worse it would have been if she'd heard of the Normandy's involvement before she'd got Nikki's little note. She'd constantly checked her omni-tool during the lunch break in case Nikki tried to get in touch but there was nothing further from the soldier. The press on the other hand were much more communicative, reveling in such juicy gossip as the fact the attack was suspected to be the work of the geth. The first sighting of the sentient machines outside the Perseus Veil since the quarian exile. It wasn't until just before the end of the day that Matthias had called for her to come quick to the staff room and she'd joined the crowd around the TV screen to watch the historic moment happening on the Citadel. "Luckily there was video of the ceremony and I'd recognise that beautiful behind anywhere."

"Nice try love but my 'beautiful behind' was wearing armour."

"Did I say your ass? I meant your face."

"What, the back of my face?" They continued joking around for a bit before Nikki suddenly asked: "You're not upset are you?"

"What, that I found out from the press?"

"No, I meant the news not the messenger. I know you weren't exactly thrilled when my MOS got changed to spec ops, spectre's going to be even more dangerous, **and** there's unsociable hours." She added the last bit in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"I'm used to unsociable hours! Honestly Nick? I'm going to worry when I know you're out in the field regardless of what your official rank or role is, but I'm proud of you. I was proud when you made N7, hell I was proud when you made Sergeant! It's no big deal. Well... I mean **obviously** it's a big deal; being spectre, first for humanity and all that, but as far as 'us' is concerned? Nothing's changed."

"Well I don't know about that... there's no-one outranking me on the ship to tell me to stop using up the bandwidth and get back to work anymore." Trish laughed.

"Will you look at that, not even a full day in the job and already taking advantage. They always said power corrupts."

"Good job I've got you to keep me honest then."

"Pfft, we can but hope. Just promise you'll still be careful."

"I promise. Anyway enough about me, what've you been up to?"

"Nothing historic or newsworthy I'm afraid."

"Terrible, letting the side down again." The N7 teased and they shared a chuckle.

"Some of it _is_ slightly classified if that helps salvage your opinion of me."

"Hmm, maybe... How slight is slightly?"

"I definitely shouldn't tell you about it and if I did you probably wouldn't understand what I was talking about anyway."

"Ah come on babe, I _**never**_ understand what you're talking about when you discuss your work. I just like hearing the passion in your voice when you're babbling away in tech speak. Then again, you could read the phonebook and I'd happily listen to your voice." The civilian scoffed.

"Which vid did you steal that line from? We don't even have phonebooks anymore."

"Meh, fine. The phonetic alphabet then."

"Really? Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta. Echo, Foxtro-"

" **Wait!** I just remembered... I got some feedback for you about Project Delta. It can withstand one and a half shotgun bursts at practically point blank range."

"One and a half?" Trish repeated with a shake of the head. You didn't need an IQ as high as hers to do the math. "And which bit of being hit in close quarters by at least half a shotgun blast constitutes you being five by five?"

"Hey! In my defense that didn't happen until several hours _**after**_ I sent the message." Trish sighed resignedly.

"Fine. Send me the suit data, I'll make sure Mathias's team gets it."

"Ah, about that... I wasn't wearing my armour at the time..."

"You WHAT!?" Trish exploded. "What the fuck happened to you being careful?"

"Come on, I was on the Citadel! I wasn't expecting to be the target of assassins."

"Assas-... Nick, stop talking! Seriously, just shut up, right now please." Thankfully the soldier obeyed and Trish took several deep breaths to calm herself before speaking again. "So obviously you're still alive. Are you actually alright? You're not too badly wounded are you?" The other end of the line was quiet but it wasn't the ominous silence of her partner trying to decide how much to tell her. No. Even without video Trish could picture the slight twitch of movement at the corner of her N-baby's mouth. "Oh for... **You bloody great child!** You're allowed to speak when I ask a question you know!" Shepard stopped trying to repress her smirk.

"Of course I'm alright."

"Oh, _of course_ you're alright. It was **only** assassins. Plural, I note. Who needs armour when facing assassins?"

"Babe, you're overreacting."

" **I'll** decide the appropriate level of reaction thank you!"

"Seriously, they weren't even very good. I should probably be offended that Saren thought they had any chance of stopping me."

"Ah, disappointed in the level of service are we? And on a scale of one to dead how would you rate your assassination attempt today?" Nikki couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her throat.

"Hmm, I reckon about a two. Poor execution, only a minor flesh wound, nearly cleared up already, not even gonna scar."

"Hmph." Trish clearly wasn't impressed but at least the worst of her anger had burnt away. "And how would you rate your medical care afterwards?"

"Excellent. My lieutenant helped patch me up as soon as the area was secured and I was in a med clinic less than half an hour later." All technically true. The fact that she hadn't actually received any first aid while in Dr Michel's clinic, just more gunfire, was completely beside the point. Trish didn't need to know that. "Doc Chakwas gave me a full check up when I got back to the ship and she says I'll be fit for being shot at again by tomorrow. Although she suggested I try to wear armour next time."

"You bloody well better." Nikki had no witty retort to that. "So... I take it it's true then? What they're saying on the news?"

"I don't know babe, you're gonna have to be a bit more specific. What are they saying?"

"That you're going after Saren. That he was behind the attack on Eden Prime and he's been stripped of his spectre status."

"Hmm, you know I can't _confirm,_ or deny, those sorts of rumours." She replied with enough inflection to do just that.

"Sounds like trying to find a needle in a haystack to me."

"More like looking for hay in a needle stack... If it were true. Which I can't-"

"Confirm or deny, yeah I know. Just promise you'll be careful. _Whatever_ it is you may be up to."

"I'll do my best."

...

The vision from the beacon didn't make any more sense after a repeat viewing, Shepard decided as she woke in her new room. It felt strange having a whole room to herself, space was at a premium on Alliance ships, frigates even more so, and while it had been years since she'd had to hotbunk, she'd always had to share a room with at least one other officer, sometimes more. A brief glance towards the clock revealed they were still in the middle of the night shift and she had another three hours until her alarm was due to go off to start her day. While she'd never had to deal with beacon induced visions before, she had more than enough experience with traditional nightmares to know better than to stay in bed. So, she dragged herself to her feet, threw on her PT kit and headed to the ship's small gym.

She hadn't really expected anyone else to be working out at such an insane time but she had to admit she wasn't entirely surprised to find Chief Williams in there hitting the heavy bag. Nikki didn't interrupt as she conducted a quick warm up and stepped onto the treadmill. She hadn't been running long when the chief launched a final powerful roundhouse at the bag, making the whole thing shake, before picking up her hoody and water bottle and heading for the door.

"You know if the doc finds out I was here and let you leave without doing a proper cool down she'll probably flay me alive." Shepard called out and Ashley jumped in surprise.

"Argh! What the- Oh, sorry ma'am... didn't see you there." Nikki chuckled as she continued jogging. Not turning her head from its forward facing position.

"Clearly. Relax Williams you don't have to stand on ceremony in the gym. Or the mess. Or the head. You **do** however have to do a cool down after any gym sessions so Chakwas can't blame me for any preventable injuries you pick up." Ash warily made her way back over to the exercise area, she hadn't really considered what she was doing a workout, she had just needed to hit something... repeatedly... She wasn't about to tell her CO that however and she WAS breathing rather hard, so she found a mat and worked through some appropriate stretches. Shepard cast a quick glance at her subordinate, wondering if she should offer some type of comfort to the younger marine. However despite being one of the few people onboard who could truly understand what the 212 survivor was going through, she didn't really know what to say. She also had to admit that if an officer tried to get her to talk after Akuze she'd probably doubt their sincerity, maybe even think it was a trap to catch her out and kick her out the service. She certainly wouldn't have appreciated it. Then again she certainly hadn't been a shining example of the healthy way to handle trauma. Before she could make a decision Williams finished her routine and left the gym. Shepard sighed before focusing back on her own workout, letting her brain empty out before bringing it back round to bear on a plan for the day ahead.

...

 **Author's note:** Shorter chapter today but you didn't have to wait as long for it so swings and roundabouts as the saying goes. Plus it contains Trish goodness, something sorely missing from the past two chapters so I couldn't wait to post it. Also I finally passed the 100 follower mark so thanks to everybody who has showed their support, I hope you're all still enjoying.


	46. Chapter 46

Shepard had actually agreed with the Council's decision not to send a fleet into the Traverse. Space was a big place and without knowing exactly where and when Saren was planning to be it would have been far too easy for a single ship to slip past the patrols. It would be a pointless, expensive exercise that _could_ maybe, possibly, incite unrest among the heavily armed local populace.

However while she had plenty of practice pulling off objectives alone or with a small group that would have been impossible with a larger force, the more cynical part of her couldn't help think her current assignment was just another token gesture by the powers that be. Saren had been irrefutably proven guilty of the attack on Eden Prime and stripped of his spectre status but little things like no longer having authorization or the keys to the front door wouldn't stop someone with his sort of training and experience, it certainly wouldn't have stopped her.

Unfortunately his stated goals of 'finding the conduit and bringing back the reapers' were a little vague and the only lead the Council had deigned to give her was 'oh that's Beneziah's voice, she has a daughter, maybe she'll know more, she was last seen in the Artemius Tau cluster. You know that giant bit of space that's composed of four star systems and still largely unsurveyed. Off you pop, have fun.'

Or in other words: give the monkeys their spectre so they'll shut up, order said spectre to the middle of nowhere so she's out the way, congratulate yourselves for looking proactive and progressive while not doing very much at all. Oh and as an added bonus, if Saren DOES pull off any dastardly plans we can blame you because it was your job to stop him. It was a masterstroke really. Brilliant plan. They'd forgotten just one thing: Shepard was bloody stubborn and she was determined to get the job done.

Of course even with the mass relays and Faster than Light travel it would still take a long time to cross the galaxy and Nikki quickly fell into a routine to pass the travel time. She'd start her day with a shower before taking breakfast in the mess with the ship's Heads of Department, they'd discuss plans for the day and make her aware of anything she needed to be aware of. If a situation requiring her attention had been raised over breakfast then she'd head to the relevant department to try and sort it. If not she'd take a walk round the ship, getting to know her crew and giving the other ranks a chance to raise any concerns they may have, before submitting herself to a morning of trawling through any available info on Saren, the geth, the two T'Sonis and the planets in the Artemius Tau cluster. Desperately trying to narrow down their list of potential target sites before arrival.

She'd then take lunch with the ground team before they all headed down to the cargo bay to run through some drills. They started with Alliance hand signals and call signs, basic protocols, quickly progressing to special tactics, various squad layouts, target practice and advanced close quarter combat. That last utilized Garrus, Wrex and herself as dummies to show the best spots to hit and moves to use against their various species.

All the while she made mental notes of each individual's strengths and weaknesses, working on improving the defects she could and planning around the ones that couldn't be changed. While a good leader pushed people to be better than they thought themselves capable of, it was equally as important to know what their actual limitations were and not put them in a situation where they wouldn't be able to deliver. It was no N-school but Shepard pushed them hard every day until dinner, which she would eat with the team before checking back in with the Heads of Departments for a report on the day's events.

An hour or two later she was officially off duty, although she could be called back at a moment's notice. Her downtime was the only part of her day that didn't have a default setting. The best nights she'd get to vid call Trish but that wasn't always an option, sometimes they weren't close enough to a comm buoy to avoid horrendous lag or the civilian had other plans. If that were the case then she'd play skyllian five against whoever was willing to lose credits in the mess or go down and tinker with the fresh out the crate Mako in the cargo hold, talk mighty battles and thresher maws with Wrex or discuss geth and life on the quarian fleet with Tali.

Eventually she'd go to bed, waking up and hitting the gym with Ash until her alarm went off and she'd start her day with a shower. It certainly wasn't the daily routine of most ship Captain's but she'd always been a ground side officer rather than a ship side one and she'd been blessed enough to inherit a simply fantastic crew from Anderson who all knew their jobs, what needed to be done and how to do it, without any handholding or oversight on her behalf. Plus she had an amazing XO in Lieutenant Pressly who was much more suited to maintaining the smooth running of ship side operations than her, she was happy to delegate the job to him.

"Any moment now people are going to start the whole 'Are we there yet' routine." Nikki informed her girlfriend during one of their vid calls as the days began to drag.

"When you say 'people' are we talking about your crew or you?"

"Pfft, it's not like I can ask anyone, I'm supposed to be in charge." The spectre grumbled dejectedly and Trish got the impression that if Anderson were still in command, her partner would totally be the one responsible for the childish antics.

"Supposed to be?" Nikki waved her hand dismissively instead of answering. "You could probably get away with asking the pilot." She really wasn't sure why she was encouraging the N7.

"Nah, I'd rather not push the pilot to suicide. The Villa taught me to fly shuttles not mahoosive frigates."

"I remember the days you used to moan that frigates were tiny."

"Yeah that was in the days before I was expected to be able to get to the bridge from anywhere in the ship in three minutes flat." Trish felt an eyebrow rise involuntary, she knew Nick had to be available at all times but she wasn't convinced the regs were that stringent on the timeframe.

"And can you?"

"Not yet, I'm gonna keep practicing until I nail it though. Does the crew good to see me sprinting through the ship like a loony for no apparent reason at really random times."

"I'm sure." Trish deadpanned and they fell into a comfortable silence, mirroring each other despite the distance as they led on their respective beds, heads tilted to the side watching each other on their omni-tools.

"Trish... can I ask you something?" Nikki sounded almost hesitant as she broke the silence.

"Nope." The civilian smirked as she saw the pout on her girlfriend's face. "Oh, alright then. What?"

"How... I mean like... After Akuze, how did you know the right thing to say to me?" Trish frowned, _where is this coming from?_

"Uh, I didn't."

"Yeah but you did. You knocked my head back on straight."

"Ok, you and I have vastly different memories of that time. I remember months of never knowing what to say, or which Nikki I was going to come home to, and you stalking off whenever I tried to have a conversation. Honestly I don't know how much longer I could have held out if you didn't come round when you did, it was a nightmare."

"Sorry."

"You've apologised enough over the years, I forgave you long ago. Now what's all this about Nick? I might be able to give you a better answer if I know what you're looking for."

"I don't know, I just... There's someone on my ship... guess they remind me a bit of me back then is all. I want to help but I don't know how."

"All you can do is let them know the offer's there Nick. You can't help if they don't want it, trust me on that." Trish hesitated, if this person reminded Nikki of herself then she might not appreciate her next comment but she had to say something. "Are you sure they should be on active duty? If they're acting like you were six years ago-"

"Ah it's not that bad Trish. I don't want to ruin her career."

"I seem to remember a certain Sergeant worrying about her career getting wrecked if she so much as considered talking to a shrink, now look where you are."

"Yeah you were right that time. It's not the same though babe, there's preexisting prejudices in this case. Some people would use any excuse to keep her down just because of who her family is. Bloody stupid really, from her aptitude scores and what I saw on Eden Prime, she could be damn good if they just gave her the chance." Trish didn't look convinced. "Look, I'll get the doc to launch an intervention if I think it becomes necessary but don't worry, she's nowhere near as bad as I used to be. I'm probably just reading too much into it because our situations are similar. There aren't any obvious signs, I just worry she's not sleeping properly what with the way I keep running into her in the gym at night."

"You're having trouble sleeping again?" Trish asked immediately, all thoughts of the mystery woman forgotten.

"That's not what I said."

"No, you just said you're worried about your gym buddy. You wouldn't be unless these run-ins happened at a time when you **both** should be asleep."

"Of course you'd focus on **that** part." Shepard grumbled halfheartedly. Sometimes there were disadvantages to dating a genius. "I'm sleeping. Maybe not as much as most people, I seem to be waking up a little earlier than I need to but you don't need to worry, I get enough."

"Is it Akuze again?"

"No it's not Akuze. It's something... new." The hesitation sent Trish's brain into overdrive. While Akuze remained the biggest culprit it wasn't the only source of her girlfriend's occasional nightmares, 'new' however could only realistically mean one thing.

"Eden Prime?"

"Kind of. Not in the way you're probably thinking though. I'm sorry babe, I really can't talk about it much at the moment." Normally that was enough to get Trish to drop a subject, it was the nature of their jobs that they each had secrets and couldn't always tell each other about their day. She doubted she'd ever learn what happened during Operation Amadeus for example; a mission responsible for more than one nightmare but that Nikki had only ever told her was: 'so classified, even _**I**_ don't know what I was doing there'. However for some reason, before she could stop herself, Trish found herself inquiring:

"Is it something to do with that beacon?" There was a painful silence and the soldier stopped lounging, sitting up attentively on the other side of the call.

"What?"

"It was on TV, something about a prothean beacon found on Eden Prime, apparently it was damaged in the attack?" Trish couldn't help flinching slightly as her partner swore.

" **For** _ **fuck's**_ **sake!** Is there **any** classified information from that mission that the press hasn't told the whole damn galaxy about!?" The civilian knew the anger wasn't directed at her but she'd still rather dispel it as quickly as possible.

"Well... They didn't say what colour underwear you were wearing." There was an involuntary snort and Trish could see the amusement and irritation fighting for dominance in the N7's face before she dipped her head down in acquiescence.

"Sorry." Nick apologised for the outburst, knowing how much her girlfriend hated shouting.

"That's not a colour." Trish played dumb, eliciting a smirk.

"Like I'm supposed to remember! Whatever I was wearing it was nothing fancy I assure you babe. Last thing you need in the middle of combat is a wedgie."

...

Shepard's increasingly monotonous morning routine was finally broken the day they entered the Farinata system in the Hades Gamma cluster. Joker informed her of an incoming priority one call and she practically flew into the comm room to take it. Saluting smartly as Admiral Hackett's image filled the holo projector.

"At ease Commander. I know you're under Citadel jurisdiction now and don't have to answer to our chain of command any more but we've got a situation here and you're the nearest available Alliance ship-" Despite being tactically gifted and quick thinking under pressure Shepard was still capable of making the occasional oversight. As such it hadn't even occurred to her before this very instant that the fact spectres were considered above the law and answerable only to the Council meant she no longer had to obey the orders of her superiors in the Alliance. _Or should that be 'former superiors'?_ To be honest the idea was a little scary, even though she had been operating with greater independence than most officers for awhile now as a result of her N Forces work.

"Admiral I'll make you a deal," _wow Trish was right, power really has gone to my head. I would never_ _ **dream**_ _of interrupting her uncle before._ "You give me any Alliance intel on the geth the second you hear about it and I'll keep fulfilling any N level missions you've got as long as I'm somewhere kind of in the area and not fulfilling a direct lead on the Spectre case."

"Deal, thank you Shepard."

"No problem Sir, now what's the job?"

"A group of fanatical biotics kidnapped the chairman of the Parliament Subcommittee on Transhuman Studies. Their freighter sustained damage and is dead in space. Get in and take them down." _Down not out_ , she noted his wording. Over the years she'd gotten very good at interpreting orders not explicitly stated, this one likely meant the situation was highly political and would only worsen if they became martyrs. That didn't mean she wasn't allowed to kill them of course, just that she was to accept their surrender should they actually attempt to offer it. As opposed to 'taking them out' which meant: 'the Rules of Engagement clearly state we must accept any surrender offered, so make damn sure they don't get the chance to offer'.

"What are the biotics asking for?"

"They're L2s and most of them are suffering major side effect from the implants. The subcommittee recently denied a request for reparations to all L2 biotics. Apparently they'd like the chairman to reconsider." _Great, that means they're desperate, have nothing to lose_.

"Any idea on opposition?"

"No idea on numbers I'm afraid, but we've got a positive ID on the leader: Charles Eisenhardt. Ex-military, medical discharge, I'll send you his dossier. They were also seen loading equipment onto the freighter, expect traps and combat drones." A chime alerted her to an incoming message and she opened the attached files to find not only the promised dossier but also ship blueprints of the MSV Ontario, photos to help identify the hostage Chairman Burns and a set of coordinates. She started reading even as she continued listening and conversing with the Admiral.

"I'd appreciate it if you could have a ship standing by just outside the system so I can transfer Burns and any prisoners over quickly once I've secured the ship." She still had enough respect for Alliance command to NOT say out loud the comment floating around in her head about her ship not being a taxi service and Hackett readily accepted the request. The call ended not long after and she hunted Pressly down in the CIC to give him the co-ordinates. The navigator quickly worked out a route which was forwarded onto Joker while she passed the ETA on to the ground team with instructions to be ready twenty minutes before. Blueprints in hand she returned to her room to plan, there was just one more factor to consider and she activated comms while she walked.

"Lieutenant Alenko, meet me in my office."

...

"Stand easy Kaiden, this is one of them off the record talks and there are no right or wrong answers, I just want honest ones ok?"

"Yes ma'am." He nodded but only fractionally relaxed and Shepard had to bite back a sigh and an eye roll.

"Have you heard the results of the Parliamentary subcommittee's report concerning L2 reparations?" Whatever the lieutenant had expected the meeting to be about it clearly hadn't been that, his surprise was clearly visible on his face.

"Yes ma'am."

"And what did you think of it?"

"Ma'am?" This time Shepard didn't manage to contain her eye roll.

"I already told you this is informal and off the record Kaiden, please stop with all the ma'am nonsense. This isn't a test and the only way you can disappoint me is if you lie so I ask again: what do you think about the denial for reparations to L2s?"

"I'm a little disappointed ma'a- Commander. Not particularly surprised, but what can you do?"

"Kidnap the chairman of the subcommittee apparently." His jaw dropped as he was rendered speechless. "At least according to Charles Eisenhardt."

"And you think what exactly? That just because I'm an L2 I'm on their side?"

"No. I'm asking, not assuming and as far as I'm aware this isn't an Alliance wide witch hunt. I'm asking because I've been tasked with resolving the situation. We're en route to Eisenhardt's location as we speak."

"And you want to know if can be trusted?" He sighed. "I can empathize with their plight but I do **not** condone their actions Commander. Anyone who acts like a terrorist should be treated like a terrorist, regardless of what their cause is. I understand if you don't want to take the risk bringing me onboard."

"I'm not ordering you to sit this one out Kaiden, I trust you. I'm just giving you the option, Anderson gave me the same choice the first time I had to fight alongside batarians instead of against them." She observed him closely but other than curiosity at the mention of her past, she didn't see anything to worry about.

"I'm ready and able ma'am." He intoned, repeating her declaration to Anderson before Eden Prime.

"Alright then, we're taking the whole squad." Her voice which had been soft during the questioning hardened as she became fully professional, pointing at the blueprints. "Insert here and conduct a room by room sweep. If we have to split then me and Garrus are team one, you and Williams team two. Wrex and Tali will stay back as we clear rooms to maintain corridor security." He'd been nodding in agreement to her plan until that last bit.

"Do you really think Wrex will be content to stay back?"

"Consider it a test. He's on this boat under the provision that he can follow my orders, if he can't then he can stay behind when we leave. IF he runs off then you order Williams back to cover Tali, move up to pair with Garrus and I'll worry about keeping pace with the krogan. Any other questions?" He looked at the annotated plan, strangely feeling happier rather than worried knowing the commander had a contingency plan for rampaging krogan and shook his head. Everything else looked solid.

"Ok, let's go brief the others."

...

At first the mission went off without a hitch. If there was one thing her new team had plenty of practice at it was clearing rooms and corridors, that scenario being the easiest to simulate on a ship without a holo deck. Still there was a difference between training and real life and she was pleased that the squad maintained discipline as they moved silently through the ship, communicating through hand signals when needed.

Everything changed when they reached the cargo hold. The crates that should have provided them with cover were stacked in such a way that they had no choice but to be funneled along the wall away from the door, it was clearly a trap but there was no other choice but to spring it.

 _Well that's not entirely true, there's ALWAYS another way. We could double back to life support and shut off the ship's oxygen supply, but that would also kill the hostage,_ Shepard thought dismissively as she double checked her shield settings were on maximum and activated her prototype tech armour in preparation to round the corner and get shot. However rather than the expected gunfire, she was assaulted by a hail of biotic attacks as she emerged, running and gunning for the nearest available cover. She was just over a metre out when she was finally hit, a throw bowling her off her feet, a warp landing seconds after she hit the deck. Instead of immediately pulling herself to her feet, she rolled the remaining distance to the crate before standing.

The warp was doing _something_ to her tech armour that no doubt Trish's work colleagues would find fascinating, but all Shepard cared about was that it wasn't shredding her body apart right now as she focused on using her omni-tool to launch damping and sabotage attacks in the direction of the enemy. A grenade quickly followed, the fanatics clearly had no intention of surrendering so there was no point in prolonging the battle more than necessary, especially when it would give Eisenhardt time to record a lovely promo video and execute the chairman.

"Wrex! Come on in and have some fun." The krogan was more than happy to comply, ignoring such tactical considerations as cover as he charged straight for the enemy with his shotgun pumping.

A telltale blue glow gave the commander a split second warning before the cargo container she was behind began to lift. She quickly jumped and held onto the lip of the crate rather than be exposed to the full deadly force of combined biotics and gunfire from the definitely Alliance trained L2s. It was a quick, instinctive reaction that may well have saved her life but she still regretted it when she realised the crate was being thrown at Wrex. The ancient battlemaster simply raised a hand, activating his own biotics and Shepard breathed a sigh of relief as as the hurtling chunk of metal she was attached to stopped hurtling. Her relief was short lived however as the krogan made another gesture.

"Oh shi-..." The container ploughed into the terrorists and the N7 quickly dropped and rolled before the crate could crush her too, rising with her own shotgun spitting as she found herself in close quarters combat with the enemy, her tech armour chose that moment to finally fail. It had to happen eventually but she was not expecting the pulse of energy that swept out, knocking down the people nearest to her, surprise didn't stop her from taking advantage of the situation however, even as thoughts ran rampant through the back of her mind.

 _What the hell was that? Trish didn't say anything about that. It didn't happen when the armour ran out on the citadel. It must be a fault. I sure hope Matthias's team can replicate it when they get the suit data, it was damn useful, would be awesome if I could trigger it manually._

Once the hostiles were finally eliminated the rest of her squad made their way over, thankfully remembering to continue sweeping the area as they approached with various looks of awe, wonder and amusement on their faces.

"Well that's one way to flank the enemy." Garrus deadpanned and Wrex boomed in laughter, the two human marines trying and failing to repress their own chuckles. Tali was shaking slightly and Nikki was fairly certain the only reason she couldn't hear the youngest team member's mirth was because the quarian had turned off her helmet speakers.

"Yeah, yeah laugh it up. Next time you're on flanking maneuvers." Shepard threatened. "Come on, mission's not over yet."

...

Kaiden watched the commander with barely concealed admiration as they waited for the SSV Madrid to pick up the prisoners. He still wasn't sure what was more impressive, that she'd managed to talk Charles Eisenhardt into surrendering, or that she'd even bothered attempting to try in the first place. Sure Eisenhardt had had Chairman Burns at gunpoint, but Kaiden had heard the order to Garrus over closed comms to let her know when he had a clear shot. Let her know, but not to fire unless she ordered it. He'd been there when the turian took the shot in Dr Michel's clinic and knew the former C-Sec officer could make it clean without endangering the hostage. When his flanged voice claimed he was ready, Kaiden fully expected it to be game over for the former Alliance biotic.

Instead Shepard kept talking, telling the fanatics how they were all a bunch of idiots, making things worse for every other L2 out there, increasing the public's mistrust and forcing the newer generations of biotics to go through the same hell the first generation had gone through instead of being able to make the most of the recent progress in public opinion and legal support. If all that wasn't enough she then proceeded to outline better plans and tactics for them to get what they wanted, ones that they could even enact from inside prison where (she left them in no doubt) they **would** be going if they didn't end up in body bags first. When she finally shut up Charles didn't just surrender, he looked contrite as well. The final icing on the cake was when she'd motioned for Ash to take Burns out the room. The chairman had been gushing in his thanks for her rescue, claiming he'd no idea how desperate the L2s were, Shepard had looked down on him like he was muck on her boot and shook her head in disgust as she stated: "Then you weren't doing your job."

Of course, Kaiden knew not all humans were prejudiced against biotics, but there was a difference between not insulting them and actively supporting them. Especially when you had a gun in your face. Regulations stated he had to salute the commander's insignia and anyone who earned the N7 badge was undoubtedly worthy of respect. She'd earned his gratitude when she pulled him out the way of that beacon. Now she had something... he wasn't quite sure how to describe it other than 'more'. It was more than her rank or her achievements that garnered his reverence, it was who she actually was as a person... And that person was spectacular.


	47. Therum

"So, looking forward to your first Mako drop?" Shepard asked her non-human teammates as they all gathered around the lockers, running final checks on their weapons and securing them in place. Anderson's 'advice' upon reaching the Artemius Tau cluster had been to look for the prothean ruins and there could be little doubt that the planet best known for prothean sites was Therum. Unfortunately it was also the planet with the highest population, with Eldfell-Ashland having multiple mines on the planet and building the appropriate towns and infrastructure to support their workers. That meant the chance of their presence remaining secret once they entered orbit was relatively low. Yes she had a stealth ship, but it was still visible to the naked eye. She had tried to minimize the risk by having the Normandy's approach vector bring them in on the other side of the planet to Nova Yekaterinburg, sticking to the least inhabited areas as they conducted orbital scans on known prothean sites for any signs of activity. Now that they had narrowed the search down to a handful of possible locations the only way to know for sure was to go down and check the remaining ones out.

"God no, Mako drops are horrible." To her surprise it wasn't any of the aliens that responded to her question and she raised an incredulous eyebrow at Ash.

"What was that Williams?"

"Uh, I mean they're horrible _ma'am_." Ashley tried to correct herself but was wrong in her assumption of what the commander's problem had been.

"They're not! They're amazing and- Ah..." She broke off her protestations with a noise of understanding as she remembered the Gunnery Chief's service record, she'd been stuck on planetary defense and other crap postings her entire career. "You've not dropped since basic have you? Yeah those drops are pretty nasty, nobody actually seems to know what they're doing back then."

" **I've** dropped since basic and I agree with the chief." Kaiden stated and Shepard turned to mock glare at him.

"What is this, a mutiny? Whipping people might not be considered an acceptable source of naval discipline anymore but I'm sure I can come up with some kind of punishment." The lieutenant shrugged clearly not taking her threats seriously, the fact that she wasn't serious was besides the point.

"Sorry Commander, I just find them too rough, they seem to make me nauseous."

"Too rough? The Mako's like gliding on ice compared to a Grizzly! I can't believe you've spent this long in the Alliance and not served with anyone who knows how to drive. Wait, actually I can... I assure you you're in safe hands with me Alenko. I guarantee you the smoothest ride of your life." Shepard missed his reaction to the comment as she turned immediately to Tali who had her hand in the air.

"Umm, I'm sorry Shepard but what actually _**IS**_ a Mako drop?" The commander smiled benevolently.

"It's a vehicular insertion technique. I was surprised when I found out the Alliance was the only military that really use it. Most species seem to prefer to land the ship so you can just drive off the ramp, but finding an acceptable landing zone can leave you hundreds of kilometers away from the objective so-"

"It's flying a tank." Wrex interrupted her long winded explanation.

"That's **not** flying!" Came an indignant protest from the ship's speakers, Shepard rolling her eyes at her pilot's eavesdropping even though she concurred with his statement.

"Agreed. It's more like falling with style."

...

Nikki wished she'd thought to put a camera in the Mako as she listened to the various responses of her squad as they hurtled through the air. She longed to see their faces but the drop required her full attention. One eye remained focused on the altimeter at all times, the other surveying the fast approaching ground for any potential obstacles. As a mechanic she'd had to fix far too many torn chassis from where a distracted driver had allowed an unseen rock to rip apart the bottom of the vehicle or propel it cartwheeling into the air. She didn't need a spare eye to check what buttons she was pressing as she hit the thrusters at the appropriate times to slow their descent, knowing exactly where each control was from long years of experience. Of course it was physically impossible to land without some kind of rebound, unless you planned on continuing to plow down through the ground leaving a rocky crater or gaping chasm behind that is, but her skill made it feel more like bouncing on a trampoline than the usual jerky, often bruise inducing, recoil. She wrestled with the steering as it tried to judder in response to the wheels hitting the ground, keeping their course straight as they rode out the last few bumps and resorted to normal driving. Then she braked and turned round in her seat, raising an eyebrow at the others.

"Well?"

"Much better than I expected." Ash allowed, while Kaiden admitted: "Best I've ever had."

"That was fun, I want to do it again!" Wrex boomed, earning himself a wide smile from the commander.

"I think I'm going to die." Tali supplied and Shepard's enthusiasm quickly vanished as she stood up from the driver's seat and made her way to the back in concern, activating her omni-tool to conduct a scan.

"Did you get a suit breach?"

"No, but I feel like half my organs are still in the cargo bay." The quarian groaned and Nikki couldn't help but laugh as she clapped her companionably on the shoulder.

"You get used to it I promise. What about you Garrus?" The turian's eyes were wide, his mandibles twitching comically as the commander made her way past him back to her seat.

"That was... That was..."

"That good huh?"

"You humans are crazy! Is that what those theme parks I heard about in C-Sec are like? Sort of scary and exhilarating at the same time."

"Don't know. Didn't have any on Mindoir."

"Wait, you've **never** been to a theme park ma'am?"

"What? If I want excitement I can jump out a shuttle. And on that note, time for an anticlimactic drive through the countryside."

...

After the adrenaline inducing drop, the first couple of hours on Therum's surface WAS rather anticlimactic. The archaeological equipment seen on the orbital scan of the first dig site had been abandoned, the life signs belonging to wildlife that had claimed the spot for themselves. A quick sweep through, just to make sure, found nothing to help with their mission and they clambered back into the Mako. The second prothean ruin was slightly more exciting but no more profitable as they ran into a group of Blue Suns mercenaries who were looting the place for anything nailed down (everything _**not**_ nailed down had vanished long ago). The team's enthusiasm was beginning to wane as they drove on to the next location, fortunately the Normandy's shipside crew hadn't all stopped working the moment the CO went ashore and the comm link crackled to life.

"Commander, we're picking up some strange readings a few klicks away from your position. Really strange. Like off the damn charts."

"Alright, send me the nav point." They changed course, managing to drive for almost five minutes before a geth ship raced over head deploying enemies in their path. The machines weren't like anything she'd seen on Eden Prime though and the commander found herself asking: "Tali, what are those?"

Their resident geth expert peered at the rapidly approaching shapes before replying: "I think they're armatures."

"What's an armat-" Shepard cut off as she wrenched the steering wheel to the side and hit the thrusters to avoid a pulse of blue energy. "You know what? Doesn't matter. Williams, open fire!" The combined machine gun and canon fire took care of one while Nikki neutralized the other by ramming it into the lava. Targets down they drove on, the steep mountains and streams of molten sludge forcing them to twist and turn their way towards the objective. Shepard briefly wondered why the geth hadn't dropped a larger force, _surely they didn't think two units would be enough to stop her?_ She figured it out a moment later, they weren't _**trying**_ to stop her, only slow her down. She cast her mind back to the orbital scans.

"Alenko have we got some kind of structure coming up?" The lieutenant manipulated the displays before nodding.

"Yeah, an old Eldfell-Ashland compound." Checking there were no enemies nearby the N7 pulled the Mako to a halt so she could take a look. Birds eye views couldn't tell you everything but it looked like a pretty sturdy gatehouse would be blocking their way in a few minutes and she couldn't imagine the geth not mounting some kind of defense there.

"Alright I'm gonna scout ahead. Vakarian, Williams with me." She said decisively, standing up and unholstering her rifle. "Alenko you've got the wheel, Wrex the guns. Tali reckon you can handle the HUDs?" The quarian nodded. "Good. Advance up to the last bend but don't pass it until you get my signal. Oh and be careful, don't damage my baby."

...

Shepard lay prone on the mountainside, eye to the scope of her sniper rifle as she made note of the enemy positions below. Garrus and Ash doing the same from similar but different locations. The three heavy turrets planted outside the shuttered gate were enough on their own to make the N7 glad of her decision to scout ahead. Even the Mako's shields wouldn't last long under a sustained barrage from multiple anti-tank missiles. Of course if she'd stumbled upon them without warning, with only seconds to react, she may well have maneuvered the IFV down the narrow opening on the right to avoid the devastating firepower. From her current position she could clearly see the trap that would have led her into, another turret covering the escape route. Reversing back into cover would lead to them being pinned down, guns locked on to the edges of the cover on both sides and prepared to fire the moment the vehicle reappeared. The Mako's own weapons too far back on the hull to be able to get a line of sight until half the vehicle was exposed and under fire. She would undoubtedly have come up with some way to emerge victorious but it would have been messy and rushed, the chances of coming out completely unscathed rather slim as she reacted to events as they occurred, never truly knowing what would happen next or what the extent of their opposition was. Fortunately she had cottoned on before things got that far and now had ample time to plan in advance.

It was a pity they weren't up against organics. If they were Shepard could have snuck down, silently dispatching the odd opponent with her combat knife while making her way through the compound to the controls, turning off the turrets or hacking their friend/foe identifiers so they turned on the enemy and opening up the gates to let the Mako in. It was well within her skillset and there were more than enough gaps in the sentry positions to pull it off. Unfortunately the geth's networked intelligence prohibited any chance of a stealthy approach. As soon as she took down the first unit, the others would all know. Instead they would have to strike hard and fast, taking out as many of the enemy as they could as quickly as possible. The juggernaut was the deadliest foe but it was also the best defended, it wouldn't be going down quickly so she begrudgingly resigned the heavy hitter to last. She assigned Ashley the standard trooper, while she and Garrus would tag team the rocket trooper. Shepard shooting first with disruptor ammo to bring down its shields enabling the turian to finish it with armour piercing rounds. In order to prevent their rifles overheating they would then take a moment to throw grenades and overloads at the automated turret that would undoubtedly be searching for them by now, seeking to weaken it for the incoming second team. Kaiden would drive straight for the gap in the rock instead of wasting time and energy facing off against the triple guns at the gate. Aggressive driving combined with already knowing exactly where everything is should help the shields hold out long enough for Wrex to open up with the Mako's canon and destroy the turret, while the snipers turned back to their secondary targets of a geth destroyer and shock trooper. Once they were down everybody would finally be free to focus on the juggernaut. There was a lot of opportunity for things to go wrong and timing would be crucial, but after running through alternatives and contingencies in her head the N7 decided it was the best plan they had and filled the rest of the squad in, making certain they all knew exactly what was required of them when.

With the exception of an extra rocket trooper coming out of the gatehouse, the plan went off without a hitch. The only damage the team sustained being to their shields. Leaving Garrus to cover them from his perch on high ground, Nikki and Ash swept through the handful of buildings in the compound clearing them all before hitting the switch on the gate controls, everyone climbing back into the Mako so they could carry on their merry way.

The commander made sure to reclaim her driving seat but she allowed Tali to keep monitoring the HUDs, Kaiden keeping an eye over her shoulder to pass on any tips or draw attention to anything the quarian missed. Tali was not only a quick learner but a natural with anything technology orientated and Shepard was pleased to have more than one person capable of filling each role in the vehicle. The krogan and the gunnery chief were quite content to argue over who got to play with the big guns and according to their service records both Alenko and Vakarian were trained in evasive driving in normal, zero and plus G gravity. Although admittedly neither of them would get the chance while she was in the Mako.

They made good time as they drove towards the navpoint for the strange signal, despite more geth trying to get in their way. Around bends in tunnels, behind barricades, or just out in the open on top of hills, it mattered not; all fell to the might of the Mako's firepower. Well... excepting the units that fell beneath their wheels instead. All good things must come to an end however and eventually a rockfall too narrow for the IFV to pass through forced the whole squad to disembark and carry on on foot. Shepard first making sure to mark the vehicle's position on her nav.

They advanced, spread out so they couldn't all be taken out by a solitary rocket blast, running from cover to cover and disposing of any enemies they came across on the way. The red light of a targeting laser gave Shepard a split moment's warning before a high velocity shot passed through her shields and tech armour, ending as a dent in her ceramic plating. Without the prototype technology it probably would have torn right through her flesh and if she hadn't instinctively moved when she saw the red dot it would have hit a vital organ instead of the shoulder that would now be badly bruised tonight. To her surprise Kaiden enveloped her in a secondary barrier to help protect her while her shields recharged and she nodded a heartfelt thanks to him while Garrus lined up his own shot on the geth sniper. Even from a distance they saw the robot fall out the tall tower. Nothing else could even slow them down after that until they made it up the slope and approached the mine. The whine of a geth ship overhead had them all scattering for cover as more snipers landed alongside a colossus and something not even Tali recognised.

"Leave the colossus til last, concentrate fire on one or two units at a time. Everything we take out diminishes the combined intelligence of the whole squad." Shepard ordered as she threw an overload followed by a grenade at one of the snipers. Wrex finished it off with a shotgun blast and she switched targets, rapidly generating a miniature scrap heap until only two hostiles were left. "Stay still you little fucker!"

...

Shepard debated leaving the snipers on overwatch outside the mine, keeping an eye on their escape route and making sure nothing snuck up behind them. It was a sensible precaution and an N7 plus krogan with two more people as backup aught to be more than enough to handle whatever was still waiting for them in the bowels of the earth. Unfortunately it was clear Williams was beginning to flag in the heat and she didn't want to leave Garrus on his own without support. There'd be no point leaving someone who used a shorter range weapon and to top it all off if the geth used their jamming technology again then there was a chance she'd never receive the attempted warnings anyway. Instead she had everybody pair up, not liking the tight confines and lack of cover in the narrow tunnel, she insisted on 25 metres between each fire team to prevent clustering together within grenade radius, Alenko and Vakarian at the back tasked with watching the rear. A minor skirmish just as the tunnel widened into a cavern was barely worthy of the term. Her and Wrex terminating the hostiles before the next team even reached their position.

The next tactical decision came at the elevators, they _**could**_ have all squeezed in together but that would have been the height of stupidity should anything be waiting to ambush them at the bottom, the people closest the door blocking the line of fire of the people at the back. Instead she rode down first with Wrex and Williams, all three of them with their shotguns ready. It was all clear as they emerged but the lesson she'd been drumming in to their skulls during transit about always maintaining 360 degree security even after clearing a location was proven essential as several drones rose up from below them. They opened fire almost immediately but still weren't quick enough to beat the loud retort from a sniper rifle as Garrus picked one off from the level above. Targets neutralised, team two followed them down before they all moved to the second elevator planning on repeating the procedure.

The plan went to the wayside as the elevator screeched to a premature halt with sparks flying. Updating the others through comms, Shepard dropped the short gap down to the floor, discovering a blue barrier on her left, an asari hovering in a crucifixion pose on the other side. A quick check against the mental photo she'd memorised confirmed the identity as Dr T'Soni, but she ignored the archaeologist's cries for help a moment as she swept for hostiles. This time she didn't need to order her squad, Ash and Wrex automatically taking up position to cover her as she finally approached Liara for a chat.

"Can you believe it? Geth outside the veil?" Nikki's sarcastic comment of _'really? I hadn't noticed'_ was bitten back in favour of a more professional response as she quizzed the young maiden, paying close attention to her reactions throughout. They'd just gotten to the part about impenetrable prothean barrier curtains and how to get past them when she was interrupted by a shout from above.

"Commander you've got incoming!" Shepard flashed a grin at the trapped asari as she traded her shotgun for an assault rifle and headed towards the fighting, calling over her shoulder:

"Don't move, I'll be back in a jiffy." She fully expected an irritated, scornful remark about not being _**able**_ to move but instead the asari merely asked in utter bewilderment:

"What's a jiffy?"

...

It was absolutely nerve racking waiting for the strange human in black armour with the striped arm to reappear. Not long after she'd vanished from sight Liara saw another human and a quarian of all things scramble down from the ruined elevator. They didn't speak to her as they hurried past, only glancing at her in so much as it was part of their sweep of the room. They disappeared as well, the sounds of gunfire the only proof of their existence. Suddenly the cacophony of battle ceased. The silence might have lasted seconds or hours, Liara honestly couldn't tell, but it was drawn out long enough for her to start wondering whether the strangers had survived. Her ears strained for the slightest sound, which only led to a sensory overload when there was a sudden beam of light and an almighty explosion, followed by the sound of falling rocks.

"Really Shepard?" Called a flanging voice and then from the same direction as everybody else had appeared a turian dropped to the ground, standing up straight with a sniper rifle attached to his back and an assault rifle carried casually in his arms. Unlike the others he did actually look at her as he strolled past, mandibles flicking in amusement, then he too was gone. Another eternity of silence passed with nothing to look at but the prothean barrier and then she became aware of noises behind her. She tried but failed to face them, finally calling out for information.

"Hang on just a little longer doc, almost with you." Called the Alliance commander and Liara swore she could _hear_ a smirk in the voice. Any further queries were cut off as the containment field she was trapped in powered down and she landed on the floor in a heap. "Sorry." There was the barest hint of a repressed chuckle but it didn't sound malignant and Liara looked up to find a red and white striped arm reaching down to help her up. Her eyes followed the stripe up until it reached a face, sure enough the lips were curled up in a grin, the eyes above a warm swirling pool of brown.

"You ok?" A soft voice asked in concern and the asari nodded.

"Yes. I... How did you get past the barrier? It's supposed to be impenetrable." The eyes sparkled with mirth, the grin turning lopsided as the human gave a half shrug claiming:

"I pushed some buttons." There was a rumbling chuckle and Liara finally managed to focus behind the human, seeing the unusual squad made up of a mixture of other races. The human male didn't seem particularly pleased for some reason but the rest seemed to be composed of a mix of wariness and amusement. The giant krogan definitely falling into the later category.

"Yeah, 'buttons'... on a **mining laser!** "

"Oh please, like any of you had a better plan." The commander scoffed but Liara found her attention snapping to a distant rumbling sound.

"Oh no, this entire area is known for seismic activity. We need to get out of here!"

"Great plan. After you." The stripe pointed over to the rest of the squad and the asari hustled to join the aliens on the much sleeker prothean lift. As it rose she only half heard the frantic conversation on the comms between the leader and some kind of _comedian?_ Just as Liara finally started to believe that she might just get out of this mess alive their escape route was blocked by more geth and a krogan, demanding her strange saviours hand her over. With a fast approaching stream of molten lava behind them, it seemed like a foregone conclusion what would happen next. So she was immensely shocked when instead the commander pulled her protectively behind her, other hand bringing up her sidearm as she declared: "She'll stay with us thanks."

Liara was too busy sitting underneath a personal barrier in a puddle of bewilderment to pay much attention to the fight, but suddenly she was pulled to her feet and urged to run. She followed the simple instruction to the best of her ability only to find herself stumbling over a rock and crashing painfully to the ground. She looked up as the others careened past her, their own survival instinct overruling any sense of compassion for her plight. Maybe it wasn't a lack of compassion after all but simply that they didn't see her, considering how the last figure suddenly doubled back pulling her up and before she could protest slinging her over their shoulders like a sack of vegetables, resuming their run at a far faster pace than she had been moving at before her fall. Bright sunlight pricked her eyes as they emerged outside and she didn't even get a proper look at the ship before they were up the ramp and she was carefully deposited on the floor.

...

Shepard glanced around the cargo hold as she put down the archaeologist, making sure everyone was accounted for. She was breathing heavily but still considered it a win that she wasn't doubled over on the floor like most her squad. Satisfied they were all present and correct, she activated her omni-tool, sending Joker a set of co-ordinates and verbally ordering him to "GO!" The fact that she didn't get any witty comeback regarding the use of words like please and thank you proved the seriousness of their situation.

"Alright everyone, good job, debrief in thirty minutes. Ash can you show Dr T'Soni to the medbay please? I don't know how long you were trapped down there doctor but I'd rather not risk you passing out in the corridors. I'll feel much happier after my ship's medical officer gives you a clean bill of health. Ash, tell Doctor Chakwas I'd like T'Soni at the debrief if at all possible but I can send her back afterwards if needs be." Nikki waited until the elevator door shut behind the women before turning to the rest of the team. "Kaiden, Garrus, I want you to keep an eye on her. **Subtly**. My gut says we can trust her but I don't want to risk being blindsided before we know for sure." They nodded and went to the lockers to put away their combat gear. Shepard waited a little longer, staying by the door until Joker informed her they'd reached her navpoint. The ramp opened once more and she darted back outside into Therum's heat. Erupting volcano or no, she wasn't leaving her darling Mako behind.


	48. Chapter 48

"Was it really necessary to destroy those prothean ruins Commander?" The turian councillor's voice dripped with disdain and Shepard was forced to bite her tongue. It took a tremendous amount of energy and will power to keep both her face and voice neutral as her inner brain snarked: _I don't know, was it necessary for Saren to destroy that eezo refinery and blame it on Anderson? At least_ _ **my**_ _explosion didn't result in hundreds of civilian deaths._

"I'm afraid so Councillor, I assure you the alternative was far worse." Her voice remained professional, no trace of emotion betraying her and the salarian jumped metaphorically to her defense. Even if he managed to sound rather condescending towards her as he did so. After ripping every single one of her decisions to shreds from the safety and comfort of their ivory tower, despite the fact that she'd successfully fulfilled the mission objectives with absolutely sod all help or guidance on their behalf, the council finally terminated the call leaving an absolutely fuming commander in their wake.

She knew she should check in on Dr T'Soni to make sure she was settling in, Chakwas had sent a report confirming the asari was physically ok, but it would still be better if she checked on her in person. It would help put the archaeologist at ease and assure her she had her welfare at heart. Unfortunately after that call with the council she didn't think she had the patience to deal with any more civilians. Well... there was one civilian she was always willing to deal with, but a quick glance at the time on her omni-tool was enough to see that Trish would be asleep. Much as she might want to vent about her new bosses, that particular form of stress relief wasn't available right now and it probably wouldn't do crew morale much good if she headed straight from the comm room to the punch bag.

An alternative solution presented itself as she remembered how the steering on the Mako had been getting a little ropey towards the end of the mission. It was her own fault for letting someone else drive really. Or maybe it was the several rounds of demolition derby she had played against the geth? It was hard to be sure. Either way, tinkering with the Mako would help calm her down while also looking like work to the rest of the crew. Even the thought was relaxing and she hummed slightly in the lift on her way down. Her good mood lasted until the doors opened and she got her first look at the cargo bay. The mako was already up on the ramp and while she'd have to get closer for a more accurate diagnostic, it was clear even from a distance that at least one wheel had been taken off.

"What the- **Who the fuck's been messing around with my Mako!?** "

"Uh, that would be me Commander." A flanged voice answered as Garrus emerged from the safety of the other side of the IFV and directly into the line of fire of her furious glare. "It looked like she was pulling a little to the left down there and I thought someone should take a look."

"And you didn't think to ask for permission first?"

"I did ma'am. I checked with Chief Williams. She said I better know what I'm doing but that us aliens were unrestricted so I could knock myself out." Shepard barely bit back a groan as she recalled her off the record chat with Ashley. Right now she couldn't decide if the younger marine had taken her message to heart or had switched to passive aggressive belligerence and decided to follow her words to the letter to instigate this very situation in an attempt to prove her original point and sow discord between the spectre and the ship's sole turian. "The guide to human idioms pamphlet at C-Sec said 'knock yourself out' meant 'go ahead' so I thought-... I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't mean to do anything wrong." Nikki sighed.

"I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. The Chief's been in the Alliance a long time but only joined my command recently. I usually prefer to take care of the ground vehicles myself while most officers wouldn't be caught dead with a wrench in their hand. Why don't you walk me through everything you've done. Fair warning though, if you've used any omni-gel I'll make you wish you were never born." The former C-Sec officer's mandibles flared in surprise.

"I thought you humans loved that stuff? That's one of the reasons I volunteered my services, I didn't want to be riding around in a vehicle held together by putty and prayer." Shepard's lip twitched minutely in controlled amusement, her unease partially sated by that statement and she further relaxed as she examined his work with a critical eye.

"Not bad Vakarian. Not bad at all. Sorry for shouting at you earlier."

"That's alright, I probably should have checked with you first rather than the nearest available Alliance personnel. Also ah, don't take this the wrong way but once I've finished with repairs I think I could make some improvements to the vehicle's overall performance. The fuel injector for example, I'm confident I could improve its efficiency by 2.8%" The commander shook her head and for a moment Garrus thought he'd pushed his luck too far until he saw the faintest trace of a smile on her face.

"The fuel injector huh? I've not had a chance to fiddle with that yet, it's still Vancouver depot grade and that's only one step above factory grade. I should be able to improve it by at least 3.69%" The turian stared at her incredulously.

"3.69%? That's not possible. How?" Shepard chuckled.

"Oh ye of little faith. Come over here, let me show you."

...

"So, Therum huh? Please tell me you weren't anywhere near that volcanic eruption?" Trish asked casually a day later as she answered the call and Nikki froze.

"Uh... What volcano and how do you know where I am?"

"The volcano that somehow managed to erupt approximately seven hours after your ship arrived on Therum and fifteen minutes before you left orbit. As for how I know, I set up a data feed using the search terms 'Commander Shepard', 'Spectre Shepard' and 'SSV Normandy', you'd be amazed how many articles there are out there on you." The spectre groaned. "If it makes you feel better none of the reputable news agencies have published anything about Therum yet. I found that out from the extranet site Spectre sightings."

"You're joking? Please tell me you're kidding, that can't be a real thing."

"Afraid so. Apparently Jondum Bau was last spotted food shopping in a mall on Mannovai seventy-nine minutes ago and Avitus Rix was chasing a drell and an elcor down an alleyway on Omega yesterday at 10:27."

"Really? Hmm, don't suppose there's been any recent sightings of Saren on there?"

"Multiple actually, but considering he was spotted on Omega, Illium **and** Palaven all within twenty minutes of each other I'm pretty sure most of them are bogus. It's possible one of them may be genuine but there's too much misinformation to be able to find out which. Also I'm highly aware that you haven't answered my question about the volcano yet."

"That's because I'm still trying to work out how to answer without you threatening to kill me." It was Trish's turn to groan.

"I knew it! It was too much of a coincidence, I just knew you were somewhere nearby."

"Less nearby, more... inside... Are you angry babe?"

"I wish I was angry. At this point I'm more sort of resigned. I had a feeling you would be there. I just think where's the most dangerous place right now and what's the stupidest thing you could be doing and lo and behold, there you are."

"Aww come on babe, that's not fair! If that were true I'd have been toasting marshmallows on the lava." Trish snorted involuntarily at the mental picture.

"Yeah that's totally something I can imagine you trying to do. Why didn't you?"

"Well I _**was**_ rather busy trying to outrun a volcanic eruption... but mainly it was because I didn't have any marshmallows." Trish laughed.

"Git."

"Yeah but I'm your git."

"That you are. Just remember I like my git whole and in one piece."

"Hey, I am in one piece! I've still got all my fingers and toes." Trish raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

"Well... the same number I had at the start of the year anyway." Nick quickly amended.

...

 **Author's note:** Don't worry Trish isn't always going to magically know the details of Shepard's missions. Any ship side conversations with crew members from the game that I don't specifically bring up assume they took place and Nikki answered professionally, with a touch of humour, some friendly banter and almost always in a paragon type fashion. I don't much see the point of just repeating word for word game dialogue unless I've actually made changes, she's thinking something important and possibly contradictory during the conversation or it's needed to help establish the time and place of the chapter.


	49. Edolus

Nikki had just taken her seat in the mess, first forkful of the Alliance's dubitable interpretation of 'stew' still en route to her mouth when the call came, forcing her to abandon her meal and head for the CIC.

"Alright what've we got?" She demanded as she took her place by the galaxy map, noting how it was already zoomed in on their current star system, along with the little flashing ident that informed her they were in stealth mode.

"We're picking up an automated distress beacon from the planet's surface." The planet in question glowed on the display. "Not registering any ships on scan but they could be using the other planets as a shield." She nodded her understanding, if there were no ships in orbit there were only three likely scenarios: they were too late to help, the beacon was from a ship that suffered damage and had to land, or it was an ambush.

"How long will it take us to get there?"

"Four hours at FTL or nine days at standard." They couldn't maintain stealth at Faster-than-light speeds but then the IES system's heat sinks wouldn't last for nine days without venting any way. Not to mention that if it was a genuine distress call the people on the other end might not be able to wait that long.

"Ok, on my mark vent the heat sinks and jump to FTL. Adams, I know your department's going to be busy but your team plus Miss Zorah have just over three hours to make me some kind of deployable buoy that will emit readings consistent with a ship at full stop. If someone **is** waiting then simply vanishing will put them on high alert. We'll launch decoy on arrival and re-stealth to a new location. If it's not possible let me know ASAP."

"Aye aye ma'am, thought you'd never ask." The response from engineering was in the tones of someone who already had at least half a plan and was merely waiting for permission to get started. It shouldn't come as a surprise, she reminded herself, Anderson did hand pick the crew after all and he had an eye for talent.

"Pressly, I'm thinking here and here, any objections?" The navigator analysed her choices on the map, aware that she wasn't just asking about the co-ordinates. While she had the superior rank, he had more experience in ship side operations and combat. Her area of expertise being on the ground, or water, or... Well anything **but** ship-on-ship space combat really. Point was if she made a blunder she'd rather know in the planning stages rather than when it was too late.

"Looks good ma'am."

"Ok, everybody know what they're doing? If you've got any questions or objections now's the time." There was relative silence except for a few 'understood ma'am's then a voice radiated from the cockpit.

"Commander, where do babies-"

"Finish that Joker and I'll let Crossfield take the helm. Anybody else? Ok then, venting heat sinks in three, two, one, mark."

...

They had been lucky on Therum, nobody suffering anything worse than cuts and bruises. That, combined with Shepard feeling comfortable enough about Liara's sincerity and intentions to be willing to leave the young asari to pick through the accumulated notes of her life's work on the Normandy without the need of a guard, meant that they had the same team as before.

The Mako dropped with far less fanfare this time round, with everybody now knowing what to expect. A brief: "everyone still breathing?" and their acknowledgements the sole chatter before Shepard drove off, aiming for the beacon's signal.

...

The mako suddenly slammed to a halt without warning as they crested a slope, the valley laid out before them in all its gory glory. Shepard had long ago mastered the art of recognising a flashback and grounding herself before it could pull her in too deep but it was a hell of a lot harder when all her senses were returning nearly identical results as on that distant, fateful day.

She concentrated on the slight differences, Tali's quiet, but slightly shy of silent, filtration system as it worked constantly to provide the quarian with safe air. The smell of stagnant sweat inside the mako, admittedly there had been plenty of perspiration last time round, but none had had that musky undertone of a krogan slowly being boiled inside a tin can. Despite her best efforts the sight before her remained unchanged.

"Wrex, does this look like what I think it looks like to you?" The clipped, controlled tone of voice clued the big krogan in on what he was likely to find even before he maneuvered around the cramped interior so he could see out.

"Yeah, that's maw territory alright... So, what now? We heading back to the ship?" He watched the team's reactions to his assessment, most of them were clearly uneasy at the prospect of facing one of the legendary beasts. They didn't truly understand what they were up against though. To them it was just some creature from a horror vid. The commander knew the truth however, they'd talked about it often enough in the cargo hold, the human determined to learn as much as she possibly could about the creatures. Then again even if they hadn't he would have been able to tell from the look in her eye, it was the same look he'd seen in asari huntresses: haunted, slightly scared, but determined as hell and he knew her answer a full two seconds before she shook her head grimly.

"Still got to disable that beacon before someone else tries to answer the distress call. At least we know what we're getting into." The smile on her face when she turned to face him was wry but at least it wasn't manic as she asked: "Fancy a walk big guy?" He nodded, thankful that her prohibition on him using his Graal spike thrower on anything organic hadn't gone as far as banning him from storing it in the mako, he pulled it out from storage now as he checked:

"Sure, as long as I can bring this?"

"You're **definitely** bringing that." She growled before turning to face the others. She was silent for a moment as she mentally ran through their files, working out the best positions for them all. "Ok people, this ain't going to be easy. Tali, Ash stay where you are. Don't even bother trying to keep an eye on the shields though Tali, you could have a hole clear through both sides of the armour and still have ninety percent plus shielding. Focus on the radar and letting everybody know where the enemy is, it'll keep diving underground and resurfacing somewhere else. Kaiden you get to drive. Stay on the slope, to the best of my knowledge maws usually only ever surface on flat ground." She glanced to Wrex for confirmation and got a nod.

"That doesn't mean you're going to be safe though, the range on their acid is at least a hundred and twenty metres, probably more. Nobody's ever had time to measure it exactly. You've got to constantly twist and turn, stay random. Maws may be monsters but they're not stupid. You develop even the slightest hint of a pattern the bastards will work it out and learn to anticipate your moves." Kaiden nodded his understanding, although Shepard wasn't entirely sure anyone could truly understand until they had actually tried to outmaneuver a thresher maw.

She'd feel more comfortable if she was driving but she wasn't about to order anybody to do what she was about to. Oh sure Wrex was coming too but she wouldn't have forced him to if he'd said no, and he was the only one other than her who had experience with this. She took a deep breath before turning to the final member of the team.

"Garrus, if you're willing I'd like you and your rifle outside the Mako. Make sure you're at least two hundred metres away from the nearest flat ground at all times and focus on the weak spots. Wrex you got any photos of maws? Would save me time trying to access the extranet." He activated his omni-tool passing it over to her and she chuckled slightly at the picture, the much younger warrior in it clearly the same krogan despite having far less scars. "Typical."

"What? You're telling me you never took a victory photo?"

"I was a bit preoccupied trying to find a way off world." He made a noise of disbelieve but dropped the subject as she started to point out the weak spots to the rest of the team, only speaking again to point out one that she'd missed. Eventually they were as prepared as they could be and he disembarked from the vehicle with the commander. Before the door closed she gave some final instructions:

"No matter what happens you don't stop on flat ground, even if you think we need extraction, you stay away. And if Wrex gives you an order you don't question it and you don't hesitate. Consider him second in command until we get back to the Normandy." The Mako shot off, skirting the edge of the valley to drop off Garrus on the other side and they started the short walk down to the beacon that seemed to stretch out for an eternity.

"So... No advice for me?" Wrex asked, breaking the silence. Except it hadn't been silent, not to him, he had been painfully aware of the human's deliberately controlled breathing. He knew the amount of concentration and effort she was expending to keep it that way instead of allowing it to run ragged like her racing heart. Knew that no matter how imaginative the rest of the squad may be, whatever they envisioned the next few minutes going like, was nothing compared to the horrors the woman next to him was likely remembering. He wasn't really expecting any advice, they both knew he had more experience than her, but she turned to him anyway and offered:

"Don't let it spit on you, it fucking hurts." He chuckled, debating with himself for a moment before deciding that in his limited knowledge and experience of humans they seemed closer mentally to asari than krogan and asking:

"Are you sure you want to do this? I can disable the beacon." She shook her head determinably.

"Got to do it." _Ok, not like asari, more like turians with that damn sense of duty_ he mused, considering protesting and pointing out again how he was quite capable of turning off a transmitter. Then he got another look at her face and he realised the real meaning behind her words. This _**wasn't**_ about the mission objectives or keeping up appearances in front of her crew. This was something she had to do for herself and he shut up, resolving to watch her back and see she made it through. After all, if the human spectre died who knew how long it would be before someone else in a position of power was willing to take a chance on the krogan.

...

Nikki let out the breath she'd been holding as she shut down the beacon and it finally stopped transmitting, glancing around at the still peaceful valley. Well, peaceful if you ignored the sight of the dead marines and the stench of rotting flesh and thresher acid anyway. It was certainly still and quiet though. She could see the Mako up on the distant ridge, sticking to sloped ground like she'd instructed. Closer by was Wrex, scanning the surroundings with casual ease as he stood relatively nearby, yet far enough away that if a thresher did strike at them it wouldn't be able to get both of them in a single hit.

Still a sense of unease prevailed as she started the grim task of collecting dog tags, and it wasn't merely from the thought of coming up against another acid worm after all these years. No, the whole situation was wrong. The beacon was a civilian model, that meant the marines hadn't been the ones to activate it but rather were answering it. Only there was no colony on Edolus, no mining crews or pioneer teams. No sign of a crashed ship or any other explanation for who could have set it up in the middle of nowhere and why.

Speaking of ships, where was the marine's? They had to have got to the planet somehow, they didn't just magically spawn down here. Yet there was no ship in orbit and no wreckage on land. Even if it had left to report back to the fleet, Alliance protocol dictated they should have left a beacon in orbit transmitting a 'do not land' advisory notice. The whole thing was highly suspicious but she didn't have time to dwell on it further as a faint tremor spread under ground.

Despite the years since she last felt it, there was no mistaking what it was, and adrenaline flooded her veins in preparation for her imminent need to run. The running she should in fact already be doing. She knew perfectly well she needed to be running, it was actually a rather integral part of the plan to stay alive. So why the fuck was she still rooted to the spot?

" **Maw inbound!"** Wrex bellowed into the comms, a warning to the Mako crew that she was supposed to have issued. The vehicle in the distance instantly started moving, Shepard still did not. The thresher erupted from the ground about a hundred metres away from her position and Wrex cursed himself for letting her enter the valley. _He'd known damn it!_ _Asari or human, it made no difference, the squishy species were always the same._ He was debating whether knocking her out the way with his biotics if the maw focused on her would be more or less dangerous for her health when she finally sprung to life. Opening fire with her assault rifle and zigzagging away. The krogan breathed a sigh of relief and focused on the fight.

...

" _Shitting sake Shep! You trying to kill us before the worm can?" Badger demanded as she narrowly avoided the burnt out remains of half a Grizzly that she swore hadn't been there a second ago despite the fact it must have been. Their's was the only IFV still moving after all._

" _Shut up and shoot the bastard!" She shouted back as the monster in question resurfaced a mere sixty metres away on their one o'clock and she sharply twisted the steering wheel to change direction._

" _Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? Any other advice?!"_

Nikki inhaled deeply, the familiar aroma of strawberry and chamomile tea helping to bring her back out of the memory. She stared blankly for a moment at the orange screen of her personal computer and the half typed mission report for Alliance brass. She still couldn't believe they'd gotten through today without a single casualty. No deaths and not even any injuries. She wasn't sure she'd ever read a report of a thresher attack with less than two deaths in it. Of course she'd never got to read any krogan after action reports, maybe that's all it took to have success. The secret anti-thresher weapon galactic civilizations had been trying to develop for centuries. She took a sip of tea, dimly noting how the previously scorching liquid was now only lukewarm as she read back what she'd written so far.

" _This one's had it too." The mechanic kicked frustratedly at what on first glance had been one of the more promising looking vehicles. "Fuck, I don't know if I can fix any of these."_

" _Hey you can fix anything." Badger encouraged her and she scoffed, running a hand through her short hair._

" _Sure, give me a couple weeks and a proper workshop maybe, but here? Now?" She sighed deeply. "The gun's good at least. Strip it off and when I find something I can make move we'll jury rig it on, solve that problem with cooling times we had earlier." Badger nodded as she let her eyes roam across the battlefield, finally landing on a vehicle on the outer limits of the valley floor. "I'm gonna check that one out. Radio if you need me."_

The tea was definitely cold now as Shepard took another sip and she debated whether or not to get a fresh cup. It didn't seem to be as effective as usual but maybe a different flavour would work.

She should be glad, proud even, of her squad's success today. Certainly there was a celebratory mood among the rest of the ground team, one that seemed to have infected large chunks of the ship side crew as well. She could hardly blame them. They'd emerged victorious against an enemy that routinely destroyed forces ten times bigger than them and with centuries more experience. Escaped unscathed from the jaws of nearly certain death. It was the simple joy of being alive. She should feel good about beating the old foe so decisively. Instead her mind kept drifting back to her first encounter with the monsters. _If it had been that easy today why couldn't she save anybody last time?_

Logically and rationally she knew the answer of course, but that didn't stop the maudlin feeling that had overcome her. She'd cited paperwork as an excuse to seclude herself in her cabin, not wanting to put a dampener on everyone else's well deserved frivolities, but truthfully she wasn't getting very far with it.

She couldn't go back outside though, not yet. Someone was bound to notice her despondent attitude and she really didn't feel like talking. Not to anybody aboard ship any way. Her hand hovered over her omni-tool and she found herself subconsciously speed dialing the only person she didn't want to shut out right now.

"Hngh, Nick? You alright?" A bleary looking Trish answered the call and Shepard mentally cursed herself for not checking the time before calling.

"Yeah I'm alright. Sorry, didn't mean to wake you. What time is it over there?" Trish glanced around the room in all directions before declaring:

"Dark. It's dark time." Nikki couldn't help chuckling, apparently her genius girlfriend was too tired to remember that the omni-tool they were communicating with also had a clock function.

"Go back to sleep babe, I'll call you when it's light time." Trish nodded, curling back up under the duvet.

"Night Nick, love you."

"Love you too babe." She disconnected the call, the momentary lightness in her chest fading the moment she glanced back at her desk and she sighed. She really needed to finish that damned report. Before she could unlock the timed out screen however her omni-tool vibrated on her wrist and she looked down to see an incoming vid call. She hit the accept button.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Trish still looked tired, messy bed hair only one of many indicators, but her eyes were slightly more alert and it was evident her brain had just woken up.

"Nothing, it's alright. I just forgot to check the time. We can talk later, get some rest." Trish shook her head, disbelievingly.

" **You** don't 'just' forget things like that unless something's on your mind. Look I'm awake now sweetie. Either you can talk to me about whatever you needed to call me about, or I lay awake the rest of the night anyway, overthinking everything it could possibly be."

"Sorry. It's... My brain's just being stupid again is all. I wanted a distraction. Don't think I'm going to get any sleep tonight."

"Want me to sing you a lullaby? Read a bedtime story." There was a slight teasing tone in Trish's voice but it wasn't anything malicious and Nick got the feeling if she said yes her girlfriend probably would. Not that Nikki ever _would_ say yes. She might act like a kid sometimes but that didn't mean she wanted to be treated like one. The offer still warmed her heart though.

"Correction, I don't think I _**want**_ to get any sleep tonight." Trish, bless her, immediately got the distinction.

"You got any kind of preference for what kind of distraction you want?" Nick shrugged.

"I hadn't thought that far ahead... Anything interesting happening back home?" There were a few things. Some of them not mentionable enough to serve as a distraction and others that would just piss the soldier off for one reason or another. Trish took a second to decide on the best topic.

"Hmm, Ben's got a new girlfriend. Well... old girlfriend. Do you remember Chantel?"

"Chantel, Chantel..." Nikki had to think about it. "I swear he's had more girlfriends since we moved in than I've had promotions in my whole life. Was that the blond or the red head?"

"The blond."

"Really? The man's an idiot! I honestly don't know what he sees in her."

"I can think of a couple of things." Trish said suggestively and Nikki snorted.

"The only thing faker than her tits is her personality."

"Now that's not very nice." Trish stated, although she didn't sound particularly upset.

"Hang on, isn't she the one who dumped him because he wouldn't give up all his friends and hobbies?"

"Maybe she's finally matured."

"Yeah right, she was a piece of work. I bet she's gone right past mature and straight into mouldy! What time is it over there? I should ring Ben up, tell him he's an idiot." Trish didn't bother answering the question. Even though her partner was grumbling she knew that (mad as it sounded) it was the right kind of grumbling.

"You can't just wish them luck and happiness?"

"Hey I wish Ben all the happiness he can get, but I'm afraid I can't wish that cow anything more than a quick death."

"A quick death? That's _**really**_ the best you can wish her? You can't wish her a happy birthday or something?"

"Hmm, I don't know... maybe leprosy?" They shared a chuckle despite the inappropriateness of the joke.

"So I guess this means you don't want me leaving Judy at Ben's house if I have to go on business trips anymore then?"

"I don't know, reckon we can train Jude to bite anything with a high silicone content?"

" **Nikki!** " Trish vehemently protested the idea until curiosity got the better of her. "How would we even do that?"

"I don't know, give me a couple minutes, I'm sure I'll think of something." Trish smiled as her partner started describing increasingly convoluted and dastardly plans. She was tired, she knew she'd struggle to get through work later today and she still had no idea what exactly triggered the need for this call in the first place, but despite all that she didn't regret or begrudge it for a moment.


	50. Interviews & Inspections

Nikki had thought Alenko and William's reaction to their first look at the Citadel and its fleets had been impressive, but it was nothing compared to Tali. Of course the young quarian had been _**on**_ the giant space station that made up the heart of galactic civilization before, but the first time she'd made the approach she had been paying off her passage by working away below decks and never actually _**seen**_ it.

Shepard hadn't said anything when she found out that little tidbit of information, simply made herself a silent promise. Oh, and checked with Adams to make sure he didn't assign Miss Zorah to any vital duties during the approach. The poor quarian didn't know what to expect when the commander's voice rang out over comms, ordering her to 'get your ass out of engineering and report to the bridge on the double!' Tali had appeared slightly out of breath and a little worried but Shepard had simply motioned to the cockpit window and instructed:

"Take a look." There was a moment of awed silence before an excited garble of Khelish rushed out, too fast for the Alliance translators to work. Nikki just laughed as she shared a glance with Joker. "I'm gonna assume that's good."

"It's... That's... _Keelah_..." Tali trailed off again, seemingly not knowing where to look, head tilting in all directions trying to follow the various ships passing by outside.

"I think you broke her." Joker quipped.

"Hmm, I think so too." Shepard mused when the quarian didn't respond. They smirked at each other before leaving Tali to her wonderment and concentrating on getting clearance to land from Citadel flight control. As Joker started his approach run, Shepard noticed something different to usual about their designated bay. Her fingers flew across the haptic interface, an eyebrow rising of its own accord as she accessed the camera feeds to get a closer look at their welcoming committee. "Isn't that..."

" **Shit!** " The two Alliance officers synchronised as the image of the man waiting for them became clear. Tali's startled 'what?' was ignored as the commander activated the ship wide comm system.

"All hands prepare for inspection, we've got the B.O.B inbound. I repeat, Bear of Bodom inbound." The ship broke into organised chaos as people scrambled to bring dozens of tiny extra details that were deigned relatively insignificant on a combat ready ship back in line with the more stringent regulations expected when in the vicinity of the Alliance brass. Shepard was only half joking when she asked: "I suppose it's too late to fake engine failure and emergency land in a different bay?"

"Afraid so."

"Thought as much... At least set the decontamination protocols in the airlock to max, that should give us a bit more time. I'll go out and greet him the moment we dock." Nikki sighed as she cast a critical eye over her uniform, making sure her insignia was straight. "Typical, the _one_ day I'm not wearing my blues." There was a snort from the pilot beside her.

"Uh Commander? You hardly ever wear your blues."

"I do too." Joker didn't look convinced.

"When was the last time you wore dress uniform?" Nikki actually had to stop and think a moment.

"Anderson made me wear it for the meeting with the Ambassador." The pilot smirked victoriously. "What? Have you _tried_ quick changing into combat armour from dress blues? The no.4 uniform is so much more practical. Oh, stop it before I write you up for something. That grin's _**got**_ to be against regulations."

...

"Well that wasn't so bad." Shepard opined as they watched the departing elevator carry Rear Admiral Mikhailovich away from their presence and waited on the next one. Her comrades looked positively shocked by her assessment and erupted into expressions of their dissent.

"You're kidding?!"

"He asked if you knew what colour your blood ran?"

"How can you stand that? He ripped your whole ship to shreds."

"No he didn't. Not one complaint about cleanliness or discipline or any infractions of the regs. Well, other than checking whether or not Joker had permission to stop shaving. Instead he criticizes the layout of the CIC. What does he want me to say? 'Yes Sir, terrible that Sir, I'll rip out the entirety of the CIC and overhaul her to an Alliance layout right away Sir'." She'd been polite and professional, refusing to rise to the Admiral's baiting throughout the inspection, but now he was gone she finally gave voice to her frustration and sarcasm. There were chuckles from the civilian crew members but the Alliance squadmates and hierarchy trained turian managed to repress their signs of amusement down to a twitch of the lips and mandibles respectively. "That'll be a fine use of Alliance funds that will, scrapping a brand new and perfectly functionary frigate that cost as much as a heavy cruiser. He's just upset he can't get his own paws, claws, 'whatever' on the Normandy. As for my blood... It happens to be red. Same colour as quarians and batarians."

"And humanity wonders where their reputation as bullies comes from. Are all Alliance admirals that bigoted?" Liara asked as the elevator finally arrived and they all squeezed inside.

"No. Drescher and Hackett are both good and I've heard decent things about Kahoku. Never met Lindholm or Singh, so don't know about them. Ahern's got something of a grudge against turians but he has more cause than most and even he understands the benefits of a professional working relationship and is willing to train beside them and admit when they get something right." Shepard trailed off as the lift reached their departure point, internally groaning as she caught sight of a camera drone on the other side of the doors.

"Really? I am _so_ not in the mood for this right now. Alright, everyone dismissed. Get away while you still can. No point us all wasting our shore leave. If you don't hear from me in fifteen minutes please, for the love of all that is holy, someone call me with an emergency."

"Commander Shepard, Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News." The cry came as soon as the elevator door opened, the camera swooping towards her. "Would you answer a few questions for our viewers?" _I'd rather chew my own arm off,_ she thought bitterly as the rest of the team followed her instructions and discreetly scarpered.

Unfortunately the flashing light indicated the camera was already recording so she had little choice but to stand at ease and call up the same parade ground patience she'd had to use when dealing with Mikhailovich earlier. Although this time she had the added disadvantage of having to ignore the inappropriate part of her brain singing 'Kidnap the Sandy Claws' in the background. The song having become the marine corp's unofficial theme tune for all Westerlund News employees after they not only swallowed, but also broadcast, the fake news story about Elanos Haliat. The reporter however had already begun her interview.

"Humans have been trying to get the respect of the galactic community for 26 years, with that in mind what are your feelings on being the first human spectre?" _I wish I was the second! I just want to get on with my job without all the damn press attention. I miss being able to just answer all your questions with the phrase 'no comment'._

"The spectre's represent the best of every species in the galaxy," _except Saren of course, he's scum. Deeply talented and lethal scum who shouldn't be underestimated, but scum none the less._ "Being asked to join them is an honour." The questions came thick and fast and while she tried to answer as professionally and diplomatically as possible, once she noticed how leading and borderline xenophobic the questions were getting, her sarcasm started to bleed through.

"Do you think it was appropriate to hand Earth's most advanced warship over to the Citadel?" _Arcturus's most advanced ship actually, her home port is registered as Arcturus, not Earth._

"I know the citadel lifts are slow but when I left her on the docks a moment ago I wasn't aware my ship had been handed over to anyone. **I'm** in command and last I checked I'm human, same goes for my crew."

"But you **do** have non-humans onboard, if the council can dictate who you have onboard-" _Kidnap the Sandy Claws, throw him in a box._

"Correction, the council made no such demands. Yes there are civilian contractors aboard the Normandy and yes some of them are non-human, but I'm the one who made that decision, not the council, and I stand by that decision."

"But surely you can understand the security concerns-"

"I do. Better in fact I'd wager, than those members of the press who continuously insist on revealing classified information about ongoing missions, needlessly endangering the lives of the men and women still engaged on those operations. As it stands I've vetted every individual who's joined my ship since I took command and we still have security procedures in place. What you seem to fail to realise is that the Normandy was actually co-developed by the turians, she was always supposed to be a cross-species initiative from the very beginning. We even have the three seashells in the toilets."

"So you're saying the turian hierarchy has details of the Normandy that isn't available to the public?" _Well duh, they're our military allies and the public are civilians! Surely the squad's got to call an emergency through soon. Why can't someone start a fight in the middle of C-Sec right now? Fists, knifes, guns... possible bomb scare... I'm not fussy._

...

"So, do all Alliance ships have the three seashells in the bathroom or is it just yours?" Trish inquired cheerfully as the video connection popped up on her omni-tool and naturally Nikki groaned.

"I can't believe I let her get under my skin."

"Hey, _ **I**_ enjoyed it! It's been the highlight of my day so far."

"How was that only this morning? It feels so long ago." Trish had had a whole list of comments and teases ready in response to Nikki's interview with Westerlund News but it was increasingly obvious to her that something was wrong. Nicola seemed... drained.

"Long day?"

"You have no idea. At one point I even found myself playing mediator between a C-Sec officer and a hanar preacher who didn't have a permit." Trish chuckled.

"Wish I could have seen that."

"Sorry, wasn't wearing my helmet cam around the Presidium. Would've looked stupid wearing a combat helmet with clothes."

"Like you ever cared what people think about your dress sense... There's something else bothering you as well isn't there? If it's something you can't talk about I understand, but I know it's not hanar preachers that has you looking so down." Nick sighed, giving the slightest dip of her head in acknowledgement. There was a long pause before she finally looked back up and asked:

"Do you remember the Jacksons? Back on Mindoir I mean." Trish barely hid her frown of confusion, unsure where this random inquiry was coming from or where the conversation was going.

"Yeah, they had the best sweetshop in all of Jemison." Nikki smiled but it was clearly forced.

"Yeah they did... You remember their daughter Talitha? She was always hanging around with Kev's friends, even though she was younger."

"Tals? Bubbly little thing. Always throwing out double dares, then when she got into trouble for doing something she wasn't supposed to it was all _'but I had to mum, it was a dare'_. Right little handful she was."

"Yeah she was." The spectre's voice was soft and sorrowful and Trish wished she could reach through the screen and give her a hug.

"What happened Nick?"

"I got a request this afternoon to come help at the docks, all I got told was a recently rescued slave was loose with a gun and they weren't sure what she was going to do. They believed she was from Mindoir so they thought I might be able to talk to her." There was a deep sigh. "I didn't even recognise her Trish. We talked for ages until I got her to say her name and I never suspected..."

"I'm hardly surprised Nick, it's been 13 years and she was only little when you saw her last." As soon as she said it Trish realised that probably wasn't as comforting as she'd hoped.

"Yeah I know, but... it was like there was nothing left of her. That spark of life and energy, her whole personality, it was just gone. She was so broken and I..." The spectre's voice caught for a second. "I'm not naive Trish, I've liberated plenty of slaves in my time, I know the kind of horrors they've been through. But this is the first time I found anyone from Mindoir, it just... It brought it home, you know? That could have been me."

"But it wasn't." Trish tried to reassure.

"I know, but it _could've_ been... You know, Talitha didn't believe I was there? I couldn't be because I wasn't broken. How do you respond to something like that? How do you admit to someone that while they were watching their parents melt trying to protect them, you were hiding in a damn cave like a coward!?"

"Nikki... You were sixteen, there was nothing you could have done. It might not have been brave but it was smart. If you'd have fought you would be dead or enslaved and I for one am glad you're alive. I suspect a lot of the people you've helped over the years are glad too."

"Yeah I suppose so..." While she wanted to be beside her marine to comfort and support her, the fact remained that she wasn't. So Trish did the next best thing, she glared. "Alright, alright I _**know**_ so!"

"Better." Trish rewarded, but before she could say anything else her girlfriend interrupted.

"I've got to go. Your uncle's on the other line." There was no need to query which uncle. "Probably going to give me a bollocking over that interview."

"Hey, Uncle Steve has a sense of humour you know. I reckon he probably would've enjoyed it."

"Unfortunately whether or not Uncle Steve enjoyed it is irrelevant. Admiral Hackett will still have to give me a bollocking."

"Alright, I'll let you go. But Nikki? Call me back later... I'm not done cheering you back up." The soldier gifted her a smile and a mock salute before terminating the call, taking a grand total of three seconds to school her features and hide her emotions behind a mask of professionalism before accepting the other call.

"Admiral, what can I do for you Sir?"

...

 **Author's note:** I have no idea how the three seashells work, it's a Demolition Man reference and I just figured some species are likely to do things differently to humans. As for the Westerlund News theme song that's a continuation of a throwaway line in chapter 41. Just as I heads up it might be a little while before the next update. This is my only day off this week then I go off on holiday to a place without my computer and rather spotty internet, then the moment I'm back I have a full week straight at work, so don't panic this story won't be left abandoned. Hopefully you'll get another update before September, but if not then before the first whole week in September is over.


	51. Chapter 51

"Commander, you wanted..." Admiral Hackett started as soon as his call was accepted before trailing off as his brain processed both the fact that she hadn't saluted and the reason why. "Are you alright?"

"Hmm? Oh this! Yes Sir, it's fine. Admiral Ahern's certainly not lost his touch." _Just his retirement home_. In hindsight she would admit she'd been unnecessarily reckless when running the ground team through the intensive combat scenarios on Pinnacle Station. Of course the galaxy was far too big to fly around without a destination in mind just on the off chance of running into something important, and so the decision had been made to spend some time on the state of the art training facility while they waited for leads on Saren's location. It had undoubtedly been hugely beneficial, especially for Tali and Liara who had recently asked if she could join the squad. There were only so many scenarios they could run in the Normandy's cargo hold after all and Shepard didn't want to rely on on-the-job training in a combat situation. However it probably would have been wise to take breaks in between the simulations, even if it was just for an hour or so. After all she made sure her subordinates didn't do more than two run throughs in a row, yet every time she beat a scenario she marched straight up to Tech officer Ochren and asked the salarian to load her another one, turning round and jumping straight back in with some fresh team mates. Her body was aching, brain buzzing and it reminded her slightly of Hell week at the Villa, although not as intense. It was strange how you could end up missing something so hated, but it had been a long time since she found a training program capable of pushing her and she was enjoying herself. Even an N7's body had a breaking point however and her saluting arm had found its limit. "I'm currently on light duty but the cast's due off in a couple of hours and Doctor Chakwas is confident I'll be fit for combat by the morning. Modern medicine's a wonderful thing." Her eye's suddenly narrowed. "Whatever you do, do **not** tell Trish... uh, please... Sir."

"Spectre order?" Normally Hackett wouldn't tolerate such behaviour from a subordinate over military comms, not even from Nikki. However he knew his niece took after her mother and could well imagine the fallout should either of them find out. Besides, as a spectre Shepard was technically outside the normal chain of command now. In fact theoretically she was now entitled to order _him_ (or anybody else inside Council space) around, providing it was a necessary part of her mission and didn't involve treasonous actions. Despite the politicians pushing for this for years, the Alliance military was still getting its head around how exactly the new relationship was supposed to work.

"Yeah, spectre order." The youngster smiled her thanks at him for providing a way out before becoming fully professional again. "So Admiral, what can I do for you? I'm guessing you didn't call up just to enquire about my health."

"No I didn't. You wanted to know the moment we got any intel on the geth? Well, I'm getting reports of a geth presence in the Armstrong Cluster. Surveillance drones have identified outposts on Maji, Casbin, Antibaar and Rayingri-" The professionalism slipped with a groan.

"You did **not** just say Antibaar?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Can't you call the Villa? See if they can bring forward the next cold weather training course?"

"Do you have a problem with Antibaar Shepard?"

"You **know** I have a problem with Antibaar Sir. I lost a toe on Antibaar. Trish threatened to kill me when I got back!"

"Sorry Commander, that's where the geth are."

"Fine, I'll check it out Sir. But if I get frostbite again I'm telling Trish it's your fault."

"I'm going to put this conversation down to the side effects of pain medication and suggest if anything does go wrong you blame it on the geth, not me."

"That sounds like a much better plan Sir. Ok, forward me everything you've got on the situation and I'll get right on it."

...

Antibaar had just been the start. After reducing the geth there to scrap metal (and warming back up with soup and a shower once onboard the Normandy) they went on a spree across the entire cluster. There were outposts on at least one planet in every star system just like Hackett said. They even found one base that Alliance intel hadn't known about on Solcrum, a small moon in the Grissom system. Barely five minutes had passed since the shooting ended, the team waiting for Tali to finish data mining the outpost's terminals as Shepard and Garrus fiddled around curiously with a screwdriver inside the remains of a geth juggernaut while discussing with Wrex and Liara just _why_ geth would need to store information on terminals when they were practically just walking computers themselves? Their increasingly outlandish theories were interrupted when Joker's voice came over the comm, informing her Hackett was trying to get in touch once more and she got him to patch the audio through.

"Commander, good work clearing out those outposts. The intelligence you've been recovering is already proving invaluable." _Why do I sense there's a 'but' coming?_ "However it looks like we were right about them using Armstrong as a staging ground, there's already reports of geth in the Attican Beta, we think they're planning an attack on Feros. I'm diverting elements of the 52nd flotilla to patrol the area but you're closer."

"I'll swing by Sir. Keep an eye on things until the 52nd get there."

"Thank you Commander, I appreciate it. Hackett out."

...

"Hmm, about time I heard from you. Do I even want to know what've you been up to?" Trish queried as she answered the call. They had been out of contact for about a week and a half and it had been even longer since they'd had a chance for either a video or audio call.

"You mean you don't already know? I was going to ask you, you always seem to know where I am and what I'm doing before me." Nikki teased.

"Not this time I'm afraid, I kind of have to rely on news reports or other people posting on the extranet to know what's going on and I've not heard anything all week."

"And I thought my little stalker spy knew everything. Well, if you really want to know... for the last two days I've been on an undisclosed planet sponsored by a large corporation, who must unfortunately remain nameless, who decided to do something bad that I can't talk about. They probably would have continued doing something bad without anyone becoming any the wiser if the geth hadn't shown up on said planet with me in hot pursuit and having to put an end to it. Just trust me when I say fighting geth was the _**nice**_ part of the mission."

"Sounds exhausting."

"Yeah kind of." The N7 hesitated a moment, the mind controlled slaves, asari clones, weird humanoid creeper things and ancient sentient plant had all been bad enough, but even if she could talk about them they wouldn't be as nerve wracking to explain as what she was about to discuss. "Something else happened too. I'm not entirely convinced I'm allowed to talk about it, but I'm not willing to hide it from you either. Just... let me explain and answer any questions you've got before you explode about it please?" That wasn't exactly a promising start to a conversation but Trish nodded, slightly worried.

"Okay."

"You remember back in N-school when I did the advanced SERE training and there was all that stuff about different types of asari meld and how they can share information..." Trish did. She hadn't been there of course, but Nikki had sat her down when she got back and insisted on a 'full disclosure' conversation about how she'd had to have an asari in her head for work. It had been a rather awkward discussion and as the N7 continued to babble in a large circle around the topic without ever quite making it to the point, Trish realised where this was going.

"You melded with an asari." Her tone was certain but not harsh, Nikki still almost flinched.

"Yeah... Just a knowledge meld mind you... but yeah."

"Was it with Liara?" Admittedly that time Trish's voice was a fraction sharper, she was pretty sure the archeologist had a crush on her girlfriend, even if she doubted Nikki had noticed. It had never really bothered her before because she trusted the spectre to be loyal. It was a little different to think about said person going inside her partner's head though.

"No, it was one of Matriarch Benezia's acolytes." That certainly wasn't the answer she'd expected and for a moment the civilian was rendered speechless before recovering enough to enquire:

"Are you _sure_ that's wise? Letting the ally of an enemy inside your head."

"Probably not. It _**was**_ necessary though babe. I needed... some information she had access to."

"And you couldn't just ask her? Talk it over?"

"Not really. It's... complicated." Shepard silently debated with herself a moment before sighing as she made her decision. "...You remember that beacon on Eden Prime? It put... stuff in my head. Some kind of warning, except I couldn't understand it because it was all in bloody prothean. Shiala had access to a... well everyone else is calling it a cipher. Supposed to help me understand the visions."

"And is it working?" Trish was amazed how calm her voice sounded as she processed her partner's words and situation.

"Not entirely. Bits of it are starting to make sense, but I got the mother of all headaches right now. Shiala reckons it'll take a bit of time to adjust, for the knowledge to sort of settle in and start working, I'm afraid I really don't understand it babe. Anyway once Liara found out I know not all melds are about sex she started trying to get inside my head too." Trish involuntarily stiffened.

"You let her?"

"No! Not yet anyway."

"Not _**yet**_? As in you're planning to?"

"I think I might end up having to. She's the prothean expert, maybe she can make sense of all this mess."

"I thought you said you had the cipher now?"

"Well yeah but..." She trailed off with a sigh. "I'd explain if I could Trish but you know I don't understand the technical stuff... It's like... The beacon stored information right?" The civilian nodded, she'd worked that much out on her own. "Imagine that information as like those old fashioned paper books, a whole library full. When the beacon was destroyed that library blew up and the pages got loose and all muddled up in the explosion and a lot of them landed in... lets say a bucket. Like a really, really big bucket that can hold a lot of pages. And they didn't just float gently in they really got squished in to get as many pages as possible inside and... this really wasn't the best metaphor..."

"Your head's the bucket right?" Trish clarified.

"Right. And all the books were written in Prothean, so now I've got the cipher I can read the words but the pages are still all messed up. They're all in the wrong order and some were lost in the explosion and others are from different books completely so I still can't make proper sense of it all."

"And you think Liara can help? Use her prothean expertise to provide a sense of context and reshuffle the pages, or at least provide an index or something."

"I don't know babe, I hope so, but I really don't know. At this point it's got to be worth a try. Doctor Chakwas can supervise if you're worried about the whole meld thing-"

"I trust you Nick." The civilian interrupted. "It's just a little weird thinking about someone else going inside your head."

"You're telling me." The N7 chuckled grimly. "Villa taught me to keep the buggers out and make sure I keep classified intel safe if they do get in. Not roll out the welcome mat and show them what's what." Trish could hear the faint bitterness in her partner's voice.

"Forget about me a moment sweetheart, are _you_ ok with this?"

"I don't know, it's kinda weird. Not really got many choices though. Saren's already got the cipher and the beacon wasn't destroyed when he interfaced with it so he can probably flick through all the books at his leisure without having to reconstruct them first. I'm ten steps behind at every turn and all I know for sure is the galaxy's screwed if he finds this conduit thing first."

"Then you know what you've got to do. I might not particularly like this sweetie, god knows if there was any other way I'd want you to take it... but if there isn't... I'm not willing to see the galaxy in flames just because I was too jealous or prudish to let you do what needed to be done."

"You a prude? That'll be the day." The spectre snorted in disbelief, mind briefly drifting to some of the things her partner made her do over the years. "I can't believe I'm seriously considering _letting_ an asari poke about in my brain, it goes against all my training. Still... Suppose it's better than a salarian, they'd be using a scalpel."


	52. Bermuda Triangle

Kaiden was confused about his commanding officer. He knew he had a crush on her, there was no doubt about that. In fact it was probably a good thing she didn't wear her dress blues around the ship as much as she was supposed to, the one time Anderson had ordered her to wear them Kaiden's brain had nearly short circuited, his mouth issuing a compliment completely of its own violation and without permission from the rest of him.

He had fully expected a reprimand for that, but instead the commander had chuckled, winking as she responded: _'Thanks, you scrub up well yourself Lieutenant'_. Anderson had simply shook his head, walking away with an _'I give up'_. What the captain gave up with Kaiden didn't know and didn't dare ask but it had been the start of their light, playful conversations.

He'd always been a bit of a loner, his migraine's keeping him away from the more boisterous parts of the mess, but he liked to think he was reasonably well respected by both his superiors and subordinates alike. His friends group may be small but there weren't that many people in his career who he hadn't been able to get along with. He'd never had a CO quite as approachable as Shepard though, seemingly so casual and laid back. He'd even started telling her stuff about his past that he'd never told anyone before. No, there wasn't any doubt he was falling for her. What he couldn't work out however, was whether or not the feeling was mutual.

It was far too risky to come straight out and ask his superior officer of course, but he'd tried to gauge a response from more innocent questions. He asked if she got this informal with everyone and she'd answered 'yes, but I don't enjoy it with everyone'. How was he supposed to interpret that? Then one day Williams had excitedly pulled him aside to tell him Shepard had approached her in the cargo hold and asked outright if the chief had any intentions on him. He wasn't a fan of scuttlebutt, but the way Ash told it made it sound as if the spectre was checking the path was clear for herself or warning the other woman off or something. Mind you, you never knew whether or not you could trust lower deck rumours, there were more than a few about their CO and the asari.

Of course you'd have to be blind not to notice Liara's infatuation with the commander, but whether or not the feelings were reciprocated Kaiden was less sure about. Shepard certainly hadn't shot the asari's advances down, and she was always going into the small private room behind the med bay, who knew what they were up to in there?

Maybe he should just follow the commander's lead and ask outright if she was interested in him. He'd have to find out soon, he was finding it harder and harder each day to concentrate and distractions could be deadly in their line of work. If Shepard truly wasn't interested in him then it would hurt, but he'd get over it. Surely it had to be better than this horrible limbo of not knowing.

...

If Liara was being honest she'd have to admit that secretly she'd always wanted to meld with Shepard. _Not like_ _ **that**_ _of course!_ Just to be able to see the visions from the prothean beacon herself. The commander had warned her they weren't particularly pleasant but she was morbidly curious and it certainly wasn't the graphic content that had prevented her from asking before.

No, it was the risk of creating a misunderstanding.

Far too many aliens thought of her species as being overly promiscuous. They associated the meld with sex and didn't understand that there were different types. She did try to discuss it during one of their talks about asari culture, but she became flustered and while she managed to answer all of Shepard's questions, when the door slid shut behind the human at the end of the visit she suddenly realised they hadn't covered any of the information she'd hoped to impart. How was one supposed to ask a human to share minds together without them thinking she was asking them to do _'_ _ **that**_ _'_?

Especially when there was a tiny grain deep down inside that she barely acknowledged, even to herself, that was rapidly growing ever more curious about what _'that'_ would be like with the commander. The thought was somewhat scary and definitely nerve-wracking but not entirely unappealing. Quite the reverse in fact.

Liara knew the humans called people like her 'virgins', but she still couldn't work out whether the term was supposed to be good or bad. In human stories they had a habit of being sacrificed to gods or offered as the preferred food choice of monsters, which kind of made it sound like you'd be better off not being one, but then they were also rescued by handsome princes and dashing heroes, getting to live happily ever after. Although there was never much explanation about what happily ever after actually entailed except that they got to be with the hero.

Shepard was certainly a hero. The commander had saved her life the first time they met. She was kind and brave and goddess that smile... All of which was beside the point. She'd been touched by a prothean beacon and the strength of mind to not only **not** become a gibbering wreck, but also to keep going with such a high intensity mission was amazing. _**Everything**_ about the woman was amazing.

Of course Shepard hadn't been _completely_ unaffected by the beacon. Liara had overheard a few conversations she probably shouldn't have while in her room behind the med bay. The commander not only confiding in Doctor Chakwas, but also requesting the older woman keep an eye on her. Liara almost volunteered her services then and there but she was still wary of triggering a misunderstanding. Not to mention the potential fury from the commander learning she'd been eavesdropping on confidential conversations. She couldn't bring herself to do it.

It wasn't until after Feros, the unexplainable spark of jealousy that ignited in her when Shiala melded with Shepard and the confirmation that the commander knew about knowledge melds, that she was finally able to find the courage to ask. And now finally, several days later, they were sat together in the med bay, Doctor Chakwas unobtrusively keeping an eye on their vital signs from a monitor in the corner. Shepard still seemed a little uneasy so Liara did her best to hide her excitement and eagerness as she prepared herself.

"Embrace eternity."

The inside of Shepard's head wasn't like anything Liara had expected. She might be a virgin but she'd had experience with knowledge melds, she **was** an asari after all. Normally the exchanging of information took place in either a relaxed or professional environment, a mental parlour or drawing room, an office or board room. Of course she knew that non-asari weren't used to creating such fabrications in their minds, having no previous need for the skill and had been told by more experienced asari that alien minds were often chaotic, unorganized. Shepard's mind was none of these. She found herself standing in what reminded her of a police interrogation room, not that she'd ever been in one of course, just seen them in vids.

Her confusion and slight apprehension must have bled through because the commander shrugged in that human gesture of apology before attempting a rough mimicry of the asari gesture of trust, openness and nothing to hide. It wasn't quite right but Liara appreciated the effort, even as she worked to regain control of what thoughts and emotions she let through the meld. She certainly didn't want anything embarrassing to slip through.

"Sorry about the decor, I'm not used to welcoming people in here and I'd rather keep the mental energy needed to create a room from scratch in reserve for later. Trust me, this is much nicer than the other room they left me with." The words came through clearly but with no emotion attached and Liara tried to do the same, hiding the rising horror as she processed the words. If someone had left something in the commander's head they would have to be asari and if this was the nicer of the two rooms then-

"You were meld tortured?!" It would certainly explain why the commander had been hesitant to agree to a meld and wanted the doctor present. She shrugged again, but this time it wasn't apologetically.

"More like given a demonstration of what it's like to be meld tortured and taught to build mental defenses. They had both asari and human shrinks present to make sure we didn't get permanently fucked up. In fact it was the most supervised module in the whole course. Anyway it was all about repressing and protecting information, they never taught us that trick you asari have for summoning a particular memory in order to share it. I'm afraid we're going to have to walk."

With that the commander stood and headed for the door, Liara followed her, gasping in surprise when it opened directly out on to the edge of a cliff face, waves crashing violently far below, a small island with a fortress on it barely visible in the distance through the storm.

"We have to get over there?"

"That's certainly what it looks like." Shepard agreed solemnly before smirking and pulling her to the side around the door for the interrogation room. _**Just**_ the door. For some reason there didn't appear to be a wall on the outside. "Come on, I left myself an easier way." With that she rooted around on the ground finally finding a hidden trap door and lifting it up, gesturing for Liara to proceed her down the ladder. Once her feet touched the floor at the bottom the asari looked around to find herself in twisting catacombs that seemed only too easy to get lost in.

"This way." The human led her confidently through the tunnels and soon they started passing doors on either side. At first glance they were stout but basic heavy wooden doors but as soon as Liara looked specifically at one then locks would slam visibly into place. While clearly a defensive measure, she wasn't sure if the commander was consciously doing it or if it was subconscious. After what felt like an eternity they stopped outside a door that looked identical to all the others they'd passed. Shepard pulled a large jangle of keys out of nowhere, unlocking several padlocks and the main lock of the door itself before vanishing the keys, typing out a long string of numbers in the keypad and stepping up to a retina scanner. Liara held her breath in anticipation as the door finally creaked open only to be disappointed by the seemingly empty room, another door on the far side.

"Last chance to change your mind. There's no unseeing this and it's rather horrifying." The commander warned once more, but Liara had come too far to turn back now, her passion for the protheans and thirst for knowledge far out weighing any lingering safety concerns.

"I'm certain, I'm ready." Shepard nodded with a sharp exhale, rolling her head and shoulders as if to psyche herself up before slamming her palm against the final door, it faded away, allowing Liara the faintest glimpse of prothean technology that she assumed must have been the Eden Prime beacon before she was enveloped by the vision itself.

...

"How did it go?" Kaiden asked as the doctor left the med bay, the commander still inside with Liara.

"You'd have to ask them." She responded rather unhelpfully. "Physically they're fine, just a little tired. You can go in and see them if you want." Kaiden nodded as the woman made her way to the kettle and drew up his courage. This probably wasn't the best time to do this but they were together and away from the prying eyes and ears of the crew, if he was to do this it needed to be now before he lost his bottle and changed his mind. He quickly crossed the mess hall in long, easy strides, the med bay door swishing automatically open as he approached. The eyes of both occupants jumping to him.

"Commander we need to talk." Shepard nodded and Liara slid off the bed she was sitting on in order to leave but Kaiden quickly forestalled her retreat: "The three of us."

...

"I'm sorry Commander but you need to make a choice, me or- **Stop laughing Trish, it's not funny!** " Nikki buried her face in her hands with a groan, unable to even look her partner in the eye over the vid screen.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but it's hilarious! Not just one, but two people, falling over themselves to get at you and you didn't notice a thing. You're hopeless! Even _**I**_ noticed the asari was crushing on you big time and all I ever saw was news reports."

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"What, I trust you. I knew you wouldn't cheat on me so why bring it up and risk looking jealous? I didn't want to make things awkward between you."

"Because **this** isn't awkward at all... How? How does this even happen? We have fraternization regs for a reason."

"Yeah... I'm _pretty_ sure this isn't the reason. Besides even you must be aware that's one of the most commonly broken regs around." Trish sassed before deciding to be nice and explain a few things to her idiot. "Look I wasn't there so I don't know for certain, but if I had to guess Nick, I'd say you were probably being your usual self." Nikki looked at her in confusion. "Charming, gorgeous, courteous, funny, caring... the list goes on. In fact I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often. You're always being hit on in the streets."

"I am?"

"Yes sweetie. Not so much at home because all the locals know you're mine, but elsewhere? All the damn time."

"Oh... Sorry."

"It's not exactly your fault. Well... other than looking too damn sexy for your own good, but I happen to like that."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Like what? If I was going to get jealous every time someone checked you out, I'd never be able to let you out the house. I mean sure it gets irritating but it's actually kind of nice sometimes, knowing all those people are interested in you and you never give them a second glance. Knowing you've only got eyes for me."

"I, uh... might be guilty of the odd stray glance." Nikki stated hesitantly, sounding for all the world like she was confessing to some horrendous act of infidelity and Trish rolled her eyes.

"Of course you are, I'd be worried if you _never_ looked at another woman. Plus it's kind of a requirement for when we play 'hot or not' while watching TV. _Speaking_ of women I've only ever seen on TV..." A faux innocence overcame Trish's voice that was in complete contrast to the look on her face and Nikki felt a surge of apprehension course through her. "Liara T'Soni... Hot or not?" The spectre groaned.

"We are _so_ not going there."

"So... you think she's hot?"

"No."

"So you think she's ugly?"

"No! Urgh, I hate you so much right now."

"Do you hate me enough to jump into the arms of another woman?" Trish continued teasing.

"No, and technically Liara's not a woman because asari are mono-gendered and-... that's so not the point right now!"

"Well if you want to get hung up on semantics, I'm sure there are plenty of women on your ship who'd be willing to step in."

"Don't be silly- Wait, you're not serious are you? You don't really think there are others do you?" Nikki's eyes went wide with panic at the thought, and even though she knew she should stop, Trish couldn't help pushing a little further.

"I expect so. I mean you didn't notice Kaiden and Liara and they were pretty obvious, who knows how many of your crew feel the same way."

"Do you think I should make a ship wide tannoy announcement that I'm unavailable?" For a split second the civilian was so tempted to say yes.

"That might not be the best idea." She conceded before the temptation became too much. "I mean... it's such an impersonal way to deal with such a sensitive issue and you could be triggering quite a lot of broken hearts. You'd be better off sitting them down one at a time in private to explain the situation. Have the doctor there in case they need someone to talk to." Nikki was eating it up, nodding her head as she made a mental note of her partner's suggestions. After all, Trish was much better at this sort of stuff than her. "Then film their reactions and send me the link." Nick groaned in sudden realisation.

"You are enjoying this **far** too much."

"Yep." Alice in Wonderland's Cheshire cat had nothing on Trish right now.

"You're never going to let me live this down are you?"

"Nope." There was a thud as the spectre's head hit the table.

"Please just kill me now."

...

 **Author's note:** Went a bit different on the meld, hope you didn't hate it too much, my inspiration for the idea of physical structures inside the meld probably came from 'Project Delta' by 5th Legion. I'm aware there's been a lot less Trish in recent chapters and I apologise for that, hopefully what there is has been enough, but I _am_ working on getting them together in the same place for a chapter or two.

I'm also strongly considering speeding through ME1's priority missions as quickly as possible after that so the impending end of the galaxy is resolved and I can let them spend some time together without feeling bad that Shepard's ignoring important plot points to spend time with the missus. We would then have any ME1 side missions that I want Nick to have to deal with happen between games, in that time frame where she feels the council are just giving her insignificant tasks instead of anything important, before one of those dull routine jobs ends up being the prologue for ME2 and cue when the story gets really interesting. Any way that's all in the future, hope you're all still enjoying.


	53. Chapter 53

"I shit you not, there I was..." Shepard tried focusing on the team's random chatter, hoping it would calm her down as she strode furiously through the Citadel. Their tales of past glories and hilarious misdeeds wasn't working however, she was **still** pissed off at Nassana Dantius, and rapidly running out of time before their scheduled meeting. It wasn't that she regretted killing Dhalia, that slaver scum got what she deserved, but she detested the way Nassana had manipulated her with the sob story of her sister being captured. All she had to do was say she knew the location of a slaver hideout and Nikki would have happily wiped them out. Instead they'd gone in under the assumption of it being a hostage rescue. The slight hesitation when Tali found the asari they thought they were supposed to be rescuing on the other end of a gun was enough for her to sustain a suit breach. If Doctor Chakwas hadn't had the foresight to stock up on dextro anti-biotics the side effects could have been much worse. If that had happened Shepard wouldn't even be attempting to calm down. As it was the quarian had only been returned to light duty yesterday.

A faint vibration on her wrist had Shepard glancing down, stopping suddenly, eyes darting round when she reached the end of the message [Now there's a sight for sore eyes. xXx]. The rest of the squad halted too, glancing suspiciously in all directions for whatever had caught their leader's attention. The corner of the spectre's mouth quirked upwards as she caught sight of a figure on the balcony of a nearby cafe.

"Wait here a moment, there's something I've got to check on." She ordered, walking off before calling back over her shoulder: "oh and you can relax, it's nothing bad." They watched her leave, glancing at each other in confusion, trying to decide what to do now. The uneasy silence was broken when Ash decided to voice the question on everybody's mind:

"Did the commander just... swagger?"

...

"Well now, someone's looking sexy today." Trish greeted, eyes roaming greedily as her partner walked across the cafe towards her.

"Hmm, that someone must be you." Nikki responded as she closed the gap and claimed a quick kiss. "Not that I'm complaining but what are you doing on the Citadel?"

"Work, very boring. There's some perks though, like they paid for my hotel. What about you?"

"Work, I'm wearing this so it must be boring." The soldier gestured down at her seldom worn dress blues as she sat down, their hands reaching for each other across the table, while their legs sought physical contact underneath. "Nobody provided me with a hotel though, they never do... I'm starting to think I'm in the wrong job." Trish chuckled dutifully.

"Well you can always come share mine for the afternoon?" The civilian offered suggestively. "I've not got anymore meetings until tomorrow."

"Tempting though that is, and believe me I'd like nothing better, I'm afraid _**I've**_ got a meeting and I promised my guys lunch afterwards." She pointed out the rag tag group that were still standing where she'd left them. "You can come with if you want?"

"I get to meet your crew? Now?" Trish was clearly excited. "It's been years since you let me meet anyone on your teams." She stood and grabbed her jacket, heading for the exit while Nikki sat frozen as she suddenly remembered there was a reason for that and wondered if it was too late to rescind the offer. Echo squad was the last team to have the honour of meeting Trish and they had greatly enjoyed the experience. Particularly the way they ended up with plenty of ammunition to take the piss out of her for weeks afterwards.

"Aww hell, I'm going to regret this." She scrambled to her feet, rushing after her waiting partner, brain whirring trying to think of damage limitation plans.

...

The introductions didn't actually go too badly. As long as you ignored the part where Trish asked Kaiden whether it was Nikki's charming smile, gorgeous eyes or perfect ass that he'd been attracted to.

"Don't answer that Lieutenant." Shepard ordered, glaring at her girlfriend and hoping her blush wasn't too obvious. Trish remained unrepentant.

"What? I'm just curious."

"Garrus, I'm just curious, you were with C-Sec, is it legal for a spectre to sew someone's mouth shut?" Trish grinned, completely unfazed by her partner's threat.

"Aww am I embarrassing you sweetheart? Think it through a moment, if you sewed my mouth shut I wouldn't be able to do this." The civilian planted a series of light kisses on her jaw and neck much to the Normandy crew's entertainment, the commander huffing in defeat.

"Uhh, ma'am? We're going to be late for your meeting with Dantius."

"Like I owe that bitch the courtesy of being on time." Shepard grumbled, going from amused discomfort to righteous anger in a second flat. "Garrus, is it legal for a spectre to wring that lying cow's sodding neck?" Trish was surprised by the amount of vehemence in her partner's voice but remained silent, she wasn't aware of the facts and in her experience if Nikki was pissed off she probably had a good reason.

"Grey area Commander. It's not officially legal per se, but you wouldn't be prosecuted for it. I'd advise against doing it in the embassy lounge though, it wouldn't help the other species opinion of humanity being violent bullies."

"Noted."

"Do I even want to know?" Trish asked, Nikki calming slightly as she turned towards her with a tense smile, offering her arm out for the civilian to hold so they could resume walking as she explained.

"She seems to think my squad are acceptable collateral damage. I don't."

...

"I still think you'd be better off with a Logic Arrest, Tali. Nexus shield enhancements are years behind the curve." The commander rolled her eyes but said nothing, not willing to risk drawing attention to herself when everybody seemed quite content talking about something other than her. Ever since the suit breach on Sharjila during the 'Dantius fiasco' Kaiden had been trying to get the quarian to change omni-tools, Shepard appreciated his obvious concern for the youngster but wasn't convinced a different tool would have made a difference.

"You could get round that if you overclock the microframe though." Trish piped up from Shepard's side.

"Exactly! That's what I keep trying to tell everybody." Tali exclaimed. "I'm running multiple attack processes simultaneously, nothing comes close to outperforming the Nexus."

"Well... the Savant blows everything else out of the water, but it's almost impossible to get on Serrice Council's approved customer list." Trish amended, not even bothering to bring her own product into the mix. The Polaris may have been the best human made omni-tool in the galaxy but even she'd admit that for sheer processing power the Nexus had it beat. It probably had something to do with the fact that R&D teams for asari companies had millennia of experience between them.

"Blow out the water?" Nikki smiled as her girlfriend explained the human idiom to the quarian before they entered a conversation in universal tech speak that the rest of the humans present had no hope of understanding.

...

"Tarc! Is that who I think it is?" Nikki nodded unhappily at the turian's question.

"Yeah, anybody volunteering to be decoy?" Trish looked around the bustling street in confusion, trying to figure out who the Normandy crew were talking about as they all declined the job offer.

"Sorry Shepard, he knows all of us."

"Who knows what? What's going on?" The civilian asked, instantly regretting it when everybody's eyes snapped to her.

"Trish, babe... you know you love me?" _Every second of every day, but right now I'm not so sure_. "I don't suppose you could go over there and distract that nice gentleman while we sneak past?"

" _Which_ gentleman?"

"The blond with the goatee."

"Why?"

"Because it's me and I'm asking nicely?" Nikki wheedled, with full on puppy dog eyes.

"No, I mean why does a spectre, a former C-Sec officer, a krogan battlemaster and two Alliance marines need to sneak past someone?"

"Can I maybe tell you later? Like, after you've distracted him and we're no longer anywhere near here."

"Just tell me one thing, is this dangerous?" Nikki's horrified protest of _'of course not!'_ was drowned out by Wrex's booming laughter.

"Dangerous? That little pyjak!" The noise cut across the busy marketplace, people of all species pausing to glance over, including the one specific human they had been trying to avoid.

"Commander? Commander Shepard!"

" **Dammit Wrex!** Scatter!" Trish glanced round at the rapidly emptying space around her in bemusement, her girlfriend jogging back over to grab her hand and plead: "Babe, run." They were too late however, the mystery man finally reached them and a look of abject despair crossed Shepard's features as she closed her eyes in defeat. Opening them again she plastered a fake smile on her face as she turned round to confront her nemesis.

"Conrad, my main man and biggest fan! How can I help you?" Over on the far side of the market the rest of the squad reformed, considering the distance Trish may have imagined the grins on their faces, but there was no doubting the cheeky wave from Garrus.

...

"Do you get that a lot?" Trish asked when they were finally on their way again. She was still trying to process exactly what had just happened and silently vowed then and there that whenever they were in public she would obey Nicola's strangest requests without question.

"Sometimes. So far since being made spectre I have met eight 'biggest fans', three 'No. 1 fans' and a batarian who calls me 'demi-god of the demi-eyes'. Conrad's probably the most persistent though."

"I don't know how you tolerate the freaks, if it was me I'd probably try and scare them off." Ash admitted.

"Nah, not worth the PR headache. They might have a few screws loose but they're harmless enough. Finally, we're here." They stopped outside an Avina terminal close to a rather worried looking receptionist. "Hmm, probably best if we don't all go in, they might think we're an invasion force pulling a coup. Wrex and Garrus with me, the rest of you hang out round here." Shepard turned to address her girlfriend but Trish spoke first.

"Really? You don't want to look like an invasion so you're taking Garrus and Wrex?" The spectre shrugged.

"Garrus can warn me if I'm about to break any unique or bizarre Citadel by-laws and I just love watching the faces of those stuck up snobs when I bring a krogan into their exclusive clubs." Trish couldn't help but smile at the reasoning. "What about you? You still happy hanging around with this lot or do you want to head off and I'll meet up with you tonight?"

"No, I don't mind hanging around. Besides me and Tali are brainstorming something."

"Already? Ah whatever, have fun. Just do me a favour and try not to completely destroy my squad's respect for me while I'm gone."

"Promise, I'll leave the last little shred until you get back."

"Why thank you." A kiss and a wink and Nikki was striding away. Trish enjoying the sight for as long as possible before turning back to the strange collection of individuals.

...

"Well, that could have gone better and it could have gone worse." Shepard philosophised as they headed back to the others. She smiled when she saw Tali and Ash talking together, despite her previous reservations and long held prejudices the marine was getting on much better with the aliens on the crew, particularly the young quarian who she had started treating like another little sister. Tali for her part absolutely loved listening to anyone telling stories involving siblings. Next to them Kaiden and Liara were talking about biotics. At least, Shepard assumed it was about biotics, if it was about her she was sure her girlfriend would be involved in the conversation. She frowned as she realised the final human was missing.

"Where's Trish?"

"She asked for a moment alone." Ash answered, tilting her head in the relevant direction and Nikki's eyes followed to find her partner standing looking out over the presidium lake.

"What? Why?" Williams simply shrugged but Shepard connected the dots herself a moment later as she overheard a man and woman arguing about their unborn child nearby. "How long have _they_ been there?"

"A while." Ash must have caught the implied question in the commander's glare because she clarified a second later: "Since before Trish left." Williams was surprised when without another word the spectre decided to march over to the two loud humans.

"It's less dangerous than the genetic enhancements that every soldier in the Alliance receives!" The man was ranting.

"You know you two should stop arguing and try actually listening to each other." Shepard butted in, not caring if her unsolicited intervention was considered socially unacceptable.

"Excuse me! Who are you?"

"Commander Shepard, but that's irrelevant. What's important is that you are both claiming to want what's best for the baby but all this shouting and stress... That ain't best for it."

"Perhaps you can talk some sense into her." The man, Michael, appealed to the commander in the frustrated tones of someone who's tried every argument they can think of, before filling her in on the situation as if she and half the presidium hadn't already heard the deeply personal conversation. "There's a chance of the baby developing the same heart condition that killed my brother, undergoing routine gene therapy in utero can eliminate it but my sister-in-law refuses to listen."

"Well it's her baby and her body, I'm sorry but that makes it her choice."

"It's a stupid choice! She's too consumed with grief to think rationally right now, and her _**'emotions'**_ are going to hurt this baby."

"Not necessarily, what kind of odds are we talking here?"

"There's a one in fifty chance of the baby developing the heart condition, compared to _**at most**_ a one in three hundred chance of something going wrong with the gene therapy. You can't argue against the facts! It is **six** times more likely for there to be a problem if she doesn't do the therapy." Michael explained only to be countered by his sister-in-law:

"Don't you understand? So what if he's more likely to develop the condition? If he does then there are medical treatments available, but if my baby is that one in three hundred I'll always wonder if I killed him for nothing!"

There was a tightness in Nikki's throat as she finally managed to get back into the conversation: "I do understand Rebekah, that kind of guilt can eat a person up inside whether they deserve it or not. The two of you need to sit down with a gene therapist and a heart specialist and go through this in a much calmer setting. It's your choice and in the end it doesn't matter if you go with your head or your heart, all you can do is choose what you think is best. But what you need to understand, no matter how hard and horrifying it sounds, is that it is possible to do everything right, **everything** , and still lose a child for no other reason than the universe sucks!" Her voice broke towards the end, the ache in her heart at old memories rising to the surface visible as pain in her eyes. The force of emotion took the two redheads by surprise, grasping each other's hand for support.

"Thank you." Rebekah breathed quietly and Shepard nodded before turning away to find her whole squad watching her, their own conversations long since ceased.

"You guys go on ahead to the restaurant. I'll catch up." There were varying lengths of uncertainty before people turned away, internally debating how to show their support to their commander but coming up blank. While they could sympathise with her position, they could only imagine what it was like, Wrex the only one among them to have experienced the same feeling. To have had the highs and hopes of expected parenthood dashed in the cruelest of fashions. Yet the krogan didn't waste time attempting to come up with comforting sentiments, knowing no words would make a difference. He gave the spectre the slightest incline of his head in acknowledgment before herding the others away with a call of:

"Come on, I'm hungry." Meanwhile Shepard turned, heading towards the railings by the presidium lake.

"It's me." She warned softly as she approached Trish from behind, loosely wrapping her arms around her partner's waist but making sure her grasp was easy enough to break out of, waiting until Trish relaxed and leant back into her before she tightened her embrace into a supportive hug.

"Sorry, I don't mean to be a downer." Trish whispered only to feel Nikki shaking her head.

"It's ok." The spectre issued her partner with a chaste kiss to the shoulder.

"It's just-..." The civilian trailed off, unable to find the words capable of doing her thoughts and feelings justice.

"I know. I miss him too." Nikki squeezed reassuringly, they stood in melancholic silence a moment before Shepard mused: "He'd be starting school this year."

"Yeah... I wonder if he would've liked it."

"You're kidding right?" Nick asked softly. "With your brains? There's no question about it." There was a light chuckle in response.

"Do you..." Trish hesitated. "Do you ever think about trying again?" The spectre's grip unconsciously tightened a fraction.

"What, about trying to get an education? You saying you think I should go back to school?" She teased, deliberately trying to deflect away from the serious conversation with humour.

"No." Trish spun round to face her, gazing into those deep chocolate eyes in the hope of discerning an honest answer as she clarified beyond any shadow of a doubt: "Try again for a kid?"

"Yeah, I've thought about it." Nick admitted after a moment's silence. She glanced away but not before the civilian caught sight of the look of longing mixed with... something else.

"And?" Trish pressed, bringing her hand up to her partner's face to gently force her back into eye contact.

"Truthfully?" Trish nodded and the spectre sighed. "...I'm scared... I want to babe, I really do, but... After everything with Thomas... I don't know if I could go through that again if anything went wrong."

"Yeah... I used to think that too."

"Used to?"

"Yes, but then I remembered something a wise woman once told me. She said I shouldn't let fear hold me back from something awesome." A faint smile graced the soldier's lips as she remembered the conversation from what felt like a lifetime ago.

"A wise woman you say?"

"Well... The words were wise at least, I'm not so sure about the woman." Trish teased, earning a deeper smile. Nikki leant their foreheads together, entwining their fingers. She'd always been wary of raising the subject of children with Trish after Thomas's death. Knowing no matter how bad the experience had been for her, it had been far worse for her partner, but if Trish had truly come to terms with events and was willing to take the risk... Well then:

"Maybe I should think about it some more."


	54. Chapter 54

"So... You know that old saying about who outranks an Admiral?" Trish tilted her head towards the random question to see Nikki led next to her in the hotel bed, gazing at the ceiling and making no attempt to fix her adorably messy bed hair.

"An Admiral's wife." She answered the age old half joke/half truth. Nick nodded but didn't look over.

"Right. Would... Do you want outrank a spectre?"

"Nikki!" Surprise coloured Trish's voice as she sat up in a hurry, twisting her whole body for a better look at her partner while she sought clarification: "Are you proposing?"

"No. Maybe? Umm..." Nervous uncertainty clouded the commander's eyes. "More sort of... trying to work out if you'd want me to propose? Kaiden and Liara said they would never have considered that whole... _thing_... if they knew I was taken and- Well, I know it's not an obligatory requirement anymore but if we **are** going to think about starting a family..." She trailed off as if deciding the reasoning was either unnecessary or counterproductive. " _ **Obviously**_ it would be much better than this if I did..." Trish chuckled, throwing one leg over to straddle her hopeless Mindoirian.

"You." The sentence was punctuated by a brief kiss to her partner's forehead. "Are crap." Another peck, this time on the cheek. "At subtle questioning." The action mirrored on the opposite cheek. "And hopeless at romance."

"Is that a no?" Trish shook her head with a smile.

"I would _**love**_ to outrank a spectre." This time lips brushed lips, the kiss quickly deepening, and when they finally broke away the nerves and uncertainty had faded from Nikki's eyes, replaced with their usual mischievous twinkle.

"Hmm, I suppose I best find you one then. Let's see... Bau and Rix are obviously out on account of being men... What about Vasir? Asari, blue eyes instead of brown I'm afraid but-" She was cut off by a playful punch to the shoulder.

"I'll find my own spectre thanks." Trish leant down with her own eyes sparkling. "Oh look, I've found one... Whatever will I do with her?"

"Marry me I hope."

"Definitely." Any other potential words were swallowed in a passionate kiss. Instead of ending when Nikki pulled back to catch her breath it simply moved, Trish working her way down her lover's neck. It was a perfect moment, only ruined when instead of joining straight back in, Nikki decided to use her mouth for talking.

"So... How do you want me to propose? Traditional restaurant date or..." Trish ignored her, hoping she'd get the hint and shut up if she just continued with her actions. "We could go to some secluded paradise somewhere... Joker's always going on about being the best pilot in the Alliance, he could airdrop the ring from the Normandy just as I pop the question-"

"Here and now's good enough for me." The civilian finally gave in and spoke, hoping it would help end the conversation, before doing something to make Nikki gasp.

"Joker's good but I think even he might struggle with the middle of the seventh floor. Plus it's a bit short notice and I haven't actually bought a ring yet-" Trish groaned in despair.

"Is there a reason you're still talking?" She pushed the soldier away, Nicola's back hitting the bed as Trish glared daggers down at her from above. It didn't quite have the effect she was after as the blasted woman spoke once more, but this time her voice was soft and full of awe as her gaze swept across the vision straddling her.

"Damn, you're so beautiful right now." The compliment made Trish's heart swell and despite her overwhelming desire she couldn't help teasing:

"Just right now? You used to say I was always beautiful to you."

"You are! Just some days you're beautifuler than ever. You're always the beautifulest person in the galaxy, but some days you're extra impressive."

"I know you're a soldier sweetheart but do you have to slaughter grammar? Repeat after me: more beautiful, most beautiful."

"Smart arse! We can't all be geniuses you know. Besides it's not _**my**_ fault if I have to use made up words because the real ones don't do you justice."

"Mhmm. Nice save..." She leant in for another kiss before adding: "Still sounds stupid though."

"That's cos I am stupid. I'm your idiot remember?"

"No you're not. You're my fiance. Now will you shut up and prove you love me?" Nikki's grin filled her entire face as she reached up and flipped their positions, although she couldn't resist getting the last word:

"Yes ma'am."

...

"Sir. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice." Shepard saluted as she entered Captain Anderson's temporary office in the Citadel embassies.

"Well I knew you were shipping back out today Commander and I was curious when the receptionist said your visit was personal instead of classified." All sense of formality between them dropped as the door shut behind her and he waved for her to take a seat. "Besides, I've always got time for you Shepard."

"I think I proposed to Trish." The spectre blurted out without any further preamble as soon as she made contact with the chair. Surprise, confusion, happiness and amusement all streaked across the captain's face before settling into a fond look that if translated into words would read: _only you_.

"You _**think**_ you proposed to Trish?"

"I said some stuff and now she keeps calling me her fiance instead of... what she used to call me. It was all very... _**me**_..." She rubbed a finger across her eyebrow, an old tell of nerves or embarrassment that Anderson hadn't seen in years. "Look, she's already taken great delight in taking the piss out of me for this so can we skip straight to the part where I ask if you'll be my best man?"

"I'd be honoured." The old soldier smiled. "Although it does depend..." _On what?_ The question was clearly visible on Shepard's face and Anderson continued before she could actually voice it. "On whether you just _think_ you're getting married or are _actually_ getting married."

The spectre scowled at the teasing. "I'm getting married."

"Then I'd be delighted. When's the happy day?" A smile reappeared on her face as she shrugged slightly.

"After Saren."

"I didn't know Saren was getting married, he kept that quiet." The scowl returned in full force.

"You know what I mean." She glared and he chuckled.

"Of course. Congratulations. It's been a long time coming. You realise you two have already been together for longer than my marriage lasted right?"

"I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but thanks."

...

It would have been so easy for Shepard to let herself get distracted by thoughts of wedding plans, but they couldn't get married until after her mission was complete. Therefore instead of letting her mind wander with what ifs and what's going to be's, she told herself she was going to use it as a motivational tool to stay focused on the hunt for Saren. The sooner she put him down, the sooner she could make Trish her wife.

 _Wife_ , there was a word that made her smile whenever she thought of it. Not that she had **time** to think about it, in between reading intel reports for any hint of her target's location or plans and working through training exercises to keep her squad sharp.

Of course with it being such a big deal it was impossible for it not to come up occasionally in her communications with her fiance. _Fiance... That's not such a nice word. It's just awkward, it sounds clunky and foreign. I much prefer partner, or even girlfriend, not as much as wife though. Wife's definitely my favourite._

Her fian- _blurgh..._ ok, 'future wife' ( _much better_ ) _,_ had tried to get her involved in the planning but she had politely declined, insisting that a) it was much more important for her to focus her planning skills on 'securing a date', and b) she would enjoy the day regardless, so Trish should just plan _her_ perfect wedding and it would all be ok with the spectre. It took less than three hours for Shepard to realise that probably wasn't the best response to give and she quickly composed a new message.

[Re: wedding. Actually, I've changed my mind, I do have a few stipulations: 1) I am not under any circumstance wearing a dress. I don't care if it's my wedding day, it is NOT happening!

2) I'm inviting Jude so the location has to be dog friendly.

3) I'm inviting Tali and Garrus so the caterers need to be capable of providing dextro food.

Other than that I'm not fussed. If you need a simple yes/no question answered then I'll get back to you as soon as I can, but otherwise I leave it in your capable hands (or should that be your mother's hands? I just know she's excited about this. Has she managed to take over all command of the operation yet or is she still acting in an advisory role? Actually, don't answer that, stop distracting me, I'm trying to work, the galaxy's not going to save itself you know.)

Love, Commander Wifey]

...

[To Commander Wifey (that's another promotion I've missed, I thought you were still Commander Fiance, otherwise why am I still planning all this?)

In answer to your demands: 1) You're going to be a bride, you've got to wear a dress, it's traditional. Now, in order to save time that can be better spent on saving the galaxy let's just fast forward through the next five days worth of arguments and negotiations to arrive at a compromise: How about you wear your dress blues instead? It's smart, contains the word dress and makes it easy for your side of the wedding party to match. I'm assuming you'll be inviting your Villa chums and they're certainly not going to have time to meet up beforehand to all buy the same suit. Also I saw a vid once that mentioned an old wedding rhyme about having 'something old, something new and something blue'. I never paid any attention to it but that can count as something blue.

2) You're too late. I already invited Jude, she said yes. She's my guest now, find your own guests.

3) Ok. Although you do realise quarian edible food is different and harder to find than just simply 'dextro food' right? Just because a caterer markets themselves as 'dextro friendly' doesn't mean it'll be suitable for Tali. Don't worry though I'll make sure they both have something they can eat.

4) Mum is very enthusiastic right now. So far she's still advising but I fully expect a coup for the leadership soon.

5) Don't blame me. You're distracting yourself.

6) How are you doing with 'securing a date'? You realise I can't actually book the location or any thing else until I have a date right?

Love, 'The future Mrs Shepard']

...

[To 'The future Mrs Shepard' ...

...

...

...

I'm sorry. I had brain freeze for a moment over the awesomeness of being able to call you that. _Any way_...

1) That is acceptable. However if my uniform is 'something blue' does that make your uncle 'something old'?

2) Fine, be like that.

3) Thank you, you're the best.

4) Do you need a protection squad? I can send you one.

5) No I'm not! *Looks around shiftily* If Saren destroys the universe before I stop him I'm blaming you.

6) I'm working on it. Slowly. This would be so much easier if he just attacked a place and then stayed there until I could reach him. Or you know, invited me round for tea and scones, why do the bad guys never do that in real life? They could combine it with revealing their dastardly plans. Tell you what, why don't you just decide on a location and if they're fully booked by the time we're ready I'll just commandeer the place for Spectre business. :)

Love, Commander _Future_ Wifey]

...

[ To Commander _Future_ Wifey, (I am never going to get bored of calling you that).

1) I'm so telling Uncle Steve you said that.

2) - ]

"Commander! I've got the Council on the line." Shepard broke off reading the latest message from Trish, barely remembering to acknowledge Joker as she legged it to the comm room. Hopefully the council would finally give her a credible lead on Saren.

 **Hopefully** they weren't monitoring her personal comms.

...

 **Author's note:** I thought long and hard about whether to give the best man position to Anderson or Garrus. In the end I decided if the wedding took place in ME2 or 3 Garrus would probably have gotten the nod, but at this point in time she's been through far more with Anderson than anybody else. Not only an insane number of N missions together, but he was also the one who covered for her when she went AWOL when Trish miscarried.


	55. Virmire

**Virmire**. The name swam in front of her vision as she read the extremely thorough, and at the same time somewhat limited, STG report for a sixth time, studiously attempting to absorb every last detail the salarians had been able to provide about the planet.

So far she could quote the atmospheric pressure (0.9 atm), surface gravity (0.86 g), average surface temperature (32 degrees centigrade, she'd had to convert that figure from the salarian unit of measurement 'degrees Tann') and even the orbital period (8.363 Galactic standard years or (again, she'd had to use a calculator) approximately 9.2 Earth years)

She had also learnt that if she saw a 4 metre long, six legged scaly creature down there then it was best to just walk away. Walk NOT run. Apparently the beast the salarians had tentatively dubbed [error: translation not found] was actually a herbivore and wouldn't attack unless it felt threatened, but any fast movements such as running would make it panic and shooting at it made it angry. If angered it switched categories from docile to lethal pretty damn quick and it was relatively immune to standard weapons fire.

The weird running-around-on-land jellyfish type things however were completely harmless. There was also apparently several interesting examples of flora that the STG were interested in studying further with the intention of creating new and unusual medicines or poisons. Aside from that the planet was a tropical paradise. It would have made a great holiday resort if not so close to the Terminus systems and the assorted pirate scum neighbours who would happily pillage anybody attempting to settle the region.

There was no denying the STG report was certainly very thorough with regards to the planet. In regards to Saren's base however it seemed to be lacking a certain something, as in, well... anything. No location, no blueprints. Shepard had worked with STG in joint operations for the Villa before and usually their reports were so detailed you knew how many computer terminals were in each room, how many beds in the sleeping quarters and how many taps in the bathrooms. There was even a joke among N7s that the STG could tell you the expiration dates of the food in the enemy's fridge. This time however there was nothing.

It was clear that the original report on Virmire had been written before Saren set up his base and the more recent STG team sent in to update the report hadn't been heard from since. Well, except for the scrambled and unreadable comms burst on a secured emergency channel anyway. It was that discrepancy in salarian efficiency that had resulted in a spectre being sent in and Shepard was currently too happy about finding out the Council was actually taking the situation seriously enough to have other people working on it, to be pissed off about being kept in the dark about their existence.

Then again there was the question of whether or not the STG unit were actually there at the bequest of the Council or just the Salarian Union? Either way it was the first actionable intel she'd acquired in weeks and she wasn't about to waste it.

...

It was a testament to her pilot's skill (and, if she wasn't so humble, her own too) that they were able to perform a mako drop into a ravine. Sure it was a relatively big one, about three and a half mako widths, but considering how much rock there was to avoid it was still an impressive feat. Her squad were silent as she concentrated on setting them down safely. There was a splash as they landed in the river and their conversations sparked back up almost immediately.

"Wow, it's beautiful." Shepard certainly had to agree with that assessment. It wasn't often that her missions took her anywhere she'd be willing to take Trish to visit, but damn this place was almost worthy of a honeymoon location. Of course she'd have to get rid of those pesky AA guns before she let Trish near the place. She shook her head as she realised she'd let her brain get sidetracked again and started driving.

"Sand, sea, sun, surf." Kaiden was still listing the planet's good points and Nikki briefly wondered if he just liked the letter s or if he'd been working his way through the whole alphabet while she had been fantasizing. "It'd make for one hell of a vacation spot."

"What are you talking about? All I see is rocks." Grumbled Wrex.

"You know I always wanted to fight in a tropical paradise." Was Ashley's contribution.

"Meh, they're overrated... and the sand gets _everywhere_." The krogan informed her. "Now a _museum_ , that's somewhere I'd like to fight."

"Oh, that sounds like fun. It would be like a much bigger version of an antique shop, I love fighting in antique shops." Garrus joined in and Shepard would have stared at him incredulously if she wasn't focusing on the road. Well... the ravine... river. Route. _Driving_.

"You _enjoy_ fighting in antique shops?"

"Only if they're classy." Shepard shook her head with a sigh.

"Um, guys..." The commander quickly glanced to the side at Tali's hesitant call. The quarian had been monitoring the electronics and it didn't take a genius to realise what was the cause of her concern. The radar was being jammed.

"Well I've got good news for all those wanting to fight in a tropical paradise."

...

Multiple drones, several armatures, a handful of snipers, juggernauts and rocket troops plus three gatehouses, a colossus and a healthy amount of banter later, they finally reached the salarian camp. A camp composed of several tents containing equipment and the remnants of a less than happy 3rd Infiltration regiment.

"We wait for Council reinforcements." The salarian CO informed the newly arrived 'Alliance plus assorted others' forces when pressed for a course of action.

"We ARE the reinforcements."

"You? but we requested a fleet."

"Sorry, the message was unclear. No fleet, but we _**have**_ got a krogan."

"Saren has multiple krogan." Captain Kirrahe dismissed, seemingly unimpressed by the spectre's attempt at levity. Which was fair enough, everybody was entitled to their own sense of humour, or lack there of. What was less ok however was the way he continued talking about the need to destroy Saren's krogan breeding facility before describing the entire species as 'a mistake'... in front of Wrex. Shepard fought the urge to face palm as her friend became understandably upset and threatened the captain before storming off to vent his anger on some nearby rocks.

"Is he going to be a problem?" Kirrahe inquired. _Well he wouldn't have been if you kept your mouth shut._ Shepard thought as she agreed to talk to the deadly and enraged battlemaster in their midst.

...

"Come on Wrex, whatever happened to 'anyone fighting us is either stupid or on Saren's payroll and that's just business or a favour to the universe'?" Shepard wheedled, using the bounty hunter's own words against him as she sat unthreateningly on a handy boulder beside him.

"This isn't about a few idiot mercs Shepard. If there's a cure for my people-" His shotgun beeped a warning about over heating and as far as Nikki was concerned that was far more worrying than any amount of shouting or posturing. The Urdnot warrior had centuries of combat experience, he knew how to ride that fine line between a constant barrage and leaving enough time between each shot for your weapon to cool down so you weren't left defenseless at a critical moment. If he wasn't capable of even that most basic of thought processes...

"Wrex..." Her soft interruption obviously wasn't appreciated as he turned on her angrily and she was thankful she'd stopped by her marines on the way over and given them all a direct order not to interfere no matter what happened.

"You of all people should understand Shepard! You know the pain of losing a child. Now multiply that by a thousand. Imagine living with the knowledge that no matter how hard you try that will always be the result. Most give up after the tenth or twelfth attempt. My own sister killed herself rather than live without hope and she certainly wasn't the only one. We have suffered enough. I won't sit back and let you destroy the cure!" His shotgun was suddenly pointing right at her but Shepard didn't flinch, even though it had cooled down enough to fire again, instead she merely crossed her arms as she raised an eyebrow at him and stared unwaveringly into his furious eyes.

"Finished?" She enquired tartly. "I didn't say anything about destroying the cure, just the facility." Wrex looked at her quizzically, not quite daring to hope as the commander explained her plan.

"The krogan here are puppets for Saren, they're not the great hope for your people Wrex, but I promise you, if there's details of a genophage cure on any of the computer terminals Tali will find it and we'll take it with us." The anger drained from his eyes but he was still cautious, centuries of survival teaching him to pay close attention to words both said and unsaid.

"Take with us... But will you actually give it to me?" The commander shrugged.

"Didn't know you were a scientist Wrex." She quipped before catching the look in his eyes _Yeah, right, ok, so now..._ _ **so**_ _not the time for humour._ "Look, I don't like making promises I can't keep Wrex. If there is a cure I doubt it's sat waiting for us in handy tablet or injection form, we're probably going to need a sympathetic scientist to make use of it and to get that your people are going to have to prove they can be trusted with-"

"We **deserve** -" The krogan's heated interruption was curtailed by the commander raising a hand.

"I know you do Wrex. The genophage was unforgivable, but that's just it. What if after getting the cure your people seek retribution? I mean I wouldn't blame you for wanting revenge, but do you really think the salarians and turians are just going to sit back and take it? No, they're going to come up with something even worse than the genophage in response. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. There's going to need to be some work on changing the galaxy's view of the krogan and quite possibly your society somewhere along the line, I don't know the answer as to how and what, but it needs to be dragged away from the self-destructive influences left over from your father's reign."

Wrex was silent as he thought about the words of the comparatively little human sat fearlessly in front of him. Finally he extended an arm down in invitation. "Let's start with ending Saren."

"Ooh-rah." Came the ever ready reply of the marine corps as she accepted his hand.

...

It was all boots on the ground for this one. Not only was the target a veritable fortress defended by an army of geth and krogan forces that they would need every advantage they could get against, but also Shepard was fairly certain that if she **had** tried to leave any of her squad behind on the ship they wouldn't be content to sit and sulk and would have damn well mutinied.

Her rather ironically named 'Shadow team' was composed of the Normandy's heavy hitters, namely herself, Wrex and Williams. Their call sign hadn't been changed even after the spectre explained to Captain Kirrahe that, while his strategy was sound, fighting the geth was different to fighting organics and thanks to their network intelligence as soon as her team took out their first enemy platform every synthetic on the base would be aware of their presence.

A few tactical tweaks meant that instead of trying to hide Shadow team's existence, they would try and convince the enemy that Shepard's crew were the diversion and the larger salarian force were the real threat they should concentrate on defending against. Kaiden would go with the salarians to act as liaison officer, while Garrus was put in charge of the Normandy's second team.

While initially acting as a support unit, the second squad's primary objective would only come into play once they made it inside the base; to follow in the wake of shadow team and secure as much data or intel about Saren's plans as possible. Sure the main mission was still to blow this place sky high, but since they still hadn't received confirmation that the rogue turian was even present, the commander didn't much feel like destroying potential leads and going back to floating aimlessly round the galaxy waiting for another tip off. Plus there was her promise to Wrex. _Not that the salarians were aware of_ _ **that**_ _part of the plan._

Surprisingly it all went off without a hitch. Not to say it was easy, there were plenty of instances where a quick application of medi gel had to be made while hiding behind a wall or a crate or an Urdnot, and by the sounds of things the salarians were taking a hammering. Still, they made it inside without any fatalities and having conducted multiple instances of sabotage to help out their allies along the way.

Inside however was another story. The missing members of the 3rd Infiltration regiment attacked them in a daze. It was like the mind controlled colonists on Feros all over again, except this time pesticide grenades didn't work and they had no choice but to kill them.

More salarians of varying sanity were found in cells and only one Lieutenant Ganto Imness, allegedly a control subject, was able to talk to them about the horrific experiments carried out by Saren. On Shepard's order Tali set to work on the terminals, Garrus and Liara covering her while Shadow team kept pressing forward.

'Always forward, forward always' was the call for the day as they pushed themselves through cloned krogan and previously in stasis husks. Fighting geth at this point had become a rather mundane part of everyday life barely worth mentioning. What WAS worth mentioning however was the surprising discovery of another prothean beacon in Saren's office, just after a delightful discussion with Rana Thanoptis, an asari neuro-specialist who revealed Saren didn't have a clue what he was messing with. At least, that's how Shepard translated the conversation.

"Oh joy, here we go again. Watch the exits for me." She instructed her squad as she approached the beacon. The vision was just as horrifying as always but at least she didn't black out like on Eden Prime this time. Actually in hindsight interfacing with a beacon in the middle of an enemy base when they hadn't finished clearing it out probably wasn't her smartest decision ever, but at least it didn't come back to haunt her, and she was fairly certain some of those images were new. She'd have to get Liara to take a look and see if she recognised any of it from her studies but that could wait until they were back on the ship.

...

Speaking of ships, the Normandy was truly a sight for sore eyes as she swept in twenty minutes later to deliver the salarian drive core turned nuke. Shepard was determined to stay focused on the job at hand, despite the rather horrifying recent revelation that Saren's vessel Sovereign was not just reaper technology but an actual reaper, keeping her eyes peeled for trouble as the Normandy's onboard marine detachment carried the bomb down the cargo hold's ramp in order to plant it in the geothermal taps that constituted the base's sole weak spot.

In the end it wasn't the sight of krogan breaking through either of the side gates, but rather the sound of Lieutenant Alenko on comms that alerted her to her next fight. The remains of the three STG units were pinned down and wouldn't be able to make it to their extraction point. The salarians may have been willing to lay down their lives for the sake of the mission but Shepard wasn't ready to let them unless there was no other choice, especially when one of her own was with them.

"Garrus, Wrex with me. The rest of you take care of things here. Williams, you're in charge."

Geth and krogan alike fell to the commander's cool, collected combat style as they carved an unstoppable path towards the AA gun, only brought to a halt when they spied a geth dropship heading for the breeding facility. The sleek shape of the Alliance's prototype stealth frigate rose up from where it had been waiting for the marines to exfiltrate, deciding against remaining a sitting target on the ground. It moved in on an intercept course, but wasn't quick enough to prevent geth reinforcements landing.

"Williams, tell me you're all done prepping the bomb and are waiting patiently on the Normandy for me?" Shepard asked.

"Sorry ma'am, still working on it." Ashley's voice was nearly drowned out by the sound of weapon's fire and Tali of all people giving instructions to those shipside marines who rarely got to experience anything more exciting than door duty. "It's too hot for an exfil, might have to forego the final sequence and trigger it manually."

"Negative, don't you dare Chief!" Captain Kirrahe had been adamant during the planning stage that once the nuke was ready nothing, not even the geth, would be able to deactivate it and they'd be able to safely leave it behind while extracting to a safe distance. While it was well known that no plan survived contact with the enemy, Shepard wasn't willing to deviate from that particular detail just yet.

"Wrex get back there and help clear the LZ. Joker finish your dogfight and be prepared for a couple of hot pick ups. Garrus double time let's go."

...

It was clear from the moment they arrived at the AA gun that the salarians wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer. The geth were performing flanking maneuvers and there was nowhere left for the STG to retreat. Not unless they felt like jumping to their deaths off the side of the roof anyway.

The somewhat insane and dangerous split-second decision to blow up a fuel tank succeeded in it's aim of distracting the enemy, the synthetics turning to focus their attention on Shepard. While providing a brief respite for her allies, it resulted in her having to run and gun between the limited (and ever decreasing) amount of cover.

Still, it was nothing she hadn't handled at some point in her career before, although admittedly normally against organic opponents, and slowly she began to turn the tide in their favour. Too slowly. She saw the rocket flying towards Kaiden but was powerless to stop it. Even though he dodged and strengthened his barrier there was no way he'd be able to simply get up and walk _**that**_ off.

Somehow Shepard kept her focus, finishing off the last of the machines before running to her lieutenant's side. One of the salarians was already hard at work with a first aid kit but before she could run her own diagnostics, a blast of biotic energy exploded on the ground beside her.

In any other circumstances the sight of Saren on a hovering platform would probably have drawn from her a petulant whine of: _I want one_. Instead she hissed at Garrus to get everyone to the extraction point and ran towards the former turian spectre, firing her sidearm in the desperate hope of distracting him from everybody else. The shots bounced harmlessly off his shields and as she ducked back into cover Saren did something she wasn't expecting. He started talking.

For a moment she was dumbstruck, _this isn't a vid!_ In real life the bad guys didn't normally start monologuing to her in the middle of combat. Then she remembered her plan had been to serve as a distraction anyway and since Saren was playing right into her hands she might as well join in the conversation to buy her allies some more time.

Of course that begged the question what was Saren's plan? She quickly glanced round in paranoia, making sure she hadn't screwed up and wasn't standing next to a fuel tank that the turian could blow up just as he uttered some witty one liner, before doing what any self respecting blockbuster hero would and asking him. And the fucking idiot told her!

Not everything of course, but enough. Enough for her to realise he was bloody insane. Or possibly (in fact, quite probably) indoctrinated. She briefly wondered which came first. It soon became apparent that their differences of opinion wouldn't be sorted by a simple chat, not least because Shepard could never support even small scale slavery let alone widespread subjugation, and the brief magical interlude came to an end with Saren jumping on his hover board to resume the fight. _Not fair, I want one!_

 _Double not fair!_ She thought a few minutes later as, yet again, he flew over her cover and started shooting at her while she was hunkered down waiting for her pistol to cool slightly. Some of Saren's attacks hit her, but between her shields and armour the impact was reduced from 'potentially lethal' to 'ow that's gonna bruise'. With a curse she ran out of the way. _Fine, if you want to play dirty._

Rebooting her tech armour to give her a precious few extra seconds, she turned, switching guns and standing out in the open, playing chicken with the approaching vehicle. _Overload, shotgun blast, shotgun blast and switch targets... BOOM goes the fuel tank!_ She allowed herself a twisted smile as the explosion knocked him off his perch and the now flightless turian was brought to the ground, putting them on an even playing field. The smile didn't last long as an enraged Saren threw away his assault rifle and charged straight at her, shrugging off the incoming weapon's fire like the damn terminator.

That metaphor was far too close to the truth for comfort she realised as he neared, noticing how husk like parts of him looked. She rolled out the way but unfortunately Saren was inhumanly, (scratch that, inturianly) strong and fast. Replaying the last few seconds in her head she wasn't even sure how she found herself dangling over the edge of the roof, talons scraping along her throat as the turian held her up with one hand and squeezed.

Instinctively her hands jumped to his, trying to pry loose his grip enough to be able to breathe, while prepared to tighten at a moment's notice and hold on for dear life if he should attempt to drop her. Her vision started to fade, blackness sneaking its way in from the borders, and it was 50/50 what would happen first; running out of oxygen or Saren forcefully breaking her neck. She let fly with a right hook, surprised herself when it connected with enough strength to stagger her opponent and cause him to drop her.

Pain flared briefly as she landed at an awkward angle and her throat burned as she gulped down deep lungfuls of air. Saren didn't intend to give her time to recover though, rushing her once more while she scrabbled for a weapon. Her hand closed over the grip of her pistol at the same time his closed tight against her trachea once more. Despite the point blank range, the only sign Saren gave that he felt the shots was to knock the gun out of her grasp before bringing his second hand in to join with the throttling as she struggled with all her might.

Shepard was dimly aware of her comms crackling in the distance. Someone informing her that the Normandy had picked up the crew from the bomb site and was en route to the salarian's location. It took a few precious extra seconds for her brain to fully process what the message meant: the nuke was set, her people were safe, the mission would succeed.

Internally her objectives shifted. She didn't need to beat Saren, she just had to keep him here long enough for the bomb to take care of them both. She kept fighting but now the focus was less about getting free and more about making sure he couldn't escape. _I'm sorry Trish._ The blackness was sweeping into her vision once more and she wished the damn bomb would hurry up.

"Commander!" The flanged voice sounded so far away. "Shepard!" She vaguely noted it was right in her ear. "Damn it Shepard, hold still a moment would you, you're ruining my shot!" It wasn't quite an order, more of a desperate plea, but something about the voice made her trust in it and so, meeting the gaze of her enemy with a venomous glare, she stilled.

The sharp retort of a sniper rifle cracked out and Saren pitched forward slightly, his shields taking the brunt of the blow and his grip loosening. It took every ounce of mental strength for Shepard to override her instincts and not kick out or attempt to throw him off, remaining motionless so the voice could make a second shot. That one got through Saren's defenses, a splash of blue blood making it onto the commander's armour but he had moved enough for it to sadly not be fatal.

With a snarl Saren leapt off her and ran, Garrus's rifle didn't have the heat capacity for another shot so soon and Shepard was too busy wriggling like a fish out of water, desperately gasping for air, to be capable of accurately aiming and firing a weapon at the retreating bastard. Even assuming she was able to find any of her scattered weaponry in time.

The Normandy soaring majestically down for pickup had to be the most glorious sight she'd ever seen. The image lingered in her brain after she closed her eyes, focusing on sucking in the sweet, sweet nectar that was oxygen. Even with the tinge of burning fuel and the metallic tang of several species' blood in the air, it tasted like blessed ambrosia right now.

A noise had her opening her eyes to see Garrus walking towards her, pausing only to pick up her shotgun. He swept an analytical gaze over her, no doubt being fed extra information by his visor, before reaching an arm down to help her up.

"Thanks." Shepard's voice was hoarse and scratchy as she forced the word through her tender windpipe. A simple nod was the turian's reply and she noted his clan markings were no longer the only source of blue on his face. At least he looked in better condition than her.

"Don't you dare." She managed to croak out as he attempted to lift her into a fireman's carry and he settled for draping her arm across his shoulders, holding her waist and supporting her weight as they limped towards the Normandy's open cargo ramp.

...

Nikki stared at her hands as the youngest and least experienced member of the med bay staff sutured the various cuts and gashes she'd acquired. The assistant's presence had been something of a compromise, Shepard had insisted Chakwas and her team focus their attention on the more serious cases; Lieutenant Alenko, Chief Williams, Private Fredricks and two salarians she didn't know the names of, all of whom were in critical condition. Meanwhile the doctor had insisted that: no, even with her Villa training, the commander couldn't help with triage or give first aid to the rest of the less serious casualties in the cargo hold until AFTER her own wounds had been seen to.

So she sat there with the adrenaline fading and exhaustion slowly creeping in. Her body was close to crashing but her mind was stubbornly refusing. Not until she knew if her marines would live or die.

Doubt plagued her as she cross examined the decisions she'd made throughout the day. If she hadn't sent Wrex away could they have prevented Kaiden's injuries? Sure she didn't expect the krogan to jump in the way of a missile for Alenko, but the extra fire power might have been enough to terminate the geth before it was able to get the shot off.

Then again Ash was led in the bed next to the lieutenant with just as big a question mark hanging over her life. If she hadn't sent the krogan back to help then Williams may well have fallen back on Virmire. She still might die. Doctor Chakwas said it was too early to know for sure which way either of the marines' conditions would turn.

Ashley had been more than prepared to face her fate, offering to stay behind and trigger the bomb manually, many officers would have let her. Would the chief's sacrifice have allowed the rest of them to evacuate unscathed? Would that have been better or worse? Lower casualties in exchange for a single fatality. She wasn't sure but she expected she'd have hated herself for it either way.

Of course there was still a chance she'd have a much higher fatality count than that by the time they docked anyway.

Private Fredricks would need his leg amputated and that was best case scenario right now. He too was banged up badly enough to be hovering half way between life and death and there was sod all Shepard could do to help. Only Chakwas and her team could influence things now. Other than that it was in the hands of the gods. She'd never been one for prayer or belief but what the hell, her hands were already clenched together, what harm could it do?

 _God, I don't know if you're there or even exist. If you are then you've probably noticed I'm not much of a believer. Ash is though, she's one of yours and she needs you now, so you better bloody help her. Because I swear, if I find out you're real and you let her die I'm going to rip your fucking head off. Do you even have a head? You must do, you supposedly made us in your image right? So you-_

"Ok Commander, you're good to go." Her thoughts were interrupted by the medical orderly tapping her on the shoulder. It was probably a good thing too. Nikki wasn't much of a theologian but she doubted many deities appreciated being threatened by mere mortals.

With one last guilt ridden look at her trio of marines, she snagged a couple extra crates of medi gel and headed back down to the cargo hold. Its normally vast empty spaces had been filled by rows of hastily constructed field cots. She handed her booty over to the salarian field medic before firing up her omni-tool and getting to work, running the diagnostic program over the next patient in the triage line.

Time must have passed but she had no idea how much or little as she worked her way through the far too high number of casualties, leapfrogging past the people who'd been treated by her fellow first aiders but otherwise dealing with anybody in her path regardless of species. She nodded her thanks to the three fingered appendage that handed her fresh bandages, not even noticing it was her fellow commander, Rentola, until he spoke: "You have my gratitude Commander, most people would have left my men behind."

"Yeah, well... I guess I'm not most people." She wasn't sure how to respond but felt like she had to say something, even if her voice was still scratchy from her run in from Saren, dark bruises clearly visible across her throat.

"No, no you're really not." The salarian murmured in muted admiration as they moved on to the next bed where Shepard recognised one of hers. With a quick diagnostic scan and an even briefer warning to the marine that it was about to hurt, she grabbed Corporal Verstraete's arm to pop his dislocated shoulder back into place. Rentola waiting until the delicate part was over before commiserating: "I'm sorry about Lieutenant Alenko, he was a good man."

"He's not dead yet." Her tone was harsh and likely would have been even without her injury.

"Of course, I'm sorry." Rentola dropped his head in apology. "Still, if there's anything me or my men can do for you, you need only to ask. I'm sure the captain will say the same." Shepard was momentarily surprised by the offer, before her eyes hardened in a grim countenance.

"Actually there is something." She indicated the stacks of datapads containing the information Tali and Liara had managed to acquire from Saren's base. "Find me a target."

...

 **Author's note:** Sorry for the delay getting this one out, the chapter was a struggle to write. I know I went a bit off script from canon and bordering on AU territory, but I just find it really awkward in game how there's a whole host of skilled team mates just hanging around the Normandy when they could be helping on Virmire. That's one thing I really liked about the Suicide mission in ME2, even if you're not using them everybody on your squad is doing something.

As for why I've put Virmire before Noveria in the story? a) it's an option in game as soon as you've done two main story missions and b) if Saren already has the information about the location of Ilos that is acquired on Noveria then why would he waste time hanging around on Virmire so Shepard can catch back up?

It's still up in the air at this point whether I allow both team mates survive or if one will succumb to their wounds, however I do know who will be there at Horizon and have a rough plan of what the other would be doing offscreen in ME2 _**if**_ they do survive. Should you have a preference for lone or double Virmire survivor then let me know, but don't blame me if you ask for lone and then I kill off the one you wanted to survive.

Finally, in answer to guest reviewer Ryan: that would be telling, I'm afraid you're just going to have to wait and see.


	56. Chapter 56

To say Karin was feeling a little drained as she left the med bay after performing multiple (hopefully) life saving surgeries would be something of an understatement. She couldn't head to bed just yet though, she had volunteered herself for the first observational shift so that her equally tired assistants could grab some sleep. First however she was going to grab some much needed nutrients while they finished re-sterilizing and tidying the med bay.

Turning the corner, she wasn't at all surprised to find Shepard sitting in the otherwise empty mess with a cup of coffee and a stack of datapads in front of her. There was also a nearly empty jug formerly of coffee that suggested at some point the commander had got bored of standing and walking to the counter every time she wanted a refill, choosing to hoard the wonder drug all to herself instead. A fact that suggested she hadn't slept since coming back aboard from the somewhat strenuous mission on Virmire.

"Doc, how are they?" Tiredness certainly hadn't dulled the spectre's senses at least. Even if the exhaustion was audible in her voice, along with a croaky rasp that came with nearly being strangled to death, and Chakwas had to override the instinct to pull out her omni-tool and start scanning. She _knew_ the commander had already been taken care of, even if it hadn't been herself who treated her, and she trusted her staff.

"I've done all I can. They're stable for now but we need to get them to Arcturus." The soldier nodded her understanding but didn't bother breaking off their conversation to issue fresh orders; having already made Arcturus their next destination the second she discovered the severity of their casualties. Instead she stood up to make them both some fresh coffee while the doctor rooted around for acceptable food.

"Individual prognoses?"

"Fredricks will pull through minus the leg. The surgeons at A.M.H will probably give him a choice between a prosthetic or the new clone replacements they've been trailing. As for Williams, it was close for awhile and if she was anybody else I'd still be worried, but she's out of the danger zone for now. It will be a long time before she's fit for combat missions again though. Lieutenant Alenko?" Chakwas sighed, depositing a ready meal in the microwave and accepting the proffered mug of hot caffeine before continuing.

"I'm not a brain surgeon Commander. His amp's completely fried and is going to need to be removed. There's a reason he's kept the L2 implants this long despite the nasty side effects and it's not for the higher output level. Biotic implant replacement surgery has a very low success rate even when carried out by specialists, and the side effects if it does go wrong are highly debilitating at best and often fatal. All I can do for Kaiden is try to keep him alive until we reach Arcturus."

Karin couldn't help noticing the loosely clenched fist subconsciously tapping a fast but gentle rhythm on the worktop, casually diagnosing it as a physical manifestation of the commander's frustration and sense of impotence at not being able to do anything to help. The action ended as suddenly as it started as Shepard pulled herself together and issued a brisk, decisive nod of the head in official response, inquiring: "What about Kirrahe's men?"

"A couple more days in my med bay for observation then he can have them back. I'm confident they'll be just fine."

"Thank you doc..." The commander paused, looking as if she was about to say something else but Chakwas beat her to it.

"Go get some sleep Shepard."

"Too late." She declared waving her newest, almost empty, coffee cup for emphasis but could only muster half a grin.

"I have drugs that can counter that."

"No thanks, besides I have reports to write."

"And how's that going?" The older woman asked knowingly, earning a grimace.

"Well... we've left the ship..." Karin shook her head, repressing a faint smile as she retrieved her food and headed back to the infirmary.

"Sleep Commander, I don't want to see you here next time I come out."

...

The next few hours passed both excruciatingly slowly and quicker than Chakwas was expecting as she updated her patients' medical records in between monitoring their vitals and replacing IV bags. She contacted the Arcturus Military Hospital's admissions team to let them know the expected arrival time, number, and condition of patients so they could inform the relevant departments to be on stand by.

By the time that was finished she still had over an hour left until her relief was due, so she opened up one of the many medical journals she was subscribed to, planning to catch up on her reading. Even her brain's usually indomitable thirst for knowledge had its limits however, and after reading the same paragraph four times without it making any sense she gave up, giving her patients another check before resorting to going through her personal emails.

Needless to say she'd never been so glad to see another person as when Lieutenant Chavasse finally walked through the door to relieve her. The sentiment going double for the steaming mug of hot chocolate in his hands.

"The commander's compliments ma'am." Chavasse stated as he passed it over and Chakwas felt her cheer evaporate at his words.

"Let me guess, she's still out there?" Her assistant gave a shrug that she interpreted as an affirmative, but her frustrated frown dipped into a sigh of content as she took a sip and savoured the taste of bliss on her tongue. She'd thought it a fluke with the coffee but apparently Shepard's eye for detail included paying attention to precisely how her officers liked their drinks.

After completing the handover to Chavasse, Karin reentered the mess with the remains of her cocoa. Shepard was sat in the same chair as before, glaring at her datapads. "I thought I said I didn't want to see you out here? Attempting to bribe me won't save you."

"Doc! You look shattered, you should go to bed." Nikki proclaimed, not attempting to defend herself against the charges levied against her.

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you." Chakwas stated, her previously unamused voice darkening further as Shepard picked a mug off the table: "Take one more sip of that coffee Commander and I'll give you a stomach pump." She threatened and Nikki froze comically with the beverage half way to her lips, eyes darting calculatingly between Karin and the cup. Finally the first honest smile since Virmire crept onto the spectre's lips, and the doctor raised a reproachful eyebrow. "Wipe that grin off your face, don't think I won't do it."

"Oh no doc, I know you would. I remember you handcuffing Anderson to the bed one time." The doctor chuckled.

"I remember you making inappropriate jokes about the situation."

"I blame the drugs." Nick shot back without missing a beat. "I would never _dream_ of making such comments about a superior officer normally."

"Of course not." Karin agreed in a tone of voice that suggested otherwise. "Now go get some sleep Shepard, I mean it this time. Otherwise I'll be forced to declare _**you**_ unfit for duty and chain you to a bed somewhere."

"Alright, alright. You win." The spectre held up her hands in surrender. "Just give me a minute to-"

" **Now**." _On second thoughts..._ Shepard thought morosely. At least in her cabin nosey doctors wouldn't be able to observe what she was or wasn't doing. She made a mental note to get a coffee machine installed in her room next time they docked somewhere civilised as she gathered her datapads and made her escape.

"The next time I see you I'll be checking the sleep data on your omni-tool." Chakwas warned the retreating figure, having spent far too much time around N7s to be fooled by the sudden capitulation to her will. Shaking her head she quickly headed to her own bed, more than happy to follow her own advice.

...

Fredricks was the first of the critical cases to wake, or more accurately, the first to be taken off the sedatives and allowed the chance to wake. Swimming in painkillers and covered in a blanket, it wasn't immediately obvious to the private that he was now missing a leg. The job of carefully breaking the news fell to Chakwas and it wasn't one Shepard envied.

Having said that, she wasn't exactly thrilled with her own task of talking to the council either, at least she'd managed to get some sleep before the call. She was sorely tempted a couple of times to hang up on them and wasn't convinced she would have resisted the childish urge in her previous state.

She supposed she should be thankful they weren't telling her off for setting off an improvised nuke; 'Thou shalt not use Tier 3 WMDs on a garden world' ranked pretty highly on the list of galactic laws after all, but that would almost be preferable to their current conversation. At least she could understand why they'd be pissed about the nuke, except apparently they weren't. Instead it was:

"Our own intelligence has never turned up any corroborating evidence." _Where have I heard that before? I swear your 'intelligence' couldn't find an asari in a strip club!_

"What about the STG report from Captain Kirrahe?"

"The report on Saren cloning krogan and his research into mind control techniques, this... 'indoctrination', is indeed cause for concern. However there is still no concrete proof that he is working for anyone other than himself."

"Try to see this from our perspective, Saren is a threat we can recognise. However as far as we know the reapers only exist in your visions." _Great so now you're accusing me of being crazy._ _I bet Saren didn't have to put up with this much shit when HE was a spectre. Actually, maybe he did. Maybe that's why he went rogue and wants to unleash the 'vanguard of our destruction' upon us._

Somehow she got through the call without hanging up, swearing at the council (not out loud at least) or committing any acts of treason. Although it was a close run thing. As was so often the case after a talk with her new bosses she was left with an overwhelming urge to visit the gym and pummel the heavy bag into oblivion for a good half hour, but she restrained herself, deciding to check on her troops instead.

...

"Damn ma'am, what happened to you? You look worse than me." Was the far too cheerful greeting from Fredricks as she entered the med bay.

"Ouch, and to think I came bearing gifts." Shepard took mock offense.

"For me?" The young private sat up excitedly.

"Nope for your roommates." She deadpanned dropping a datapad off on the bedside tables of the still unconscious Alenko and Williams as she passed, before handing the final pad and a bag of gummy bears over to Fredricks, stage whispering conspiratorially: "I managed to smuggle these in from your squad. Don't tell the doc."

That earned her an eye roll from Chakwas who was sat within hearing range in the corner of the room. The doctor didn't protest though, she was used to the eccentricities of Alliance marines, and at least the commander had the sense to private message her in advance to check it would be ok before charging in and gifting unauthorized food substances to patients. Fredricks accepted the confectionary eagerly, popping one in his mouth without even looking at it as he fired up the datapad to scroll through the multiple well wishes from the crew.

It was easy to judge how well a person knew him from the message left. The 'Get well soon's and 'fingers crossed for a speedy recovery's of casual acquaintances interspersed with his teammates calling dibs on borrowing his crutches, inquiring as to the finer details of his successful action plan for 20% weight loss in just one week, and declaring him: "an absolute leg... wait for it, wait for it -end".

It was dark humour. Military humour. The kind not all civilians understood and Nick had received more than one light cuff to the shoulder from Trish in the past for using it in inappropriate situations when surrounded by 'normal society'.

Fortunately the occupants of the med bay weren't what Trish would term 'normal' and so Fredrick laughed instead of becoming outraged when he reached for another sweet and finally realised that his battle buddies had painstakingly gone through the pack and cut a leg off every single bear in the bag.

"I best be off, I think the vampire queen wants to see me." Shepard finally ended their long and varied conversation after a suitable amount of time spent entertaining Fredricks and boosting morale.

"Careful Commander, I can always find a bigger needle." Chakwas added, aware what Shepard was up to and content to play the pantomime villain if it raised a smile from the young marine whose life plans must seemingly feel freshly torn apart. The two officers continued acting around, Shepard even making funny faces for the private's benefit until they were sequestered away in private.

"How's he really holding up?" Nikki asked, instantly becoming serious once she knew they couldn't be overheard.

"Not nearly as well as he pretends, but thinking he's got me fooled is about the only form of control he's got right now." The doctor admitted as she started her checkup. "Hopefully your stories about Larrson will help. Making him laugh while subtly reminding him this doesn't have to be the end of his career unless he wants it to be. Although I'm not sure removing a prosthetic and pretending to be injured in the middle of a shopping mall car park is the kind of activity I should be encouraging."

"I will never forget that salarian's face, and the elcor's reaction was priceless." The soldier chuckled. "Been a long time since I admitted to anyone I was part of that prank."

"What about Larrson, is he still serving?" Shepard shook her head.

"No. Turns out even the best prosthetics in the galaxy can't help you outrun a thresher maw." She stated darkly before instantly perking up. "So how's it looking? Am I fit for duty?"

"As long as by 'duty' you mean walking around the ship giving orders and not running around being shot at then sure. I'll even include the word 'light' in your file so you don't get confused."

"And there was me hoping for dark duty." She joked. Even though the commander wasn't arguing against the decision, Chakwas could still see the look in her eye. The one she'd seen on so many soldiers before. The one that said: _but I_ _ **feel**_ _fine. I was in much worse shape after Day 3 of N whatever and I managed to complete that no bother._

"Just because you **can** do something with your body at less than peak efficiency, doesn't mean you should. The body benefits greatly from being allowed to recharge to 100% every now and again instead of being reused and abused every time you get close to 90%." Nikki nodded.

"What about melds? Much as I hate it, I could do with a second opinion from Liara about the new bits of vision from the second beacon. It's like a damn rubix cube right now. I know I've got all the bits of the puzzle but every time I manage to get the angle right in order for one bit to work, I lose another section from somewhere else. I just can't figure out how to twist it so it ALL makes sense at once."

"I'll allow it. As long as you take the necessary precautions like sitting or lying down. Why the vids insist on doing it standing up when the participants' legs could collapse under the strain and potentially lead to concussion, I'll never know."

...

"Ilos! The conduit is on Ilos!" Liara exclaimed, sitting up rapidly as she ended the meld.

"Great, I'll tell Pressly to start plotting a route from Arcturus. We can go as soon as we drop off the wounded."

"It's not that simple Commander." The asari quickly burst her bubble. "I recognise it from my Prothean studies but Ilos is only accessible through the Mu relay and that was lost four thousand years ago."

"How do you _**lose**_ a relay?" Shepard stated incredulously. Liara opened her mouth to answer but the commander stopped her with a wave of her hand. "You know what, doesn't matter. Different question: Will Saren be able to find it and what will he do if he can't?"

"I don't know. It was originally in rachni space when it was lost but after the rachni wars the borders shifted and the area became part of the Terminus systems. It is possible Saren may find some clue, but it is notoriously difficult to find a cold object in space."

"So short of camping out in the Terminus and hoping Saren comes to us, we're essentially back where we started?" Nikki clarified with a sigh. "I'll talk to Pressly and Adams anyway, see if either of them have any ideas."

"But... Nobody's seen it in four thousand years. What makes you think your people will have any luck."

"Sometimes all you need is a fresh pair of eyes. Besides how much of that four thousand years was actually spent looking and how much was spent saying 'it can't be found, there's no point trying'? Look... It's that or sit around doing nothing while the STG trawl through all that data from Virmire looking for something useful."

...

"Woah! That's not supposed to be there!" Joker called from the cockpit as the Normandy's automatic anti-collision failsafes pulled them out of FTL speed, mere seconds after Shepard arrived in the CIC. _I either have the best timing in the world or the worst._

"Impossible. I took the X57's movement plans into consideration when I plotted our course. We should fly straight past." Pressly assured them, even as his hands moved over his console.

"Switch to stealth mode." Shepard ordered as she made her presence on the bridge known. It might just be paranoia but she'd learnt to trust her gut instinct in these situations and it was screaming at her now. "Status report."

For some reason it was the Normandy VI that answered her before any of her crew could. "Sensors reveal three fusion torches propelling Asteroid X57."

"That **is** the usual way of transporting asteroids." Someone muttered before Pressly interrupted with what she wanted to hear. ( _Well... what she_ _ **needed**_ _to hear, want was another matter entirely._ )

"X57 is off course by 4.29 degrees, if it continues at current rate of speed without correcting course it will crash into Terra Nova in just under four hours."

"Nearest Alliance ship?" Shepard queried, after all she _**was**_ restricted to light duty and trying to get her critically wounded to Arcturus as soon as possible.

"Five hours and twenty seven minutes, full burn speed."

"Commander I'm picking up a distress signal from the asteroid. Patching it through."

{Hello? Hello? I thought I saw a ship. Can you hear me? Please don't be gone already. They haven't found me yet but I can't talk long. Please shut down the fusion torches or we're all going to die. God I hope your hearing this.}

"Wrex, Tali, Garrus. Suit up. Low gravity, zero atmosphere." The commander ordered over the comm system before turning to Pressly. "Find me an insertion point as close to one of the torches as possible without being seen. You have the deck."

The XO nodded as she turned on her heel and ran towards the cargo bay to suit up. _Chakwas is going to kill me._


	57. Noveria

"How's my favourite corporate goddess doing?" Trish blinked at the strange greeting as she answered the vid call.

"Wow, ok. That's a new one. What do you need?" Her eyes narrowed as her customary visual check of her fiance discovered the bruises around her neck. _**Old**_ looking bruises that she hadn't seen before. She didn't have the time or energy right now for the argument that mentioning it would provoke, but she made a mental note of it for later. _That idiot told me she was fine when I called her after hearing about Terra Nova on the news!_

"Who said I needed anything?" The soldier protested.

"The corporate goddess that's who. Either you need something or you've overdosed on medigel, which is it?"

"Hey! I'll have you know I've not even been shot at this week."

"It's only monday Nick, it's not that big of an achievement. _**Especially**_ when you spent the last two days on Arcturus." That had rankled slightly. The first time in months that Nikki was within a shuttle ride of home and Trish had still been on the citadel and unable to see her. Then later, when she found out why her partner was visiting the Alliance HQ in the first place, she'd had to feel guilty about that being her first response.

' _Williams and Alenko got knocked up pretty bad and Fredricks had to have his leg chopped off, we're dropping them all off for further treatment.' You missed out the bit where you were nearly strangled to death by a fucking krogan!_ Ok so maybe it wasn't a krogan. Trish was just speculating at this point. She didn't actually know the details. _Mainly because my idiot fiance hasn't told me about it!_ Said idiot was still happily making small talk blissfully unaware of her partner's ire.

"Actually you might be surprised how many fights break out on Arcturus. Lots of off duty service personnel with a limited choice of drinking holes. Inter-ship and regimental rivalries sometimes flare up."

"Good point, you only said you hadn't been shot this week, does that mean you've been stabbed, knocked out or blown up?"

"Not yet."

"Hmm, 'yet', very reassuring. Do _try_ and keep that streak going as long as possible, I'll have you know that the corporate goddess is a vengeful goddess... and also very busy." _You have no idea how lucky you are about that second point right now._ "Was there a reason for this call?"

"Do I need a reason to call my beautiful and amazing future wife?" Nikki attempted to turn on the charm but wilted under Trish's less than impressed look. "Alright, alright. Geez... try and give someone a compliment these days... You're a businesswoman right? You walk in corporate circles." The civilian raised a solitary eyebrow, sometimes she wondered if Nikki even knew what her job was. "And I'm a soldier, I... don't..."

"The point Nick? Much as I love you, I'm supposed to be working and I've got a meeting in twenty minutes." Loathe as she was to admit it, the charm had slightly cooled her wrath.

"Right, right, sorry. Didn't you have a business trip on Noveria a few years back? What can you tell me about the place?"

"It's bloody cold! Umm... The entire planet is owned by the Noveria Development Corporation, a consortium of about two dozen private companies. The main investors all have their own large, independent research facilities out in the Skadi Mountains, but there's also smaller research labs they rent out to anyone who can afford them. It's outside of citadel space which means outside citadel laws, and they really don't like anyone or anything that could interfere with either science or profits."

"Are you sure you're not a spy? You literally just summarised the entirety of Alliance Intelligence's report on the place." Shepard joked, desperately trying to not think about the last time she'd had to interact with corporate scientists operating without Citadel oversight. It had taken hours for the squad to finish wiping creeper pus off their weapons and armour.

"No, but I **am** a corporate goddess, goddesses are omniscient you know." Trish deadpanned, causing the soldier to chuckle.

"Hmm of course, how could I forget? Anything else the folks at intel don't know that you can give me?"

"I don't know, I don't know what your folks at intel know."

"What! I thought you were omniscient?" Shepard smirked as her partner raised a solitary finger at the camera.

"Well I'm sure even the guys at intel know that you'll have to fly into Port Hanshan, and the board doesn't let anyone carry weapons except their private security force."

"What if I play the spectre card?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. There weren't any spectres visiting while I was there. Outside Council space technically mean it's outside your jurisdiction but since most the companies headquarters are _**inside**_ council space you might be granted an exemption. If they do then I'm willing to bet it will only apply to you, not your crew." Nick nodded her understanding. "Worst case scenario I'll send you a code that sabotages ERCS weapons since that's who provides the security, and I assume you'll still have that knife you N7s love so much on you?"

"Hey it's not _**our**_ fault it doesn't set off weapon sensors!"

"Of course not dear, and it's complete coincidence you always forget you have it on you. Just be careful."

"Of course. Careful's my middle name!"

"No it's not, it's Jane."

"Shh, you're not supposed to _**tell**_ people. I still don't know why my mother thought you needed to know that..."

"It's not like she actually told me. I just happened to be in range when she was shouting at you..."

"I don't even remember what that was about."

"I do. You were-"

"Hey don't you have a meeting to get to?" The soldier was quick to interrupt what she was certain would be an embarrassing story.

"I've got a few more minutes. Besides goddesses are omni-present."

"I'm going to regret ever calling you that aren't I?"

"Mmhmm." Trish nodded in agreement. "You're right though, I probably should go. I'll message you if I think of anything that could help."

...

 _If there's one thing I should know about Trish by now..._ Shepard mused as she sat on some crates in the Port Hanshan docks, casually playing skyllian five with her crew as if she didn't have a care in the world, all under the watchful eye of a noticeably irritate Sergeant Stirling while the port security team ran the necessary checks on her ID. _It's that she's always right_.

"Thank you for your patience Spectre. It all checks out." Captain Matsuo informed them as she bustled out of the small security office to join them. "You may keep your weapons, but I'm afraid I can't allow your associates in unless they disarm." There was vocal protest from Wrex and Garrus but Shepard silenced them with a simple hand gesture.

"Enough grouching, do it or wait on the ship. Your choice guys." They made a show of begrudgingly handing over the weapons they'd taken out of the Normandy's lockers and individually walking through the weapons scanner while Nikki sauntered through with an entire armoury on her back.

"Captain, surely she doesn't need that much ma'am?" Sergeant Stirling protested. "She even has two shotguns! Why would anybody need two shotguns?"

"You never know when one of them's going to overheat." Shepard stated airily. "Second brigade Mindoirian girl scouts, 'always be prepared'." She was glad that Liara and Tali were staying on the ship for the moment. THREE shotguns, four pistols, Garrus's sniper rifle, an assault rifle and a submachine gun would probably have been a little much. Especially when a quick extranet search would reveal there hadn't even been a _first_ brigade of scouts on Mindoir.

As it was Captain Matsuo clearly wasn't fooled by the single assault rifle, sniper, two pistols and two shotties she was toting. Wearing a rather unimpressed _'I don't get paid enough for this'_ face.

"Spectre's are authorized to carry weapons Sergeant." She replied tiredly. "It doesn't state anywhere how few or many." The Normandy team remained straight faced all the way to the elevators.

...

Shepard already hated this planet and she hadn't even left Port Hanshan yet. Somehow Administrator Anoleis had managed the impossible and made an even worse first impression than Udina. Shepard would have been impressed if she wasn't so frustrated.

In between insulting her background and paraphrasing the old maxim 'time is money', he managed to confirm Benezia's presence at Peak 15, along with about a dozen commandos and a lot of very large crates containing he had no idea what. (Somehow Shepard doubted whatever it was was benevolent, even if it **had** passed weapons screening).

Unfortunately that was the extent of his usefulness. Both his assistant Parasini and the port's chief mechanic were far more forthcoming with information, although neither were willing to simply let her into the garage. Parasini had at least provided the name of someone who might be able to help, but Shepard wasn't in the mood for a wild pyjak chase (she'd had enough of that on Eletania) and decided to try her own approach first.

"Hey babe, you were right." Nikki had the common sense to check the vicinity for surveillance equipments before calling home. She'd already been approached by an asari trying to convince her to bug a competitor and wasn't stupid enough to think she was the only person in the place willing to stoop to such tactics. (Unfortunately she was only offering money as a reward, not a garage pass, otherwise the spectre might have been tempted.)

"I'm always right." Trish was as modest as ever. "What in particular are we talking about?"

"Noveria is cold, corrupt as hell and I can't wait to leave. Oh and uh..." She grinned as she tilted her shoulder so Trish could see the squad's weapons on her back. The civilian rolled her eyes with a sigh.

"So what are you calling me about this time? You don't need directions to the toilets do you, because I'm fairly sure you could ask a local."

"Oh _sure_ ," Nikki chuckled. "Apparently they can give me a map for 200 credits or 360 for the deluxe edition. Just how can you have a deluxe edition of a map? Anyway that's not why I'm calling... I don't suppose Kassa has anyone out here who you could contact and convince to lend me a Noverian garage pass?"

"Ah. They're playing that game are they? Sorry Nick, Kassa doesn't bother with a permanent presence out there. We only rent labs when we need them, the rest of the time we conduct our R&D in Alliance space."

"Do I _want_ to know why you'd need to rent a lab out here?" There was a wariness in the spectre's tone but Trish simply shrugged dismissively.

"Last time we wanted to run tests on how the colossus armour would hold up against illegal ammo mods. Couldn't exactly import illegal rounds into Council space without getting in trouble so we took the armour outside instead."

"Fair enough. Look I'd love to chat some more but my mission's not solving itself. I need to figure out how to get a garage pass before Benezia leaves the damn planet."

"Is Opold still there?"

"Who?"

"Hanar merchant slash smuggler, has a shop near the elevator to the docks. I'm sure he'd be able to get you a garage pass but he'd probably insist on a favour in kind rather than credits as payment."

"I'm not even going to ask how you know that. Alright if things don't work out with Lorik I'll give him a go."

"Good luck, sweetie. Oh and when you do get outside be careful, I don't want you losing any more toes." Nikki huffed at the jab even as it raised a smile.

"Hey, I checked the planetary guide, it's nowhere near as cold as Antibaar out there."

...

 _ **It is fucking freezing out here!**_ Shepard thought silently to herself, continuing to try and remain stoic as Garrus made another comment about turians not liking the cold, despite the fact she'd offered him the chance to stay on the ship when they collected the rest of the squad. Unfortunately the geth must have put anti-freeze in their conductive fluid because they didn't seem to be adversely affected at all.

The journey to Peak 15 was certainly hazardous, whiteout conditions making it almost impossible to see the geth until they were almost on top of them. Or, more commonly, until a sudden burst of light and heat signified a rocket flying towards them and it was only the commander's quick thinking and even quicker reactions that saved their lives, hitting the thrusters and jumping the mako _over_ the missiles. Liara and Tali were justifiably concerned but Shepard and the boys seemed determined to turn it into a sport, counting the number of successful jumps out loud.

After an undefeated 21 jump streak, they finally reached the facility. Nikki couldn't help wondering just how large these damn crates of Benezia's were, as there didn't seem to be any end to the number of geth arrayed against them. Still, variety was the spice of life and after mere seconds inside they found themselves under attack from organics.

"Garrus, Tali take the juggernaut. Wrex you've got the krogan on the right. Liara, we've got the one on the left." Shepard ordered as she threw a grenade. A third krogan was spotted to the side and the spectre silently cursed, they needed to take care of things quickly before he could join the fight.

That problem took care of itself however, the juggernaut suddenly turning to face the unengaged krogan as Garrus and Tali switched their attention to the smaller geth swarming the room. "Nice one Tals!" Shepard enthused as she fired her shotgun at point blank rage and side stepped the charge of her now blood raging opponent.

...

"When did my life become a horror movie?" Nikki lamented as they crept through the metal corridors of Peak 15, the squad understandably on edge at the slightest noise. One moment they had been making scrap metal out of geth and the next they were under attack by giant bugs.

Well ok, a mix of giant bugs and tiny, suicidal, acid exploding bugs that were so small and fast that they were hard to accurately shoot before they were close enough to do damage. "Anybody got any ideas what these things are?" She received a series of differently worded negatives in response, and decided it didn't matter what they were as long as they could be beaten.

Eventually they reached the VI core. Tali managed to reboot it and they were given a rather dire update on the situation and a long list of problems that needed to be fixed before they could continue. Shepard bit back a groan as she wondered how long she had before either Benezia escaped or the Noverian executive board decided to launch the orbital antimatter warheads that made up part of the failsafe responses against a Code Omega containment failure. _We don't have time for this._

"Ok, Wrex and I will take the roof and fix the landlines. Garrus you lead Team two and repair the reactors."

...

"You know, I didn't want to say anything in front of the kids but..." Wrex started once they were alone on the freezing rooftop. He paused to obliterate a swarm of little horrors with his shotgun before pivoting to punch one of the big bugs in the face. Shepard was too busy peppering their foes with her assault rifle to look at him but hung on to every word as the battlemaster continued: "This reminds me of the stories my grandfather used to tell me about the rachnhi wars."

"I thought the rachni were extinct?" Now that he mentioned it she could see a resemblance to the grainy vids from that conflict. Of course there were some differences; like they were unarmed and not surrounded by a mushy mountain of krogan and salarian dead, but certainly enough similarities to be worried about. If a geth presence on Noveria was enough to trigger an investor panic, live rachni was enough to trigger a galactic meltdown if it became public knowledge.

"They were. The old council demanded it and my ancestors made sure of it."

"Well, maybe these things are something new. Rachni and keepers can't be the only giant bug species in the galaxy." Nikki tried to stay optimistic but realistically she knew the chance of this being a first contact scenario were minuscule, and when it came to scientists anything was possible.

"Let's hope so Shepard. Last time it took three centuries and millions of krogan lives to stop them and that was before the genophage brought us to our knees. Next time round we won't be so much help. If these _**are**_ rachni and they get loose, the galaxy's in trouble."

...

"Binary Helix plan to clone rachni. Mass-produce them. Create an army." _Why!? Who could possibly think this would be a good idea? Can you even_ _ **spell**_ _stupid?_ Shepard mentally bemoaned as she shared a look with Wrex. When they left the ship to find Benezia this morning she hadn't expected to have to combat a second galactic extinction level threat.

 _Speaking of Benezia..._ Captain Ventralis had assured her the Matriarch was down here but the large room was empty save for the lone scientist sat in the middle, and he was adamant he hadn't seen her.

"Contact!" Suddenly the room wasn't quite so empty, rachni popping up seemingly out of nowhere. Fuckers were fast too. A claw ripping through Tartakovsky before she could pull him to safety. They fought their way across to the control room on the other side, Shepard dragging the scientist's body along with them.

"Wrex, Liara secure the door. Tali, Garrus search this room for vents." The commander ordered as she rifled through the dead man's pockets. _Please tell me you wrote the activation code down!_ "Mira, is there an asari in the hot labs?"

"There is an asari I am unable to identify standing behind you." Wrex chuckled while Liara remained less than impressed beside him.

"I _meant_ , are there any other asari down here? Preferably a matriarch. Lady Benezia."

"None within my sensors" A shotgun blast to her left signified Tali was securing a vent.

"How many of these things are there?" Garrus asked rhetorically but the VI decided to answer him anyway.

"I'm sorry. The sensor network is too damaged to provide an accurate count."

"Take a guess." Wrex contributed.

"Guessing is outside my programming parameters." Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Guys stop messing with the VI." She finally found an OSD with the code on it. "Mira, activate the neutron purge!"

...

"What could I say mother?! That you're insane? Evil?" They'd finally found Benezia and Liara was understandably distressed. Nikki felt for the young asari she really did, but she didn't take her eyes off her target. They'd always known what the most likely outcome of this encounter would be and she'd given the archaeologist a final chance to back out before descending into the hot labs where they originally thought they'd be facing her. In hindsight it was probably a good thing she hadn't stayed behind with Ventralis.

"Have you ever faced an asari commando unit? Few people have." Benezia tried to psych them out and Garrus and Tali seemed suitably unsettled, fortunately Wrex was looking out for them like always.

"Yeah I have. They die like anything else." The krogan's inspiring words signaled an end to the conversation, the matriarch enveloping the squad in a powerful stasis field. When Alenko had still been aboard the Normandy the commander had developed a training exercise where the squad split into two teams, the biotics worked on strengthening their stasis on a living target while the non-biotics attempted to break free. Even with that training however, Shepard wasn't sure they would have been able to regain movement before the incoming commandos turned them all to swiss cheese if they hadn't had the skills and experience of a battlemaster on hand. The battle against the matriarch was arguably harder than the recent duel against Saren and Nikki was glad to have her squad fighting beside her this time.

...

They had the co-ordinates for the Mu Relay. Apparently so did Saren. Benezia had had a brief moment of clarity when she'd been able to fight off the indoctrination and talk to them. Shepard couldn't decide whether that was better or worse for Liara. Her mother had got to say goodbye and insist she was proud of her, but at the same time now the maiden was probably wondering if there had been any way they could have saved her.

Tali and Garrus were keeping watch in case of further hostiles while Liara took a moment to grieve. Normally there wasn't time on a battlefield, a fact Shepard always drummed into her troops, but these weren't soldiers they were civilians and besides, she and Wrex were busy with the rachni queen.

"There's enough acid rigged to that tank to kill anything."

"Nice to see stupidly evil scientists actually take sensible precautions for once." Shepard opined as she studied the controls.

"Watch out!" The spectre spun round, pistol raised at the warning to find one of the dead commando's lurching drunkenly towards the tank with vacant eyes. She had thought herself immune to surprise by now, but the rachni queen using the dead as a mouthpiece was certainly unexpected. To the best of her knowledge no rachni had ever attempted to communicate with any of the other species before.

The asari had tried of course. Attempting to negotiate a ceasefire shortly after First Contact, much like they had between humanity and the turians, but received no reply. The salarians had attempted to surrender after the first few decades of war found them on the back foot and rapidly loosing territory, but no response or quarter was given.

The krogan had... Ok, so the krogan HADN'T actually bothered trying to talk to the bugs, but then by the time they'd been uplifted and joined the fight the war had already been waging for nearly a century and the council had declared the rachni an enemy to galactic stability and ordered their extermination.

Whatever way you looked at it, this was undoubtedly one for the history books. Or at least, it would have been if the mission reports weren't going to end up so heavily redacted and classified that even the commander would struggle to get hold of them without resorting to spectre codes.

The queen certainly talked a good game, but then it wouldn't be the first time someone lied to her in an attempt to save their own skin. Garrus's old foe, Dr Saleon, merely being the most recent example. All sapient life would try it's hardest to survive, and that included saying and promising just about anything to a would be executioner.

Liara seemed convinced by the rachni's pleas at least. Or maybe she'd just seen too much death today and was desperately grasping at the chance to save someone, anyone, in the hope of there still being some good in the world. Despite being the second oldest aboard the Normandy in terms of number of years alive, the asari was still the youngest in terms of maturity and naivete.

Garrus actually had a good idea, suggesting they let the council make the decision. Considering she had the feeling they'd criticise her decision no matter which way she went, it was certainly a tempting idea. Unfortunately they were unable to connect to any external communications systems outside Peak 15, even with Mira attempting to boost the signal and Shepard wasn't willing to leave the queen just sitting in the tank while they buggered off to make a call.

Anything could happen. More scientists could claim her or she could escape on her own and feel entirely vindicated in any retribution plans. No, whatever happened it would need to be decided before they left this room.

Wrex seemed astonished that she was even allowing the rachni a chance to speak, he was clearly worried about her being swayed. She could hardly blame him. Apart from the salarians his people had suffered more than any other species during the first war and they were the only ones there in the tunnels on Suen at the bitter end. To him it would seem like both a betrayal of his people's sacrifice and the perversion of the only time in their history the krogan were seen as the 'good guys' on the galactic scale.

She wasn't about to commit murder purely as a result of peer pressure though. Then again there was also the matter of her oaths to consider. Shepard had sworn two in fact. One when she joined the Alliance, to protect their people and their planets, and another upon being inducted into the spectres. To promote and maintain galactic peace and stability... no matter the cost.

 _The genocide happened millennia ago, I'd merely be maintaining the status quo_. Shepard sighed, she wondered how many times she'd have to tell herself that before she believed it. That was the problem with tough decisions, there was no way of knowing the right answer and they were very easy to regret. All you could do was compare possibilities.

What was the best case scenario if she saved the queen? A peaceful cohabitation with a new species. Worst case scenario? A Second Rachni War. The krogan unable to replenish their numbers fast enough to fight a war of attrition due to the genophage and none of the other species strong enough to hold out.

And if she killed the queen? The opportunity to prevent any possibility of a war breaking out between their species in the future, saving untold millions of human and council races' lives. Versus having the death of one innocent being on her conscious. One more nightmare to join her collection alongside Akuze, Operation Amadeus and all the others.

" _Queens can lay eggs in hours and have a colony in days."_ Shepard remembered the scientist's words. Even **if** this queen could be trusted, all it would take was for just one of her offspring to rebel against her teachings and the galaxy would be thrown into turmoil. Could she really afford to take that risk?

"I'm sorry." She actually meant it as well, she reflected as she manipulated the tank's controls. Wrex nodded, pleased with her decision. Tali and Liara turned their backs and even Garrus looked at the ground to avoid the gruesome spectacle, but Nikki couldn't turn away. She watched the entirety of the last rachni's painful and horrific death, swallowing down the bile that tried to rise in her throat, her stomach turning at the sight. Committing every gory detail to memory. She owed the queen that much at least.

...

 **Author's note:** I'm not dead! Sorry for the delay with this one, was really struggling to write the big decision with the rachni queen. Especially without seeming out of character for a so far practically entirely paragon Shepard. Hopefully I pulled it off and it works, although I imagine a few of you will be surprised by the choice.


	58. Chapter 58

Shepard had a long history of wanting to punch things after talking to the council. She had always managed to control the urge before, but this time she wasn't sure if she'd be able to restrain herself. The annoyance, irritation, anger, _**rage**_ growing with each step she took back to the Normandy.

False promises from politicians was nothing new of course, but Pressly had just finished plotting a course from Noveria to the Mu relay when they were called back to the Citadel to rendezvous with the fleet. They could have been half way to Ilos by now if she hadn't believed their lies, but she'd known how close her team had come to defeat on Virmire and the idea of bringing reinforcements for the rematch was highly appealing.

Only when she'd arrived at the council chambers they'd talked about blockades and defense. Worse, they weren't just not giving her backup they were taking her off the playing field altogether. Locking down her ship and ordering her to 'let it go'. _Of all the stupid, imbecilic times to play politics._

Somehow she made it back to the Normandy, only a skeleton crew present as she strode through the relatively quiet CIC and down to the empty mess deck, unbuttoning the jacket on her dress blues as she went to reveal the general issue, long-sleeve technical t-shirt she usually roamed the ship in.

She'd nearly made it to the safety of her room when the words: _backstabbing little shi-_ passed through her mind and her left fist swung out of its own accord, hitting a nearby locker with a satisfying thud. She pivoted on her feet, fist already winging its way forward for another clang, and her arm was already halfway back in preparation for a third throw when she regained enough self-control to realise it wasn't worth the risk of a broken hand.

She turned her back to the locker and slumped to the floor with a sigh, letting the jacket drop and struggling to get her breathing back under control. It wouldn't do for a member of the crew to walk round the corner and see her like this. _Shit, the crew_. How the hell was she supposed to tell them they'd been stood down? That the last few months were for nothing and they'd been ordered to leave Saren and his giant ass reaper ship, Sovereign, alone.

 _Sovereign... What an antiquated word._ She knew it meant ruler, a king or a queen, but she couldn't help the way the word niggled at her subconscious, and she was reminded of being back in the mud at the villa; 'asshole instructor no.2' (later to become known as Trev) shouting at her.

" _Did you even read the damn book last night? When I ask for the nine variables, I expect to hear all of them! Can you even count Two-Six?" Shepard dragged her tired body up the obstacle course's scramble net as she continued to quote by rote that bloody book she'd had to read at stupid o'clock this morning, while her fellow trainees got an extra hour's sleep:_

" _There are some roads not to follow; some troops not to strike; some cities not to assault; and some ground that should not be contested..." She gasped a lungful of oxygen as she pulled herself over the top and started back down the other side. "There are occasions when the commands of the sovereign need not be obeyed."_

Back on the Normandy, Shepard's breathing had evened out, her eyes hardening with steely determination as she remembered another quote: _"When you see the correct course act. Do not wait for orders."_

Sure there was a stark difference between acting without orders and acting in direct contravention of an order, but her job was to protect galactic peace and stability. She couldn't stand around and do nothing while the council put the fate of the galaxy at risk. Besides, they were the ones who had authorised her to end the threat posed by Saren using 'any means necessary' and they hadn't put a time limit on that order, or included any stipulations such as 'until we order you otherwise'. As far as she was concerned ignoring their act of lunacy _**was**_ necessary.

This wasn't over, no matter what the council thought. Her brain whirled as it analysed the situation. If the Normandy was grounded then she'd just have to find another way to get to Ilos. Fortunately her villa training had included multiple ways to hijack a ship and it wasn't the first time she'd made use of that particular skill. Although admittedly doing it on the Citadel would prove a new and interesting challenge.

Shepard dragged herself to her feet with a renewed sense of purpose, grabbing her hoody and a spare, unregistered omni-tool before heading off the ship. She had a mission to plan.

...

Anderson ignored the loud pulsing music as his eyes carefully combed the crowds in Flux for his target. He finally found her in the corner with a half empty bottle of booze, another fingers worth in a glass beside her. A perfect picture of the stereotypical worn down soldier turned to drink, except that he knew Shepard had been tee-total for years.

 _If the Council managed to make her fall off the wagon they need more than a sharp-_ His thoughts were interrupted as he got close enough to read the label on the bottle and realised it was _his_ drink of choice.

"I wondered if you'd come looking for me." The spectre stated mildly as she turned off her ( _no, not 'her',_ _ **an**_ _)_ omni-tool and topped up the glass of whisky, sliding it over to him. "Can I get you a drink?"

"I wouldn't say no to a rum and coke." The old N7 answered casually, knowing what it was she was really asking and noting how her body relaxed as he confirmed he wasn't there to bring her in. It was a good thing he still remembered their own personal secret code.

Many a time in the past they'd acted as each other's contact with the real world when one or the other of them had to infiltrate a merc group or other unsavoury organization, and bars were by far the least conspicuous place to meet up. It was amazing how many prearranged messages you could encrypt into a drinks order.

"I'm sorry Shepard, I heard what happened. I wanted to warn you, but there was no way to get a message to you before you docked."

"Hmm, you could have left a boulder and a bottle of ryncol waiting on the docks for me." In other words 'Ryncol on the rocks', their old code for _'shit's hit the fan, get out of there NOW!'_ The thought of leaving physical messages in bar code had never even occurred to him before, but fortunatelyShepard's tone was light, acknowledging his words and not blaming him in the slightest and he found himself chuckling.

"I'll remember that for next time."

"Next time?" She raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Just how many times are we planning to piss off the council?"

"At least once more I'd wager from the look of you." He nodded towards her cover alcohol and the untraceable omni-tool. "You're not giving up are you?" The commander shook her head by the minutest amount. "Do you have a plan yet?" She weighed him up appraisingly before flicking the omni-tool back on with a nod.

"I need to get to Ilos, that means I need a ship. I've narrowed it down to three possibilities so far." Anderson was impressed as he listened to the reasonings behind her choices, trying to balance out the need of speed, firepower, shields and ease of hijacking. Unfortunately there was one fact she was ignoring.

"You'll be ripped to shreds as soon as they see you come out the other end of the Mu relay." Shepard glared at him, mistaking the criticism of her plan as a lack of support for her mission and the captain was quick to continue. "So long as you're going to be stealing a ship you might as well steal the best, and there happens to be a ship docked on the Citadel right now that can get you into the Terminus systems undetected."

"The Normandy's grounded, Citadel control's locked out all of her systems and even I'm not mad enough to storm the council chambers at gun point to take them hostage and order my ship released." The spectre quickly dismissed, smart enough to decipher which ship he meant but still failing to note the key detail of the whole affair.

"The council didn't ground the Normandy though." Anderson pointed out patiently. "Udina did." He watched as Shepard's face morphed from confusion to understanding as the penny finally dropped. "The order can be rescinded from the ambassador's office."

"I'm a fucking idiot!" She groaned with a double face palm, her old friend and mentor chuckling across the table. He didn't interrupt as he watched her take the new information and run through possible scenarios in her head, following her thought processes through the changing crease of frown lines on her face, the occasional twitch of lips or shake of her head as she concocted and tweaked a plan on the fly. Finally she looked up at him with a grimace.

"There's too much distance between Udina's office and the docks. Even if he hasn't put an order out to be informed the moment I'm sighted in the embassies, there's a high chance of someone reinstating the lockdown before I can get back to the ship. I might be better of going through the Citadel control center."

"You might..." Anderson acknowledged, leaving out the part about it being a restricted area with armed guards. They were both N7s, she'd get in the same way as he would. " _ **OR**_ you could make use of someone on the inside who already has a desk and a reason to be inside the embassy. All you'd need to do is make sure the Normandy's ready to fly."

"That's treason Sir." She pointed out as if there was even a remote possibility he might not have realised the fact for himself. It was concern rather than accusation in her voice though. They both knew the penalty if they were caught.

"No more than what you're doing. I'd rather be court martialed by a galaxy that's safe than watch the reapers destroy us because Saren found the conduit while we did nothing. At least this way you'll have more of a chance than with your dumb ass plan." He attempted to inject some levity to the conversation. Her eyes narrowed as she ran through it all again before nodding with a sigh, it would have to do.

...

"Have you ever really, really wished you were wrong about something even though if you're wrong you'll be branded a traitor?" Shepard sat watching the screen on her desk in the captain's cabin aboard the Normandy. The Mako was prepped, weapons checked and she had half a dozen different vague outlines of a plan ready to tweak when they finally arrived at Ilos and found out what the situation was. There was nothing left to do but wait, and she hated waiting. At some point she had decided to vid call Trish, it hadn't taken long for her fiance to work out something was wrong and start questioning her.

"No... I can't say I have." Trish replied cautiously. "What've you done?"

"I'm going after Saren."

"Well yeah, I know _that_. That's pretty much been your prime directive since you were made Spectre."

"Yeah but this time I know exactly where he is and what he wants. Even if I'm not entirely sure what what he wants actually **is**." Trish was looking somewhat confused, Nikki could practically see the words: _'isn't that a good thing?'_ broadcast in giant neon lights across her face. "Aaand I'm ignoring a direct order from the council to not go after him."

"What! **Why?** "

"Because it's a stupid ass order!"

"No, I meant why the hell are they ordering you to stand down? They're the ones who instructed you to bring him in in the first place."

"I don't know, cos they're stupid ass people?" Nikki scowled and Trish chuckled despite herself. "Apparently they don't want to risk a war by sending a fleet into the Terminus systems."

"Well fine, don't send a fleet into the Terminus. I fail to understand how that translates into not letting you go. Wasn't the whole _point_ of making you a spectre so you could hunt down Saren without sending fleets into dubious parts of space?"

"That's what I thought, and what with him wanting to acquire something that he reckons will help him destroy the whole galaxy I decided to ignore them and steal the Normandy-"

"You stole your own ship?" The civilian asked incredulously.

"They put it under lockdown." Nikki shrugged with forced casualness. "Still, look on the bright side, it'll all be over soon and we'll finally be able to pick a date for the wedding. Although... If I get court martialed for this I probably won't be allowed to wear my dress blues." Trish stared at her fiance in disbelief.

"I think we'll have bigger things to worry about than what you're wearing to the wedding!" _Like galactic annihilation if you're right and a firing squad if you're wrong._

"That's true. Have you decided on a flavour for the cake yet?"

" **That's** your idea of bigger things to worry about?"

"Mhmm." Nikki nodded adamantly. "I might be starting to regret putting you in charge of planning if you don't agree. You _**need**_ to sort out your priorities."

"So... Saren, the geth, these reaper things, you're not worried about them at all?"

"Nope, not really. They're just minor obstacles on the path to getting cake. It's important to have goals in life, know what you're fighting for." Trish could see a faint slither of nerves and apprehension in her partner's eyes and body language but it was well hidden and if Nikki was so determined to pretend otherwise, to seek a few moments of distraction and the illusion of normalcy then who was she to deny her. There was one thing she wasn't willing to let slide however.

"Oh really? So you're not fighting to see me again then?"

"Of course I'm fighting to come back to you babe." Nikki was quick to assure her, pausing a beat before adding with a grin: "You've got the cake!"


	59. Ilos & Battle of the Citadel

Shepard had _**told**_ them not to scream on the way down. The fact that what they were doing was crazy and bordering on suicidal meant she needed to be able to concentrate even more than usual, **not** be distracted by unnecessary noise.

After all Pressly had been half right when he stated you needed 100 metres of open terrain for a mako drop. That _**was**_ the minimum recommended safe distance listed in the manufacturer's operation manuals, but the shortest confirmed successful drop in a combat zone was 76 metres and the current training record at the Villa was 42.8. Shepard knew because she had set it.

Twenty metres was half that. It was unthinkable. Insane. Even Murdock, her pilot for the Villa stunt, wasn't mad enough to suggest trying it and he had later been declared certifiable. Still, those records had all been carried out on the old Hastings class frigates, the Normandy had much better specs. Plus Joker kept claiming to be the best pilot in the Alliance and she had smashed every IFV related record in Villa history, if anybody could pull it off it would be the two of them.

Joker was confident at least. Then again he wasn't the one that would go splat if anything went wrong. Shepard spent a few more minutes confirming the proposed approach trajectory, making sure they were both on the same page and knew what the other was doing, before heading down to the cargo bay. She geared up, strapping herself into the driving seat of the mako and telling the squad to stay quiet for the next few minutes and let her focus, no matter _what_ happened. In fairness, at least they waited until she'd hit the ground.

"Uh, Shepard?" Garrus was just unclenching his muscles after what had to be the scariest moment in his life when he suddenly realised they didn't seem to be stopping. In fact if anything they seemed to be picking up speed. The commander didn't acknowledge him and he followed the direction of her narrowed gaze to find Saren walking backwards away from them, his eyes locked onto the mako as the bunker doors started closing between them. "Tarc! **SHEPARD!** "

"FUCK!" The human swore as she took her foot off the throttle, slamming it onto the brakes and wrenching the steering wheel round, the mako skidding to a halt mere centimeters outside the very solid and now undisputedly shut door. "Tali, see if you can hack it open. Everyone else covering fire."

...

Trish's work colleagues could tell there was something wrong with the brunette within minutes of her walking into the office. It was like her body was present but her mind wasn't as she kept glancing at the news screen in the corner, almost as if she was waiting for something to happen.

She'd nearly called in sick this morning with how nauseous she was feeling, but she was aware enough of her own personality and foibles to know that sitting at home with nothing else to do but worry was not a good idea. And worry she certainly was.

So far there had been no mention of her fiance's unauthorised flight from the Citadel, no claims of humanity's first spectre going rogue or committing treason and needing to be brought in for justice, but she was certain it was only a matter of time. She couldn't work out if she was glad about the prior warning from Nikki or not. Finding out from an impersonal news report would likely have left her distraught, but she didn't feel particularly strong or whole right now either. She certainly wasn't productive.

Realising she wasn't going to get any of her own work done any time soon she decided to head over and chat with Matthias, the project lead on the new tech armour Nikki had been field testing for the last couple of months. He was more than willing to boast about the latest improvements to the project and the distraction was working right up until he proudly declared:

"We've finally found a way to manually trigger that energy pulse field like your Nikki wanted. It still overloads the shield resulting in a good two minutes before the defensive properties can be brought back online, but she assures me the explosion is worth the trade off."

"Wait, what!? You're telling me she's planning on deliberately destroying her own shields in the middle of combat?"

"Ah, I'm guessing she didn't tell you about the incident with the biotics." At least Matthias had the decency to look contrite.

"I'm going to kill her." Trish declared with feeling, but the look of anger on her face quickly transformed into one of dedicated focus that her co-workers were much more familiar with. "Let me have a look at the code a moment, there's something I've been working on for Polaris that might be able to help reduce cooldown times for you."

...

Liara felt as if all her birthdays had come at once, certainly her muscles were sore and weary enough to have aged a century or three since the mission started, but the archaeologist inside her was thrilled at all the new discoveries, almost like little presents with Ilos being the planet that kept on giving.

First it had been what the rest of the team had dubbed 'those creepy statues'. Tali had been unable to hack the door, forcing them to search for a control room and they'd discovered row upon row of the seated figures. They had to be well over 60,000 years old but were remarkably well preserved, excluding the one the commander had briefly taken refuge behind that had promptly lost its head and shoulders to weapon's fire. Geth armatures didn't seem to be programmed with an appreciation or concern for historical artifacts. As they continued on their way to the objective Liara wondered what the statues were supposed to represent. The tentacle mouths proved they weren't a collection of famous protheans, perhaps some kind of deity or mythical creature? Either way they were like nothing she'd ever seen before.

Then they reached the control room and found actual working prothean technology! Well ok, according to Shepard 'working' was a bit of an exaggeration. The recording was heavily degraded, only a few words distinguishable, but even that was more than what was found on most prothean planets. Not to mention the implications and possibilities of the discovery that the Feros cipher had apparently transferred an understanding of the prothean language into the commander's brain. The asari hadn't recognised a single word despite decades of study and she wondered if she could convince Shepard to share the cipher with her when this was all over. It could completely revolutionize her work.

An understanding of Prothean hadn't been necessary for their next discovery however. A VI calling itself 'Vigil' had been monitoring their comms since they landed and managed to piece together enough of their language to communicate with them all. Shepard had focused on the five key questions: who, what, how, when, why, and the answers had been universe shattering. Liara would have loved to spend more time talking to Vigil, her head filled with a thousand questions, but the knowledge that Saren could open up a portal to dark space and allow the rest of the reapers through to wipe out sentient life was enough to convince her to turn her back on the pinnacle of her career. Although it was still so hard to walk away.

"T'Soni, let's go! You can come back after we save the galaxy." _Yes,_ Liara thought as she jogged to catch up with the others, _I definitely have to come back here._

...

David Anderson was **not** having a good day. He was starting to think he should have gone on the run after punching Udina after all. However going on the run was what a guilty person would have done, and he had no intention for his obituary to read 'killed while resisting arrest'. Instead he had sat calmly and patiently at the ambassador's desk, sending out orders or suggestions (depending on rank) to those members of the Alliance he could trust.

C-Sec had arrived before any Alliance MPs and so he had been forced to spend the night and most of the following morning in a C-Sec holding cell, his eyes closed as he sat with his back against the wall, desperately trying to ignore the drunken singing from the cell next door. He had never seen the musical version of 'Fleet and Flotilla', and now he was certain he never wanted to. How he wished for the silence and solitude of an Alliance brig. Even if it did mean he would be one step closer to a court martial.

"Anderson! Your escort's here." Came a bellow down the hallway. _Finally,_ he smiled grimly to himself, not opening his eyes until he heard footsteps halt outside his door. _Sometimes wishes do come true._

He stood, walking over and offering his arms through the bars so he could be handcuffed before they let him out. As he was marched away an argument broke out among his erstwhile neighbours over who would make a better Bellicus. Thankfully the transfer paperwork had already been taken care of by the time he reached reception and he didn't have to wait. Even so, they had only just made it to the parking lot when the first distant explosion ripped through the air, shortly followed by the faint indistinct chatter of far away weapons fire coming from the direction of the Presidium.

"Who would be foolish enough to attack the Citadel?" One of his guard's asked as they all instinctively took cover.

"Five hundred credits says it's geth." Anderson replied with forced casualness, shrugging as the Corporal looked at him. "Shepard did try warning people."

"Shut up. Don't talk to the prisoner." The squad leader tried to take control, pushing the N7 into the Alliance shuttle. The enforced silence left him alone with his thoughts and they weren't pleasant. If the geth were here then Saren must have achieved his goals on Ilos, the question was whether Shepard had been too late to stop him, or did she arrive just in time to be overwhelmed and killed by the rogue turian?

He dragged his mind away from such dark topics, focusing his gaze outside the window to the chaos unfolding on the ground below. He should be down there, helping protect and evacuate the civilians or fighting back the geth invaders. His attention was caught by the relay monument, the rings spinning and glowing blue like the giant transport devices dotted around space it was supposed to represent. All of a sudden something shot out from nowhere. It looked like an Alliance mako but surely he had to be hallucinating? A glance at his escort confirmed they'd seen it too, an expression of pure befuddlement on their faces.

"What the hell was that?"

"Shepard." Anderson declared with a sudden sense of certainty, hope beginning to rise in his chest. "Commander god damn Shepard." He laughed, the marine detail watching warily as he shook his head in glee, only stopping when the vehicle jerked suddenly, sobering instantly as they crashed towards the ground courtesy of a hit from a geth armature cannon. Near their impromptu landing site a group of geth were dragging screaming civilians towards those strange husk creating spikes. It looked like he was going to get to fight today after all. He quickly took off his handcuffs, earning another horrified look from the poor men assigned to bring him in.

"How..."

"I'm an N7 son. I could have escaped at any point in the last twenty hours, I just didn't want to. Now are you going to sit there gawping or come with me and show these geth what humanity can do?" He didn't wait for a response, breaking into the shuttle's weapon locker for a standard issue assault rifle before stepping out onto the war torn Citadel.

...

Saren watched Sovereign attach itself to the Presidium tower with a strange sense of detachment. Surely he aught to feel _something_. Pride in a job well done, a sense of accomplishment for years of work finally coming to fruition, horror at what he was about to unleash. _Hang on, where had that thought come from?_ It vanished as quickly as it came, the fear of his thoughts being altered disappearing before he even had a chance to fully realise he'd had it.

He was unsure how long he'd stood there, effortlessly and thoughtlessly inputting commands on the control panel before gunfire erupted in the council chambers behind him and he turned to find that dratted Shepard woman rapidly advancing towards him. The human was like a varren with a bone, never letting go no matter how hard you kicked it. It was infuriating. _Imagine if she was on our side._ Why would he ever want a human on his side? They were responsible for his brother's death. _All organics will share the same fate in the end._

Again, the thought did not feel entirely his own. He didn't have time to analyse it now though, the heavily armed mixed species squad behind him presenting a much more pressing issue as he casually stepped off the end of the podium, dropping onto his personal anti-grav transport. He decided to take out his confused frustration on the human, throwing a grenade in her direction but she had the gall to dive out the way of the blast. _See what I mean? Infuriating._

To make matters worse, not only did she not die but Saren swore he heard a petulant, almost childlike whine of:"Not again! Why don't I ever get a hoverboard?" He aimed his pistol ready to fire the moment he had a target but was stopped by a thought insisting he make her see, make her understand and join them. It was a bloody stupid thought, another part of him stated. When you're winning you should go for the kill, not give the enemy time to recover.

Despite his protests he felt his mouth open and heard his voice say: "I was afraid you wouldn't make in time Shepard."

"Sorry if I kept you waiting, traffic was a nightmare and don't even get me started on how slow those Citadel elevators are. In the end I decided I'd be quicker walking." She was bantering. The dawn of the reapers was here, the end of this cycle nigh and the damn human was bantering. How he hated them.

"You've lost. You know that don't you?"

"I'm still breathing, don't count me out just yet." Shepard risked glancing round her cover as she called out, finding the rogue spectre's attention fixed firmly on her position she pulled back so he couldn't see her and gestured to Garrus on the other side of the stairwell. Her turian companion nodded and started crawling backwards.

"In a few minutes Sovereign will have full control of all the Citadel systems. The relay will open and the reapers will return." Saren was still talking, it had seemed stupid to Shepard at first but now it made a bit more sense, he was simply stalling for time.

"A few minutes? Bah, that's plenty of time for me to stop you." Her words were strong and confident, but in the privacy of her own head Nikki could only hope she was right about that.

"You survived our encounter on Virmire, but I've changed since then, improved. Sovereign has upgraded me."

"Oh yeah? The Bluewire mark seven is an improvement over the mark two but it's still a shit omni-tool." There it was again, that mocking, that inability to take things seriously. Of all the spectres in the galaxy why did the council have to send a human after him? _Just kill her, she can't help us, better to kill her now._ He wasn't even sure which of the voices in his head were his and which were Sovereign's any more.

"You don't understand Shepard, there _**is**_ a place for organics in the new order." He tried once more to make her understand, or at least his voice did, he wasn't entirely sure why he was bothering, or which side he even wanted her to be on. "The reapers need men and women of action, people like us, Sovereign recognises your value, you've impressed it. Surrender to the reapers and you will be spared. Join us and we can find a place for you." She laughed. Spirits help him, the damn pyjak laughed.

"Don't tell me you believe that? I thought you were supposed to be intelligent. The reapers would never see us as allies, merely tools. They're just using you and once you help them destroy everything good in this galaxy they'll just throw you away. No, I'd rather die fighting than live like that."

"Then you will die, you and your companions. Everyone you've ever known and loved."

 _Oh hell no,_ Shepard thought, her sense of humour vanishing in an instant as she wondered if Garrus had had enough time to get into position yet. _Try and kill me all you want, but you do_ _ **not**_ _get to threaten Trish._ The turian was still talking, sounding almost desperate as he insisted the reapers couldn't be stopped. It reminded her of the bone chilling message on Ilos but the last cycle's scientists had kept working after the destruction of their people and given them a chance. It was a chance Shepard intended to make the most of.

"Think it through Saren. Sovereign needs you, he can't bring the rest of the reapers through without your help. Stop helping them. Resist. Stand aside and we can end this now, before any more make it through. Sovereign's just one ship. A fucking big one granted, but if we work together we can stop it."

"The reapers won't give up. They'll find another way." A series of clicks in her ear informed her her teammates were in position and she made sure her shields and tech armour were both on max before standing up in front of Saren.

"Perhaps, but not today. And not through the Citadel. That gives us an advantage none of the previous cycles had, and if we push them back today then we'll have time to prepare for them, they've lost the element of surprise now."

"Maybe you're right, maybe there is still a chance for- urgh!" The turian grabbed his head and Shepard recognised the mental struggle between puppet and master from her talk with Benezia on Noveria.

"Sovereign is too strong. I'm sorry it's too late for me." He declared before several things happened at once, the world slowing down as Shepard watched events unfurl before her. One of Saren's hands placed his pistol under his own chin, even as the other tried to throw a grenade at her, meanwhile his shields flickered and faltered as Tali hit him with an overload. The familiar sharp retort of Garrus's sniper rifle rung out a split second later, seemingly echoed by the sound of the ex-spectre's own pistol. Wrex biotically batted the grenade back to source and Nikki felt her skin tickle as Liara covered her with a barrier. There was a moment where the turian simply wobbled in place, the various different forces impacting on his body canceling each other out, before he toppled from his perch and crashed dramatically to the ground below them.

"Well..." Shepard paused, struggling to think of a suitable witty remark before shaking her head. They didn't have time for one liners. Instead she gave the go-ahead for Tali to upload Vigil's data file while she used her Spectre authorization codes to listen in on the various channels and frequencies in use around the Citadel and among the fleets, trying to get an idea of what was happening to the bigger picture so to speak.

It wasn't looking good. Sovereign was inside the closed arms, clenched tight round the tower as it attempted to signal it's brethren. Several geth drop ships had also made it inside but the bulk of the enemy fleet remained outside, the vast majority of them focused on bringing down the Destiny Ascension, while a mere handful bothered engaging the rest of the Citadel forces.

"Normandy to the Citadel. Normandy to the Citadel. Tell me that's you Commander?" It seemed her channel jumping hadn't gone entirely unnoticed and Nikki smiled as Joker's voice sounded in her ear.

"You were expecting someone else?"

"Ares, god of war, or possibly the tooth fairy. Instead I somehow got a mix between the two." The pilot replied with impressive speed.

"I can't work out if you're calling me the god of teeth or a war fairy." Shepard shot back and Joker chuckled before suddenly remembering the gravitas of the situation.

"Uh, I'm sat out here with the entire Arcturus fleet any chance you could open the relays and let us in."

"Will do, soon as I figure out which button to press." Her study of the control panel was interrupted by noise of dissent among her team. "Uh guys? Can we maybe save the galaxy first, argue among ourselves later."

"Sorry Commander, we just heard a distress call from the Destiny Ascension. They can't hold out much longer and the council are onboard."

"Sod 'em, they wouldn't listen to us before why should we listen to them now." Wrex declared churlishly, everybody else was quick to add their own opinions, varying between purely emotional responses and actual tactical reasonings.

"ENOUGH!" The N7 bellowed. "Tali I need the relays unlocked and the arms open now. Wrex, Garrus, make sure Saren's definitely dead." They muttered slightly at the obvious piece of make-work, but obeyed anyway.

"I hope you know what you're doing Shepard." A final remark on the way past. _I hope so too,_ Shepard sighed but kept the thought to herself.

"We heard the distress call too Commander." Joker quietly piped up. "What's the order, save the Ascension or focus on Sovereign?" It felt like an age but was only mere seconds as her brain whirred through the possibilities and made a decision. Knowing that either way the casualties would be high.

 _Forget the council a moment, they're not even supposed to be there. Their evacuation ship is usually the Libero, they probably only changed at the last minute because they realised Saren would know that. The reason the geth are focusing on the Destiny Ascension is because she has the largest main gun in council space, possibly in the galaxy. She's the biggest threat to Sovereign out there. The planetry defense cannons on Eden Prime didn't even cause a scratch and the Fifth fleet doesn't have anything that can come close to matching the DA's firepower._

"We need to save the Destiny Ascension. Don't let her leave the system afterwards though, I get the feeling we're going to need her guns."

...

Saren, it turned out, hadn't been quite as dead as he was supposed to be. An oversight that Shepard and co had been only too keen to rectify. There was no doubting the result the second time round, although there was little time to celebrate it when the destroyed remains of Sovereign were rushing towards them.

"Run!" Shepard shouted and that was the last they saw of her until the rescue crews showed up, Captain Anderson in tow.

"Take it easy you're safe now. Where's the Commander?" His heart sank slightly as he followed their pointing hands in the direction of an even bigger bit of debris, but he didn't have to worry long.

"When you dig her out, punch her." Garrus declared resolutely without trace of sympathy. "She's been singing the same damn song over comms for fifteen minutes." With that ominous warning he left the med team with the Normandiers and headed out to find his protegee.

"Three blind jellyfish." Anderson suddenly understood the turian's request as he neared the rubble. "Three blind jellyfish, sitting on a rock. Then one fell off. Two blind jellyfish. Two-"

"I think that's enough don't you Shepard?"

"Anderson!" Her grin was interrupted by a coughing fit, specks of blood making their way out and he rushed to her side in concern. "Anderson, I need you to tell Trish something for me."

"Don't be stupid Shepard, don't talk like that." He started, but she grabbed his hand and motioned for him to come closer.

"Tell her... tell her I want triple chocolate ice cream at the wedding."

"GOD DAMN IT SHEP! Tell her your bloody self." She burst into pained laughter and he gave a light punch to her shoulder, prompting a not very believable 'oww' sound. "Serves you right."

He lifted the chunk of metal that had been pining her down, enabling her to wiggle out, although she needed help standing. They made their way towards the others, Shepard hissing through gritted teeth with every step.

"So," Anderson started, hoping to distract her. "Any particular reason you were torturing your crew with children's songs?"

"Was practicing."

"Practicing for what?"

"Me and Trish, we've been talking. After the wedding we're going to try IVF."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks, bit early yet though. No guarantee it'll work and there's still a few more logistical details we need to decide on. Fingers crossed though."

"Well I wish you luck."

"Thanks... Hey Anderson?"

"Hmm?"

"Aren't you supposed to be in the brig?"

...

 **Author's note:** Finally! That chapter was a real pain to write. I'm still not 100% sure I like it but it's the best I could get so please let me know if there's anything in particular you liked or disliked. I know there's a few moments of banter when they should really be using the time on more serious things, but they were the only bits that flowed and wrote themselves, everything else was a struggle.

Either way that's the main storyline of the first game wrapped up, but I've got a few more chapters planned before we reach ME2, including a couple of the side missions from ME1 that haven't been covered yet because Nikki was so focused on stopping Saren, not to mention the all important wedding (which I really hope I can do justice after so many months of teasing).


	60. Chapter 60

**Quick Author's note:** I know some of you wanted a Xmas special but I'm afraid this is just the next step of the story. However if you **do** want a xmas themed chapter check out my other stories, I've just posted one called 'Xmas 2180' which features Nikki  & Trish a couple of years before Eden Prime and the events of the first game. Can't promise it'll be any good, I literally thought of it this morning and wrote it down, but hopefully you'll like it. Anyway enough about Xmas, on with the story:

* * *

"You made the news again." Trish declared as she ran an analytical gaze across the vid screen image in front of her.

"Good news or bad news?" Shepard inquired warily and Trish couldn't hold back her laugh.

"I don't know, what would you consider stopping Saren and saving the Citadel to be? Of course, it's good news!"

"Hmmph, I don't know. I was half expecting the press to criticise the fact I took so long and made a mess of the Presidium or something." The soldier admitted. "They usually manage to find a fault in my work somewhere."

"Not this time. Well, not yet anyway. So... how badly hurt did you get?"

"It's like you have _**no**_ confidence in my abilities! Why do you always assume I must be injured after a mission?"

"Because I know you." Trish declared resolutely, before admitting: "Plus I can see the hospital room in the background. So, I'll ask again... How bad are your wounds?"

"Depends who's asking." Nikki answered evasively. "If it's you then I'm fine, if it's someone trying to round up volunteers to clean up the Presidium then: 'I'm terribly sorry, doc says I've got to stay in this bed'."

"You're sat in a chair." Trish scoffed.

"Pfft, details."

"Of which there are remarkably few in your description. How many broken bones are we talking?"

"Hey!" Nicola protested the assumption loudly, before continuing at a more normal volume: "Just the one actually. I'm surprised how good a condition I'm in all things considered. No new scars, only the one bruise."

"Yeah right!" Trish clearly didn't believe her.

"It's true! Admittedly it covers most of my body... There was probably more originally but they all sort of merged together, I'm just one giant bruise under this uniform. Oh that reminds me, I can still wear my dress blues to the wedding."

"Oh good, I was worried we'd have to change the whole colour scheme." Trish responded in a dry voice.

"Speaking of weddings... did you get my list?" Trish rolled her eyes, she didn't need to ask which list.

"We are **not** having a twelve tier wedding cake! You need to start vetoing some of those flavours." The spectre equipped her best set of puppy dog eyes but Trish had over eight years experience to immunise herself to the effect and shielded herself with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay..." Nikki finally relented in a small voice. "What if we get rid of the fruit cake?"

"The fruit cake's the traditional part! What are we supposed to give the old fogeys?"

"That's your problem, I don't have any old fogeys on my side of the guest list." Trish shot a rather unimpressed look at the camera before her devious mind came up with a trump card.

"Uncle Steve likes fruit cake." Nikki pointed a finger, mouth open ready to retort before closing it, knuckles brought in to graze against her teeth in thought. Finally she used both hands to gesture with in order to emphasize her words as she offered:

"We could make a _small_ fruit cake for Hackett, and anyone else who wants some can fight him for it."

"Nikki..." Trish didn't say anything else but then again she didn't need to, the reproachfulness audible in her voice. The younger woman sighed in defeat.

" _Fine_... the one's who want something boring can have the victoria sponge and those who want fruit can have the chocolate orange."

"Umm, when did we approve a chocolate orange layer?" Trish queried, bringing up the list on her omni-tool.

"About twenty seconds ago when I first thought of it."

"You realise we're supposed to be narrowing _down_ the choices, not adding to them right?"

"But it's chocolate orange! You can't honestly tell me you don't want a chocolate orange layer?" Trish sighed, unable to stop the traitorous twitch of her lips as a smile tried to break through.

"Fine, we can have chocolate orange instead of the plain chocolate layer." The civilian acquiesced, but Shepard's victorious smile quickly vanished as her partner continued listing terms. "But we'll have to get rid of some more too. I'm sure you don't need all of the following: gingerbread, strawberry, coffee, banana, toffee..." Her list was interrupted by a plaintive mewl and she looked up at the wobbly bottom lip and deep soulful eyes of a traumatized marine.

"I'm not sure I want to marry you anymore." Nikki claimed and Trish couldn't help bursting into laughter.

"Is that so?" The spectre nodded determinedly. "Hmm, do you think we should call the whole thing off?" She quickly changed to shaking her head. "How about if I bake a special 'saving the galaxy' cake just for you to make up for destroying your wedding cake dreams?"

"I think I love you babe."

"I thought you might. What flavour do you want?"

"How many tiers have I got?"

"Just the one."

"I hate you."

"Of course you do. So that's fruit cake for the 'saving the galaxy' cake then?" It was Nikki's turn to chuckle.

"Now usually at this point I'd say 'I dare you', but you bloody would 'n all."

"You know me so well." Trish retorted.

"And yet for some reason I still want to marry you."

"The final proof that you're mad."

"I may be crazy but I'm crazy about you."

"Very good. I'd be more impressed if I didn't know you stole that from a song."

"Shit, I've not asked Hackett for permission yet!" Nikki suddenly stated out of nowhere and Trish looked at her in utter bewilderment.

"Why do you need to ask my uncle- no, wait, more important question. _**How**_ do you even get to that thought from our conversation?"

"Sorry babe, I've got to go. I'll call you right back." The call disconnected and Trish was left looking at a blank screen. She shook her head with a sigh.

...

Admiral Steven Hackett was technically off duty when he felt the tell tale vibration on his wrist of an incoming call. He was slightly surprised, although nobody watching him would have been able to tell, to find it was from the hero of the hour but without any mission priority flags attached. Few subordinates chose to contact him if they didn't have to, and the commander was no exception to that rule. Most of the time their relationship consisted of him calling her with missions. Still there was only one way to find out what it was about so he answered it. Her image springing to life above his wrist.

"Shepard, what can I do for you?"

"Uh, I want to marry Trish Sir." For once in his long and interesting life the man colloquially known as 'The Hatchet' was left speechless. He blinked once, twice, before his brain managed to regain control of his mouth and he managed a response that came out halfway between dry and wary.

"I am... _aware_ , of this. Molly has spoken of little else for weeks now. Apparently I am going to be walking Trish down the aisle."

"Right, right. So do I have your permission Sir?"

"My permission?"

"Yes Sir. Neither of us has living fathers and you're the closest male relative so, err..." The spectre trailed off uncertainly. It _was_ a rather old fashioned and barely acknowledged tradition now she thought about it. She blamed Trish for going on about fruit cake.

"What would you do if I said no Shepard?"

"Uh Sir?"

"You're asking me not telling, which means I have to give a response, so I am curious; what would you do if I said no?"

"I was kind of hoping you wouldn't Sir."

"But if I did?"

"Err... I'd have to tell Trish? I'm sure she'd try and change your mind Sir." To her surprise the big man chuckled.

"I knew N7s played dirty Shepard, but that's just evil. I'd have Trish AND Molly after me. Alright, you can have my blessing Nikki, but I stand by what I said before: You ever hurt her and you'll have the entire Fifth fleet on your ass, Spectre or no."

"Aye aye Sir." Nikki responded with a smile and sigh of relief. She ended the call and dialed another, grinning as her fiance popped into view almost instantaneously. "Hey Trish, guess what? We're getting married!" The civilian shook her head in despair.

"You just called him didn't you?" The soldier nodded. "Remind me why we're planning on having a kid when I've already got you?"

"Because I need an excuse to play on the slides and roundabouts at the park without looking like a weirdo." Nikki declared without even pausing for thought.

"You **are** a weirdo."

"Well yeah, but I'm not a creep."

"True." They fell into a comfortable silence, neither sure what to say next but unwilling to simply end the call. It was Shepard that thought of a new topic first.

"Babe..."

"Hmm?"

"Do you think we have room in the garage for a mako?"

"A mako?"

"Yeah."

"I'm going to regret asking this but... why do you want a mako?"

"Not just any old mako, my mako. From the Normandy. Everyone's been taking the piss about me finally writing off an IFV, but if I can fix her back up then it wasn't a write off."

"I see. So it's a question of your reputation and pride."

"Well I was thinking of it more as having a retirement project, but that works too."

"Are you thinking of retiring?"

"Not any time soon, but there's no harm in having plans in place."

"Hmm, so you want to keep an inoperable heap of metal in the garage until you finally one day retire, just in case it's maybe possible to fix it, and then what are you going to do with it afterwards?"

"Hey, this is me we're talking about! There is no maybe about it. You _know_ I can fix it, I just need enough spare time."

"Mhmm. As I said, then what will you do with it?"

"I haven't quite decided yet. You can say no if you want you know. I can always drop it off on Intai'sei instead."

"You never did tell me how you got that house."

"I won it off Admiral Ahern in a bet."

"What kind of bet?"

"The kind you wouldn't approve of."

"Well that doesn't narrow it down much." Nikki laughed at Trish's deadpan response.

"Maybe not, but I want to live to see my wedding day."

"Speaking of... Now Saren's out the picture we really should pick a date."

"I was thinking sometime in May."

"May 83 or May 84?" Trish sought clarification, more than aware that the month in question had already started.

"This year."

"You're not impatient at all, are you sweetheart?"

"I can be plenty patient when I need to be, but I've loved you since I was 15 years old, I think I've waited long enough."

"Well when you put it like _**that**_... What took you so long?" There was a self deprecating chuckle from the soldier as she glanced down at her hands, not looking at her fiance as she admitted quietly:

"I kept waiting for you to realise how you could do so much better than me." Trish smiled sadly, she had thought she'd put an end to those sorts of thoughts years ago.

"You always were an idiot. Even if by some miracle I _could_ somehow do better, I wouldn't want to. I love you Nick, _you_ , no one else."

"Good, cos you're about to be stuck with me."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."


	61. Chapter 61

Trish was in that half aware dozing stage when shuffling and a groaning sound from the other side of the bed gave her the last push into wakefulness. She turned her head to see Nikki reaching for her omni-tool on the bedside table, groaning again when she saw the ridiculously early time.

"You alright sweetie?" She enquired reaching out with a featherlight touch and Nikki rolled back round to face her.

"I was having the most wonderful dream and now I'm not. Why my body would decide oh-five-hundred is an acceptable time to wake up on a Sunday, on shore leave, is beyond me. I could be sleeping. I could be dreaming." The almost petulant response was absolutely adorable.

"What were you dreaming about?"

"A buffet." Trish certainly wouldn't have predicted that answer but the look of longing and happiness on her partner's face brought a smile to her own. "You know, like at parties. All the different sandwiches and sausage rolls, and the quiche. Oh the quiche! You know... I've never found anything that can even come close to my mom's quiche."

"You're a pretty good cook yourself you know."

"Not at quiche. I can imitate a few of dad's greatest dishes pretty close, but mom was a whole other level."

"So what else happened in your dream? You were at a party with food then what?"

"No, no party. No people at least, maybe it had ended already. Lucked out with that one, saved me having to try and avoid them all. Just this wonderful food and I had a plastic tub that I was filling up with leftovers to take with me and all of a sudden I was walking the dog. Stupid dreams and their jump cuts. Anyway, I realised I didn't have my box of food any more so I started climbing the stairs to get it back and I woke up... And now there's no buffet."

"You know... Some people believe our subconscious is trying to tell us things when we dream."

"Like... We can have a buffet for lunch today?" The spectre asked eagerly, but Trish dashed her hopes with a shake of her head.

"Nope, like that you should walk the dog."

"Why is it that whenever I'm home it always seems to be my turn?"

"Because when you're not home it's always my turn." Trish replied without malice.

"True." Nikki admitted before trailing a finger down her partner's arm. "Although... I'm sure Jude can hold on a little longer."

"Hmm, I'm sure she can. What do you have in mind?"

"Well... I figured, what with how many needles are involved in IVF-"

"Are you having second thoughts?" Trish asked softly.

"No, I'll do it." Nikki assured her quickly. "I just think we really aught to make 100% sure we can't conceive naturally first."

"Is that so?" Trish laughed.

"Mhmm." Nikki nodded with an impish grin.

"And you don't think the fact you've already started taking the birth control pills might limit our chances slightly?"

"Not really. I've heard plenty of tales about people getting pregnant while on the pill. Besides I think you're confused, my charts say I'm taking BCP, that _totally_ stands for 'Baby Care Pill'."

"If you say so dear."

"I do."

"Well, in that case... I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try again."

...

Garrus finished clipping on his armour and started checking over his weapons. When they had landed on the planet his human CO called home he certainly hadn't expected this to happen. In fact he never in his wildest dreams imagined fighting this deep in Alliance space. All around him his squad mates from the Normandy were suiting up and on the opposite side of the room were a group of human soldiers making their own pre-combat preparations, all of them with a tiny N7 logo on their armour.

"This is a terrible plan." Shepard's voice came from the corridor outside, her now familiar footsteps coming closer.

"Would you rather we took you out drinking and got you a stripper?" Captain Anderson's deep voice was easily identifiable.

"No, I suppose not." The commander admitted as the two comrades in arms finally entered the room. "But it would probably be healthier for me. You realise if any of you numbskulls manage to injure me Trish is going to kill me for ruining the wedding photos, right?"

"Then don't get injured, simple." One of the humans stated and Shepard spun round towards the voice, face lighting up with a grin as she caught sight of her fellow N7s.

"Meyer you mad bastard! You're supposed to be in the Terminus, what are you doing here?"

"Well tomorrow I'm crashing your wedding and today I'm kicking your ass." He declared confidently.

"Pfft, in your dreams! Riley, Riz, Mals." The spectre nodded her head and clasped various hands and arms as she greeted the men and women who she'd been through hell with, many of whom she'd even worked with on missions together afterwards. "Damn, we've got the entire pizza squad here and then some."

"One day I **will** find out which one of you was responsible for that." Anderson grumbled, causing Shepard and three other humans placed randomly among the throng to shout out in near perfect sync: 'I can't answer that question Sir!' Laughter erupted among the humans at what Garrus assumed must be a private joke, certainly it couldn't be cultural because Ash and Kaiden looked just as lost as the rest of the Normandiers.

"Pizza squad?" It was Liara that asked the question the aliens were all thinking. Shepard walked over to them with a smile as she picked up her own equipment and started getting ready.

"Short version? One of the Villa courses dropped us in the jungle with full kit but no rations and only a week's worth of RDA tablets. Instructors told us to do whatever we had to to survive, then accused us of cheating when a few of us met up and ordered pizza via delivery drone."

"You didn't? I bet the instructors didn't like that!"

"Yep we did, and no they didn't. Two hours of push ups, monkey fuckers and "I can't answer that question"s later they realise they've trained us too well and we're not going to tell them who's idea it was. So, they confiscated our omni-tools and long range comms to make sure we couldn't do it again and threw us in the nearest river. We spent the rest of the course known as 'pizza squad' which was bull 'cos we never even tasted a slice." The spectre glared accusingly at Anderson who simply shrugged.

"Don't worry Shepard you didn't miss much, it wasn't even that good a pizza." The commander's inaudible mutter was interrupted by Meyer shouting across the room:

"Hey Shep, is it true what they're saying? You managed to write off a mako?"

"Why does everybody focus on _**that**_ part of the story and not the bit where I drove through a mass relay? You've written off dozens of vehicles but I ain't ever seen you drive across star systems."

"Just give me the coordinates for Ilos, I'm sure if you managed it the rest of us can." Anderson could picture it now, half the villa spread out across the surface of Ilos in a variety of military vehicles, all gunning for the Conduit like a scene out of Cannonball Run. The victors suddenly popping randomly into existence on the Citadel and causing havoc.

"Are we going paintballing or not?" He asked in an effort to distract them.

"Well I don't know, Little Shep here might get hurt, we might have to use civvie rules."

"Oh that's it, you're definitely not on my team now." Nikki took mock offense even while everybody else agreed to abide by civvie rules.

"Speaking about teams, oh mighty spectre, how about Villa versus Normandy?"

"I'm sure we could manage that. Hey Anderson, you spent some time on the Normandy, want to be on the winning side?"

"I'm always on the winning side."

"Cough, First contact, cough." Joked one of the younger humans, at least, he looked younger to Garrus.

"That was a draw."

"Ok, let's make it _**three**_ teams: Villa, Normandy and Anderson!"

...

Tali felt out of her depth. It was hardly a new experience for her, as a young quarian out on her pilgrimage she often felt out of her depth. The feeling had been getting rarer the longer she spent on the Normandy though. Shepard had a way of boosting people's confidence. In her, in the mission and in themselves. The one feeling that had remained consistent however was a sense of awe at the commander's military prowess. Whenever anybody questioned how she pulled off the previously considered impossible, Shepard's staple response was usually: "I'm N7, what do you expect?"

And now Tali was out here in the woods, with a dozen N7s who considered her the opposition. A dozen humans with the same training and proficiency for destruction as Shepard. It was more than a little unnerving. She wasn't even a soldier. She'd never been in any woods before. And she _still_ wasn't even 100% sure what 'civvie rules' meant.

"No head shots, no groin shots, no grenades and no live ammunition." Shepard had stated when she asked.

"There's a little more to it than that." Kaiden had tried to add but the spectre snorted.

"You're up against N7s, they won't be keeping to any other rules, no matter what the agreement was. Hell, we'll be lucky if they can stick to those four." She promptly proved her point by taking the flag they were supposed to be defending down from its pole, removing the tracking device and passing it to Wrex to store in his armour.

That was twenty minutes ago.

The 'puht, puht' noise of weapons fire, or at least of the strange paint guns they were using in an effort to minimise casaulties, broke the eerie silence of the woodlands. There followed no shouts or screams, nothing signifying sentient life engaged in a desperate struggle for supremacy. A minute later she heard what sounded suspiciously like an explosion. She gripped her shotgun tighter and checked her HUD for enemies.

Nothing.

There was nothing showing up on a thermal scan either but that didn't quell her sense of unease. A slight flicker caught her attention and she stared intently in that direction, nothing but trees and bushes and... wait, one section of log looked slightly closer than the rest of the same fallen tree that ran along the lip of a ditch. The quarian was still pretty new to this whole flora business but she was pretty sure it wasn't supposed to look like that and she flung herself to one side just in time as there was an eruption of puht, puht, puht and the scenery to her left was covered in blue paint.

Invisible enemies were not her idea of fun and in her moment of disorientation she had no idea where they had gone. Panic gripped her for a second, but instead of firing wildly she reached for her omni-tool, sending out a localised EMP burst. The cloaking device failed revealing an N7 infiltrator less than thirty metres from her position.

Tali swung her shotgun round but before her finger could squeeze the trigger, pink paint appeared on her target, it appeared she had a guardian angel.

"Thanks Tali, I've been trying to track that one." Garrus' voice came over the comm bead. Despite suffering what would have been a fatal heart shot if they were using live ammunition, the enemy infiltrator had no interest in sitting the rest of the match out, throwing something grenade shaped in her direction. Once again her team was looking out for her as it was biotically returned to sender. The human barely had time to realise they were covered in their own paint before they were covered in krogan. Wrex holding them down while searching the body. Successfully finding a scrap of fabric he keyed up his comm.

"Shepard I found part their flag."

"Part?"

"Yeah, looks like its been torn in quarters at least."

"Those cheating little-" She was cut off by another explosion.

...

The final casualty report consisted of a dislocated shoulder (quickly popped back into place), a lost tooth (Meyer swore it was already loose, no way anyone knocked it out of him, either way he'd been restricted to closed mouth smiling for the photos tomorrow), and a large assortment of bruises that thankfully were all in places where they'd be hidden by clothing.

Nikki smiled as she washed a veritable rainbow of paint off her armour. Apparently last week Trish's friends had dragged her off to a spa day, her's had got her covered in mud and slime and paint. It had been great fun! She wasn't even disappointed by the result, secretly she'd never expected the Normandy team to win. After all, even Blackwatch squads tended to average only a 50/50 win/loss ratio against units composed entirely of villa graduates, and her team was made up of two civilians (highly talented sure, but still civilians), two standard marines who technically weren't cleared for combat duty at the moment and had never seen the inside of the Villa, a turian who'd done his standard military service but never even made Blackwatch before being transferred out to C-Sec on his father's orders, and a krogan battlemaster. When listed like that it was a wonder they'd succeeded in their mission against Saren at all.

But they had. Against all odds her ragtag team had survived and thrived. She was going to miss them when they went their separate ways. Still, that was a problem for another day. Today they were here, and tomorrow she was getting married.

...

 **Author's note:** Sorry about the longer than usual wait between chapters, I know you're all waiting in various degrees of patience for the wedding chapter but it has been seriously kicking my arse. Hence this random, unplanned chapter. The next one will definitely be the wedding but I'm afraid I have no idea how long it will take to write, so apologies in advance for any delays.


	62. The Wedding

Shepard scowled at the person in front of her, scrutinizing them closely for any sign of weakness, any hint of fear and, perhaps most importantly of all, even the slightest interpretation of a breach in uniform regulations. A chuckle behind her brought her glare whipping away from the mirror and over to Anderson.

"You look fine Shepard, relax." She grunted but otherwise ignored his advice and began pacing the room. "Nervous?"

"I don't know why." She muttered after a moment's hesitation and a terse nod.

"It's your wedding day, everybody gets nervous on their wedding day. I know I did. This time tomorrow you're going to be Mrs and Mrs Shepard, sound good?"

"It sounds great. Can we skip to tomorrow already?" Anderson chuckled again, as far as Nikki was concerned he was doing far too much of that today.

"Afraid not. It's all going to end up a blur anyway though. You might as well stop worrying, relax and try to enjoy it."

"Besides..." A flanged voice interrupted from the corner. "What's the worst that can happen?" The sudden silence was deafening as Nikki spun on her heel to stare incredulously at the turian and Garrus squirmed uncomfortably as he found himself on the nasty end of two N7 glares, it was almost enough to make him fear for his life.

"You did **not** just say that? You did **not** just curse my wedding day!"

"What?"

"Seriously? 'what's the worst that could happen?'! Last time someone said that to me I was charged by five blood raging krogan. **Five!** At the same time! I ended up with four broken ribs, a shattered arm and being shouted at over vid comm by a very pissed off girlfriend because instead of being home in time for Valentine's Day and taking her out like I promised, I ended up spending half of February in the damn hospital!"

"Well, look on the bright side... if anything goes wrong today you'll be shouted at by an angry wife."

"Oh joy, the part of married life I'm _**most**_ looking forward to! If anything goes wrong I'm telling Trish it's your fault."

"Nothing will go wrong Shepard." Anderson tried to calm the woman down.

"It wouldn't have if Vakarian kept his big mouth shut! A moment ago all I had to worry about was forgetting my lines, now I've got to keep my eyes peeled for potential assassins and crashing asteroids and-"

"Shepard, relax! Nothing's going to go wrong."

"How do you know?"

"Because you made me best man, it's my job to make sure things run smoothly. That includes carrying you kicking and screaming down the aisle if you get cold feet."

"I've not got cold feet." The spectre protested. "I just don't want anything to go wrong and ruin Trish's big day."

"It's supposed to be your big day as well you know."

"Yeah, I suppose so... You've definitely got the rings right?"

"I _knew_ there was something I was forgetting when I left Arcturus yesterday." Her face visibly paled and Anderson rolled his eyes. "Of course I've got the rings Shepard."

"Good, good... Hang on, this carrying me business... reckon I could get a piggyback?" He shot her his best unimpressed glare but secretly he was glad to see that cheeky grin back on her face.

"No, it'll be a fireman's carry. Or possibly dragging you by the legs while you desperately claw at the floor."

"Hmph, you're no fun." Nikki stopped in front of the mirror again, flicking ineffectively at a bit of her fringe before giving up with a sigh. "Alright, let's do this."

...

Shepard had counted fourteen possible sniper locations on the way into the registry office, three of which still had line of sight on her as she stood waiting for the ceremony to begin. Of course there was no guarantee she would be the target of any potential assassination attempts, there were a lot of important people at her wedding after all. Admiral Hackett, Captain Anderson, more N7 operatives than had taken part in the Theschea Raids, her almost wife... Ok, so Trish might not rank very highly on a galactic scale of important people compared to the rest of the room, but she was the most important person in the galaxy as far as Nikki was concerned.

Her macabre thoughts were interrupted as she turned and caught sight of Trish at the top of the aisle. Her partner's dress was elegant but understated, a truly stunning masterpiece. No matter how amazing it looked however, it paled in comparison to the woman wearing it. Nikki's lips formed the word 'wow', although she had no idea if it had been audible or silent, and somewhere at the back of her mind she hoped someone was still paying attention to the sniper spots because she had eyes for nothing else but the vision walking towards her. As soon as Trish was close enough she gently took her hands, desperate for contact, leaning forward to whisper in her ear:

"You look..." Words failed her and she trailed off into a tiny shrug. Trish's already smiling lips twitching as she shook her head slightly in amusement.

"So do you." The soldier's quiet chuckle was swallowed by a kiss, the loud clearing of a nearby throat interrupting before she could fully reciprocate.

"Ladies, traditionally the kiss happens at the _end_."

"Right, yes, sorry... shall we?" Nikki blushed but Trish remained unrepentant, winking at her partner before turning to face the officiant.

...

"Today is a special day when we get to officially welcome Nikki into our family." Admiral Hackett was saying, all eyes on him as he kicked off the speeches section of the wedding reception. Nikki could remember _some_ of how she got to this part of the day. For example there was that bit about 'Nicola Jane Shepard do you accept Patricia Helen Stewart to be your wife?' and a bunch of 'I dos', and she _**definitely**_ remembered the kissing. Then there had been that delightful moment where she got to see the vintage car that would be transporting them to the after party, and the near heart stopping moment when she realised someone else would be driving instead of her. She hated not being in control of ground vehicles. But on the whole the day had passed as a bit of a blur. She focused her attention back onto her new Uncle-in-Law.

"You've both gone through your own hells and come out the other side stronger than ever. You've supported each other through thick and thin, never let anything come between you, and I can honestly say I couldn't hope for anyone better for Trish. Ladies and gentlemen, to Trish and Nikki." The room echoed as everybody took up the toast, although Nikki swore she heard a handful of people change the wording to 'Shepard and Shepard'.

"Thank you Sir." The spectre stood as everyone else put their glasses back down. "And thank you to everyone for coming. Special thanks must go to Trish's mom, Molly, and everyone else who's helped organise all of this. I would say it was planned with military precision, but having been part of the reaction force for the Skyllian Blitz I can assure you, this was _**much**_ better organised." There were a few chuckles at that, mainly from those dressed in Alliance blue, while a handful of the civilian guests looked faintly scandalized.

"Of course Molly's achievements go far beyond today. She's also responsible for creating and raising the most beautiful, intelligent, kind and caring woman I have ever met. A woman I am now lucky enough to be able to call my wife. Trish, you've seen me at my best and you've seen me at my worst, and sometimes I really don't know how you put up with me. I'm glad you do though. I love you more than anything, I even love you more than cake. Although... Speaking of cake..."

"Behave you." Trish instructed with an indulgent roll of her eyes. Nicola's own eyes sparkled with mischief as she made a show of quickly flicking through her cue cards before dropping them onto the table with a sigh.

"Well _they're_ not going to be any use then!"

...

"Ah Shepard, Shepard, Shepard... where does one even begin to describe this amazing woman?" Anderson was interrupted by a series of calls, predominantly from the villa table, all revolving around the theme of 'bloody mental', and he was forced to wave them into silence before he could continue.

"When I first met that young, cocky mechanic back on Luna, I never thought that one day I'd be here; best man at the wedding of humanity's first spectre. We've been through a lot together since then, and Shepard's pulled me out the fire many a time. Once quite literally if I remember correctly." The spectre smirked at the private memory. "Although in fairness, I've returned the favour more times than I can count."

"Don't worry babe, he can't count very high, honest." Nikki declared abruptly to mixed laughter from the assembled, while her new wife simply mouthed a 'thank you' at the captain. His mock glare was ruined slightly by the twitch of his lips and he continued as if there hadn't been an interruption.

"Over the years Shepard's not only forced me to reevaluate my ideas of what is and isn't possible in this galaxy, both in terms of what she's done and what she's faced, but she has also given me a new definition of the word stoicism; She grins and _**I**_ bear it. A feeling I'm sure Trish is more than familiar with." Both brides nodded in agreement to that one. "Now it is customary on these occasions to tell a few funny and embarrassing anecdotes-" Nikki failed to hide a groan as she suddenly regretted her choice in best man. She _knew_ she should have gone with Ben. After all, most of her interactions with the civilian were far more embarrassing for him than for her, and he _was_ the leading contender for being the father of their unborn child.

"-Unfortunately, the vast majority of those moments are classified so perhaps I should stick to the older tradition of reading out a poem?" Shepard breathed out a sigh of relief as she gestured an approval of the plan and Anderson made a point of clearing his throat, securing direct eye contact with his protege before reciting: "Boots, boots, boots, boots-" Nikki erupted into laughter, one hand clapping against her arm while boos arose from the villa table, although a few of their fellow N7s continued with the next line when he fell silent.

"Would you like me to continue?"

"I know what's happening at your funeral old man." The youngster threatened resolutely, but Anderson merely smiled.

"Just make sure I'm definitely dead first, please."

"No promises." Came the instant retort.

...

Tali sat alone at the Normandy ground team's table after everybody else had got up to get a slice of wedding cake. It was one of those little moments where, even though nobody was being deliberately malicious, it still served to highlight how different and apart from everybody else she was, just because of her species. Even Garrus, her fellow dextro, was included when she was not. Him having more freedom with being able to eat food that had been touched by non filtered air, and a smaller dextro cake having been baked for the newlyweds' handful of turian friends.

She fought off the sudden wave of self-pity, disgusted at herself for allowing any negative thoughts during such a joyous event. She had been truly honored to be invited to the commander's special day and the nutrient paste tubes she had been provided when everybody else was given plates of food, were quite clearly a premium brand, possibly the best she'd ever tasted, not to mention the flavour was a delicacy reserved for special occasions among the quarian populace. It was quite clear that a lot of thought and preparation had gone into her being here and she tried to focus on that instead of the empty table. It didn't take much to make a quarian feel alone in the world though. Not that it mattered, either way her pilgrimage was nearing its end, she'd be back among her own people soon enough.

"Tali!" She turned her head to see humanity's spectre walking towards her carrying something in her hands. The helmet that was essential for her survival hid her widened eyes and dropped mouth from view as Shepard came close enough for her to see the carried object. A see-through vacuum packed box containing a larger than average cupcake. "I'm sorry, I know it's not the same and I'm not sure when you're going to find a clean room to be able to eat it but-" Nikki's words were cut off as the quarian rushed to her feet and threw her arms around the N7's neck.

"I'll miss you." The youngster declared before self consciously realising she had wrapped her commanding officer up in a hug and that the words she'd uttered didn't really go with the rest of the conversation. "I mean uh, thank you." Nikki simply chuckled.

"You're welcome. I'll miss you too. If you ever get bored of life in the flotilla, you'll always be welcome on any ship of mine Tali. That goes for the rest of you too." She added as the rest of her squad rejoined them with plates of cake.

"Any ship?" Liara questioned, the faintest trace of confusion in her voice. "Won't you be keeping the Normandy?" Shepard grimaced.

"I hope so, but that's up to the Admiralty board. Technically it was only a temporary attachment and I know Mikhailovich has been making waves. I tried to convince Hackett to give her to me as a wedding present, but apparently it doesn't work like that."

"What _**did**_ 'The Hatchet' give you as a wedding present?" Williams enquired, curious despite herself. The traditional wedding gift ideas of items to help the newlyweds start up a home and life together were a little pointless when the couple in question had been living together for as long as the Shepards.

"A shield generator." Was the prompt response. "One of those small, discreet, fancy ones that can be worn with just clothes, goes with both casual and formal wear."

"That's nice, knowing he cares about your safety." Kaiden contributed to the conversation.

"Well yeah... but he got Trish a pistol!"

...

Commander Nicola Jane Shepard was a woman of many skills and talents. As her wife led her in a gentle sway around the room however, it became abundantly clear to everyone who didn't already know that dancing was certainly **not** among them. Luckily any romance points lost by her two left feet were quickly reclaimed by singing the lyrics of the song she'd chosen directly into Trish's ear.

"I was born tooo love you, with every single beat of my heart. Yes I was born to take care of you, every single day of my life." They were so caught up in each other's presence that neither one noticed Admiral Hackett slip out to answer a call, or how he marched straight to Anderson for a whispered conversation upon his return. More people took to the dance floor as the 'First and last' dance came to an end (Nick had remained adamant that she would only do one) but the swarm wasn't enough to hide the subtle movement of N7s as they met up and split up, clearly passing a message among their ranks. She made her excuses and beelined towards Rizzi.

"What's going on?" Shepard's question garnered a shrug from the N7 Fury.

"No idea. The Hatchet wants any sober N's for a briefing."

"Something tells me he'll get more than just the sober ones." A quick glance revealed Trish engaged in conversation with her co-workers so they made good their escape to the freshly commandeered briefing room.

"OK, that's everyone." Meyer declared as Malhotra filed in behind the spectre. "So, what's going on?"

"There's been a training accident on Luna." Hackett started, a dozen disbelieving eyes silently informing him that N7s didn't get called out for training accidents. "Following the incident the course engineers tried to remotely shutdown the VI system in charge of simulating enemy tactics, without success. Our failsafes aren't responding and all attempts to approach the facility where the servers are stored have been met with heavy resistance. We need someone to fight through the training facility to the VI core and manually shut it down."

"What weapons does this rogue VI have control over?" Riley asked. Nobody needed telling that the fact they'd been assembled meant earlier attempts with regular marines must have been a catastrophic failure with multiple fatalities. That was just a given.

"Automated turrets, defense drones, both assault and rocket varieties. There's also anti-air guns so you'll have to drop a couple of klicks away and insert by mako."

"What about orbital weaponry? Is this thing capable of targeting Earth?" Nikki queried from behind Rizzi's shoulder. A slight narrowing of his eyes was the only indication that Hackett hadn't spotted her until now, and that he wasn't pleased to see her there. He didn't break his professionalism though, answering her question as if it had been anyone else asking.

"No, fortunately the Hannibal VI is on a closed network. Only the one facility is affected by this. The rest of Luna's defenses remain secure at this time. Now apparently every N7 within three relay jumps of Earth is here, obviously I'd prefer volunteers but-..." the rest of his sentence was rendered inconsequential as every N in the room immediately volunteered.

"Hand down Shepard, I'll send you on life threatening missions any day of the week, but not on your wedding night. Now for god's sake get back out there before Trish starts wondering where you've got to."

...

"It ain't my fault. Yeah this is how we roll baby, this is how we roll." Trish smiled as she woke to the sound of her newly wedded wife singing. She glanced down at the ring on her finger as if to check yesterday hadn't been a dream but it was definitely there. The only thing that could have made the morning better was for her wife to be beside her in bed, but at least she was nearby if the singing was anything to go by.

She thought she caught the scent of bacon and assumed Nikki must have ordered room service, but whether the N7's plan was to surprise her with breakfast in bed or help herself to a snack while the civilian was unconscious before innocently joining her for a second breakfast later was currently unknown. Trish decided to feign sleep a little while longer to find out. As she lay there listening to the music playing out of the speakers she suddenly realised that, while the song was familiar, the spectre appeared to have changed a few of the words. "I'm _stubborn_ and it ain't my fault, I came from _Mindoir_ just like the hot sauce."

"I didn't know Mindoir was famous for its hot sauce." The words left her mouth without thought, completely forgetting she was supposed to be asleep.

"Hmph, Mindoir's not famous for anything." Nikki's voice huffed dismissively. The statement wasn't entirely true, but Trish certainly wasn't going to bring up the raid on today of all days. Instead she tried to think of a more acceptable answer as Nick suddenly appeared into view, climbing up onto the bed above her.

"They make some pretty good wine." She offered, but Nikki scrunched up her face in disgust.

"Not enough syllables." Just then the song reached the relevant part of the chorus again and she gave it a go anyway. "I'm _stubborn_ and it ain't my fault, I came from _Mindoir_ just like the _wi-ine_." The wrinkled nose and pouty lips suggested she wasn't happy with the result.

"Why do you need to change the words any way?"

"Because I'm not from Louisianna. Why should I have to lie when I sing a song?"

"I don't know. You lie plenty when you're not singing." Nikki grinned, suddenly launching into Meat Loaf despite the background music not matching.

"I'd lie for you and that's the truth. Do anything you ask me to." Trish giggled.

"You're in a very sing-ey mood today." She accused and Nick just shrugged.

"I'm happy." Such a simple statement but it made Trish's heart swell and she reached up for a kiss. Nikki joyfully reciprocating until she noticed a slight burning smell and pulled away. "Hold that thought."

She leapt off the bed and Trish sat up so her eyes could follow, shaking her head with a smile as she caught sight of the small camping stove set up on the floor of the hotel, Nikki flipping the rather crispy looking bacon out of the frying pan and onto a plate.

"Only you sweetie, only you. You **do** realise they have room service here right?"

"What? I wanted to cook breakfast for my beautiful wife, what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing dear, absolutely nothing."

...

 **Author's note:** Songs in order of appearance - "I was born to love you" by Queen, "I'm Southern" by The Cadillac Three and "I'd lie for you (and that's the truth)" by Meat Loaf. Hope you're all still enjoying.


	63. Chapter 63

The honeymoon passed by in a flash and Nikki found herself sitting on the bed at home in her workout shorts and sports bra, feet on the floor as she looked down at the needle being twirled between her fingers. She'd had all the final checks: ultrasound, blood tests, the lot and been given the all clear from the clinic. Now they could finally go-ahead and start their family properly. It was both exciting and terrifying at the same time, to be sitting at the point of no return.

OK that wasn't entirely true. If they wanted to they could take as long a break as they needed in between Nikki's half of the procedure and Trish's, eggs could be frozen after all, but it was still a huge step. Her contribution to creating their child. She looked up as Trish stepped out the bathroom wrapped in a towel, a smaller one being used to rub dry her hair. A soft smile springing to her lips at the sight of her wife.

"Hey babe, do you still want to make a mini-me to unleash upon the galaxy?"

"Well, when you word it like _that..._ " Trish teased with mock horror, holding her gaze for several seconds, reading the clear apprehension and desire warring in the soldier's face before kneeling down to her level, reaching forward to gently take the proffered needle. Her voice soft and tender as she added: "More than anything... Want me to do the honours?"

Nikki nodded, her muscles instantly stiffening while her eyes scrunched shut and Trish sighed. "It'd be easier if you relaxed you know." Another terse nod was the only sign Nick had heard her. "We don't have to do this now if you're not ready?"

"Got to, I've got wall charts saying so and everything. If I don't start today we'll have to restart all over again with the tablets."

"I know, but we could always wait until tonight. I'm sure I could come up with something a bit more romantic to help you relax." As she spoke she started tracing the tattoos on the soldier's abdomen with featherlight touches, marveling as she did so at how far they'd come from the days when her girlfriend insisted on keeping her scars covered at all times.

"Sorry Trish, baby making kind of lost the romance when I had to fill in all those bloody 'what if' forms. I think I'd rather just get the nasty, sharp, pointy bit over and done with quickly in the mornings rather than worry about it all day. Besides, I'm pretty sure the words: romance, needles and relax don't belong in the same sentence together."

"Hmm, I'm sure they would for some people."

"Well hopefully not you, I'd hate to think I unknowingly married a sadist. I mean, a bit of variety in the bedroom is one thing but needl- _Ah, you_ _ **bitch!**_ "

"I'm sorry. I thought you said you wanted it over and done with." The voice was less false innocence and more barely concealed glee as she removed the now empty needle from between the dragon's claws.

"I hate you." Nick groaned, flopping backwards onto the bed. "I want a divorce." Trish merely laughed.

"Ok. Before or after the baby?"

"Both. And then I can marry you again and relive the best day of my life."

"You great big softie." Trish accused with a smile, straddling her partner and finally having the common decency to kiss better the skin she'd so ruthlessly attacked. "If I didn't have work today I'd ravish you right now."

"Hmm, I'm half tempted to make you call in sick and let you."

"Only half?" Trish teased, their faces close enough that she could feel the breath from Nikki's silent chuckle. The chime of a notification on the spectre's omni-tool interrupted any further response, and required a rerouting of the hand that had been wandering perilously close to Trish's miraculously still secure towel.

"That would be the other half."

"Typical, only a week of marriage and already cheating on me." Trish joked, causing Nikki to look up from the message in confusion, face morphing into a smirk when she realised what she'd said.

"The Alliance is a cruel, cruel mistress... My shuttle's twenty minutes out, I best get ready."

"You'll be late now anyway, what would a little longer matter?" Trish pouted, refusing to move despite a gentle prod to the ribs. With a sigh Nikki wrapped her arms around her wife's legs, lifting her up enough so she could stand in a single movement, before turning and depositing her spouse back on the bed.

" _You_ are trying to get me in trouble." She accused, tearing her eyes away with difficulty and forcing herself to walk to the wardrobe in order to start putting on her dress blues.

"You're more than capable of getting in trouble on your own." Trish responded, propping herself up on her elbows so she could watch. "You know... as sexy as that uniform is, I don't think I like reverse strip teases."

"It's called dressing babe. You might want to try it."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"No fun, but there is money."

"You'll pay me to get dressed?"

"No, but if you're quick enough your boss might pay you for going to work." Nikki didn't quite catch the grumbled reply but she could guess. "How about I make it up to you tonight."

"You will will you?"

"Yeah." The N7's smirk suddenly morphed into a frown. "Although considering you're the one who attacked me with a giant bloody needle, I'm pretty sure _you_ should be making it up to _me_."

"It wasn't _that_ big a needle."

"Haven't you heard? Size doesn't matter."

"Aww, is the big bad spectre scared of an ickle bitty needle?"

"I'm not _scared_ of them, I just hate them, there's a difference."

"Sure, if you say so dear." Another message alert interrupted their repartee, bringing forth a synchronised sigh. "You should go."

"Yes I should." They shared a brief and mostly chaste goodbye kiss before Trish pushed her wife towards the door and finally headed towards her own wardrobe.

"Hey Trish," The civilian turned to find Nikki holding up the now empty needle. "Same time tomorrow?"

...

Nikki Shepard, oft times immature wife of Trish Shepard and hopefully future parent, left the house and jogged towards the nearest landing field. Four and a half minutes later Commander Nicola Shepard, spectre, N7 and hero of the Citadel returned Flight Lieutenant Something-or-other's salute with crisp precision and boarded the shuttle that would take her to Arcturus station.

Fortunately the powers that be (aka the admiralty board) had approved an extension to the mutually beneficial agreement that had allowed a council spectre (aka her) to take temporary command of an Alliance vessel (thankfully still the Normandy). Maybe it was just because it had been _her_ command, but the Normandy felt like a second home in a way that none of her previous ship postings had ever managed. They had only ever been a place of work, a base of operations and somewhere to lay her head and rest between missions.

It was easy to forget that Eden Prime had been the Normandy's shakedown run. With all the excitement and action that followed, this was the first time the Alliance had been able to pull the prototype stealth frigate into dry dock for any length of time. As Shepard was taken on a tour of her own ship, under a near constant verbal bombardment of information she either already knew or would likely never need and so instantly forgot, she started making mental bets with herself on how long certain changes would stay before her crew returned everything to how it had been before.

The morning was practically gone by the time the tour was finished and she was able to start work on the large stack of datapads that had built up in her absence. Some were a simple case of read and sign, others involved scheduling calls or filling out forms. She also needed to go over the crew manifest.

For the most part the ship-side crew was easy enough. Where possible she just requested the same people she'd had before and if they weren't available she told the heads of department to find someone they figured would be a good fit. The ground team was a little trickier.

Tali had already left to go back to the flotilla, her pilgrimage at an end.

Garrus had decided he wanted to try and join the spectres, a goal Nikki wholeheartedly supported. The next of the advanced training courses the turian hierarchy ran for potential spectre applicants wasn't until the end of the year however, and she'd graciously allowed him to remain on her team, racking up experience until then.

Wrex had taken her speech about the fate of the krogan people to heart and planned to return to Tuchanka to raise his people kicking and screaming back into a semblance of civilization. Albeit a krogan version of civilization. He kept putting it off though and so Shepard offered him continued use of the Normandy's cargo hold to live and plan in for as long as he wanted, with rent comprising of fighting by her side when the situation arose. Hardly a hardship for the ancient battlemaster.

Liara had asked to stay, at least until the proposed salarian archaeological trip to Ilos was ready to depart. The STG had made the most of Saren's research into indoctrination that Shepard had managed to save on Virmire, and developed a brain scanning technique that would hopefully identify indoctrinated people. So far it only worked for salarians, they'd need more data and studies into the comparison of salarian and non-salarian brain structures, functions and patterns before they would know what to look for in the scans for other species and could offer the service to their allies. But for now the test was being added to the annual medical all STG agents had to undergo, as well as to the pre-(and post) expedition requirements for any personnel taking part in archaeological or scientific study of believed prothean or reaper sites and artifacts.

As for the human marines that were actually _supposed_ to be on her ship: Corporal Jenkins was deceased and Fredricks was relearning how to walk on his new prosthetic leg. She knew Williams and Alenko were both mobile, they'd been at her wedding after all, but she would have to send out a request to find out if they'd be fit for combat duty. The two lower enlisted personnel were easily replaced, but she didn't want to make a decision regarding Ash and Kaiden's berths until she heard back from the medical board.

Tali's departure was the trickiest hole to fill, the quarian was the quickest and most naturally gifted tech she'd ever worked alongside in a battlefield. She doubted she'd find a perfect fit and she certainly couldn't fly round the galaxy picking up random quarian pilgrims all the time so that left only one option worth considering.

She typed a quick email to the current head of training at the Villa and ten minutes later had a dozen personnel files for the top N4s and 5s in the engineer class. It was getting late though, so she downloaded them onto a datapad for perusal on the shuttle and shut everything down to head home.

...

"Anderson!" Nikki caught sight of her friend and mentor out the corner of her eye as she made her way through the hallways towards the shuttle lounge, quickly turning and jogging down a side corridor after him. He stopped at her shout, waiting for her to reach him before continuing towards his destination as she seamlessly matched his stride. "Bad luck about your promotion Sir."

"Most normal people say 'congratulations' Shepard." The Alliance's newest rear admiral informed her wryly.

"Most people aren't N's." The youngster shrugged carelessly and he felt the corner of his lips twitch. "Plus I know you. You'd much rather be in the thick of it than stuck behind a desk. No matter how fancy or prestigious the desk, so... Bad luck Sir."

"I admit, military attache to the citadel certainly isn't how I pictured my career going, but we all have to make sacrifices in the name of duty."

"True, but most of us expect that sacrifice to be an arm or a leg or something, not loosing our soul to boredom and politics." He couldn't help but chuckle at that one. "Far as I'm concerned it's a damn waste sticking you in a pen pusher job Sir."

"Thanks Shepard, but someone's got to do it. Besides, you've still got my ship."

"Sorry about that Sir. Can't you get them to build you another one?"

"I think they're going to be a bit too busy rebuilding the Third Fleet to be able to spend credits on Normandy class frigates right now. Especially since as a council race we're entitled to more dreadnoughts than we were allowed before."

"That reminds me, we need to convince the turians to build more dreadnoughts so the other races can increase their fleet sizes too. We can't openly tear up the Treaty of Farixen without causing inter-species scuffles, but it's going to get in the way of reaper preparations big time if we're not careful."

"I'll add it to the list." Anderson sighed, looking older and tireder than she'd seen him in a long time.

"You know, you should come down to the surface for dinner one night before I ship out. I'm sure Trish won't mind. We've got a garden with real sunlight and everything."

"Thanks Shepard, if I ever find myself with a meeting free evening I'll consider it. Well, this is me." They came to a stop outside a nondescript door, Nikki wincing slightly in solidarity as she recognised it as Admiral Drescher's office. Anderson spared a quick glance at his omni-tool, noting he was early. "If I don't see you before you go then good luck out there."

"Oh don't worry, I'll pop round and liven things up for you whenever I'm on the citadel."

"I'm dreading it already." He deadpanned, forcing a chuckle from the spectre. She cast a furtive gaze around the corridor to check it was empty before walking backwards away from him, singsonging:

"If you're having prime steak for tea tonight clap your hands." Anderson shook his head as she disappeared round the corner clapping. Then he wiped the faint smirk off his face, took a deep breath and knocked. After all, _some_ members of the System Alliance military had work to do.

Meanwhile Shepard jogged towards the nearest shuttle bay, thankful that her wife had chosen to settle on the nearest planet to Arcturus station making a daily commute to the Alliance HQ possible, if not entirely practical on a regular basis. She had her own plans for tonight and didn't want to be late.


	64. Chapter 64

"We already agreed you get to be called mum, why does it matter what our kid calls me?" Of all the potential traps, hazards and general concerns revolving around parenthood that they could have been stressing over, Nikki really didn't understand why Trish was so focussed on deciding their titles. Unfortunately her attempts to avoid or joke her way through the conversation hadn't gone down so well.

"Because 'the cool one' implies that I'm not cool."

"It was a joke! Besides, it's just one adjective. You can't let me have one decent adjective to myself when you've got the rest wrapped up tight? You're the clever one, the beautiful, drop dead gorgeous, sexy as sin one. And why the hell do all our arguments end with me listing bloody compliments about you?" Trish couldn't help laughing.

"Finished?"

"Arguing or complimenting?" Nick huffed, but her wife ignored her.

"You know, 'dad' is becoming increasingly popular among women since First Contact."

"Yeah normally when they're bonded to asari, neither of us are asari."

"That doesn't matter, there's no rule about who can use what terms, you can be called any title you like."

"Anything except 'the cool one' or 'the other one' you mean." Nikki clarified before suddenly coming up with: "What about bio-mom?"

"Bio-mom?" Trish chuckled. "It sounds like a weapon of mass destruction."

" _Well_... I _**am**_ _-_ " Nick started but was interrupted.

"Oh, no! You better not be thinking of referring to me as 'the carrier', I sense a growing theme that is rapidly sounding worse and worse. What are you planning on calling the child, Influenza?"

"Only if it's a girl." Nikki shot back without missing a beat. "Hmm, N-Strain if it's a boy."

"N-Strain?" Trish queried, momentarily too impressed by the speed of her partner's brain to immediately protest. At least, she _hoped_ Nikki had come up with it on the spot, the name better not have had any actual time and thought spent on it beforehand.

"Yeah N-Strain, after all it's going to be an N-baby." Trish shook her head with a smile before realising something.

"You **do** know that we can choose whether to have a boy or a girl in advance if we want right?"

"Is this your way of asking me if I'd rather have a little Influenza or a gorgeous baby N-Strain?"

"I'm vetoing both those names by the way, but yes... do you want a boy or a girl?" Nikki went quiet, staring into the distance as she thought about it before suddenly shrugging.

"I don't care, I just want a healthy baby. What about you? Do you have a preference?"

"I'll be happy as long as it's yours."

"Well it bloody better be mine! I'm not going through all these needles for nothing you know." They shared a chuckle, cuddling closer as an easy silence fell around them. They continued basking in their shared existence for several minutes before Nikki softly offered: "What about Opie?"

"For a girl or for a boy?"

"No, for me."

"Hmm, Opie, I like it. Is it foreign?"

"Don't think so."

"Then what's it mean?"

"O.P... Other Parent." Trish sighed, playfully pushing her wife away.

"It's a good job we've got over nine months to think about this."

"What! I thought you liked Opie?"

"Well... It's the best idea you've had so far." The civilian allowed.

"No, the best idea I've had was marrying you."

"Flatterer. You're going to give me diabetes if you keep being so adorably sweet."

"Consider it payback for all the needles you keep jabbing me with." Trish couldn't help a giggle escaping her lips before she suddenly became serious.

"What are you going to do tomorrow when you ship out? Are you going to be ok giving yourself injections?"

"I don't know." Nikki answered truthfully with a shrug. "If not I'll ask doc to give them to me. She'll be keeping an eye on me and doing the egg retrieval when it's time anyway. I'll be honest, as excited as I am about having this kid, I'm glad we agreed to you doing the actual pregnant bit. Can you imagine suddenly developing a new craving in the middle of space? 'Joker take us into the Traverse, I have a craving for batarian rice conyap!' "

"I think your crew would be more worried about the mood swings. Hormonal spectre with a gun and immunity from prosecution sounds like a lethal mix."

...

The next day had started just like any other, Nikki took Jude for a morning run before coming back for a shower, breakfast and a jab from what had so far been called the needle of: magic, horror, doom, anti-romanticism, necessary evil, and baby-making-ness. She then changed into her dress blues and prepared for the shuttle to Arcturus station, although today included more luggage than the previous day trips.

The goodbye kiss also took longer. It would have to tide them over after all, and neither woman had any intention of rushing what would be their last kiss for several months. Eventually however it had to come to an end and Trish watched as the shuttle carried her wife away for yet another tour of duty. The feelings that flooded her were familiar, having suffered them ever since the spectre was a lowly corporal, but she did her best to wrap them away and focus on her own work day. A task that was made harder when she arrived at the office to find a delivery from the local florist already waiting on her desk. The note that accompanied the bouquet declaring: [Missing you already :) xXx]

...

"Why am I not surprised?" Trish sighed at the image of her wife that popped up when she answered her omni-tool. Although she knew they wouldn't be able to talk every day, she was glad Nick had at least managed to call this first night.

"What aren't you surprised by?" The soldier responded warily.

"The moment there's no longer a risk of running into anyone who outranks you, you stop wearing your dress blues."

"That's not true! I'll have you know I waited three hours after leaving the Arcturus Stream before I changed." Nikki protested, earning a chuckle and a shake of the head from Trish.

"Where are you now?" She asked curiously.

"Space." The instant reply was met with an eye roll.

"Which part?"

"The boring part."

"Mhmm. I'm _assuming_ that means you're _**not**_ in the Terminus or the Traverse, otherwise I'll have to question your sanity in calling it that."

"Hey the Normandy's good but even she can't cross the galaxy that quickly... I will be heading in roughly that direction soon though. Your uncle forwarded a job to me."

"The classified kind?"

"Is there any other kind?"

"Of course, just be careful."

"I'm always careful. You can relax though, it's just a simple retrieval mission."

"Eden Prime was supposed to be a simple retrieval mission." Trish reminded pointedly.

"Yeah but that involved prothean technology. Protheans always mess things up. I even got forwarded the technical manual and instructions for the thing I'm picking up this time so it should be fine."

"Should be?" Trish repeated her words while throwing her 'the Look'.

"Yeah, why do you find that so hard to believe?"

"Because the question I usually ask myself these days Nick is: if it was simple, then why are they sending you?" The soldier found herself chuckling at that.

"In fairness I think this time they want my ship more than me. The object in question's not supposed to be out there. I _tried_ telling them; 'build your own stealth ship', but they said 'we did, you're using it'. Anyway, I'll be in and out before anyone knows I'm there. Except Hackett of course." Nikki couldn't help noticing her wife didn't seem convinced.

...

Trish told herself it was _**probably**_ a coincidence that an Alliance press conference was called a mere six hours after she received Nikki's brief text message: [5x5 told you I'd be fine. Mission was more than a success and the worst part of my day was still my appointment with the needle of eternal torment. Love you lots, talk later.]

After all there were multiple fleets worth of Alliance personnel, they had to be doing _something_ and statistically some of those things must be newsworthy. Not everything in the galaxy revolved around her idiot. Besides, Nikki's mission was supposed to be classified, you didn't hold press conferences about things that were classified.

Two hours later the data feeds she'd set up in an effort to keep track of her wife went haywire with rumours. She was halfway through reading the third link when her omni-tool rang, she picked it up instantly when she saw who was calling.

"Really Nick?" Despite her best intentions the frustration in her voice bled through, causing the spectre's self preservation instinct to kick in as she responded with an immediate:

"It wasn't me!" There was a moment's hesitation as irritation gave way to confusion.

" _What_ wasn't you?"

"Umm... Whatever it was you were about to accuse me of?"

"Ah so it was a _different_ Spectre Shepard that took down Elanos Haliat, finally allowing the vengeful ghosts of the victims of Elysium peace, after seven long years searching for justice."

"Oh that! Yeah, well..." She distractedly rubbed the back of her neck. "I'm not entirely convinced about the bit with the ghosts... And technically the Alliance was searching for him for seven years, not me personally. In fact I wasn't looking for him at all. I just sort of stumbled on him accidentally like. I probably wouldn't even have recognised him if he wasn't waxing lyrical about the Blitz."

 _Especially given how preoccupied I was with the cave in and being trapped in a confined space with a nuclear warhead, particularly when said nuke was on a countdown timer.._. Of course that bit remained unsaid. That part of the mission was still classified after all, and even if it hadn't been, there were some parts of her job her wife simply didn't need to know about. She might be an idiot but she wasn't _stupid_.

"So... What was the other thing you were trying to hide from me when you called?" Trish quieried.

"What thing?"

"The thing that wasn't you." It was easy to read the conflict in the commander's face as she debated whether or not to tell. A mischievous grin lighting up as she came to a decision.

"You promise not to tell anyone?" The civilian nodded. "Especially not your uncle. Or anyone else in the Alliance."

"I promise."

"Well... the Normandy may or may not have recently descended into a prank war."

"Isn't it supposed to be your job as CO to stop things like that? Not encourage or actively take part in it."

"No... It's not explicitly written in my job description that I must stop pranks. I read it twice, it doesn't mention acting like an adult either."

"Yeah, I think that's probably an oversight. They probably assumed it was't necessary to clarify that point."

"Meh."

"So anything good happen yet?"

"You know that N4 combat engineer Anderson assigned me to replace Tali?"

"Vaguely, not personally."

"Well he's been nicknamed Tals2 since he joined and someone replaced the emergency field rations in his suit with dextro paste tubes."

"You didn't? That could have been dangerous!"

"Hey, I never said it was me! Don't worry there's no way he could have ingested them by accident. Besides... Something tells me he'll get his revenge real soon." She glanced briefly at the time on her omni-tool. "Like in the next five minutes or so."

"That's a rather specific prediction. Wh-" Trish was interrupted by a muffled scream from the Normandy side of the call followed by multiple voices shouting.

"Or it could be sooner!" The commander declared with a delighted smirk. "I should probably go check that out. Apparently it's a CO's job to stop these sort of things. I _might_ have to take pictures first though... just in case I need evidence for disciplinary procedures or something. Talk later, love you, bye!"

...

"Hi Nick." Trish cheerfully answered the call from the Normandy comm room's ID without suspicion. It wasn't the first time her partner had used the ship's tech instead of her personal omni-tool to communicate, the military equipment was able to manage longer vid call distances without experiencing lag issues. Her good mood evapourated and she was hit with a sledgehammer of fear as she realised it wasn't her idiot on the other side of the call. "Garrus, what happened? Is she alright? How bad-" The turian raised a talon to halt the quick fire questions and Trish paused for breath. The worry still clear in her eyes.

"Relax she's fine." The human's eyes narrowed into a glare, she hated that word, besides if everything was fine he wouldn't be calling her. "That is, I mean... She's ok physically, she's not injured or anything."

"But?" Garrus was amazed at how one seemingly innocent word could be made to sound so dangerous.

"I don't know. Something about the last mission hit her pretty hard. Normally when we get back to the ship she does her rounds, goes and talks to everyone. She just ordered Joker to rendezvous with the Fifth fleet to offload our prisoner then head for the Citadel before disappearing to her room. No one's seen her since. I just... I don't know. I think it might help if someone talked to her but she's the commander you know? I mean-"

"It's alright, I understand." It was Trish's turn to cut off the other's rambling. "I don't suppose you know what happened down there?"

"Sorry I was outside providing sniper support in case of reinforcements. The others said something about it involving Akuze."

"Shit." The expletive dropped from her lips without thought. "I'll call her now. Thanks Garrus."

"No problem. Uh, could you maybe not mention the fact I told you?"

...

"Hey babe." The voice that finally picked up on Trish's third attempt was apathetic and even without Garrus' warning she would have been able to tell something was wrong.

"Hey... Everything ok? It took you a while to pick up." In a way that was a blessing in disguise, it gave her an excuse to ask questions straight away rather than having to waste time making up a reason about why she called.

"No, I'm alright. Just didn't hear it ring, sorry."

"You sure? You don't sound alright." Trish was clearly skeptical.

"Honestly babe, I'm fine." Nikki lied a second time. "Do I need to send you a picture to prove it?"

"Last time you did that you photographed the wrong foot!" It was a testament to how down Shepard was feeling that she didn't smile as her wife took the bait.

"I'd sprained my left, the photo was clearly a left foot, you can tell by the position of the toes."

"It was certainly _**a**_ left foot, it just wasn't _**your**_ foot! And it wasn't a sprain it was a compound fracture."

"Pfft, mere details! I really don't know why you feel the need to drag that up again after all these years."

"Yeah, I'm nitpicking now. I don't even know why I thought about it." The banter between them was perfectly natural, expected even, but while the words were normal there was something about the tone of voice that was ever so slightly... off. It was hard to pinpoint or explain exactly, but Trish had years of experience navigating the subtle nuances of her partner's psyche. There was a sigh before Trish spoke again. "Nick, sweetie... you can tell me to sod off and mind my own business, or that it's classified or something, but please don't try telling me there's nothing bothering you right now. I'm not stupid."

"No, you're not." The silence stretched on into uncomfortable territory before Shepard admitted: "Tough day I guess."

"Tough day as in 'please distract me and help me forget' or 'tough day I really aught to talk to someone about but I don't want to burden you'?"

"I'm not convinced those are mutually exclusive you know."

"So the latter one then?"

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. So... what happened?" Again silence spread between them. Tense and uneasy. Trish gave her wife plenty of time to get her thoughts in order but it was evident the soldier had no intention of being the next one to speak. "Nikki... I thought we had a deal? You don't have to talk to me but when you feel like this you do have to talk to someone, it's the same deal we've had for years..." She hesitated, she had the perfect opening, but without video she was pushing buttons blindly and if Garrus was right it could get pretty explosive. "Same deal since Akuze."

"Akuze... It _always_ goes back to fucking Akuze." The soldier scoffed bitterly, but she sounded more tired than angry. It seemed most of the more volatile emotions had temporarily run their course. There was another pause before a quiet, broken voice offered: "That's the second time I've watched that man die."

"Which man?"

"Toombsey."

 _Her muscles ached as she 'made a tactical retreat' aka sprinted away from the giant monster, fully expecting a glob of acid to hit the back of her armour at any moment. Taylor was dead, his last horrifying moments burned into her memory, she suspected, for the rest of her life. However short that was currently looking to be. Badger had got separated from them soon after, and she could only hope he was still alive somewhere out there in the turmoil. She threw herself into a large crater, nearly landing in the gruesome remains of Lieutenant Commander Trovsky, the wide eyed but still fighting Private Lambert sliding in behind her. Thankfully she still had her rifle and she continued to set an example to her fellow marine, rising out of cover to fire a burst at the monster before dropping back to comparative safety when her weapon needed to cool down. Other's in the platoon clearly had the same idea, the large crater hosting soldiers across 70% of its lip, unfortunately such a large concentration of prey proved too tempting to the worm and it surfaced right in their midst. Sheer chance saving Shepard as it surfaced on the other side, multiple marines ensnared in its coils. She wasn't hanging around to ID them all but she recognised the Ace of spades Toombsey had painted on his helmet as he was dragged back down below._

Nikki took a shaky breath before strengthening her voice. "Corporal J.A Toombs, 108th Marine corps." She didn't even know what the J stood for, despite knowing he drank cider and claimed to have an asari girlfriend. He had two poker tells but you couldn't trust the thumb swipe across the lips because he'd realised he did it and had started doing it on purpose to hide a bluff.

 _He looked so broken standing there, eyes on the floor along with his pistol, as Ashley cuffed the scientist. Shepard should have seen it coming. At the very least she should have made sure he didn't have any more weapons after he dropped his gun._

" _The vids say you were the only survivor of Akuze." Too late she realised what he had in mind as he reached for the shotgun on the back of his armour. "Who am I to argue?"_

" _ **NO!"**_ _She raced towards him just in time to be splattered with his blood, her momentum kept her going, belatedly forcing the weapon out of his lifeless hands as they crashed together to the floor. "No! You stupid bastard!"_

 _The day had already been trying enough. She'd been wrestling with long buried memories and new found questions ever since Hackett first hesitatingly brought the situation to her attention. Now she lost her composure completely, grabbing her old comrade's corpse by the shoulders, lifting him up slightly before slamming him back into the ground with fury. It probably looked brutal but it wasn't like she could hurt him._

" _You fucking idiot! Why?" She knew why. She couldn't even find it in her to blame him, not really. She let him go, closing her eyes as she struggled to control her breathing and calm her emotions._

" _Shepard? Commander?" Her squad cautiously inquired. It had to be pretty worrying for them too, she realised. Seeing her loose control like that. They must have thought she'd gone crazy. Keeping her back to them she stood up, face blank as she ordered:_

" _See what you can find on those computer terminals, I want everything. And get a body bag over here from the Normandy, we're taking Toombs with us. He deserves a military funeral. Take that other bastard to the brig. We'll hand him over to Hackett but I don't_ _ever_ _want to see him again. I'm not sure I can stop myself killing him a second time."_

 _There were murmured acknowledgements and footsteps as they obeyed but she paid them no heed. Attention still on the body in front of her. "I'm sorry Toombsey."_

"I kinda lost it today." Nikki admitted to her wife. "Don't think my squad will be able to look at me the same way again. They must think I'm crazy."

"You might be surprised. They've got a lot of respect for you. I doubt even you could throw all that away in one day." Trish offered softly and Nikki chuckled, although there was no humour in the dark sound.

"I'm not so sure. You weren't there, I flipped pretty bad. Wouldn't be surprised if they're talking Chakwas into getting me a padded jacket right now."

"Maybe you should talk to Phil."

"Don't want to, I'd rather talk to you... Well... I'd rather not talk about it at all." The soldier sighed despondently. "Do you know what he said?"

"Who?"

"The shrink. After Akuze. Every time we talk about it actually. He always says it isn't my fault. I mean sure, I know that, but then he said; 'sometimes bad things just happen and it's nobody's fault', except it fucking **was** someone's fault Trish. The scientists lured us there deliberately and let us die. Why? All that death and pain. For what? For fucking science? To study what the maws would do? They're bloody giant acid spitting worms, what the hell did they think would happen?"

"I don't know Nick." Trish answered gently. She wanted to weep, both at the pain in her partner's voice and the horrors she was revealing, but knew that right now it was up to her to be the strong one in the relationship.

"I mean I get doing bad shit for the greater good, or having to choose between two evils, but how does anyone justify something like that to themselves?"

"I don't know sweetie." How she longed to wrap the N7 up in her arms and hug her tight, soothe away the stress and heartache, but they were too far apart. She wished she knew the magic words to make everything better, but knew no such thing existed.

"I think I want my distraction now." It was a request Trish was more than willing to fulfill.


	65. Chapter 65

**Author's note:** Ok so fanfiction's been doing that thing where I suddenly realise stories I'm following have updated without me getting an email again. I got quite a few reviews on the last chapter so I assume you all got notifications, but just to make sure, there should have been the wedding chapter, then two others, and now this is the third.

Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, I appreciate them all. To guest reviewer Ryan, the only person I can't PM a reply to, I'm hoping the reaper war will be over by the time Shepard's kid is old enough to start dating. I'm not sure if I'll still be writing post ME3 or not, but I _**am**_ certain that not only is it possible for them to have another child post war, but that with the amount of species available for dating in the galaxy Shepard would find a way to be 'that dad' even if she had a son!

Oh and there's a new poll on my profile with a question regarding this story and an ME2 detail, if you could take a look and vote it would be appreciated. Anyway enough babble from me, on with the story! And guys? I'm sorry... I'm really, really sorry.

* * *

" _Owwwww._ " Trish knew she shouldn't laugh at the pitiful noise her wife made. It wasn't nice to make fun of other people's pain and suffering. It was in fact mean, and something done by bullies. It was something she'd make certain her future child knew was wrong and didn't partake in. It was _**also**_ exceedingly difficult not to do right now.

Her lips twitched in amusement as she struggled not to outright grin at the sight of her partner curled up in a ball, the duvet cover Nikki was hiding under filling the background of the screen and making it impossible for Trish to tell if she was calling from the med bay or the captain's cabin. She was just glad the omni-tool was on the inside of the nest so she could at least see the soldier, she didn't feel like talking to a lump of bedding.

"You alright sweetie?" Trish managed to lace the question with genuine care and concern but she wasn't overly worried, already knowing what the cause of the discomfort had been, it was the reason they'd scheduled this call in the first place after all. She was answered by another groan and a shake of the head, pouty lips and soulful eyes staring back at her through the vid screen. "I thought the egg retrieval was only supposed to cause mild cramping?"

"It _is_ just cramping, but it still hurts." Nick whined and Trish was unable to repress a snigger. "You meanie!"

"I'm sorry. It's just... This from the woman who spends every vid call from the med bay telling me she's fine even though she broke twelve bones, or lost a toe, or a third of her blood, or is being shipped back to Arcturus for further observation. Or, and this is my absolute favourite by the way, the doctors suspect she has a head injury because she's talking saner than usual." It certainly hadn't been funny at the time, but Shepard had pulled through all those past experiences relatively intact (apart from the toe), so Trish was able to joke about them now.

"That's different! Those are battle boo boos, I have to be ok or you won't let me go out and play no more... And I'm pretty sure you hid an insult in there somewhere."

"Sorry." Trish tried to look contrite and supportive instead of giggling at the term 'battle boo boo'. Tried being the operative word. "Look on the bright side, no more daily needles."

"I was just getting used to them an' all." The commander grouched.

"If you miss them too much I can always start jabbing you with an empty needle for old times sake?"

"No thanks."

"So... How'd it go anyway?" Trish finally asked after a moment of watching Nikki wallow in deliberately exaggerated self pity. "Other than causing horrific cramping of course." Out of nowhere a grin flashed across the spectre's face.

"We got enough eggs to make a biotiball team!"

"I'm slightly worried that _that's_ the sports team you chose for a comparison. Is there something you're not telling me?"

"What? That's just the exact number of eggs we got. I mean, Chakwas says they might not all be viable, but we'll still have enough that I can skip the injection stage if we decide to let Junior have any siblings in the future. Why? What do you think I meant?"

"Oh nothing. I was just picturing you soaking your eggs in eezo in the hopes of giving our child super powers."

"Hey! You make it sound like I'm irresponsible."

"No, never! How could I _possibly_ accuse the commander of the prank ship Normandy of being irresponsible?"

"I can hear the sarcasm you know."

"Good." They shared a chuckle.

"So... I'm heading back to the citadel for a couple days, I doubt I'll still be there by the time you head over for that tech fair of yours, but if you want I can drop the kids off somewhere for you to pick up? Otherwise I've got no idea how long it'll be before I can make it back to Arcturus."

"Sounds like a plan. Well... the beginnings of the makings of one anyway. You're still up for vid calling me when I have the embryo transfer right?"

"Of course, nothing and no one in this galaxy can do or say anything to keep me away."

"Good, I'll hold you to that." Trish snuggled up on the couch as the conversation made its usual detour into random and bizarre territory.

...

"What's that?" Dr Chakwas suppressed a sigh at yet another question from the curious commander. Shepard had been lurking around the med bay like a mother hen all day, understandable enough Karin supposed considering her eggs were being moved today, but still highly annoying when she was trying to prepare everything for transportation. She thought she'd already explained the function of every item required in the process, but apparently not. She followed the pointing arm to the freezer she'd just opened, gaze gliding over bags of blood and tubes of various test samples to land on a completely different type of tub.

"That's ice cream."

"Well yeah I can see that, but what's it doing in your replacement parts freezer?" Chakwas gave a mental eye roll at the name before answering.

"Honestly Commander? I thought you'd put it there."

"What? Why would I do something like that?"

"It came with a note, apparently it was put there 'in case the baby Shepards got hungry'." Nikki snickered.

"Yeah that does sound like me. It wasn't though. I'd have got them something better than vanilla if it was me." Karin really did roll her eyes at that, she didn't bother replying however, instead focusing her attention on transferring the necessary vials from the freezer into the dry shipper that would be responsible for maintaining their temperature during the journey.

"You're sure that'll keep them frozen long enough right?" Shepard queried in concern.

"As long as you can make it from the docks to the clinic within eight days you should be fine." The doctor replied wearily, she'd already explained the specifications of the dry shipper and how it worked. Twice. A smirk crept over the spectre's face.

"Eight days? That's plenty of time! I was going to go to the clinic first, but I could go visit all the tourist spots, take pictures with the kids, you know something to show them when they grow up and have arms and legs and stuff."

"I wouldn't advise any detours Commander. The temperature will remain steady for eight days but the case isn't bulletproof."

"Are you trying to imply something doc?"

"You know exactly what I'm implying. I have a duty of care to all my patients, even if they technically haven't been born or even fertilized yet."

"Alright, alright. Clinic first, council chambers second, then wherever the next mission they send us on is third. Might sneak lunch in there somewhere. Happy?"

"For now."

"I swear you're worse than my wife!"

...

'Wherever the council sends us next' turned out to be the Omega Nebula. The Amada system to be precise. Nikki was a little surprised to be honest, considering how much the council had been against letting her play in the Terminus systems during the hunt for Saren.

Although compared to how lawless the place was supposed to be, it was so far turning out to be rather quiet and boring. She knew the ground team were getting antsy after four days searching with no action and had them assemble with full kit in the cargo bay for a workout. As far as she was concerned full kit training was essential, she'd heard of people who could run a marathon in sub two hours but couldn't make an eight minute mile in armour. Ten laps round the hold would serve as warm up before they moved on to combat drills.

"Brace for evasive maneuvers!" Joker's voice suddenly blared across the ship's comm system and Shepard just had time to activate her mag boots before the ship lurched to the side.

"What the hell?" Organised chaos broke out as the alarm started sounding for general quarters, service personnel racing towards their battle stations. Shepard headed for her place in the CIC, safe in the knowledge that her squad would be ready to board or repel boarders if needed. It never came to that, the call to evacuate ringing out before she even made it to her station. She changed direction with a curse. While it should have been her order to give, she trusted her crew enough to know that if an evacuation had been called it was the only option. The fact remained however that she was CO of a prototype stealth frigate. She had clear orders of what to do if the ship was lost. They couldn't afford this technology getting into enemy hands.

"Shepard!" She'd just finished authorising the final self destruct timer when Liara appeared behind her. Panic was clear in the asari's eyes, along with a silent question asking what she was doing back here.

"Distress beacon is ready to launch." The commander lied easily, knowing the bridge crew would have already taken care of the distress call and each escape pod had its own homing beacon.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" Liara asked breathlessly.

 _Statistically or optimistically?_ Nikki thought grimly. They were in the Terminus systems, the nearest official Alliance presence was likely days away in the Traverse. Geographically speaking there was more chance of getting rescued by Aria, and the Queen of Omega didn't do anything for free. "They better. How's the evac looking?"

"Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't evacuate." _Damn it Joker!_ "I'm not leaving you either." _Dammit Liara!_

"I need you to make sure the last of the crew make it onto the evac shuttles. _**I'll**_ take care of Joker." She instructed as another fire broke out around them.

"Shepard?"

"That was an order T'Soni!" _This is why we don't normally let civilians on our ships isn't it?_

"Aye aye." The asari finally relented as the commander headed back towards the CIC. She had a pilot to manhandle and not much time to do it in.

...

Trish answered the door for her take-away delivery with a smile on her face, it morphed from genuine to polite as she caught sight of the two Alliance servicemen that were standing there in their dress blues. Neither of them appeared to be bearing noodles.

"Mrs Shepard?" She nodded automatically, it was hardly a difficult question to have to answer.

"I'm sorry the commander's not home at the moment." She informed them. It wasn't the first time service personnel had turned up at her door, but normally it was only when either Nikki or Uncle Steve were in the house.

"I know, I... Mrs Shepard, I regret to inform you that your wife, Com-"

"No." Trish firmly cut the lieutenant off in the same tone of voice she used when the dog was misbehaving. Smile instantly vanishing and face darkening as a sense of foreboding swept over her. "No, don't you _dare!_ "

"-Commander Nicola Shepard was killed in action yesterday when her ship..." Trish didn't hear the rest of his clearly rehearsed speech. She couldn't hear anything over the rush of blood in her ears, couldn't breathe through the tightness in her chest as her heart exploded, shattering into a million tiny pieces.

"Ma'am?" She wasn't sure how long she'd stood there, gaze unseeing, before the soldier managed to break back through her awareness. In fact she wasn't sure how she was still standing at all, not when she'd felt the whole world lurching beneath her feet. "Ma'am is there a friend or neighbour-" She waved a hand vaguely in the direction of Ben's house, not needing them to finish the question. She remembered the drill. It was the same as 18 years ago when her dad died and she'd overheard them notifying her mum.

She'd burst immediately into tears back then, grief hitting hard with the knowledge she'd never see him again, but the tears weren't flowing yet tonight. She was still in shock, brain desperately refusing to believe what the ears had heard.

If she cried then it would be real. A sign of acceptance of what had happened. But maybe if she didn't. If she could stay strong. Maybe they'd realise they'd made a mistake. Tell her it wasn't her Nikki. It was someone _else_ in N7 armour who had been attached to the Normandy. Even her brain had to admit it wasn't very likely.

Suddenly Ben was there, enveloping her in a tight hug that she was only dimly aware of through the all prevailing sense of numbness. He let the notification team know he'd got it from here but they weren't done yet.

"A Casualty Assistance Calls Officer will contact you-"

"I know." Her voice was cold and emotionless, as devoid of life as her wife's corpse, wherever the hell that was. Ben led her back into the living room, sitting her down on the couch before hovering uncertainly in front of her.

"Trish, I..." He trailed off.

"This isn't happening, it can't be." She looked up at him pleadingly.

"I'm sorry Trish. She's gone." Silent tears rolled down his face as he failed to contain his own grief for his friend. _Traitor!_ Trish's brain screamed as his crying sealed her wife's fate.

"Don't say that!" _How could he just give in?_ Nick had survived thresher maws and rogue spectres and all kinds of classified shit. She couldn't just be dead!

"I'm sorry Trish, I really am but-"

"No! Get out!" He tried to wrap her in another hug but she stood up, pushing him away. "Leave me alone!"

"I don't think that's a good idea Trish."

" **Go away!** " She screamed, thankful when he turned and left the room. The bastard didn't go far though, she could hear him in the kitchen filling up the kettle. As if a cup of tea or coffee could fix this!

She sunk to her knees on the floor, a low whine drawing her attention to Jude creeping cautiously towards her. The dog didn't know what was going on but she could feel the strong emotions flooding the room.

"Hey girl." Trish greeted her with a pat on the head as her vision blurred. "Nikki's not coming home." She broke down as her arms wrapped around the dog's neck, sobbing uncontrollably into her fur.

...

The funeral was a huge, fantastical display as humanity mourned their first spectre. As Trish watched the six armoured N7s, all with their helmets tinted to protect their anonymity, carrying the empty coffin up to the dais she couldn't help but feel like it was all a farce. She knew Anderson was one of the pallbearers and she wondered what was going through the man's head as he laid to rest his protege.

Except they weren't.

That was just the first of the problems with the whole situation. She knew a lot of soldiers killed in action never made it home, but how was she supposed to move on and accept the situation without a body to say goodbye to. And if her wife **did** have to remain one of the many unfound, why oh why did the body have to be lost on an ice world? Nikki had always hated cold temperatures. As far as Nick had been concerned, the only acceptable place for ice was in cubes in her drink. An active volcano would have made a far more suitable final resting place for the crazy Mindoirian.

Trish found herself smiling through her tears as she remembered a conversation with her then girlfriend about whether or not their future home planet would be too hot to live on: _"I'd happily go swimming in the sun but no-one's found a way to get me back out again yet."_ Nikki always came out with the most random things. No matter how annoyed or angry Trish thought she was with her partner at the start of a call, she'd always end up laughing at least once before they hung up. That sense of humour was just one of the many things she had loved about her wife.

It didn't look like any of the speakers at the service were going to mention that aspect of her personality though. In fact the person they described was nothing like her Nikki at all. The Shepard they described was some mythical being, overcoming adversity and beating unsurmountable odds without ever having a moment of doubt. Oh sure, Trish knew her partner engaged in heroic actions on a regular basis, but she was so much more than the Alliance poster girl the brass were trying to paint.

Yes, she **was** the ultimate soldier, an N7, humanity's first spectre, but she was also a skilled mechanic, a talented cook, and an awful dancer. Her music tastes were best described as 'old' and her singing as 'enthusiastic', although it never failed to put a smile on Trish's face when the younger woman burst into song, no matter how atrociously.

Nikki had been fiercely protective of the people she cared about and stubborn to a fault. She could be harsh when her job required it, but put her in a room with children or animals and she was the kindest, gentlest person you could ever meet. She was predictable, in so many ways, and yet even after all these years Trish would still find herself surprised by the other woman.

She remained a semi-frequent contributor to a small handful of charities, making donations every year at Christmas and on her family's birthdays. She was a collector and painter of miniature models, a teetotaler with a fondness for alcohol free beer, (despite the hypocrisy of having spent years lambasting vegetarians who wanted to keep eating meat flavoured products). She often suffered nightmares and occasional doubts about her work, and in the rare instances when she fell apart Trish was there to pick up the pieces. THAT was her Nikki, and even that left so much unsaid.

It didn't even begin to cover the little eccentricities; the way she would drink the brine water when draining a can of tuna. Or ate the peel on satsumas and clementines. Or how her right index finger would rub her left eyebrow when she was nervous or embarrassed.

Before earning the coveted N7 stripe, her favourite hoody had been one that proudly claimed she was: 'cleverly disguised as an adult' and the locals back home had become used to seeing her take Jude for a morning jog in a shirt that declared: 'bomb disposal expert. If you see me running try and keep up'.

Then there was the time the stubborn woman had spent four hours on a crossword because she refused to be beaten and refused to cheat by looking the answer up on the extranet. Only to be so pissed off when she found out the puzzle makers had chosen an alternative spelling of the first word she'd thought of that she painstakingly copied the whole crossword onto paper so she could burn it with her omni-tool's new incinerate app without damaging her datapad.

Someone on the stage was talking about the commander's sense of righteousness. How Shepard hated and stood up against injustice. Trish knew all about that. It ranged from the big injustices like slavery and any kind of social discrimination, right down to the little injustices like being forced to choose just one desert when eating out at a restaurant. _"It_ _ **says**_ _3 course meal. It doesn't state what those courses have to be. Why can't I just skip the starter and have two puddings?"_

She had to bite back a snort when the eulogiser tried convincing the masses that her idiot was the greatest military tactician in human history. In fairness Nikki wasn't stupid, despite the frequently used term of endearment. She'd had more than an above average IQ, she had just never been interested in what they were teaching at school, not to mention she was repeatedly guilty of oversights in judgement or lapses of common sense. Besides as the soldier herself once said: _"everybody's an idiot when there's a bonafide genius in the room, and when I'm with you there's always a genius in the room_. _"_ She was pretty good at strategy though, Trish allowed. Family board games were always competitive with Nick normally coming out on top, but only when Uncle Steve wasn't playing.

And now they were talking about courage. Commander Shepard had had it in spades apparently, this could be seen in the way she never surrendered, always charging headlong into the fray. Nikki had courage too. Trish remembered seeing it when the soldier had finally given in and gone to the clinic to get help for the first time after Akuze.

Nick had been scared stiff less, paranoid that if anyone discovered she was talking to a shrink she'd be labeled a headcase and it would end her career. The nerves had been tangible as they sat in the waiting room, making small talk even though it was obvious Shepard wanted nothing more than to run away. She'd glanced towards the exit when her name was called, but she'd squared her shoulders, taken a deep breath and walked inside. It was those little moments, when the fate of the galaxy wasn't in the balance and nobody's lives were riding on Shepard's shoulders, when it was just her and her own personal fears, and she still stood strong in the face of it all. That was the real courageous moments as far as Trish was concerned.

...

When the service finally came to an end Trish would have liked nothing more to than to get out of there as quickly as possible, but she was swamped with people offering their condolences. Fortunately Garrus noticed her discomfort and had the Normandy ground team close ranks around her, escorting her and Ben out to safety. They'd nearly made it when he halted, putting a supportive talon on her shoulder as the squad parted to reveal a tear stained Joker wheeling himself towards them. The wheelchair a necessity after breaking so many bones as a result of not being securely strapped down in the escape pod.

"I'm sorry Trish." He couldn't even look her in the eye, but the guilt and self loathing was evident in his voice. It was the first time she'd seen him since the wedding, but she'd heard what had happened on that fateful day. It would be so easy to lash out at him, to make him suffer for what had happened, but she'd once seen and heard the same guilt ridden despair on her partner, and had fought long and hard to bring her back from it. No one deserved to walk that path. As Trish thought hard about what to say she saw the Normandy crew closely watching on with interest, their faces split between pity and contempt for the pilot.

"Do you believe in parallel universes?" She finally asked and Joker looked up at her in surprise, clearly caught off guard by such a seemingly random question.

"The idea that there are an infinite alternate universes out there and every possible outcome to a situation happens somewhere?" He checked, and she nodded but continued before he could answer.

"There's universes out there where Nikki died years ago, on Mindoir or Akuze or on a hundred different battlefields. There's ones out there where her gamble above Alchera paid off and you both survived. Others where it went worse and both of you died. But nowhere out there, not in the hundreds of thousands of alternate universes, is there a single universe where that scenario arose and she didn't at least _**try**_ to save you. It's simply not possible. It's who she was." Tears pricked at her eyes again, even though she'd been sure she'd run out, but she ignored them and kept going.

"And I used to hate it you know? The way she put everybody else's wellbeing above her own, even strangers. But I realised years ago, if she didn't do it then she wouldn't be her. She wouldn't be the woman I love. I know my Nikki and she wouldn't blame you for what happened Joker. She wouldn't hold a grudge and she certainly wouldn't want you to blame yourself either. And I know she'd want-" Her voice choked for a moment. "She'd want me to forgive you too."

There she'd said it. He might not believe her, but it was true and he had needed to hear it. It wouldn't magically manage to fix anything but it could be a powerful first step if he chose to take it. She watched as Joker nodded, a lump in his throat as he turned and wheeled himself away, the rest of the crowd dispersing with looks of quiet contemplation on their faces. Trish waited until they were all definitely out of hearing range before she quietly added to herself: "And maybe one day I'll be able to."


	66. Lazarus

**Author's note:** First things first a couple of apologies, one for the delay in updating and second for the time jump. I know a lot of you wanted to know what happened to Trish during the two years after Shepard's death and I promise I did try to write it, but what little I managed was quite frankly awful. She certainly didn't stop living for those two years and things happened, but I'm afraid you'll have to wait and find out at the same time as Nikki. Sorry.

Also with regards to ME2 I'm _mostly_ going to be following the game, but there's going to be a slight detour at the beginning. Basically I tried playing the game again for inspiration and Nick just folded her arms, stubbornly declaring: "I ain't saying that. Nope, not gonna do that either!" Hopefully you won't all hate it when it happens.

Anyway, enough babble from me, on with the story:

* * *

The experience was a lot like coming round after being put under anesthetic for surgery, and by that Shepard _didn't_ mean the carefully constructed facade of calm and making everybody laugh by completing the sentence she'd been halfway through speaking several hours earlier. There was definitely that same sense of disorientation however, AND the bit immediately before where your actions and emotions carry directly on from what was happening before you lost consciousness.

Except before she lost consciousness she had been fighting a losing battle against a sense of panic, and engaged in an even more desperate struggle over the ability to breath, so that was how she returned to the world: fighting. Her panic only grew when she felt something in her throat and heard indistinct voices, the fact that she was no longer in the great empty void above Alchera only really sinking in when she caught sight of her unarmoured arm, an unknown woman catching hold of it before she could reach up and tear out what she was slowly coming to realise must be a ventilator machine.

"Shepard, don't try to move. Just lie still, try to stay calm." Now that she was aware she tried taking in more details of her surroundings. The people present weren't wearing Alliance medical uniforms so she assumed she must be in some kind of private facility, that could get expensive quickly, she hoped Trish wasn't footing the bill. Free health care was supposed to be one of the perks of being Alliance military after all. Her attention was caught by the logo on their clothes, she was sure there was something familiar about it.

"Brain activity is off the charts." _That's because I'm trying to think! Now shush moron, you're distracting me._ "Stats pushing into the red zone it's not working!" _What? Err, that doesn't sound good_. _Hey lady, can I start panicking again?_

"Another dose. Now!"

 _Another dose of what?_ _ **No!**_ _No sedative, I don't want any more seda-_

...

"Wake up Commander."

 _-tive.._. _Dammit._

"Shepard do you hear me? Get out of that bed now." _Mmm, no._ _Five more minutes!_ "I need you to get moving." _Seriously your bedside manner sucks, I want Chakwas back. Shit, the Normandy!_ Nikki opened her eyes suddenly, blinking at the light bouncing off clean white walls and raising a hand to her throbbing jaw. _Please tell me Chakwas got out ok? What about everyone else? Did I manage to save Joker? What abo-_

"Shepard! This facility is under attack." _What!? Why didn't you say so?_ All other thoughts fell to the wayside as the mystery voice's words finally penetrated and Nikki sat up, clutching at her ribs with a gasp as they protested the movement. Weapons fire was visible through the room's windows as she twisted to the side to allow her body to fall off the bed, grunting when her legs didn't hold her weight quite as well as she'd been hoping and her hands rushed out to the recently vacated cot for support. _How long was I out?_

"There's a pistol and armour in a locker on the other side of the room." _Where? Oh there. Fu- Argh... Ok, try again, one foot in front of the other. And left, and right, and left and... balls, there's no more bed to lean on. This is going to hurt._

"Hurry!"

"Oh sure, hurry she says." Nikki grumbled to herself as she grit her teeth against the pain. "Me and you are going to have a falling out at this rate." Fortunately if there was one thing N7s were good at it was keeping going through pain and she finally made it to the locker, opening it to find the familiar sight of a suit of Kassa Fabrication's light colossus armour that she quickly put on, and a less familiar pistol that she examined closely. Something about the weapon didn't seem quite right.

"It needs a thermal clip." The voice that she was 98% certain was coming from the loud speakers and not inside her head helpfully offered.

"Thermal clip?" _Oh no. Please no._ The idea of disposable heat sinks had just started being thrown around when she last left Arcturus and she had been vehemently opposed to the plan. Sure she understood where the proponents were coming from, nobody knew when the reapers would make their next move and the turians were the only species with compulsory military service, it would be much easier to train people to shoot guns on short notice if they could simply replace the thermal clip rather than having to remember to let the weapon cooldown during combat. But as someone for whom the different weapons' optimum firing and cooldown patterns were second nature, she had had concerns about the inevitable supply problems that were bound to arise in a prolonged campaign. Her first experience with a prototype was not changing her mind on the subject.

"There aren't any in the med bay but you can get one from-" Little Miss Bossy continued to instruct her and it wasn't long before she had both a thermal clip and something to shoot at. A frustrated growl tore from her throat as her first two shots went wide, unsure if it was the pistol or her prolonged inactivity that was at fault. Fortunately whatever the issue was she was able to compensate for it, her accuracy not quite up to usual standards but good enough to destroy the mechs that were trying to kill her.

...

"Something tells me this is NOT an Alliance approved 'back to work' physiotherapy training session." Shepard groused as she ran as fast as she could between the flames. _Honestly who thought using a grenade launcher that close to pipes of flammable gas was a good idea? Especially when they were between me and the way out_. Luckily the only burn she felt was from muscle fatigue and she was used to ignoring that. Although normally it took a lot longer to get to this level of exhaustion, not a mere twenty minutes of combat.

The voice on the comm cut out and she was left to navigate the hallways alone. The further she travelled the more she came to realise that she wasn't in fact in a private hospital like she first thought, but rather some kind of science facility. The glimpses of the experimental project she caught sight of on various monitors as she cleared each room left her feeling immensely uneasy, and was far more unsettling than the dead bodies that littered the corridors, their uniforms displaying the same logo that was emblazoned on the windows and doors.

Nikki couldn't help feeling that she aught to recognise the emblem, but she was a bit preoccupied with getting out alive. So much so that when she finally found a survivor who didn't die two seconds after she clapped eyes on them, the only question she could think to ask was: "Which way to the shuttle pad?"

...

 _Cerberus. I'm in a Cerberus lab. How the hell did I not realise? And I woke up here, what kind of sick crap could they have done?_ _Two years! 'The Alliance declared you dead, Cerberus spent a fortune to bring you back'._ The biotic's words rung in Shepard's ears. She tried to ignore the roiling turmoil inside her head, the nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach, to just focus on surviving, making it off this station in one piece, but it was hard when she'd just been sucker punched with so much insane information all in a row. _'You were just meat and tubes'. Two years. Cerberus. 'Anyone else would have stuck you in a coffin'. TWO_ _ **YEARS!**_

Strangely enough she made sure her co-survivors took point after that little bombshell. No way was she having armed Cerberus personnel to her rear, she wanted the bastards where she could see them. She still remembered the disturbing allegations Toombsey had made about the organisation a handful of weeks back. Except apparently it wasn't. A handful of weeks that is. It was two years.

One moment the Normandy had been exploding in front of her as she desperately searched for the source of her suit breach. The next she had been waking up here. It had been instantaneous, no different from any other time she'd woken up without warning in the med bay. Well, except for the hostile mechs of course. That was certainly a first.

As if summoned by her thoughts, more of the walking scrap metal appeared and she was forced to focus on the here and now. No more time for introspection until their little group (plus one Miranda and minus one Wilson) was safely sequestered away on the evacuation shuttle.

Afterwards there was plenty of time for reminiscing, in fact Miranda insisted upon it. 'Making sure the memories were all there' apparently. The Cerberus operative also caught her up on a few of the changes since Shepard last roamed the conscious plane. Such as the fact that the pistol casually balanced on her knee like a safety blanket was not, in actual fact as she believed, a prototype weapon; but rather a mass produced, standard issue sidearm. It seemed a lot had changed in two years.

There was that number again. Maybe it shouldn't be so hard to accept, but it was easier than focusing on the other can of worms Cerberus had opened, the whole 'death and rebirth' topic. Point was it couldn't have been two years. She'd had plans dammit! She'd missed her 30th birthday. And her wedding anniversary. **Twice!** _Oh god, Trish!_ She could only begin to imagine the heartache her wife must have suffered through.

Nikki kept her back to the wall for the duration of the shuttle ride, gaze never leaving the two Cerberus operatives sat opposite her as she waited for the inevitable double cross. Inside she was a mess, struggling to come to terms with her new reality, questioning whether what they told her was even the truth, but outside she remained stoic, refusing to let them see her distress. Not allowing any sign of weakness to slip through in front of her historical enemies. That simply wouldn't do.


	67. Freedom's Progress

**Author's note:** Much bigger chapter than normal today, originally it was two chapters but I finished the second one before the first one and thought 'why not?' Especially as a) I didn't update last week and b) it now means less chapters until the big reunion. I know you're all desperately waiting for that scene but I'm afraid a little more patience is required. As previously warned, there's some divergence from canon in this chapter in order to be true to Nikki's character, and I admit I'm slightly worried what you guys will think. Fingers crossed that you'll like it, but either way feel free to let me know in a review at the end, if you don't tell me what you like and what you hate I won't know for next time.

Anyway, on with the show:

...

"Illusive Man." Nikki wasn't entirely sure what she'd been expecting when she was informed she'd have a chance to talk to the mysterious leader of the shadowy terrorist organization known as Cerberus. It certainly wasn't this however. "I thought we'd be meeting face to face."

"A necessary precaution. Not unusual for people who know what you and I know." The suave bastard answered, taking a sip from his glass.

"Oh, and what would that be? The fact Cerberus lured my squad into a thresher nest on Akuze? That you ran inhumane tests on the only other survivor? Or how about how you killed Admiral Kahoku for getting too close?" It probably wasn't wise to mouth off in front of him like this, but the way Shepard saw it they'd spent a fortune bringing her back to life, it would be stupid and financially wasteful for them to kill her now.

Besides she wanted to know what happened when she pushed his buttons. More importantly she wanted to make sure she _could_ speak out against him, she'd watched more than enough sci-fi horror vids to be worried about her autonomy right now.

"I was referring to the reapers." He replied unperturbed. "While you've been sleeping entire colonies have been disappearing. Humanity is up against the greatest threat in our brief existence and I need you to put your personal feelings aside. Trust me when I say we are on the same side in this." Shepard scoffed at that, she just couldn't help herself.

"Trust you? Trust has to be earned. Why don't we start with what the hell have you done to me?" She gestured to her face, the faint red glow of cybernetics that shone through the thin cracks spiderwebbing across her skin. Apparently she hadn't been finished when they woke her up, whatever _that_ meant! To her surprise the Illusive Man tilted his head in acquiescence.

"A reasonable request. Very well, I will instruct Miranda to compile the relevant reports from Project Lazarus onto a datapad for you. You can read up on it at your leisure." _Oh, well... that was easier than I was expecting._ "Is there anything else?" She felt a little off balance at how easily he capitulated to her demands and ended up just standing there, listening with only the occasional interruption for clarification as he briefed her on the state of the galaxy. She was unable to remain silent when he revealed the reason for bringing her back though.

"I didn't kill Sovereign, the fleets did." She protested. _Forget the army, he could have built multiple ships for the amount of money it cost to resurrect me_.

"Perhaps, but it wouldn't have been possible without you, and you did stop Saren."

"Taking down Saren was a team effort, I didn't do it alone."

"We can get you a new team. In fact I've already been compiling a list of soldiers, scientists and mercenaries. You'll get dossiers on the best of them."

"What's wrong with my old team? I liked them." The _'unlike you'_ was silent but most definitely implied.

"Nothing's wrong with them." The Illusive Man started in an attempt to mollify her. "But that was two years ago Commander, most of them have moved on." She raised an incredulous eyebrow, barely restraining herself from releasing a disbelieving snort.

"Let me get this straight. You spent a fortune bringing me back because of 'what I represent'. You plan to use me as a symbol to unite people against the reapers, and yet... You don't think I can convince my old squad to return and help me? I'm willing to bet that Garrus Vakarian would rejoin my team in a heartbeat, and that's just for starters."

"Perhaps. Unfortunately the turian disappeared a few months after you were declared dead. Even we haven't been able to locate him." The Illusive Prick dismissed quickly. _Did you even try to find him? And if so, why?_

"What about Urdnot Wrex?'

"He returned to Tuchunka, he hasn't gone off world in over a year. He's trying to unite the krogan clans." _OK, that's... actually kind of important. Much as I'd like to have the big guy by my side, we'll need a united krogan if we're to have any hope of defeating the reapers, and I doubt anyone else would even bother trying. Let alone have any chance of success._

"Tali'Zorah?"

"Her loyalty to the flotilla is absolute, you might as well ask for Ashley Williams to turn her back on the Alliance." Shepard grimaced at that. Williams' blood was as red as any human's, but she bled Alliance blue.

"What abo-" TIM didn't even let her finish before answering this time.

"Kaiden Alenko's still with the Alliance, promoted I believe, his file is surprisingly well classified. As for the N4 that joined your team after the Battle of the Citadel, Gregovich, I'm sorry to tell you he was killed in action not long after passing the N5 course."

 _You don't_ _ **sound**_ _sorry._ Nikki opined in the privacy of her own head. She'd only known 'Tals2' for a handful of weeks but it still wasn't particularly pleasant news, even if dying was something of an occupational hazard. _I'm living proof of that!_ She mentally chortled at her own dark joke. _It wasn't that funny._ In the end she elected to remain stoic, postponing emotions until she could work out what she was supposed to be feeling. For now she had a conversation to focus on.

"And of course Liara is elbows deep in some prothean dig site." Nicola wrapped up the list of her former team mates.

"Actually she's on Illium." The Illusive Man corrected. "My sources say she's working for the shadow broker, if so she can't be trusted."

"Shadow Broker? Liara?" The doubt was clear in Shepard's voice.

"That's what the rumours suggest, and so far the evidence seems to back it up. She is certainly operating as some kind of information broker on Illium. That much is irrefutable." So much had changed in just two years, Shepard reflected. Liara had had such passion for archaeology, what could possibly have made her turn away from it? Especially when the prospect of a reaper invasion made research of the past so important. 'Know your enemy' was a principal tenet of warfare and the protheans were one of the few sources of that knowledge. The asari should have been helping dig that information back up.

"OK, I get it. They're not available." Nikki momentarily closed her eyes, pressing the heel of her hand into her eyelid with a sigh. "So... Who do you have in mind?" The Illusive Man hesitated, seeming to show traces of uncertainty for the first time in their conversation.

"I'm surprised you haven't inquired about Trish yet." Shepard's heart rate sped up at that. How _**dare**_ that devil speak the name of her personal goddess?

"If you've done anything-" She started to growl, only to be casually waved away.

"We haven't. We don't harm innocents, what do you take me for?" _The leader of a terrorist organization, giver of the go-ahead into unethical science experiments, the personification of evil, take your pick._ "I merely considered it strange that you inquired over your crew but not your wife."

"We were discussing potential squad members, Trish isn't a soldier." Nikki defended herself, but now the bastard had planted the seed and the constant quiet drone of curiosity that had been at the bottom of her subconsciousness ever since she woke rose in volume to a roaring raging torrent of 'need to know now' and she couldn't help asking: "Well, go on then. I suspect you know if you brought it up, how is she?"

"Alive and well. Still living in the same house. Although the last I heard she was with one..." He paused, activating his omni-tool to access a file. "Melissa Deltane." Nikki felt her heart clench at the photo. They certainly looked together. She forced her fists loose behind her back, thankful she'd automatically assumed her old military posture and not given away how much that information hurt to the man in front of her.

 _It's been TWO years. The vow was 'til death do us part', not 'forever together or forever alone'. You died, she deserves to be happy._

"Is she... are they happy?" She hated how her voice caught, betraying her in front of her enemy, and hardened her gaze to make up for it.

"Well I can't exactly tell you her feelings, it's not like we have her under constant surveillance, Admiral Hackett keeps a close eye on his niece and we didn't want him thinking we had an interest in her. Still, from what we can tell she seems to be." It was a reasonable enough answer and Nikki nodded even as her world fell apart inside. Just last week she had been happily married to the love of her life, now her partner was a widow with two years experience.

She wouldn't interfere though. Wouldn't get in the way of Trish's happiness. She loved her too much for that and she'd hurt her enough. Better that she stayed dead. Let's be honest, it was probably only a matter of time before she returned to that state anyway. She pulled herself together, trying to concentrate on the task at hand, but she couldn't stop the glib remark that left her mouth:

"I'm only surprised she didn't get her brown eyed asari."

...

Nikki focused her attention on the datapad in her hands, refusing to let her mind dwell on all the changes of the new galaxy she'd woken up to. As promised Miranda had given her a datapad on Project Lazarus but this wasn't it. She'd quickly scrolled through that one to make sure it contained the information she wanted, nearly threw up at one of the pictures, and quickly put it to one side so she could study it later in private. It wasn't good form for a commander to vomit in front of their troops and like it or not _(most definitely not)_ the two Cerberus operatives sat opposite her in the shuttle were her squad for the foreseeable future.

Although apparently the transport at least was only temporary. Cerberus had been building a new ship specially for her, but the early awakening meant it wasn't quite finished yet. They assured her it would be ready by the end of the week. Of course if she hadn't woken up early then she wouldn't be able to investigate the most recent colony to be hit. TIM had gotten the news about Freedom's Progress going dark while they'd been talking and instructed her to go take a look. It was fortunate they were only one relay jump away.

...

It took a mere five minutes after landing for Shepard to be convinced that whatever was going on at these colonies it definitely wasn't slavers. Everything was too clean, there was no sign of struggle, no fires or broken furniture, there wasn't even any blood. No, it was as if the entire human population had just been beamed up sci-fi style in the middle of whatever they were doing. Which in many houses appeared to be eating dinner. It was eerie.

Her senses were on high alert as the squad methodically swept the buildings for clues and/or signs of life. Although the longer she spent here the less hope she had for finding the latter. Once again she had Taylor on point, Lawson in the middle so that neither of them could shoot her in the back. She was well aware that she had newly developed trust issues, but how could she not when they were so proudly wearing the Cerberus logo?

Then again even if she'd been with her own squad she doubted there would be any of the usual banter. The silence was the kind that you felt you had to honour, to try and make as little noise as possible in response, and not just for stealth reasons. It was like at a library or a place of worship. Of course Trish had considered those two to be the same thing. The brief internal smile quickly faded as she pushed the thought of her wife away. Now wasn't the time. She had to focus. A fact that was proven a moment later when she caught a flicker of movement out the corner of her eye. She turned to cover it and found herself looking at the first splash of colour she'd seen on this seemingly dreary planet.

"What about pets?" She asked into comms and Lawson turned slightly, a look of confusion on her allegedly perfect face, Nikki gestured at the fish tank that had caught her attention before moving on with both the conversation and her search. "At the other colonies I mean. You said all the _humans_ vanished, what about other life forms?" She wondered why she hadn't thought about it before, a human settlement this size was bound to have animals, whether it just be scavenging pyjaks or domesticated hamsters and dogs. An image of Judy flashed through her mind that she forcefully dismissed, debating as she did so whether they'd messed up bringing her back. She was sure she wasn't this easily distracted on missions before she die-... well... _**before.**_

"-gone feral or found starving in their cages." Taylor answered her question, bringing her mind tumbling back to the present via a slight detour of the malnourished ball of fluff that Jude had been when she first found her on a mission all those years ago. That information was important somehow. No, not Jude. The animals at the colonies. Any further thinking was caught short as they passed through a gate and immediately came under fire. She darted into cover before trying to identify and neutralise the threat. _Great, mechs again_.

"This is new, the security mechs weren't active on any of the other colonies." Miranda informed them. _Of course it's different, I'm here now. The galaxy never misses an opportunity to shoot at me._

Despite the mechanical nature of their foes, it was her team that moved like clockwork, dispatching the hostiles with ease. Even Shepard couldn't dismiss the efficiency of the Cerberus operatives as they worked together in seamless synergy. Jacob's pull and Miranda's warp combining in devastating explosions.

"Someone had to have reprogrammed them to attack, we're not alone out here." Someone stated the obvious once they were clear, although clear was a relative term, more mechs appearing as they fought their way through new parts of the colony.

"Picking up life signs." Taylor quietly murmured over comms as they approached one of the buildings.

"Don't open fire unless fired upon. Remember we're here for answers not corpses." Nikki reminded them as they stacked up on the door. "Let me do the talking."

"Stop right there!" Whatever the N7 was expecting on the other side of the door, it wasn't a room full of quarian marines, their leader issuing the bold demand as they raised their weapons at her. That was nothing compared to what happened next however, an unarmed (or at least nothing in their hands which she knew wasn't the same thing) quarian pushing herself between the two groups, a familiar voice declaring exasperatedly:

"Prazza, you said you'd let me handle this." _No! It couldn't be?_

"Tali?" Of all the quarians and all the planets in the galaxy, the odds against running into each other like this had to be astronomical, but there was no mistaking the pattern of the purple swirl on her cowl.

"Wait! Shepard?" The human felt her mouth widen into the first genuine smile she'd had since she woke up, as she finally clapped eyes on a friendly face. Well... figuratively speaking.

"I'm not taking any chances with Cerberus operatives." Prazza interrupted their reunion. _Don't blame you on that one._ Nikki thought as Tali argued with the hotheaded quarian. _Now if you could just aim your rifle at the Cerberus operatives instead of_ _ **me**_ _, we'll get along just fine._ Eventually Tali got her way and turned back to face the commander.

"Shepard, is that- How... you're alive?" Her former teammate seemed to struggle with the concept, understandable enough when Nikki was still getting used to the idea herself.

"Think so. I'm certainly managing the whole walking, talking, breathing business. Did you ever get a chance to eat that wedding cake? I hope it was alright? The bakery didn't seem to think graxen was an acceptable cake flavouring, but I remembered you saying they were your favourite snack and I thought-... I probably should have listened to them and gone with yannel berries after all." She only ceased her rambling when the youngster raised a three fingered hand to halt her, the faceplate hid the quarian's smile but it was still audible in her voice.

"It was nice, thank you. Certainly different, but I liked it."

"Good, I kept meaning to send a message and ask but I never got round to it..." She trailed off again, giving Prazza another chance to intrude.

"I'm sure this is fascinating, but why is your old commander working for Cerberus?"

"I don't know, maybe we should ask." For the first time uncertainty coloured the quarian's voice, instead of merely shock and disbelief.

"Believe me they wouldn't have been my first choice." Nikki assured her with a touch of bitterness creeping in. "But Cerberus spent two years and a ton of credits rebuilding me, now they want me to investigate attacks on human colonies. Figured the least I can do is take a look."

"Likely story!" Prazza protested. For some reason he was the only quarian other than Tali with anything to say. Or maybe the rest of them just had better discipline. "No organization would commit so many resources to bring back one soldier."

"You haven't seen Shepard in action." Tali jumped immediately to her defense, bringing another smile to the woman in question's face. "Trust me, it was money well spent."

"I certainly hope so." Shepard decided to ignore the quiet murmur from the three-headed bitch behind her as she and Tali discussed mission objectives. Hashing out a plan and temporary alliance between their two forces.

 **VERY** temporary as it turned out.

At least the groups didn't open fire on each other, but the hunt for the quarian pilgrim, Veetor, soon turned into a race instead of the proposed co-operative endeavour. A race that ended with the flotilla's marines running straight into a heavy YMIR mech. With shields, armour, a mass accelerator machine gun and a frigging rocket launcher, the result was something of a massacre. As soon as Tali managed to hack open the gate that would let her into the loading docks, Nikki was charging through as fast as her Lazarus upgraded legs could carry her, shotgun pumping at the synthetic monstrosity before her in the hope of distracting it from finishing off the handful of surviving quarians.

"Anybody who's still breathing hit that thing with overloads. Lawson, Taylor, as soon as its shields are down I want one of your little biotic combo boom things." Shepard ordered before having to rapidly duck into cover to avoid a missile. Her plan to get its attention certainly seemed to have worked and she spent the rest of the battle dancing out the way of rockets, firing her own, more accurate, retaliatory bursts and throwing out seemingly random orders that never the less turned out to be highly effective.

...

Veetor, when they finally reached him, was clearly traumatised by what he'd experienced. However despite his mental break, he'd been able to acquire useful footage and data recordings from the attack. Recordings Miranda wanted to take back to the Illusive Man along with the quarian himself.

"What?! Veetor is injured. He needs treatment not an interrogation!" Tali chose that moment to rejoin them after taking care of her squad's wounded, her words triggering another argument with the humans. Considering Nikki didn't even want to go back to Cerberus herself, she certainly wasn't about to force anyone else into their clutches, but then she had a crazy, crazy idea.

"Lawson, Taylor, give us a moment, go wait outside."

"But Commander-" Miranda protested but Shepard quickly cut her off.

"Your presence is affecting her ability to think logically. Let me talk her round, I'll get us Veetor." It looked like the Cerberus agent would continue arguing but then they turned and marched out, leaving the Commander with a furious Tali.

"Damn it, Shepard I trusted you!"

"We need that information Tali." Nikki responded coldly but her hands told their own story, silently gesturing for her former crew member to run surveillance jamming programs. As soon as she was convinced they wouldn't be overheard her whole tone changed. "Don't worry, Veetor goes with you Tali. Just copy the recordings to a datapad for me, they can have that instead."

"Sure, but why didn't you just tell them that in the first place?"

"Because I want to ask you for a favour without them hearing."

"Of course, anything you need Shepard." She agreed without hesitation.

"You and your people have a way off this colony right?" The commander checked first, unconsciously holding her breath until Tali nodded. "Take me with you?"

...

Admiral Anderson normally had a tight grip on his emotions, he was the very definition of military stoicism. Then again it wasn't hiding his emotions that was the problem right now, it was even knowing what to feel. _How could this even be possible?_ He reread the message again.

[Admiral Anderson,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was on Commander Shepard's crew during the hunt for Saren. I don't quite know how to tell you this but she's back. Commander Shepard's alive. I found her on your colony of Freedom's Progress or, more accurately, she found me.

I should probably reassure you that the quarian people had nothing to do with the tragedy on Freedom's Progress or your other colonies. We have only recently heard about the disappearances and you have my condolences. We were there to retrieve one of our pilgrims who had activated a distress call, he was the only survivor but he managed to record some footage from the attack that the commander believes you may find interesting.

Ah yes, back to Commander Shepard. My head warns me to be wary, that it could be some kind of trick, that it can't be her, but my heart tells me that it is. She looks like Shepard, she sounds like Shepard, she fights like Shepard (the security mechs had been reprogrammed to attack anything that moved). She even knows things that I told the commander in confidence, things that I've told no other living person and that I am certain she would not have shared with anyone else.

She asked me to contact you and see if it's possible to arrange a meeting. She told me to tell you "through the gates of hell". She said you'd know what it means and she'll happily give the rest of it to you in person. My ship will arrive in the Widow system in five days, if you would rather meet in Alliance space and not the citadel then that can be arranged but may take us longer to get there. I assure you this isn't a prank and I hope to hear from you soon.

May the stars guide you,

Tali'Zorah vas Neema]

The words hadn't changed in the eight times he'd read the email, but his brain was still struggling to accept what it said. Shepard was dead. Multiple eyewitnesses had seen her get spaced when the SSV Normandy was attacked and destroyed in the Amada system two years ago. The testimony Flight Lieutenant Moreau had given at the inquest had left no doubt about the outcome, he had seen the whole thing and continued to see it regularly in his nightmares.

Joker had been given compulsory counseling sessions and taken off the roster for active duty combat pilots. It had taken a lot of Anderson's influence to prevent him being grounded altogether. He knew how much flying meant to the Lieutenant and how crushed he'd be without it. He doubted shuttle runs were the same but had hoped it was at least better than nothing, then three months ago Joker had gone AWOL. He wasn't just absent without leave but also without trace. It was like he had simply vanished from civilised space. The admiral still remembered the man's chilling account of the commander's final moments.

 _But we never found a body._ The traitorous thought passed through his mind. _We didn't need to. There is no way anybody could survive that._ A cut airline, exposure to a vacuum, The heat of reentry into a planet, the impact of hitting the ground at terminal velocity, she was dead! _But no one found the body..._

He remembered the rumour that had surfaced in the depths of the extranet a couple of weeks back; that Shepard faked her own death to join Cerberus. Of course the extranet was full of whacky conspiracy theorists. Alliance Intelligence had quickly dismissed the idea, they only even noticed in the first place because the thread contained enough keywords to trigger an automatic alert. Of course that meant STG would know as well. Hopefully the salarians had dismissed it as rubbish just as quick.

 _But what if..._ Cerberus could have created a clone, the technology was certainly there, the fact that it was illegal was unlikely to stop the terrorist organization. If there was an impostor out there claiming to be Shepard then they needed to be found and quickly. The damage they could cause if they got hold of Shepard's Alliance and Spectre codes were immeasurable. _Then again..._

He looked back at the email, the words: "through the gates of hell" jumping out at him. It was another of their codes. Not as complex as their personal 'bar code' designed to carry prearranged messages discreetly through a public place, but instead a simple identifying phrase. A lot of regular villa pairings had them. His one with Ryder came from Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Raven' but with several words changed. However none of the call and response codes had ever been written down or recorded on any villa database or anywhere else that someone could hack and discover it as being theirs. No. Nobody other than Shepard would know about that.

 _Was there any chance it could really be her?_

Either way, ignoring this was not an option. He reopened his omni-tool, planning out his response.

[Tali'Zorah vas Neema,

Thank you for your message. It is certainly hard to believe, to tell the truth I am not sure I can. However I am willing to hope. Tell your Shepard I will meet her where we had breakfast after Operation Quagmire at the time the bell rings at the Villa. If she can follow those instructions then I'll buy her a beer.

Admiral David Anderson]

Nikki sighed with relief as Tali finished reading the message aloud. If Anderson had shut her out she wasn't sure what she'd do, who she could turn to. He was being a paranoid bastard about it sure, but that was only to be expected under the circumstances. She would likely be just as cryptic if the positions were reversed.

"Thanks Tali. Send him a reply, tell him... tell him I'll see him there, but if he's paying I'd rather have a double Jack Daniels and a shot of Tequila." The quarian froze.

"I thought... I thought you didn't drink Shepard?"

"I don't, and any impostor who did a half decent job researching me would know that and think him putting that bit about a beer at the end was a test. They'd state something about being teetotal or they've not fallen off the wagon yet and pat themselves on the back for not falling for the trap. But me and Anderson have worked together a long time, we've got our own private code. I can't tell you what we're saying but that beer was a question and double Jack and a shot of Tequila is the answer, for this situation at least. Just make sure you include the bit about him paying." Tali nodded although she still wasn't completely at ease for the rest of the journey.

...

The last time Nikki had been this nervous was her wedding day just over a month ago, or a good two years back, depending which way you looked at it. At least the ward they were meeting in was used to people wandering around in armour so she didn't have to deal with any strange looks. Just the risk of sniper fire. And unlike on her wedding that wasn't just paranoia talking. She'd counted three of them so far and wouldn't be surprised if there were more. Anderson was an important man and she was a dead spectre, she'd be more worried if he hadn't taken precautions.

Finally she caught sight of the man himself, walking towards her in a leather jacket and jeans. He sat down opposite her, not saying anything as he analysed her face. It wasn't quite shock that graced his features, the email had given him time to get used to the idea of seeing her again, but he still seemed incapable of finding anything to say. After a long silence Nick decided to start things off by gesturing at his civilian clothes.

"So... If you're off duty who's commanding the snipers?"

"Noticed them did you? Sorry, it's-"

"A necessary precaution. Don't worry I understand, I'd have done the same."

"Speaking of precautions..." The admiral raised his omni-tool, doing a quick scan for surveillance bugs, checking the results before he continued: "You said something about 'through the gates of hell'." Shepard nodded.

"As we make our way to heaven."

"Through enemy lines."

"First the victory." Nikki finished the identifying code. Anderson relaxing slightly once it was done.

"Damn Shepard, I can't believe it's you."

"I'd offer to prove it with a DNA test, but a clone would pass that anyway. You got any questions only I can answer?" The older N7 took a moment to think, a lot of their activities together were highly classified but that wouldn't prevent an impostor knowing the answer, it just meant that any security leaks or breaches were much higher.

"Tell me about Operation Invictus." He finally decided. "The true version, not what we put in the reports." Her face immediately lost all cheer.

"I was sent to infiltrate a merc group, everything was going well until they raided a competitor's base. They were after red sand but what they found was hundreds of slaves of all species, mostly kids. They didn't trade in slaves but instead of freeing them they started gunning them down. I protested but I was a lowly initiate, they didn't listen to me. Instead they pushed a young batarian girl in front of me, put a pistol in my hand and told me to join in. I did a lot of shit I'm not proud of to keep my cover during Invictus, but I couldn't do that. I broke cover, killed the mercs, getting pretty banged up in the process, then called you to arrange pick up. Alliance declared the mission a failure, you smudged the reports so it looked like my cover was already blown beforehand and I didn't get in trouble."

"You saved a lot of lives that day Shepard."

"Not nearly enough of them." She retorted. Anderson was as certain it was really her as it was possible to be about something that was supposed to be impossible, but he wasn't a fan of the gloomy countenance that had settled over her at the memories of that mission and decided to do something about it.

"Ok, I'm half convinced, one more question. Who ordered that pizza during villa training?"

"Ha, nice try Sir. You know I can't answer that question." She smiled and it was just as contagious as the last time he'd seen her.

"Alright, you're you. What the hell happened? Where've you been?" She told him everything, starting with waking up in a Cerberus lab, the talk with the Illusive Man and going to Freedom's Progress, right up until Tali agreed to give her a lift to civilization. He listened, expression unreadable.

"That's... A lot to take in Shepard." He finally commented, causing the spectre to scoff.

"You're telling me Sir, I'm still struggling to wrap my head round the whole 2185 thing." That certainly helped put things in perspective, no matter how surreal all this felt to him, it had to be even more fucked up for her.

"Ok, what've you got for me?" He gestured at the two datapads on the table and she slid the first one across to him.

"Details on Project Lazarus, aka Zombie Shep. Given to me as a gesture of goodwill by Cerberus when I asked what they'd done to me. With that in mind I'd recommend keeping it on a closed network in case any viruses hitched a ride on the pad. Honestly, I didn't understand half of it and the other half made me nauseous. There are also pictures that are..." She trailed off, trying to forget the image of her own mangled corpse. "Rather graphic." Anderson reached over, placing a supportive hand on her forearm. He knew she was rarely a fan of pity so didn't offer any words of comfort, merely moving the conversation on.

"And the second?"

"What happened on Freedom's Progress, as recorded by the quarians. You're going to want to watch that." He took her advice, eyes narrowing at the footage.

"Doesn't look like any known species, are we dealing with a First Contact scenario do you suppose?"

"People I was with seemed to think it could be the collectors." Nikki offered.

"Hmm, I've never seen one. It does match the description in the rumours though. The council always said collectors were supposed to be a myth, then again the council says a lot of things. What do you think?" Shepard shrugged but did so in a way that made the Admiral question: "Well?"

"I got no proof..."

"But?" Anderson prodded.

"You were on the ground during the Battle of the Citadel right?" He nodded. "... Fight anything that came off a spike?" Another nod, this time accompanied by a slight grimace.

"Any of them nonhuman?" Ever since Eden Prime she'd been fighting human husks but during the mad dash across the presidium she'd come across spikes holding what she could only assume had once been several salarians. The image had stuck with her.

"A couple of turians and a hanar. Why?"

"Really? A hanar. What did that look like?"

"Horrifying. You were making a point Shep?"

"Right, sorry... Imagine a husk." She raised her left index finger, then repeated the action with her right as she added; "and compare it to a human. Remember the thing on the spike." She gestured once more with the left. "Compared to a turian." A wave of the right. She hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath and exhaling before deliberately tapping the datapad with her left hand. "Whatever those things on Freedom's Progress were, they kind of remind me of something I saw from the prothean beacon." Her right hand tapped her forehead.

"You sure?"

"No. Like I said, I've got no proof. It's just a feeling."

"If there's one thing I learnt from all my time working with you Shep, it's that your gut instincts are normally right. And if you're right about this then that means reapers."

"That would be the logical conclusion to jump to, yes."

"Shit." Anderson sighed. "We're still not ready for that, not by a long shot. The council increased funding for prothean research and archaeology, but details of the reapers is still very much handled on a 'need to know' basis in order to prevent unnecessary civilian panic." His gaze grew contemplative. "You said Cerberus even built you a ship?"

"Yeah, why? Oh, no. I don't like it when you wear that face Sir."

"What face?"

"The one you got on right now. Last time you looked at me like that you sent me into a krogan gambling den as a distraction so your team could sneak into the warehouse next door undetected."

"Distractions are a common enough tactic."

"Yes but this particular distraction involved me walking in alone and asking if they had a license for varren fighting. I got bitten by a krogan and head butted by a varren and I _**still**_ can't work out if the story would be better or worse if it happened the other way round!" He chuckled.

"It was a rather impressive distraction."

"It's no use you buttering me up Sir, I'm still not going to like what you're about to say."

"If it's any consolation I hate myself for even suggesting it."

"Yeah, that's not improving my sense of trepidation. Just say it already."

"I need you to go back. Use Cerberus resources to investigate and combat this threat."

"You what?! I only just escaped!"

"I know Shepard, and I'm sorry. Believe me I hate that organization and everything they stand for just as much as you do, but they're right about one thing; the Alliance is stretched too thin to be capable of combating this. We still haven't fully rebuilt the fleets from our losses in the Battle of the Citadel, let alone made progress on our new allowances as a council race. I blame the Andromeda Initiative for that."

"The what?" Nikki interrupted. For a moment Anderson looked confused by her ignorance before realisation struck.

"Oh yeah, you weren't around for that. The Andromeda Initiative. They're a large multi-species private exploration group with plans to travel under cryogenic stasis to the Andromeda galaxy. I don't know who's funding them but they've got bigger pockets than the Alliance, there's only so many working ship building yards in the galaxy and the free market means they work for the highest bidder."

"Great, just what we need in the run up to war." Shepard scoffed.

"I know. Truth is Shepard, hundreds of thousands of colonists have vanished, but the attacks have been too random and spread out for us to respond. Until this footage we thought Cerberus themselves might be behind the attacks. They certainly seemed to be lurking around in the vicinity afterwards often enough."

"They do give off such a wonderfully evil vibe as well. Particularly with their history. Which brings me back to my original point. No. I can't do it Sir, not after everything Toombsey said about Akuze."

"I understand your feelings Shepard, but Cerberus may well be the only ones with the resources to stop this, and every credit they spend on combating the collectors is a credit not being spent on any of their... other endeavours."

"I get that Sir, I really do, but I'm not the only N7 in the galaxy. Can't we send someone else instead?"

"I wish we could. We've never been able to infiltrate Cerberus and they've never shown any willingness to work with us in the past. Not to mention the political backlash that would unfold if we did. But they brought you back specifically to fight this. That means they're willing to work with you, you have a chance nobody else has."

"Yeah, a chance to get a control chip in my head!" She scoffed.

"From what you've told me so far I don't think that's likely. I'm sure they'll do their damnedest to try manipulating you, but it sounds like they wanted to bring you back exactly as you were and from what I've seen so far I'd say they succeeded."

"And what about the political backlash?" Shepard tried arguing.

"You're a spectre, it's practically expected that you'll sometimes work with dubious acquaintances.

"I still can't trust them Sir. I can't relax my guard, I won't even be able to sleep properly knowing they're on the same ship as me. You of all people know how exhausting it is being that wired all the time, and yet you still want to send me back out there alone?"

"You might not have to do it alone." He paused a moment, thinking. "Hmm, yes that might work. What would you say to Karin Chakwas going with you?" She looked at him in disbelief.

"Seriously? It's bad enough you want to throw me to the three headed hellhound, you're willing to order Chakwas there too? I'm not that cruel Sir."

"I wasn't planning on ordering her. I was going to ask. Give her a choice. She's spent the past two years on Mars; checking everyone entering or leaving the prothean archives for signs of indoctrination, along with other minor colony ailments. I'm sure she'd jump at the chance of another ship posting, even if it means she has to put up with you again."

"Gee, thanks." The sarcasm rose instinctively in response to his teasing. "I still don't like it Sir. Besides who says they'll even agree to her coming with me?"

"You've got to remember they put the money and effort into resurrecting you Shepard, they're going to want you back. And right now you get to negotiate the conditions of any collaboration with them from a position of strength." She averted her gaze from him, running her hands through her hair.

"Look... I know I've got no right to ask this of you Shepard, and if I could think of any other way then I wouldn't, but believe me I've been thinking for over a year now and I've got nothing. I swore an oath to protect the people and planets of the Systems Alliance and I'm failing. This is the only thing we've not tried yet." It was around this point that Shepard realised Anderson didn't need any fancy tech to control her. Her old friend and mentor knew her well enough that he already knew just what buttons to press to manipulate her.

"And no I can't order you, and I sure as hell wouldn't blame you if you refused, but you have to consider the alternative. What happens if you just come back to us now? You _know_ the brass will have you in debriefings for months, asking the same damn questions over and over again. And all the while more colonies are attacked, more people vanishing, more-"

"Fuck." She swore vehemently, cutting him off and fidgeting uneasily in her seat. "I hate you Sir, I hope you know that."

"Right now I hate me too."

"If this goes wrong I'm going to hate you even more."

"Understood."

"If I end up with a control chip in my brain, I'm killing you first."

"Fair enough." She looked up at him, a hundred different emotions warring across her face, before her fist slammed down onto the table.

" **Fuck!** " With a deep breath and the shallowest of nods she signified her reluctant consent. "Fine, give Chakwas a call. I'd rather have a squad of N-babies with me, but I'll take whatever back up I can get."

"Thank you Shepard." The admiral leant forward to offer his support but she brushed him off. The action hurt more than he'd admit, even though he knew he deserved it. His devotion to duty had already destroyed his marriage, he hoped it wouldn't cost him his friendship with Shepard too.

"I better start working on my list of demands." She informed him as she stood to leave. "I sure as hell ain't wearing their sodding uniform."


	68. Chapter 68

"Operative Lawson, this is Doctor Chakwas. Chakwas, Frankenstein." Had been how Shepard introduced the woman who had come to pick them up from the docks. Nobody laughed or even smiled. The joke, if indeed it had been meant as one, doing nothing to ease the tension. Instead it ratcheted up even higher as Shepard inquired with sickly sweetness: "Lawson, did you get the copy of Veetor's data I left for you ok?"

In a normal situation the question would have seemed perfectly innocent. Then again a normal situation would involve the datapad being left on a desk somewhere and not, as in this case, in the hands of a solitary deactivated Loki mech that had been left standing sentinel near Miranda and Jacob's unconscious bodies. Its head blown off, one hand holding the datapad and the other carefully posed to be giving them the middle finger while Nikki made good her escape.

Karin had chuckled at the absurdity and sheer Shepardness of the story last night while she caught up with her old commander over brandy and alcohol free beer, but she somehow doubted Miranda would see the funny side. Particularly when the operative would have had to inform the Illusive Man that she'd lost their 4 billion credit investment on the very first outing. Somehow she couldn't picture the man as a very forgiving boss.

"The data was interesting." Miranda chose not to rise to the bait, keeping her face a mask of calm as the two Alliance women deposited their duffel bags in a corner of the kodiak shuttle and found themselves seats. "Now that we know the collectors make use of some kind of advanced technology to immobilise their victims, I'd strongly recommend we start by acquiring Mordin Solus, the salarian professor-" She was cut off by the commander raising her fist to shoulder height, the Alliance hand gesture for freeze.

"I believe one of the terms of our arrangement was that I was in charge. I hope you're not trying to tell me what to do?"

"Of course not. I was merely advising that we'll need Solus in order to develop a counter-" Again Shepard utilised the freeze fist, and this time there was a ripple on lake serenity, a solitary muscle twitch on Miranda's face before she was able to regain her composure. A faint flicker at the corner of Nikki's lip signified she'd seen the slip and Doctor Chakwas mentally sighed. If she wasn't careful Lawson-baiting would become a game and then a hobby to the frustrated commander.

"Perhaps now would be a good time for me to see these dossiers I've heard so much about." Shepard suggested, while Karin made a mental note to speak with her once they were alone. The two of them were going to have to work and live in close proximity with these people for an indeterminate length of time, and while the doc wasn't expecting them to suddenly be best friends, things would go a lot smoother if the commander was a little less antagonistic in her attitude. She couldn't really blame the younger woman for acting up considering her history with the organization, but surely an attempt at cordial professionalism couldn't hurt?

The next few minutes passed in blissful silence as Nikki read through the dossiers. Loath as she was to agree with Cerberus, recruiting the salarian scientist certainly was a priority, she continued reading until something else rather prudent caught her attention.

"Hey, why are we leaving the citadel already? One of our potential recruits is there."

"Oh I wouldn't worry about little old me." A new voice came from an empty seat on her right. Shepard instinctively moved to attack, even before the cloaking device faded, blade deploying from her omni-tool and coming to rest at the newly visible woman's throat. "Kasumi Goto, at your service."

"Well that explains why my paranoia senses were tingling, I thought it was just being near her." Shepard declared, jerking her head in Lawson's direction while sheathing the omni-blade.

...

"Welcome to the new Normandy." Jacob Taylor greeted as they stepped off the shuttle and into the cargo bay. A few people stopped to look at them but for the most part the Cerberus crew continued with their tasks like good little worker bees, seemingly oblivious to the new presence in their midst, although Shepard was sure there would be discreet glances the moment her back was turned.

"I hope you've got a good pilot, if I recall the balance wasn't what you'd expect on the old Normandy. Takes a while to get used to the oversized drive core in the back and her power tends to sneak up on you if you're not careful."

"Oh I think we've got a pilot you can trust." Miranda stated smugly, but Shepard wasn't listening, her attention caught by a chuckle on the far side of the cargo bay.

"Wow, couldn't have worded it better myself Commander." She turned, surprise clear on her face to find Joker, not just standing there but also without any sign of his crutches. Her jaw dropped, no words coming out as a deluge of thoughts tumbled through her brain, too fast to process. "Yeah... I should have known she was lying, no way you'd forgive me." He muttered bitterly to himself, misinterpreting her prolonged silence. Miranda cut into their reunion with crisp, cool professionalism before Nikki could work out a response.

"Mister Moreau, if you could return to the bridge and set course for Omega please."

"Belay that!" Shepard sharply overruled. "Joker, set course for Korlus."

"Korlus?" He looked apprehensively between the two women.

"Korlus."

"Commander, a word in my office please." Somehow Lawson managed to keep her tone neutral.

"Oh sure, I don't even know where that is yet." Shepard snarked. Miranda gave an irritated 'follow me' gesture before marching off, Nikki smirking in triumph as she followed, leaving a bewildered pilot and an eerie silence in her wake.

...

"What are you playing at Shepard? You agreed that Professor Solus was a priority acquisition. That we should recruit him as soon as possible-" Miranda had refused to be goaded into an argument in front of the crew, the crisp click of her heels the only sound she made on the way to her office. Unfortunately the heavier tread of boots was NOT the commander's sole auditory contribution to the journey. The blasted woman had started humming to herself a mere three seconds after entering the lift, a tune familiar to anyone who had used the public elevators on the citadel. Thankfully she stopped again the instant the lift doors swiped open, the last few metres of their journey conducted in a silence that was broken the moment the soundproof office door slid shut behind them. Miss Lawson finally unleashed her frustration, only to be cut off mid-tirade.

" _ **Practical**_. I said we should recruit him as soon as practical."

"And now **is** practical." Shepard raised her fist in interruption again and Miranda was nearly overwhelmed with the desire to break said hand in retaliation. Unfortunately the heavy synthetic bone weave she'd used to reinforce the commander's skeleton during the Lazarus project would make that extremely difficult. She couldn't remember the last time a single person had managed to get under her skin so quickly and so thoroughly.

Miranda just couldn't understand it, Shepard was supposed to be the best humanity had to offer; a hero and a shining beacon of hope. In the past she had helped the most insignificant people with the randomest of problems, without the slightest hesitation, simply because they asked. Yet upon learning of humanity's desperate situation, instead of helping, she had turned her back and run away. Even when she had agreed to return it had been with a long list of petty demands, holding the lives of thousands of colonists hostage with her negotiations. Since the commander woke up Miranda had been knocked out, ridiculed and overruled by the younger woman. She understood that Shepard had been Alliance, that she'd had some bad experiences with Cerberus in the past, but why couldn't she just accept that those were rogue cells? That the Illusive Man was working for the benefit of mankind?

"We're at the Citadel," Nikki explained with exaggerated patience, and if her tone of voice sounded like she was talking to a child then the effect was entirely intentional. "To get to Omega we have to travel through the Eagle Nebula relay, Korlus is in the Eagle Nebula, according to your dossiers the krogan warlord and scientist Okeer is on Korlus. Solus runs a med clinic. He has a fixed abode, a life, he's not going anywhere. We have no way of knowing how long Okeer will stay put before he moves on. Yes we delay getting the salarian onboard, but it is minimal and in the long run we save time and resources rather than backtracking across the galaxy."

"Fine." Miranda allowed, forcing herself back under control. She wasn't sure if she agreed with Shepard's decision, but at least the woman had a rational reason rather than: 'I just want to piss you off and undermine your authority', _even so..._ "But couldn't we at least have had this conversation in the shuttle? As your XO it would be beneficial to crew morale and discipline if we appear to be working from the same page."

"Well that's easy enough. In future I'll give all the orders and you can stand behin- side me nodding." Just like that Miranda found her irritation back in full force.

...

Shepard padded through the empty corridors of the quiet ship. Occasionally she'd pass a member of the night shift and they'd stop what they were doing to issue a salute before returning to their duties. That in itself was another little prick of wrongness. Perhaps it was supposed to make her feel more at home but it did the opposite; most the time the hand movements were sloppy and they took no notice of the customs and courtesies of either the navy or marine corps, saluting when they shouldn't and forgetting on occasions when they should. Then there was the issue of them wearing white and gold instead of Alliance blue and the giant terrorist logo emblazoned on the walls. The wrongness made her skin crawl. Or maybe that strange prickly sensation was just where her skin was still trying to knit itself back together. Either way, twisted and wrong just about summed things up right now.

Upon reaching the cockpit she flopped down in the co-pilot's seat, Joker glancing over at her in surprise, his eyes lingering a fraction too long on her scars before dropping down to read the bright blue hoody that declared: 'I don't want to be here' in white writing.

"So... what'd I miss?" Somehow she made it sound like she'd just popped out to the toilet in the middle of a vid and the casualness threw him.

"Uh, Commander?" He'd hardly seen her since she came aboard two days ago. She'd been busy running her ground team through the grinder, while he'd been flying the ship.

"Come on, it's been two years. Humanity has a seat on the council, weapons have switched over to disposable heat sinks, apparently Elysium has a biotiball team now. Any new vids come out that you'd recommend?" He just stared at her in confusion. It was the middle of the night cycle. She should be asleep. _**He**_ should be asleep, only he tried not to as much as possible. He'd grown weary of waking up a mere handful of hours later from the nightmares of _**that**_ day. _The day Shepard had-_... He quickly cut that thought off, dry swallowing as another passed through his brain: _was she awake for the same reason?_

Her gaze was focused on the blueshifted light outside the cockpit window and before he could properly think it through he found himself asking: "Are we... Are we good Commander?"

"Hmm?" She turned to face him, expression clearly stating: 'I heard you but don't know what you're on about'.

"It's just... You didn't seem too happy when you found out I was onboard and uh... Well, if there was ever a reason worthy of holding a grudge over-..." He faltered as one side of her lips quirked up in a tired smile.

"I'm glad you're alive Joker," she reassured. "Just not sure how I feel about your choice in uniform." It hurt if she was honest. He might not have been on the ground teams, didn't experience first hand the horrors of the Cerberus labs they'd stumbled upon while serving onboard the first Normandy, but still... he had to know what they were capable of.

"The Alliance grounded me." Jeff defended himself. "They took away the one thing in life that mattered to me. Then I was shown the blueprints for this baby, hell yeah I joined Cerberus." Part of her wanted to be disappointed that his allegiance had had been bought so easily. A larger part was thankful that was all there was to it. That he didn't believe in their ideals.

"And do you really trust them?"

"Well, I don't trust anyone who earns more than I do, but they aren't all bad. Saved your life, let me fly. Then there's these leather seats." She scoffed at that last one, it was an obvious attempt to dispel tension, the lightness didn't last long however. Seriousness returning as the pilot continued: "I mean... I just don't see why they'd invest this much money if they were planning to screw us over?"

Shepard stayed silent, remembering the undoubtedly expensive experiments that had gone wrong in Cerberus facilities she'd encountered in the past. The fact that they likely had more money than brains didn't exactly endear the organization to her.

Her gaze returned to the window. The streaks of light signifying passing stars as they traveled at Faster-Than-Light speed were undeniably beautiful, but the faint spike in her heart rate made her wonder if she could ever find the same level of peace looking out at the night sky as she did before the... incident.

"Anyone asked how you're doing lately?" Joker suddenly inquired, his voice cutting across the auditory vacuum. She shook her head and he took a breath before doing just that. "How you doing Shep?"

She didn't respond at first, in fact Joker was beginning to think she wouldn't answer at all when she randomly blurted out: "I got ten toes."

"Uh, most humans do Commander. It's what separates us from the turians."

"Yeah but I don't. I lost one years ago on Antibaar and now all of a sudden the little fucker's back, just grinning up at me every time I look at my feet. And I lost a dragon wing! All the money Cerberus spent putting me back together you'd think they could at least touch up my tattoos but noooo..." She lapsed back into momentary silence and Joker shifted awkwardly beside her, wishing he hadn't asked.

It wasn't that he didn't care as such, just that he had no idea what the hell to do. He was more used to receiving and often ignoring psychological help than dispensing it. He was pretty certain he wasn't qualified, particularly when his CO added: "I keep tilting my head at funny angles in the mirror trying to work out if my dental records still match."

"Couldn't you just ask Chakwas?" He attempted to pass the problem on, but she grunted non-committedly in response.

"I saw how she looked at me after reading the data on Project Lazarus." That didn't really help him much. Idly he wondered how they could go from barely speaking since the commander came aboard, to deep dark conversations like this. "It was the same look you get when you're in civvies and someone finds out about your Vroliks."

"Ah..." Now he understood. Well, that part at least, he hated that look. A mix of pity and fascinated curiosity. "Only thing worse than that is the look I get when people find out for the first time while I'm in uniform."

"Right." Shepard snorted. "She says I'm me, but..." She shrugged hopelessly before electing to change the topic. "So... Elysium Executioners, they any good?"

"I don't know, I don't pay any attention to b-ball." Joker ruined the changeover.

"Elysium Executioners have won seven of their last ten games." A voice piped up from the pilot's left, interrupting him, Shepard starting slightly as EDI's blue avatar popped into existence. She mentally cursed herself for forgetting about the Cerberus abomination, wondering how long the damn thing had been spying on them. It was no use her guarding her tongue around the Cerberus crew if she was just casually going to blurt things out where the walls could hear and report back on her. She needed to be more careful.

"Commander can't we get a mute button for this thing? It's like ship cancer." Nikki was gratified that she wasn't the only one creeped out by the thing, but she knew turning the volume off wouldn't stop it listening in on them. She feigned nonchalance as she retorted:

"Oh I don't know, at least _**it**_ pays attention to biotiball." _Probably not actually, much more likely it just did a super quick extranet search. Still, no point antagonising the thing that could potentially turn off the ship's oxygen. One death by asphyxiation was more than enough thank you._ "So EDI, have they got a strong team or just one stand out player they'd fall apart without?"

 _I can't believe I'm talking b-ball with a damn AI._ She thought as the intelligence concerned started answering her questions and listing various stats.

...

It was a sad state of affairs when you felt safer on the second highest murder per capita travel destination in the Teminus systems than on your own ship, Nikki mused as she cheerfully bit into her takeaway kinyernasap. The two Cerberus operatives with her seemed decidedly less at ease; although whether that was due to Korlus' less than savoury reputation, the high number of aliens around them, or simply a fear she'd try to knock them out again and do another runner she wasn't entirely certain.

Either way, nobody else had been interested in the asari-batarian fusion cuisine she was currently sampling while waiting for Miss Goto to finish finding out just where on this junkyard planet their target was.

"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy." Jacob quoted quietly as he observed the diverse lifeforms flowing around the market. They were by no means the only humans present, but were heavily outnumbered by the amount of batarian, quarian and even volus walking around. It seemed every species in the known galaxy had a representative or ten in the roiling crowds and Shepard loved it. The almost overwhelming variety of sights, sounds and smells leaving her feeling more alive than at any other point since her revival.

"This is nothing, wait until you see Omega." She advised. _Now that_ _ **is**_ _a hive of villainy_. _At least Korlus has real sunlight, not that artificial crap._ It was warm too. Nowhere near as hot as home but the native Mindoirian would take what she could get, shifting slightly so her black armour could absorb more heat from the sun, as content as a lizard basking on a rock. She didn't let that contentment dull her senses though. Hand darting out with impressive speed and precision as she noted a small amount of her food attempt to levitate. "Did you get the intel Kasumi?"

"Of course." The thief sounded almost insulted as she shimmered back into visibility. Nikki got the feeling that the Japanese woman found the bustle all around them just as refreshing and invigorating as she did, and suspected Goto was a few credits richer than when she left the group. "Okeer's at a Blue Suns compound, I've got the coordinates."

...

"The krogan are your example and your warning. As ferocious as they are, failures are expendable!" From the moment Shepard's team stepped off the shuttle they'd been under bombardment from this tirade of pure drivel, courtesy of an ever present system of loudspeakers.

"Is she really so delusional that she thinks that actually motivates people or is she just an asshole?" Shepard wondered out loud across the squad comms before adding: "What do you think Miranda?"

"Why are you asking me? How would I know?"

"Well, you're the most delusional person here." Nikki immediately shot back before internally cringing as her brain processed the words. Believe it or not she **had** been _trying_ to follow doctor's orders and be less confrontational towards her new crew members, but it was proving tricky.

She'd even offered to buy them food earlier when she got herself something, but naturally they'd declined the non-human food despite it being perfectly safe for all levos and mighty damn tasty to boot. And now, when she tried including them in the light banter she was engaged in with Kasumi across the battlefield, the woman just stuck to her ice cold bitchface personality and set herself up perfectly for the petty comeback.

"And you're an asshole." Lawson muttered so quietly that Shepard nearly missed it and certainly wouldn't have heard it without her new, keener Lazarus project hearing. Nick simply smirked. Regardless of whether or not she _intended_ to say it, there was something immensely satisfying about getting under the other woman's skin. Before things could escalate any further Kasumi's voice cheerfully cut across comms to inform them of a non-bloodraging krogan fighting Blue Suns up ahead.

"Nobody target the krogan. We go in, kill the Blue Suns then the rest of you find defensive positions while I talk to him."

"You want to talk to the krogan?"

"It's only fair, we already talked to a Blue Sun, he didn't seem to know much."

"And if he attacks you?"

"Then we fight back. He's not blood raging though so I doubt that'll be a problem, the krogan have a saying... I forget what it is at the moment but it's very close to the human one about the enemy of my enemy. You'd do well to remember that saying Lawson, it's the reason I'm here after all. Joining you guys against the reapers makes marginally more sense than helping the reapers take down Cerberus."

...

Hours later Miranda thought back on those words as she sat in her office, dutifully typing up a mission report for the Illusive Man. Shepard had been able to talk peacefully with her chosen krogan but there were far more blood raging specimens up ahead who had been beyond talking and the battle had been tough. Miranda had the bruises to prove it. She would have had far worse injuries if it hadn't been for Shepard. Despite the loud and vehement daily doses of vitriol aimed both at Lawson personally and her employers, the commander hadn't even hesitated to run straight at a krogan who had managed to bowl Miranda over during a charge.

It sounded suicidal, the actions of a mad woman, but somehow Shepard timed it to perfection. A bellowing war cry and a burst of weapon's fire distracted the massive reptile, it's pea sized brain informing it Shepard was a threat that needed immediate extermination and it forgot about the helpless biotic at it's feet, one good stomp or shotgun blast away from annihilation. The moment she was sure she had the krogan's complete attention the spectre ducked back into cover. Insanity forgotten as she instantly returned to the crisp, cool, sane tactics of a professional soldier. The woman was just one giant living contradiction.

However despite the squad not suffering any casualties, Miranda struggled to word her report so that the mission came across as anything other than a complete failure. Okeer was dead. Any knowledge he may have had about the collectors gone with him. All they had to show for their time on Korlus was a tank containing a single pure, perfect krogan. Miranda wasn't sure she wanted to know what a warlord so radical he'd been exiled from Tuchanka's definition of 'perfect krogan' was. She would be quite happy to send both tank and the creature inside to another Cerberus cell for study. Of course, Shepard had a nasty habit of doing the complete opposite of what she recommended, but even she wouldn't risk the entire crew's lives in a petty act of rebellion. _Would she?_ A sudden inexplicable feeling of dread filled her.

"EDI, what is the commander doing right now?"

"Commander Shepard is currently in the elevator on her way to the mess hall. She has expressed a desire to make schnitzels." The AI declared and Miranda breathed a sigh of relief. The only pork on the ship was _**supposed**_ to be being saved for a Sunday roast. However considering all the things the dratted woman _could_ be doing, that was a minor issue not worth instigating an argument about.

"The commander thinks Grunt will enjoy the way you get to beat the meat with a hammer before smothering in breadcrumbs and drowning in oil." EDI continued, Miranda wondered how anyone managed to make cooking sound so violent before a much more pressing question entered her head.

"Who on earth is Grunt?" EDI had never used any nicknames before, always referring to people by their proper titles. Even Joker was Mr Moreau.

"The krogan that was brought onboard at Korlus." Miranda had heart palpitations at that.

"What!? When did Shepard let it out of the tank?"

"Thirteen minutes and twenty-eight seconds ago."

"Why didn't you stop her? Why didn't you tell me?"

"She ordered me not to. I did try to inform her about Cerberus protocols but that only seemed to make her more determined. I also suggested it would be prudent to let someone else know in case she needed backup but she insisted that she had a plan and everything would be fine."

Not for the first time Miranda wished the Illusive Man had allowed her to fit the commander with a control chip. She took a deep breath to compose herself, it wasn't the AI's fault, it may be sentient but it was still limited by programming. She briefly considered whether or not she should teach it about reverse psychology but for now decided to settle for: "EDI, the next time Shepard says something 'will be fine', inform me **immediately**."

...

 **Author's note:** I'm back! Sorry for the immensely long wait for this one. It was partly life getting in the way and partly the chapter itself being a real pain to write. I'm still not entirely sure I'm happy with it so please let me know what you think of it in the reviews. Good or bad, all opinions are appreciated.

In particular I'm not sure how I feel about some of the characterizations. Pretty sure Miranda is out of character, it's my first time writing her and she probably should have kept her cool a bit better. Then again canon Miranda wasn't knocked out by Shepard in the first mission and generally didn't have as much asinine actions to deal with. Similarly considering how much undercover work Nikki's implied to have done for the Villa she _**aught**_ to be capable of being a bit more professional. She's just very frustrated right now, feels backed into a corner and is lashing out around her. Resurrection's not an easy situation to deal with mentally and she's trying to do it without drink, drugs or a killing spree, looking at it that way high amounts of passive aggressiveness and bouts of pettiness aren't so bad. Right?

No idea when the next chapter will be but I promise I'm not going to abandon this story, I'm having far too much fun with the characters.


	69. Chapter 69

"Lieutenant Deacon, Private Lambert, Corporal May," Nikki recited the names of those lost on Akuze as she worked her way through the set of fifty pushups that had become part of her morning routine. She may be forced to work with the devil, but she wouldn't forget what they had done.

Of course _technically_ there had only been 49 deaths that day, she herself being the fiftieth marine on Akuze, the sole survivor or so she'd thought. Unfortunately Cerberus's evil knew no bounds and she had no difficulty finding another name to roundoff her set. Her muscles ached, reminding her they'd already done a full set of pull-ups, but she grit her teeth as she forced her way through: "Sergeant Harris... Corporal Toombs... Admiral Kahoku."

She let her arms collapse, rolling onto her back as she gasped for air. A handful of seconds breather only and then she was up, heading for the shower so she could begin her day.

...

Shepard smiled when her eyes landed on Grunt as she entered the mess for breakfast. He was all alone at one table, the ship's crew giving him a wide berth, but he didn't seem to care about the lack of company; his attention focused on the multitude of plates covering the entirety of the surface before him, it looked suspiciously like there was a separate plate for every edible item that was currently being served. The young krogan may have centuries worth of knowledge about krogan history and fighting techniques in his brain, but he had no experience of life or the pleasures it could contain. He seemed eager to learn, particularly about the joys of food.

As she neared him he made a disgruntled sound, removing a plate of mushrooms from his collection and sliding it beneath the table where it joined a growing selection of rejects that filled what Nikki had mistakenly considered to be empty chairs.

"How's it going Grunt?" She asked, picking up the shunned offerings so she could sit down beside him.

"This is my favourite." He declared happily as he munched his way through a plate of boiled eggs. Shepard briefly considered explaining to him that you were supposed to remove the shells before eating but decided against it. Just as she failed to mention how the fried eggs in his reject pile were technically the same food. Instead she scraped the various leftovers onto a single plate, taking care to make sure the croissants didn't land in the chopped tomato and tucked in, ignoring his stare at her decision to eat what he considered to be the disgusting foods.

"Have you tried bacon yet?" Nikki enquired, pointing out the plate in question. His hand reached out, claiming a rasher and returning to his mouth, his eyes broadcasting his awe as the taste hit his tongue.

" **This** is my favourite!" Nikki laughed brightly at his change of mind, earning a few stares from the Cerberus personnel who had never heard the sound before. She went to pick some of the heavenly food off his plate only to find a heavy grip around her wrist.

"Mine." Grunt growled threateningly but she didn't cower, merely turned her head to look at him, seeming completely nonplussed as she responded in an amused voice:

"Don't make me kill you with a fork Grunt, I just want to show you something." The krogan wondered if she'd show him how to kill someone with a fork, it sounded interesting and hadn't been included in Okeer's imprints. He'd have to ask her later. For now he let go, watching with curiosity as she pulled items off several different plates and piled them together, before pouring a golden coloured liquid over the whole thing and placing the concoction in front of him. "Try this."

The thought of putting different foods in his mouth at the same time hadn't even occurred to Grunt before and his mind was blown as the mix of flavours combined into something even greater than the sum of their parts. He stared out across the table, wondering what else could be created from it. Fortunately the commander seemed just as eager to teach him as he was to learn. It was only his second day out the tank but it was already looking like the best day ever.

...

Grunt charged, his shotgun singing sweetly as he focused on the only worthy opponent on the battlefield. He ignored the petty assaults of the inferior beings all around him, not noticing as the combined effect of their weapons fire took down his shield. A lucky shot brought him to his knees but he stumbled back up with a roar.

"No. Not good enough." Shepard's voice cut clearly through the cacophony of war and a moment later the simulation faded to reveal the Normandy's shuttle bay. "Charging off like that puts both you and the rest of the squad at risk."

"If they can't look after themselves they don't deserve to live." The krogan retorted, annoyed at being held back by such weaklings. "Okeer said-"

"I don't care. Okeer's not here, I am." The commander strode towards him. "You have the strength and ability to be a great warrior Grunt." His chest swelled at her praise. "But you also have the potential to be so much more, _**if**_ you learn to fight smart and how to be part of a team."

He already _knew_ how to fight. The tank had taught him everything he needed to know about combat and how to beat the other species. Then again the tank said that humans, asari and salarians were all supposed to be soft, easy to kill. Shepard most definitely wasn't, she had even bested him each time they sparred. It made him wonder what else the tank was wrong about.

...

Nikki had lost count of the amount of battlefields she'd been on, the stench of blood and smoke and rotting corpses entwining into a single disgusting bouquet. Then there was the aroma associated with slave pens; the sweat, vomit, faeces and fear of a hundred sentient beings crammed tight into a space barely big enough for forty. And somehow she doubted she'd ever forget the smell of that batarian prison, the _nicest_ part had been when her team had infiltrated in and out via the varren infested sewers.

Despite her vast and varied nasal experiences she couldn't help but wrinkle her nose in disgust as she stepped out the Normandy's airlock, immediately coming under assault from the unique fragrance of Omega. Lawson certainly hadn't been exaggerating in her description of the place.

Grunt alone seemed unaffected by the smell, but then this was his first experience of anywhere other than the Normandy. He was still busy processing the sights and sounds of the place, none of the images and vids from the tank could prepare him for reality and everything seemed so new and fresh. Even a rank, millennia old space station.

He tensed as a salarian approached them, relaxing at a subtle hand signal from Shepard. It wasn't long before a batarian scared the scavenger away, Grunt didn't like his attitude, the way he demanded the commander obey the whims of this 'Aria'. He wanted to teach the batarian some respect but he remembered Shepard's words, both during transit and right before they left the ship: "A lot of people will try and provoke a fight from us, they may even try to insult us, but they are just the meaningless words of cowards. There's no honour in fighting such worthless opponents. Always remember, the greatest insult a krogan can give is to deem someone not worth killing. And trust me, few people are worthy of a death at our hands. We don't start any fights, but if it becomes unavoidable we _**will**_ finish them. Just follow my lead and you'll be fine."

So he followed her lead all the way into Afterlife, hiding his disappointment when the group of batarians trying to intimidate them just inside the club pissed their pants at his commander's response instead of descending into a brawl like he'd hoped. The pounding music and flashing lights were such a contrast to the quiet and pristine Normandy that he'd spent his entire short life on so far, his head darting around to take it all in while Shepard spoke to the melodramatic asari in charge.

...

"It affects multiple species: turians, salarians, krogan, you name it. Only humans are immune. And vorcha, if you count them." _Nothing's ever simple is it._ Nikki glanced uncertainly at Grunt standing behind her, she needed to recruit Professor Solus but this plague had already proven its lethality, she didn't want to risk her new friend's life.

"Sorry Grunt, but it's safer to stick with a squad who's immune to the plague."

"You promised me I could fight with you." The giant krogan practically whined.

"And you will, but you can't fight a plague, you can't even see it!"

"I'm not afraid of a disease. I don't get sick."

"Grunt, you're less than two weeks old! How the hell would you know?"

"Commander, if the slums are as lawless as they say then he might be useful." Miranda interrupted, earning a glare from the younger woman. _Trust Cerberus to put the mission before the wellbeing of the people on it._ Then again in fairness that wasn't solely a Cerberus mindset, she still remembered Anderson's teachings: _'sometimes the cost of failing a mission is higher than the cost of losing your men'_. The difficult part was knowing when those times were.

She could always postpone, wait until Jacob made contact with the mercenary that was supposed to be meeting them this afternoon on the Omega docks. Or even call Jacob or Kasumi in to replace the krogan right now and let one of the ship side crew greet the merc. But there was no way of knowing what the situation was inside the slums. It had already been at least a week, what if something happened to the professor before they got there? Surely there must be other scientists in the field who could help against the collectors? But she had no idea who they were, or if they were competent, or how to convince them to abandon their current projects.

Grunt was still looking at her pleadingly, desperate to be allowed to come and she felt her resolve falter. Besides, what the else was she supposed to do with him? Force him to sit on a ship full of xenophobes and hope neither side started a fight in her absence? Allow him to wander the perilous streets of Omega without an escort?

"Fine. But remember what I've been teaching you."

...

They made good time fighting through the streets, even with Shepard stopping to help everyone she could along the way. She couldn't help it, it was just the kind of person she was. Didn't matter if it was a sick batarian claiming 'her kind' were responsible for the plague, or a group of frightened humans hiding in case of retribution from non-humans who thought the same. She did what she could to provide them all with hope or, where possible, something more substantial.

Then she heard the cough.

"You ok Grunt?"

"I don't get sick!" He declared resolutely. The proclamation ruined slightly by the racking cough that tore through his lungs. Shepard gripped her rifle a little tighter, upping the pace slightly as she pushed her squad a little harder to get to the salarian's med clinic in time.

...

Fortunately by the time they reached Solus the professor had already developed a cure for the plague, and Shepard was able to breathe a little easier once he'd administered the lifesaving treatment to Grunt. Well... briefly that is. At least until the vorcha switched off the life support systems meaning everybody in the entire district's breathing was about to become a hell of a lot harder if she didn't hurry up and do something about it.

"Alright Lawson, breather helmet on." Shepard instructed, following her own advice. It blocked peripheral vision slightly but was better than suffocating. Admittedly they had some time before the air became stale and the current oxygen levels dropped below safety percentages, but she wasn't willing to risk not noticing the danger later. In fact if human's hadn't been immune to the plague she would have ordered them on earlier. "Grunt?"

"Yeah, yeah I know: stick to incendiary rounds against vorcha, don't charge the pyros, don't waste concussive rounds on krogan and don't forget about the flank." Actually she'd been about to tell him to stay at the clinic, he had been coughing up blood a mere five minutes ago after all. However Mordin's chemical cocktail seemed to have done the trick and without working environmental systems he had just as much chance of dying here as he did out there. At least if he was fighting by her side they had more chance of reaching the controls in time. Plus she was pleased he was listening to her advice.

"Good. And the varren?"

"If they're attacking you or Lawson I have to kill it, not try to adopt it." He muttered a little less enthusiastically and Nikki fervently hoped he'd remember that one. She was fairly sure she'd find it hilarious to watch back the helmet cam footage later, but it certainly hadn't been funny at the time.

...

"Shepard, I've scanned the room. The central control system is in an alcove in the centre of the back wall. You can inject the cure and reinitialise systems there." Nikki was pretty sure she could have figured that out herself, but the Normandy's AI was only trying to help and it did save them maybe twenty seconds in the long run so she thanked it and followed its instructions. Only to immediately come under fire from more vorcha reinforcements.

"I have located the fan controls. There are two, one on either side of the room you are in now." _Yeah, never would have figured that out by myself. How did I_ _ever_ _manage to complete missions without you?_ the commander thought sarcastically as she scrambled into cover to avoid a rocket that nearly hit her despite being very poorly aimed. A second explosion had her ears ringing.

"God damn it! Where the hell did they get so many rocket launchers from?"

"Unknown. However they are using the ZS9 Mk84 from Elkoss Combine, so the most logical explanation would be-" _And the award for most useless information from an AI goes to..._

"It was a rhetorical question EDI!"

...

"District saved, diabolical plan thwarted, professor recruited... All in all I'd say that's a job well done. I vote for a shower and ice cream. Not at the same time." Nikki opined as they made their way back through the streets of Omega.

"Aren't you forgetting something Commander?" Of course Miranda just had to open her mouth and ruin Shepard's good mood. To think they'd been doing so well, nearly an entire mission together without a declaration of war and only two and a half fairly minor instances of snark, Doctor Chakwas would be so proud.

"Uh... Chocolate sprinkles?" The spectre wasn't willing to let go of the dream just yet.

"No, Archangel. Aria didn't seem to think he could hold out much longer."

"Think of it like an audition, if he can't hold off a couple hundred mercs until I've had a shower then he's got no hope on our little suicide mission." Shepard's faux cheer evaporated in the face of the Cerberus operative's patented 'look' and she gave a groan. "Fine, fine, no rest for the wicked. I'll go save his useless hide. But if the plan's still to infiltrate in as freelance mercs then you're not coming. I'll take Jacob or the actual merc if he's arrived yet. Grunt you still up for some more fighting?"

The tank bred krogan literally bounced with excitement as he pounded his fists together in response. Nikki couldn't help a smile at his enthusiasm. "Well that makes one of us at least. Lawson, I expect ice cream when I get back, or failing that tiramisu." With those parting words she headed off towards Afterlife. _This bloody vigilante better be worth it._


	70. Archangel

He was going to die. Of that he was certain. Of course technically everybody died eventually, but his demise was closer than most. Truth be told he was surprised he'd held out this long. He dimly wondered if he was supposed to be afraid. He was angry, full of hate and regret, but not really scared.

He'd already recorded a message. His 'final reckoning'. An attempt to set the record straight and tell his side of the story, to combat the lies and propaganda that would circulate after his death. He wondered if anyone would ever listen to it. Would they care? About who he was and why he'd come? Or would he forever be known as Archangel, the fool turian who thought he could change Omega.

That had been several hours ago. Every time he dared to hope that they might run out of mercs to send against him yet more reinforcements arrived. The mobile turret he'd installed along with the barricades on the ground floor finally fell silent, utterly destroyed by overwhelming firepower. It was only a matter of time before he shared its fate. The fate of his squad, lying in body bags in the other room.

He was so tired. Even his anger had faded, drained away along with the last trickles of adrenaline that had been powering his body. Exhaustion taking up camp in every muscle of his being. He wouldn't last much longer. It was simple mathematics. The time needed to reload his rifle meant he could never kill them all before they made it across the bridge.

It was strange how your priorities changed at the end. He never would have believed it if anyone had told him he'd end up calling his father in his last moments in this galaxy. That he would tell Vakarian Sr. he was right. He'd also told him he was doing target practice but his father wasn't stupid, he knew what was going on, even if he didn't know the where or the why.

The enemy had taken the bridge and were into the hall below him. He'd locked the door to his vantage point but knew it wouldn't hold them for long. He couldn't get out but he would take as many with him as possible. He was only sorry it wouldn't be enough. He wouldn't be able to avenge his team like they deserved. No... they deserved more than that. They deserved to be alive, to have had a better leader than him.

He popped back up, overruling the protestation from his aching body as he sighted another one, nearly dropping his rifle in shock at the face that appeared in his scope. It was the face of a ghost. Or maybe a valkyrie.

He'd heard the ancient Earth myth from a human at C-Sec years ago; of warrior women that came to collect the souls of those who died in battle. According to turian tradition it was supposed to be the spirits of his clan, a mix of the greatest warriors and the closest family, depending on how he'd lived his life and earnt his death. At least that was the stories they were taught as children. He'd never really believed it. Just like how he'd never been a good turian. Maybe those character flaws were enough for his clan to turn their back on him and allow his old commander's spirit to be the one to come collect him. Either that or she'd fought them for the honour. He wouldn't put it past her.

The beep of his shields failing brought his attention back to reality and he ducked back into cover, shaking his head with an irritated growl to clear the stupidity from his brain. Great, sleep deprivation was making him hallucinate again.

"They're with Archangel!" The sudden, panicked call from below confused him. He didn't have any backup left. Erash, Monteague, Mierin, Krul, Melenis, Ripper, Sensat, Vortash, Butler, Weaver... They were all dead. The only one missing was Sidonis and he somehow doubted that traitor had come back to help.

Taking a peek, he saw the valkyrie attacking his enemies, he didn't remember physical help being part of the legend but the opposition went down regardless. For the first time he noticed the others with her; a young krogan and two human males occupying opposite ends of the age and skin tone spectrum. He didn't recognise any of the others but they were displaying far more teamwork than any of the other freelancers, even if it fell short of the smooth, instinctive, almost telepathic synergy the Normandy squad had developed by the end of their hunt for Saren.

Of course the Blue Suns on the barricade had to notice eventually, opening fire on his would be saviours from behind. He'd call it cheating if Shepard's team hadn't just done something similar. Instead he lined up a head shot and got to work, covering the squad's back as they advanced towards his position.

The next few minutes passed with agonising slowness, fear and hope squeezing tight around his lungs in equal measure as he waited to see who would reach his position first. Strange how he hadn't been scared until he had hope. He'd been resigned and accepting of his fate until there was a chance of something else. He heard the door open behind him but didn't turn around, concentrating on the human merc hiding behind a pillar in his scope. There was still a chance this could be the last shot of his life and he wasn't about to botch it.

"Archangel?" He breathed easy as he heard her voice. It was a little curter than how she normally spoke to her crew, but it was undoubtedly her voice, besides... if she was calling him that then she had no way of knowing he was crew. He gently squeezed the trigger, ruining yet another merc's day, before he turned to face her, making sure he was in cover before he sluggishly sat down and removed his helmet.

"Shepard... I thought you were dead." He'd heard rumours that it was possible but never believed he'd see it, let alone be the one to cause it as his former commander was rendered speechless. Her jaw dropped in surprise and she blinked owlishly a couple of times before finally her brain and mouth managed to recover their usual unstoppable connection and she blurted out:

"Garrus? You- here... what-... How the **hell** did you manage to piss off every merc organisation in the Terminus systems?!" He chuckled.

"It wasn't easy, I _really_ had to work at it." She grinned in appreciation of his response, but it quickly faded as her sharp, analytical gaze roved across his face. He must look as bad as he felt.

"Taylor, Massani, balcony. Grunt, door." She ordered, her squad instantly moving to set up guard while she closed the distance between them, pulling dextro rations and medi-gel from a pouch in her armour. "Eat, drink, you're going to need the energy if we're to get out of here."

"They'll slaughter us if we try to get out that way." He protested, gesturing towards the bridge. "They've got the rear of the building covered with snipers and I sealed off the access tunnels in the basement."

"Have you considered flying out?"

"There's two X3M skycars in the garage but they're too slow, the Blue Suns have a Mantis gunship, we'd be shot down before we make it half a block. No... I suggest we hold this location, wait for a crack in their defences and take our chances. It's not a perfect plan, but it's a plan." Her lips twitched again and he could hardly believe there had once been a time when he'd found human facial expressions so difficult to read. Not when this smirk seemed to so clearly say: _Bitch, please, I'm Commander Shepard!_

"Would this be a good time to mention I have a kodiak shuttle just waiting for co-ordinates for extraction? We follow your plan until we can takeout the Mantis, then we should be good for pickup."

...

The plan went off perfectly. Well... If you ignored the bit where the Blood Pack decided to send a demolition team through the auxiliary tunnels forcing Shepard and Grunt to head down to the basement to fend them off while the rest of the team helped defend the bridge.

Oh, and that bit where the gunship wasn't content with playing the part of sacrificial lamb, instead deciding to spray the wall with its turret mounted machine guns and launch rockets through the windows. Garrus was caught in the blast and it took all of Shepard's training and combat experience to keep focused on the fight until they'd taken care of the threat.

The moment the Mantis was destroyed she was by the turian's side. Villa training had included basic front line trauma care for the major alien species, but a quick glance was enough to tell her this was far beyond her skill set.

Nikki wanted to scream, to cry, to beg for Garrus to hold on and not die on her. Instead the commander buried the feelings deep, it shouldn't have been so easy but she'd had plenty of practice in her career. A numb horror, an almost hollow feeling, took up residence inside her chest but she ignored it as she called the shuttle for medevac and ordered her squad to watch the perimeter. Just because the gunship was down didn't guarantee all the mercs would instantly stop fighting.

The part of her that thought and felt watched on in a semi-detached way as she carried out her training on autopilot: apply direct pressure to the wound, try and stem the bleeding. Tourniquets worked great for this if the injury was on an arm or leg, not so useful with a head injury. Medi-gel was widely considered a miracle worker by civilians and troops alike but even it had its limits.

She needed more hands. She wasn't sure if it was evolution or creationism that was to blame but the fact that most dominant species only had two arms was, right now, the stupidest thing ever. Four or more arms would be so much handier. She didn't even notice the pun as she tried every trick she could think of to keep Garrus alive long enough to get him to Chakwas. Chakwas could help. Chakwas was god. Chakwas would have had the common sense to give her four arms if she'd been responsible for divine creation.

The shuttle finally arrived and she had her more hands. The fact that they were attached to more bodies that were getting in the way and not to her brain, forcing her to come up with words to coordinate them instead of simply knowing what needed to be done, made it less than ideal, but still an improvement. An omni-tool glowed bright orange, scanning the wounded turian and forwarding the details to the Normandy, warning the doctor what she would be up against before the patient arrived. Saving time and hopefully saving lives.

Doctors Chakwas and Solus were waiting for them in the shuttle bay, taking control of the situation as soon as the doors opened. For once Shepard had no problems relinquishing command. She followed them up to deck 3, slightly disappointed but neither surprised nor protesting when she was ordered to stay outside the med bay. She knew the doc needed space and arguing against her instructions only delayed the time before she could get to work and start her magic. She DID however protest when Lawson tried to enter. Nikki didn't want that terrorist working on her turian friend. Who knew what the bitch would try to do to him.

"Commander! I need her." Chakwas' firm voice interrupted the less than friendly debate. Shepard took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching her fists helplessly.

"Fine, but no funny business." She warned the Cerberus operative darkly as she stepped out the way. "He dies, you die."

...

The mess was practically empty, no one willing to stay around the volatile commander as she paced impotently up and down the side of the med bay. With the mission over, the adrenaline that saw her through had faded and now she was bone tired. Her brain deep into the cycle of 'should have, would have, could have' that had her replaying the mission over and over in her head. Desperately trying to work out a way she could have done things differently. A way that didn't leave her friend fighting for his life in the med bay.

 _You should have got Archangel first. Mordin could have waited. The vorcha shut down life support, if I hadn't been there at the time the whole district would have suffocated including the professor._

 _Not if you'd listened to Lawson. Should have gone straight to Omega not pissed about on Korlus first. You just wanted to show her who's in charge and now Garrus is the one who'll suffer. Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!_

She frustratedly ran bloodstained hands through her short cropped hair, oblivious to everything around her. The only thing that mattered was sequestered behind the opaque tinted infirmary windows and the shut med bay door.

"Why do you care so much about the turian?" A voice penetrated her haze and she spun round, forcefully pushing Grunt against the nearest wall before she realised the rather surprised krogan had been asking with curiosity rather than vindictiveness. Internally she winced and externally she sighed.

"He's my friend... My battle brother." The young tank born didn't seem satisfied and she searched her mind for a way to explain that he would understand. "He's my krantt." Grunt nodded slowly.

"Then you have nothing to worry about." It was Nikki's turn to be confused. "Anyone worthy of being your krantt must be tough."

She wasn't sure he quite understood how life and death worked. How fickle and uncaring fate could be. But she hoped he was right.

 _..._

"He's going to pull through." Those five words broke through Nikki's stupor, causing her to look up at the tired but caring face of Doctor Chakwas.

"Thanks doc."

"It wasn't just me." Karin replied pointedly but wasn't convinced Shepard was with it enough to get her meaning.

"Can I see him?"

"Not like that." Nikki frowned until she realised the doctor's hand gesture encompassed her battle scorched armour and dyed blue hands. "He's still out at the moment regardless. Have a shower, some food and some rest Commander, I'll let you know as soon as you can visit."

...

"Shepard!" Garrus noticed her the moment she walked into the med bay. He tried to rise from his bed but was pushed back down by Chakwas who continued her checkup scans. "We were just talking about you."

"Nothing bad I hope?"

"Oh just the fact that apparently we're both alive, that this isn't actually the Afterlife."

"Well duh, I have much better music tastes than Aria." Nikki teased, trying to gloss over the darker subject matter, she still wasn't entirely sure what to think about the implications whenever that particular topic came up.

"Debatable." The turian scoffed before turning his attention to Chakwas: "You're right, she hasn't changed."

"Much to my dismay." The doc teased back, giving them each a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder as she left, allowing the two friends privacy for their conversation. Her departure left a void, an uneasy silence seeping in as neither was sure what to talk about. They hadn't had this problem when they were under fire, their banter had flowed easily then, just like old times.

"So... Chakwas wouldn't give me a mirror, how bad is it?" Garrus finally broke the silence, gesturing at himself. Nikki looked up at him, the bandages covering one side of his face, it certainly wasn't going to be pretty but considering the last time she'd seen him, the worry she'd had that he was going to bleed out right in front of her, it was a definite improvement.

"Hell Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there and nobody'll even notice." She decided to stick to ribbing and banter, it usually served them well. It was a good choice, making him laugh before he winced in pain.

"Oh, don't make me laugh damn it, my face is barely holding together as it is." His voice suddenly became sly, almost purring as he mentioned: "Still, some women find facial scars attractive."

"I wouldn't know." Trish had been more accepting of her scars after Akuze than Shepard had been herself, even if the civilian tended to worry over each new one Nikki acquired since then, but Nick had never had any scars on her face before. She wondered if that would make a difference, bringing a hand up to trace one of the faint lines before reminding herself sharply that it couldn't, she'd sworn not to interfere with her partner's happiness so she'd never know. Garrus was watching her closely, he wasn't sure _**what**_ she was thinking about, but he could make an educated guess about _**who**_.

"How _is_ Trish taking all this?" He asked softly but when Nikki didn't respond his eyes narrowed, mandibles flaring in startled realisation: "Wait! You haven't told her?!"

"Leave it Vakarian." The spectre requested, but despite not showing up on his medical tests it seemed he had a hearing problem as he continued pushing.

"Why wouldn't you talk to her? I know people who would kill for a relationship like you had. You two are perfect together."

"It's not like we had a row and stopped talking Garrus. I died. Do you have any idea what she must have gone through?"

"Yes I do, I was there!" That gave her a moment's pause, but she quickly shook her head.

"Then don't make me put her through that again. It's been two years, she's grieved and she's kept on living. I turn up now I'm only going to make things worse."

"So what, you're going to let her think you're still dead? What if she finds out some other way? You really want Trish to find out you're alive from some random news report?"

"Don't be stupid."

"Me stupid? You're the Hero of the Citadel. The first human spectre! Do you honestly think nobody's going to realise you're back Shepard?" Truthfully she hadn't actually thought about that, she didn't have time to dwell on the implications now however as Vakarian demanded: "Don't you at least owe her that much? Do you love her or not?"

"Of course I do!" The N7's eyes blazed with emotion. "But what the hell am I supposed to do Garrus? Just turn up at the house after two years and say: Honey, I'm home?"

"YES!" They stared at each other incredulously before Nikki scoffed.

"Forget it Garrus. She deserves better than me. Someone who won't hurt her."

"Don't you think she deserves to make that choice herself?" The stubborn spectre had had enough, turning to leave.

"Shepard!" There was a clatter as the turian attempted, and failed, to follow. Nikki stopped, seeing him on the floor she softened her voice but didn't go back to help him up.

"Get back to bed Garrus, you don't want to get on Chakwas' bad side."

"Won't you at least think about what I've said?" He pleaded as she stepped towards the door once more. She paused for just a fraction of a second, voice so soft he wasn't sure she meant him to hear as she admitted:

"I think about it every day."


	71. Chapter 71

_Ferris Fields_. Shepard heard the whispers from the crew before she had time to read any official report on the latest planet to be attacked. She'd been there once. A dozy little place, no real strategic importance but a garden world with a quietly thriving colony. She felt sick. She knew now why Anderson had been willing to throw her to Cerberus, to take any chance no matter how slim or disturbing to put an end to this, but that wasn't the only reason for her nausea; Crewman Hadley's brother had been among the missing Ferris Fields colonists. She hadn't even known he had a brother.

She was disgusted with herself. She had an anecdote for each of the twenty men and women who had died with her above Alchera. Could tell you all kinds of facts and random preferences about her old crew on the first Normandy and the various squad mates she'd served with throughout her Alliance career, but she realised she didn't know much about the people on this ship at all... She saw the Cerberus logo and she stopped looking.

For all their supposed racism and bigotry they had accepted a salarian, turian and krogan onto their ship with minimal disruption and yet she wasn't budging an inch on her own prejudices. Of course her hatred of Cerberus was well founded, she could never forget what they'd done, but maybe, just maybe, she could try judging the individuals on their own merits.

It was time to bury the hatchet and, she smiled grimly at the mixed metaphor, where better to start than with the head of the snake.

...

"Lawson, do you have a minute to talk?" The Cerberus operative was surprised to find the commander at her door, the other woman tended to keep as far away from her as possible when they didn't need to work together. Even more surprisingly she sounded almost hesitant.

"Can it wait Commander? I'm in the middle of a report."

"No, it can't." Shepard was suddenly her usual brusque self as she pushed her way into the room and claimed a chair uninvited, then she seemed to deflate slightly, pressing the heel of her hands against her eye lids. "I wanted to... apologise, for the other day. And thank you, for what you did for Garrus." The words sounded forced, almost painful, and Miranda wondered if they were being uttered of Shepard's own free will or if she'd been ordered by the doctor. She was under no illusions that Chakwas was the only one onboard with any influence over the commander. Well, and maybe now Garrus. She wondered how Cerberus Intelligence had managed to miss that crucial detail from Archangel's dossier.

"Apology accepted." Hopefully she could end this conversation quickly and get back to her tasks. Unfortunately she wasn't so lucky, Shepard breathed a sigh of relief and made herself more comfortable in her seat as she smiled:

"So, tell me something about yourself Miranda."

"Really?" The australian raised a perfect eyebrow in disbelief. "Just like that? Why?"

"Because otherwise this..." Shepard gestured between the two of them. "Isn't going to work. We've been butting heads since I woke up and, hard as it is to admit, a large part of that is my fault. I need to be able to see you as a person, an individual, right now... I look at you or hear your voice and all I see is a giant Cerberus logo. I hate Cerberus, I hate the things they've done, I see you and I see Cerberus. Ergo, I hate you. Simple association." It made sense in a way Miranda supposed, although she'd be remiss if she didn't take the opportunity to point out:

"Cerberus isn't as evil as most people believe-"

"Miranda, please..." The spectre held up a hand to stop her, for once using an open palm instead of that annoying freeze fist and for the first time Lawson noticed how tired she looked. EDI had mentioned that there seemed to be no discernible pattern to the commander's sleep cycle. "Don't waste your breath, I've seen the evil carried out in Cerberus's name first hand so why don't we just... agree to disagree." It was more of a compromise than the commander had been willing to give so far so she nodded but she was curious about the change of heart.

"Why now?"

"Ferris Fields... made me realise a few things..." It didn't look like Miranda was getting any more info than that but it didn't mean she'd stop digging.

"Things you couldn't realise on Freedom's Progress?" The commander grimaced in response.

"I'd only just woke up, I had a lot on my mind. In my defence, getting my act together after two colony attacks is still quicker than the Council." _There it was_ , Miranda thought, _the attempt to hide and deflect with humour. Textbook Shepard._ She realised with a start that the commander was right, she'd spent two years learning everything there was to know about Nicola Jane Shepard but the other woman knew nothing about her in return. Only that she worked for Cerberus. Regardless of her own desire (or lack thereof) to talk, any chance to develop a better working relationship with Shepard would be beneficial to the mission.

"Well, you should probably know that I've had extensive genetic modification. Not my choice but I make the most of it." The change it topic was perhaps a little clunky but Shepard seemed to follow the switch seamlessly enough. "It's one of the reasons the Illusive Man handpicked me. I'm very good at just about anything I choose to do."

"And modest too, I like that in a woman." From anyone else Miranda would assume that was a flirt, but she'd studied the commander enough to know that she was completely oblivious to such interpretations.

"It's just a fact. My reflexes, my strength, even my looks, they're all designed to give me an edge. No point in hiding from it."

It was a little unnerving being under Shepard's intense gaze as she told her story, but she refused to let it faze her until the commander suddenly interrupted from nowhere.

"Damn, that's tragic." Miranda frowned, she hadn't thought her last sentence was an overly deplorable part of the tale. "Here I am, struggling to see you as a person, and you don't even see yourself as one. You talk about yourself like you're just a tool, something to be used. By your father or by Cerberus." Miranda didn't think she agreed with that assessment but since this was the longest they'd managed to maintain a civil conversation so far she merely shrugged, not wanting to ruin their progress.

"Maybe. I like to know where I fit in the world. It helps me find meaning in how I was created." Shepard simply scoffed.

"Twenty percent of 'natural' conceptions are unplanned, the rest? For one reason or another somebody decided they wanted a kid. Don't look for a reason behind your existence, simply be, and be the best you can be. You are who you are Miranda. You don't need to make excuses for it."

"That's easy for you to say. We've both been engineered for greatness Shepard, the difference is you were great before we rebuilt you. I'm great because of it."

"That's one thing we got in common then, neither of us asked to be messed around with." The sudden bitterness came from nowhere, but before Miranda could issue a suitably acerbic response Shepard sighed deeply and mimed shooting herself in the head.

"Look, what I'm _failing_ to try and say is, your father may have created you on a genetic level, but DNA is the smallest possible part of who you are. I've seen the best soldiers, top of their class, falter and fail while the weedy little runt stands up and saves the day. It's what's in here and here," she tapped her head and her heart, "that matters. That's what makes a person great and what makes them 'them'. That's something that can't be engineered. It is spirit and personality that makes anyone great. Even you."

"That's... I'm not sure I believe you, but thanks for saying it." Nikki shrugged with a smile, she'd been a lost cause often enough to know when someone wasn't ready to be persuaded by reason.

"Just do me a favour Miranda, next time we land on a civilised planet, take some shore leave. Do something for yourself, something you like. Not because Mr Illusive told you to, or it helps Cerberus, or is good for humanity, but for no other reason than because you want to do it."

"Is that an order Commander?" Shepard smirked as she stood up.

"Kind of defeats the point if I make it one, doesn't it? Enjoy your paperwork Lawson." With that she turned and left, leaving Miranda pondering the strange conversation. It seemed as though the commander believed they had come to some sort of understanding or agreement; the Cerberus operative just had no idea what it might be.

...

Nikki lay back on her bed staring at the ceiling in quiet contemplation. To think she'd spent weeks sleeping on the couch because she couldn't find a button to close the window shutters, when all she had to do was ask the AI for help.

It had been an interesting day. For the first time on her new ship she'd managed a _complete_ walk around, talking with all personnel. Previously she'd only cared about names, job titles and status reports, but today she finally put the extra effort in to interact with them as if they were _her_ crew; people worthy of her time and effort. Maybe she was just imagining it, but already it felt like the atmosphere onboard was better, less oppressive.

Of course there were still a few people she wasn't keen on, their personalities or belief systems clashing, rubbing her the wrong way. (She wasn't sure she believed _anybody_ could truly be as bubbly and naive as that amateur shrink, Chambers) But for the most part the crew were at least tolerable.

It had been surprising how many of them were former Alliance, disaffected by the official protectors of humanity's lack of action. Such as the two engineers: Gabby and Donnelley. They weren't Cerberus hardliners, they'd just served in the Battle of the Citadel, seen the reaper threat first hand and been determined to do their part to stop it. They were easy to talk to and almost before she knew it she'd landed a spot at their poker table.

Goldstein and Hawthorne also took part in the game of skyllian five, moaning about the food onboard as was apparently common for the duo. They had been enthusiastic when Shepard offered to look into getting hold of some better provisions for the ship, cheers turning to groans when she joked that she was sure she could get hold of some surplus Alliance MREs from _somewhere_.

Even the hypothetical MREs weren't as salty as the language from Zaeed as he lost another 200 credits however, Nikki remaining completely unperturbed by his threats as she scooped up her winnings. She did make a mental note to visit his hideaway in the lower decks in the future though; his stories were highly entertaining even if he had a somewhat obsessive attachment to his retired rifle 'Jessie'.

Kassumi was another individual with a multitude of tall tales to tell, although she hadn't been interested in game night. Miss Goto was one of the few people onboard that Shepard had talked to before her recent self-revelation that she was a dick, and they were currently enroute to Bekenstein to take care of a personal matter for the thief. Retrieving the greybox of her former partner.

At first the commander thought Kassumi merely meant 'partner in crime' but it was quickly evident even to her that Keiji had been a partner in life and love as well. A shroud of melancholic solitude descended around the woman whenever she talked about him and her living space was littered with little mementos.

Unbidden, Nikki found herself remembering a conversation with the thief earlier in the day: _"It might be out of turn for me to say this Shep, but don't squander your second chance. I would give anything,_ _ **do**_ _anything, just to see Keiji one more time."_

She hadn't lied when she told Garrus she thought about Trish every day. As his words joined Kassumi's and all the arguments already clamouring around her brain, she felt her resolve falter. For weeks now she'd been struggling between her desire to see Trish again, to speak to her, and the conviction that she'd only hurt her wife more in the long run if she did so. She couldn't help think of herself as a hypocrite. She'd never _wanted_ to die, but in her line of work sometimes you ended up thinking about the possibility, and she'd always hoped that should the worst happen, her partner would find a way to move on, to be happy. She'd just never expected to have to come back and deal with the repercussions. Jealousy and guilt were merely the strongest feelings in a tumultuous cocktail of emotion.

She sighed deeply as she projected an image of the galaxy map onto the ceiling above her. It wasn't that far between the Serpent Nebula and the Arcturus Stream, and the current ETA to Bekenstein was several days before Hock's party. They had time for a quick detour. She just wished she knew what to say.

...

Shepard had imagined this meeting so many times; when she wasn't busy listing all the reasons it was a bad idea that is. Then there had been the debate about whether to just turn up uninvited or get in touch via email first. Both had drawbacks and when Chakwas had offered to talk to Trish first to prepare the way it had seemed like a good solution. More personal than an email, less shocking than a dead woman turning up unannounced in the hall. Plus, as a medical professional, the doc would be able to deal with any side effects the announcement might cause.

So here she was, standing at their designated meeting spot, every possible reaction to her revival running through her head, from joy to anger to indifference, there was even a chance that Trish would refuse to meet her entirely. The faint purr of a mark four eezo engine interrupted her thoughts and she turned, heart pounding, as a skycar landed nearby, doors quickly opening.

For a brief moment their eyes met, but Nikki had no time to try and analyse the emotions on the other woman's face, her attention caught by a sharp, loud bark seconds before she was knocked over by a high speed ball of fluff.

There was nothing she could do to defend herself from the twin assault of tongue and tail as an excited Judy jumped and danced around her with a range of whines and yips torn from the canine's throat. Burying her head in the wriggling fur, Nikki couldn't hold back the tears and laughter that erupted from her in equal measure as she fought to get both herself and the dog under some semblance of control.

Trish pretended not to notice as Nick attempted to discreetly wipe her eyes before standing up from the still rather overexcited dog. For a moment the two humans just stood there, staring at each other, neither knowing what to say.

"So, uh... hi." The spectre awkwardly broke the stalemate with a hopeless shrug. Forgetting all the various greetings she had mentally rehearsed over the past few days. In fairness any potential words seemed inadequate now, but surely she could have come up with _something_ better than that.

"Nikki..." Trish practically exhaled the name rather than say it aloud as she took a step forwards, eyes roaming analytically over the soldier's face. She looked exactly the same as the last time she saw her, except the aura of cockiness had been replaced by uncertainty. That and the faint glowing lines that looked like they'd come out of a sci-fi vid.

"Sorry about the zombie scars." Nikki joked when she realised what had caught her partner's attention, but Trish didn't even seem to hear the words. Too overwhelmed by the sight in front of her for her brain to be able to process input from any of her other senses.

It was one thing to be told about Nikki being alive, but quite another to actually see her again in the flesh.

"Is it really you?"

"The hard questions first huh?"

"Oh come here you." Trish stepped forward, embracing her wife in a hug, Nikki returning it without hesitation. "I missed you."

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." She instinctively tightened the grip, never wanting to let go as she clung to her rock, her anchor. Finally Trish pulled away, just enough to look at the younger woman's face. She reached one hand up to wipe away the water running down Nicola's cheek.

"Your eyeballs are sweating." She informed her softly.

"No they're not, I'm bloody crying." The soldier sniffed with a smile, Trish's lips curling up too as Nikki mirrored her actions, wiping away the elder's tears.

"Any moment now I'm going to wake up." She couldn't help but voice her fear.

"You're not dreaming Trish."

"That's what you said last time." Nikki didn't have a response to that, the knowledge her widow still dreamt of her. Then with a flash of inspiration she held up a hand, bringing it in slowly and pinching her partner on the nose.

"You did that last time too." Trish chuckled and Nikki rolled her eyes, dream her was not making this easy for herself.

"And? What then?"

"I woke up." The civilian admitted, glancing back up at the still present Nikki with a glimmer of hope. Her eyes caught once more on the faint glowing scars, she'd never dreamt of those before, and her hand moved of its own volition to trace the lines. A faint contraction around the eyes suggested Nikki wasn't entirely comfortable with the situation, although she didn't protest. Seeing it Trish quickly dropped her hand back down. "How long have you..." She paused, uncertain of her wording before settling on: "-been back?"

"Uh, probably close to two months. Give or take."

"And you didn't come see me sooner? Send me a message or something?"

"I... I didn't know how... and I didn't want to make things awkward between you and Melissa."

"Melissa? How do you kn-..." Trish trailed off, how didn't really matter in the long run. A feeling of guilt rose in her chest but she couldn't work out which woman it was for. She'd been so caught up in the impossibility of the situation that she hadn't had time to think about how this would affect other areas of her life. "Shit Nick, why'd you have to make things so complicated?"

"Sorry."

"Damn it Nick, you died! What was I supposed to do?" The soldier just stood there, offering no accusation and no defense while Trish vented. When she was done it was a very demure Shepard who inquired:

"Do you love her?"

"I... She makes me happy. If someone asked me yesterday I'd probably have said yes but now? I don't know... I think so..." Nikki nodded resignedly, swallowing the fist sized lump in her throat.

"I'm sorry Trish, I'm sorry for everything I put you through and... I shouldn't have come back, I don't know what I was thinking, I'll just... I should go."

"Please don't Nick. Don't be all noble and self-sacrificing about this, that's not what I want."

"What _do_ you want?"

"I don't know. I... This is all so much to take in. I need time to process everything."

"Ok, I can give you all the time you need."

"It's just... you were dead! I'm still not sure I can believe it's really you. I want it to be, I really do, but there's this little voice at the back of my head insisting it's not possible, that you're an impostor or a clone or something."

"You could always ask me some questions only I'd know to make sure." Despite the confusion in her head and the ache in her chest Trish found her lips twitching mischievously at that.

"Oh? Ok... What's your favourite type of cake?"

"Oh come on, that's impossible! Am I allowed to narrow it down to a Top Five? No, wait! Eight. What day of the week is it?" Trish descended into giggles at that, Nikki following her over the edge, their fingers entwining as they held hands. Nick pulled herself together first. "Come on, this will only work if you ask questions that have an actual answer. I don't want to go back to work and you start doubting again as soon as I'm gone."

Trish's mirth vanished, a serious look overcoming her as she nervously bit her lip. Her grip on Nick's hand changed from playful to supportive, Nikki noticed the change in atmosphere and tilted her head towards hers, silent curiosity reflected in her eyes. Trish swallowed thickly as she stared into those deep brown orbs.

She already hated herself for bringing this up, it was cruel, but it was the only thing she could think of right now. Something only her immediate family would know. Something an impostor couldn't just look up on the extranet.

"What... What was the name of our first child?" Pain flashed in the spectre's gaze, her grip unconsciously tightening as the familiar feelings of loss, grief and longing that always accompanied the topic of Trish's miscarriage swept through her.

"Thomas." Her voice broke slightly. "His name was Thomas." Trish's thumb rubbed patterns on the back of her hand as the soldier took a shaky breath to recompose herself.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's okay." Nikki assured, "I did tell you to make sure."

"Yeah but I could have asked something else."

"It's ok, honest." Nikki raised her other hand to comfortingly trace Trish's cheek with her own thumb, earning a soft smile that she returned. All of a sudden the spectre's face dropped into a frown of confusion. "Hang on... you said _**first**_ child." Trish mentally slapped herself for the slip. This wasn't how she'd envisioned telling her wife.

"Yeah I did."

"As in like... we had more than one?" Trish nodded, struggling to contain an eye roll, she could practically _see_ the gears turning in Nikki's head and god were they slow. "Did you... you went ahead with it?"

"Yes I did." She watched closely, trying to work out the N7's emotions, but so far it seemed her brain was still too busy trying to process facts to waste time on feelings.

"And it worked? I mean..." Trish simply nodded. "What..."

"A boy." Trish figured she best help out or they'd never get through the conversation. She wasn't prepared for her partner's legs to give way however, the soldier collapsing to a sitting position on the ground. "Nikki! Are you ok?" Trish quickly crouched beside her in concern.

"I have a son?" Her gaze was vacant, disbelieving as she stared straight through Trish who grasped her hands once more.

"Yes. We have a son."

"I have a son." She looked up, an intensity shining in her eyes. "What's he look like? How old is he? What's his birthday? What's his name?" She rattled off questions faster than a salarian on caffeine and probably wouldn't have stopped if Trish hadn't placed a gentle finger on her lips.

"Well, he's got your eyes and your nose and... actually, I think he's got Ben's Y chromosome and your everything else." Nick smiled at that, a sense of pure wonder on her face as she stared at the mother of her child in rapt attention. "He was born on March 21st 2184 and his name is Nicky."

"Well that's going to get confusing." The spectre scoffed. "How are we going to know which one of us you're yelling at?" Trish smiled.

"When I named him I never expected that to be a problem. I didn't think you and Nicholas would ever be in the same room."

"Sorry." Some of the joy faded from Nicola's face, her head dropping but Trish gently lifted it back up.

"Hey, none of that. We can't change the past, only the future. Do you... Do you want to meet him?"

"Can I?" She asked hopefully.

"No, I was only offering so I could dash your dreams." Trish teased pushing her wife's shoulder. "Of course you can."

"What about Melissa?" The question was hesitant and Trish felt another pang of guilt pierce her heart.

"She's visiting her sister. Won't be back until Wednesday." Nikki nodded, her head and chest a mess as she bounced between thoughts and emotions. She still wasn't entirely sure where things stood with Trish but one thing was certain: She had a son.

...

 **Author's note:** Phew, here at last! Hope I did the scene justice, let me know what you think. I was half tempted to split this into two chapters, it felt slightly more natural but I figured you'd been waiting long enough.

Speaking of waiting, I probably won't be able to do any writing next week so there's likely to be a delay before the next update, however when it comes Nikki will get to meet her mini-me.

Thanks for reading and hope you're all still enjoying.


	72. Chapter 72

_I have a son._ The thought still seemed a little surreal as Nikki sat in the passenger seat of the skycar. Even though she'd completed her side of the baby making process, somehow she'd never really considered the possibility, and now she had a flood of emotions battling for dominance inside her. Joy and fear appeared to be the strongest, although neither seemed quite able to conquer the other.

Joy's constant mantra of 'I have a son', up against a barrage of questions from fear: _What if he doesn't like me? What if I do something wrong? What if I make him a target? What if I drop him?_ Of course she'd held a baby before but that was years ago and it had been Kevin. It hadn't mattered if she'd dropped her younger brother, she'd had plenty of brothers, but this was her son. There was only one of him and he was important. The most important person in the world... _Except maybe Trish... Ok, that was tricky... Most important_ _ **boy**_ _in the world. There, sorted_.

She glanced at Trish out the corner of her eye and saw a slight smile on the driver's face. Nick suddenly realised her knee was bouncing with nervous energy and slammed her heel to the floor to stop it, Trish's lips twitched in amusement and the spectre didn't even notice when her hand reached up to rub her eyebrow.

She did however notice the changing scenery below, the familiar sight of home. _Was she even allowed to call it that anymore?_ She forced the doubts out her mind as they landed, Judy wandering off to check the garden hadn't changed in her brief absence while Trish led Nikki through a new gate into next door's yard.

"Mama!" Nicola's breath caught at the sight of the miniature carbon copy of herself waddling unsteadily towards Trish. Part of her wanted to rush forward before he fell and hurt himself but none of the other adults present seemed concerned so she simply watched in amazement as he reached his target, gesturing to be picked up. Trish was more than happy to comply, but the commander missed what she said as her attention was pulled away by the sound of a disbelieving: 'Nikki?!' and she turned with a grin towards her neighbour.

"Hi Ben. How's things?"

"You? You-" The smirk was quickly wiped off Shepard's face as a punch connected with her jaw, her own fist instinctively clenching in response and she only just managed to prevent herself from swinging back in retaliation.

"What the **fuck** was that for-... Ow!" Her angry glare turned to a look of betrayal as Trish slapped her lightly on the arm.

"Language." She admonished and that was enough to get the soldier's attention back to their reason for being here, gaze instantly softening as it landed on the child now being returned to the ground and Shepard quickly crouched down to his level. "Nicky, this is Nick. She's your... Opie." Nicola heard the moment's hesitation before Trish used the title they'd talked about so long ago, and was instantly bombarded with more questions. _Did she even tell him about me before? Maybe she used a different word for me in the past and is only using opie to make me happy now I'm back? What if they called Melissa opie? I hope not. I wonder if she has a title? She better not have been using mine._

"Hi there little man." Nikki was privately pleased that she managed coherent words but her namesake simply blinked owlishly at her. _Now what? Should I wave? Pick him up? Hug? Shake hands. No, my whole hand's too big, finger?_

Before she could make up her mind, the toddler broke away from the assorted humans with a cheerful cry of: 'Ju-ey!' Flinging himself around his four legged friend's neck as the dog finally decided to join them. Trish gave an apologetic look to the spectre, Nikki offering a sad but understanding smile in reply.

 _Well, Jude_ _ **is**_ _more interesting than me, I don't have a tail to play with. Although... Sometimes on missions it_ _ **feels**_ _like I'm chasing my own tail._

...

"Unca Ben, towy!" The miniature brown eyed terror demanded, pushing against his victim's leg. Their friend and neighbour had calmed down and apologised after Trish explained that Nikki really didn't have a choice in the 'staying out of contact for two years and putting everyone through hell by letting them think she's dead' department. Nicola wasn't entirely sure if Trish had told him the truth or made an excuse up, she'd been far more interested in watching her son play than listening to the conversation. Now the tiny tot was bored of his toys.

"Sorry Little Nicky, I've got to go. Why don't you ask your opie for a story." After a bit more prodding, Nicholas sensed he wasn't going to get Ben to change his mind and shambled off.

"Mama, towy!"

"Why don't you ask your opie, I'm sure she'll read you a story." Trish repeated Ben's suggestion despite clearly wanting to read to him herself, this time pointing Nikki out to avoid confusion. The commander held her breath as puppy dog eyes turned to stare at her, seemingly getting larger and larger as he toddled toward her.

"Towy!"

"Sure. What towy- _**story**_ , would you like?"

Five minutes later Nicola found herself sat with babe in lap, datapad in hand, working her way through a veritable zoo of animal noises. She was doing well until her impersonation of a pyjak was met with a devastated: "No! Pie-ack!"

"It **is** a pyjak! Listen." She was pretty certain Nicholas had never seen a pyjak in real life. She was also certain she knew what noise they made. She must have chased hundreds of the damn things on Eletania in search of the missing data module from that downed probe for Hackett (She _may_ have left a few details off her after action report on that mission. No one needed to know she'd been given that long a runaround by frigging space monkeys).

Unfortunately her imitation still wasn't Nicky approved even when she tried a few different variations, all meeting with the same criticism until Trish came to investigate the disturbance and taught her the 'correct' _(sounds nothing like a sodding pyjak)_ noise to use. After that Trish stuck around to help with a few of the more complicated sounds.

"Come on Nick, now you're just being awkward. _**Everybody**_ knows dogs go 'woof'."

"Really? When was the last time you heard Judy say 'woof'? She doesn't. It's more like a 'ra ra roo' sound."

"Wa wa woo!" Nicholas did his best to copy, bringing a smile to both parents' faces and a mischievous twinkle to the N7's eyes.

"See, he gets it." Nikki declared, kissing the top of his head and flicking the datapad to the next page as she continued reading. By the time she finished the story Nicky was fast asleep, Trish helping to get him in bed without reawakening.

"Thanks for letting me see him." The awkward uncertainness was suddenly back as they stood in the hallway between rooms.

"Anytime. No matter what happens he's still your son Nick."

"Yeah... Not exactly like I can have him alternate weekends though." The spectre sighed deeply, running a hand through her short black hair, casting a last longing look at the door. "I should go."

"You don't have to." Trish offered and Nikki paused, brown eyes analytically searching their blue counterparts for clues.

"I'm not sure me staying's a good idea Trish." She wanted to, heaven knows she'd love to stay. Unfortunately if the position was reversed and she was Melissa, she'd be suspicious if she found out about an ex sleeping over. The thought of someone else with her wife hurt like hell but she wanted Trish to be happy, and the smiling photos around the house proved that if nothing else, Melissa was capable of that. She didn't want Trish to risk ruining that relationship without at least having time to think about what she really wanted. Besides, what kind of future could there be with a zombie on a suicide mission?

"I'm sure Nicky would love to spend some more time with you tomorrow..." There it was, one of her Top Ten original fears about becoming a parent; that someone would use her son against her. She'd just never expected it to be her wife. Nikki felt her resolve crumble as she thought about the little guy in the next room.

"Alright." Someone had to teach him more realistic animal noises after all.

...

 _The stars stretched out above her, a quiet beauty that made one marvel at the splendour of the universe, while at the same time reminding one of how tiny and insignificant they were in the grand scheme of the cosmos._

 _The silence was deafening after the noise inside the cockpit. The only sound her own laboured breathing and the faint hiss of escaping gas. Her arms flailed, delusions of serenity forgotten as she desperately tried to find the source of the suit breach to no avail._

 _She'd swear the frozen white planet with random contour lines of red was getting bigger, but at the same time she doubted it. It was probably just psychological. Even with the planet's gravity well she doubted she'd be moving quickly enough to be able to notice significant changes of scale in the amount of time she had left to her._

 _She struggled. Desperately trying to find a solution, any way to cling on to life, to see her wife once more, but deep down she knew it was hopeless. There was no way out of this, no insanely clever plan or miraculous lucky coincidence was going to save her. No script writer's hasty deus ex machina waiting for the opportune moment to reveal itself. No, when the oxygen ran out that would be it. The bright spark of her life snuffed out. Just like the brief fireballs that had exploded silently from the Normandy, quickly vanishing as the last oxygen from the ship's life support systems burnt out and the vacuum starved the hungry flames into non-existence. Inside her armour a half melted ice cube pressed against a rib, the sudden cold sensation forcing her to gasp-..._

"Jude, No!" Trish hissed with quiet urgency from the doorway, but she was too late, the whining canine pressed her nose against the fitfully slumbering soldier's ribs and Nikki sat up with a gasp. Unseeing eyes flitted wildly around the room, her breathing ragged and uneven and Trish jumped into action.

"Nick look at me. It's alright, I'm here, you're safe at home." Haunted eyes snapped onto her as she cautiously approached the couch, the proffered hand grasped like a lifeline. "Focus on me, you're ok."

The process of grounding herself had become almost second nature to Shepard over the years and she automatically started working through the five senses, focusing on a detail from each of them as she struggled to control her breathing. Sound: the quiet background hum of electricals and Trish's soothing voice. Touch: the softness of Trish's hand in hers. Sight: Those intense blue eyes staring at her in concern. Smell: the faint aroma of coconut shampoo. Taste: Trish's lips as she-

"Shit, sorry!" Nikki pulled back as clarity returned with the force of a bulldozer, a new type of panic racing through her.

"Shh, it's ok." Trish soothed, one hand reaching up to the soldier's cheek in gentle caress and Nikki allowed herself to get lost in the rekindled kiss. It was a slightly calmer Shepard that finally surfaced.

"Did I wake you?" Trish shook her head at the soldier's question,

"I was getting some water." She wasn't sure why they were whispering but she maintained the trend as she asked: "Was it Akuze again?"

It was Nikki's turn to shake her head as she answered without thinking: "No, Alchera."

"Al... You remember _that_!?" The civilian's voice was horrified, chest aching at the thought and Nikki winced as her brain caught up to her admission. It was too late to take it back now.

"Not all of it, but yeah... enough." Trish pulled the younger woman into a hug on the couch.

"I think you need to stay away from planets beginning with the letter A." It took a moment for Nikki to make the connection, then she gave a dark laugh. Trish kind of had a point. After all she'd lost her squad on Akuze, her toe on Antibaar and her life above Alchera, superstitions had developed over far less.

"Maybe. It's not like the rest of the galactic alphabet is all sunshine and roses though." Trish scoffed slightly as she leant her head against the soldier's shoulder, snuggling in close. The contact helped sooth the pain in her heart but only briefly, guilt welling up to take its place as her eyes landed on a photo of her and Melissa.

"Why'd I have to love you both?" She didn't realise the thought had escaped as a faint, barely audible whisper until Nikki shifted slightly to get a better look at her.

"You ok?"

"I don't know what to do Nick. Where are we supposed to go from here?"

"I don't know." The spectre ran her fingers comfortingly through golden brown hair before gently pulling away. "Perhaps you should start with getting that glass of water."

Trish arched a questioning eyebrow: "How's that supposed to help?"

Nikki shrugged, smirking slightly as she offered: "It'll keep you hydrated at least."

"Git."

"Yeah but I'm-..." _your git._ She quickly trailed off before she could finish her traditional reply. It wasn't quick enough though, she caught the flash of recognition and hint of pain that passed through blue irises in response to the words, both those said and those not.

"I don't have any of your teas, do you want some cocoa?" Apparently Trish was willing to pretend it never happened so Nikki nodded, the older woman standing to make her way to the kitchen. Nick's eyes lingered on the retreating figure, her mind supplying her with much nicer memories than her recent nightmare until she forced it back to the present. Trish wasn't hers anymore, no matter how much it hurt she needed to remember that.

She was debating whether to wait on the couch or follow her heart's desire to the kitchen when she heard a noise from upstairs. A quick mental calculation of how much Lazarus upgraded her hearing and the extra distance between the lounge and the kitchen suggested Trish probably hadn't heard and another brief internal argument had her heading for the stairs.

Her son was awake. By the look and sound of things he did not seem too impressed about that fact. Standing in the doorway Nikki suddenly realised she was woefully unprepared to deal with this. She didn't know why he was crying, she didn't know how to fix it and surely her best course of action would be to find a more qualified adult.

She took a step back. He looked up. Their eyes met, he made 'pick me up' gestures and Nikki knew she couldn't let him think she was abandoning him. She took a step forward. Then another. In seconds she was by the cot and lifting him out. He was still crying. She still had no idea what to do.

"Shh, shh, it's alright Little Nicky." She bounced him experimentally a couple of times before her mouth decided all of its own accord that it was going to try singing, the words coming out as a soft croon: "Hey Nicky you so fine, you so fine you blow my mind, hey Nicky. Hey Nicky." The wide eyed baby chortled. Nick Senior smiled. Junior burst back into tears. Nicola's smile vanished.

"No, no, no, don't do that mini-me. I don't know what you want." Nicholas didn't have the vocabulary to express his wishes just yet but he had other ways of communicating. As he attempted to grab and grope her breasts through her shirt Nikki finally cottoned on. Grin reappearing as she realised her son was a true Shepard and had the stomach to prove it.

"Nice logic little guy but it doesn't quite work like that. Come on, let's find-..." She trailed off as she turned and found Trish watching them from the doorway. Highly aware of the still bawling babe at her hip, she instantly went on the defensive. "It's not... I wasn't..."

The civilian merely rolled her eyes as she stepped into the room, holding out the promised cup of cocoa. "It's fine, I'll swap you."

They carefully transferred Nicky between them but despite her best intentions, the private promises to step aside for the sake of her family's happiness, the commander couldn't help but be hit by a tide of emotions, a surge of love and desire as she watched Trish breastfeeding their son.

* * *

 **Author's note:** Huge apologies for the delay in this one guys, wasn't expecting it to take quite that long. In case of any confusion, when both generations of Shepard are present then 'Nick' is used to refer to the elder Nikki (Commander Nicola Shepard) or used in plural form to signify both of them eg 'the two Nicks' or 'both Nicks'. Their son will be referred to as Nicky or Nicholas or various pet names.

As for Nikki's title, Opie (O.P - Other Parent) it is pronounced Oh-Pee not Oh-Pie because otherwise Nikki would forever be getting distracted at the thought of food.

That's it for now and hope you're still enjoying. I promise not to drag this out too long before a resolution. (Number of chapters wise, no promises regarding frequency of updates I'm afraid)


	73. Chapter 73

Trish woke gradually, snuggling deeper into the duvet as she noticed her return to consciousness and desperately hoping she wouldn't disturb her memories of last night's dream. She'd dreamt of Nikki again. Even after all this time that was no rare thing. Sometimes it was memories, other times fantasies. Last night definitely belonged in the fantastical category. Sure it had seemed so lifelike, but that was also nothing new, and the content itself was so preposterous that it couldn't possibly be real; Nikki resurrected by and temporarily allied with Cerberus of all people, and then taking time out from a new mission of galaxy saving proportions to casually read animal noises to their son.

As if mentally summoned, there was a notification from the omni-tool on her bedside cabinet as the baby monitoring VI informed her that Little Nicky was awake. He wasn't crying thankfully, but she knew she'd have to get up if she wanted to keep it that way. Being a mother was both rewarding and demanding.

Dragging herself out of bed, she crossed the hallway into the room directly opposite, lips morphing unconsciously into a smile as they landed on an increasingly common sight. Whereas in the past Nicky had been content to stand, clutching the bars of his cot and watching the door for her arrival, recently she'd instead find him studying his night time prison far too analytically for her liking. Not for the first time Trish wondered how long she had left before he was making escape attempts, 'not very' she suspected, especially considering his genetic heritage.

Her eyes flicked to the photo of Nikki on the table outside the cot. There weren't many of them left on display in the house, accidentally glancing at them had a nasty habit of making her an emotional wreck, so they had been resigned to specific locations, places where she could _choose_ to look and remember her lost love instead of being ambushed by feelings. There was never any doubt about Nicky's room having one though, she wanted him to know where he came from and it was comforting in a way to imagine her wife watching over him.

A frown creased Trish's face as she noticed a cup beside the photo frame, she never drank in this room. With a start she remembered getting Nikki a cocoa in her 'dream', _surely not?_ She mentally performed a quick rewind of everything that happened and had to conclude that, as unbelievable as events seemed, it probably wasn't a dream. There wasn't any unexplainable jump cuts for starters, when she appeared in a room it was always because she walked there, when they went home after first meeting Nikki they used the skycar.

Then there was the fact her previous dreams tended to revolve around the idea that Nick hadn't actually died, or else they just glossed over it without any explanation of how she was there. Never before had Doctor Chakwas arrived first, explaining that the science checked out and it really was Commander Shepard reborn.

Never before had her imagination included those faintly glowing cybernetic scars. Scars that had her partner instinctively flinching at her light, curious touch; yet holding deliberately and patiently still when Little Nicky prodded at them. Assuring her 'it's fine, let him be' when Trish tried to make him stop, despite the obvious unease and discomfort on display.

"Mama?" A soft voice interrupted her thoughts. Sometimes she swore that kid had psychic powers. There was an old Earth saying 'speak of the devil and he will appear', with Little Nicky it often felt like you only had to think of him. Lifting him up, she started their morning routine, even as her mind drifted back to the two Nicks' interaction the day before. Dream Nikki had always been the perfect parent on the rare occasions Nicky Junior was present, yesterday's Nikki had been cautiously competent, nervous about every new activity but a rather rapid learner.

As she carried Junior downstairs Trish could feel her heart rate quicken in anticipation of what they'd find. The moment of truth. Disappointment struck deep in her chest as she stuck her head into the living room and found it empty, not even a blanket on the couch, only to be chased away by a flicker of hope at the smell of toast. Entering the kitchen she discovered a familiar sight, Nikki sat at the table with her omni tool off her wrist, propped up against the cereal box so she could read it. A bowl in front of her, spoon in her right hand and a slice of toast in her left. She was happily powering through the cereal but every time she'd need to scroll down on her omni tool the spoon would briefly be deposited in the bowl and she'd take a bite of toast instead. Trish huffed a quiet laugh, causing the spectre to look questioningly over at her.

"Now I know you're not an impostor."

"How's that?"

"Because you're using a little spoon for cereal!" They shared a chuckle before Trish's brain caught up with the sight in front of her. "Hang on! How did you make toast?"

"Ah, yes, about that. I have no problem with whatever happened to my N7 cup, or the fact my mako's no longer in the garage, or all the other little changes... but how can you not have a toaster any more?" Trish felt a stab of guilt as she thought of all the things she'd got rid off because they hurt too much to look at, only to shake it off when she realised there was no accusation in the commander's voice.

"I don't use it." She shrugged. "You didn't answer my question."

"Well... I just thought 'what is toast but bread exposed to a heat source?' Then I thought 'my omni-tool can generate heat' and then-"

"You incinerated the bread?" Trish interrupted with an eyebrow raised.

"No!" Nikki protested vehemently before fading off into a mutter: "I grilled it with my omni-blade."

The civilian burst into laughter, her next words escaping before her brain even had time to process them: "God, I love you." The spectre's mouth turned up into a small smile.

"Love you too Trish." The response was instant, Trish's eyes dropping down as she swallowed thickly. Nikki could practically feel the guilt radiating from her and with a sigh she caught hold of the other woman's hand. "Hey, look... I know this whole situation's pretty fu-" Her eyes flicked to her son sat expectantly in a high chair. "...complicated right now. Yesterday I promised to give you time to think things through and I will, but I love you Trish, I'm not going to apologise for that. Whatever happens I just want you to be happy. In an ideal world I want that to be with me, but if it's not... then that's ok too." A range of emotions flicked across the older woman's face as she gave a squeeze of their connected hands in lieu of the words she could not form.

"Mama!" The moment was broken by a plastic spoon being hit against the table, both of them turning to face their son who was one step short of having a meltdown at the prospect of having to wait any longer for breakfast.

"Someone takes after their opie." Nikki observed, forcing a soft laugh from Trish.

"Yeah..." She placed a bowl in front of the eager tot before deciding to jokingly add: "And since you've just admitted it's your fault, you can clean up the mess he makes!"

...

"Here, I want you to have this." Trish declared as she joined the two Nicks in the garden where they were waiting for the commander's transport back to the Normandy. She pressed the perfectly folded and highly treasured N7 hoody into Nikki's hands, watching as subtle hints of hidden emotions crossed her face.

"Thanks." Shepard's thumb traced over the embroidered logo. It wasn't just a favoured item of clothing but a reminder of who she was and what she'd achieved.

"And this..." Trish offered out a datapad with one hand, the corner of Nikki's eyes creasing inquisitively as she accepted it. Turning it on revealed a picture of a tiny face sticking out a bundle of blankets, Nicola gasped as she realised she was looking at her son as a newborn, the user interface informing her it was file 1 of 100. "I put it together while you were making lunch."

"Thank you." Unshed tears swam at the bottom of the spectre's eyes but she was far from sad. "I... thank you." Trish simply nodded in understanding, her attention soon caught by a growing shape in the sky. They fell into an uneasy silence, still not entirely sure where the boundaries of their relationship were. It had been a long time since they separated with anything less than a passionate goodbye kiss. For Trish it had been a long time since they'd been together at all.

"Well... I guess this is it." Nikki offered awkwardly as the shuttle started to land. She suddenly found herself pulled into a hug.

"Promise you'll be careful?" Trish whispered into her neck.

"I'll try."

"No more dying."

"Once was enough." She agreed, filled with a nearly overwhelming desire to kiss the civilian. Somehow she managed to contain herself to a gentle brush of the lips to the back of Trish's hand before crouching down to face her son. "I've got to go Nicky, you be good for your mum yeah?"

"No." Came back the instant, petulant response.

"Hmm, I think the word you want is pronounced 'yes'. Are you going to be good for mummy?" Nikki tried again but Nicholas merely shook his head as he repeated his previous answer. "Why do children always learn no before they learn yes?" The commander lamented as Trish chuckled.

"I've no idea."

A quick kiss and tight hug of her son later, Nikki passed the toddler over to his mother, heading quickly to the shuttle before she could do anything stupid. She paused briefly at the door to allow one last chance for Trish to give an overly dramatic, vid-worthy declaration of love but the moment passed, they'd already said everything that needed to be said, now all she could do was wait for Trish to make a decision.

Pulling herself into the empty squad compartment, she gave the order to the pilot for lift off, waving to her family until they were out of sight. She spent the rest of the short journey sifting through her emotions and trying to compartmentalize them, pulling on her metaphorical armour. The Normandy crew were expecting the legendary Commander Shepard and Commander Shepard had a job to do.

...

 **Author's note:**

I feel like I spend every author's note apologising for the delay these days, sorry again about that. It's been so hot over here my brain's been struggling to put sentences together even at work where I know roughly what I'm supposed to be saying, creating brand new ones from scratch is even harder. Hopefully I managed to piece together something half decent and this hasn't come across as deranged, incomprehensible mutterings of a heat addled mind. In good news it was actually cooler yesterday so fingers crossed it will drop to a temperature my brain can consistently work at soon.

Next chapter: Shepard goes to Bekenstein, Melissa returns home and Trish has some thinking to do.


	74. Bekenstein

**Author's note:** It never made much sense to me how Shepard didn't know Kasumi's plan until they were already on their way without armour, so I made a few little changes. Also tried something new (for me at least) with how I've included both Nikki and Trish's vastly different stories in the same chapter. Really interested to know what you think about it: Love it? Loathe it? Kind of like it but think I went over the top? Answers on a postcard, or failing that a handy little review at the end! :)

Anyway enough from me. Enjoy.

* * *

"Lawson, what... why-..." The commander trailed off, struggling to adequately voice her question and instead gesturing hopelessly at the giant gold statue of Saren Arterius, former spectre and deceased nemesis, that was now standing in the middle of her cargo bay. "Two days Lawson, I was only gone for two days... Do I even want to know?"

"Miss Goto brought it aboard." The XO informed her primly and Shepard failed to stifle a groan.

"Please tell me she didn't steal it?"

"Hey!" There was an indignant protest from thin air a split second before Kasumi de-cloaked, shimmering into visibility beside them. "It's part of the plan, for Hock's party."

"Technically that's not a no." Nikki muttered grimly. "I think it's about time I heard this plan, don't you? I'm particularly interested in the bit where we need a Saren statue."

"It's our tribute." The thief explained. "At parties like this it's customary to present the host with a gift when entering."

"In my social circles that's normally either a bottle of booze or some nibbles." Shepard dismissed, earning herself an eye roll from the two women on either side of her.

"You might struggle to hide your weapons and armour in a wine bottle." The spectre cocked an eyebrow at the implication, intently studying the statue for any signs of a secret compartment.

"Ok, I'm listening."

...

Trish half listened to Little Nicky's intermittent and incoherent babble, her son happily chatting away to himself without words as he kept himself entertained in his playpen. The rest of the room was supposedly childproofed, a locked child gate preventing access to other parts of the house and the baby monitoring VI constantly vigilant but she **still** didn't like the idea of him being loose outside the pen if she wasn't able to provide him with her full attention. Not when his current record for causing mayhem while her back was turned was twelve seconds.

And there was no denying that recently her attention had been easily distracted. Her mind wandering off without warning, getting lost in memories of Nicola and ensnared in an unanswerable conundrum of what to do next.

Two years ago it would have been easy. Even just one year ago she'd have jumped unhesitatingly into her commander's arms. Now though? Now things were complicated. Melissa had wormed her way into her life, her heart and her home. She couldn't bare the thought of hurting the other woman. After all she loved Mels _, didn't she?_ A few days ago she'd been certain that she did.

But what about her wife? Their wedding vows had been 'until death do us part' so you could argue that the terms of the contract had been fulfilled. Except they hadn't married as a business arrangement. They had done so because they loved each other, and Trish's love for Nikki hadn't died when the woman had. It had remained. First as a well of sorrow, then over time morphing into a spring of joyful memories. Recent events had caused the waters to overflow, flooding her with emotion and while theoretically she _**could**_ deny her love for Nikki, it would be no more true than declaring 'all elephants are pink'.

Growing up, her mother had always taught her that love was a blessing. Surely then, from a mathematical perspective, shouldn't loving and being loved by two people aught to mean you were doubly blessed? Right now she felt cursed instead. How could she ever hope to choose between them?

Did she love one more than the other? She couldn't seem to rank them on an emotional basis so, as illogical as it seemed, her brain turned towards other methods. She wasn't shallow enough to base her decision on looks, but if she were it wouldn't have helped. Melissa was beautiful and Nikki was gorgeous, sure there were differences but they were equally capable of taking her breath away. Instead she found herself listing the pros and cons of each woman. Nicola was loyal, brave and funny. Melissa caring, patient and dependable.

Of course those traits weren't mutually exclusive, Mels was more than capable of making her laugh while Nikki was caring and patient enough to come up with Op Bubbles all those years ago. Dependable though? That was somewhat harder to answer. Through no fault of her own Nikki wasn't always there.

 _Except,_ Trish realised with a start, _she was_. The soldier was always in her heart and on her mind, even when she'd been dead. The fact remained however that being with Nikki meant long months alone, scheduled vid calls skipped without warning, plans agreed months in advance yet changed in the blink of an eye. Was the short, intense times together worth the long separations and constant worry about her wellbeing? _Yes_.

Could she put herself through all that again? _In a heartbeat._

 _But what about-_

" **Missa!** " Trish was startled from her thoughts by Little Nicky's shout, looking up in time to see her girlfriend navigating the child-gate and entering the room.

"Hello monster, did you miss me?" Melissa asked, picking the toddler up and 'flying' him through the air while making spaceship noises. The sight, combined with Nicky's giggling, brought an instant smile to Trish's face. The SSV Nicholas finally came to land on Planet Sofa and Melissa's teasing grin entered Trish's personal space. "How about you? Did you miss me?"

" 'Ucky!" Nicky interrupted the adults' kiss as soon as it started, pushing his way between them and demanding to be the centre of attention once more. It provided Trish with a reason to pull away, playfully smothering her son with kisses while her partner tickled him, great shrieks of laughter being pulled from the little body as he tried to wriggle away.

The assault was short-lived, Melissa picking the toddler up for another impromptu flying lesson as Trish lay back against the sofa watching the familiar family scene play out before her with a strange sense of dissonance.

Completely unbidden she felt a tiny spark of resentment flicker deep inside her, Nikki had torn her world apart when she died and now, just when Trish thought she was happy and content with life again, the soldier had reappeared, throwing her life into disarray once more. She tried to squash the feeling. Appalled that such callousness lay inside her. It was hardly Nikki's fault, she hadn't asked for any of this. Her heart broke as she remembered the haunted look on the commander's face after her nightmare. Nobody should have to experience such a thing, let alone have to relive it in their dreams.

Of course, Trish couldn't think of that night without thinking about the kiss that came next. It had felt so right, so natural. Only afterwards had the guilt kicked in. Now her over analytical mind couldn't help compare it to the one Little Nicky just interrupted.

"Hey, you ok?" Melissa's concerned query pulled her back out of her thoughts.

"Hmm? Yeah. Sorry, just... got a lot on my mind." Trish plastered on a smile but it couldn't have been too effective judging by the way Mel's eyes creased into a slight frown in response.

"Anything I can help with?" Trish shook her head. "Well, at least I can sort us some food. You always forget to eat when you're thinking too hard."

"Hey! I'm not that bad!" Trish instinctively protested, conveniently forgetting how Nikki used to accuse her of the exact same thing.

...

"No, it really _is_ that bad." Shepard declared resolutely, her arms folded as she stared down her friend. "Garrus you took a rocket to the face."

"I got better."

"Not better enough for Chakwas."

"Since when do you listen to Chakwas?"

"Since whenever it concerns a member of my crew- _**Hey**_... I'm not that bad!" It was the turian's turn to scoff, a faint rumble of amusement in his sub vocals. "Anyway we're getting off topic, I appreciate your concern Garrus, but I don't need sniper support on this mission."

For a moment it looked like he was going to protest but just then the doors slid open to reveal Kasumi and his mandibles clicked shut. He'd question his friend in private, but he wouldn't show discord in front of the crew.

"Looking good Ms Gunn." The thief practically purred as she slunk inside the forward battery. "Hock won't be able to keep his eyes off you."

"Well that could make getting into his vault unseen a little complicated." Shepard deadpanned, Garrus proving he'd spent too much time around humans by rolling his eyes. "I take it the statue's packed and ready to go?"

A silent nod was all the confirmation she needed and she gestured for Kassumi to lead the way back out. She paused in the doorway, calling back over her shoulder:

"Hey, the moment Chakwas clears you for combat you're on my team, but not a second before understand?"

"I-... Yes Commander."

The journey from Milgrom space port to Hock's private estate took about an hour in the sporty little skycar they'd hired for this mission. The time was spent on a final run through of the plan from memory, including various contingency options and Shepard getting into character as Alison Gunn; up-and-coming merc leader and subject of an article in Badass Weekly. Kasumi wasn't entirely sure if pushing the vehicle to max speed was supposed to be part of the cover personality or Shepard's own.

Five minutes out from the mansion Kasumi activated her cloak, there was no way she'd be let in as a guest with what she was wearing and wasn't about to remove her hood. Fortunately as long as she didn't need to divert energy to her shields then the cloak would hold for a good hour. Seemingly alone, Alison Gunn landed and walked up to the entrance, timing it perfectly to coincide with the anti-grav lift that was unloading her tribute.

"Hold a moment ma'am. There seems to be an issue with the statue." The guard's greeting to her was decidedly **not** part of the plan and Shepard forced herself to breath naturally, hoping her cover wasn't about to be blown before she even made it inside.

"Is there something wrong?"

...

"Alright Trish, what've I done wrong?" Melissa asked as her partner came back from putting Nicky to bed.

"What? Nothing!"

"You've been off with me ever since I got back from my sister's." Trish grimaced, she hadn't intended to drive a wedge between them over the last few days, but it wasn't like she could talk about what was bothering her with her girlfriend. She sighed as she realised that was exactly what she was going to have to do.

"It's Nikki." She admitted awkwardly.

"I'm sorry petal," Melissa offered as her brain spun desperately through the calendar, she knew certain dates set her girlfriend off: Shepard's birthday, the anniversary of the Battle of the Citadel, of Akuze, of the Mindoir raid, of their wedding. She couldn't think of any nearby but the woman had been special forces, there could be something classified she didn't know about that had happened x number of years ago and Trish had just remembered. "I know it's hard for you and there's no time limit for grief, but you know you can still talk to me right? You don't have to suffer in silence."

"No." Trish's voice was quiet, almost raspy. "No I mean, it's Nikki... She's alive."

Melissa just gaped, her eyes staring uncomprehendingly for a moment, Trish was beginning to think she'd broken her when she finally managed to speak: "What do you mean she's alive?"

"What does anyone mean by alive? Walking, talking, breathing, eating... she's alive."

"You told me she was dead."

"I thought she was."

"But... there was a funeral and everything."

"I know, I was there."

"That fucking bitch!"

"Mels!"

"How could she put you through that?"

"It's not like Nikki had a choice! She was de- in a coma! She only gained consciousness like a month or two ago."

"Great, just fucking great." Melissa shook her head as disbelief turned to despair. "I guess I best start packing then."

"What! Why?"

"It's obvious how this is going to go Trish."

"Is it?" Trish asked softly, tears stinging her eyes as a corkscrew twisted inside her chest. "It's not obvious to me."

"You'll choose her. Doesn't matter how long we pretend otherwise, sooner or later you'll go back to her, you love her."

"I don't want to hurt you Mels."

"Kinda proves my point." The whiskey eyed woman scoffed bitterly. "No denial. No 'I love you too', just 'you don't want to hurt me'. Well... too late."

"But I _**do**_ love you." Came the belated protest.

 _No you don't,_ Melissa managed to stop herself before the hurtful accusation rang out. Despite her own private agony she couldn't bear to see her girlfriend in distress and couldn't bring herself to twist the dagger in deeper.

"Perhaps," She found herself saying instead. "But it's not the same. You gave Nikki your heart. All of it. And when you thought she died that heart shattered. Bit by bit, one shard at a time, you've trusted me with the pieces, and I've tried so hard to glue them back together, but I knew I'd never get the whole thing. Not like she did. And you know what? I always thought I'd be alright with that. Content with however much you were able to give me. Now though... If she's back... How can I ever compete with that?"

"Mels..."

"No. Just answer me one thing Trish... If I wasn't here, if we weren't together... would there be anything stopping you from going back to her? Any hesitation, even a moment of doubt?" Trish was silent as Melissa seemed to stare straight into her soul, thoughts and emotions tumbling haphazardly through her. "Then there you go."

"I'm sorry Mels."

"You don't have to apologise Trish. It's not like you wanted any of this to happen. I think I hate your wife though." Trish gave a shaky laugh.

"That's alright, sometimes I hate her too."

...

"I hate you so much right now Shepard!" Kassumi's voice called out from under a barrage of enemy fire. She'd had to take shelter behind some crates, invisibility cloak unavailable while she directed all available power into her shields.

"Hey this was _**your**_ plan!"

"You're the tactical genius, you could have made changes!"

"I did, I vetoed the dress!" Their banter was cut off by an explosion, Shepard cursing as she sent an overload arcing towards an advancing YMIR mech, swiftly followed by a grenade.

The early part of the mission had gone off seemingly without a hitch. In fact the hardest part of breaking into the vault had been getting Donovan Hock to _**stop**_ talking after getting a voice sample to help reconstruct the password.

Nikki wasn't quite sure what she was expecting to find inside but what she got was a private art gallery. Statues and sculptures from a wide variety of cultures, each given a plinth and plenty of space around them. While undeniably a large and impressive collection, Shepard was too ignorant of the subject to be suitably awed by what was in front of her, even with Kasumi providing a running commentary on each of the near priceless artefacts they passed and lamenting having to leave them all behind.

She did however recognise the M-12 Kassa Fabrication Locust submachine guns that sat unassumingly next to their objective. Kasumi started hacking her way through the last line of defence on the display cabinet but she must have missed something because the room was suddenly filled with a giant holographic Hock head.

"Don't bother Commander, it's code locked. I had a feeling that was you at the door, so much for your highly publicised death. The Alliance must want that intel back badly if they sent you." The two women shared a disbelieving glance at how far off the mark he was, Nikki almost wanted to laugh, but at that point he reached the part of the monologue where he sent his goons after them and she ducked behind cover.

"I can't believe they're firing in here!" Kasumi squeaked enraged as one of the krogan statues lost an elbow. "This stuff's priceless." Shepard was too busy returning fire to answer, although at least her aim was better. Between Shepard's N7 training and Kasumi's invisibility cloak it didn't take long for them to clear the room despite having been heavily outnumbered at the start.

"Joker, we're heading for extraction point Theta." Shepard comm'd calmly, as she headed East to the nearest landing pad. Kasumi wordlessly claiming both of the Kassa Locusts for herself.

"Copy that Commander, shuttle standing by."

From there on it was a simple matter of moving up between cover, fighting, bantering, rinse and repeat. Simple, but not easy.

Their shields took a constant hammering, several times Shepard's failed completely and she wasn't looking forward to the bruises later. She was however glad she'd spent so long memorising the blueprints as she made her way through various garages, warehouses and loading bays.

Finally she found the alphanumerical wall art she was looking for, AO-181, and was about to inform Joker they were there when he called through instead.

"Theta is hot! Say again, Theta is hot. You've got a Mantis down there Shepard."

"Pull out Joker, I'll take care of it." Shepard stated casually, calmly making sure all her weapons had fresh heat sinks in them. For some reason her cohort seemed much less relaxed.

"Uh, Shep, did I hear right? You want to take on a gunship, just the two of us? No offence but I don't want to end up looking like Garrus."

"Relax Kasumi, I have a cunning plan." Nikki smirked as she about faced, marching over to a darkened corner of the warehouse and running a gauntlet encrusted hand over the sleek black chassis of an M-080 tank.

"Yeah but how are you going to get it through the door?" The thief asked sceptically, garnering a look of sheer disbelief from the commander.

"Miss Goto, you are forgetting two very important things. One, they got it in here didn't they? And two... you don't need a door when you have a mass accelerator cannon!"

"But Mantis gunships have anti surface-to-air counter measures, machine guns, Inferno Precision Kill Rockets!"

"Exactly! You're not seriously telling me you'd rather face all that on foot?" Kasumi stared into her commanding officer's face for a long moment wondering if she was mad. Then she remembered the woman was a spectre, insane plans were pretty much part of the job description. She sighed.

"What do you want me to do?"


	75. Chapter 75

Shepard knew it was only psychological but the return journey from Bekenstein in the Boltzmann system to the Widow system, home of the Citadel and the nearest mass relay, seemed to take a lot longer without a specific mission to focus on and plan. People tended to forget that about space travel; that while the mass relays could transport you half way across the galaxy in the blink of an eye, not all star systems had a relay and travel between different star systems of the same cluster could take weeks, months or sometimes even longer.

Fortunately Professor Solus could use the travel time to study the Collector data acquired on Freedom's Progress and develop a counter measure to utilise against the seeker swarms. Shepard _**hoped**_ that was what he was doing anyway. Last time she'd walked through the labs he'd been distracted with trying to cure Joker's Vrolik syndrome.

Either way at least the salarian had something interesting to occupy his time. Not everyone was so lucky and she found herself sat on the bed in her private cabin surrounded by datapads as she studied the latest dossiers provided to her by Cerberus and tried to plan her next move.

They were a strange mix; mercenaries, criminals, assassins, and then right in the middle of the worst scum imaginable: an asari justicar. Shepard paused at that file, wondering just how insane the Cerberus operative responsible for compiling these dossiers must be. Justicars were rarely seen outside asari space, she knew little about them apart from what could be gleaned from the most likely exaggerated pop culture vids and comics. What she did know however involved a strict code that would demand the asari kill half the other candidates for their past mis-deeds.

While Nikki would love someone a little more moral and honourable on her team than the majority of contenders, it wasn't worth the risk of a massacre, assuming that she could even find the justicar. Her movements since leaving asari space were hardly untraceable, her actions far from discreet, but each new destination seemed completely random, utterly unpredictable. With a sigh Nikki relegated the dossier to the maybe pile, if by some miracle she stumbled upon the asari in the course of her travels then she'd consider it, but she wasn't going to waste time trailing across the galaxy on a wild goose chase looking for her. She'd done enough of that when hunting Saren.

Reaching for the next datapad her attention was caught by the digital photo frame on the bedside table and she picked it up instead, lump forming in her throat as her fingers traced the faces of her wife and child.

If she could even call Trish that anymore.

She hadn't heard from the other woman since their reunion so she still had no idea where they stood.

Shepard longed to reach out and message her but Trish had asked for time to think things through so time was what she'd get. Nikki wouldn't be the first one to break the silence, no matter how tortured and uncertain it left her feeling.

Trish's image vanished as the frame cycled to a new picture, revealing Nicholas sat in the commander's lap as she read her son a 'towy'. It wasn't the greatest photo in the galaxy, but it was the only one of the two of them. She dearly hoped they'd get a chance to rectify that one day.

It was strange to think that she knew next to nothing about him, had only known about his existence for barely two weeks, and yet he already occupied so much of her heart and thoughts. She longed to get to know him better, to be there for him, to watch him grow, to teach him to ride a bike, to pass on the nifty trick her dad had taught her about using your fingers for the nine times table. For every little, insignificant milestone as well as all the big ones.

She also knew she was going to miss most of it. Regardless of how things went with Trish, she was still a spectre. Still had responsibilities and duties beyond her family. No matter how much her heart claimed there was nothing greater. But if she couldn't be there for him, then the least she could do was try to make the galaxy a better place for him.

With another sigh she forced herself to put the photo frame back, refocusing on her current reading material. There weren't any cool animal noises to make but the characters were nearly as diverse as the kiddie's storybook, a fact she found somewhat surprising considering the pro human sentiments of her sponsors.

The drell sounded promising at least. Trained by the hanar primacy in the art of killing from the age of six, the last set of marksmanship scores before he left to go freelance had him surpassing even her and Garrus. That reminded her, the turian still hadn't been cleared for combat. She didn't want to think about it, especially since Garrus was a friend, but the tactical part of her brain knew it was probably a good idea to have another sniper on the team. _Just in case._

So far Krios was certainly the best candidate so she kept reading. Confirmed kill list: tiny. Suspected hit list: massive. Based out of Illium, a mere two relay jumps away from the Citadel. The only negative she could see was a recent diagnosis of Kepral's Syndrome. Cerberus suggested using the promise of a lung transplant as motivation for recruitment (surgery to take place AFTER successful mission completion of course) but Nikki was more concerned with whether or not the disease would progress to the debilitating stage during their journey.

She'd have to talk to Chakwas. Both about the drell and Garrus. For now Krios' file was added to the 'probables'. Nikki even going so far as to add a note with his location to her personal tactical galaxy map for when she was working out efficient flight plans to achieve the most goals as quickly as possible later.

With the next file she didn't even get past the first sentence. [Kai Leng, former N7-] That went straight on the reject pile. Leng was infamous among Villa graduates. It might seem a moot point when she was already working with Cerberus, but she had to draw the line somewhere. It got her thinking though, if N7s weren't (theoretically) out of bounds... what was stopping her from recruiting past acquaintances of her own?

 _Well, the fact N7's rarely chose to leave the service unless they were medically discharged or too old for active duty for starters. Still... nothing said she had to stick to recruits from the Cerberus dossiers._ Maybe she'd ask Anderson if he had any ideas when they landed on the Citadel. The crew needed some shore leave anyway.

...

[Hey, are you free to talk?] Nikki's heart soared upon finally receiving a message from Trish, before abruptly crashing back down as she read it and found the nerves coiling tight in her gut. _Could be ominous, talk about what?_ She pushed the feeling aside as best she could as she typed a hurried: [Can be, give me a couple minutes.]

It took a moment to spot Garrus and Grunt among the crowded market place, quickly hurrying over to them to find the turian giving an impromptu lesson on what the various available weapons mods actually did as they scrolled through a kiosk terminal. She let her squad mates know what she was doing so they wouldn't panic when they realised she had vanished and rapidly moved on, hunting down a nearby alcove where she could hopefully talk in peace and pressing her back firmly against the wall so no-one could sneak up behind her.

"Hey, how you doing?" Shepard asked as soon as the vid call connected, slight smile jumping unconsciously to her face the moment she saw Trish.

"Not too bad. I'm not interrupting anything am I?"

"Nah, just doing some shopping on the Citadel. Garrus needed some new armour and then we got distracted." Nikki dismissed casually. She noticed a slight undercurrent of uncertainty in the other woman but didn't have time to question it.

"Distracted with what?"

"Oh you know... boys and their toys, girls and their guns." It was so easy to fall back into old behaviour patterns and the banter slipped easily off the tongue.

"Nikki! You're not thinking of cheating on me with another weapons manufacturer?" Trish cried in mock outrage.

"Maybe." The spectre singsonged. "Rosenkov's latest version of the Karpov pistol _**does**_ have higher damage output than Kassa's Razer X."

"Oh the sacrilege! You can't even choose someone like Elanus Risk Control, it has to be Rosenkov, our mortal foes."

"Of course not, Elanus can't hold a candle to your products, I'm hardly going to downgrade my gear. Don't worry though, the Polaris is still my one true omni-tool." Trish laughed but Nikki felt her smile fade somewhat as she contemplated her next words. She didn't want to ruin the light heartedness but she had to know. "So... if you're accusing me of cheating, does that mean we're back together now?"

"I... I'm not sure, it's still complicated."

"Right, Melissa..." Nicola sighed despondently, trailing off when Trish shook her head.

"No, it's not that, she... Well, let's just say we aren't together anymore."

"Did she hurt you?" Despite the overriding feeling of sorrow she'd been wallowing in recently, Trish still nearly found herself laughing at Nikki's immediate change in demeanour.

"No more than I hurt her." She assured quickly before poor Melissa woke up to a vengeful spectre at the end of the bed. "Look can we please not talk about her?"

"Well I'm on a space station, I can hardly talk about the weather. You got any suggestions?"

"I believe you wanted to talk about us." Suddenly the commander wasn't so sure about the accuracy of the word 'want', particularly when the other woman continued: "I'm really sorry Nick, I just don't think I can jump back in like nothing happened." The soldier swallowed thickly, eyes darting away. "But... maybe we can start over?"

"What exactly are you suggesting?" Shepard asked, hope and caution filling her in equal measure. "You're talking to a thicko marine remember, might need you to spell it out."

"We start fresh, no expectations. We get to know each other again, see what's changed and where it takes us."

"I've not changed Trish, I've not had time." She exhaled deeply, eyes momentarily closing as she fought her conflicting emotions before forcing a smirk on her face. "But sure, means I get to woo you again right?"

"Woo." The civilian snorted. "Is that what you call it?"

"Yeah." The smile was much more natural now. "Why, what would you call it?"

"Stumbling around blindly with no idea what you're doing and getting lucky sometimes."

"Come on I'm not _that_ bad, am I?"

"You're lucky you're so adorably cute when you're floundering."

"Hey! I'm a big bad spectre, I don't flounder."

"Mhmm." Trish raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

"I'll have you know that I can charm birds from trees." Nikki claimed with a straight face.

"That wasn't charm, it was bribery. They wanted the bread."

"Bribery huh? I can work with that." There was a chuckle but their conversation was interrupted by the sound of gunshots. Trish immediately looked concerned but Nick just forced her head backwards with a frustrated groan. "Seriously!? I'm supposed to be on leave."

"You could always let C-Sec handle it, you don't have to get involved." Trish offered without much hope but the soldier already had a pistol in her hand, a few quick taps of her omni-tool resulting in her being enveloped in the familiar orange glow of tech armour.

"They'll take too long to respond. Besides, twenty credits says my crew's involved somehow. Fifty says that if they're not Garrus is already heading that way to investigate. I'll message you later but I've got to go." She had in fact already been moving but now her hand hovered over the necessary controls to sever the omni-tool's connection.

"Nick... please be careful." The spectre simply shot her what she clearly believed to be a winning smile.

"Aren't I always?" The call ended before Trish had time to respond.

"No, not really." She sighed as the familiar tendrils of worry started worming their way throughout her chest.

...

 **Author's note:** I'm not dead! I would dearly love to say that updates are going to be on some kind of regular schedule now but I wouldn't want to lie. All I can promise is that I definitely won't be abandoning this story. In fact I already have a short scene involving Nicholas written that will be taking place during ME3. Those reviewers who thought he was going to be a handful when he grows up... Oh yes!


	76. Chapter 76

[I'm fine. You owe me thirty credits.] Trish breathed a sigh of relief at the message but finished loading the washing machine before she responded, the last thing she needed was Nicholas adding something random into the drum while the door was open ( _ **again!**_ ).

[I'm glad you're ok but just how do you figure I owe you money?]

[My crew weren't involved in the initial gunfire but Garrus WAS investigating. Fifty minus twenty equals thirty, you owe me thirty credits. See, you're not the only clever one, I can do math.] The reply was so fast she wondered if Nicola had predicted her response and already worked out an answer in advance.

[Well done, I'm very impressed.] Trish smiled as she typed, knowing Nikki would pick up on the sarcasm in her words but not take offence. [Unfortunately for you I never accepted that bet, guess I'm still the cleverer one after all. So, what was it all about?]

[You'll always be the cleverer one and it was just some krogan celebrating his 400th birthday.]

[With gunfire?]

[Well yeah, I **did** say krogan. Celebratory gunfire is part of their cultural tradition, he just 'forgot' it was illegal on the Citadel. Speaking of the Citadel... I'm not going to be here forever and we should really make the most of the lack of lag, can I call you?]

[Sure, go ahead.] Trish headed into the living room, carefully depositing Nicholas back into his playpen just to be safe, before making herself comfortable on the couch. She smiled as she watched her son crawl over to play with his toys, just because he COULD walk didn't mean he always felt like it, frowning when she suddenly realised several minutes had passed without a call. [Nikki... Everything alright?]

Still no reply.

Normally the delay wouldn't bother her, even after the Alliance had upgraded their communication network to the latest, most advanced technology, there were still some parts of the galaxy that took hours or even days for a message to reach. However correspondence time between the Citadel and Arcturus Stream was usually so insignificant as to appear near instant to a human brain.

Of course attacks on human colonies **had** been in the news a lot recently and usually started with the comms going down, but while colonists on more remote planets would likely start getting apprehensive by now, being so close to Arcturus station that you could see lights from the fleet at night tended to lull one into a sense of security. Even so, as time dragged with no contact, Trish found herself beginning to wonder. Nicholas had just started chewing on a rubber T-rex when her omni-tool finally pinged.

[Sorry, ran into a reporter. Everybody else in the galaxy I have to convince I'm really me before they'll talk to me. The press on the other hand...] Trish could just picture Nikki running a frustrated hand through her hair as she said that.

[You should have pretended you were Rachel Hale.]

[Who?]

[The actress who played you in Citadel. Weren't you going to call?]

"-eriously!? They made a film?" Trish chuckled at the first words Nikki uttered as the video connected.

"Hello to you too."

"Nuh-uh, don't try to sidetrack me. Citadel. As in like... Battle of the Citadel? Sovereign, Saren, reapers, me. That Citadel? As a film?"

"Yeah. Well, no. They missed out the reapers, made out like it was all just Saren and the geth, but other than that pretty much. I'm surprised Joker didn't tell you already."

"I'm not sure I'd believe it if Joker told me." Shepard muttered before her voice rose in indignation. "Hey, that bastard! I asked him if any good films came out an' all!"

"Well there's his loophole... Maybe it wasn't any good."

"Perhaps... Wait, what do you mean maybe? Haven't you seen it?"

"No. I was nowhere near ready to watch a vid about my dead wife." Trish regretted the words as soon as they slipped out. Nikki's face contorting through a variety of emotions including a heavy dose of guilt. "So, how'd it go with the reporter?" She abruptly changed topics to the first thing she thought of.

"Ugh, that woman gets under my skin far too easily."

"Let me guess, Khalisah al-Jilani, Westerlund News?"

"Yeah. Oh, just so you know, according to her I must have been on a deep undercover mission for the last two years and the fact I've resurfaced now is somehow majorly significant. Why she'd think this and more importantly why she'd think I'd talk about the details with her if it _**was**_ true I have no idea. I think I need to get a hat with the words 'no comment' printed on it."

"Maybe I'll get you one for Christmas."

"Christmas? That's ages away!" Nikki pouted childishly.

"Not as far away as your birthday." Trish shot back playfully, surprised when the pouting turned into a carefully blank mask. "What, what's wrong?"

"How old am I Trish?" The usually cavalier voice was bereft of emotion and the civilian momentarily closed her eyes, a premonition of the nasty turn the conversation was about to take flashing through her mind. Somehow despite asking for a fresh start between them she kept putting her foot in it, the missing two years constantly drawing attention to itself. She decided to try and joke through it, Nikki usually responded well to humour.

"Are we talking mental age? Because some days I'd have to say around six."

"I'm serious Trish. Normally you just take the date and subtract the year of your birth but that's not exactly an accurate measure of how long I've been alive. Parts of me are only two years old, some even younger than that and-"

"On average humans cycle through a completely new set of epidermis skin cells every 35 days."

"What?" The commander blinked confusedly at the interruption. "...What's that got to do with anything?"

"And that kid from the Normandy that got injured on Virmire, Fredricks I think it was, he went with a clone leg in the end. That leg's newer than the rest of him."

"It's not the same Trish, sure it was close a few times but he never actually died. I..."

"I know, I'm just-" Trish sighed hopelessly, searching her brain for anything that could help. She felt guilty that she'd spent so long moping over Melissa and trying to get her head around how she felt about Nikki's return, she really hadn't given enough thought to how her partner was coping. The soldier always displayed such immense mental fortitude that it was easy to forget that even she had a limit to what she could deal with. "How old do you feel?"

"Hmm?"

"'Age is just a number', I know you've heard that saying before. I'm not- I'm not trying to downplay this or anything I just-... I've got no answers for your questions, there's no precedence to follow, nothing I can think of to make it better so-... How old do you want to be?"

Silence followed. Nikki not looking at the screen as she sat with eyes downcast, Trish giving her time to think things through. Finally after what seemed like an eternity the spectre looked back up, managing to pull off a faint smirk.

"I don't know... About six?" They shared a dark chuckle before Nikki exhaled deeply. "I appreciate the thought Trish, but my date of birth is public knowledge, I doubt anyone else'll let me have a choice in the matter. I just have to get used to the fact I jumped straight from twenty-nine to thirty-one."

"Would you feel better or worse if I arranged extra birthday parties so you can catch back up?"

"I... I'm not sure. Idea sounds kinda nice right now, but not sure how I'd feel once I've packaged this all away and then it suddenly gets dragged back out again. I certainly wouldn't want some big thirtieth birthday bash." By 'packaged away' Trish just knew Nikki meant 'buried deep and tried to ignore'.

"What about something small? Just me, you and Nicholas, a couple of presents and some cake. You don't have to decide now."

"I _**do**_ like cake."

"Really? I never noticed." Trish smiled as Nicola finally released a gloriously genuine laugh.

"I get to choose the cake right?"

"Within reason, sure."

"Reason? Do you even know me?" The soldier faked offence. "Ooh... I've just had a great idea."

"It's amazing how you make that sound so ominous."

"You know battenberg cake right?"

"I married you, of course I know what battenberg is. I'm pretty sure I know every type of cake in the galaxy thanks to you."

"Part of me really wants to test you on that but don't try and distract the awesome. Now... imagine... a chessboard of battenberg."

"You want sixty-four squares of cake." Trish didn't even bother framing it as a question.

"Yeah and each square can be a different flavour!" The civilian couldn't help but groan at the same time she felt a faint smile grace her lips at the feeling of deja-vu.

"You know Nick, I was _almost_ willing to go along with it if it was just the pink and yellow sponge involved, but you've always got to make things more complicated."

"Yeah, I see your point... narrowing it down to _just_ 64 flavours _**is**_ going to be pretty hard." Nikki teased with twinkling eyes.

"Idiot, you- Urgh... that smells gross. Like... even worse than usual." Trish declared, standing up from the couch and heading to where Nicholas was still happily playing.

"What? I can't smell anything?" Trish simply shot the commander an unimpressed look.

"That's because you're two relay jumps away. Trust me, if you were in this solar system you'd smell it. Now if you'll excuse me I have to change your son's nappy."

"My son huh? Is this going to be like the whole Jude 'my dog, our dog' situation?"

"Believe me right now, he's definitely yours. Got to go, talk later?"

"Wait! Can I... can I watch?" Trish raised an eyebrow.

"You _**want**_ to watch faeces and baby bottoms?"

"When you say it like that I sound like a weirdo. I just... like seeing you be a mother. Plus you could make it a live stream, educational, how-to video. I've still not done my parent training and I assume I'm going to have to change a nappy at some point."

"Oh when you get home it is definitely going to be your turn." Trish informed her as Little Nicky stood up and started heading away from her towards a new toy. "Ok, first step: You have to catch the little monster."

...

 **Author's note:** Nice quick update to make up for the delay on the last one, don't get used to it though, next update should have some plot in it so will likely take a little longer to write.

I've been thinking for awhile of introducing some OC squadmates, and the leading contender is a batarian male. I'm still deciding whether Shepard's served with him before or if it's a recommendation from Anderson. One thing's certain though, he was born and raised outside the hegemony. Other possibilities include a female krogan and a male N7. Not sure if there will just be the one addition or multiples but all the canon crew will still be recruited. (Somehow. I'm still trying to work out how to convince Nikki to let a criminal with such a long rapsheet out of prison when she doesn't know Jack's tragic back story yet)

Part of the reason for adding more characters is SomethingProfound11's story 'Encroachment' which (is fantastic) and helped highlight what I already thought: the insane missions in the game being accomplished by such a small squad is ridiculous. The other reason is I'm thinking of doing something a little different for the end of ME2.

Instead of simply replaying the suicide mission on console where I know exactly how to manipulate it so everyone survives, I'm planning to adapt the mission to rpg boardgame or at the very least make key parts of it dependent on dice rolls in order to keep things unpredictable. I'm not just going to kill off characters I don't like in order to keep a sense of danger and tension, while keeping everybody else magically safe. War isn't like that, it's chaotic, unpredictable and despite her success on Virmire not even Shepard is capable of saving everyone.

I admit I'm somewhat nervous and really hope the dice don't end up killing my favourite characters, (turians' natural plating gives plus 20 to toughness rolls right? Right?) but apart from Nikki herself there is only one other person with a free pass to guaranteed survival because they're essential for one of the storylines in ME3 to play out the way I want. There will be injuries, there may be major character deaths, there will almost certainly end up being delays between updates as life gets in the way (sorry in advance).

Anyway thanks for the reviews, it always make an author's day to hear feedback and I look forward to your opinions, hope you're all still enjoying.


	77. Chapter 77

"What about Ryder?" Nikki inquired as she sat in Anderson's office in the human embassy on the presidium; humanity had been granted much more floor space since joining the council proper. "Either Alec or the twins, I'm not fussed which."

"You'd really be willing to piss Alec off by recruiting one of his kids for a dangerous mission after he turns it down himself?"

"Well if one's going to be a problem then I'll happily take both." She tried to joke but her old mentor didn't seem amused. "Come on, you and I both know politics is the only reason they're not N's. Scott was mere months away from a Villa invite when Alec got the family blacklisted and Sara's interests may lay elsewhere, but I'm still willing to bet Alec trained her in our ways since she was old enough to hold a gun."

"Earlier if the stories I used to hear from Ellen are true." He admitted. "It's a moot point anyway, all three of them signed up to the Andromeda Initiative, they're not available."

Shepard groaned. "There's got to be someone!"

"N's rarely retire." The admiral shrugged apologetically, unknowingly echoing her thoughts from days before. "We die or we get medically discharged. In the past two decades Ryder and Leng got dishonourables, Schmidt got a desk job with the brass, Rodriguez went full time instructor at the Villa, that's it. Everyone else is on active duty or not fit to be."

"What about Akenzua? I heard he got out, right when I was chasing Saren." Anderson's face dropped slightly at the enquiry.

"Couldn't handle civilian life, then his family couldn't handle him... He committed suicide about a year ago, I'm sorry Shepard." She swallowed deeply, briefly closing her eyes as she took a moment to process the news. She knew how lucky she'd been after Akuze, that not everybody had the same level of support she did, but it still hurt to hear about a brother in arms losing the battle against their personal demons. Pushing emotions to the side she looked back up, focusing on the issue at hand.

"You could try Marcus Zhao." Anderson offered once he was sure she was ready for the conversation to continue.

"Who?" She didn't recognise the name and assumed he must have come through the Villa during her two year absence.

"You must remember him. From Anhur? He was leading the abolitionist forces."

"Oh I've never been to Anhur Sir." Nikki stated with a cheeky grin, even as her eyes showed recognition. "You must have me confused with some **non** -Alliance affiliated weapon smuggler."

"Of course." Anderson allowed with a chuckle. The details of that op were supposed to be classified after all. Only reason he'd mentioned it was because he'd done a security sweep for bugs just before she entered his office and knew it was clean. "Well he might not be an N but he's got the kind of skills and intelligence you're looking for."

"If I remember the Anhur files correctly, he didn't have any formal military training."

"No, but he's got experience and morals. Besides... neither Tali or Liara had much training before you got your hands on them, look how they turned out."

"True. Alright, no harm in asking I suppose. You got contact details for him?"

"No but I can find out. I'll let you know if I think of anyone else as well." A notification chime rang out from a vid projector and Anderson's eyes darted to the clock. "That will be the council."

"I'll leave you to it then." Nikki declared, standing to leave. "I appreciate the help."

"Not so fast Shepard, the council want to speak to you too. They asked me to let them know when you were next on the Citadel." She turned back in disbelief.

"You're kidding! You set me up?" The admiral's lips quirked at her accusation.

"They just want to talk Shepard. You've got to admit, getting your spectre status reinstated could probably come in handy."

"Fine. You could have warned me though." The commander grouched as she approached the holo projector. "Have I mentioned how much I hate you recently?"

He merely chuckled as she briefly attempted to find a way to smarten up the hoody and cargo pants combo she was wearing before giving up, shooting him a nod to accept the call.

"Commander, thank you for agreeing to this meeting..." Tevos' diplomatic tone kicked off proceedings.

...

Trish landed the skycar outside the house, checking the mirror to find Nicholas fast asleep in his baby chair. Quietly and cautiously she removed everything else she needed from the car first before returning to unstrap her son.

"Trish!" The call from behind made her jump, only narrowly avoiding hitting her head on the door frame and she turned to face Ben with a glare and a hissed: _'Shh!'_

"Sorry." He whispered as he caught sight of sleeping beauty. "These came while you were at work, poor delivery guy didn't know what to do when you weren't in." She eyed the bouquet of flowers curiously, brain whirring as she considered possible reasons for them.

It wasn't her birthday or any other date of note. Her mother had developed a habit of sending flowers every few months in the wake of Nikki's death, but she'd received the latest just a couple of weeks ago. She hadn't heard from Melissa since their split and flowers _**was**_ the kind of gesture she'd make. However while she hoped the other woman was ok, she wouldn't be impressed if this was an attempt to apologise and a request to reconsider. Not now after she'd finally made a decision.

Giving up on her guessing game she nodded towards the open doorway, Ben taking the hint and walking ahead of her to deposit the flowers on the kitchen table before making his excuses to leave. Trish took a moment to settle the still slumbering Nicholas on his sleep mat before finally inspecting her gift, plucking out the accompanying card that her father always used to call 'the thanks and apologies slip'.

[Because I can. Love Nikki.] A smile graced her face at the simple reasoning, inhaling the pleasant fragrance and mentally composing a message of her own as she hunted for a vase to put them in.

[Thank you for the flowers. They're beautiful, the note too. Love you back.] She sent it quickly before she had a chance to start analysing her words and over-think them.

Next stop was the freezer. She managed to make a decision about what to have for tea and hold the packaging up to the scanner on the oven so it could automatically preset the necessary cooking times and settings before her omni-tool chimed with a notification. She slid the tray in and closed the oven door before opening the message.

[Oh good! The tracking site claimed they arrived hours ago and I was starting to worry I'd somehow messed up. Isn't there supposed to be some weird 'hidden language of flower sending' that someone came up with centuries ago on Earth? Cos I'll be honest, I just got the ones I thought looked nice and I was starting to think I'd accidentally told you "I'm going to kill your entire family and sorry for giving you flu" in secret flower code or something] Trish had barely started reading Nikki's rambling reply when her omni-tool pinged again, she finished reading the first message then jumped straight to the next.

[Mayday! Ignore that last! Can we pretty please pretend you didn't read that?]

[Too late!] Trish quickly typed with a chuckle. There was so little delay before the next notification that she just knew Nikki was still typing and sending the first thing that came into her head completely unfiltered.

[Nooo! Why do the designers of messaging apps put the delete arrow and send button so close together?!] The civilian was full on laughing now.

[Really? The mighty Commander Shepard can't handle a simple messaging app? I'm slightly concerned about the amount of high tech weaponry at your disposal right now. What if you try to launch a survey probe at a planet and unleash javelin missiles instead.]

[Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Like you've never pressed the wrong button by mistake before! Oh and for the record, survey probes run on a different operating system than the ship's weapons and javelin missiles have a post-launch self destruct code in case of accidents. It's almost as if they're trying to make it Shepard proof! Also, you're mean and this is all your fault.]

[How is it MY fault?} Trish started typing with a grin and an arched eyebrow. She could just imagine Nikki's pouting face in the last message and she was filled with a desire to not just imagine, but to actually be able to see her partner. {Bit of advice, if you're attempting to woo someone don't blame them for stuff.]

[I got you flowers! That's totally woo worthy. And it's your fault because I was rushing to send a message back quickly. Unlike _someone_ who took hours to respond.]

[Oh, I'm _sorry_ , I was at work. Ben accepted the delivery, I only just found out when I got home. Messages seem to be coming through pretty quickly right now so I assume you're still on the Citadel? Are you able to vid call?]

[Hmm, technically I'm in my cabin. Which is on my ship. Which is docked at the citadel. So yes, I suppose I am. And I'm _pretty_ sure I can handle the technology required for a vid call...] Trish smiled at the latest response, she knew that Nikki knew she'd meant 'are you free/available to call' not 'are you capable' but the soldier rarely missed the opportunity to make a joke or pull a prank and she was unsurprised as the seconds ticked by.

There was only so long she was prepared to take a joke however, finally she gave in and started typing, [Are you sure about that? } Her omni-tool vibrated with an incoming call just before she could send her response.

"Hey." Nikki greeted with a grin as the image synced up. "Told you I can handle tech."

"Took you long enough. Don't tell me you ran into a reporter in your cabin?" Trish teased, thinking back to their last delayed impromptu vid call the day before.

"Ha, no." The timer went off on Trish's oven before anything else could be said. The civilian walking over to take the food out. "I didn't realise you wanted this call just so you could torture me."

"Sorry. Do you mind if I eat? I can always call back later." Trish looked apologetic enough so Nikki shook her head.

"No it's alright... Although now I'm trying to work out if ordering room service so we could eat together would count as an abuse of power. Especially after I kinda ordered all main meals had to be eaten in the mess."

"You don't expect me to believe that you don't have ANY food in your cabin do you?"

"True, I have snacky food to snack on, but what kind of example would that set for Nicky?"

"He's asleep."

"Oh, well in that case." The spectre smirked and disappeared from frame, returning a moment later with a packet of crisps, two packs of biscuits and a small iced coffee madeira cake. Trish said nothing, simply shook her head with a grin as her partner arranged it all on the desk, finding a way to balance her omni-tool so they could pretend they were simply sat at opposite ends of a table instead of in different solar systems.

"So, how was your day?" Trish asked as she cut up her food, Nikki busy opening the various packaging on hers.

"Mostly not too bad, but I had to talk with the council to officially get my spectre codes reinstated."

"How did that go?"

"Oh you know: 'It's good to have you back Commander. We look forward to working with you in the future. Thanks once again for saving our lives during the Battle of the Citadel'."

"You're using your sarcastic voice."

"Am I? _No!_ " Came the oh so predictable response before Nikki's voice finally became serious. "At least Councillor Inara seems decent enough, for a politician I mean."

"A lot of people can't seem to make their minds up about her." Trish revealed. "I think they were just surprised that Udina didn't get the job after being Ambassador on the Citadel."

"Yeah well, I _may_ have had something to do with that." Trish snorted in disbelief.

"Oh really? And just how do you think you influenced the selection of humanity's most powerful politician?"

"Councillor Tevos asked for my opinion after the Battle of the Citadel." Nikki stated nonchalantly.

"And you suggested Inara?"

"Well, no. I hadn't even heard of her. I just told them that humans might not be too good at it but we like to at least _pretend_ we're part of a democracy and so the decision really aught to rest with the S.A parliament. Then I reminded them that if I hadn't disobeyed Udina they'd all be dead. I think that kinda killed his chances."

The soldier victoriously popped a biscuit into her mouth, a brief silence overcoming them as they were both chewing their food, the Spectre swallowed first and resumed the conversation: "Mhmm, so... enough politics, how was your day? I can't believe you're back at work already, I thought civilians had that thing called maternity leave."

"We do, it's only a year though."

"That sucks, who looks after Nicky?"

"There's a creche on the second floor."

"He likes it there?"

"I wouldn't leave him there if he didn't." Trish answered a touch reproachfully forcing the Spectre to grimace apologetically.

"Sorr-" Trish waved the apology off.

"They wear him out much better than I can manage on my days off, if I didn't see him playing when I pick him up I'd think they tranquillised him!" Nicola chuckled dutifully, before a message notification chime made her reach for her omni-tool.

It was from Anderson. Apparently Marcus Zhao's private security contract with Elanus Risk Control was up at the end of his current posting on the MSC Corsica. The admiral had included the ship's flight plans as well as making overtures to check the former militiaman was even interested in joining her mission. He was. Now she just needed to decide whether to wait for him at the ship's final destination or intercept the vessel along the way.

"Let me guess, duty calls?" Her partner's resigned voice interrupted the spectre's musings.

"Hmm? No!" Nikki quickly protested, knowing how those words were usually a prelude to the end of their conversations. "Well... yeah, but not right now." She admitted a second later, minimising the message from Anderson and returning her omni-tool to its perch. "I've just received my next travel destination but half my crew are still on shore leave so there's no rush to hang up."

"Don't you still have to get things ready though?" Trish queried, Nikki glancing towards her before holding up a finger.

"One moment... EDI?"

"Yes Commander?" A synthetic voice intoned.

"Please inform Joker, Miss Lawson and all department heads that we'll be shipping out for the Amun system tonight. If anybody is late returning from shore leave inform Miss Lawson and begin getting us underway the moment all crew are aboard."

"Of course Commander."

"See." Shepard declared with a grin back to camera. "All taken care of. Now, are you going to let us enjoy our last night of non-laggy vid calls or not?"

"Hmm..." Trish pretended to think about it. "I suppose so."

...

 **Author's note:** Sorry, I got distracted again. Yes Inara is a Firefly reference, no it won't make as much difference as you might expect to the next game. I just hate having to make Udina as Councillor but don't believe Anderson would be given that role when he's career military and not a politician (and doesn't even like it). Hence Anderson was promoted to Admiral and made military advisory to the human councillor, and a different politician was made councillor (In my head canon Inara was previously the human ambassador to Palaven, meaning she's been exposed to a culture where politicians actually listen to their military advisors).

Next chapter will see the first OC squadmate recruited and one of the side missions from the game taken care of. I hope you're all still enjoying and thank you to everyone who's left a review.


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